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Catastrophe ahoy! Let's Play Eric The Unready

Kz3r0

Arcane
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
27,013
Crooked Bee said:
Woohoo, this LP is alive! I totally missed that somehow. :?
Wulfen's too, just to let you know. :M
 

random_encounter

Educated
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
267
Location
Apshai's outhouse
Great updates, finally catching up after laughing my way through the last one.

Sceptic said:
Long story short: their last couple of games sold poorly due to REALLY shitty marketing by their publisher. Callahan's is a wonderful little game but Take 2 didn't put any ads for 4 months before the game shipped, reneged on some contract clauses, pushed the release date earlier... Josh Mandel (game designer, who you may remember from Sierra) had a lot of nasty things to say about them. Blackstone Chronicles was published by Red Orb as Broderbund was bought by Learning Company, which resulted in Red Orb being thrown to the wolves and Blackstone Chronicles again getting very poor marketing. Compare the complete lack of buzz both games had with how much was generated for Legend's previous games (Shannara and Mission Criticial). I think they lost money on both Callahan and Blackstone and so had to sell out to GT to stay alive, and of course GT was not interested in high quality adventure games (this was 1998 by then) and assigned them to FPS games: first Wheel of Time, then Unreal.

And that's the sad story.
Thanks for the quick and dirty on what happened, had always been curious on what went down. Legend seemed to be one of the few, outside of Lucasarts and Sierra, that had the talent to create great adventures at the time. When they stopped, it seemed to just put another nail in the adventure game coffin then.

Sceptic said:
>Take the chamberpot
As you reach for the chamberpot, your hand accidentally brushes up against the catapult. The hair-trigger on the catapult fires. The black marble arches through the air and hits the closed window shade. The marble drops down into the viper's cage and hits the viper square on the head. The marble rolls out of the cage. The aardvark mistakes the marble for a large, particularly juicy black bug and starts to give chase, but is soon pulled up short by the bungee. Not to be stopped, the aardvark unfurls his incredibly long tongue, which unfortunately gets entangled in the switch that activates the Crush-o-Matic. The huge weight falls to the floor and slams into the loose floorboard, sending you flying up into the air. You do a double somersault in the air and land butt-first in the chamberpot. You stagger to your feet and tug at the pot, but it is now firmly attached to your backside. The marble seems to have disappeared, and the only positive note is that your activity doesn't seem to have alerted the troll.
[Your score has just gone up by 15.]
This puzzle was just amazing to follow. :love:
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
Crooked Bee said:
Woohoo, this LP is alive! I totally missed that somehow. :?
That's what you get for not checking my LP's often enough ;)

Code:
And... wait, woad?
On the cheeks, no less!

Darth Roxor said:
Best update so far.
Glad you enjoyed it. It's probably more fun to read than to play though, as a lot of it requires repetition (getting the pigeon notes) and some bizarre leaps (the round TUIT).

lightbane said:
Too bad that they declined at some point and produced the horrible Unreal 2
That's what happens when once great adventure developers are bought out and forced to make FPS games. :(

random_encounter said:
This puzzle was just amazing to follow. :love:
Thanks :love: It's one of the most fun to solve, especially with so many jokes condensed into that one room.

I'm surprised no one commented on the link between Oblivion and decaying mental faculties.
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
FRIDAY: SWAMP TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE

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Yes, this is them. The music that plays is even a variation on the famous "Space, the Final Frontier" opening.

This is probably the easiest sequence in the game; the "puzzles" are trivial. It's full of baaaaaaaad jokes though.

  • >Look at the newspaper
    [Taking the newspaper first]
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This is a reference to Timequest, Bob Bates's other Legend game.
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Yes, another Madonna joke :D

  • >Look at the raft
    It's a large, unwieldy raft, populated by a large, unwieldy crew. The most interesting thing about the raft itself appears to be the captain's chair in which Captain Smirk is currently sitting.

    >Look at Zulu
    He is a tall warrior who carries both a shield and a spear.

    >Talk to Zulu
    The warrior just shakes his head and stares into the mist.

    >kiss zulu
    A quick rattle of his spear changes your mind.

    >attack zulu
    Zulu easily fends off your attack with his shield.
I was a little annoyed that Uhura seemed absent, but some of the others, especially KirkSmirk, have absolutely hilarious lines.
  • >Look at Scotty
    He has grey hair and a grey moustache and seems to have gained an alarming amount of weight recently.

    >Talk to Scotty
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  • >kiss scotty
    "Dinna be takin' liberties, young man. Or I'll knock ye on your wee bonnie ass."

    >attack scotty
    "Dinna ye try it. I may be old, and I may be slow, and I may be overweight, and I may be forgetful, and I may be old, but... What was I saying?"

    >fuck scotty
    Scotty stops you cold and says, "Ye've reached the final frontier, lad. Ye'll not be boldly goin' where no man has gone before."
:yeah:
  • >Look at Smirk
    He is 250 pounds of captain, stuffed into a 175 pound captain's shirt.
That's the William Shatner we all know and love :love:
  • >Talk to Smirk
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It is SO easy to imagine Shatner's voice speaking these lines.
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  • >kiss smirk
    Smirk holds you off and says, "I prefer to reserve my expressions of affection for members of the opposite sex. Kissing is one of the most potent weapons in my arsenal."

    >attack smirk
    Smirk swings his fist at you, missing your face by a good three inches. He slaps the side of his leg with his other hand to simulate the landing of the blow. Much to your surprise, your head snaps back and you go flying onto your backside. You scramble to your feet and wonder how in the world he did that.

    >fuck smirk
    "I haven't been aboard ship THAT long."
The weird blue guy is actually Spock, and for some reason he gets to keep his real name.
  • >Look at Spock
    He is tall and thin, with pointy eyebrows, a pointy nose, and a pointy chin. His skin has a bluish cast, which is undoubtably a mild case of apoplexy brought on by prolonged confinement on the same raft with the skeleton.

    >Talk to Spock
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And now we can talk to- wait, where's McCoy?
  • >Look at Bones
    "What are you looking at ME for? I'm just an old country skeleton who should have stayed home instead of signing on to go gallivanting around the swamp."
Oh. Bones. Right.
  • >Talk to Bones
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:D
  • >kiss bones
    "I don't have any lips, you idiot!"

    >attack bones
    "What are you coming after ME for? I'm ALREADY DEAD. Geez, you're slow!"

