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Crispy™ The Trial of Crispeh

Helton

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"EACH THREAD IS PRECDED BUT AN OP BUT WITH UOT A SUJBETC THERE IS NO THREAT!" - Blobert, Codexian MC

In the last year of the 4th era of the Codex, a certain man, of uncertain sexual orientation, was brought to the Codexian trying grounds in the center of Site Feeback. The man was Crispy. This is his story.

Crispy, who's deeds are well documented in the Book of GD Moderators, and the Records of Lord Wyrm, is hereby tried with treason and shitposting of the highest order. Murderer of phelot. Concockter of witches. Crispy, defend thineself of the as yet unspoken allegations!

The crowd jeers and taunts, mocking and daring the accused to step forth. He has become something else in their eyes, and no longer their champion. The admins and moderators standby nervously, uncertain of their ability to control the masses.

A beam of sunlight pierces through the thick clouds and lands on a cocked trigger. He removes his robes righteously and white light pours from his radiant honor. Crispy you have exposed yourself to the ravenous Codexian horde and subjected yourself to Codexian Law.

You have been asked to answer for your crimes.

How do you respond?

>...
 
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King Crispy

Too bad I have no queen.
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Your Other Honor, I have chosen at this time to invoke my right not to self-incriminate, and thereby rely instead on the sage advice of my personal lawyer, the honorable Flying Spaghetti Monster, esq.

All further questions should be directed toward him, until such time as he either totally sells me out or I find him to be untrustworthy, incompetent, or bought out by my many enemies.
 

Helton

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The prosecutor is unimpressed by Crispy's cowardly bullshit display of legal prudence, and presents an article of evidence:

Exhibit A

"Crispy?" the prosecutor asks in a faux-friendly tone, "Are you aware that obstructing an administrative troll job is not only immoral, but treason? And punishable by banishment!?"
 

King Crispy

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...b-b-but my lawyer's not here yet.

Oh, fuck it. I'll go a capella. FSM never liked me anyway.

Listen. My job, here on Codex, at least my adopted job, has been to try to help people out technical-wise. Sure, I may have failed as a moderator; I make no efforts to hide that. But what I do well, and what I take pride in doing, is to help out my fellow Codexers when they're in a technical bind. I ask you, Judge Smails I mean Judge Helton, how can I turn a blind eye to what is obviously a ruse on DU's part to attempt to lead DragoFireheart on a wild goose chase, reconfiguring this and formatting that, all in a vain effort to reverse a condition that DU himself imposed?

Nay, I shall stick to my duty. I may not have ever been appointed as Official Codex Technical Advisor, but I have been called upon by DU himself for technical issues of the highest order -- possibly in an effort to keep Codexia itself alive! As shown in what I present as Defense Exhibit A, you will see that DarkUnderlord specifically tagged me, the accused, to elicit advice what to do about a "whole bunch of computers in a network", which, to me, sounds suspiciously like a server farm which is exactly what is needed to run a domain as monstrously gigantic as rpgcodex.net. Did I turn away? Did I shirk my responsibilities? No! I gave advice and was thanked for it.

And now, what do we have here? Another person in need. And I am there for him as well, in addition to being there for countless other Codexers. Cocked Trigger will attest to that. I'm certain many others will voice their opinions here in my defense.

No, ours is not to cast about judgment arbitrarily for those who ask for help and those who know not that they need help. Ours is to but play our own parts, yours truly acting in nothing but Good Will with a True Heart, in genuine Lawful Good Paladinhood.

I stand accused, but I rest innocent.
 

Helton

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*Helton rolls Codex die to determine Crispy's anal circumference stat:
*Helton rolled a 10.
*Helton subtracts number of users Crispy is ignoring: 10-0 = 0 resulting in an anal circumference of 10 anal units.

