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1eyedking Darkest Dungeon: The Story of the Iceberg - Review by Celerity

Celerity

Takes 1337 hours to realise it's shit.
Village Idiot Possibly Retarded
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Oh wow.

Celerity there's material there for at least three articles.

(1) Review of the game itself. Fuck the drama with Red Hook, Steam reviews etc., just explain what the game is trying to do, whether it's worth trying, and how it succeeds (or, as the case may be, fails). Maybe add some short thoughts on how the failures could be remedied since you have some clear ideas about that.

(2) Report about Red Hook, their community relations, the Kickstarter, what was promised, what was delivered, and the way they deal with negative reviews.

(3) FAQ/strategy guide/let's-play of the game itself.

Right now all three are all mixed together in one epic stream-of-consciousness rant, which just makes you look deranged. If you managed to disentangle them you would get your message across better, as well as producing something that's readable in its own right rather than for lulz or drama. If it's just one article, it should be the review, with tops one paragraph about the drama at the beginning or the end. Consider writing the other two as completely separate projects.

Actual game: Infinite grind with one dimensional content and zero balance. How much can you actually say about spamming Hellions and damage before you come off pretentious? I already used far more words than actually necessary for that.

Strategy guide: Same thing.

The whole corruption/censorship angle is both the only reason you have this epic lulz thread at all, and the only reason this is longer than 2 paragraphs max. These elements are also closely intertwined which is why it shifts back and forth between them.

Also worth mentioning: This was written nearly a year ago, which is why it contains factual errors such as believing Jim Shilling and John Bain are not for sale and why it doesn't contain much more damning things like Rekt Hook idolizing Killary Clinton because they have a similar shill network and PizzaGate scandal. I'm not editing or adding those because that was the accurate state of things as the time I wrote it but it is there.

As for fucking being censored, like someone else said this was the review the RPGWatch didn't want you reading. They're cucked and censor profanity.

It also doesn't mention #ShillsGiving.
 

Lhynn

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More interesting than whatever cunta wrote at the orders of infinitron, that i can tell you.
The tron has already shown codex has no standards when it comes to publishing content, so this should definitely be on the front page.
 
Last edited:

Eyestabber

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PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015
You know, I recently searched for the Codex Review of Lords of Xulima and realized that...there isn't one. Since Celerity was playing the game and even talked about modding it, I think it would be p. interesting if he channeled his powers of autism towards the noble goal of reviewing said game. Would probably be front page worthy (for real this time).
 
Self-Ejected

Sacred82

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"Lords of Xulima is by far the greatest scam and biggest disappointment in gaming history
before the release of Darkest Dungeon
. Touted by Retardian Games as a return to force for oldschool roleplaying, the game consists entirely of this loop:

1. put all points into speed
2. walk around until you run into some Cursed Hounds
3. spam ability X which is slightly overpowered and therefore the only skill you should ever raise
4. laugh at the name Cursed Hounds
5. level up

The game doesn't offer any of the great roleplaying it originally promised, I can tell from killing every single creature in the game and from analyzing quite a few systems in my time.

0/10 FOTY"
 

Celerity

Takes 1337 hours to realise it's shit.
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You know, I recently searched for the Codex Review of Lords of Xulima and realized that...there isn't one. Since Celerity was playing the game and even talked about modding it, I think it would be p. interesting if he channeled his powers of autism towards the noble goal of reviewing said game. Would probably be front page worthy (for real this time).

Perhaps at 1,337.1 hours.
 

Suicidal

Arcane
Joined
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Messages
2,207
I felt that LoX, at least in the mid-late game, had the opposite problem from Darkest Dungeon. Instead of direct damage being OP, status effects and damage over time was OP. I remember defeating all of the late game bosses and large enemies by spamming bleed attacks and watching them lose a few % of their HP every turn, while my party sat behind a bunch of protection and regeneration spells, practically invincible. And those enemies that could not bleed could usually be wounded and had no way to remove wounds, so I would stack a bunch of wounds (which could stack indefinitely on any target) until the enemy's damage and accuracy became close to zero and remained so for the duration of the battle.
 

Celerity

Takes 1337 hours to realise it's shit.
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http://steamcommunity.com/app/262060/discussions/0/154643214753907600/

Seems my review is already triggering the shill puppets. They're also triggered by you Codex.

"Never knew rpgcodex is literally reddit upboat meme center but explains a lot. You entertain me well, go on."

They're also seeing me in every shadow. Do continue shillpuppets.

As for Xulima, it's mostly because Mass Regen is an invincibility button against anything with low damage (everything) and damage spells are pretty weak offensively so you're mostly just meleeing for 100-150. At that point landing a bleed for 42 which ticks twice a round is pretty good. And DoTs are still powerful when they hit for non trivial damage twice a round, but if surviving until they die wasn't a foregone conclusion you'd need more than just them. There's also certain things that counter DoTs, but nothing in the unmodded game uses them (and a few are actually bugged, enemies won't use cure bleed or end of flames even if you give them those skills).

