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Let's Play Ultima VII...on the Super Nintendo - COMPLETED!
- Thread starter Silellak
- Start date
Silellak
Cipher
Part 6: In which we blow up some walls, find some better armor, and play Captain Planet in more ways than one
When we left off, we were getting ready to explore the:
Exciting!
Here's the first room of the dungeon:
You might find yourself wandering, as I was - if this is the entrance, where is the door I came through? Well, surprise! There isn't one. I guess I fell down a pit, or something? Who the fuck even knows anymore. All I know is that I have to play all the way through this shitty place to get back out.
I first encounter some headlesses...
...and discover that my spear can't attack at point-blank range. I can't remember if this was a problem with the bow as well, or not. It doesn't really matter though, since I'm dual-wielding a sword for melee attacks now too.
My mind still hasn't entirely adjusted to the fact I'm dual-wielding unlimited throwing spears and a rapier in a fucking Ultima game.
Oh, and they both use the same annoying "attack" sound effect, too. Because why the fuck not, I guess.
I reach the second room, with no obvious way out.
But, there is a crack in the wall, and what looks to be a powder keg nearby. Time to channel my inner Link.
The powder keg is a "weapon" I can equip:
I can "attack" with it to place it next to the wall:
BOOM!
I'm half-tempted to praise the game for its "interactive environments", but it's nothing Zelda didn't do on the NES almost 10 years before. Really, I'm just grateful that I wasn't given "unlimited ammo" for the powder kegs.
One thing that moderately amuses me: if the combat music is playing, and I bring up the inventory screen, the "dungeon theme" resumes playing until I unpause. Apparently when my inventory is open, the game forgets I'm in combat.
A few mongbats, trolls, spiders (everything but a CYCLOPS, apparently) later, I hit a fork in the road with a bear trap.
The bear trap unsurprisingly hurts me if I run over it.
The green things nearby appear to do absolutely nothing, but the trap "reloads" if I leave the screen, just like every-fucking-else in the game. I like to imagine little gremlins run back and replace everything and everyone as soon as you're out of sight.
More enemies - skeletons, snakes, ghosts and scorpions - still not a single cyclops. Apparently the cyclops are a very friendly people, choosing to share their lair with any and all creatures...
...including me! It seems the designers didn't think I'd enter this room from the north, since the cyclops continues to throw rocks to the west, completely ambivalent to my presence.
I murder him anyway, of course. Elzair has taught me that's the Avatar thing to do.
A rock outside his chamber seems to have a key underneath!
I wonder if the Lift spell could help me get to it?
It does! Too bad it's just a generic skeleton key and I already have 15 of them.
Why would you even bother to hide something like that there?
I find a locked door, but none of my keys or spells seem to help me here.
Sorry for the lack of screenshots or narrative, but there really isn't that much to share in this place. It's just what it looks like - bland corridors full of even blander enemies. So, consider my blind overview to be "atmospheric."
I realize my inventory's full again so I start to look for things to ditch, when I find I have this:
"Potion of Ghosts"? Oh, I have to know what that does.
Uh?
What the fuck? Did it turn me into wisps? It's not just invisibility, because I have an invisibility potion. I also can't go through walls after using it or anything, so...I really have no idea what the fuck that was for. It wears off after about 10 seconds anyway.
Eventually I stumble on the way out.
Just like in previous Ultima games, you can tell it's the dungeon exit because of the giant fucking skull on the door. It's worth noting that this exit is on the opposite side of the cave from the one cyclops I've fought in the:
However, it's all worth it, because:
Armor upgrade! So, this stupid single-floor 10-minute dungeon had more worthwhile loot in it the entire multi-floor Britain sewer area. Of course.
Though I've reached the exit, I'm not quite done here. On the way to the exit I passed another "destroyable" wall:
And I know that past the locked grate there are some more powder kegs. I guess I need to get past that fucking grate, somehow.
After another 10 minutes of searching the cave, I come up empty. The powder keg I found earlier doesn't even have the decency to respawn, unlike every other object in the game. Eventually I remember I have a spell called "Explosion", and wonder if it can fill the role of a powderkeg when it comes to damaged walls?
Success! So the stupid spell does have a purpose. I will have to remember this.
I am excited to see a single treasure chest inside the secret room! What wonders will we find inside?
On the way to the exit, I notice another destroyable wall in the exit room.
Why do I bother checking it? I have no fucking clue at this point, honestly.
Gasp! Another cyclops! That makes...two!
Not counting when the first one respawned every time I left the screen, of course. The cyclops drops a skill key, the crate behind him has a sword and some "ankhs", and a couple of powder kegs are behind that. I have no idea why, since you need the explosion spell to even get back here in the first place, but...what the fuck ever.
On the way back to try the new key on the grate, I find that the first destroyable wall has also "respawned". Seriously. Any points this game gained for having a destroyable environment are immediately taken away from its complete lack of any sort of persistent world state.
I honestly think that's the game's biggest flaw - you never feel like anything more than the screen you're on is "alive", since nothing you do has any sort of persistent effect on the rest of the game world, other than big things like solving quests. Enemies comes back, destroyable terrain comes back, loot comes back - there's no point in exploring because nothing you do matters. It's even worse than Oblivion in that regard.
That's right: Ultima VII is a worse game than Oblivion, especially when it comes to exploration. Feel free to use that quote out of context anywhere else you'd find it appropriate to do so.
It really just proves how incredibly out-of-touch the developers of the console port were, though. Clearly they had absolutely no clue what made the PC version a classic in the first place.
Anyway, back to the show. The key doesn't work on the door, but it's also not needed to get out of the dungeon - the exit door works just fine with or without it. So, yeah. I get the fuck out of this place.
Logically, I'm right back where I started, despite having left the dungeon nowhere near where I went in.
And yes, if I go back through the dungeon entrance, I end up where I originally started - not the exit I just came through. Would you expect anything else, really?