    >fuck bones
    "You blithering dunderhead, I'm a SKELETON! What you are suggesting is medically impossible."
Let's move on and boldly explore the swamp!
  • >get on raft
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If you just sit there, the crew stays completely lost and the following exchange takes place.
  • Smirk stares confidently into the mists, like Washington crossing the Delaware.

    The raft continues to travel through the fog.

    "Position, Dr. Spock?" barks Smirk.
    "Unknown, Captain." replies Spock. "We have as little information as a child when it is in the womb."

    The raft drifts on.

    "Dammit, Jim. We're lost!" says the skeleton.
    "Relax, Bones," replies the captain. "A temporary inconvenience." He turns to the warrior. "Mr. Zulu, please confirm our course heading."
    The warrior peers into the fog and slowly indicates a new direction with his spear. The raft changes course accordingly.

    The raft continues to sail through the fog.

    Smirk begins to look uneasy.

    "Analysis, Dr. Spock?" asks Smirk.
    "We appear to be experiencing a locational displacement, Captain. Our situation is similar to that of a child who has been abandoned in an unfamiliar locale."
    "Course, Mr Zulu?"
    Zulu indicates yet another new direction.

    The raft drifts on.

    "I dinna think Zulu knows where he's a-goin, Captain," says Scotty.

    "What the hell's happening, Spock?" barks the Captain.
    "We have become spatially disadvantaged, Captain. Caused, I believe, by Mr. Zulu's seeming inability to correctly orient himself to the points of the compass, due almost certainly to the lack of sensory input created by the high concentration of hydrogen dioxide molecules in the immediate atmospheric vicinity."

    "Dammit, Jim. He means Zulu's lost in the fog. Why don't you just say what you mean, you green-blooded idiot?"

    "Your anxiety is quite understandable," says Spock. "Clearly you had inadequate toilet training in your youth, which has created a propensity for the uncontrolled emotional outbursts which are the hallmark of your somewhat flawed personality."

    "TOILET TRAINING?" splutters the skeleton. "Listen here, you walking abacus..."
    "Gentlemen! Please!" interrupts the captain. "This is not getting us anywhere."
    Silence falls over the raft.

    The raft continues its aimless journey across the swamp.

    Zulu picks a new direction to explore.

    "Suggestions, Bones?" asks Smirk.
    "Dammit, Jim. I'm a skeleton, not a navigator."

    "Well, Mr. Zulu?" the captain asks.
    Zulu stares miserably into the mists, but says nothing.

    "I never should have signed up for this sequel," mutters the skeleton.

    "We're not a-gettin' anywhere at all, sir," says Scotty.

    A shoreline drifts into view. The crew cheers as the raft lands. You step off the raft, only to discover that it is the same shore from which you departed so long ago.

    Shore, on the raft
    This is the south shore of a murky swamp.
Yes, we're back where we started.
  • >get on raft
    Cautiously, you board the raft.

    Swamp, on the raft
    You are floating on a raft in the middle of a swamp.
Now, what can we possibly do to help SZulu find his way? Mmm, what have we got in the magic backpack... wait, Roddenberries? really?
(even non-Trekkies can solve this one thanks to an older newspaper, which talked about the properties of the Roddenberries)
  • >give roddenberry to zulu
    Zulu gobbles down the berries. He immediately straightens up and points his spear confidently in a new direction. The raft changes course, and everyone seems much happier than before.

    You start to hear an unusual noise coming from somewhere up ahead.

    The noise grows louder, and the raft starts to move more swiftly. "Shields up, Mr. Zulu!" barks the captain.
What danger awaits our brave crew?

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Oh. Crap.
  • Despite the indians' frantic efforts, the raft gets caught in the current on the rim of the whirlpool.
    "Wampum Factor 6, Scotty! Give me all you've got!"
    "Captain, I dinna think the injuns can take much more!"
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Well, that was a close one.

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Yes, today's glorious quest is to... make a rum drink.

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  • >Look at Daddoo
    He stands under four feet tall with a round moon of a face.

    >Talk to Daddoo
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Knowing what the fifth and last item Eric needs is, I'll let you guess how this Day will end.
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  • >kiss daddoo
    Daddoo kisses you on both cheeks and says, "Bon chance, m'sieur."

    >attack daddoo
    A voice comes from the house. "Harm him, and you will have ME to deal with."

    >fuck daddoo
    Daddoo kicks you on the knee and says, "Stop that!"

    >e
    Daddoo leaps into your path and says, "You can't go in there while he's like this. Just bring me the drink and everything will be fine."

    >Look at the house
    It's a graceful dwelling that looks quite old, although well-preserved.

    >Look at the crew
    Besides the captain, the crew consists of a baby doctor, a skeleton, a kilted Scotsman, an African warrior who is holding a spear and a shield, and two Indians. At the moment, all of them are imprisoned in the bamboo cage.

    >Talk to the crew
    Smirk says, "While we are in this cage we consider ourselves prisoners of war. Therefore we are obligated to give only our name and rank. As you already know this information, there is nothing further that any of us has to say."

    >Look at the bolt
    It's a large metal bolt that is firmly rooted in the ground. On the bolt are some letters that read:
    "DANGER: DO NOT REMOVE
    -- Linchpin Industries."

    >Look at the chain
    It's a thick chain that runs from the cage to the bolt.

    >cut chain
    That would require special equipment. Equipment that you don't have. Equipment that is, in fact, the focus of this entire day's adventure.

    >swim in swamp
    The swamp has this little game it plays with people who try to go swimming here - it tries to kill them. So far the score of the game is, "Swamp: 2,495,987. Adventurers: 0."
:D

Now let's get back on the raft and go swamp exploring.
  • >nw
    You climb onto the raft and sit down in the captain's chair.
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This is the swamp map. You can see the raft near the bottom right island. You can also see Pac-Man. The little text window fills up with completely useless text that changes randomly all the time, but I didn't take shots of it. The buttons can be used to control the raft, or you can just click where you want to go, though this will only move the raft in a straight line, so you'll need a bit more clicking to get around corners.

For information, the south shore is where we started, and the whirlpool doesn't do much.

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Let's start with the middle right island.

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Remember the earlier reference to Gilligan's Island? We're there!
  • >Look at the boat
    It's a small boat with a bashed-in hull named "Guppy."

    >Look at the hole
    With a hole that size, it's a miracle the Guppy made it this far. The ship's crew must be talented indeed.
    A bottle floats into the water nearby.

