In Progress Hatoful Boyfriend: I want to be a Pigeon!

[Darth Roxor]

What could possibly go wrong?

DRINK!1

 

[IronicNeurotic]

Drink it!

Shuu probably has some ulterior motive...
Don't forget about Anghel, bros.

Anghel is the codex bird.

 

[Hellraiser]

Drink the forbidden juice of madness.

 

[Thor Kaufman]

The one who drinks is right.

 

[lightbane]

Chug it. What's the worst that can happen, besides horrible death? Oh wait...

 

[Jack]

Slurp that shit up.

 

[Radisshu]

It's probably a really bad idea to drink it, so go ahead and do that

 

[LundB]

In this update, we learn the drugs are awesome. Also, PUDDING FOR THE PUDDING GOD.

: !!! Noooooooo! What are you doing!? That's not for humans!

: Cooo! (Okosan knew he could trust you, RK47! You are his greatest ally!)

: Yuck! What was in that?

RK47 Leveled Up! Wisdom increased by 10!

ED: Wisdom... increased? Well that's unexpected.

: Hmm... an interesting reaction. Thank you, this has been most informative.

ED: But... how does he know your stats, RK-chan?

I'm not sure why, but I think it made me smarter?

: Race you to the other end of the field, Okosan!

: Coooo!

: Coo? (What is it?)

: I've been wondering for a while, now... what is the pudding you're searching for?

: Cooooo! (Pudding is pudding, naturally!) ...Coo!? (Might you know where Okosan could find pudding, RK47?)

: Perhaps we could try the convenience store, Hisao?

: Cooo! (Indeed!? Okosan goes at once!)

: Wait, Okosa--

...and he's gone.

: Coo!

He's back.

: Coooo! (RK47 is a liar! A traitor to the cause!)

: Ow! Okosan, stop hitting! You're hurting me!

: Cooooooo! (There was no pudding! None at all! Not a trace!) Cooooooooooooo! (Okosan hates you, RK47!)

ED:

Noooo! Why is this happening?

: RK47!

: Sir!

: You're getting better. Keep it up!

: Yes, sir!

: ...but it's raining!

Oh, well. I'd go to the shrine, but this weather makes the wilderness dangerous. I think I'll sleep in like a good girl instead. I won't be able to send out cards in this rain, either! Fiddlesticks.

: I hope you all had good vacations? I hibernated.

: What a shocker.

: ...zzz...

: You're still hibernatING! Sir, wake up!

: Oh! Umm, I've said this before, but your junior year will be over before you know it. Let's enjoy this time while it lasts!

There's nothing special this semester... Nothing to worry about!

Oh! Tomorrow's Legumentine's! I think I'll buy some beans. Today, Legumentine's is a holiday where you give beans to the boy you like, but apparently it used to involve throwing them at pigeons. Disgraceful!

: Yes. Is there a kind that you think is particularly good?

: This year's trend is towards these bean medleys for racers, but they are a little pricey. It's hard to say without knowing the bird in question, really.

: Hmm... that's true. And sometimes the cheap ramen tastes better than the expensive stuff.

ED: We pick the Swollen Hemp, because who gives a shit?

: I'll take these!

: Thank you miss. Here you are.

Today's the day. The preparations are complete! Time to give the beans to that special somebirdie.

: Okosan! Okosan, wait!

: I have something for you! It's Legumentine's remember? Here! Hemp seeds!

: ! Cooooo! Cooooooo!

He seems extremely excited.

: Okosan, umm... a lot's happened since we met last spring... The semester's almost over, but I hope we can--

: Coooo! (Enough flirtations, woman! Hand over the hemp and no one gets hurt!)

He leaps at me, grabbing the package and scattering its contents across the floor. He pecks at the seeds with a motion and speed reminiscent of a jackhammer.

I don't think he's going to listen to my confession... Maybe I should have told him before I let him see the seeds... Oh, well. At least he's happy!

: Munsh munsh! Cooooooo! (RK47 is an angel of the pudding god, come to this world to spread joy and goodwill!) Cooooo! (Okosan will remember this gift forever!)

ED: Well at least he certainly doesn't hate you any more, RK47-chan.

I seem to have earned his lifelong trust with hemp. That's pretty cheap lifelong trust...

Finals are over! Time to coast along until spring break. Is the track team doing anything during break...? I should go ask...

: Are you in here?

There he is. He has a bag of dried beans and a canteen. Is he going hiking?

: What are you doing?

: Coo! (As you can see, Okosan is preparing to depart on a great journey!)