After selling all the random shit I found in my dungeon crawl, I decide to take Chuckles' advice, which as you may remember, was:
Since we're playing a game created by dumbfucks, it only seems right that we follow the direction of the Chief Dumbfuck of the entire Ultima series. So, let's go meet with Batlin again.
YES I WILL JOIN YOURCULT GROUP PLEASE LET ME IN.
Same "joining" quest as in the original game, though in the PC verson, Batlin requests that you not open the package.
Do you think the SNES version will let us open it up to read the scroll inside?
I promise, none of you are more surprised than I was. So what does the scroll say?
The Trinsic blacksmith! The one who wasmurdered kidnapped! And a stone pedestal - could that have something to do with all the Blackrock I've been fiding in the Fellowship basements?
I would go in and confront Batlin, but of course, I can't. So I guess the only choice is to head to Minoc via Cove. I suppose theoretically I'm still tracking down the murderers kidnappers, but I wasn't given an option to ask anyone in Britain about Hook, so the most we can do is work to join the Fellowship and follow Elizabeth and Abraham.
To Cove!
A 30 second walk later...
And this is the "populuted" Lock Lake. I'm supposed to deliver a bill to the mayor of Cove to get it all cleaned up. Because that's how politics works, apparently. I imagine that's supposed to be a "dead fish", but like every other piece of food in the game, I can walk over it to get health.
In the PC version, one of the dead fish corpses has a key to open a shed that contains the Hoe of Destruction, one of the best games and part of an amusing Wing Commander in-joke. Unsurprisingly, it appears this side-quest is not the SNES version.
Apparently the "pollution" consists of a dozen broken bottles, apple cores, and random bones spread along the banks of the lake.
Someone would be very angry with you, Cove:
For reference, this is what Lock Lake looks like in the PC version:
Oh, and some of the rats around the Lake are dropping Blackrock as loot, for some reason:
Fantastic.
Time to visit the local tavern, The Emerald:
WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW THAT.
Actually, they already have, but apparently laws in Britannia don't take effect until they're delivered in person by an adventurer from another world.
Everyone else in the tavern just bitches about how they can't drink the water because trash is being dumped into it. Who exactly is dumping the trash, anyway? Are the townspeople actually complaining because they're dumping their own trash into the lake and can't stop until someone passes a law telling you not to?
Here's the local inn.
I think the female actually uses a new character sprite! Shocking.
Really? "The town" has been dumping its garbage and needs a law - or a cult - to tell it to stop? The town consists of...what...a dozen people at most? All of whom are complaining about the pollution? HOW ABOUT YOU JUST STOP DUMPING YOUR GARBAGE IN THE FUCKING LAKE?!?
The other fellow is apparently Lord Heather. I have no idea why he's at the inn.
You see I have the law? Really? Is it stapled to my Goddamn forehead? And how is it going to stop the pollution? MAGIC LIBERAL POWER? I fucking hate all of you so much.
Blargh. Finally I ask about the mage, Rudyom.
Great.
Of course, like every good RPG, everyone's already heard the good news about the lake.
I hope you all fucking die. By the way, as far as I can tell, including Lord Heather, this is literally everyone in town. Less than half a dozen fuckers can't keep their own lake clean.
I guess:
=
?
Randomly, I decide to search the town well.
...a magic Water Sword. Of course. Obviously this is a clever reference to the Magic Axe hidden in the tree truck in Jhelom in Ultima V--no wait I'm pretty sure it's just retarded.
For those keeping track, I now have a Wind Sword and a Water Sword. Will I eventually find a Fire and Earth sword? What about a Heart sword?
I pay a visit to Rudyom:
Oh God fucking damnit another dungeon crawl. This is definitely not in the PC version - in the original, Rudyom just gives you the wand. I guess I should just be happy I didn't have to kill a Pollution Demon in the Swamp Cave to clear up Lock Lake.
I find the notebook he was talking about:
Looks like Rudyom knows too much! Good thing he's gone crazy or he might be headed for a goodmurder kidnapping.
In Rudyom's basement I find a classic piece of Ultima apparel:
Was wondering if the game had these. Could it be that Swamp Booats will prove useful in the Swamp Cave!?
Time to pay a visit to the:
...next time, that is.
I think I've had about enough of this game for one update.
When we left off, we were getting ready to explore the:
Exciting!
Here's the first room of the dungeon:
You might find yourself wandering, as I was - if this is the entrance, where is the door I came through? Well, surprise! There isn't one. I guess I fell down a pit, or something? Who the fuck even knows anymore. All I know is that I have to play all the way through this shitty place to get back out.
I first encounter some headlesses...
...and discover that my spear can't attack at point-blank range. I can't remember if this was a problem with the bow as well, or not. It doesn't really matter though, since I'm dual-wielding a sword for melee attacks now too.
My mind still hasn't entirely adjusted to the fact I'm dual-wielding unlimited throwing spears and a rapier in a fucking Ultima game.
Oh, and they both use the same annoying "attack" sound effect, too. Because why the fuck not, I guess.
I reach the second room, with no obvious way out.
But, there is a crack in the wall, and what looks to be a powder keg nearby. Time to channel my inner Link.
The powder keg is a "weapon" I can equip:
I can "attack" with it to place it next to the wall:
BOOM!
I'm half-tempted to praise the game for its "interactive environments", but it's nothing Zelda didn't do on the NES almost 10 years before. Really, I'm just grateful that I wasn't given "unlimited ammo" for the powder kegs.
One thing that moderately amuses me: if the combat music is playing, and I bring up the inventory screen, the "dungeon theme" resumes playing until I unpause. Apparently when my inventory is open, the game forgets I'm in combat.
A few mongbats, trolls, spiders (everything but a CYCLOPS, apparently) later, I hit a fork in the road with a bear trap.
The bear trap unsurprisingly hurts me if I run over it.
The green things nearby appear to do absolutely nothing, but the trap "reloads" if I leave the screen, just like every-fucking-else in the game. I like to imagine little gremlins run back and replace everything and everyone as soon as you're out of sight.