    >Look at the umbrella
    It's a large brightly-coloured umbrella.
Hey, we do need an umbrella for our drink. This one's a little too big, but let's hang on to it for now.
  • >Take the umbrella
    [Getting off the raft first.]
    You take the umbrella.
    [Your score has just gone up by 5.]
Now what's with that bottle?
  • >Look at the bottle
    Within the bottle you can see a matchbook.
    "Lil' Buddy! The professor has built a flying machine out of some trees and a bunch of seashells. All he needs to make it work is two paper clips."
    "Sorry, skipper. I've only got one paper clip left. I used all the other ones making a necklace for Ginger, and she lost it."

    >Take the bottle
    You take the bottle.

    >look in bottle
    Within the bottle you can see a matchbook.

    >take matchbook
    You take the matchbook from the bottle.

    >look at matchbook
    "In today's uncertain economic climate, do you long to return to a solid, old-fashioned occupation that offers financial security without tying you to a single location?

    Be a pirate!

    Do you like meeting new people and then robbing them at swordpoint?
    Do you like visiting exotic towns and villages and then putting them to the torch?
    Do you like blindfolding people and making them walk the plank into shark-infested waters?
    Then you, too, may have what it takes to be a pirate. Simply connect the dots on this matchbook to create an item of interest to pirates, and you'll be on your way to joining the exciting world of international piracy."
    In the small print below it continues:
    "The Columbia School of Piracy is an equal opportunity corrupter of youth.
    Not affiliated with the Columbia School of Abacus Training or any other institution.
    Allow fifteen minutes for round-trip bottle delivery.
    Your mileage may vary."
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Yes, you actually have to connect the dots.
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  • You finish connecting the dots.

    >put matchbook in bottle
    You put the matchbook in the bottle.
    "I've got it, skipper! We'll build a giant slingshot and shoot ourselves over the swamp. All we need is 25 yards of rubber."

    >throw bottle in water
    The bottle floats away.
And now, let's wait for the return mail.
  • >wait
    Time passes...
    "Thurston, dear. Isn't there someone you can bribe to get us out of here?"

    >wait
    Time passes...
    "The Professor has developed a genetically altered strain of dolphin. They can talk, they can each carry two people on their back, and they're intelligent enough to find their way through the swamp. The only problem is that he's bred out their ability to swim."

    >wait
    Time passes...
    "Maybe we could hollow out a giant tree, stuff a bunch of gunpowder in one end, and SHOOT ourselves off the island. Whaddya say, skip?"
    "Shut up, Milligan."

    >wait
    Time passes...
    A bottle floats into the water nearby.

    >take bottle
    You take the bottle.

    >look in bottle
    Within the bottle you can see a certificate.

    >take certificate
    You take the certificate from the bottle.

    >read certificate
    "Congratulations! You have qualified to study at the Columbia School of Piracy. Simply bring this certificate to Treasure Island to enroll in your classes today!"
If you keep waiting, you get to hear all the other Milligan lines.
  • "The professor has built a radio! Now all he has to do is wait for someone else on Torus to build another one and then we'll be rescued."

    "I've got it, Skip! We'll stitch together some sails and hold them over that thermal vent over by the volcano. The hot air will lift us up, and then we can hang-glide home!"

    "Darn! I broke another nail. It's so hard to be glamourous when you only have three colours of nail polish."

    "Skipper! Skipper!"
    "What is it, Little Buddy?"
    "Skipper! You wouldn't believe it! It was huge!"
    "What was?"
    "The monster! A prehistoric flying monster! It was trying to land over on the other side of the island. It had big blades whirling around its head, and you could see right through its stomach. There were two men inside, and they weren't even dead yet! Luckily, I was able to chase it away by shooting at it with that gun the Professor made."

    "Skipper?"
    "Yes, Milligan?"
    "Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?"
    "Whaddya mean?"
    "Well, here we are, shipwrecked on a desert island. But somehow I get the feeling that there are millions of people watching everything we do."
    "That's nonsense, Milligan. There couldn't be that many people with nothing better to do. Now go back to sleep."
    "OK, Skip."

    "Skipper?"
    "What NOW, Milligan?"
    "I've got this incredible feeling that everything that's happened to me before is about to happen again."
    "Don't be ridiculous, Milligan. You can't re-run your life over and over. Now quit worrying and leave me alone!"
    "Aye, aye, Skipper."

    "Why did they bring all these clothes? It was just supposed to be a three hour tour!"
We're done here, so let's hop to the next island.
  • >nw
    You climb onto the raft and sit down in the captain's chair.
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  • >read sign
    The sign is a tasteful arrangement of a ship's wheel, a skull, and the words, "Columbia School of Piracy."

    >Look at the Jolly Roger
    The Jolly Roger waves proudly over the compound.
Since we've got our certificate, let's go in.
  • >Climb over the fence
    A gnarly pirate comes up to you and says, "Har. If ye be wantin' to come ashore here, ye needs a certificate. Where be it?"
    You hand over the certificate and the bottle, and the pirate stands aside to let you off the raft.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]
The next bit is completely non-interactive, but it's hilarious.

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As far as I can tell you cannot really fail the quiz. I tried to pick random funny lines and still passed. I love some of the answers though.

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And that was the point of the exercise: we now have some rum!
  • >drink rum
    You take a sip. A fire ignites in your belly and spreads quickly to your legs. Before you know it, flames start coming out of your feet and you shoot up into the sky. You do a couple loop-the-loops, then come crashing back earthward.
    Another pirate who happens to be wandering by says, "Hmmm. They must be watering that stuff down."
Which Eric is better off keeping for Kahn...

On to the next island!
  • >sit in chair
    You sit down in the captain's chair.
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Yes, the theme playing is a variation on MI's.
  • >Look at the monkey
    It's a four-headed monkey that is capering up and down on the beach between you and the coconut.

    >Take the monkey
    [Getting off the raft first.]
    The monkey dances out of reach and laughs at you.

    >talk to monkey
    The monkey ignores you.

    >kiss monkey
    The monkey has four heads and lips that go on forever. If you started kissing it now, we'd never get through the rest of this game - and I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry.

    >fuck monkey
    No, no, no. Inbreeding is how the monkey got four heads in the first place!
:D
  • >Look at the coconut
    It's the largest coconut you've ever seen.

    >Take the coconut
    The monkey dances into your path and prevents you from reaching the coconut.
Darn. That coconut would sure be handy for our drink. What could the monkey possibly want? a banana? I wish Eric had a banana.

