Tacticular Cancer: We'll have your balls

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KickStarter Let us RECLAIM THE HOLY LAND FOR ALLAH

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Darth Roxor, Jun 8, 2017.

  1. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    i am detecting great agenda in this thread
     
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  2. oscar Tacticular Staff

    oscar
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    French plan.
     
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  3. RK47 Master of Mayhap Patron

    RK47
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    Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
    lol so many dumb options of late.
    I guess it's a literacy check.
     
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  4. Storyfag Prophet

    Storyfag
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    Go templar plan. Don't mind seeing the Pope burning you along with Jacques de Molay ^^
     
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  5. Reject_666_6 Cipher

    Reject_666_6
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    German plan, duh.

    If we went with safe, reasonable options, would there have even been a Crusade?!? DEVS VVLT BITCH
     
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  6. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    CHAPTER XV - IMPRISONED WITH THE PHARAOHS

    Show Spoiler

    [​IMG]

    YOU FOOLS! YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL WITH YOUR AGENDA!

    Anyways, I bought Extortion in case the cavalry charge turns too much for us.

    Now, for a history lesson.

    By the time of the Third Crusade, Cairo was no longer a part of the Fatimid Caliphate, as the caliphate had already ceased to exist. It was conquered by Turks 20 years prior to it, after which it was given to Saladin by his uncle Asad ad-Din and assimilated into what would become the Ayyubid Sultanate of Egypt and Syria.

    [​IMG] As the hawk will hunt the rabbit, so I shall hunt you.

    So sayeth Saladin. Let's show him where he can stick it.



    [​IMG]

    Welcome to glorious Al-Qahira, my friends!

    [​IMG]

    We begin with but 5 regiments, chillin' in the shadow of some nearby trees.

    [​IMG]

    Bad news is: we have a MINUTE to storm the hilltop before the Saracen catapults appear. LOL WUT

    Fortunately, it's protected only by seljuks. Light infantry and archers.

    [​IMG]

    After that are the ports. And again it's just seljuks, except for two Mameluk units...

    [​IMG]

    Three units of light horsemen are hiding here. These we will probably have to beat back, and I have a very bad feeling about this.

    [​IMG]

    Last group is a bunch of seljuk spearmen and archers.

    FUCKING SELJUKS I SWEAR

    [​IMG]

    Also, it takes our dudes almost a minute just to get down from the hill...

    [​IMG]

    WHICH MEANS THE CATAPULTS ARE NOW UP AND RUNNING AND LOBBING BOULDERS AT US

    FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU

    [​IMG] Your barbaric ways. Your crude plans. You are too transparent, my friend!

    [​IMG]

    The seljuk archers are no match for us, fortunately.

    [​IMG]

    One catapult down.

    I could use extortion to instakill the other, but I'd really rather save it for the cavalry.

    [​IMG]

    Second catapult about to fall.

    [​IMG]

    There we go.

    [​IMG]

    and here they come.

    Good news: We have the high ground.

    Bad news: The infantry, i.e. the only ones who could actually do something once these fuckers get close, is at 19/48 dudes

    :hmmm:

    [​IMG] I am not a vindictive man. Once you are my prisoner, you shall live. Maybe you will tend my camels.

    [​IMG]

    Repositioning

    [​IMG]

    For the first time in the history of this LP, I pop the potions for the archers. Since this says "of concentration", I can only assume "shoot" = "accuracy boost", which will be imperative against running cavalry.

    [​IMG]

    But then the seljuk cavalry reaches the hill...

    ... and stops :hmmm:

    [​IMG]

    Allowing us to just shoot them out like ducks:whatho:

    [​IMG]

    :lol:

    [​IMG]

    The third regiment finally activates and tries to do something about us.

    [​IMG]

    yeah forget it lol :hero:

    [​IMG] Aargh! You are indeed a thorn in my side!

    [​IMG]

    The rest of our dudes join up.

    Note the camouflage we can deploy. This is a default thing you get when one of your heroes has Military Engineering but the map otherwise doesn't allow siege weapon building.

    No need to use it, though, since we're gonna have to come down from the hill anyway.

    [​IMG]

    As you may see

    [​IMG]

    The enemy force has not changed at all.