: Over spring break?

: Coooooo! (No! Okosan has quit school and is going on a quest!)

ED: You better not be rejoining your family in Scotland...

: What!? Okosan, you can't do that! It was a miracle for someone with a brain like yours to get into this school in the first place, and if you waste this chance you'll end up a failure!

: Cooo! (Okosan will not be stopped! Okosan is going on a quest to seek the true pudding!)

: What is the true pudding? It's not what I think of as pudding, right?

: Cooo! (Pudding is the ambrosia of the gods! Miracles in jiggling, corporeal form! Treasure shining with the seven colours of the rainbow!) Cooooo! (Those who partake of its wobbling flesh will never experience sadness again!)

Seven colours of the rainbow? I'm not sure I'd want to eat that...

: You're serious? You're leaving?

: Coo! (Okosan never goes back on his word!)

ED: There is only one viable choice, RK47. Leave school, be with your love!

: I'm coming with you.

: Coooooooo!? (What!? Fair maiden, this quest will be mortally dangerous!)

: I don't care. If this true pudding really exists, I want to find it with you.

ED: RK47-chan, you're a girl, and you already have 100x the balls of Hisao.

: Coo...!! (Hrrm... Okosan knows your abilities well, RK47. You will not be an impediment.)

: So you'll take me with you?

: Coooo! (Very well! Birds of a feather must flock together, after all!)

: Yaaaay! Let's go!

: Coo! (Until we catch the end of the rainbow!)

And so our great quest began. We will not rest until we have partaken of the seven-coloured jiggling wonder that is the true pudding!

…

We ran for years across fields, forests, and mountains, searching ever onwards... And now we stand in the ancient, unexplored Ruins of Pudding...

: So... this is the end? Haaaaaah!

: Don't open your eyes, Marion!

: Aaaaah! It's bright!

: Cooo! (Eyes! Eyes!)

…? There's nothing inside. A fake...?

: What should we do, Okosan? I guess this... Okosan?!

: ...clad in feathers of the purest white, his golden pudidng steed shining like the sun itself...

: Wh-what's wrong. Okosan? Why are you talking!?

: Okosan was but my Avatar on this mortal plane. I am now complete once more...!

: Okosan, what are you...?

: I am grateful to you, fair one. I have at last achieved my goal. I am now the bringer of True Pudding! I shall bring about a World of Pudding!

: What is this pudding you're talking about? Come on, tell me...!

: Pudding is hope. It is... the future. I shall now become... the very concept of pudding itself!

: Th-that's not Newtonian!

: I have enjoyed our travels together. However, you must live on without me! That is life. If you can fulfill the concept of pudding, I shall be satisfied. I shall not live nor die. I shall be the concept of Ideal Pudding, never in wax or wane! There shall be no regret. Farewell, RK47!

: Okosaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

And so the world was engulfed in pudding.

According to the fundamental principles of Okosan's new universe, every living being carries pudding in its heart... but there's still the unavoidable feeling of loss in mine.

And the credits begin to roll.

Music: This story is not an end yet. Because only you are in the infinity loop.

 

[Hirato]

This was certainly an unexpected turn of events.

 

[lightbane]

ED: But... how does he know your stats, RK-chan?

Mad scientists are self-aware enough as to ignore the 4th wall.

ED: RK47-chan, you're a girl, and you already have 100x the balls of Hisao.

I say even the most whiny, useless, annoying, insufferable anime character you can think of is better than Hisao.

That ending...

 

[Hellraiser]

Okosan has ascended!



Now what about them new unlocked secret files?

 

[SerratedBiz]

It seems that everybirdie has the divine spark in them nowadays.

 

[Thor Kaufman]

Seems like quite the X-Men school of bird mutants.

 

[LundB]

Now what about them new unlocked secret files?

Oh yes, the most important part!

First I'll just recap the images unlocked so far, so that next time I do this, I won't have to gather links to all the previous conspiracy posts:

And now, the New Shit™:

There's something above the chemistry room? I guess it isn't the 'Underground Facility' then... what is going on here? Also, able to move along a vertical axis? How? Teleportation?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, what route should I go for next?
- Sleepy Teacher bird Kazuaki (Mr. Nanaki)?
- Ladies' Man bird Yuuya?
- Weakling Childhood Friend bird Ryouta?
- Library Recluse bird Nageki?
- Fat Doctor Shuu's extended ending?

