In Progress The Codexian darwinian struggle against the Temple of Decline (ToEE Co8), MEATSHIELDS INQUIRE WITHIN

[SCO]

Volourn

 

[Running Fox]

Gee, you suck at the game.
Concentrate firepower on single targets. Dont distribute it to 1on1.
I need a meaty fleshbag to doubelteam properly!

 

[Hellraiser]

Alright Hiver it is.

 

[Hellraiser]

Chapter III

Magnificent carnage

Incoming data packet…

: Consensus has been reached. Subject Hiver is to replace subject Black Cat

Downloading hiver.txt…

Done!

: Assign attributes to subject hiver. Proceed with simulation.

A seventeen? Damn, the white knight will have more strength than our fighters/barbarians.

Hiver takes a fighter level first for the feats. In hindsight I should have picked longsword weapon focus. No matter, just because his sword is short does not mean he won’t be able to save maidens from oppression with it.

: Hello Mr. Hiver!

: Greetings fair maiden. Know this, I Sir Hiver will protect you from the evil around. No need to thank me, it is merely a matter of…

: Can you heal people?

: Not at the moment good sir. But once I am sufficiently experience I will be able to…

: Oh great, I’m the only spellcaster left in this party…

: Just in case you forgot, I and the singing lass can cast spells as well can we not?

: As *I* was saying, due to being the only spellcaster left it appears I will die next.

: Hopefully…

: Do not worry barbarian, I have unlocked the secrets of necromancy which will allow me to rise as a powerful Lich after death. I will use my unlife to kill all of you, because my untimely demise will no doubt be your fault.

The party goes back to the bog, Lacedons are encountered along the way.

Lindblum murders that which is already dead. BLOBERT manages to hit one as well.

: I missed again…

: Fear not! I Sir Hiver shall slay the unholy beast for you!

happens. After leveling up our five veterans I decide to rest here rather than return to Hommlet…

Three lizards interrupt the party’s sleep. Reptiles are no match for our…

Party annihilation count: 3 – death by reptiles


After a reload (I saved before the level up for some reason), I level up the lucky codexers again. This time I’ll show you the stats.

Hoverdog now gets a rogue level with +5 HP and +2 to reflex save rolls.
Renegen gets Ray of Frost because a level 2 sorcerer only gets one new level 0 spell and some spell slots

Lindblum gets +7 HP, +1 to attack rolls and +1 to fortitude save rolls.

BLOBERTS experiences major +13 HP(!), +2 to attack rolls(!) and +1 to fortitude save rolls.

Jimbob gets a measly +3 HP, +1 to attack rolls, +1 to both reflex and will rolls. Most importantly however he can now cast two level 1 spells, Tasha’s Hideous Laughter and Cure Light Wounds. Could have picked grease but I decided not to. Which was a mistake now that I think about it.

The party safely arrives at the bog, the minor wounds weren’t enough to warrant another trip back to Hommlet.

Some goblins avoided death the last time the party was here. The codexers finish the job when suddenly goblin diplomacy strikes.

: I am Kwerd, humble servant to Lord Mathel.

: Tis a dangerous creature my lady! Stay back, I will kill it to protect you!

: You don’t need to Mr. Hiver. It appears friendly, its heart is not tainted by hatred, I can feel it.

: BROS, I SAY WE KILL THIS FUCKER AND LOOT ITS CORPSE.

: An excellent idea!

: Let me talk to it first. Kwerd? Why didn’t you attack me?

: The others say that I am a coward. But I know things and I can help you if you let me live. Do we have a deal?

: You would betray your friends?! How evil of you! You are an enemy of friendship, you must die!

With Kwerd dead, the party explores the area a bit more to find there is nothing around, apart from the not yet fully explored dungeon where the Lich is no doubt hiding.

They find him soon afterwards…

Party annihilation count: 4 – death by stumbling upon a Lich

After a reload, I decided to check the closed door first, rather than run through the open one straight into a lich.

We find no killer Lich here, but we do find his stash.

: Let’s see what’s in the box…

: Damn! That’s more than all the money we managed to loot up until this point.
Time to go meet the Lich.

: [The creature barks adamantly.]

: Can we kill it already?

: You are clearly undead. I have been sent here to destroy you.

How about just attack the damn thing rather than state the obvious?

