MZeta
Scholar
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2015
- Messages
- 103
-
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Completed Let's earn glory and dig graves in Battle Brothers: a blind Ironman LP
- Thread starter Undead Phoenix
- Start date
Beowulf
Arcane
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,967
Sic transit gloria mundi. I died on page 3. But who cares now...
I care. We all bet it'd have been abandoned on page3, not on page 9.
So it's not a n+1, but n^2 actually (where n is the number of pages on which previous LP was abandoned).
Or perhaps there is some correlation with the title length?
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
It'll end on page 11 I reckon. But you are right - the clue is in the titleSic transit gloria mundi. I died on page 3. But who cares now...
I care. We all bet it'd have been abandoned on page3, not on page 9.
So it's not a n+1, but n^2 actually (where n is the number of pages on which previous LP was abandoned).
Or perhaps there is some correlation with the title length?
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
oscar's rolls aren't the greatest...
But they are a hell of a lot better than MZeta's...
At least we have SmartCheetah who has given me enough reason to trust him with a bow.
Since Hoodoo has turned to the Watch, he's relegated to butchery
We are fewer now in number after that glorious battle, in need of some trustworthy Bros to fill the bloodstained boots we'vetaken from our fallen looted.
What is this!? I can't just take any cunt willing to fight under our banner! I do not scale to your level
Before setting off, we honour our dead in the only appropriate way
MZeta. Lightweight
Our search for work takes us to the keep at Birkenburg. Fuck the nobility, but they do pay reasonably.
Yes. I'm fighting Orc's again
Are you with me?
But they are a hell of a lot better than MZeta's...
At least we have SmartCheetah who has given me enough reason to trust him with a bow.
Since Hoodoo has turned to the Watch, he's relegated to butchery
We are fewer now in number after that glorious battle, in need of some trustworthy Bros to fill the bloodstained boots we've
What is this!? I can't just take any cunt willing to fight under our banner! I do not scale to your level
Before setting off, we honour our dead in the only appropriate way
MZeta. Lightweight
Our search for work takes us to the keep at Birkenburg. Fuck the nobility, but they do pay reasonably.
Yes. I'm fighting Orc's again
Are you with me?
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
We have the high-ground, not that it matters a great deal. We're too far away from the lip to prevent the enemy from taking an even footing.
I shift our line into a better position, standing just outside of attack range so we'll get the first blow in.
Not a mistake. I obviously intentionally baited them into charging our dudes :monocle:
Attempting to conserve our numbers advantage, MZeta takes a step forward and challenges three Orcs to try and get past him.
We just need a turn. We're smashing the three who got to us first. MZeta cannot buy us that time though and Hoodoo suffers for it.
Beowulf fluffs his lines twice but oscar is there to bail him out.
The downsides of keeping a number superiority is that we get outnumbered elsewhere. aeternalis is dueling a Warrior and a Young Orc but takes some of the heat off with a stunning blow.
aeternalis' shield shatters under the force of an axe-blow and MZeta has similar woes.
My kite-shield! I'd just bought that! Fuck you!
I'm going to murder every single one of there filthy beasts to make up for the gold they've just cost me
We might only be fighting a single Orc Warrior in the south, but he's ignoring our strikes and fucking up aeternalis hard.
No! Not my heater-shield! Bastards!
Why yes, that is a decapitated Orc head you see
Without his shield, @Andjord resorts to blocking the axe with his ugly mug.
And down he goes! Two blows to the head in quick succession and he's struck down! Tough guy won't die.
aeternalis is hurting and the Warrior is using his shield smartly. So Modron tries to shove him to a less dangerous location.
Well. Shit.
With other options exhausted we swamp him in bodies, giving a hefty penalty on his chance to hit.
It doesn't help. RIP aeternalis
We keep hitting, but nothing is happening!
The Hoodoo-Azira rapetrain comes to end of line _____ line ends here
The cavalry is on the way but Modron is now in trouble!
He recovers enough to raise his shield to block a blow that would have torn him in two.
And that is enough time for us to completely surround aeternalis' killer.