More enemies - skeletons, snakes, ghosts and scorpions - still not a single cyclops. Apparently the cyclops are a very friendly people, choosing to share their lair with any and all creatures...
...including me! It seems the designers didn't think I'd enter this room from the north, since the cyclops continues to throw rocks to the west, completely ambivalent to my presence.
I murder him anyway, of course. Elzair has taught me that's the Avatar thing to do.
A rock outside his chamber seems to have a key underneath!
I wonder if the Lift spell could help me get to it?
It does! Too bad it's just a generic skeleton key and I already have 15 of them.
Why would you even bother to hide something like that there?
I find a locked door, but none of my keys or spells seem to help me here.
Sorry for the lack of screenshots or narrative, but there really isn't that much to share in this place. It's just what it looks like - bland corridors full of even blander enemies. So, consider my blind overview to be "atmospheric."
I realize my inventory's full again so I start to look for things to ditch, when I find I have this:
"Potion of Ghosts"? Oh, I have to know what that does.
Uh?
What the fuck? Did it turn me into wisps? It's not just invisibility, because I have an invisibility potion. I also can't go through walls after using it or anything, so...I really have no idea what the fuck that was for. It wears off after about 10 seconds anyway.
Eventually I stumble on the way out.
Just like in previous Ultima games, you can tell it's the dungeon exit because of the giant fucking skull on the door. It's worth noting that this exit is on the opposite side of the cave from the one cyclops I've fought in the:
However, it's all worth it, because:
Armor upgrade! So, this stupid single-floor 10-minute dungeon had more worthwhile loot in it the entire multi-floor Britain sewer area. Of course.
Though I've reached the exit, I'm not quite done here. On the way to the exit I passed another "destroyable" wall:
And I know that past the locked grate there are some more powder kegs. I guess I need to get past that fucking grate, somehow.
After another 10 minutes of searching the cave, I come up empty. The powder keg I found earlier doesn't even have the decency to respawn, unlike every other object in the game. Eventually I remember I have a spell called "Explosion", and wonder if it can fill the role of a powderkeg when it comes to damaged walls?
Success! So the stupid spell does have a purpose. I will have to remember this.
I am excited to see a single treasure chest inside the secret room! What wonders will we find inside?
On the way to the exit, I notice another destroyable wall in the exit room.
Why do I bother checking it? I have no fucking clue at this point, honestly.
Gasp! Another cyclops! That makes...two!
Not counting when the first one respawned every time I left the screen, of course. The cyclops drops a skill key, the crate behind him has a sword and some "ankhs", and a couple of powder kegs are behind that. I have no idea why, since you need the explosion spell to even get back here in the first place, but...what the fuck ever.
On the way back to try the new key on the grate, I find that the first destroyable wall has also "respawned". Seriously. Any points this game gained for having a destroyable environment are immediately taken away from its complete lack of any sort of persistent world state.
I honestly think that's the game's biggest flaw - you never feel like anything more than the screen you're on is "alive", since nothing you do has any sort of persistent effect on the rest of the game world, other than big things like solving quests. Enemies comes back, destroyable terrain comes back, loot comes back - there's no point in exploring because nothing you do matters. It's even worse than Oblivion in that regard.
That's right: Ultima VII is a worse game than Oblivion, especially when it comes to exploration. Feel free to use that quote out of context anywhere else you'd find it appropriate to do so.
It really just proves how incredibly out-of-touch the developers of the console port were, though. Clearly they had absolutely no clue what made the PC version a classic in the first place.
Anyway, back to the show. The key doesn't work on the door, but it's also not needed to get out of the dungeon - the exit door works just fine with or without it. So, yeah. I get the fuck out of this place.
Logically, I'm right back where I started, despite having left the dungeon nowhere near where I went in.
And yes, if I go back through the dungeon entrance, I end up where I originally started - not the exit I just came through. Would you expect anything else, really?
After selling all the random shit I found in my dungeon crawl, I decide to take Chuckles' advice, which as you may remember, was:
Since we're playing a game created by dumbfucks, it only seems right that we follow the direction of the Chief Dumbfuck of the entire Ultima series. So, let's go meet with Batlin again.
YES I WILL JOIN YOUR
Same "joining" quest as in the original game, though in the PC verson, Batlin requests that you not open the package.
Do you think the SNES version will let us open it up to read the scroll inside?
I promise, none of you are more surprised than I was. So what does the scroll say?
The Trinsic blacksmith! The one who was
Yes.
To Cove!
A 30 second walk later...
And this is the "populuted" Lock Lake. I'm supposed to deliver a bill to the mayor of Cove to get it all cleaned up. Because that's how politics works, apparently. I imagine that's supposed to be a "dead fish", but like every other piece of food in the game, I can walk over it to get health.
In the PC version, one of the dead fish corpses has a key to open a shed that contains the Hoe of Destruction, one of the best games and part of an amusing Wing Commander in-joke. Unsurprisingly, it appears this side-quest is not the SNES version.
Apparently the "pollution" consists of a dozen broken bottles, apple cores, and random bones spread along the banks of the lake.
Someone would be very angry with you, Cove:
For reference, this is what Lock Lake looks like in the PC version:
Oh, and some of the rats around the Lake are dropping Blackrock as loot, for some reason:
Fantastic.
Time to visit the local tavern, The Emerald:
WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW THAT.
Actually, they already have, but apparently laws in Britannia don't take effect until they're delivered in person by an adventurer from another world.
Everyone else in the tavern just bitches about how they can't drink the water because trash is being dumped into it. Who exactly is dumping the trash, anyway? Are the townspeople actually complaining because they're dumping their own trash into the lake and can't stop until someone passes a law telling you not to?
Here's the local inn.
I think the female actually uses a new character sprite! Shocking.
Really? "The town" has been dumping its garbage and needs a law - or a cult - to tell it to stop? The town consists of...what...a dozen people at most? All of whom are complaining about the pollution? HOW ABOUT YOU JUST STOP DUMPING YOUR GARBAGE IN THE FUCKING LAKE?!?