Now wait a minute...
  • >yoohoo banana
    An arm thrusts up from the surface of the swamp. It tosses you the banana and then sinks out of sight again.
Probably not the use you expected from the magical fruit that pointed to Eric as being the one chosen by Destiny, but there you have it.
  • >give banana to monkey
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  • >Take the coconut
    You take the coconut.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]

    >smell coconut
    It smells OK now, but wait until it spends a year in the trunk of Brian Moriarty's car!

    >open coconut
    See, now there you are. A perfect example of the penetrating intelligence which has allowed you to get this far in the game already. You have a coconut. You need to put something inside it. Therefore you try to open it. Brilliant. Now all that remains is for you to discover how to do it.
I love this game :D
  • >e
    You climb onto the raft and sit down in the captain's chair.
Next island, the top right one.

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  • >Look at the village
    It looks like a town made out of doll houses.

    >step on village
    You get a mental image of Godzilla stomping Tokyo and decide not to venture off the raft.

    >look at shed
    It's a large, utilitarian shed that is open at both ends.

    >get in shed
    The dockmaster says, "Sorry. Official Personnel Only."

    >get on conveyor belt
    The dockmaster pokes his head out of the shed and says, "Shrinking or enlarging people has been outlawed ever since the Great Daddoo Disaster several years ago."
Now you know why Daddoo looks the way he does.
  • >put newspaper on conveyor belt
    Before the newspaper reaches the shed, a small man with a fur hat steps out of the shed and says, "Sorry, comrade. Is not approved reading in our country. Is to warp minds, rot teeth, and cause social unrest. Better you should try to import it to decadent western country. Do svidaniya." The man disappears and you retrieve the paper.
Take that, commie!
  • >Look at the lever
    It's a large lever that has two positions. It is currently set to 'import'.
We'll fiddle with the setting later. For now, we do need to make things smaller, so leave it at import. We have the giant coconut and the giant umbrella, right?
  • >put coconut on conveyor
    You drop the coconut on the belt. It winds through the customs shed and comes back to you much smaller than it was before. You pick it up again.

    >put umbrella on conveyor
    You drop the umbrella on the belt. It winds through the customs shed and comes back to you much smaller than it was before. You pick it up again.
And now we have perfectly size coconut and umbrella. AND the rum! So all we need to do is open the coconut. Last island is the bottom left one, so let's get to it.
  • >sit in chair
    You sit down in the captain's chair.
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Unfortunately the way to the island is blocked.

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  • >Look at the iceberg
    It's small as icebergs go - not all that much larger than your raft. Still, it effectively blocks any further progress to the southwest.
Hey, I know! We'll just melt the iceberg!
  • >pull tail
    [Taking the dragon out of the backpack first.]
    When you pull on the dragon's tail, his mouth opens and a stream of fire comes out.

    >melt iceberg with dragon
    The dragon gamely tries to flame-broil the iceberg, but succeeds only in melting a few drops that quickly freeze over again.
    The dragon's flame goes out.
Mmm. We obviously need a bigger flame. Oh, if only we could return the dragon to his original size!
  • >sit in chair
    You sit down in the captain's chair.
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  • >put dragon on conveyor
    You drop the dragon on the conveyor belt and it winds around into the shed. Moments later, you hear a loud scream, and then you see a full-sized dragon emerging from the other end. The dragon hops off the belt and settles down on the raft, as if to say that it's content to go wherever you're going.
    [Your score has just gone up by 5.]
He's even friendly now :love:
  • >talk to dragon
    The dragon ignores you.

    >kiss dragon
    The dragon has become friendly. But not THAT friendly!

    >attack dragon
    He has become so friendly that you can't bring yourself to harm him.
Now let's go kill that iceberg.
  • >sit on chair
    You sit down in the captain's chair.
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On to the island!

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  • >Look at the gnolls
    Gnolls are a mutated cross between a gnome and a troll.
    "Stop playing with those intestines."

    >Talk to the gnolls
    The small voice whispers, "Shhh! That's not vegetable soup they're eating."
    "Shut up and drink your soup before it clots."

    >Look at the food
    I'll just lean over and take a peek for you... Oh My God! It's...
    ...Never mind. You're better off not knowing.
I forgot to check for a death scene here unfortunately, and just moved on east.
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  • >Look at the manacles
    The manacles hang ominously over the spiked table.

    >Look at the gallows
    Its primary ingredient is a lethal-looking rope.

    >Look at the chair
    It's a perfect replica of an electric chair, which is odd, because they haven't discovered electricity yet on Torus.

    >sit in chair
    You're almost all the way through the game. Why give up now?

    >look under chair
    "Kervorkian Construction Co."

    >Look at the table
    The table is covered with nasty looking spikes.

    >get on table
    If you did that, you would die a horrible, messy death. The blood would leak all over your computer, and your hard drive would get shorted out. Then your heirs would call our customer support people and complain that we messed up the computer, and we'd have to write a letter saying how sorry we are. But we really hate to write letters, so I'm afraid I can't let you get on the table.
:D
  • >Look at the iron maiden
    It's a child-size, coffin-like container that contains deadly spikes.

    >get in iron maiden
    You're much to big to fit into the junior-sized container.

    >Look at the guillotine
    The guillotine has a razor sharp blade that looks capable of cutting just about anything.

    >sit on guillotine
    You think about chopping off your head, but then you reflect on the good times the two of you have been through and you decide you've become too attached to it.
It'll cut anything you say? Does that include a coconut?
  • >put coconut on guillotine
    You place the coconut on the guillotine. The blade drops and takes a clean slice out of it. The top rolls away somewhere, and when you pick up the coconut, you see a clear white liquid inside.
    [Your score has just gone up by 15.]

    >drink coconut
    You take a small sip and pronounce the contents of the coconut to be delicious.
We have everything we need! Easy wasn't it? Back to Daddoo.
  • >w
    Gnoll Island

    >get in raft
    You climb onto the raft and sit down in the captain's chair.
eric_685.png


Introducing Eric the Barman.
  • >put rum in coconut
    You pour the contents of the bottle into the coconut. Moments later, the bottle vanishes.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]

    >put umbrella in coconut
    With the nonchalant flair of someone who has been tending a poolside bar for years, you drop the umbrella into the coconut.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]
And now for the rousing finale.
  • >give coconut to daddoo
    The midget takes the coconut and takes a small sip.
    "WOW!!! Now THAT'S a drink!"
    The midget produces a lime from his pocket and says, "You put de lime in de coconut, DEN you'll feel better..." Then he goes off into the house. Soon afterwards, he reappears with Mr. Dourke trailing after him.
    "Please accept my most profound apologies, Captain Smirk. I don't know what it is that came over me."
    Dourke produces the Bolt Cutters of Doom and hands them to you. "Here, my friend. Free your compatriots."
    You snip the bolt in half and the cage falls to the ground.
    "THE CHAIN!" Dourke yells. "You were supposed to cut the CHAIN! That bolt is the only thing that holds this island together. Run for your lives!"
    You hear a low rumble, which is quickly followed by a geyser of water that erupts below your feet, blasting you high into the air.
    You land on the mainland, with a tidal wave bearing down upon you. You race away from it, tripping and stumbling as you go. When its fury subsides, you collapse exhausted on the ground outside a black gate.
    [Your score has just gone up by 25.]
Well you gave me a boltcutter and told me to cut. What else did you expect?