Well you sure weren't going to win any beauty contests before, so this doesn't make any difference
I shift our line into a better position, standing just outside of attack range so we'll get the first blow in.
Not a mistake. I obviously intentionally baited them into charging our dudes :monocle:
Attempting to conserve our numbers advantage, MZeta takes a step forward and challenges three Orcs to try and get past him.
We just need a turn. We're smashing the three who got to us first. MZeta cannot buy us that time though and Hoodoo suffers for it.
Beowulf fluffs his lines twice but oscar is there to bail him out.
The downsides of keeping a number superiority is that we get outnumbered elsewhere. aeternalis is dueling a Warrior and a Young Orc but takes some of the heat off with a stunning blow.
aeternalis' shield shatters under the force of an axe-blow and MZeta has similar woes.
My kite-shield! I'd just bought that! Fuck you!
I'm going to murder every single one of there filthy beasts to make up for the gold they've just cost me
We might only be fighting a single Orc Warrior in the south, but he's ignoring our strikes and fucking up aeternalis hard.
No! Not my heater-shield! Bastards!
Why yes, that is a decapitated Orc head you see
Without his shield, @Andjord resorts to blocking the axe with his ugly mug.
And down he goes! Two blows to the head in quick succession and he's struck down! Tough guy won't die.
aeternalis is hurting and the Warrior is using his shield smartly. So Modron tries to shove him to a less dangerous location.
Well. Shit.
With other options exhausted we swamp him in bodies, giving a hefty penalty on his chance to hit.
It doesn't help. RIP aeternalis
We keep hitting, but nothing is happening!
The Hoodoo-Azira rapetrain comes to end of line _____ line ends here
The cavalry is on the way but Modron is now in trouble!
He recovers enough to raise his shield to block a blow that would have torn him in two.
And that is enough time for us to completely surround aeternalis' killer.
Well you sure weren't going to win any beauty contests before, so this doesn't make any difference
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
Satisfied? 
Loot is always a more beautiful sight than the faces of our dead comrades. That is why Azira hands away his shield for something fresh and new that he just pried away from the cold, stiff hands of a dead Orc. No axe will fuck this up.
Modron hits specialisation time, but as I couldn't be bothered waiting around I went ahead and gave him Crossbow Mastery
We find a few dead knights but nothing we really want. Where has their good armour and weapons gone? It's a mystery.
On the way back we pass a roving group of Bandits. With the injuries in our group, we each keep our distance.
However we do engage in a little smash and grab.
Andnjord's burka doesn't quite hide his Charisma of 3.
Roughly 500 crowns worth of loot for zero effort and risk. Nice.
There's a three skull patrol mission available, which I'm all too happy to take. We need a couple of days to let our lingering injuries subside.
On the road we get a random event.
It doesn't seem to have any effect. An old soldier giving us some backstory in a nice way, not in some shitty lore dump.
First port of call is furnished with both an armourer and a weaponsmith.
So I splash out on some heavy armour and a Greatsword for Beowulf. We need something that hits hard.
Next stop is Kampstadt. We're almost there when...
Goblin Ambushers! Twelve of them! Out of nowhere!
Loot is always a more beautiful sight than the faces of our dead comrades. That is why Azira hands away his shield for something fresh and new that he just pried away from the cold, stiff hands of a dead Orc. No axe will fuck this up.
Modron hits specialisation time, but as I couldn't be bothered waiting around I went ahead and gave him Crossbow Mastery
We find a few dead knights but nothing we really want. Where has their good armour and weapons gone? It's a mystery.
On the way back we pass a roving group of Bandits. With the injuries in our group, we each keep our distance.
However we do engage in a little smash and grab.
Andnjord's burka doesn't quite hide his Charisma of 3.
Roughly 500 crowns worth of loot for zero effort and risk. Nice.
There's a three skull patrol mission available, which I'm all too happy to take. We need a couple of days to let our lingering injuries subside.
On the road we get a random event.
It doesn't seem to have any effect. An old soldier giving us some backstory in a nice way, not in some shitty lore dump.
First port of call is furnished with both an armourer and a weaponsmith.
So I splash out on some heavy armour and a Greatsword for Beowulf. We need something that hits hard.