The other fellow is apparently Lord Heather. I have no idea why he's at the inn.
You see I have the law? Really? Is it stapled to my Goddamn forehead? And how is it going to stop the pollution? MAGIC LIBERAL POWER? I fucking hate all of you so much.
Blargh. Finally I ask about the mage, Rudyom.
Great.
Of course, like every good RPG, everyone's already heard the good news about the lake.
I hope you all fucking die. By the way, as far as I can tell, including Lord Heather, this is literally everyone in town. Less than half a dozen fuckers can't keep their own lake clean.
I guess:
Randomly, I decide to search the town well.
...a magic Water Sword. Of course. Obviously this is a clever reference to the Magic Axe hidden in the tree truck in Jhelom in Ultima V--no wait I'm pretty sure it's just retarded.
For those keeping track, I now have a Wind Sword and a Water Sword. Will I eventually find a Fire and Earth sword? What about a Heart sword?
I pay a visit to Rudyom:
Oh God fucking damnit another dungeon crawl. This is definitely not in the PC version - in the original, Rudyom just gives you the wand. I guess I should just be happy I didn't have to kill a Pollution Demon in the Swamp Cave to clear up Lock Lake.
I find the notebook he was talking about:
Looks like Rudyom knows too much! Good thing he's gone crazy or he might be headed for a good
In Rudyom's basement I find a classic piece of Ultima apparel:
Was wondering if the game had these. Could it be that Swamp Booats will prove useful in the Swamp Cave!?
Time to pay a visit to the:
...next time, that is.
I think I've had about enough of this game for one update.
Heresiarch
Prophet
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2008
- Messages
- 1,451
Why do I suddenly feel pity for you. 
\
\
Silellak
Cipher
Be cautious, friend. This is the Internet. It is dangerous to show emotion or weakness around these parts.Heresiarch said:Why do I suddenly feel pity for you.
\
Clockwork Knight
Arcane
Bet you never thought you'd want to play Oblivion to make the rage go away after a session of Ultima VII, eh
Silellak
Cipher
Clockwork Knight said:
Silellak
Cipher
Part 7: In which we slay a dragon, see our future, and investigate another "kidnapping"
Alright, let's head into the
and start searching for Rudyom's Transmuter Wand.
Here we go!
As you might guess, the green areas wound me unless I'm wearing swamp boots. Unlike real Ultima games, they don't seem to poison me though, so that's something.
Alligators!
Now might be a good time to mention - I've been having a lot of trouble hitting anything with my weapons. Even when I'm lined up and swinging my sword, it often seems to just "whoosh" by. I don't think I'm missing, I just can't tell if it's a glitch, or if certain enemies are immune to certain weapons. I'm going to dual-wield the Water and Wind Sword, as in any good Ultima game, and do some experimentation.
Amusingly, when you dual-wield, your attacks both come from the same hand. So apparently I'm holding two swords, but always throw the "active" weapon into my right hand before attacking.
Oh, and despite the swamp boots, all the little "spikes" on the ground still cause damage when I walk over them:
Which is just as retarded and annoying as it sounds.
Meanwhile, my little experiment does seem to show that some enemies are immune to certain damage times - so a "Water Sword" won't damage an alligator, because...alligators are made of water, I guess.
I blow my way through another wall...
And keep expecting to hear this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeOJ1e1tgOc&NR=1
I'm honestly not sure why I bother blowing up walls. In a good game, a destroyable wall or hidden door usually means something is there to reward your exploratory efforts. Here, it could just be an emtpy room, or a room full of endlessly, respawning enemies, or the biggest insult: a room full of enemies with a treasure chest...that is empty.
In this case, we get Option 1:
Why? Why would you even bother? Also, I like how there's a nice pre-built doorway when I enter this room, even though I had to blow up a wall to get in.
A little more exploration and I find:
Holy shit! A motherfucking dragon?!? I assume the wand in the middle of the room is the Transmuter Wand I was sent to find.
How the fuck did the wand end up here? I thought Rudyom ditched it because it was "dangerous" - did he summon a dragon to guard it and neglect to mention that? Or was this a random dragon who was lived in these tunnels already and happens to like shiny things? Surely it's not just because the developers needed a "boss" monster guarding an important plot device - right?
I manage to win, but it's actually a pretty tough fight. One hit takes off almost half my health, and my light spell wears off halfway through.
He drops a "boss key" of course, and I take my prize.
It shoots little magic "blasts", but they don't do any damage.
I assume, as in the original, that they only affect Blackrock.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, he does respawn:
Though luckily, so does the gold he's guarding. So theoretically I could "farm" him for XP and gold, but that's not even really necessary since everything respawns everywhere anyway. Best design decision ever.
This appears to be the end of the dungeon already, but I decide to continue exploring because I'm masochistic, which you should really know by now if you've been following this LP.
Unsurprisingly, there is little of interest. I find a long passage full of swamp and "pointy dungeon floor" that predictablly leads to absolutely nothing of value:
Run into more of these little green fucks:
Find a couple of switches that, as far as I can tell, do absolutely nothing:
And encounter this little bitch:
Who steals from me and runs away:
Just like a woman.
Oh, and in case you're wondering - yes, the chest she was guarding is very-much empty.
I do manage to finally hit level 8:
Unlocking two final spells:
Since I'm leaving anyway, I decide to try them out on the respawned dragon.
"Tremors", unsurprisingly, shakes the screen and presumably (though really I shouldn't assume anything in this game) damages every enemy on the screen:
Invulnerability, well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTFHhpZl3Uk
I go to tell Rudyom I have his wand, but he doesn't seem to care. So, next stop: Minoc!
On the way I find this hut:
Wow, the Avatar is really taking Iolo's advice to heart.
Did that become the Universal Britannian Greeting while the Avatar was gone?