Even boring routes go pretty quickly now that we can skip so much (well, I quote the original post, but it's pretty easy for the reader to just skip past a quoted block if you remember what happened in it), so I'll probably keep on going with my current method of just getting everything copied down, unless there are objections or suggestions.

While people decide on a route, I'll quickly fast-forward through Sakuya's route to get his bad end (Only some birds have more than one end). If it's at all interesting, I'll put it up. If it's just him not coming back to live with RK47, I'll just post up whatever gets unlocked in the archive, if anything.

 

[Hellraiser]

Do we really want to see doctor mengele's extended ending?

Of course we do, go with the love doctor again

 

[IronicNeurotic]

We should take Yuuya next to get another not-so-plot-relevant route out of the way. Nageki's route is very much tied to the last route so we should take that last.

 

[LundB]

Ok, I played through Sakuya's shorter ending. Banal shit boring, same as the other one, but it cut off right after he left to confront his father.

However, it did unlock this:

I feel uncomfortable too, unknown journal writer.

 

[SerratedBiz]

Go for the doctor again, though I foresee that the most terrible of fates is reserved for when we open the Pandora's box that is Nageki.

 

[lightbane]

Go for the Doctor, then Yuuya.

 

[LundB]

Previously on Hatoful Boyfriend: Poor RK47 got murdered by the bird she loved.

This time, RK47 really applied herself, going to math class instead of music or gym, so that she'd be smart enough to woo the good doctor, and hopefully avoid having her severed head and guts tastefully raped. Did it work? Let's take a look!

Things start to get noticeably different by the time RK47 is getting her final exam returned.

RK47-chan is no longer doing badly or 'getting better' on her final exam, instead:

: Wh...what...!?

ED: Suck it, bitch. RK47-chan is smarter than you, after just a few extra math classes. Human supremacy demonstrated yet again.

: She beat you by two points, Shirogane. Oh well!

: Grrr...!

Sakuya's glaring daggers at me again. How nostalgic! Anyway, my hard work payed off! Yippee!

ED: Now lets see if it really pays off, and you get to have your guts go un-fucked, RK47-chan!

ED:We get the same Christmas scene as the first time romancing Shuu. I'm sure you remember the gifts, so I'm skipping it to save space. However, we start getting new stuff again on New Year's.

It's the first day of the new year. Looks like I'm still alive to enjoy it! It's a little cold out, but it's calm and the sun is warm. I think I'll go visit the shrine.

ED: Is this foreshadowing of you joining Fat Doctor in his killings and wearing the skin of anybirdie you kill, RK-chan? I hope so.

I think I'll buy an amulet and go home.

: !?

ED: I'm not even surprised by Ryouta crossdressing any more. That's a bad sign.

: Happy new year! Here's to many happy returns, right?

ED: Ok RK-chan, I'm starting to get sort of uncomfortable with all these mentions of how great it is to be alive.

: What are you doing, Ryouta?

: Exactly what it looks like! I'm working here today and tomorrow.

: O-oh... it looks good on you...!

: You came here to buy an amulet, right? Which would you like?

ED: We want to make sure you please Fat Doctor, RK47-chan. Let's go with school.

: Here you go!

: Thanks, Ryouta! Are you here all day today?

: Yup! The first day's always busy.

: Oh, well. I was going to ask if you wanted to get lunch together, but...

: Sorry, RK47. Maybe another time? Since you're here, why not go get a fortune? They're next to the main building, over there.

: Okay! Thanks. See you, Ryouta!

...

: Hmmm...

: Mister Nanaki! Happy new year!

: Oh, hello, RK47. Happy new year.

: Did you get a fortune, sir?

: Yes. Unfortunately, I seem to have drawn the chicken of ill omen... why don't you take one?

: I will!

Hmm, which should I take...? ...This one!

: Good, you got a better one than I did. I think this will be a good year for you, RK47.

ED: Yes! This feels like a good sign. I think we're getting Doctor Shuu's good end bros! True psycho love without poor RK-chan dying, at long last!

: Thank you, sir!

Wait, isn't that...?

: …!

He's standing a little way away from the crowd. Do partridges have winter plumage? He looks a little fluffier than usual.

: I wouldn't have expected to see you celebrating the new year here, sir!

: Celebrating? Hardly. I have no interest in gods, temples, or celebrations.

: Yup, that's what I thought!

So wait, what's he doing here?

: So, what are you here for, sir?

: I just happened to be passing by.

ED: Suuuuuuure... wait. Could it be, RK47-chan? Is he here to see... you?!

: But there's nothing else here! Why would you be...