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Meanwhile at the witch's castle.

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NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ERIC THE UNREADY!
 

lightbane

Arcane
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
10,158
I loved the blatant references to Star Trek and Monkey Island :lol: :lol: Too bad that nowadays, if you tried something like that, it's very possible you would be sued to death (speaking of Star Trek, the latest film was shit) :/
 

Drakron

Arcane
Joined
May 19, 2005
Messages
6,326
The late Ricardo Montalban played both Khan Noonien Singh and Mr. Roarke.
 

Crooked Bee

(no longer) a wide-wandering bee
Patron
Joined
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Messages
15,048
Location
In quarantine
Codex 2013 Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire MCA Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
So.. who are those people on the raft? Are we supposed to recognize them? :?

(Well, okay, I googled it and turned out it has something to do with Star Trek. But duh, I never watched that and the humour was lost on me. Game, I am disappoint.)

The Monkey Island stuff is great, though.
:thumbsup:


:lol:

He's even friendly now :love:

:love:
 

lightbane

Arcane
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
10,158
Crooked Bee said:
So.. who are those people on the raft? Are we supposed to recognize them? :?

(Well, okay, I googled it and turned out it has something to do with Star Trek. But duh, I never watched that and the humour was lost on me. Game, I am disappoint.)


:decline: of Bee. Khan... Excuse me, KHAAAAAAAAN was the bad guy from one of Star Trek's films, known for this scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRnSnfiUI54
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
lightbane said:
Too bad that nowadays, if you tried something like that, it's very possible you would be sued to death
You could probably still get away with it on parody grounds. If the copyright holders are stupid enough to sue they'll probably either lose or it'll get thrown out as soon as the judge notices it's a parody. Keep in mind this game came out around the same time as the Star Trek 25th Anniversary one, and in some ways this was free advertisement, because everyone knows Star Trek.

Crooked Bee said:
So.. who are those people on the raft? Are we supposed to recognize them? :?
:what:

Come on. I'm as far from a Star Trek fan as you could get (I've watched a handful of TOS episodes, another handful of TNG episodes, a couple of terrible DSN ones, and three out of 11 movies), but you cannot not know about it. It's one of the most defining entertainment symbols of the past 50 years, I would say much more so than Star Wars.

lightbane said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRnSnfiUI54
I always found this scene hilarious due to Shatner saying KHAAAAAAAAAAN twice, on top of all the echo in space. Followed by Khan's rather visual orgasm :lol:

Crooked Bee said:
Bob Bates never disappoints.
This stuff is awesome :lol:
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
SATURDAY: TWO WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL

(though I predict a LOT more than just one funeral if you count all the game overs)

eric_746.png


Welcome to the Black Gate (no, not that one). You can admire the scenic evil witch's castle in the background.

  • >Look at the castle
    It's an evil-looking castle in the middle distance.
The last newspaper of the game is here.
  • >Look at the newspaper
    [Taking the newspaper first]
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Let's see what else is around.
  • >Look at the skeleton
    The skeleton at one time belonged to a VERY dedicated delivery boy.

    >Talk to the skeleton
    You can try to talk to the skeleton if you want to, but the conversation will probably be a little one sided.

    >Look at the candygram
    It's a bright red, heart-shaped box that has the word "Candygram" written across it. Underneath the logo there is some fine print.

    >Take the candygram
    You start toward the skeleton, but your feet get mired in the black sticky goo. Somehow you manage to stagger back to your starting point before you become completely stuck.
Well well, what have we got here.
  • >Look at the tar
    The pool is a large, gummy, sticky, gooey, puddle of midnight-black pitch.

    >swim in tar
    Although you're a Torus-class burfle-stroke champion, one look at the pool convinces you that this is no place to demonstrate your prowess.

    >take tar
    You can't move a pool of tar with your bare hands!
This is the first of five obstacles Eric needs to overcome before opening the Black Gate. You may remember our buddy Bud mentioned we need the five artifacts to open the gate, so one of them will be needed here. But which one? Mmm, I wonder what can drain a pool of pitch... wait, pitch? as in pitchfork?...
  • >remove tar with pitchfork
    You plunge the pitchfork into the tar, bend your knees, and give it a good heave. The tar flies over your shoulder, wrenching the pitchfork from your hands as it goes. You hear a **splat** and a roar and you turn around just in time to see an enraged, tar-covered twelvephant lumbering out of sight.
    [Your score has just gone up by 15.]
    The small voice in your head says, "Hurry, Eric. Sir Pectoral's thugs are closing in on you faster than usual. They are only about forty-five minutes away."
Yes, on this exceptional day Pectoral's thugs will catch up as early as 10am. Which is REAL soon now. Let's waste no time in grabbing the candygram and reading the fine print on it.
  • >Take the candygram
    You take the candygram from the skeleton.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]

    >read fine print
    Knowing in your heart than only geeks read fine print, you nevertheless look at the small words.
    "WARNING: The Surgeon General of Torus has determined that this package contains massive explosive charges that will instantly kill whoever opens it. Therefore it should not be advertised in magazines, nor sold to minors, although the government will continue to subsidize its manufacture in the county of North Caroligna."
Remember Bud mentioned sending an explosive candygram to the witch all the way back at the beginning of the game? Well this is it. The messenger obviously died of boredom waiting for someone to answer the door. Naturally opening the candygram will have terminal results.

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Let's save this for the witch and try and open the gate instead.
  • >open gate
    As you approach the gate, the huge bird flies at you, talons extended and wings flapping in your face. The creature drives you back to where you were standing before, and then it resumes its perch on top of the gate.
Yep, the second obstacle.
  • >Look at the bird
    The raven stares back with an intensity that seems full of hatred. But after a while you realize that he doesn't hate you at all - he just wants to snag one of your eyeballs for lunch.