Next stop is Kampstadt. We're almost there when...
Goblin Ambushers! Twelve of them! Out of nowhere!
Beowulf
Arcane
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2015
- Messages
- 1,967
Satisfied?
So I splash out on some heavy armour and a Greatsword for Beowulf. We need something that hits hard.
I'm hard. And Satisfied. Thanks boss, for not jewing on my dream gear.
Also -
Ave fratres, morituri te salutant.I have a feeling that now, when I finally can be a death machine I was born to be, I will die an ironic and tragic death.
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
Any chance we had of a tactical withdrawal is cut off as a large number of Wolfrider's charge into close combat. We're going to have to do this the hard, bloody way.
I've never fought these things before, and they do seem pretty solid in melee - hard to hit with reasonable armour, but no guts no glory!
Beowulf raises his long, hard, well-polished blade and slams it down onto the wolves head, killing it in a single strike! But here's where I find out that if you kill the mount, the rider lives on.
It doesn't even stun them. Which I call bullshit on. Thankfully oscar has a Permanent Solution to shitty balance.
MZeta anchors our line with his trusty spear. Spears should beat cavalry, right?
Thankfully they attacked us at night so these Ambushers' effectiveness will be lessened. In theory.
Hoodoo misses both attacks. I considered using shield-wall, but we need to even out the numbers before they bring everything to bear and our stamina in these heavier armours is not the greatest.
I almost spilt my tea! I would have thought they'd have a charge attack a la Orcs, but no - they have three attacks. Three!
Since it was night I'd pulled Modron into our shield-wall, but that just seems to have made him a target.
RIP Modron
I've never fought these things before, and they do seem pretty solid in melee - hard to hit with reasonable armour, but no guts no glory!
Beowulf raises his long, hard, well-polished blade and slams it down onto the wolves head, killing it in a single strike! But here's where I find out that if you kill the mount, the rider lives on.
It doesn't even stun them. Which I call bullshit on. Thankfully oscar has a Permanent Solution to shitty balance.
MZeta anchors our line with his trusty spear. Spears should beat cavalry, right?
Thankfully they attacked us at night so these Ambushers' effectiveness will be lessened. In theory.
Hoodoo misses both attacks. I considered using shield-wall, but we need to even out the numbers before they bring everything to bear and our stamina in these heavier armours is not the greatest.
I almost spilt my tea! I would have thought they'd have a charge attack a la Orcs, but no - they have three attacks. Three!
Since it was night I'd pulled Modron into our shield-wall, but that just seems to have made him a target.
RIP Modron
Modron
Arcane
- Joined
- May 5, 2012
- Messages
- 10,056
Yeah never put a low level melee defense archer on the skirmish line (plus they will never hit anything with a melee weapon anyways) if you really need to increase the coverage of the line better just to include a space every few battle brothers. Also you can kill the rider in place of the wolf probably the difference between a headshot/bodyshot to the intact wolf rider. That 4 ap refresh for a kill and berserk work beautifully against these guys since it is practically one kill per hit once you get going.
Gobbo wolf riders have pretty low morale so as long as you can fell a few you don't really have to worry that much because they do their best road runner impressions pretty quickly.
Gobbo wolf riders have pretty low morale so as long as you can fell a few you don't really have to worry that much because they do their best road runner impressions pretty quickly.
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
That is true, but you forget that we're lvl 5 maximum, so no Berserk and not a huge difference in Melee Defense/Attack between you, SmartCheetah and the rest. 15% difference maximum.
The fallen sun might have caused the death of Modron, but the reason I placed him on the front-lines was to avoid this. All three Ambushers, which are good shots, missed Beowulf at such short range
MZeta had been completely bypassed, but I hope it bought us enough time. Time that HeroicBloodshed then wastes by missing two fatigue intensive stun attacks!
SmartCheetah then follows the example set by his senior Bro and slashes air.
Andnjord, despite his severe damage reduction injuries and low chance to hit, cuts down the dismounted Goblin!
Even Azira, who is undoubtably our most proficient melee combatant, is evenly matched.
Beowulf, slowed by a poisoned arrow, does what he can to force open a path to the Ambushers.