: Is it a crime to aimlessly wander the city in the morning?

: N-no... I was just wondering.

: ...such a crowd, all at once. And as you said, there's nothing else around here. Who would notice if one or two were to disappear...?

ED: Well, some things never change. At least he's not killing us, right RK-chan?

: ...well, then. Goodbye, miss RK47.

Happy new year, creepy sexy doctor man!

: I hope you all had good vacations? I hibernated.

: What a shocker.

: ...zzz...

: You're still hibernatING! Sir, wake up!

: Oh! Umm, I've said this before, but your junior year will be over before you know it. Let's enjoy this time while it lasts!

There's nothing special this semester... Nothing to worry about!

Oh! Tomorrow's Legumentine's! I think I'll buy some beans. Today, Legumentine's is a holiday where you give beans to the boy you like, but apparently it used to involve throwing them at pigeons. Disgraceful!

: Yes. Is there a kind that you think is particularly good?

: This year's trend is towards these bean medleys for racers, but they are a little pricey. It's hard to say without knowing the bird in question, really.

: Hmm... that's true. And sometimes the cheap ramen tastes better than the expensive stuff.

ED: We pick the expensive racing blend. The doctor is a classy bird, he deserves nothing but the best.

: I'll take these!

: Thank you miss. Here you are.

Today's the day. The preparations are complete! Time to give the beans to that special somebirdie.

Music: Love Doctor

The doctor seems to be engaged in sweet embrace with a stack of papers at his desk. He didn't even look at me, and from his voice, he wants me to leave.

: Do you know what day it is, doctor?

: ...February third.

He glances at the calendar above his desk, and then returns to his papers.

: The anniversary of the first successful human embryo transfer.

: Really!?

: Of course, test tube babies had been successfully grown before then... So, what did you want? Were you hoping I would transfer you an avian ovum?

ED: Did he just offer to impregnate RK47-chan with some of his bird seed?

: N-no! I'd have to be a really sad girl to be fantasizing about bird eggs in the school infirmary! It's Legumentine's, sir. You give beans to the boy you like. So, h-here!

ED: Don't lie, RK47. You know you fantasize daily about popping out some partridge eggs and nurturing them until they hatch. (Hey kids! For some extra despair in humanity fun, google "Egg laying fetish" and click the first result! RK47-chan is not alone in her vile predilections.)

: You're giving these to me?

: Yes!

He finally looks over at me. But his expression is still... no, it's changed to something else.

: These are quite elegantly packaged.

: Yes! I got the most expensive ones for you, sir!

: So these were sold to you as some sort of luxury item. I see. Such a thing would never have occurred to us, if we had lived long ago. To think that we live in a society where price is completely disconnected from amount and nutritional value.

Is this a roundabout way of saying that the beans aren't worth their pricetag...?

: The value comes from the fact that they are expensive alone... Fascinating. I shall experiment on them later.

: No, you're supposed to eat them! The nutritional value and appearance aren't important... the important part is the fact that I gave them to you, today!

: You gave me beans that anyone could get, with the money. ...worthless.

ED: And so the LP stars align, a Word's Worth reference in Hatoful Boyfriend.

: In that case, I'll bring you beans that I grew myself, next year! Just you wait!

This is the last day I have infirmary duty, as well.

ED: And now, the moment of truth... this is where it got bad last time.

The infirmary is quiet and peaceful as always. The orderly rows of medicines, the neatly-made be--

: ...huh?

Something stinks in here. It's coming from the bed behind the curtains... I'm scared.

ED: Oh shit, not this again.

: !

Music: Revelation

At the foot of the bed sits a washbasin, its liquid pink, with a stack of scissors coated in blood and feathers in the bottom. The blood on the bed is still wet...

ED: Just leave, RK! This time, just fucking leave!

: Th-this is...

The students who disappeared after going to the infirmary.
Yuuya.
That mysterious smile the doctor gave when I asked him...

: I... I have to get out of here... I have to tell someone...!

I need to report it. To the police? Anyway, I need to get away. I need to get out before he--

: You're early today, miss RK47.

ED: He better not reject our love this time!

: !

: D-doctor... this... blood...

He didn't even try to deny it! He... he...

: ......

The-- the door's locked...!?

: Going home so soon?

: It won't... open...

: Indeed, it won't. After all, there are so many bad little boys and girls who try to leave before their examinations are over... like you.

: D-doctor, you... You really have been... cutting people up and using them for your experiments...?

: Do you really need to ask that? After all, you even helped me!

: Helped you...? I... I would never...!