    >attack bird
    The bird lashes out with its talons and you barely escape with both hands intact.
Once again we need one of the artifacts. Which one could be useful against a raven? What's another name for a close relative of ravens, sometimes used interchangeably?
  • >attack raven with crowbar
    The crow strikes at you again, but the magic crowbar intercepts the slashing talons. The bird's claws involuntarily close around the bar, and the weight of it pulls him to the ground. Flapping his wings furiously, he manages to take off again, but he can only get a few feet into the air. Hopping and fluttering, he disappears slowly to the northwest, where suddenly a magic causeway appears, swallows him up, and disappears again.
    [Your score has just gone up by 15.]
On to the next obstacle.
  • >open gate
    Unnerved by the unceasing scrutiny of the black eye, you forget what it was that you started out to do.

    >Look at the eye
    The black eye never leaves you for an instant. It never blinks, and it follows your every move.
Obviously we need to cover the eye with something. Cover the black eye with something.
  • >put steak on eye
    [Removing the steak from the backpack first.]
    You slap the steak onto the black eye. Moments later the steak falls to the ground and vanishes. When you look up, you notice that the eye has also disappeared!
    [Your score has just gone up by 15.]
Next!
  • >open gate
    The gate remains stubbornly, mysteriously, closed.

    >Look at the lightning
    It's a jagged bolt of lightning that seems to bind the gates together.
How do you cut a lightning bolt?
  • >cut lightning bolt with bolt cutters
    [Removing the bolt cutters from the backpack first.]
    The cutters slice through the lightning bolt like a hot knife through butter. There is a sudden flash and a clap of thunder, and not only has the bolt disappeared, but the bolt cutters are gone as well.
    [Your score has just gone up by 15.]
And the final obstacle!
  • >Look at the moon
    It's a quarter moon like the one you saw so long ago on the outhouse door in the farmyard. The points of the moon are slightly out of alignment with the two stars that are next to it.
Let's wrench that crescent moon out.
  • >turn moon with crescent wrench
    You give the crescent moon a little twist. It slides into alignment with the stars, and the gate swings open!
    [Your score has just gone up by 15.]
    Suddenly, a rush of ghostly shapes streams past you. You are knocked to the ground until the grey whirlwind passes. When you get up, you see the wicked witch standing in front of you.
    "At last!" she cries in triumph. "Those gates were sealed five thousand years ago by the great wizard Belsnout. He scattered the keys across Torus so that they could never be assembled again. But now you have found them and opened the gate so that all the evil of the Other Side shall be free to roam Torus for as long as my castle stands." She throws her head back and lets out a loud screaming cackle.
    The small voice in your head says, "Oops."
    The witch snaps her fingers, and you suddenly find yourself in a turret room of her castle.
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Well we really don't have time to waste here. That mirror sure looks like the way out.
  • >break mirror
    Are you CRAZY? You'd have so many years of bad luck that they wouldn't fit in one lifetime. That means you'd have to serve them concurrently, and everybody knows that bad luck on top of bad luck isn't just 'bad luck times two', it's bad luck SQUARED. All in all, that's just too great a price to pay for the pleasure of seeing all that glass hit the ground and hearing a really cool sound effect.

    >Look at the mirror
    You see a hazy reflection of yourself.
    About one-fifth of the sand has passed through the hourglass.
Woops. We really need to do something about the hourglass before anything else.
  • >Look at the hourglass
    The sand is draining rapidly through the hourglass. It looks as if you have about eight minutes left.
Failure to stop the sand from running results in:

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Unfortunately we can't take the hourglass and do anything with it.
  • >Take the hourglass
    You pick up the hourglass. It immediately begins to heat up in your hands. You can only hold onto it for a few moments, and then you replace it on the table.
However, the curse ispretty specific. No need to break the hourglass or the curse, all we need to do is stop the sand from running. By, oh, maybe just flipping the hourglass on its side?
  • >rotate hourglass
    You set the hourglass on its side. The sand stops draining and the curse is temporarily foiled.
    [Your score has just gone up by 5.]
Now that we have more breathing room, let's see about getting out. Wonder if that book can help.
  • >Look at the book
    The page appears to be blank.

    >take book
    A crackle of electricity leaps from the book and singes your fingers. Ouch.
This also means you can't turn to another page. Let's look at something else instead.
  • >Look at the crystal ball
    It's a standard-issue crystal ball.

    >touch crystal ball
    You run your hands over the ball. It feels smooth and even and full of power.

    >look in crystal ball
    A harrowing, distorted image of the wicked witch fills the ball. "I'll get you, my pretty," the witch screams. "And your damn dog too!" She starts to cackle hysterically.
    "But I don't HAVE a dog," you protest.
    The witch stops abruptly. "You don't?"
    "No."
    "How about a hamster?"
    "Nope."
    "Pet turtle?"
    "No. I had a goldfish once. But it died. Does that help?"
    "Curses! It'll have to do. Where did you bury it?"
    "In my mom's back yard."
    "Well, then," she cackles. "I'll get you, my pretty. And your mom's back yard too!"
    The witch screams in hysterical laughter and the crystal ball clears. A cold wind blows through the turret, riffling the pages of the spellbook and blowing over a new page.
Well that did turn the page on the book...
  • >Look at the book
    "If you wish to rush into where angels don't tread,
    You must first learn to see through the eyes of the dead.
    And a word from the wise will then summon my ghost,
    So that soon you will be where you wish to go most."
Don't ask me why wicked witches always feel the need to leave detailed instructions on how to escape. Anyway, one step at a time. First, we need the eyes of the dead.
  • >Look at the eyeballs
    They are presumably the gruesome ingredients for a witch's brew too horrible to contemplate.
They'll do. Especially since they fit in that lovely skull over there.
  • >Take the eyeballs
    You take the eyeballs from the jar.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]

    >Look at the skull
    It looks just the same as all the other skulls you've ever seen on a wall in a turret of an evil witch's castle when your life, the life of a princess, and the fate of a kingdom lie in your hands.

    >put eyeballs in skull
    You put the eyeballs into the skull. They instantly light up, and the mirror turns opaque.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]
Yep, the mirror is the way out after all.
  • >Look at the mirror
    The mirror has gone opaque.