: [The creature appears enraged and clamors in agitation.]

: This place needs to be cleaned, so just kill the undead fiend.

Attempt two didn’t go well.

Party annihilation count: 5 – death by déjà vu

Now, the main problem with this fight is that the Lich has some long ass polearm and the cleave trait. This limits the party’s mobility because they are at risk of an attack of opportunity if they get too close.

The polearm deals significant damage, if you get unlucky and somebody dies at the Lich’s hands, the Lich will get a free attack against anyone within his enormous attack range thanks to cleave. Which basically means that one unlucky roll can screw you over.

There Lich’s guards are a Kobold Seargant, Gnoll, Skeleton Gnoll and a Goblin Leader. The party can handle them, but the Lich needs to die ASAP.

: BRO, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?

: I THINK I WILL KILL YOU AS WELL BRO.

Man, that level up really was major . BLOBERT just murdered two enemies during *their* turn. Compare that to all the missed hits in the past.

: IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO KILL ME BRO!

: It looks like somebody stabbed you in the back. Rather painful isn’t it?

Honestly, if it wasn’t for the +13 HP on level up, BLOBERT got he would be dead meat now. Running Fox keeps bringing on the backstabbing

: Inferior creature, just die already. I have more important things to do than kill flea-ridden mongrels like you.

That Kobold Sergeant just refuses to die

: Too fast for you huh? Maybe next time you turn yourself into a Lich, you’ll do a better job with your Dexterity.

: Have you heard the tale of a wench, who screwed ten men on a bench?

: Foul knave! I will not let you defile the helpless mai…

: BROS… I AM ALRI….

: Guess I’ll have to kill him myself.

: Mr. HIVERRRRR!!!!

: Well what do you know, I didn’t die next!

: Further testing is needed. Delete “Hiver” personality template.

Deleting hiver.txt…

Done!

RIP Sir hiver, may you protect maidens from the evil of the world in the afterlife.

Asshole Lich targeted the unconscious Hiver

Since Volourn got the most votes after Hiver and I didn’t want to post a short update, I decided to add him next. It would be obvious you guys would vote for a healer again anyway. So it would be either him or Cleve. Well maybe SMA, but none of you voted for him her anyway.

Rolly Polly experiences after the Lich is turned to dust.

She gets Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, Grease and +1 HP on level up…

Sadly, there is nothing more to loot in the dungeon. The party heads back to Hommlet.

If BLOBERT was at full health (or at least above 20 HP) the party would have engaged these guys. However that is not the case here so I hit avoid.




Continued in next post…

 

[Hellraiser]

16, 15 and tons of meh. Fits Volourn alright.

Olidammara, the god of r00fles!

The domain of the pretty princess is trolling after all.

: How marvelous, now the princess of fools joins us.

: The codex as always keeps denying it, but you know I am the island of reason in your little sea of denial and hypocrisy. R00fles!

: Hopefully you will end up like our last cleric…

: BRO, STOP WHINING. WE GOT SHIT TO KILL AND LOOT TO STEAL.

The pretty princess gets some proper gear. The journey to the mouthouse goes smoothly…

: Hey look, we’ve found a prince for our pretty princess.

: R00fles! You mock me because you know Bioware titles are superior to whatever “RPG” the codex is circle-jerking to at the moment.

: The oversized amphibian is hardly a challenge for one of my skill.

: See, as always I have to show the codex how it’s done!

: But Volourn-chan! That is a mean way to deal with unwanted suitors, you hurt their feelings!

: They are no doubt drawn by the princess’ charm, yet all they will find here is not love but harm.

: R00fles! You know the truth, but you rather cover it up with a swarm of in-jokes.

: It looks like that frog… got squashed.

: Where do you think you’re going? I haven’t finished killing you yet.
Running Fox slays the last frog with a sneak attack followed up by an attack of opportunity critical hit.

Well alright, it wasn’t the last frog. They’re piss easy though considering most of the party is level 2 now.

: Bandits! They’re bound to have some loot we can take from them!

: I need to murder somebody and you just happened to be near.

: There’s nothing like splitting an evil man in half with your oversized sword.

: BRO, I THINK THAT WAS YOUR LIVER THAT JUST FLEW OVER THERE.

