Welcome, brothers (and sisters?). Today we shall mourn a great hero... Many times.
But first, let us proceed with the silly stuff...
Is this the entrance to the beholder area?
Yes. But before you go there... I am going to need you to undress.
What?
You heard me right. Apparently, some of our readers really want to see you naked for some reason, so get on with it.
WTF is with this stick?
This is your Rod of Lordly Might, transformed into a somewhat usable weapon. This is because the randomly chosen suggestion said you are supposed to fight 'Naked. Except for the Rod of the Lordly Might.'. It came from
Nevill.
What an asshole!
Oh yeah, that's a good start.
Note: we entered in stealth mode, which automatically gets cancelled on area transitions (therefore no orange frame around the skill), but prevails for one more round, allowing us (hopefully) to leave the beholders' sight range.
Oops.
Our hero escaped, sorry, 'repositioned', so fast, that the camera (i.e. me) failed to catch up.
I think I'm saf- Oh, shit.
I think they have not noticed you yet.
Let me help wit dis one, fellow drow people.
Whaaat?
I guess they hate kill-stealers as much as you do.
I am on a mission from mother Ardulace!
Wait, let me expl-
You cannot negotiate with red rings of death.
Death Count: 279
Loading.
They must be race traitors, or something.
On our next attempt we manage to reach the safe spot without aggroing anything on the way or triggering the drow vs. beholder fight. We could exploit the latter for an easier time (let them kill each other), but we want that sweet beholder XP for ourselves.
Well said.
In fact, let's start with this...
These are not the droids you are looking for.
I hate their magic resistance!
OMFGHRR... So much pain...
Let us all remain silent for a minute... Or just get on with it.
Death Count: 280
Reload.
Maybe I should deal with the two beholders first...
Stone skin? Oh, come on!
I don't think I'm going to-
Make it? Yeah...
Death Count: 281
Load, load, load.
My only chance is to disable them somehow...
Well, it half-worked.
I guess the other half is the bigger one...
This would have probably gone better if I noticed the elder orb having stoneskin - some of The Codex's hits were wasted.
Death Count: 282
Load game.
I guess it won't be that easy...
And there was this one time when I forgot to engage stealth before entering the area.
Death Count: 283
Embarassed reload.
Ok, that's it! If that Nevill guy, or any other of those schadenfreude fuckers, wants naked beholder wrestling, he can come do it himself. I want my gear!
Fine. But without the most overpowered items.
As long as I can use a weapon I am proficient with. The only thing I want to do this with this rod is shove it up the ass of the guy who came up with this in the first place!
We will be using Dragon's Breath +4 instead of Carsomyr and/or Staff of the Magi. I would prefer The Impaler, but it truns out I have not given The Codex spear proficiency, which is actually good, because then we would be stuck with the rod-spear.
Why is this halberd named like some kind of a dwarven ale?
Robe of Vecna, drow armour and Red Dragon Scale are out, so we are left with few options. Robe of the Evil Archmagi is probably the best one available.
BG1 level stuff.
Ring of Gaxx will be replaced by... uh... Ring of Earth Control, for the +1AC bonus.
I'm so fucked.
Let's see how well these things will do against EPIC LEVEL ABILITIES!
AARRRGHRGRHRGRHGRRH!
We should probably start investing into epic spells. They might do more of a difference.
Death Count: 284
Quickload.
Well, that didn't work...
That disabling idea was good. Let me try it again.
Score! You're dead now, floaties!
On second thought, that epic level idea was not bad either.
FUCKYEAH!
Hey, where did it go?
It must have left the area.
Ah, there you are.
It's rude to leave in the middle of an argument.
And what's this?
Is this what I came here for?
Yup.
Does that mean we can-
Nope.
Fucking hell.
Blade of Disappointment. (OMG SPOILERZ)
Nah, everyone knows that Equalizer is shit.
Uh... Okay?
It will probably not work, but whatever.
Oooooh. The blade encountered no resistance.That must have hurt.
Explodrow!
Note the dire charmed drow, this will become relevant in a moment.
It's kind of like giant piñata. With tentacles.
I was focused on the dying beholder at this point, and I have not noticed that one of the drow got hit with flesh to stone and destroyed (losing us XP). I would have probably reloaded if I did notice it.
The dire charmed drow bugged out after beholder died. His/her allegiance switched to us for some reason (although I could not control him, despite the green circle), and the two other remaining drow turned on him/her.
I never say no to free tanks.