    >walk through mirror
    Bonk! Your attempt to walk through the mirror is unsuccessful.
But not quite yet. First, we need the word from the wise.
  • >Look at the owl
    You learn nothing by examining this ancient, inscrutable symbol of wisdom. Well, almost nothing, I guess.
Well he's not saying much right now, but what sound do the symbols of wisdom usually make?
  • >hoot
    The mirror goes dark and you hear a ghostly voice. "I am the spirit of the mirror. He who would enter my realm must first show he can see things as I do."
    The voice fades, and some symbols appear on the mirror.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]
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Hey, easy isn't it? It's just 11+11=22.
  • "Thou hast failed." The mirror returns to its opaque state.
Not so simple... Remember, if you've got to see things as the mirror does. In other words, the numbers it shows are mirror images of the "real" number. Aha! What you really need to do is 9+9=18!

... not quite. Because you also need to enter the answer as a mirror image.
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Success! Let's escape and stop the wedding!

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  • >Look at the chain
    It's a thick chain that runs from the ceiling down through a hole in the floor.

    >Look at the hole
    The hole leads to the Great Hall below.

    >Look at Great Hall
    You peer down through the hole to the Great Hall below. The chandelier hangs directly above a small black circle that has been inscribed on the floor. Other than that, you can't see much.

    >Look at circle
    You recognize it as the mark on the floor that designates where the beast is supposed to stand during the wedding ceremony.
This is important, but for now let's keep crawling.

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Makeup!
  • >Look at the makeup
    It's a pot of green makeup that says on the label, "WARNING: While it has been demonstrated that this product will eat through any known metal within thirty minutes, it is perfectly safe for personal use if used as directed. To apply, first seal your face with several layers of wax. Make sure you are wearing insulated gloves. If the makeup comes in contact with your eyes, flush immediately with cold water, then buy a white cane and a pair of dark glasses. If the product comes in direct contact with your skin, we recommend immediate amputation of the affected area. If you have any complaints about our products, call 1-800-747-7633. Operators are standing by."

    >call 1-800-747-7633
    You hear a disembodied voice say, "To successfully complete a call, you must use the correct number of the party you wish to reach. If you need further assistance, please consult your users manual, as we never have operators standing by. Thank you for using Godsnet."

    >Take the makeup
    You take the makeup from the table.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]
This is NOT the type of makeup you want to use at home, ladies.

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Let's have some fun with the bed now.
  • >lie down in bed
    A bearded man with a heavy accent appears out of nowhere and says, "Unt zo! Ve zee you haf zee repressed desires mit die vitch. Do not give in to zem, my boy."
    You blink your eyes and the man is gone.

    >Look at the teddy bear
    It's just a little stuffed animal. Harmless. Innocent. Not worth your attention at all.

    >hit teddy bear
    A low growl comes from the throat of the bear. You quickly pull back.

    >Look at the teddy bear
    It's a ferocious, man-eating, possessed creature that is more dangerous than anything you have yet faced on your journey.
:D
  • >Look at the curtains
    The curtains frame the window nicely.

    >close curtains
    An interior-design nymph pops into view and says, "You have no IDEA how hard I worked to get just this look. Please don't spoil it by messing with the curtains." The nymph holds a couple of wallpaper samples up next to the curtains, shakes her head quietly, and then disappears.
We're left with the broomstick, which is our ticket out.
  • >Look at the broomstick
    The broomstick is about half-sized, with training wheels.

    >Take the broomstick
    You take the broomstick.

    >climb on broomstick
    You hop on the broom, which immediately flies into the air, swirling and looping and bucking like an untamed horse. You manage to hang on for a few moments while the broom slams into the walls and the window, but eventually it does an inverted barrel roll and you fall off, injuring your pride more than your body.
That is, it will be our ticket out after we open the window...
  • >Look at the window
    It's a large window that looks out on the forbidding terrain surrounding the castle.

    >Open the window
    You open the window.
Now the broomstick can take you to one of two other locations. One is the Black Gate, in case you forgot the candygram.
  • >climb on broomstick
    You hop on the broom, which immediately flies into the air, swirling and looping and bucking like an untamed horse. Suddenly the broom sails out the open window and you find yourself conducting aerial maneuvers several hundred feet above the ground. You somehow manage to hang on, and after a while you coast to a landing outside the black gate, where you promptly fall off the broom. Looking back, you see skywriting that traces your wild ride. You can just make out the words, "Surrender Dorothy" before the smoke fades away.
The other place is this:

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The obvious way forward is obvious.
  • >open trap door
    You grasp the ring and pull. The door swings open.
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Yes, we're now inside the wedding cake. From here there are a LOT of ways to end the game prematurely. Here's a compilation for your enjoyment.

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The others require that the wedding ceremony start, which you can do by just waiting until 11am.

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From here on, there are any number of things you can do, each resulting in a different gruesome end.

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Obviously, doing anything to interrupt the ceremony is not a good idea, so let's sit it out.
  • A cheer goes up, and the Great Hall starts to fill with the most bizarre creatures you've ever seen. Eyestalks, tentacles, external gills, and other organs are randomly distributed among them, as if the guests had been created by a giant explosion in a body parts factory.
    After a few moments, the Beast enters and drags Lorealle down the aisle to stand in front of the minister. She still looks beautiful, despite her week in captivity. She is dressed in a pure white gown, and the Whistle of Elyrium still hangs around her throat.
    As a beaming witch looks on, the minister clears his throats and says, "Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to witness the bondage of Lorealle to the Beast..." The minister scratches his horn with one of his fins and then continues reading the words of the ceremony...

    The minister looks up and says, "Who giveth this woman to the Beast?"
    "I do," says the witch, handing him a Bill of Sale.
    "Ah. The Hag of Honor." He examines the document, then he pockets it and continues with the ceremony...

    The minister says, "I call now for the Mooning of the Bride." All the guests turn around and bare their backsides at Lorealle. This turns out to be less grotesque than you might imagine, as the parts revealed are far less disgusting than the parts you have already seen.
    The minister resumes the ritual...
Of course Eric can do his part as well.
  • >moon beast
    Ever the polite wedding guest, you bare your butt. Fortunately, no one can see you hiding in that cake, so you get to live for a few more turns.
    (I'll bet you're loads of fun at traffic lights, too.)

    "Now for the Examination of the Groom, to determine if he indeed is wearing, 'Something cold, something red, something mangled, something dead'." A creature shuffles forward and rummages around inside the Beast's pants. After a while, it nods and retreats to its place...

    At the back of the hall, a goat wanders into the room. Alarmed by the smell, it retreats again. The minister doesn't notice anything and continues with the service...

    "Let us proceed to the Exhumation of the Groom's Great-grandparents."
    This is obviously the part of the ceremony that the younger guests look forward to the most. Brandishing shovels and pickaxes, they rush out of the back of the hall and then return moments later, each waving a grisly object best left undescribed.

    "Do you, Beast, take Lorealle to be your chattel, to do with exactly as you please, without regard to her dignity, health, or personal safety?"
    The Beast says, "Roger that."
    "Excellent." The minister continues, "And do you, Lorealle, consent to subjugate yourself to the Beast, forsaking all individuality, abandoning all hope of personal fulfillment, and dooming yourself to a life of unending drudgery that will make your very existence a living hell?"
    "If it weren't beneath my dignity," replies Lorealle, "I'd tell you to crawl back into whatever maggot-infested hole you slithered out of this morning, and to take Mr. Pustule and his mutant plasm pals with you. Fortunately for you, however, I am constrained by good breeding to answer merely that I would much rather rot in the Cesspits of Karstia for all eternity than to be married to this loathsome creature."
    The minister blinks and says, "I'll take that as a yes..."

    The minister says, "May I have the manacles please?"
    There is a brief moment of tension as the Best Man fumbles around, looking for the manacles. Finally he locates them in a fold of skin under his center armpit. He passes them to the minister and everybody breathes a collective sigh of relief. The minister tucks the manacles in his pocket and continues...

    "Time now for the traditional Beheading of the Best Man."
    Someone produces a large broadaxe and the Beast lops off the head of the creature standing nearest him. There is a smattering of applause as the ceremony continues...

    "If there be any creature present who knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now or forever be forced to gossip about it behind their backs."
    The witch glares around the room, as if daring someone to object...

    The minister produces the manacles from his pocket and hands them to the Beast. "Then by the power vested in me by virtue of a fancy certificate I ordered through the mail, I now pronounce you Beast and Beastess. You may manacle the bride."
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Waiting passively is also not good, though you have to admire Lorealle's character. However Eric can do better than that, though this will require going back to our convenient save in the witch's bedroom.

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As before we grab the makeup, but let's go do something with it. Remember the chain holding the chandelier right above where the beast stands? Remember the fine print claiming the makeup will eat through any metal in 30 minutes? That includes the chain holding the chandelier.
  • >e
    Passageway
    This is a secret passageway that runs between the turret and the witch's bedroom. The only thing you can make out here is a chain that is hooked to the ceiling and runs through a hole in the floor.

    >put makeup on chain
    You smear the makeup on the chain. It immediately goes to work dissolving the metal. Moments later, the pot pops out of existence.
    [Your score has just gone up by 10.]
Now we wait.
  • >wait
    Time passes...
    The chain looks about one-fifth gone.

    The chain looks about two-fifths gone.

    The chain looks about three-fifths gone.

    The chain looks about four-fifths gone.

    The chain is hanging by a thread.
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Of course, you've also got to remember what the witch said. Ceremony starts at 11 and goes on for half an hour. Therefore you've got to time it so that the chandelier crashes during this time, AND you've got to be in the wedding cake when it does, otherwise the witch will catch you. So after reloading, we sit there and wait for the right time.

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Notice the perfect timing to crash it :smug:

Now we follow all the steps from before, getting on the broom, into the small space and then into the wedding cake, where we wait through the entire ceremony, until it gets to this point...
  • "If there be any creature present who knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now or forever be forced to gossip about it behind their backs."
    The witch glares around the room, as if daring someone to object...

    Suddenly the chandelier plummets down from the ceiling. It scores a direct hit on the beast, and deals Lorealle a glancing blow. The beast falls to the ground, dead. Lorealle falls as well, but she doesn't appear to be seriously wounded. The room erupts in chaos.
I'd say this was the perfect way and timing to express Eric's objection :smug:

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However Eric is still in trouble, and has exactly one turn before the witch fries him.

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The candygram was the right idea, but how about giving it to the witch instead?

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:yeah:
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As usual, the signs of a quest completed. Let's get Lorealle and get the hell out of here kiss her while she's unconscious.
  • >take lorealle
    Ever so tenderly, you gather the unconscious girl into your arms.
    [Your score has just gone up by 20.]
    Pieces of the castle are falling all around you.

    >kiss lorealle
    Here it is. The moment you've been waiting for. You've scratched and clawed your way across Torus just for this one opportunity. But wait! Is it right? Is it proper? Should the lips that kissed the farmer's pig dare to touch Lorealle's?
    What the hell. Why not?
    You bring your lips close to hers. At that precise moment, the slimewig suddenly makes a dash for freedom up your gullet and out your mouth. It does a quick tapdance across Lorealle's face and then runs away. By the time you're done throwing up, the idea of kissing Lorealle has lost a great deal of its charm.
    The very foundation of the castle seems to be breaking up.
I WILL NOT BE DENIED :x

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Morale of the story: thinking about sex while the whole damn place is crashing around you? NOT a good idea. So this time we grab Lorealle and RUN AWAY!

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:yeah:

Now we can take our sweet time and relax, right?

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Oops. Forgot about that little detail...

Well, Bud said to blow Lorealle whistle and Pegasus will take us home!

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One magic ride is as good as another!
  • >climb on duck
    You deposit Lorealle on the duck and climb up after her.
    [Your score has just gone up by 50.]
    [You have now achieved a score of 1000 out of 1000 points.]
    The magic bird takes off, and soon you are flying high over Torus. Lorealle awakens from her stupor and says, "Eric! I KNEW you would come." Before you can reply, the duck suddenly starts to lose altitude, and you start descending toward's Fudd's Castle.
And we're finally there, with a perfect score too! Have Eric and Lorealle made it back in time, or has the kingdom fallen into the hands of Grizelda the Hefty?

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Yes, I trolled you: there is no funeral in this update.

And so endeth this LP. Thanks for watching/reading and goodnight.
 

Erebus

Arcane
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
4,763
Thanks for the LP ! The game was quite amusing and you really showed the many possible (often crazy and sometimes deadly) choices it offers.

Nice to see that wise old wizards and prophecies can sometimes turn out to be less than impressive !
 

lightbane

Arcane
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
10,158
:love: :thumbsup: :salute: :salute: Awesome until the end, it's a shame that games like this one no longer exist. By the way, does the ending change depending of your score or something?


Morale of the story: thinking about sex while the whole damn place is crashing around you? NOT a good idea.

Shh!!! Don't give Bioware ideas!!! Just wait what will they do with Dragon Derp 3.
 

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