    [​IMG]

    Which means GRORIOUS CAVALRY CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAERG

    [​IMG]

    SPREAD OUT

    AND

    [​IMG]

    BANG!

    [​IMG]

    :hero:

    [​IMG] Hmm, the situation looks grave indeed. Maybe a change of plan is needed.

    [​IMG]

    Check out the one guy trying to leg it with the loot. I haste the templars away to get 'im.

    [​IMG]

    To hell with you, heathens.

    [​IMG]

    Moving on.

    [​IMG]

    Too many spearmen here to go full retard, so I disperse the troops to herd them into our archers.

    [​IMG]

    WELL THESE BLOKES SURE HOLD FAST

    [​IMG]

    If that is their wish...

    [​IMG]

    Attacking finally triggers the spearmen to react, so we do some more dispersing.

    [​IMG]

    And luring

    [​IMG]

    :hero:

    [​IMG]

    After which it's just stragglers remaining.

    [​IMG]

    And these archer dudes. YOU HAVE FUN THERE BOYS.

    [​IMG] We have a saying: when the camel sings, it is time to leave the oasis.

    [​IMG]

    Alas, Saladin fled the battlefield before we could capture him. Perhaps we'll be more lucky in Damascus!

    [​IMG]

    Reinforcement costs are puny.

    [​IMG]

    Which obviously means putting Wilhelm and his men on horseback.

    [​IMG]

    A new event triggers in Cairo.

    I am pretty sure Cairo and the original Alexandria are NOT the same, however, and they are as far from each other as you can get, but hey, this game is funky with historicity :hmmm:

    Still, choice is pretty straightforward.
    - Letting the Templars shovel dirt will net us rep, a relic and 3 potions.
    - Letting the Papists shovel dirt will net us rep, a relic and 9k geld.

    [​IMG]

    Just two provinces left until the HOLY LAND is finally LIBERATED from the CLAWS of the SARACEN DEVILS.

    [​IMG]

    Let us start with Damascus and run down Saladin.

    [​IMG]

    Are they seriously calling Damascus a TOWN? :lol:

    Anyway, four plans available, so our options are pretty robust.

    [​IMG]

    The French offer the opportunity to go on an escort quest!

    We shall crush the Saracens in a glorious open battle, alongside two regiments of cannon fodder auxiliary cavalry. One of them we'll have to keep alive, though.

    [​IMG]

    Germans once again show their overspending character, and they suggest giving the turk mercenaries a Best Deal of 3k ducats to make them gtfo. Then we shall crush the remaining Saracens.

    [​IMG]

    The Templars want to further their own agenda and use the chaos of the battle to grab the clay of a nearby monastery.

    We shall first crush the Saracens in a glorious open battle, then move towards the city and wipe out their remaining comrades stationed there, allowing the Templars to set up shop in Damascus.

    [​IMG]

    The Papists are not at all amused about the Templar agenda, and they'd rather cut it short. We will attack in two phases:

    Phase one will see us kill the Saracens.

    Phase two will have us lay down a trap for the incoming Templars and kill them before they can put their filthy hands on the bones of Saint Justinian! Whichever Saint Justinian that might even be, cuz I doubt it's the one of Ramsey Island.


    Who shall start the Great Archeological Expedition (tm) in Cairo?
    Whose agenda shall we support in Damascus?

    Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

     
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  7. oscar Tacticular Staff

    oscar
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    Give it to the papists

    Templar battle plan.
     
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  8. Reinhardt Arcane

    Reinhardt
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    Papists for event.
    French plan for battle. Escort missions are fun.
     
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  9. hello friend Arcane

    hello friend
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    Templars for event.
    French plan.
     
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  10. Erebus Arcane

    Erebus
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    Freaking Seljuk horsemen, not competent enough to provide a challenge even with a clear advantage.


    This sounds good.
     
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  11. Storyfag Prophet

    Storyfag
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    Templar event.
    Teuton plan.
     
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  12. Reject_666_6 Cipher

    Reject_666_6
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    Pope-a-scroll event and Teutonic Taktikks.
     
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  13. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    CHAPTER XVI - I DON'T EVEN

    Show Spoiler

    [​IMG]

    The Pope gets the privilege of digging through mud for our amusement.