What happened to your parents? What, were they "kidnapped" too, or something?
Yeah I'll get right the fuck on that.
Time to get our fortune read!
Yeah, tell me about my future!
Uh, what? I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME RIGHT NOW SO NOW IS GOOD OKAY?
Apparently it is not okay. At least, not until I talk to her again a second later.
Sure, why not. Not like gold has any worth in your shitty fucking game anyway.
Wait so I pay 100 gold to the one NPC so far in the game that I can't ask about the Fellowship, only to ask about the Fellowship?
...of course.
Thank you for being exactly as useful as Chuckles and his stupid fucking "Game". Root it out, I must?
COMEDY!!!!!!!11
I have to go through the process of speaking to her again, having her tell me to come back when I have more time, then speaking to her a fourth time, to finally have the option of paying another 100 gold to ask about Wisps.
Yeah, the "my magic wanes" line never seems to work on the chicks
Well, I guess I have a couple more "quests"! We need to deliver the opened package to the head of the Minoc Fellowship, investigate anothermurderkidnapping, and head to Yew and the Empath Abbey.
Here is Minoc's bustling tavern.
Apparently it is run by an ex-pirate who knows a bit about Hook.
I always imagine a Gollum/Smeagol-style voice swamp when reading this line. EVERYTHING IS FINE...EXCEPT FOR THE TERRIBLE KIDNAPPINGS, PRECIOUS.
...yeah, sorry about that. When playing Ultima 7 on the SNES, one is often forced to amuse themselves.
So vicious that he leaves the victims alive? Then flees the scene of the crime without his victims? How does he even know Hook did it? It's just a fucking kidnapping, not a ritual murder like in a certain-other, much-better game that I've now completely forgotten about because this piece of shit has burned it out of my mind.
So now I know where Hook is (on the ISLAND FULL OF PIRATES MAYBE?)
Time to visit the sawmill, but only because it's the next building in town.
Hi Nathan!
You didn't know about the kidnappings! In your own sawmill! So you're a fucking idiot, then! Surprise!
What's this? A dagger? Like the kind used in ritualmurderskidnappings? Evidence! Randomly left at the scene of the crime! Hook really is the worst kidnapper ever, isn't he? I'm surprised he even remembers to take his victims with him.
What it means? It's a dagger.
The writing in this game is just awe-inspiring. PS:T, eat your heart out.
I can equip the dagger, and drop it. So I guess it's not a plot-required item.
Here is the scene of the kidnapping:
Wow, Minoc's sawmill is almost as big as Trinsic's stable! Three whole logs. This is just like the murder scene in the PC version:
Anyway, let's chat up the gypsy at the crime scene. Unfortunately, he has little new to add:
One thing I love is that the "writers" make absolutely no effort to modify the story beyond changing the "murders" to "kidnappings". They occur in the exact same place, even though there's absolutely no reason for a couple of gypsies to be wandering around inside of sawmill when presumably Hook bursts in to kidnap them, unless he's kidnapped them from the gypsy camp quietly, then took them to the sawmill for a more public kidnapping? I don't fucking know. When they are ritual murders, it made sense. Here? Yeah, not so much.
See? MURDER. Compare that to the "scene of the crime" in Trinsic in the SNES version:
_00036%20(Small).jpg)
Bleh, anyway. Exploring more, we meet the armorer, Zorn, who explains that he's known for making great helmets, but inexplicably does not offer to sell anything.
Good thing he has a nice stash behind he's magically sealed demon door! And, as expected, does not care when I loot him dry.
I briefly talk with the mayor, who says something about a statue and disses the Fellowship but honestly I started zoning out awhile ago.
Now we talk to Lucas, at the Artisan's Guildhall.
Wait...Lucas!?
...Wow. I'm not sure I could consciously choose a better mascot for the SNES version of Ultima VII.
Lucas bitches a bit more about this whole statue business.
Ugh, this is starting to disturbingly like a side quest that I don't have the patience for right now.
Let's just deliver the scroll to the Minic Fellowship leader and call this it a day for this update.
She is unsurprisingly annoyed that I opened the package, despite never actually being told not to. Luckily this doesn't at all impact my ability to join the Fellowship and continue the main quest.
I could criticize the SNES version for this, but the PC version behaves pretty much the same way.
"Like I have"? What, like "on foot"? Are you still butthurt that I opened your stupid package?
BUT YOU WON'T BE GLAD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Subtle. I WONDER IF THE FELLOWSHIP IS CONNECTED TO THE KIDNAPPINGS.
Will we find out next time? ...probably not! What we will do: finish up in Minoc, then head back to Britain, Paws, and then finally Yew.
Alright, let's head into the
and start searching for Rudyom's Transmuter Wand.
Here we go!
As you might guess, the green areas wound me unless I'm wearing swamp boots. Unlike real Ultima games, they don't seem to poison me though, so that's something.
Alligators!
Now might be a good time to mention - I've been having a lot of trouble hitting anything with my weapons. Even when I'm lined up and swinging my sword, it often seems to just "whoosh" by. I don't think I'm missing, I just can't tell if it's a glitch, or if certain enemies are immune to certain weapons. I'm going to dual-wield the Water and Wind Sword, as in any good Ultima game, and do some experimentation.
Amusingly, when you dual-wield, your attacks both come from the same hand. So apparently I'm holding two swords, but always throw the "active" weapon into my right hand before attacking.
Oh, and despite the swamp boots, all the little "spikes" on the ground still cause damage when I walk over them:
Which is just as retarded and annoying as it sounds.
Meanwhile, my little experiment does seem to show that some enemies are immune to certain damage times - so a "Water Sword" won't damage an alligator, because...alligators are made of water, I guess.
I blow my way through another wall...
And keep expecting to hear this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeOJ1e1tgOc&NR=1
I'm honestly not sure why I bother blowing up walls. In a good game, a destroyable wall or hidden door usually means something is there to reward your exploratory efforts. Here, it could just be an emtpy room, or a room full of endlessly, respawning enemies, or the biggest insult: a room full of enemies with a treasure chest...that is empty.
