The 40k tabletop/memepics thread

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Right. I keep telling myself we probably need one of these threads whenever someone starts going EMPRAH PROTECTS, posts tyranid pr0n, froths about a CMON paintjob or starts raging about Matt Ward. So here we go. Warhammer 40k pics/rants/stories/questions THAT ARE NOT DIRECTLY RELATED TO ONE OF THE COMPUTER GAMES goes here. Warmachine/Warhammer fantasy/Whatever other hideously expensive miniatures game you got a hardon for too, I guess.


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That out of the way, question time.
I'm going to have some free time on my hands in a not too distant future. Some BROs of mine suggested we should totally play some 40K, coinciding with the release of 6th edition. The game is okish (I prefer warmachine tbh), but I fucking love painting my little spehss men. Spending hours completely focused on miniscule brushstrokes is one of the most therapeutic and stress releiving things I know.

I've had 3 armies in the past, all of which were later sold/donated. My first army was Eldar. Started out Ulthwe back when they had special mandatory guardian squads with BS4 and attached brightlance platforms + a bigass seer council in a falcon + some dark reapers to kill spehss mehreenz. When the new codex came out and neutralized my cheese, they were converted to Alaitoc with a shitload of rangers.
My second army was tyranid, focusing on hordes upon hordes of termagaunts/hormagaunts with a few shooty carnifexes to lay down support fire and some warrior squads to extend synapse range. I think there was a hive lord and some zoanthropes in there too. Paintjob was non-standard hivefleet. Dark purple skin and glossy black (lacquered) armor plates highlighted green near the edges.
My last army before quitting 40K/WHF because of time constraints was the new Daemons of Chaos. I stopped playing them and fell back on Eldar shortly after getting it and realizing how silly broken it was. (Fuck you, Matt Ward). Noone wanted to play against them because, frankly, new Daemons steamroll everything. It had some bloodletters, some daemonettes (old metal ones), a group of fleshhounds, some screamers of tzeentch, a bloodcrusher and skulltaker.


Since my EVERYTHING is sold or given away, participating means starting a new army. I can mooch paint supplies, greenstuff, wire etc off my BROs (Tzeentch knows, they've mooched plenty off of me in the past). We're probably looking at a ~1000pt army. Anyone got any suggestions to faction, army composition and colour scheme? I'd prefer an universalist makeup rather than a highly focused cheese force. (Already did that with eldar). I'd also prefer it not to me OMGWTFBROKEN ('cause then noone will want to play vs it), nor completely useless ('cause then I don't want to play it myself). So no Gay Knights/Bluhd Angels. I'm kinda "meh" about Necrons, although Matt Ward raping their codex is a point against them.

Dunno. I kinda liked the oldcrons. I was even looking into doing something with tiny batteries in the bases, hollowed out heads with holes in the eyes and green LEDs inside them for a while. (Decided it would be too fiddly to repeat for for 50+ models). Also, someone already beat me to it:


I'm kinda toying with the idea of a compact Spehss Mehreen force with some battle-scarred grey armors + red helmets to make them more codexian. Perhaps a Force Commander with a storm hammer banhammer with "DECLINE" written on it. But then, Spehss Mehreenz are so overdone

Guardsmen could be interestng. Probably wouldn't go Derp Korps though since the forgeworld models cost a fortune, then comes shipping, then comes import tax. Basically, models a DKOK army would cost ~250% of what a regular IG army costs. Any suggestions as to how to build a 1000pt balanced IG army? The point cap is kinda too low for massed basilisks, but I could probably squeeze in a Leman russ or two.

Chaos could be OK, I guess. But their models typically end up being "Spehss Mehreenz with lots and lots of spikes". Makes them messy to look at and not much fun to paint. Who's doing the new Chaos codex? If Matt Ward or C.S. Goto are in charge it's gonna be awful.

I'm not terribly interested in the Weaboo commies.

'Nids were nerfed in their last codex years ago though. I started my swarm 'nid army back when it was just out and godzilla army lists became shit. Nids are/were pretty fun to play, but highly dependant on terrain. If there isn't a lot of shit to hide behind, they're all dead before they can close to melee.

Ok, that's pretty hilarious. did you remember there's the "look out, sir!" rule where grunts can take wounds allocated to special characters in their units, implemented SPECIFICALLY to avoid people sniping special characters with template weapons?


Speaking of cheese, I had this awesome game ages upon ages ago against the biggest rules lawyer in the group of people I've played with. This is the kind of guy who gets extremely competitive and repeatedly states that anything that's Rules As Written is fair game, no matter how cheesy it is...

He was playing dark elves. I was playing a borrowed greenskin army. I decided "fuck this, I'll go all-goblin!"
Now, dark elves have hatred, which allow them to reroll missed to-hits. Goblins have fear(dark elves) which makes them likelier to flee and generally fail vs dark elves. But since my opponent was going to be a tryhard that insists on RAW, I decided to cheese. I had 2 units of 40 goblin archers. In each of these units, I had hidden 2 goblin fanatics. For those not in the loop, Goblin Fanatics are these insanely damaging melee characters. They're automatically released when any part of your unit is within 6" of the enemy. On subsequent turns, their movement is determined at random with a scatter dice. Theyr'e unreliable, but if you point them at the enemy army, they can do immense damage.


I also had some snotling pump wagons. These units are kinda meh. But the unit looks kind of cool. It's a weakish chariot, but has a special rule along the lines of "Oi! Pump harder!" that allows you to add 2d6 to their distance when they charge.