His armour does its job well, but three plunging into him still hurt.
They can ignore zones of control as well? Fuck me.
And no make things worse, another Wolfrider comes out of the darkness and chomps down on MZeta, who can only guard himself against so much.
Goblins high initiative means they take charge at the start of turn 3. Beowulf feels the pain...
But not for very long, unfortunately. Goblins may be cowardly, but when they're ripping us apart I don't think that matters too much. RIP Beowulf
Well, we haven't reached page 11 yet. I wonder for how many updates this battle will drag?
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
1 per
So 7 more to go.
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
Vengeance for Beowulf!
Fight to save the horrible cunts you're standing shoulder-to-shoulder with!
Because once he falls, you're a fucking chew toy for these dogs.
40% chance to hit? Azira close-lines the Wolfrider with his axe. 38% chance to hit? He buries the hatchet deep in the Wolf's skull.
Still, that turn order...
Azira dips, ducks, dives, dodges and blocks his way through a swarm of arrows.
Even with that fortuitous victory, everyone else is still moments away from a bloody death.
SmartCheetah anticipates the oncoming storm and uses Shield Wall and Riposte to try and prolong his life and give HeroicBloodshed the chance to bail him out.
But even our best fighters are struggling, MZeta not looking so good as a Wolf bites his face.
The cowardly greenskin tries to flee! oscar is having none of it, landing three blows in quick succession with his bill and striking him down, leaving behind a rather pissed off Wolf.
The good news ends here. RIP SmartCheetah, this was never a fight you were going to win
Fight to save the horrible cunts you're standing shoulder-to-shoulder with!
Because once he falls, you're a fucking chew toy for these dogs.
40% chance to hit? Azira close-lines the Wolfrider with his axe. 38% chance to hit? He buries the hatchet deep in the Wolf's skull.
Still, that turn order...
Azira dips, ducks, dives, dodges and blocks his way through a swarm of arrows.
Even with that fortuitous victory, everyone else is still moments away from a bloody death.
SmartCheetah anticipates the oncoming storm and uses Shield Wall and Riposte to try and prolong his life and give HeroicBloodshed the chance to bail him out.
But even our best fighters are struggling, MZeta not looking so good as a Wolf bites his face.
The cowardly greenskin tries to flee! oscar is having none of it, landing three blows in quick succession with his bill and striking him down, leaving behind a rather pissed off Wolf.
The good news ends here. RIP SmartCheetah, this was never a fight you were going to win
Last edited:
Andnjord
Arcane
SmartCheetah
Arcane
- Joined
- May 7, 2013
- Messages
- 1,079
Killing hit to the body... With Injury system in mind, maybe they just cut my cock off. Oh wait, we're all silhouettes w/o genitals! 
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
Killing hit to the body... With Injury system in mind, maybe they just cut my cock off. Oh wait, we're all silhouettes w/o genitals!
We aren't in the dark ages anymore. You don't need a penis to be a man
You suddenly got a lot sexier to every necrophiliac out there
Undead Phoenix
Arcane
We hit back, oscar euthanising a Wolf that stood between us and all of the archers.
MZeta is in a bad spot but sets about improving those odds. He's too fatigued to use Shieldwall leaving offense as the only defense.
Hang on in there, Bro
Both Wolfrider's disengage from HeroicBloodshed to go attack oscar - maybe dissuaded by his Shieldwall.
Andnjord and Hoodoo press the Ambushers hard, cutting one down and taking its position on the raised ground. Not only that, but our stubborn defense is starting to get the cowardly greenskins to question fighting us!
HeroicBloodshed kills another Wolf and steps up to support MZeta.
Just when it looked like things were getting better, one of our Bros gets picked apart
And the final blow is delivered to MZeta
Clever girl.
Azira and Andnjord hack apart a goblin as it tries to flee. We just need to man the fuck up and kill two, maybe three more to see the dawn.
Hoodoo takes out the mount of a heavily wounded Wolfrider and another flees from the beleaguered oscar.
The other stands his ground despite Azira moving into contact, cleaving oscar's knee!
