The story of Bitch.
This is the story about a guy named Bitch. It should have been Butch, but there you go. At the time of our story, he was working under Director Tarna, from the Ministery of Offending, subsection Unusual and Cruel Punishment. Bitch is build like a bull, behaves like a bully and has a little less brains. His favorite statement: 'whut?'. He speaks very well, though: he can repeat that statement endlessly. And he follows orders exemplary, if you speak slowly and repeat them a few times.
So, the day this story commences, he is ordered to go see Director Tarna.
'Ah, Bitch. Listen. I've got orders from President Diguru. See this picture? I want you to go out and find this guy. Talk some sense into him. He has been bothering the President.'
'whut?'
'Ah, yes. Look! Find! Hit! You got that?'
'Yes!'
'Repeat after me: The President is not pleased.'
'whut?'
'... Nevermind. Go!'
'Yes!'
So our dear hero, Bitch, walks outside and looks everyone he encounters threateningly in the eyes, to see if they match the picture. The third one fits: short, dark hair.
'You!'
'Sorry? Are you talking to me?'
Let us skip all the violence and continue with a smiling Bitch in Director Tarna's office.
'Sir!'
Quite accidentally, Bitch salutes with the hand that holds the poor victim. It happens.
'Hm. Could you try and leave the furniture in one piece next time?'
'whut?'
'Whatever. What is it?'
'Sir! Found and hit! Here!'
While extending the arm that is holding the victim, he manages to strike Director Tarna with the feet of the poor, defenceless victim. Did I tell you he is not very smart, but strong as a bull?
'Bitch, what are you doing? Who is it that you are holding in your hand? What happened?'
'whut?'
'Hmm... Report!'
'Sir! Found and hit! Here!'
'Who did you find?'
'This!' and he shows Tarna the picture, standing proud, a job well-done.
'That is not the guy we were looking for! What happened?'
'whut?'
Anyway, let's leave Director Tarna with his misery and the paperwork, let's skip the parts in which Bitch tries to deliver the poor, innocent, defenseless victim first to the hospital and later (as they cannot help it there) at the mortuary. Let's go back to him when he enters the sidewalk again and let's take a look inside his head.
Short. Light hair.
Long. Light hair.
Short. Dark hair. 'You!'
'Hmm? What is it?'
'This you!' and he shows the picture to the man.
'Eh, what?'
'This! You!' and he thrusts the picture in the man's face.
'Never seen him! I don't know him! Help! Let me go!'
After pondering this for some time, of which the man gladly makes use to run away as fast as he can, Bitch decides to try another one.
Did I tell you that this story takes place inside a very big space station, somewhere in the middle of nowhere? Probably not, as you would probably be hard pressed to believe in the existence of someone like Bitch in a place like that. Well, it does. Happens all the time. Ah, ok, it does not. Only in the case of Bitch. Whatever. Let's continue our story.
Bitch has this affinity with machines. He enters a cab and orders it to 'Go!'. The computer inside the cab is quite a bit more clever than Bitch, so it asks politely: 'Where do you want to go?'
It might be clear at this time, that Bitch is no man of many words (as long as it is not 'whut?'), so he uses this trick, of which he is secretly very proud, and just rams his fist into the dashboard.
'Go!'
Works every time. The poor, terrified cab takes off like a rocket.
At this time in the story, I cannot help but detect some scepticism from people who do not think that computers can be terrified. Rest assured, you would be too, if Bitch rammed his fist inside you! For Bitch, this is a fact of life, and who would we be to argue with that?
After some directionless travel, Bitch looks out of the window and sees the guy from the picture.
'Stop!'
The cab, very happy to get a chance to rid itself from this lethal bulk of muscle, has never been so fast to stop and open its door. Bitch gets out.
'You!'
'Who, me?'
Not very satisfied with the state of affairs so far, Bitch grabs him and hold his head next to the picture. And then, something completely unexplainable happens. Something that has not happened to Bitch for years. Doubt grips what goes for thinking.
This might be a good time to explain something. How could something as Bitch happen, in an age of wonders? Why would people let someone as Bitch happen to them? It is a good question. You see, Bitch was an experiment. Some very old and very wise people wanted to know if it was possible for a human to succeed in a high-tech environment without more brains than are needed for reflexes and motor control. To make sure the experimentee had a chance to survive, they took someone that would be aborted for being moronic otherwise and strengtened its muscles, bones and skin with an organic lattice made of very high tension stuff. And while they were at it, they gave him an extended immune-system. All in all, the experiment was not very sucessful. But while it failed, those very old and very wise people thought that it might be better to let the subject live than to risk very extensive damage to the station while trying to kill it. So they did. Ok, old and not very wise, you get it. But that's what happened.
Let's get back to where we were. For the first time, a thought surfaces in Bitch's brain. It has taken 24 years to develop, so it has to be important! And it is something unprecedented to Bitch. He is stunned. And it is a very strange thing: he thinks he should be more nice to people. How about that!
