Decline 14: Wasteland 2

[Joined on the 4th of July]

Should have been Decline14_Wasteland2_Directors_Cut

 

[Dreaad]

Decline14_Wasteland2_Definitive_Edition

 

[Zephyr Arsland]

Submitted again. I sincerely hope that was the right pretender.

 

[Dayyālu]

Dreaad

KoolNoodles

Muty

SUBMIT YOUR GODDAMN PRETENDERS IT HAS BEEN A GODDAMN WEEK

 

[Dreaad]

Oh sorry... I thought raw was taking a month long break. So I procrastinated.

 

[Kane]

Oh sorry... I thought raw was taking a month long break. So I procrastinated.

I was ill the last week (still am) and now I am bummed out.

 

[Muty]

I'm still waiting for everyone else to post theirs :D

 

[Dayyālu]

KoolNoodles

Muty

Weeks to send a mail.

Weeks.

 

[KoolNoodles]

KoolNoodles

Muty

Weeks to send a mail.

Weeks.

I did not already submit.....?

Edit: I see, wasn't paying attention to how many times it was restarted or w/e.

 

[Dayyālu]

Muty

MUTYYYY

MUTYYYY



MUTYYYYYYYY

 

[Caul Shivers]

If the actual game is half as drama as getting it started is then dis game gon be gud.

 

[Muty]

oh its finally time.

 

[Joined on the 4th of July]

Now the Wheel has turned once again!

 

[Dreaad]

 

[KoolNoodles]

Can we restart? I think I uploaded the wrong Pretender.

 

[Dayyālu]

Can we restart? I think I uploaded the wrong Pretender.

This is a joke right

 

[Zephyr Arsland]

Prepare to meet your doom in the form of discrete amounts of goatmen and abomi- Wait, what?

 

[KoolNoodles]

Can we restart? I think I uploaded the wrong Pretender.

This is a joke right

Yes.

 

[Caul Shivers]

CHAPTER 1: THE FALL

It was not a particularly pleasant rousal for Maximus. He awoke with a splitting headache. It was just one of those days he guessed.
Except it clearly wasn't, was it? He grudgingly got up to his feet and realized something rather profound.
This was not his bed. Indeed this was not a bed at all and could hardly be mistaken for one. He was in a desert. A desert filled with sand. Well obviously, what else should a desert be filled with. He thought about a few more preferable things.
Then an even deeper realization hit him.
The desert and this blasted sand was everywhere. Truly. It enthusiastically stuck even to the most unsavory places.
Maximus flapped his wings a few times and did his best to discreetly brush away as much of it as he could. He failed spectacularly and sighed.
It was hot. Way too hot in fact. The sun blazed with a fiery vengeance bent on immolating the whole damn world.
He heard a shout from behind and turned to find a stout, puffy cheeked general scampering his way.
The troops called the man the barrel general. The name is not very creative but it fits rather well.

Cuntificus, report.

Avenging Master Maximus, it seems we've crash landed in this...

At a loss for words General Cuntificus simply gestured at their surroundings.

This. I can not say where we are nor how we came to be here. Half the troops think we've been bewitched while the other half thinks we're dead, though my baton did a good job of disillusioning them!

He shook his baton vigorously.

Any casualties?

Well a few, naturally. I had to crack open some skulls to get the message across.

He chuckled.

Maximus gave him a stare that sent a shiver down Cuntificus' spine even with the blazing sun and all the general's excess insulating fat.

Aham. I meant to say the fall decimated the legion Master Maximus. Our dead litter the desert floor and just about every soldier suffered some sort of injury. It doesn't look like we'll be airborn any time soon.

Maximus stood for a moment, looking over his broken ninth legion and the vast and empty desert as far as the eye could see.
The last thing he remembers before waking up was hearing these voices and then... nothing. Was it nothing though? He vaguely remembered a dream and in this dream a promise of unimaginable power if he would just...

Ahmpfff.

The fat little general interrupted Maximus' train of thought.

Avenging Master Maximus. What are your orders?

We must proceed with caution. Our numbers are respectable but we are on our own for the time being and in no condition to fight. Set up camp and send out scouting parties far and wide. I want to know more about this strange new world.

 

[Dayyālu]

As sometimes happen, the Game of the Gods went awry.

No one, even amongst the wise men of the Horse Tribes, knows exactly what went wrong. A failed Pretender, calling the Heavens down in a last desperate act of revenge? A unwise God, drowning the world in blood and demons until the Horrors came, and took with Magic even life? A bored Pantokrator, cleansing in flames creation, before departing for the Astral Plane?

No one knows for certain.

As no one knows for certain what was before. No one remembers. A piece of me would call them fools.

Some say there were many Gods. Some say One. There was an Kingdom, though. An kingdom between the rivers. Built on mud and toil. I remember that Kingdom.