    [​IMG]

    Which nets us this reric. Not bad, at current faith it gives any hero +10 armour (they have 25. Don't ask me how 25% of 25 = 10)

    The $$$ we got I also splurge on a bunch of weapon and armour upgrades for knights and archers.

    [​IMG]

    After which it's off we go to accompany Philip of Artois on a Near Impossible Feat (tm), poisoning the Saracen wells beforehand.

    As you may have gathered from the previous update already, during the Third Crusade Damascus was ruled by Saladin, as part of a joint Sultanate of Egypt and Syria. This time the kebab chief will not get away from our grasp!

    [​IMG] As I look about, I take little comfort. I must not fail my people.



    [​IMG]

    Here we are. Given the lack of any big city walls, this obviously isn't the city of Damascus proper. No idea why they'd not include it in the game, but so it goes.

    Philip is a mounted hero, who brings with him two more units of Crusader Knights. Fairly trashy, but heavy cavalry is heavy cavalry.

    [​IMG]

    To the east is the monastery of Saint Justinian. Since it's not a concern of ours, it's barely guarded - just two seljuk regiments.

    [​IMG]

    To the north is a plain with a countdown, where the Turk reinforcements will come in from.

    [​IMG]

    While northeast, on a small hill, there's the main enemy army.

    And it is

    you've guessed it

    100% seljuks

    ...

    THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A VERY HARD MISSION

    WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING GAME

    REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    [​IMG]

    No matter. We first take our archers, light cavalry and infantry north to these woods to intercept the incoming turks.

    [​IMG]

    The knights will escort Philip because he'll certainly just rush into the seljuk mob, carried by French sentiments.

    [​IMG]

    oh hey more seljuks run out of the forests along the way

    [​IMG]

    maybe i'd be more concerned if they were fucking assassins or something

    [​IMG] The desert is no place for you. Go home, my friend. Go home.

    You bet your ass, Sal.

    [​IMG]

    the incoming turk reinforcements are, of course, also seljuks

    this isn't even funny anymore [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Time to chop up the first trash.

    [​IMG]

    The main army is coming down to get a piece of us too. Good.

    [​IMG]

    Moar seljuks, heuehuehue

    [​IMG] The sands of time are running out for you, my friend.

    FUCK YOU

    [​IMG]

    Rambeau of Artois decides to spearhead the charge.

    [​IMG]

    We follow five steps behind to let his bros take all the initial damage.

    [​IMG]

    And then it's disco time.

    [​IMG]

    :discohitler:

    [​IMG]

    Meanwhile I notice crossbowmen taking damage.

    Oops, I forgot to order them to stop running towards the seljuks, and suddenly a turk bowmen regiment spawned :M

    [​IMG]

    They actually lose a lot of men on the retreat lol. This would certainly be a dumb way to lose a unit at this point.

    [​IMG] My forces have struck another blow against you. This is but the beginning of the end for you, my friend.

    So you say, Saladin, but then I check the other front...

    [​IMG]

    And I don't even have any idea what's going on here anymore :M

    [​IMG]

    Shoopin' out the turks with our proper archers. I order the infantry to move forward, no point wasting more time here against SELJUK WARRIORS

    [​IMG]

    While over here there's nothing left but our knights and their deaders.

    [​IMG] By all that is holy, you fight well! Too well, I fear.

    [​IMG]

    The reinforcements in the north finally stop spawning. Their total number was: 2x seljuk warriors, 1x turk bowmen, 1x seljuk light horsemen, 1x saracen horsemen

    :prosper:

    [​IMG]

    Needless to say, they aren't much of a challenge for us. A few langschilde get trampled, but that's about it.

    [​IMG]

    And then suddenly the men start rejoicing.

    [​IMG]

    I didn't even get to clear the monastery in the corner of the remaining seljuks ;_;

    [​IMG] You are mighty in battle, but are you just as well? I put myself at your mercy.

    [​IMG]

    (Depiction of Richard (left) and Saladin (right), c. 1250–60)

    We kick Saladin's fat ass into the deepest dungeon we can find and prepare a special cell for waterboarding!