Never say die :ehue:
Unfortunately, the confident Wolfrider is beating the shit out of HeroicBloodshed, who's just trying to hold out.
It's working! Or, rather, it was - after deflecting two strikes with his shield, the last lands solidly on his helmet.
Next turn and the Wolfrider proves too quick. RIP HeroicBloodshed
We won't be avenging you.
The final Skirmisher is forced away from oscar and goes down fighting.
It's over. It's really over. We survived!
We can't keep this up. The blood of too many Bros has watered the soil. There are no others willing to take their place. I fear this is the end.
And for what? A few scraps of food, a few bits of scrap iron? It's all been for nothing.
The ambush happened on the road right outside of Kampstadt. The streets are deserted as our bloodied quartet stagger into the city.
Azira has been a rock at the heart of our battle-line, even coming out of that final battle largely unscathed.
oscar has surpassed every expectation I had of him. The vagabond's foot has been maimed, his legs hamstrung, his shoulder injured and his arms pierced. He probably looks like The Nameless One.
Hoodoo was a reliable threat alongside oscar before turning into a one-man machete rape gang. Gambling with his life will see him in a early grave, but that day is not day.
Andnjord is looking more and more like a Nosferatu every battle. The thief will probably want to stick to the shadows when all this is over.
And so our journey ends where so many others have begun. We've enough gold to keep the ale flowing all night long.
oscar is the first to post in the DRUNKEN THREAD, quickly followed by Andnjord and then Hoodoo.
Finally, well after the others, Azira starts to slur on the 8th round,
MZeta is in a bad spot but sets about improving those odds. He's too fatigued to use Shieldwall leaving offense as the only defense.
Hang on in there, Bro
Both Wolfrider's disengage from HeroicBloodshed to go attack oscar - maybe dissuaded by his Shieldwall.
Andnjord and Hoodoo press the Ambushers hard, cutting one down and taking its position on the raised ground. Not only that, but our stubborn defense is starting to get the cowardly greenskins to question fighting us!
HeroicBloodshed kills another Wolf and steps up to support MZeta.
Just when it looked like things were getting better, one of our Bros gets picked apart
And the final blow is delivered to MZeta
Clever girl.
Azira and Andnjord hack apart a goblin as it tries to flee. We just need to man the fuck up and kill two, maybe three more to see the dawn.
Hoodoo takes out the mount of a heavily wounded Wolfrider and another flees from the beleaguered oscar.
The other stands his ground despite Azira moving into contact, cleaving oscar's knee!
Never say die :ehue:
Unfortunately, the confident Wolfrider is beating the shit out of HeroicBloodshed, who's just trying to hold out.
It's working! Or, rather, it was - after deflecting two strikes with his shield, the last lands solidly on his helmet.
Next turn and the Wolfrider proves too quick. RIP HeroicBloodshed
We won't be avenging you.
The final Skirmisher is forced away from oscar and goes down fighting.
It's over. It's really over. We survived!
We can't keep this up. The blood of too many Bros has watered the soil. There are no others willing to take their place. I fear this is the end.
And for what? A few scraps of food, a few bits of scrap iron? It's all been for nothing.
The ambush happened on the road right outside of Kampstadt. The streets are deserted as our bloodied quartet stagger into the city.
Azira has been a rock at the heart of our battle-line, even coming out of that final battle largely unscathed.
oscar has surpassed every expectation I had of him. The vagabond's foot has been maimed, his legs hamstrung, his shoulder injured and his arms pierced. He probably looks like The Nameless One.
Hoodoo was a reliable threat alongside oscar before turning into a one-man machete rape gang. Gambling with his life will see him in a early grave, but that day is not day.
Andnjord is looking more and more like a Nosferatu every battle. The thief will probably want to stick to the shadows when all this is over.
And so our journey ends where so many others have begun. We've enough gold to keep the ale flowing all night long.
oscar is the first to post in the DRUNKEN THREAD, quickly followed by Andnjord and then Hoodoo.
Finally, well after the others, Azira starts to slur on the 8th round,
Andnjord
Arcane
As expected. Well, I didn't die in this LP. That's odd.
Well, I didn't die in this LP. That's odd.
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