Xulima is something of an unfortunate case because the balance problems stemmed from a lack of testers existing instead of a lack of testers being heeded. When most of the early adopters were just crying about puppies or sperging with Prophet gear, of course it broke down very quickly for those who know what they're doing. But I don't fault anyone for making mistakes, only for not learning from them. Despite what certain retarded shills claim, I'm not gonna treat Numantian Games as the next Derpest because they're not arrogantly dismissing feedback, they are soliciting it.
 

Mustawd

Guest
As for Xulima, it's mostly because Mass Regen is an invincibility button against anything with low damage (everything) and damage spells are pretty weak offensively so you're mostly just meleeing for 100-150. At that point landing a bleed for 42 which ticks twice a round is pretty good. And DoTs are still powerful when they hit for non trivial damage twice a round, but if surviving until they die wasn't a foregone conclusion you'd need more than just them. There's also certain things that counter DoTs, but nothing in the unmodded game uses them (and a few are actually bugged, enemies won't use cure bleed or end of flames even if you give them those skills).

Xulima is something of an unfortunate case because the balance problems stemmed from a lack of testers existing instead of a lack of testers being heeded. When most of the early adopters were just crying about puppies or sperging with Prophet gear, of course it broke down very quickly for those who know what they're doing. But I don't fault anyone for making mistakes, only for not learning from them. Despite what certain retarded shills claim, I'm not gonna treat Numantian Games as the next Derpest because they're not arrogantly dismissing feedback, they are soliciting it.

New review ready to be published...
 

Infinitron

I post news
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Codex Year of the Donut Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker Pathfinder: Wrath I'm very into cock and ball torture I helped put crap in Monomyth
This review was submitted to us on March 25, 2016.

It should've been front page pinned post March 25 2016.

If the Codex shit its pants more regularly it would separate itself from the pack and, everyone would slow down to see the spectacle.

It's time to ride the wave of this site's unique brand of autistic madness.

When did the idea that the Codex is, should be, and always has been a shitposting blog become widespread? I don't think it was like that at the beginning.

Folks don't know how much hours we've put into making reviews presentable. One thing about Bubbles is that his writing was so top notch that it required very little work on the staff end. We have a few other reviewers who are like that, and we're always looking for more.
 

Mustawd

Guest
When did the idea that the Codex is, should be, and always has been a shitposting blog become widespread?

DU is constantly reminding us...

Folks don't know how much hours we've put into making reviews presentable. One thing about Bubbles is that his writing was so top notch that it required very little work on the staff end. We have a few other reviewers who are like that, and we're always looking for more.

:salute:
 

Celerity

Takes 1337 hours to realise it's shit.
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I'm still amused something I wrote a year ago is generating this much salt. The Derpest Dungeon shills are a bottomless well of lulz.
 

Serus

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Celerity needs to write more reviews. Why hasn't the Codex hired him yet?
Just not more Darkest Dungeon reviews. Or Darkest Dungeon 2 - the long awaited sequel of the great hit that will surely happen in 2018 :D. The guy sounds sane when he talks about anything other than Red Hook/DD so he actually potentially could write a decent review of something.
 

Celerity

Takes 1337 hours to realise it's shit.
Village Idiot Possibly Retarded
Joined
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Messages
1,096
Trouble with that is I only think well informed reviews are worth writing and for any game I actually care about that requires hundreds of hours. Or over a thousand. Or 1,337.1.
 

vonAchdorf

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Messages
13,465
Celerity needs to write more reviews. Why hasn't the Codex hired him yet?
Just not more Darkest Dungeon reviews. Or Darkest Dungeon 2 - the long awaited sequel of the great hit that will surely happen in 2018 :D. The guy sounds sane when he talks about anything other than Red Hook/DD so he actually potentially could write a decent review of something.

Well, there's an expansion coming up, let's see if they learned from his insights.
 

Celerity

Takes 1337 hours to realise it's shit.
Village Idiot Possibly Retarded
Joined
Nov 20, 2015
Messages
1,096
Of course they didn't. Their definition of "civility" is stalking women and their families for linking my review and their definiiton of "toxicity" is factually stating negative things that Rekt Hook is done, so it's obvious they still just want as many desperate cash grabs as possible. No wonder they're currently under investigation!
 

vonAchdorf

Arcane
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Sep 20, 2014
Messages
13,465
Why are they done? With their team size, they shouldn't have any money problems after this release?
 

Tigranes

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I'm still amused something I wrote a year ago is generating this much salt. The Derpest Dungeon shills are a bottomless well of lulz.

It's well known that stories like Deranged Man Melts Down At McDonalds, Demands Proof of Hamburglar Conspiracy attract a large audience.

I'm not sure McDonalds is the source of the lulz there, though.
 

Invictus

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Divinity: Original Sin 2
Nice going guys, you post this piece of shit review just for laughs while I sent you a The Quest review almost a year ago which could have introduced a very decent game to a few Codexers...party on
 

Orobis

Arcane
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1,066
Nice going guys, you post this piece of shit review just for laughs while I sent you a The Quest review almost a year ago which could have introduced a very decent game to a few Codexers...party on
 

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