: Did you just shoot me in the kn…

Running Fox gets hit for 8 damage knocking her out. That’s more damage than she has total HP

Hoverdog brutally murders the last bandit in the courtyard, that’s what the asshole deserves for dealing 8 damage with a lucky shot to our cunning rogue.

Running Fox gets healed and experiences as she gets +1 to attack rolls, +6 HP and +1 to reflex saves upon level up.

: Eeek! A spider! They’re so un-kawaii!

: Meh, we’ve killed bigger ones.

The party enters a guard tower currently inhabited by a weak arachnid.

I fucking hate spider webs.

: You moron… you let me get hit aga…

: THIS BUG NEEDS TO BE WHACKED BROS.

The spider lies dead, the party helps themselves to the contents of chest it was guarding…

: Send query to Primary Node. “Why was the spider guarding a chest? How is such a course of action acceptable for a spider? To what purpose it was doing that? What was its motivation?”

Data packet sent.

Incoming data packet from Primary Node.

: Further counterproductive queries will result in the dismantling of Node “Wyrmlord” and the deletion of “wrlr.exe” and its backups. Focus on the simulation. That is the imperative. The decline must be stopped.

: Resume simulation.

The party goes back to Hommlet, sells stuff and rests at the inn and resumes the exploration of the moathouse. No hostiles are encountered along the way.

: Son of a bitch! It bit me in my arm!

: Fear not codexer, the power of Bioware our lords in heavan will heal you! R00fles!

: Somehow that doesn’t sound very appealing.

: I see you decided to die. A wise choice considering your complete lack of an awareness of your surroundings.

: Who the hell thought cross-breeding bats and mosquitoes was a good idea?

: Hepler or Gaider maybe? They’re big on this cross-species romance thing.

Lindblum strikes down the last of the D&D flying chupacabras. The party decides to check what is behind door number 2…

: I will loot your blood-soaked corpses after I beat you into a bloody pulp!

Maybe sending hoverdog there wasn’t such a good idea.

: I’m feeling… a bit… woo…



BLOBERT and the brigand in front of him are blocking the door so I can’t send in the other bros to maim and kill everyone inside. Oh and stabilize hoverdog obviously.

The good news is hoverdog stabilizes by himself. The bad news is the brigands decide to attack him since there are no better targets around. Yeah, that is the disadvantage of being on the wrong side of the choke point.

: May rainbows fill your heart with love you bad person you!



That is something did not expect from Rolly Polly.

: Oh come on bro, don’t die now! We had so much murdering and looting to do!



RIP hoverdog, the incline of your dual-wielding will be missed.

Now I need to do something so that BLOBERT doesn’t die as well. With the crap he’s being hit with, even his massive constitution won’t help him for long.

: Blessed be Lord Gaider, who bestowed upon us the Jade Empire!

: NOT FEELING WELL BR…

: r00… r00.. r00fles!

: Where is your Bioware now?

: Subject Volourn has been terminated. Contact Primary Node regarding a new test subject.

Deleting volourn.txt...

Done!

FUCKING 20 DAMAGE CRITICAL HIT INSTANT-GIBBING OUR HEALER!

: That’s for hoverdog you asshole!

: YOU SHALL ALL DIE FOR KILLING MY BRO!

Luckily, BLOBERT stabilizes on his own thanks to his massive constitution.

Now that I think about it I should have used grease…

: DIE! DIE! DIEEEE!

: NOOOOOOOOOOOO…

: While your body may soon become rotten, your sacrifice shall not be forgotten.



RIP Lindblum, a lucky critical hit is the only way such lowly filth could kill an UBERMENSCH of a barbarian like you!

The only brigand left is a guy with a crossbow, hopefully the rest of the party will kill him easily even if all the “in your face” melees are dead or unconscious.

I think Jimbob killed that last guy, running fox got hit with a lucky shot dealing 7 or 8 damage *again*.
The party loots what it can and returns to Hommlet…

Nice rolls!

: Point me in the direction of people that you need maimed and I’ll do the rest. For a fair share of the loot of course.

Random wanted DEX as his best stat so that is where the 17 goes into. 16 CON and 15 STR isn’t bad for a fighter anyway. I got him power attack, cleave and long sword focus as feats. He’ll fight with a long sword plus shield.

Third Reich superscience has bestowed these godly rolls upon our third Cleric, the lawful neutral Strangelove.

