Gahahaha, let's play Sengoku Rance! (NSFW)

deuxhero said:

I'm guessing that the guy wearing plate armor (Rance?) is a foreigner? The "vacation" line and the fact that he has western armor in a game where everyone else is wearing eastern clothing makes me belive he is, but I want to make sure.

Does Ran have pants on? I can't tell with the text box.

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Considering that this is a japanese game and he has shark teeth he's obviously a foreigner and/or daemon-blooded or some shit like that.

oscarisaiah said:

My kind of hero. Is he meant to be European? Would make him even more win. RPG's do need more anti-hero's (and by that Game Devs need to realise not emo fags or 90's brooding rebels).

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No, he is meant to be a "Westerner", Europe does not exist in this game. I think Japan is the first "real" country in the Rance games. He comes from a fictional continent (connected to Japan with a bridge). In the earlier game (very similar to this one) he was raging through it while kicking ass and getting ass.

Fools, it's not Japan, it's JAPAN. Get it right.

No, it is ＪＡＰＡＮ

A game made with the Codex demographics in mind? Cool...

Haba said:

“but he raped my daughter” *sob*.

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:D

Hümmelgümpf said:

Not even a single line of dialogue will be skipped. I'm not doing a half-assed LP.

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You meant the sex/rape scenes also? They are sometimes so long that it's a pain to even by-click it.

WhiskeyWolf said:

Hümmelgümpf said:

Not even a single line of dialogue will be skipped. I'm not doing a half-assed LP.

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You meant the sex/rape scenes also? They are sometimes so long that it's a pain to even by-click it.

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Even them. People can always scroll past if they're bored.

Wow, does that game grow stale, old and boring fast. The horrid dialogue and those incredibly banal sex/rape scenes don't help either. The only thing going for it is that "skip" button that makes the shitty dialogue fly by.

Chapter 1




I will. *Munch* *Munch* Hm!!
Hm?
It's good!!
Hahaha, all right. I see, they're good, huh?

*Pat* *Pat*

Don't pat my head!
Hahaha.


Hm?
Oh.
What great timing. Do you want some dango too?
I'll have some later! Please hurry, everybody is waiting!
Hm?
It's time for this week's conference. All the other commanders have gathered and are waiting for you. Let's go!

Kou holds out her hand to Nobunaga.

Um...

*Grab* (Nobunaga grabs Kou's hand) *Grab* (Nobunaga grabs Rance's hand) *Tug* (Nobunaga makes them hold hands)

Okay!
What are you talking about!?
I'm leaving Owari to Rance, so I'll have him deal with it.
Rance-san is the secret ruler! You're the official ruler, Brother!
Oh... We traded places.
When!?
Just now.
Just now?
Oh, yes. About the expansion... I've said it before, but you don't have to try your hardest and be all reckless. I only want moderate amounts of territory. See you.

Nobunaga pushes the two out of the room.


You're wrong.
Hm?
He had a high temperature. It's a sign of his sickness.
Eh?
He has always had poor health. It's been cold recently, and he also pushed himself in the last battle... So...
He has poor health, huh?
Yes. But he never shows his pain. That's why... It's painful for me.

She tightens her grip on Rance's hand.

He doesn't have much longer to live.
Eh?
He knows that. He's living for me. I don't know what would happen to Owari if he dies and I'm left alone... So he's pushing himself until I go marry someone, or someone who can succeed Owari comes to marry me... He knows that he has to do the work around here. That's why he's forced to be conservative. People who don't agree have betrayed him, starting revolts and declaring independence. So Owari is now Oda's only remaining territory. He thinks this is the least he could do and believes this is the best territory to protect me in. He wasn't half-joking when he said he wanted to run the dango place if something happened.

Rance can't see her face from behind, but Kou sounds like she's crying.

I see.
Leave it to me. Nobunaga would be able to die in peace if I conquered all of Japan. Gahaha!
......! You're right...
Oh, I was joking. He won't die! He won't die! I'll conquer Japan and find a good doctor!
......!
Understand!?
Y-Yes.


After seeing Rance and Kou walk out, Nobunaga crumples down and leans against the wall.

Holding her hand was bad... I'm sure she noticed.

He sighs, hot with fever.

Kii...
I'm all right, Toukichirou. I just pushed myself because Rance is a funny guy.
Kii...
Yeah. I hope Rance can support Owari... No, I hope he can look after Kou. But he's from the other side of the bridge. And he's not the type to stay in one place. Actually, I don't think it's possible for him.
Kii.