I never saw the appeal myself.
House Codex sends regards.
I notice that there is little difference between swinging a fuckhuge sword at someone and swinging a fuckhuge halberd at someone.
You would notice a difference if they were stone-skinned.
Unfortunately the dire charmed drow died before we could dispel his dire charm and kill him for XP.
Sad, sad, sad story.
Let me cheer myself up with some looting.
Bro-sword! This should make this adventure easier.
We are forbidden from using it. Sorry.
Fuck.
A sling? Really?
Uh-huh. It could be the playmate of the year of slings and I still wouldn't care.
Holy fucking shit!
One cloud kill later.
I hope you appreciate our brave hero suffering damage to show you how beholders do not give a fuck about this cloud kill.
DIE!
We try to soften them up some more with some spells. Basically, it is hit and run.
And when the 'run' part does not work...
Oh shit.
Death Count: 285
One more load.
I have a feeling that dealing with that group will not be easy.
Who the fuck are they?
Maybe I can console myself by killing these losers off.
Feeling consoled already?
Maybe next time.
Death Count: 286
L.O.A.D.
This place is like an eldritch deathsquad dump.
Time to employ STAFF OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING!
Well, that's underwhelming.
Oh shit, I've made eye contact!
Was that a pun... Oh, you're dead.
Death Count: 287
Load, load, load your game, slowly up the RAM.
I don't want to do this any more...
Maybe we should scout around and look for easier targets?
Yeah, that would be nice...
Note: apart from the lone Beholder (elder orb?), there is also a couple of gauths near the upper edge.
Mother playing hide and seek with their children.
Three amigos.
AAAAAH!
'Hide in shadows failed.'
Death Count: 288
Load, the final frontier.
TAKE THE PAIN AWAY TAKE THE PAIN AWAY!
Calm down, you are fine.
Hardly!
I need buffs!
Stand still. Float still! Whatever! Just don't move!
Oh dear.
Death Count: 289
A load time ago in a load far, far away...
Noooo. No more. I give up. Leave me alone...
That is not an option.
Web. I need web! I need more web!
Hahahahaha! Now I show you something!
Boom! Hehehehehe!
I do not think that is enough damage...
Exactly.
Death Count: 290
Once upon a load.
FUUUUUUUUUCCK THIIIIIIIS SHIIIIIIIIIT!
I need to deal more damage faster.
YES! Fuck you in the eye!
Now you all die!
Maybe next time.
Death Count: 291
Loading like there's no tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T BEAT ME. I'LL KEEP COMING BACK! FOREVER!
Offscreen victory!
One beholder has been put down using a bow and infinite arrows, although it was preeeeeeeetty close.
Some people say this spell is now awesome. Let's see...
Go, Bones, go!
That might might have not been enough. :sadtroll:
Death Count: 292
What a load!
Maybe I will try something else...
Magic-immune golem! Perfect!
Oh, come on!
I guess it still counts as summoned, and therefore vulnerable to Death Spell.
Another attempt at hit and run...
...Ends with the beholders following our hero (who managed to hide in shadows around the corner).
Well, this changes absolutely nothing.
Some more hit and run (one arrow and retreat - loads of fun, believe me) and The Codex was pursued again.
Except gauths decided to stay where they were.
ORLY?
Beholders may have laughed my web off, but gauths should be affected by it.
AHA!
Except when they make their saving throw.
Death Count: 293
What is load? Baby, don't hurt me... Don't hurt me... No more...
I WILL FUCKING KILL THEM AND DANCE ON THEIR CORPSES!
Oh FFS.
Dead!
Die, die, die, die, die!
Inconceivable.
At this point, The Codex is like this:
But we were really close this time...
Death Count: 294
Load... of crap.
Not a word. Just don't say anything.
Alright! Let's stay focused!
Come on...
I have no idea what a dark planetar is, but it sounds FUCKING AWESOME.
Although this was a tactical error, because we cannot use this spell without resting, while another ability like a whirlwind, would be immediately available.
Also this.
Only these two losers left.
And now only one!
Ah, fuck, not the cause wounds!
Nooooooooooooo!
We will do it eventually. I hope.
Death Count: 295
Load.
Again!
I shall withdraw now, and you are going to save the game.
That is probably wise.
Stay still...
GLORY IS MINE!
Oh, fuck yes!
This is a double mage-fighter level-up.
Which means we get screwed on epic abilities, as we only receive one.
Greater Whirlwind is immediately available to us, which might help.
Time to take care of these guys.
Ok, one down.
Hey there, pastaface.
And that's two.
Since we don't have any death spell flinging foes here...
Go, Boney-ass!
It actually works. I am impressed.
Let me help a bit...
WHAT!? How was that not a backstab!?
Ah, nevermind.
Check out the awesome motion GIF made of the screenshots above, auto-generated by Google (spoiler tag).
Oh, FFS.
Death Count: 296
Such a load.
About that healing in-between fights...
I will start doing that... Some day.
Let's try this again.
You can't run from me! But you're welcome to try...
I shall wisely remain hidden until all the gauths are dead.
Well, that gauth is pretty much fucked now.
Alright!
Progress! I am crying tears of joy...
Let's fight these together.
On second thought, you deal with them, while I... withdraw into shadows.
How's it going?
Not that I want to complain, but you're really taking your time there...
Well, FINALLY.
Fine, I'll help.
This won't be available until the next restored content patch.
Boney is too vulnerable to death spell, so I will take care of this sucker myself.
Well said.
Death Count: 297
I really hope we will not reach 300 today.... Load.
Why am I carrying 50 healing potions if you're not letting me use them!
Fine, let's heal and scout a bit.
FUCK!
Get them dirt-bag!
Luckily I remembered we had Staff of the Earth. I am not totally senile, see?
I hate when they use this spell!
Hey, Boney, I lured this gauth to us.
Now, kill it!
You were not invited!
This is a private party!
Tragic...
Death Count: 298
Load game is still the most powerful spell of all.
We need an alternative.
Let us search our bags.
Well, I had this scroll. Will this work?
Let us check. We have nothing to lose.
We have my life to lose.
Sorry, let me rephrase that: we have nothing important to lose.
Fuck you.
I think I'm going to shit my pants... Why did I agree to this...?
It... It works!
Mwahahahaha! DIE!
OH, YES! DIE!
DIE, DIE, DIE!
BRING IT ON!
I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
YOU SHALL KNEEL BEFORE MY POWER!
KNEEL, OR DIE!
They don't exactly have knees, you know.
SILENCE, PUNY MORTAL!
ALL SHALL TREMBLE WITH TERROR!
Aaaaaaaaand the spell wore off.
NO-ONE- Oh, shit.
Not, good, not good...
Fuck! That was close! And glorious!
We also have a GIF:
I should probably fetch Boney instead of attacking this guy alone in my current state.
Except instead of our Skeleton Warrior, we find an Elder Orb...
What have you done to Boney, you floating excrement!
We retreat, because being discovered with True Sight would not be optimal right now.
Since the last scroll worked so well, let me try another one.
Ok, Windbag, blow that guy over there.
Well, that was disappointing.
Let's try another one.
Oh, come on!
I'll kill you myself!
In hindsight, that was a bad idea.
Death Count: 299
This must be the last reload... Must be...
Back to summons, I guess.
Ah, good, he resisted paralysis this time!
Not that it helped much.
This is boring. Let's switch targets and take care of that elder orb first.
Whatever.
Why do I fell like this is going to end in me dying.
Fuck, I'm alive? Run away!
That was unnecessarily exciting.
Do you have any more epic abilities left?
Why do you ask?
This guy is already pretty battered. It should not take much to kill him.
Fine.
Time to deal with that fucking elder orb.
They both look surprised.
Burn it, Rasheed! Burn it down!
Death Count: 300
Three hundred! Three fucking hundred!
No! This! Is! LOAD GAME!
What exactly happened?
Our efreeti cast a Fire Ball.
This time I shall observe this from afar.
That fucker goes down!
A question: what were the odds that Lightning Bolt will bounce of the wall and kill The Codex?
Seriously.
Death Count: 301
Load the fucking game.
This is not my best day ever.
We will not see what is happening if you stay here.
I don't care!
Go, Rasheed! Go!
BRACE FOR IMPACT!
This is certainly taking some time...
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking beholders in this motherfucking dungeon!
I have noticed we are quoting
Snakes on a Plane an awful lot, especially considering I do not even like this movie very much...
There, fucking done.
Yeah, loot, great. Let's hurry up and leave this place FOREVER.
Uh-huh.
I don't even care.
Well... Ok, this has my interest.
Hmmmmmmm...
---
Next time: We shall try fighting Illithids naked, as per
Darth Roxor's suggestion.
Yeah, because it worked so well this time...