Hiss'ith was a city in the Kingdom. Not the greatest, not the biggest. Yet, it had all: Rulers, Priests, Mages. No one remembers the traditions of the Kingdom, though. Nobles and commoners alike were embalmed and buried with honour and care. Subterranean tombs, you see. With small temples nearby, to give to the dead offerings. What, now the people don't believe that the dead needs servants and food too?

But as all things built by Men (and even things built by Gods, I have to admit) it ended. Traditions were forgotten. The small temples were left alone. Looters came, as usual. I wonder, what happens to the buried whose tomb gets desecrated? They lose their place in the Afterlife? Or they simply stop to be? I should know that, but I do not remember.

Centuries, if not millennia later, an army of Pale Ones was shattered. Fascinating creatures, of infinite sadness. The survivors dug deep. Found the burials. Amongst them there were Oracles, as they call their mages.

The Oracles wanted a new army. They found tombs of Warriors, Mages. Of Priests. While their rtual was performed, the Game of the Gods went bad. No Oracle survived to see the unliving they raised. Many of their Pale One warriors did, though. Simple creatures, they were in need of leadership. The awoken Dust King was magnanimous, and took them under his wise, reborn rule. Because there is much work to do. The world has been ruined. The traditions, forgotten. Much has been lost, but luckily.....

.... I remember.

 

[Dreaad]

I'm back!

Me too!!

Except this time we'll lead a different jew to victory!

 

[Grimwulf]

Papa Zulu, our people are starving!

The animals are dying from some kind of plague, Papa! We have nothing to feed our children with!

Lead us, Papa Zulu! We want to kill and conquer!

Savanna Mama talked to me in my dream. She told me Her will. We shall kill. And we shall conquer.

Follow me, warriors of Zimabwe! Savanna Mama told me to march towards the setting sun until we meet our allies!

How do we recognize them as allies? The Wasteland is full of evil men.

Savanna Mama told me these men are different, but they will fight among us. She told me they are ancient beings from distant past. She told they used to rule the whole world using technology and magical crystals, until technology failed them and crystals were no more. She told me the name of their leader - The One Who Knocks. I saw it all in my dream.

I see someone in the distance!

Yes. It must be the ones Savanna Mama told me about. Our new allies.

Papa Zulu! They are white!

White devils!

... Have faith. In Savanna Mama we trust... *clears throat* WHITE PEOPLE OF THE DESERT! WE HAVE COME IN PEACE!

Just look at them. Can't believe these... creatures will join us...

Spoiler

 

[Isiloon]

Cult leader with giant dick will use female neophytes to conquer the wastes

Hide your daughters

 

[Caul Shivers]

CHAPTER 2: STRANGER THINGS

Maximus awoke to utter and all-enveloping darkness.

Where am I?

Home.

Mother?

What? No you simpleton.

I don't know. You sound an awfully lot like her.

The Darkness sighed and slumped as much as an entity with no physical form could.

Who are you?

A better question would be what am I? I am the all encompassing emptiness. I am chaos. I am the beginning and the end. I, am the Darkness. It is by my will that you are here.

How?

Magic.

Oh that's such a cop out!

What do you mean?

You can't just say magic. Not like you just snapped your fingers and brought me here.

Well not just you, your entire army, but that's beside the point. And actually that's exactly what I did. Well minus the fingers part. No hands, see?

That's a terrible joke.

Oh right. You can't see me. This whole immaterial slash darkness thing. Hehe. That was kinda my point actually. Anyway, like I said, magic baby. Boom, you're here.

It's called artistic licence.

Huh?

You know. And the very fabric of space was torn asunder as an ancient and terrible being of tremendous power reaches across the planes and brought forth the legendary Legio IX.

That's actually pretty good.

I'm a writer, not a fighter. Jk, I'm a man of many talented and hidden depts.

Indeed. Now my young champion, let us discuss why you're here...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was well past midnight as Spymaster Fabulousius Extremus entered the fortification proper, if a heap of gathered sand that could barely stand up against the wind let alone an army could be call a fortification. He strode forth directly for the command tend where Avenging Master Comradus Maximus Diabolicus was sound asleep.

Cough, cough.

Fabulousius? Uhh. This better be good Dorothy.

Master Maximus, I bring news. My scouts report that we've found bats.

Bats?

Bats. Bats riding rats.

You're not making much sense there Rapunzel.

Far to the west there is a city of bat people. Xoco they call it. A despicable, foul, plague ridden heap of guano. They are led by a dried up husk with claims on godhood. It goes by the name of... Maximus.

What? How is that even..? Doesn't matter. There are more important things that demand my attention for the time being. Assemble the council first thing in the morning. Now skip. Skip away. Skip away. That's a good Rapunzel.

 

[Joined on the 4th of July]

"This. This is all mine! It's good to be a king!"

"Master! Our advance warning systems are picking up signals! Multiple interlopers are encroaching on our intellectual property!"

"Assemble the legions! Our response shall be swift and uncompromising."

"Yes, master. Our lawyers, frogmen, guerrilla marketers and salamander knights will be ready to march by the morn."