: Don't tell me you've forgotten already? Just at the start of this semester you helped me destroy a little evidence. You brought back the ID card of one of my guinea pigs. I suppose I dropped it by accident. You really helped me out, then. We can't leave things like that lying around, now can we?

: Then... Yuuya? What did you do to Yuuya!?

: Oh? I thought you'd figured that out already.

: He's in here, miss RK47... In here.

: The...

Flashback: The big one is... It looks like... a roast chicken? Or maybe a turkey? I'm not sure what people eat on Christmas. It's still warm! He must have had it delivered in a hurry.

: That... you can't be... no... no..!

: How did he taste? I was worried he might be a little tough... I did so regret not having a better bird to send you. It simply wouldn't do to have you throw him out.

That... that was Yuuya...?

: Aah! Aaaaahh... that's a beautiful face, miss RK47. I have longed so dearly to see that face. You could tell from the start that I was dangerous, couldn't you? And yet you came to see me, again and again. Very... assertively.

: No... I just... had to come for infirmary duties...

: Was that really it? You knew I planned to kill you, and yet you came anyway... are you sure you didn't... have feelings for me, perhaps?

No! ...I want to say, but my tongue is like lead in my mouth. Maybe it's true. Maybe, somewhere deep inside, I love the doctor...

ED: AND THIS TIME HE LOVES YOU. THIS TIME HE LOVES YOU. HE HAS TO LOVE YOU THIS TIME AND NOT KILL YOU! THIS IS MEANT TO BE HIS GOOD END. GOOD END MEANS YOUR INTERIOR ORGANS DON'T GET RAPED RK-CHAN! ORGAN RAPE DOES NOT HAPPEN IN GOOD ENDS I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS.

: I am afraid that I have room for only one love in my life, and that is my research-- but it would be cruel to ignore your earnestness. And so I put much thought into how I might reward you.

ED:

He's going to kill me. I know he's going to kill me. So why can't I move? Why don't I want to?

ED: Why is this happening again? I don't understaaaaaaaannnnnd!

Why can't I pull my eyes from his?

ED: Yep. Your guts are getting tastefully raped again, RK47-chan. Why is this still happening?

: You have chased after death's allure most diligently. I suppose you're too afraid to speak, now...?

[slashing noises]

ED: I believe I summed up my feelings pretty well last time when I said "OH GOD FUCK YOU FAT DOCTOR, FUCK YOU GAME, FUCK YOU CODEX FOR LEADING RK47-CHAN AND I TO THIS END FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I HATE YOU ALL" because seriously, FUC-

Wait.

Huh?

That's odd...

The credits should be rolling...

This time, is there...

Something more?

 

[Thor Kaufman]

That time of the year again?

 

[Hellraiser]

More? The suspense is killing me.

 

[IronicNeurotic]

Something more? .

Hopefully its what I think it is. Otherwise....

 

[LundB]

RK47 died! Why are the credits not rolling?

What is going on?

...

...

: The researcher we despatched to the school has stolen a highly-classified sample, and fled. He took sample HB:087, the human head. We have not confirmed whether he is armed. We have sealed off the area, and given the order for him to be terminated with extreme prejudice. He seems to be acting alone, so our retrieval squad should take care of everything quickly. Please, help yourselves – the cheese danish are rather good.

ED: Motherfucking Hawk Party. I should have known Doctor Shuu was working for them... but what did they hire him to do...?

Music: The End

: ...have these brutes no mercy? Though, I did agree to this from the start... hoho. We seem to be in a bit of a pickle, miss RK47.

ED: Talking to RK-chan after you killed her Why, Fat Doctor Shuu?

: They suddenly asked that I give you to them. And to think that until now, they considered you worthless! I was the one who preserved you so beautifully. You like the jar, do you not?

: Do you know of the mere-exposure effect? It states that one can become attracted to things simply through repeated contact with them. A conundrum, indeed. I think perhaps I have felt new emotions, since I acquired you.

ED: D-do you love her... after all?

: ...We have but little time left together, I fear. I do not like the idea of handing you over to them, so I fear I must break you once more.

ED:

: Good night, miss RK47... our time together has been... fascinating.

[Sound of breaking glass]

: Weapons free! Take him down!

[A single burst of gunfire, a splash, then silence.]

ED: They got to die together, so romantic! My emotions are more engaged than they have ever been before.

And the credits begin to roll.

Music: This story is not an end yet. Because only you are in the infinity loop.

 

[Hirato]

I propose going after the teacher next