The prosecutor summons additional posters for character witness or testimony.

idonthavetimeforthiscrap Phelot Phaedo

Though the autism prevents most Codex drones from sympathizing with Drago, their rage seems to have subsided somewhat as they recall All Crispy Has Done For Us (tm). But don't be fooled! Crispy is not the kind puppy-loving old man he makes himself out to be. I present evidence of his power abuses against the Koolest Kodex Karacter on the forum: Scrooge

Exhibit B
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM - Scrooge: My sisters are teasing me like hell for playing it. But they also dislike football, those horrible witches
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM - Gregz: intolerable
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM - Scrooge: Heh, my addiction to it got better, Lhynn, I hardly play it anymore actually, only for the LP ^^
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM - Ulminati: Even after you won the WC Scrooge?
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM - Jim the Dinosaur: are you cinderella scrooge except instead of scrubbing floors you're playing fm
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM - Scrooge: Even then, Ulmi, even then
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:40 PM - Crispy: SISTERS YOU SAY?
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:40 PM - Ulminati: Are you sure they're your real sisters?
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:40 PM - Scrooge: Haha, yeh that's it Jim it's my horrible fate but maybe one day I will find a glass shoe
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:40 PM - Ulminati: Wouldn't a glass shoe be super uncomfortable to walk in though?
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:41 PM - Scrooge: Yes, sisters crispy. Older sisters even. Shall I invite them?
Jul 16, 2014 at 10:41 PM - Crispy: pics or permaban

Yes... Crispy, defender of the oppressed. Crispy, righter of wrongs. Tell us Crispy, how long before you demand tits for your services! How long have you dreamt yourself king over us all? HOW LONG CRISPY!?
 
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Scroo

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While crispy is known for horrible abuse of power and the occasional meltdown here and there he is a good and decent man. Lately I have seen him sending out nude pics to everyone giving good advice when it comes to gaming, computer hardware or relationships. Thus he should walk as a free man even though my word as a witness is only here to serve the judges of course.
 

King Crispy

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This trial is a sham. It's a mockery. It's a shamockery. I further submit that the judge himself, the quite Dishonorable arthropod Helton, is corrupt.

Defense Exhibit B:

119r0qa.jpg


I move for an immediate mistrial and subsequent deportation of said "judge".
 

Ranselknulf

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Shoutbox information is privileged.

You should be held in contempt of court and sent to prosperland for the duration of the trial.

If it pleases the court.. I would suggest a change of venue to prosperland. Attendance to the proceedings should not be denied to the defendant just because of his imprisonment in prosperland.
 
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Helton

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The prosecutor admires Crispy's cunning and photoshop skills.

"A convincing forgery, convict! But misguided. You are clearly unfamiliar with Codexian law and tradition."

*Helton rolls a bluff check against the crowds Streetwise + Perception

The crowd is unconvinced. Public opinion seems to be shifting in Crispy's favor. The prosecutor wisely waits to press the case until more witnesses have arrived.
 
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Objection! The prosecution is badgering the defendant. This is overly prejudicial and irrelevant. I move for an immediate mistrial with costs.
 

Helton

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Objection! The prosecution is badgering the defendant. This is overly prejudicial and irrelevant. I move for an immediate mistrial with costs.

Okay okay have it your way, spoil sport. Let's get this trial back on track. Your client is accused of obstructing an administrative troll job and costing the great land of Codex an estimated 2,000,000 lulz. How do you plead?
 
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You are working pro bono, right?
Sure.

Objection! The prosecution is badgering the defendant. This is overly prejudicial and irrelevant. I move for an immediate mistrial with costs.

Okay okay have it your way, spoil sport. Let's get this trial back on track. Your client is accused of obstructing an administrative troll job and costing the great land of Codex an estimated 2,000,000 lulz. How do you plead?

After consulting with my client, he pleads guilty.

You get what you pay for, nigga.
 

Helton

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After consulting with my client, he pleads guilty.

You get what you pay for, nigga.

The Codexian hordes are gleeful with schadenfreude. The prosecutor beams and raises his gavel to declare the verdict and hand over sentencing to The Administration...

*Helton rolls for Crispy's initiative

Critical success!

Crispy is overcome with a superhuman adrenaline-fueled state of hyper consciousness and speed. He is capable of accomplishing quite a lot before that gavel hits the table.

Crispy you have 3 actions available to you before a verdict is declared. What do you do?

>...
 

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