Nobunaga stares at the door to the hallway.

You're still there? You should quickly go to the hall or Kou will start the conference. I'm fine...

The person on the other side of the door leaves with that.

Hmm... I should sleep.
Kii.
Hahaha. You're going to protect me instead? You sure are reliable.


We have to do a lot of things to keep the country moving. I'm sure it's impossible to learn all of it at once, so we'll teach you one thing at a time. I think you'll be able to manage if you listen to the advice 3G and I give you.
...That's a pain in the ass.
Please don't sound like my brother!
Actually, who is this 3G?
U-Um...


3G!
Hiiii! Three heads!? What the hell is this!?
Please calm down, Rance-san. He's a youkai, and...
Youkai!? Then I'll kill him.
Please stop!
He's a youkai called 3G, but he serves me and my brother. He's like my grandfather, and he's working for Owari as our brain.
But he's a youkai, right? Why is he living with humans?
It's nothing special here in Japan. Youkai are like us, and there are ones that live with other races. And these youkai are like guardian deities that protect a family. He had strained his back, and he was recuperating in his hometown. Welcome back, 3G. Is your strained back feeling better?
Yes. I'm sorry for leaving.
My back hurt so much that I was about to cry.
Kakaka. You're always crying.
B-Be quiet.
He's one strange creature.
Oh, who is this?
Let me introduce him. He's Rance-san. He's taking charge in place of Brother.
What!?
Then Nobunaga-sama is...
Could it be...?
Oh, no. He's a bit sick, but he's doing all right.
I see. But this person is not from Japan, is he?
No. Rance-san came from the other side of the bridge.
What!? He's a foreigner!?
How unique.
You're more unique.
3G. Please support Rance-san with me.
But... Is this all right?
Yes. Brother made the choice.
Understood. Then we shall be of assistance! x3
You're fired.
What!? x3
Geez, Rance-san!


And it'd be great if Kou-chan can mature while I'm at it.
Kukuku. I guess I should get fired up about this.




Say that to Kou-sama.
Huh? I can't say such a dirty thing to her!
......
Kouhime-sama and Rance-sama are here.
Oh.
......


When the two enter, all commanders bow and draw back.


Okay.

Rance and Kou sit up at the front. 3G sits a bit behind them.

We will take Brother's place for a while. I'm looking forward to working with everyone.
Gahahaha. You can count on me.
Well, what should I do first?


Welcome to the global map! Yes, we finally made it here. There's quite a lot of things we can do on this screen. Unfortunately, two of our first attempts to click on a province will be rudely interrupted by two more infodumps.


What should I do?
Let's see... Constructing flood controls in case of disasters, making more fields to cultivate in, and developing the towns. We need to hand out provisions to increase the loyalty of our people. Oh, it's good to hold a festival too.
Zzz...
Please don't fall asleep, Rance-san.
That sounds like a lot of trouble. You can do that sorta thing for me.
...I thought so... I knew you'd say that. Then I'll do those with 3G. But please take care of all the military affairs in place of Brother. Such as investigating other countries, and if neeeded, searching the dungeon in your own country. We can do anything else you would like to do...
I want to search for sexy women.
Uhh...

And here's infodump number two:


All right.
Um... I'd like to ask something of you... Everyone's been here before you, and they're great people, so please treat them with respect.
Fine, fine.
They're good people, and they're always helping me out.
One of them became a traitor the other day, though.
T-That's...




Hello, Katsuie-san.
Hehe, hehehe... U-Um... I brought you this...

He takes out a hair stick with an apple ornament.

I bought it since it looks so cute. I think it's a bit cheap for someone like you to wear, but will you accept my gift?
Wow, it really is cute. It doesn't look cheap at all. Um... Is it really alright for me to have this?
Of course!
Thank you, Katsuie-san. I'll take good care of it.
Hehe... Hehehe... Then I shall be going now.


What was that?
Um... He... um... likes me...
W-What? Does that mean he's a lolicon!?
P-Please don't say that in such a big voice.
There are traitors and lolicons working under you. No wonder Nobunaga can't rest in peace.
No, that's wrong. And Brother isn't dead yet! H-He likes Brother, and... um... He just likes me as well.
I see. He's a lolicon and a homo? That's seriously bad.
T-That's not true! ......Probably......
He's big, loud, and annoying. Can I fire him?
No!!