In this case, we get Option 1:
Why? Why would you even bother? Also, I like how there's a nice pre-built doorway when I enter this room, even though I had to blow up a wall to get in.
A little more exploration and I find:
Holy shit! A motherfucking dragon?!? I assume the wand in the middle of the room is the Transmuter Wand I was sent to find.
How the fuck did the wand end up here? I thought Rudyom ditched it because it was "dangerous" - did he summon a dragon to guard it and neglect to mention that? Or was this a random dragon who was lived in these tunnels already and happens to like shiny things? Surely it's not just because the developers needed a "boss" monster guarding an important plot device - right?
I manage to win, but it's actually a pretty tough fight. One hit takes off almost half my health, and my light spell wears off halfway through.
He drops a "boss key" of course, and I take my prize.
It shoots little magic "blasts", but they don't do any damage.
I assume, as in the original, that they only affect Blackrock.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, he does respawn:
Though luckily, so does the gold he's guarding. So theoretically I could "farm" him for XP and gold, but that's not even really necessary since everything respawns everywhere anyway. Best design decision ever.
This appears to be the end of the dungeon already, but I decide to continue exploring because I'm masochistic, which you should really know by now if you've been following this LP.
Unsurprisingly, there is little of interest. I find a long passage full of swamp and "pointy dungeon floor" that predictablly leads to absolutely nothing of value:
Run into more of these little green fucks:
Find a couple of switches that, as far as I can tell, do absolutely nothing:
And encounter this little bitch:
Who steals from me and runs away:
Just like a woman.
Oh, and in case you're wondering - yes, the chest she was guarding is very-much empty.
I do manage to finally hit level 8:
Unlocking two final spells:
Since I'm leaving anyway, I decide to try them out on the respawned dragon.
"Tremors", unsurprisingly, shakes the screen and presumably (though really I shouldn't assume anything in this game) damages every enemy on the screen:
Invulnerability, well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTFHhpZl3Uk
I go to tell Rudyom I have his wand, but he doesn't seem to care. So, next stop: Minoc!
On the way I find this hut:
Wow, the Avatar is really taking Iolo's advice to heart.
Did that become the Universal Britannian Greeting while the Avatar was gone?
What happened to your parents? What, were they "kidnapped" too, or something?
Yeah I'll get right the fuck on that.
Time to get our fortune read!
Yeah, tell me about my future!
Uh, what? I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME RIGHT NOW SO NOW IS GOOD OKAY?
Apparently it is not okay. At least, not until I talk to her again a second later.
Sure, why not. Not like gold has any worth in your shitty fucking game anyway.
Wait so I pay 100 gold to the one NPC so far in the game that I can't ask about the Fellowship, only to ask about the Fellowship?
...of course.
Thank you for being exactly as useful as Chuckles and his stupid fucking "Game". Root it out, I must?
COMEDY!!!!!!!11
I have to go through the process of speaking to her again, having her tell me to come back when I have more time, then speaking to her a fourth time, to finally have the option of paying another 100 gold to ask about Wisps.
Yeah, the "my magic wanes" line never seems to work on the chicks
Well, I guess I have a couple more "quests"! We need to deliver the opened package to the head of the Minoc Fellowship, investigate another
Here is Minoc's bustling tavern.
Apparently it is run by an ex-pirate who knows a bit about Hook.
I always imagine a Gollum/Smeagol-style voice swamp when reading this line. EVERYTHING IS FINE...EXCEPT FOR THE TERRIBLE KIDNAPPINGS, PRECIOUS.
...yeah, sorry about that. When playing Ultima 7 on the SNES, one is often forced to amuse themselves.
So vicious that he leaves the victims alive? Then flees the scene of the crime without his victims? How does he even know Hook did it? It's just a fucking kidnapping, not a ritual murder like in a certain-other, much-better game that I've now completely forgotten about because this piece of shit has burned it out of my mind.
So now I know where Hook is (on the ISLAND FULL OF PIRATES MAYBE?)
Time to visit the sawmill, but only because it's the next building in town.
Hi Nathan!
You didn't know about the kidnappings! In your own sawmill! So you're a fucking idiot, then! Surprise!
What's this? A dagger? Like the kind used in ritual
What it means? It's a dagger.
The writing in this game is just awe-inspiring. PS:T, eat your heart out.
I can equip the dagger, and drop it. So I guess it's not a plot-required item.
Here is the scene of the kidnapping:
Wow, Minoc's sawmill is almost as big as Trinsic's stable! Three whole logs. This is just like the murder scene in the PC version:
Anyway, let's chat up the gypsy at the crime scene. Unfortunately, he has little new to add:
One thing I love is that the "writers" make absolutely no effort to modify the story beyond changing the "murders" to "kidnappings". They occur in the exact same place, even though there's absolutely no reason for a couple of gypsies to be wandering around inside of sawmill when presumably Hook bursts in to kidnap them, unless he's kidnapped them from the gypsy camp quietly, then took them to the sawmill for a more public kidnapping? I don't fucking know. When they are ritual murders, it made sense. Here? Yeah, not so much.
See? MURDER. Compare that to the "scene of the crime" in Trinsic in the SNES version:
Bleh, anyway. Exploring more, we meet the armorer, Zorn, who explains that he's known for making great helmets, but inexplicably does not offer to sell anything.
Good thing he has a nice stash behind he's magically sealed demon door! And, as expected, does not care when I loot him dry.
I briefly talk with the mayor, who says something about a statue and disses the Fellowship but honestly I started zoning out awhile ago.
Now we talk to Lucas, at the Artisan's Guildhall.
Wait...Lucas!?
...Wow. I'm not sure I could consciously choose a better mascot for the SNES version of Ultima VII.
Lucas bitches a bit more about this whole statue business.
Ugh, this is starting to disturbingly like a side quest that I don't have the patience for right now.