    Although the fact that we haven't actually faced him as a unit in any battle yet makes me wonder if he won't be present in Baghdad...

    [​IMG]

    Losses cost a bit to replenish, but lol @ money at this point.

    [​IMG]

    We were also rewarded with ANOTHER useless unit of lvl 0 longshields. To the trash they go.

    [​IMG]

    We can also recruit English Longbowmen now. A clearly superior option to the crusader archers, we upgrade all our bowmen into them.

    Some level ups.

    [​IMG]

    Nothing particularly useful for the chevaliers, but I guess scatter is always welcome.

    [​IMG]

    The upgraded bowmen get to redistribute their skillz. The only ones from their selection that we haven't seen yet are:

    [​IMG]

    Aimed shots.

    [​IMG]

    Evasion.

    I picked aimed shots + arms-bearer + masterwork weapons for all three regiments.

    [​IMG]

    The last mission also kicked us over another rep threshold for Philip August and the French.

    [​IMG]

    :bros4lyfe:

    [​IMG]

    Two new events spring up in Damascus.

    [​IMG]

    The vultures scramble for our loot! You know the drill.

    - French give us rep and 10k geld to spend on trinkets.
    - Germanos give us rep, a kaptin and some unit equipment.
    - Templars give us +2 rep and a templar unit (so in other words 4k ducats because we'll be selling them at once).

    [​IMG]

    The second event is, once again, papists and templars being at each other's throats.

    - Papal States promise us rep, a reric and a faith boost (the power of prayer!)
    - Templars promise rep, a kaptin, a priest and a weapon.

    [​IMG]

    The last day dawns, my good men. Baghdad is the final province left for us to conquer.

    [​IMG]

    I remember siding with the Templars during the battle of Jerusalem and not having too many regrets, you fucking scumbag game :rpgcodex:

    Also, lol @ "one of the toughest battles yet" - who wants to start placing bets on how many seljuks we'll get to face here?

    [​IMG]

    So yeah, one plan available, and it's the Teutons. Sounds like a pretty big battle is ahead of us.

    Baghdad is surrounded by double walls and a moat, so we'll have to breach each of these in a three-phased attack.

    1st, we have to set up siege weapons and break through the outer wall.
    2nd, we must cross the moat.
    3rd, we need to break through the inner wall and take the city itself.

    Many assets available (sabotage, poison the wells, engineers, tunnelers), and with all the defences stacked up here, we can probably expect many Saracen trebuchets and the like. Let us hope it will not be a disappointment this time, because all the supposedly "hard" maps except perhaps Al-Jazira have been a complete joke so far.


    So, for your final choices in dis campaign, you may now decide on the fate of the damascene steel and the Krak des Chevaliers.

     
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  14. Azira Arcane Patron

    Azira
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    Codex 2012
    Go full Templar. Can you reach max rep with them that way?
     
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  15. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    We need 2 more rep points to go max, so we'd have to give them the damascene steel copyright.
     
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  16. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    In fact, here are our current reps:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    So as you can see, the only ones we can still raise through any thresholds atm are the templars.
     
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  17. Jaedar Arcane Patron

    Jaedar
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    Project: Eternity Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2
    Don't care about damascus steel, but we are still a king of barely adequate faith.

    Since steel would max us with templars, lets do that.
     
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  18. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    Ahem, excuse me, but Richard has been a king of satisfactory faith since Chapter XII :rpgcodex:
     
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  19. Storyfag Prophet

    Storyfag
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    Steel to Templars
    Castle to Pope
     
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  20. hello friend Arcane

    hello friend
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    Templars for the metal, papists for the castle.
     
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  21. Reinhardt Arcane

    Reinhardt
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    This.
    HRE too. But only after last battle.
     
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  22. oscar Tacticular Staff

    oscar
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    Full Templartard
     
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  23. Storyfag Prophet

    Storyfag
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    We need to reach page 9. Just sayin.
     
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  24. Erebus Arcane

    Erebus
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  25. Make America Great Again Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis, Hater of Eternity

    Darth Roxor
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    tried to go through final battle just now

    first a runtime error

    then a crash

    let's see if third time works better :M
     
    • it is a mystery it is a mystery x 1
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