And we're back. At first, you can take only two actions on the global map per turns. Actions you can take in a province are usually colored with one of five colors: blue marks construction (increases national power and makes fighting in the province easier), green marks search (for dungeons or artifacts), yellow marks negotiations (recruiting commanders, declaring wars and signing peace treaties), purple marks story and character-specific events, and red marks combat. Untagged actions consist mostly of miscellaneous stuff.

We can't declare war on anyone until turn 2, so instead we'll spend some time with Kouhime. It will allow us to recruit 3 commanders, something we could use this early in the game.


It's filled with nature, and the people here are all good people.
Hmm... Owari... Doesn't the name sound kind of ominous?
G-Geez, please don't say weird things! *Smack* *Smack*
Wahahahaha.
But she sure is cute. I'm happy when I'm with her. I can understand why she's adored by everyone... But to have sex with her, she has to, um... I wish she'd grow up...


So I'll brew some tea today.
Okay.
Here you go.
Hm... *Sip* It's good.
Um... Rance-san...
Hm?
There's some dango too. Please have some.
Oh, I'll have some. *Munch* .................................... Buh!!
W-What's wrong!?
M-My... pupil... opened... wide...?
Oh... So it's no good, as I thought...
Eh...?
Those are dango I made...!
Oh...
Oh... So they really can kill people...?
Are you not good at cooking?
I'm only bad with dango...
I see.
Kouhime-sama. Hello.
Oh, welcome, Takigawa-san.
I recalled the taste of your tea, and I just had to come because I wanted some again.
I see. Thank you. Oh, my brother isn't here, so we can't make any dango...
Can I have some that you made?
Eh? But...
Hahahaha. Don't worry. My body has resistance against poison.
P-Poison...
Oh, I'm joking. I love your dango.
Okay... Tea and dango?
...Who is this over-familiar poison lover?
It's Takigawa Kazumasu-san. He's the leader of an excellent ninja team. Oh, if you want, you can invite him to join the Oda family.
Hmm...
......Hm.........Wait...
Hm?
You just said he's a poison lover... Does that mean... Um...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Ohh... It's fine......


Tamagushi Fuuka will be the first commander we're going to recruit in the name of our noble cause. We already have two foot soldier units, and we'll be getting a ninja one for free in a couple of turns. Miko, on the other hand, are pretty rare. Plus, she's fuckable.


This is the negotiation interface. You can send up to 5 commanders on an assignment. Their total Negotiation skill (highlighted column) must match or exceed the DC. DC for recruiting Fuuka is only 4, and Maeda alone can get get the job done.




......Ugh......
Here you go.
......Hm... I think I'll just take tea...
Oh......
O-Okay! I'll eat it! I'm ready for poison or anything!
U-Uwaaan! You called it poison...
Fufu...
Hm?


Oh... She's laughing at us...
I'm sorry, Kou-sama. It's because you were unusually merry...
Merry?
Yes. Am I wrong?
...It is fun... But he said the dango I made are poison...
I didn't say that.
Ugh... Maybe, but...
They just have unique taste, right?
That's a mature response.
You're an adult too, so you should give mature responses as well...
You're cute, but your dango are a different story.
U-Uwaaan!
...Hm? Hmm... Hmm?
Um... What is it?
You're cute.
U-Um... Thank you.
Are you Kou-chan's friend?
Yes. This person is Tamagushi Fuuka-san and she comes here often. Fuuka-san is a fighting miko.
Fighting miko?
They can fight and heal.
I see. Then you can fight?
Yes.
Oh, yes. Rance-san. How about we invite her to Oda?
Oh, that sounds good.
Actually that was my intention all along. You're beautiful, so you're going to become my woman. Oda needs more women.
But...
Hm?
Can someone of an unknown origin like me serve a family...?
Unknown origin?
Yes... I was unconscious in the outskirts of town, and the nice townspeople saved me. ... I don't have any memories of before then.
Oh.
[ So Fuuka is not my real name either.
Then did you become a miko after you lost your memory?
No... When I noticed, I was able to use these abilities already. So I was probably a miko before I lost my memory.
I see. Well, your past doesn't matter. We have a bright future ahead of us. Come with us.

Rance takes Fuuka's hand.

Uho. What a fortunate finding.
Okay. Thank you so much.
Yup, you're welcome.

Thus, Fuuka joins Rance's army.






That's a no-good attitude of the weak. Offense is the best defense. If you want to protect something, you have to attack. We can bring peace if we defeat everyone who may attack us.
...I don't think that's a good idea...
I don't care. We're going to attack.
We can't. At the very least, we need to declare war. We need justification if we are to fight another country.
That's such a bother... Well, I guess it can't be helped.
Please have people who are skilled at negotiating declare war.
All right, let's start declaring war on all the countries.
W-We can't. It's suicidal to declare war on multiple countries at once.
Damn.


Hara are the only family we can declare war on at this point, and there's little reason not to do so.


The DC is a bit higher this time around.


Yes, sir!
This is bad... Dispatch an envoy and try to call for a truce...
That's not necessary.


Running away after a declaration of war? You're a coward who doesn't deserve to be called a warrior.
......!
You are my husband, correct? Then you should be able to beat the Oda family.
But...
Do you want to embarass me? Do you want people to say that my husband trembled in fear and ran away from our enemy?
......!
Shouji-sama...
...I'll accept their challenge.
Oh...
Fufu. That's what I expect. Dear. Please win now that you have accepted their challenge.
......All right...
Poor Shouji-sama...
......


And so begins our conquest of Japan.


In order to take over a province you have to take over all territories that are part of it first. This province has four territories.


Note that each commander can only perform one action per turn. Negotiators we used this turn can't be sent into battle. It's also a good idea to have some troops left at the end of a turn to make sure you can fight off any counter-attacks. Hara are weak, and Rance and Ranmaru should be enough to handle one battle.


I'm leaving it to you, Rance.
Why don't you do it if you came this far?
Hmm... Will you carry me back if I collapse?
No.
Hahaha. Then I won't go.
You coward.
Hm.
Fufu.
You're taking him lightly.
You're taking him lightly...
You're taking him far too lightly. x3
Our lord is strong.
In a one-to-one fight.
Not many people in Oda can beat him.
That's right.
Huh?
No, not at all.
Hm... Fine. We'll have a match to determine which one of us is stronger! I lost to him in a drinking match, but I have the advantage in a fight. Kukukuku.
Hey, now. Just because you lost the drinking match...
T-That's not true.
Hahaha. You just stuttered there. Hmm... Then let's do this.

Nobunaga takes down two bamboo swords and throws one at Rance.

Let's fight using these.
All right.
You can come any time.
Uryaaaa!!
Oh, UFO.
Eh, where?

*Poke* Nobunaga taps Rance's hand with his bamboo sword.

Forearm.
Nobunaga-sama wins!! x3
What is that!? I demand a rematch! Uryaaaaaa!!
Oh, a beautiful woman.
Eh, where?

*Poke* Nobunaga taps Rance's body with his bamboo sword.

Torso.
Nobunaga-sama wins!! x3
That's not fair!!
It is. It's called playing cleverly. Ahahaha.
I can't be fooled by those tricks! Unsheathe your sword!!

Rance readies Chaos.

Whoa, that's so immature.
R-Rance-sama...
Uryaaaa!!

He charges with all his might.

Geez...

Nobunaga unsheathes a nearby sword.

Hah!!

Rance swings down the sword with all his might. Nobunaga holds his sword horizontally, holds the hilt with one hand and the blade with the other. Nobunaga blocks Rance's attack with that... Or so it seemed. *Slide* The instant Chaos hits the sword, Nobunaga uses Rance's charge and moves the center of his weight to his right. He lets Chaos slide across his blade, squats down, and moves right up to Rance.

Eh...?

*Tap* Nobunaga lightly touches Rance's stomach with his fist.

Huh?
Hahaha. I win.
What was that...?
That's our lord's technique.
You can only match a strong power with equal power.
But what if you parry it?
Your enemy loses balance.
As his attack is parried.
And that's when you attack!
That's his strength!! x3
...... Hm...
Gaaah! Again!! I demand a rematch!

*Woooooo* Shell trumpets are being blown everywhere.

Oh, it started.
I don't care!
Yeah, yeah, get going. It's over.
Gaaah! I won't let you run away with the win!!
Hahaha, we'll do it again some other time.
We'll fight again after the battle! I'll win next time!
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry, Nobunaga-sama. We'll be going now.

Once Rance leaves, Nobunaga crumples down onto a chair.

Brother...!
Lord!! x3
I'm fine... It's been a while since I held a sword, so I'm just a bit tired.
Geez, that foreigner.
No, it's fine. It was fun for me too. It wasn't the case before, but now, nobody in Oda fights me seriously... So yeah, it was fun.
Brother...
......

*Pat* *Pat*

Hey, Kou.
...Yes?
Man... I wish I could run around like Rance...


As expected, this battle is very easy. Hara troops are outnumbered and die in moments.


I'm out of action fans, so I end my turn.


How beautiful...
Right? These are all high class cloth.
Oh... What should I do? I can't choose one.
Why don't you just go all out and spend away?
Let's see...
What's going on?
Oh?
Are you planning to buy all these, Aki?
Yes. You don't mind, right?
We're at war right now. We need to save money...
Oh. Are you saying you don't mind me wearing the same clothes every day?
Uh...
Oh, how terrible. This is what I hate about a man who does not understand elegance. He says a ruler's wife can wear the same clothes every time she goes out to public.
Um, but...
......I do not want them. Leave.
Ehhh?
I said leave!
Fine, fine. Then good day to you two.
I'm leaving here as well. I don't feel well.
A-Aki... Um... Can I go to your room tonight?
......

Aki deliberately lets out a deep sigh.

I just said that I do not feel well. How can you be so insensitive and say such a thing?
Oh... I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that...
......Hmph. Excuse me.


This is the land where the emperor lived in and governed Japan. The Ashikaga family prospered and controlled all of Japan from this center. But the Ashikaga family has declined, and they had once stopped down so low as to serve the Oda family.


The head of the Ashikaga family succeeds the name Takauji, but the man disliked the name and called himself Choushin to create a new Ashikaga family.

Damn, damn, damn!!

*Slap* Choushin throws the fan in his hand down on the floor.

The Oda suppressed their civil war. How frustrating!




Come on. Don't worry about it. Choushin-sama. There is no need to be flustered as the Oda will ruin themselves.
I want to destroy them right now!
But Kubota wasn't effective. It means that now is not the time.
Guh...!!
I hear that they're letting a foreigner rule their country. They're running down the path to destruction. We will take the spoils. They say good things come to those who wait.
I'm not going to destroy Oda using good luck! I'm going to destroy them by force!! All of Japan will belong to Ashikaga!
Please calm down. The glittering hurts my eyes if you get irritated and walk around.
Silence! How is it going on your side, Ikkyu!? Have you still not found the remaining two of the Three Sacred Treasures!?
Hmm... Rrrring... Rrrring... Click. Hello, this is Ikkyu. Oh, Mother! Yes... Yes... That's right. Choushin-sama is angry. Yes... Yes... Thank you, Mother. Then please excuse me. Choushin-sama. I was just contacted by my mother. She says that it is hard to find the remaining two of the Three Sacred Treasures. Well, I'm getting hungry. I would like to go eat some steamed buns.
Geez, everyone is useless!! Pupiiiiiiiiii!!


Thus ends turn 2. In the next update Rance will finally get some satisfaction points, and another conspiracy against Oda will be set in motion.

You should write some comments instead of just copy pasting the text, bro

Haba said:

poocolator said:

GarfunkeL said:

Is that really the dialogue from the game? If it is, :shock:

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The dialogue is nightmarish. Think 13 year-olds hanging out on Battle.net, and you'll have the gist of things.

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Durrr. The game goes over the top purposefully. It would stop being funny real fast if Rance didn’t act like a horny 13 year old. Rance has sex with 300 women in the course of the game, and not all of them are consensual... Serrrious dialogue would take this game from being funny to disgusting real soon.

For example, you got to love that one scene, where the peasants are praising their foreign liberator and one of them is thinking “but he raped my daughter” *sob*.

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Durrr.

Traitors, lolicons, homos. Sengoku Rance.

Can't wait for the next update! Rance already has some many potential 'victims' around him. GO RANCE GO!

That Ashikaga guy is freaky as shit. I wonder who in his court you get to fuck?

GarfunkeL said:

Can't wait for the next update! Rance already has some many potential 'victims' around him. GO RANCE GO!

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tbh I'm disappointed he's not going for the loli.

We all are, but you're brave enough to admit it.

I take it this loli sister will be Rance's first "victim"?

edit: oh, it's not? nevermind.

poocolator said:

That Ashikaga guy is freaky as shit. I wonder who in his court you get to fuck?

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Clowns.

Where's the NSFW material? In the text?

poocolator said:

We all are, but you're brave enough to admit it.

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I predict a lot of avatars from this game when the LP is over, Codex will look like a Pokemon fansite agian.

poocolator said:

We all are, but you're brave enough to admit it.

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:eagle, stars, and stripes:

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michael jackson lives on in animes

Some of Rance's replies are hilarious. But no loli love ? damn...

ghostdog said:

Some of Rance's replies are hilarious. But no loli love ? damn...

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You can turn Rance into a pedo... results are not good tho.