Let's just deliver the scroll to the Minic Fellowship leader and call this it a day for this update.
She is unsurprisingly annoyed that I opened the package, despite never actually being told not to. Luckily this doesn't at all impact my ability to join the Fellowship and continue the main quest.
I could criticize the SNES version for this, but the PC version behaves pretty much the same way.
"Like I have"? What, like "on foot"? Are you still butthurt that I opened your stupid package?
BUT YOU WON'T BE GLAD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Subtle. I WONDER IF THE FELLOWSHIP IS CONNECTED TO THE KIDNAPPINGS.
Will we find out next time? ...probably not! What we will do: finish up in Minoc, then head back to Britain, Paws, and then finally Yew.
Clockwork Knight
Arcane
Elynor said:
Rest of Britannia said:
yeah
dumb bitch
Silellak
Cipher
Yeah, the writing in this game is p. awesome.Clockwork Knight said:
Heresiarch
Prophet
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2008
- Messages
- 1,451
Bump. I really like this LP. It's like watching someone suffering from some kind of torture.
I know it sounds sick, but I actually love seriously played and written LP about truly terrible games. And the more the author suffer, the better. Codex really needs more masochists like Silellak.
I know it sounds sick, but I actually love seriously played and written LP about truly terrible games. And the more the author suffer, the better. Codex really needs more masochists like Silellak.
Luzur
Good Sir
lightbane said:
Clockwork Knight
Arcane
There's a video LP of Sonic 2006 already. Almost unwatchable because of the loading. Then again, that makes the LPers suffering all the more enjoyable.
Clockwork Knight
Arcane
It's even funnier when they stop screaming and groaning, and go completely silent
Heresiarch
Prophet
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2008
- Messages
- 1,451
Don't let this LP die plz
Silellak
Cipher
I'm going to try and stomach my way through making an update today. No promises, though.
Silellak
Cipher
Part 8: In which we encounter another Companion of the Avatar, foil a corrupt shipwright, and there is an Extra Special Bonus
Time to finish up in Minoc. Quickly. Before I choke myself with the controller cord.
As you recall, George Lucas was very upset about some statue some fuck name Owen is having made for him.
Like Cove before it, few people in Minoc have anything else on their minds.
This guy's dialog seems to embrace a bit of self-parody. Slight
of the game?
There's also this in the Artisan's guild, which I guess is supposed to be a reference to Ultima VI, or something:
What the fuck ever.
Exploring further, we encounter a former Companion of the Avatar, who I'm sure won't join us for whatever reason. It occurs to me just now that this the only companion I've seen all game, other than Iolo.
Damn, Julia got UUUUUGLY. PLEASE DON'T EAT ME.
Julia also cares about this Owen crap, for some reason.
OH GOD HOW TERRIBLE THIS MUST BE WHY THE TIME LORD SENT FOR ME.
Damnit. I guess I have to go find "Karl", whose brother was killed on one of Owen's boats. I had been getting my hopes up that this wasn't a sidequest after all. I swear if this dumb fuck is in a dungeon...
At the local store, I pick up a morning star, because...well, it costs more than my current one, so it must be better.
Finally we meant the infamous Owen...
...whose character is very subtly written...
...and apparently never talks to anyone else in town ever. That, or Minoc is filled with passive/aggressive fucks. He does give me one piece of useful info...
So, the Crown Jewel (Hook's ship) was here and left for Paws, the same place Elizabeth and Abraham went. WHAT A SURPRISING COINCIDENCE.
Since there was no option to ask Owen about Karl, I guess we go look for him. Yay.
Bear traps!
I guess we're on the right path.
This must be the place.
I'm just glad it wasn't somewhere in the middle of a dungeon.
YES AVATAR GO WITH THE CRAZY MAN.
Oh. That's less exciting.
Hooray! We rush the plans to the mayor.
Looks like I have to take the plans back to Juliasaurus Rex before the mayor will listen.
Let's try this again.
And what do I get for my trouble, you ask? A magic item? Some gold? Nope. Information.
Okay, a few things here:
- What the fuck is the "Dungeon of Unknown Fears"?
- How does he know this? Did he used to be an adventurer?
- WHAT the FUCK is the "Dungeon of Unknown Fears"? I've played every Ultima game and I'm pretty sure I've never heard of this ever.
Sigh. I guess with this piece of info we're done in Minoc. Everyone's dialog changes slightly to reflect the fact that Owen's statue is being built, except, oddly enough, Owen himself.
Time to move on to Cove to follow Elizabeth and Abraham, but first we'll stop in Britain to have a word with Batlin.
He comments on having heard the "voices" - the first time the Fellowship and the Guardian are (obviously) linked together:
He is also pissed I opened the package:
And sends me on another quest:
This happens regardless of whether or not you open the box. Destard, for those unfamiliar with Ultima lore, is a dungeon near Paws and Trinsic that is typically home to dragons, dragons, and more dragons.
We wanted to stop by Paws anyway to ask about Elizabeth and Abraham, as well as Hook's ship.
So they're back in Britain now? Ugh. What the fuck ever. There doesn't seem to be anyone in Paws to ask about the ship, so I head west to Destard...
...and am interrupted by the giant muppet guy from the intro.
Well if the terrifying disembodied red face says I'm doing well, who am I to judge?
This is actually the second time he's popped up, but the first time I didn't bother to mention because...well, you'll see shortly.
A bit later we reach...
Time to brave the terrifying dragons of Destard so we can become full Fellowship members...
...NEXT TIME!
Yeah, sorry, this is a shorter update than usual. I guess my Bullshit Tolerance was slightly lower today than I expected.
However, as an Extra Special Bonus - I finally educated my lazy ass on how to take video on ZSNES, so I proudy present to you - a video of my exciting journey from Minoc to Britain! Perhaps sharing my pain with you sadistic fuckers will allow me to endure what remains of this travesty.