Finally I had a doom diver instead of a catapult. Because, I mean, why would you want to fling rocks at people when you could launch kamikaze paragliders?


The rest of the army was pretty standard. I had a few spider riders, a LOT of spearmen (arranged in big companies, with more fanatics within), a goblin big boss, a shaman (who exploded his own head in turn 1) and a few groups of squig herders.



Arrayed against the brooding emo elves, there was a markedly more festive tone on my half of the board. Now, here comes the cheese.
Firstly, I arranged my archers in FRONT of the rest of my army. In formations of 1row, 40 columns wide. When my opponent remarked upon this, I explained that conventional goblin wisdom said that archers needed to be out in front where they could see. Since I had already shot myself in the foot going all goblin, he decided I had given up and was just angling for the quickest possible defeat. Since he took the game very seriously, he rubbed his hands together in glee. Others present in the Faraos Cigarer game store started gathering round to see what the heck was up.On my first turn, I informed him I wanted to wheel my archer regiments to rotate their facing. The Rules-as-written way to calculate wheeling as part of a movement is to measure the distance that the innermost corner of the wheel is moving and assume the rest of the regiment runs a bit to keep up. Of course, when your regiment is 1x40", the inner corner moves ~1½" on a 90-degree rotation, even if you close 40" with your enemy during this rotation.

This allowed me to immediately close with the massed, compact ranks of his army. And release all 4 fanatics hidden in the goblin regiments.

My fanatics flew true. Being immune to psychology ('cause they're high on shrooms), my fanatics weren't affected in the slightest by fear(dark elves) and merrily plowed through his ranks of spearmen and corsairs. I declared a charge with my pump wagons against the dark elf hydra 'cause Gork an' Mork were with me and rolled a double-6 on the "Oi! Pump harder!" roll, barely succeeding in making the 24" charge. Finally, my doom diver was fired at the enemy sorceress, but scattered onto the enemy general and instantly killed him. My pump wagons won the combat against the hydra. The hydra failed its morale check and fled into the enemy spearmen, forcing a morale test on them. they failed this and ran into the enemy sorceress, causing her to fail a morale test, making her flee as well.

In the dark elves turn, the hydra and sorceress both succeeded their rally roll. But then the spearmen (rolled last) failed their rally and continued fleeing into the sorceress. This forced another morale test, which she subsequently failed and fled off the table.

By now, the entire games store were gathered around the table, cheering furiously for the goblins. While my fanatics and pump wagons inflicted admirable damage, they were eventually defeated and the dark elves began reforming to countercharge. So I informed him my spearmen were changing formation. now, for a full rounds movement you cna completely reallocate the # of rows/columns in a regiment (so long as it remains rectangular). so my regiments of spearmen went from being 10x4 to 1x40. This suddenly placed them within 6" of the enemy, which was otherwise preparing a cavalry charge, releasing another 4 fanatics.

At this point my opponent literally screamed "HOW MANY GODDAMN FANATICS DO YOU HAVE!!!?!" his units took hideous amounts of damage, panicked, fled and were chased down by my spider riders. At the end of the day, I had lost 6 fanatics, 2 pump wagons and ~20 goblin archers and completely killed/routed full Dark Elf army.

Cheesy as fuck? Yes. But my opponent always told people that everything was fair game if it was written in the rules.

There's actually several 40k tabletop frameworks on RPTools and a bunch of servers running persistent battlegrounds. I've been meaning to look into learning one of them well enough that I could challenge BROs to virtual minis battles.

Bolter Bitches are pretty fun to paint. But their codex is pretty hard to track down (would have to find the white dwarf issues online). Also, I don't think my FLGS has a lot of bolter bitches kits available. If you were to make a 1000pt well-rounded force (likely to meet spehss mehreenz, orks, gay knights, eldar, dark eldar, newcrons tyranid and tau) of bolter bitches, what'd it look like?

Skwad Mode

Da Kill Team has a set of special abilities called Skwad mode. These are buffs that are declared at the start of the round and last until the end of it.
WAAAGH: The Dakka never stops coming. Using this ability grants an extra single attack after a full action, even if that action was another attack.
STEEL REHN: The Codex Astartes states the importance of an Orbital Bombardment to soften one's enemies. Once per session, the krew may call in something similar - except they're dropping asteroids! These asteroids even have a 50% chance of having some boyz aboard! When Roks Fall, Everybody Dies. The incoming asteroid causes 5d10+10 Pen 6 Tearing.
An' Dey Know No Zoggin' Fear: Sometimes, the scarier an opponent is, the more encouraging it is for an Ork to fight. Combining the teachings of the Codex Astartes with natural Ork stubbornness, a solution was devised. Engaging this Skwad Mode ability allows for the fear test from an enemy to be ignored, and the Kill Team gains a bonus of +5 WS or BS per Fear Rating.
Wozzat Supposed Ta 'Urt?: Caught in the heat of battle, an ork can often forget about trivial things like pain or death. Engaging this Skwad Mode increases the level of an ork's unnatural toughness by +1 (i.e. x2 becomes x3) for that round, with all the appropriate bonuses.


http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Deffwotch

So are Newcrons more FABULOUS! than Eldar?

NMM (Non-Metal-Metal. The painting style used in the above.) jobs generally look awesum on pictures but kinda meh IRL. The reflections come off as wrong and cartoony when you move your head IRL and they don't change. But it boosts your CMON votes so all the cool kids do it now.
Not that I'm implying the mini wouldn't look Majestic™ IRL, just that the same artist, using regular metallic paints could probably have acheived a better-looking result. (Except on still pictures).



Speaking of Mejestic™ minis on CMON: