Review And Book Review He Did

[poocolator]

I worked at RIM as a co-op.
Good stuff, guys.

 

[Elzair]

Alright, here is some more!

WOMEN!!

What would a modern fantasy 'epic' be without some male-bashing, am I right?

Now, here are two LOLs on one page!

For those of you that cannot make that out, here is the relevant section.

She spun at the same time, meeting its head with a great swing of her blade. The creature's head was instantly decapitated, its body spinning and kicking on its own in reaction, ichor splattering everywhere.

How can a head be decapitated? According to yourdictionary, a person or a body can be decapitated, but a head cannot! Either Gaider should have used "disembodied", or in Bioware's New Shit world, even heads can lose their heads! How mature!

There is another one two paragraphs down.

Here is the relevant passage for the visually impaired.

"No!" Maric shouted as he saw Katriel collapse, her eyes rolling up into her head. The vicious puncutes on her shoulder were already swelling, black tendrils radiating out from it underneath the skin like a dark corruption." (Emphasis mine)

Here is the tale of Lancelot and Guinevere written by a half-wit!

Alright, that is the most lulzworthy moments of the book I bothered to find. Stick around for my comprehensive review!

 

[Wyrmlord]

Hahaha, what the fuck?

This guy is such a terrible writer.

He reminds me of Indian film critics on cheap newspapers who describe a petty thief in a film as a "dreaded gangster".

So much hyperbole in every instance of the story, it's as if the whole book is one long window dressing.

 

[Elzair]

BTW, how should I submit a review for possible mainpage coverage?

 

[SCO]

I read the Jane Whitefield series recently.
:singletearofjoy:

Now those were good books (6 of them).

 

[poocolator]

This is depressing me. I can't believe this went to print? I guess the company behind the unabashed promotion of this book makes more than enough to cover the cost of printing this shit none'll buy.

 

[DarkUnderlord]

BTW, how should I submit a review for possible mainpage coverage?

PM me. If it's worth it, we'll put it up. If not, you can post in forums.

 

[Zeus]

Did Gaider rip off goddamn Eragon?

There is no words to describe this.

That'd be like making a fifteenth generation copy of a VHS cassette. It'd just be static and the vague outline of Luke Skywalker.

 

[Zeus]

can a head be decapitated? According to yourdictionary, a person or a body can be decapitated, but a head cannot!

According to The Art and Science of Embalming: Descriptive and Operative by Carl Lewis Barnes, it can!

But what the hell does Carl know. All he does is wear sweatpants and bring home women from the bus stop.

 

[treave]

If anyone comes and calls this the best fantasy novel of the year they should be shot.

Wouldn't say it's truly horrible; but the writing is definitely amateurish. But then again I didn't expect excellent quality from Bioware writers. At least he manages to string together enough plot to write a book. Bethesda writers probably can't do a novelette.

 

[Lesifoere]

What the hell's with the blurry scans?

 

[GarfunkeL]

This is depressing me. I can't believe this went to print? I guess the company behind the unabashed promotion of this book makes more than enough to cover the cost of printing this shit none'll buy.

Go to your local bookstore. Find the "romance"-section, also known as "bodice-rippers". Take one book in random and read it. There's a good chance its equal quality. This shit, unfortunately, sells.

 

[poocolator]

That's why I only read what's either been recommended or discussed. I don't want to stumble upon something I'll regret wasting my time reading, especially these days when I only have time for a) school b) RPGCodex

 

[Elzair]

What the hell's with the blurry scans?

I am too cheap to buy a better camera.

 

[WanderingThrough2]

Strikes me as on par or better than most of the AD&D licensed stuff I read in middle school, probably on par with the Eddings/Brooks/Feist/Pierce type stuff I read around the same time. It's hard to imagine stomaching it as an adult, but it strikes me as perfectly passable for schlock fantasy.

Honestly, I don't really see a huge difference between this level of prose and George RR Martin's; the latter is certainly somewhat better, but it's only a difference of degree, not a difference in kind. But for the anti-Bioware sentiment, I doubt people would be so agitated.

 

[Clockwork Knight]

I guess the company behind the unabashed promotion of this book makes more than enough to cover the cost of printing this shit none'll buy.

lol

 

[Lesifoere]

What the hell's with the blurry scans?

I am too cheap to buy a better camera.

Come on, even my phone's camera takes better pictures than this.

 

[Elzair]

What the hell's with the blurry scans?

I am too cheap to buy a better camera.

Come on, even my phone's camera takes better pictures than this.

Well, I am taking the pictures with my phone.

 

[Elzair]

I just wanted to let all of you know that I have sent a full-length review of this piece of shit fanfiction to DarkUnderlord, and it will be posted whenever the editors feel like it.

 

[Nael]

I just wanted to let all of you know that I have sent a full-length review of this piece of shit fanfiction to DarkUnderlord, and it will be posted whenever the editors feel like it.

Your courage is astounding. Kudos.

 

[Quilty]

Honestly, I don't really see a huge difference between this level of prose and George RR Martin's;

Even Martin's worst moments are better than this trash.

 

[FeelTheRads]

The last paragraph from the last photo: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MAGICAL STREAM!!! FORGOTTEN RUIN!!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
That is sure to soak some panties.

 

[Nael]

The last paragraph from the last photo: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MAGICAL STREAM!!! FORGOTTEN RUIN!!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
That is sure to soak some panties.

Consider her panties soaked then... WITH THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!!!

 

[poocolator]

I guess the company behind the unabashed promotion of this book makes more than enough to cover the cost of printing this shit none'll buy.

lol

Waaaaaah.
I feel for Elzair, but he did it for the team.

 

[Elzair]

Alright, sorry about the review taking so long. I had to extensively revise it because DarkUnderlord said the initial copy did not meet Codex standards. He said it contained too much bile. (for the Codex? WTF?!) Anyway, the new version will hopefully meet Codex standards.