And yes, before you ask, that IS the Guardian showing up 10 seconds into the video, admonishing me for killing sheep. And yes, this is the first time he showed up since the intro, and yes, I'm pretty sure he's also making a pun, and yes, this was largely what contributed to me ending my update early before I deleted all my save states out of spite.
Anyway, "enjoy"!
Let's Play Ultima VII...on the Super Nintendo! Minoc to Britain
Time to finish up in Minoc. Quickly. Before I choke myself with the controller cord.
As you recall, George Lucas was very upset about some statue some fuck name Owen is having made for him.
Like Cove before it, few people in Minoc have anything else on their minds.
This guy's dialog seems to embrace a bit of self-parody. Slight
of the game?
There's also this in the Artisan's guild, which I guess is supposed to be a reference to Ultima VI, or something:
What the fuck ever.
Exploring further, we encounter a former Companion of the Avatar, who I'm sure won't join us for whatever reason. It occurs to me just now that this the only companion I've seen all game, other than Iolo.
Damn, Julia got UUUUUGLY. PLEASE DON'T EAT ME.
Julia also cares about this Owen crap, for some reason.
OH GOD HOW TERRIBLE THIS MUST BE WHY THE TIME LORD SENT FOR ME.
Damnit. I guess I have to go find "Karl", whose brother was killed on one of Owen's boats. I had been getting my hopes up that this wasn't a sidequest after all. I swear if this dumb fuck is in a dungeon...
At the local store, I pick up a morning star, because...well, it costs more than my current one, so it must be better.
Finally we meant the infamous Owen...
...whose character is very subtly written...
...and apparently never talks to anyone else in town ever. That, or Minoc is filled with passive/aggressive fucks. He does give me one piece of useful info...
So, the Crown Jewel (Hook's ship) was here and left for Paws, the same place Eliza
Since there was no option to ask Owen about Karl, I guess we go look for him. Yay.
Bear traps!
I guess we're on the right path.
This must be the place.
I'm just glad it wasn't somewhere in the middle of a dungeon.
YES AVATAR GO WITH THE CRAZY MAN.
Oh. That's less exciting.
Hooray! We rush the plans to the mayor.
Looks like I have to take the plans back to Juliasaurus Rex before the mayor will listen.
Let's try this again.
And what do I get for my trouble, you ask? A magic item? Some gold? Nope. Information.
Okay, a few things here:
- What the fuck is the "Dungeon of Unknown Fears"?
- How does he know this? Did he used to be an adventurer?
- WHAT the FUCK is the "Dungeon of Unknown Fears"? I've played every Ultima game and I'm pretty sure I've never heard of this ever.
Sigh. I guess with this piece of info we're done in Minoc. Everyone's dialog changes slightly to reflect the fact that Owen's statue is being built, except, oddly enough, Owen himself.
Time to move on to Cove to follow Eliza
He comments on having heard the "voices" - the first time the Fellowship and the Guardian are (obviously) linked together:
He is also pissed I opened the package:
And sends me on another quest:
This happens regardless of whether or not you open the box. Destard, for those unfamiliar with Ultima lore, is a dungeon near Paws and Trinsic that is typically home to dragons, dragons, and more dragons.
We wanted to stop by Paws anyway to ask about Eliza
So they're back in Britain now? Ugh. What the fuck ever. There doesn't seem to be anyone in Paws to ask about the ship, so I head west to Destard...
...and am interrupted by the giant muppet guy from the intro.
Well if the terrifying disembodied red face says I'm doing well, who am I to judge?
This is actually the second time he's popped up, but the first time I didn't bother to mention because...well, you'll see shortly.
A bit later we reach...
Time to brave the terrifying dragons of Destard so we can become full Fellowship members...
...NEXT TIME!
Yeah, sorry, this is a shorter update than usual. I guess my Bullshit Tolerance was slightly lower today than I expected.
However, as an Extra Special Bonus - I finally educated my lazy ass on how to take video on ZSNES, so I proudy present to you - a video of my exciting journey from Minoc to Britain! Perhaps sharing my pain with you sadistic fuckers will allow me to endure what remains of this travesty.
And yes, before you ask, that IS the Guardian showing up 10 seconds into the video, admonishing me for killing sheep. And yes, this is the first time he showed up since the intro, and yes, I'm pretty sure he's also making a pun, and yes, this was largely what contributed to me ending my update early before I deleted all my save states out of spite.
Anyway, "enjoy"!
Let's Play Ultima VII...on the Super Nintendo! Minoc to Britain
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 10,872
That was... awful? somehow the word doesn't do the game justice.
And what the fuck is this dialog?
"Ask me about the fellowship!"
"Fellowship"
"Actually I know nothing about them. Why don't you ask me about kidnappings instead?"
And the pun... good lord the pun...
And what the fuck is this dialog?
"Ask me about the fellowship!"
"Fellowship"
"Actually I know nothing about them. Why don't you ask me about kidnappings instead?"
And the pun... good lord the pun...
Silellak
Cipher
I have convinced myself this was intentional self-parody on the behalf of the one clever (and incredibly bitter) member of the development team. This fragile belief is perhaps the only thing keeping me from slipping into madness so PLEASE DON'T TRY AND CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE or this LP will never get finished.Sceptic said:
I'd say the game is pretty baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
lightbane
Arcane
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2008
- Messages
- 10,204
*Saw the video* Emperor on Terra!!! seriously, that was SO bad I could almost feel your pain. Seriously, compared to let's say Terranigma that's fail in every sense. Fuck, I would even do a Terranigma LP to compensate so much decline if I could (first Mother 3, later we'll see)...
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
- Messages
- 10,872
Oh don't worry I won't. Rather you playing the game than me. In fact I started my previous thread to say "good job, the game may suck but you're doing a great LP with it" but the pun broke my brain somehow and I forgot what I wanted to say. Speaking of which:Silellak said:
I'd say the game is pretty baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
Clockwork Knight
Arcane
That last screen is beautfiul. It's like the avatar is just staring at the wall, wondering what happened to the door.
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