Part 14: In which we explore the worst dungeon to date, meet Dr. Who, and there is another fiendish murder kidnapping
Time to explore the Dungeon Sagatious. As I mentioned in the last update, this dungeon didn't even exist in the PC version - Alagner just gives you a key to his storage shed that has a few puzzles you need to bypass. But
we get a full dungeon - so hey, console-exclusive content!
As per the other dungeons in this game, the way out is not the way in. Also, for some reason they chose the cave tileset, even though it's directly connected to Alagner's basement through a magically locked door.
So I guess the developers' logic was: mountain cave inhabited by dragons = manmade dungeon tileset. Dungeon directly under a city, attached to someone's basement = natural cavern tileset. I honestly think they just had a separate team responsible for creating stand-alone "dungeon" areas and then just stuck them in the gameworld wherever they needed a dungeon crawl.
The room we're in starts off with two unique keys and two locked doors. Tricky puzzle.
Beyond that, it's your standard dungeon. Stock monsters, locked doors, treasure.
Nothing particular unique about it, except that it's attached to some fat guy's basement. I guess I should just be lucky it's not filled with things like this:
Eventually my aimless wandering leads me to another uniquely locked door, guarded by a couple of headless.
This is seriously the least interesting dungeon I've been in, in a game full of incredibly boring (banal, shit) dungeons. It's just a relatively simple maze with low-level enemies and the occasional locked door. Does "Sagatious" mean "pointless as fuck"?
The only nice thing about being in a dungeon is that at least the fucking music changes.
Eventually a couple of gazers try to liven things up:
But even in my half-asleep-from-boredom state, they are no match for me.
Then there's this:
No, you're not reading that wrong. That is, in fact, a barrel of dirt. The game has gotten so bored of itself its actually throwing containers of dirt at me.
Finally, I see what looks to be the journal, guarded by snakes (k?), but lack the proper key to reach it.
Fortunately there's another entrance to the room that is just magically locked, and the journal is ours for the taking!
Let's take a peek and see what's so valuable to the interdimensional wisps:
Oh wow. Did he really name his notebook "My Notebook"? Not sure the city of Humility is the best place for you, my fat friend.
For comparison, here is the PC version of Alagner's notebook -
also titled "My Notebook. Apparently his vanity cannot be contained by any one gaming platform:
Why would anyone want all that stupid text?! Streamlining is awesome. All we needed to know was that Alagner has connected the Guardian and the Fellowship. Looks like he's a regular
Alright, time to get the fuck out of here and get back to the Wisps.
The way out of this dungeon is guarded by a Cyclops.
A Cyclops. In a dungeon hidden away in a fat guy's basement. Well, of course!
We
teleport sail back to Yew for another talk with our glowing blue friends. I am excited, if only because it means the music will change again for a few moments.
Before I find the Wisps, though, I randomly stumble across a teasure chest in the forest. A treasure chest that's on
fire.
Fuck yeah. Fire is awesome. And inside...
I don't know what a "Hail Storm Amulet" is,
but I fucking want it.
Unfortunately, there's no "amulet" armor slot, and my attempts to use it as a weapon are futile.
Finally, I find the damn Wisp again.
Go go Gadget Exposition!
But wait! I thought the Guardian was the
personification of all the evil the Avatar 'purified' himself of at the end of Ultima 4, which then left him and then coalesced into a being of pure evil known as the "Guardian" no wait that's too fucking stupid even for
this game.
Hmm, Astronomical Alignment? Where have I heard that before?
Ah, right.
Time Lord?!
So what about that "Orb of the Moons" thing I've been carrying around since the
murder kidnapping in Trinsic?
Well that was easy. Let's pay the good Doctor a visit.
Not quite a TARDIS - Hell, not even blue - but I guess it'll do.
Right as we show up...
...our needy ex-girlfriend leaves a voicemail to let us know she's jealous.
Fun fact: the "standard indoor town" music is playing right now. So the wisps in the forest get a unique musical cue for their twice-in-the-game appearance, but they couldn't just
reuse that music for the Time Lord.
Oh well, let's get our Exposition on:
Free you?! But the Guardian just said I shouldn't trust you! Why should I believe you, over the creepy red talking face who randomly shows up in my head and tries to get me killed?!
Murdered?! Kidnapped?! By Eliza
beth and Abraham?!
It's a Nintendo game, with the Seal of Approval and everything. I think he'll be okay.
I guess we can go check on him before dropping by Penumbra's, though.
OH GOD THE BLOOD! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!
...wait, wrong game. Sorry.
Yeah, that's more like it.
I guess the lack of a crystal ball in Alagner's house is why the Time Lord had to
tell me Alagner was kidnapped and
who kidnapped him, using Magic Jesus Powers or whatever. Nice how he can see what's going on in Britannia
in real time, but has to send me to Moonglow to figure out how to free himself. It's a damn shame, too, because the "crystal ball" thing is one of the cooler moments in the PC version:
Speaking of Penumbra, I guess we should
teleport sail to Moonglow.
Unfortunately, as you may recall Penumbra is in a magically-induced sleep...
...and since there's no Awaken spell in this game, I have to go pay a thousand gold for an Awaken potion that's conveniently sold in-town.
Sigh.
"What have
I done?" Hey, fuck you, lady. What
I've just done is spent a solid G to wake your lazy ass up.
Uh oh, sounds like another stupid dungeon crawl...
...that I fortunately completed in a previous update.
Guess now I know what that random item is for.
Best quest ever!
...oh God damnit. So much for avoiding a dungeon crawl, since as you may remember:
The Guardian sends us a quick hello as we arrive on Spektran:
A sign just off the dock reinforces the point:
I am very worried.
The inside of (what I presume is supposed to be) Sutek's Keep on Skeptran looks more ruined than the
ruined city of Skara Brae.
Sadly, it appears the amusing character of Matingo, Sultan of Spektran, is not in the SNES version. I'm almost surprised the designers didn't take the opportunity for Massive Lol's.
It
also appears that this entrance is a dead-end, until I find that I can push one of the plants, revealing a hidden door behind the book case.
...was...was that a moderately clever little puzzle? In
this game? Surely it must be some sort of accident. I bet someone was fired over it.
On the second floor, I am attacked by a Stone Gargoyle:
Nothing incredible, but at least it was a new enemy, and it's straight out of the PC version...more or less.
I was
actually starting to hope that maybe this was, in fact, the "Dungeon of Unknown Fears", until I reached the third floor with a sign next to a ladder:
Damn. Guess we aren't avoiding the dungeon crawl after all. Time to face our Unknown Fears...
...next time!
Note: Ultima VII PC screenshots courtesy of Nakar's Ultima VII LP: http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Ultima VII/index.html Thanks, person who will probably never read this!