Domain law, death and magic occult? Sounds like a patron top secret nazi projects to me.

: We’re off to destroy zee untermensch decline am I correct?

: Personally I want to acquire unimaginable arcane power, but these fools are just interested in material riches.

: Das ist wunderbar! The Thule-Gesellschaft needs to acquire any sources of occult power available to serve the Fuhrer and the Reich!

: Pause simulation. Request new test subject file from Primary Node.

Sending data packet...

Alright, so Black Cat, Volourn and Hiver are dead.



Vote for another SPESHUL codexer to join our merry band, out of the list in the first post of course and apart from the ones already dead.

Strangelove is our healer now so hopefully we won’t need another healer. But I leave the choice to you.

 

[Pope Amole II]

Someone needs to explain this party how BSB it is so Skyway.

 

[CappenVarra]

Chefe!

After a reload (I saved after the level up), I level up the lucky codexers again.

does not compute, abort abor-

 

[hoverdog]

if you need more meatshields

Three-Dawg
human (black)
neutral good
cleric (he will fight the good fight with his healing)
WIS > STR > CON > CHA > INT > DEX


(also voting for Prosper)

 

[Smashing Axe]

Nice update, worth the wait. Good ratio between LARP and gameplay too.

 

[Azira]

What the fuck. Volunteering with my mighty d0rf barbarian, Magnus! Feel free to use my profile pic...
Race: dwarf
Class: pure barbarian
Alignment: chaotic neutral
Stats: STR > CON > DEX > WIS > INT > CHA
Pick a proper two-handed weapon with a nasty reach, a glaive p'raps. Or even the spiked chain, that one's fun.

I fully expect to die a horrible death after being held or something similarly stupid, but hey, all for the glory of Codexia!

Oh, and one vote for Cleve. We need that übermenschen mentality. M:

 

[Lindblum]

At least I died defending my Bro hoverdog.

Arnie
Class: Barbarian
Race: Human
Stat priority: CON>STR>DEX>INT>WIS>CHA
Sex: Gentleman
Chaotic Neutral
Classy, Good looking and a Bro~

Worth the wait. Has it been a week already?

 

[Hellraiser]

Yeah it has been a week. Technically you died avenging your bro hoverdog. He was kind of dead throughout most of that fight, asshole brigands decided to kill hi while he was unconscious.

 

[Random]

Wheee, it's my turn to be a meatshield! Joyous day!

And let's bring in Cleve.

 

[Sergiu64]

Guardsman Pinker
Class: Fighter
Race: Human
Stat priority: DEX>CON>WIS>STR>INT>CHA
Sex: M
Lawful Neutral

Feats: Weapon Focus (Heavy Xbow), Point Blank Shot, Rapid Reload.

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

Cleric with 6 wisdom? Oh wow, is it even possible to cast any spells what so ever with such a shitty score?

Cleve.

 

[SCO]

He doesn't have 6 wisdom, he probably has 16. You can reorder the rolls.

 

[Hellraiser]

Yes, because you didn't provide a stat priority I arranged them as I saw fit for a cleric:

 

[Renegen]

Maybe give the new recruits a bit of experience? The point of this experience is to kill as many codexers as possible, but insta-gib will only become a bigger problem. I vote for SMA.

 

[Deitti]

hilarious update, multiple deaths is always awesome. will keep watching.

i also vote for SMA, party needs more druid.

 

[Cassidy]

Voting for Prosper as new special character.

 

[Gregz]

The point of this experience is to kill as many codexers as possible.

 

[eklektyk]

The point of this experience is to kill as many codexers as possible.

so with that in mind I will add my dorf to awaiting candidates:

eklektyk
Race: dwarf[coz ... u can never have too many of them]
Class: fighter[obv. some blunt weapon is preffered]
Alignment: chaotic neutral
Stats: STR > CON > DEX
Sex: M

rest U can round up wichever U like - I doubt he will live that long in this LP

 

[Hellraiser]

Cleve it is, that Neanderthal lineage of his will greatly aid the hivemind party.

 

[Ashery]

So...

Update?

 

[SCO]

There's a crash with Co8 7.2 in nulb if you're using that.
There's a patch here:
http://www.co8.org/forum/showthread.php?t=9666