Let's Play Pokemon Emerald!

Oh don't you be giving me that look!

Yes, I'm jumping on the let's play-bandwagon and I have chosen this game!



Ta-fucking-dah-ah!

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Updates:
Chapter One - The One You Are Reading Right Now (just scroll down, damn it!)
Chapter Two - The One With The Pink Clock
Chapter Three - The One Where Everything Started To Go Downhill
Chapter Four - The One With The Corey Hart Cameo
Chapter Five - The One I Did Before I Got A Job
Chapter Six - The One That Made Me Complain About Work
Chapter Seven - The One That Pulled Me Back In Again
Chapter Eight - The One With The Missing Tie
Chapter Nine - The One With The Impossible Anatomy
Chapter Ten - The One With The Frightening Cyborg Cocks
Chapter Eleven - The One With The Amazing Running Shoes
Chapter Twelve - The One With The James Bond Cover Art
Chapter Thirteen - The One With The Livejournal Madness!!!
Chapter Fourteen - The One With The First Demise of Rick
Chapter Fifteen - The One With The Daddy
Chapter Sixteen - The One With The Something Something Thing
Chapter Last - Da Bomb
Chapter Eggteen - The One With The Obvious Plot Stuff

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Now, to justify my pick, I want to say that, originally I thought about doing a let's play of a more nerdy game, like Front Mission or Chrono Trigger, or Anachronox if I could get the bastard to work on my lap. All three are very good games, I might add, but then I had sort of like an epiphany.

Out of nowhere, I suddenly heard a loud, booming, awesomely manly voice speaking to me: "Andy, you sexy devil" the loud, booming, awesomely manly voice said, and only now did I realize there was a hint of british there. "What other games exists that allow you to capture innocent animals, cram them into tiny red balls and make them fight other animals for money and your own personal glory?" And immediately I knew, and so did the loud, booming, awesomely manly british voice. "Exactly" it said slowly drifting away, off into oblivion...

Well, I certainly couldn't argue with that. And that dude sure had a point! There's a lot more to these games than most people think!

So we're gonna play Pokemon Emerald and we're going to do it together! In style!

Introduction!
Like most Pokemon-games, Pokemon Emerald is an RPG that isn't all that well regarded as an RPG. No, really. However, it has a lot of stats and it sure has a lot of turnbased combat and you sure as fuck do a lot of levelling and there's even a bunch of dungeons. There's not much choice and consequence, though, but surely the Pokemon-games should be met with the same amount of respect that, for instance, Oblivion gets? Okay, that was a low blow on both parts but you get my drift.

Bear with me.

Anyway, for all you who aren't that familiar with "Pokemon" and all that... Well, I guess you overslept or something. Either way, I guarantee you're in the wrong thread. Now, to you who are familiar with what Pokemon is all about but isn't familiar with what that "Emerald"-part is all about, let me tell you real quick that "Emerald" is what developer Game Freak and producer Nintendo, mostly Nintendo I'd wager, cooked up by mixing Pokemon Ruby (Red) and Pokemon Sapphire (Blue) into one, only you got Green instead of Purple. Emerald takes plot and design elements from Ruby and Sapphire, improving them... uh, somewhat. You get to smack around both Team Magma and Aqua this time and you get to catch both legendary pokemageddons as well as a third, green, supposedly stronger pokemageddon. Anyway, the result is a gaming experience that feels more complete. 'Course if you wanna catch them all you gotta buy them all, but that's something we won't do. This isn't for completion. This is to enslave animal nations with mad ball throwing skills.

With that said, let's be on our way!


Seeing as he's having us enclosed in complete darkness, the pleasure's probably all his. This guy is the Pokemon Professor Birch, but I call bullshit on that. Everyone and your grandma knows the true Pokemon Professor is Oak who lives around Pallet Town with Ash and all other cool people, but we'll let this slide for now.

Anyway, choice time! Birch wants to know if we're a white guy in adidas or a pretty thing in tight hotpants.



Will this have consequences? You bet your ass it will! Immediate consequences!

He also wants to know our name so come up with something truly epic, fitting a Pokemon Master! Seven letters is all we get but that's enough for, say, "Messiah" or something. Sadly, this will not have any consequences but hey, we can't get everything handed on a plate. Can we? Besides, I can't name any RPG where your chosen name matter.

Alright, get cracking and I'll see you guys around.

Bubbles.

Sex doesn't matter.

Lame. Anything past Red/Blue and Gold/Silver is garbage.

Does Pokemon Emerald have Miltank? If so, you may proceed.

xedoc gpr said:

Lame. Anything past Red/Blue and Gold/Silver is garbage.

Click to expand...

Well, I don't have those and I'm a respectable human being who doesn't enjoy illegal rom downloading.

kingcomrade said:

Does Pokemon Emerald have Miltank? If so, you may proceed.

Click to expand...

Nope. That's Gold/Silver/Crystal-exclusive. Thankfully. Who in their right mind would want this abomination?



Okay, sure, everyone but that's besides the point! I mean, look at it!

For some reason, this thread reminds me of Spacemoose...

Cassidy said:

For some reason, this thread reminds me of Spacemoose...

Click to expand...

A rather clever guy, I hear. I'm not him.

Now get cracking, folks! Come on. This'll be fun!

Is it some kind of crazy japanese law that every pubescent girl must be dressed in black lycra hot pants?

Just name it Codex and get on with it.

So what are the boring starting Pokemon in this version?

psycojester said:

Is it some kind of crazy japanese law that every pubescent girl must be dressed in black lycra hot pants?

Click to expand...

Are you complaining? More importantly, is that a vote for Bubbles the hotpants-wearing Pokemon Master?

I guess it is!

I hope your writing skills are up to par because you'll need them to craft a story that would keep people interested. Do some drawings too. Infact sit back an hour or so and plan your approach on how you are going to make this LP entertaining for your viewers.

Go with Volourn and a boy/girl/hermaphrodite/adrogynous. Or Vince. Or Vault D.

Sovy Kurosei said:

I hope your writing skills are up to par because you'll need them to craft a story that would keep people interested. Do some drawings too. Infact sit back an hour or so and plan your approach on how you are going to make this LP entertaining for your viewers.

Click to expand...

I'll do my best. I hope I can count on all of you to give me a big slap in the face/constructive critcism once in a while? :wink:

About them drawings... well, stick figures is all I can do. I'll see what I can do.



Our heroine is on her way to the insignificant town of Littleroot. Her mother had left before her and would be there to greet her once she arrived. But how would a young lass like Bubbles travel? And alone to boot? What sort of transportation had her mother picked out for her? Bubbles is after all underage and should be travelling with a guardian of some sort. So had her mother suggested she rode the train? Lots of girls like to ride the train, and there’s many people onboard who can keep an eye on poor little Bubbles. Oh, not the train? Well, did her mother put her on a plane then? Yes, surely a plane would be ideal. Safest way to travel after all, or so they say, or so they say... Not a plane, you say? Oh, but surely did she not have have her daughter take a taxi? A bus? Or… oh no… Did her mommie just think Bubbles could stand in the back of a truck with the rest of the furniture?



Indeed she did, indeed she did. And we will never forget this abandonment!



“Mom!” Bubbles sniffed and jumped into her mothers arms. “Mom, I was really, really scared!”
“Oh Bubbles” her mom answered, gently stroking her daughters hair. “It’s over now” she continued, carefully untangling Bubbles hair which had gotten so dirty and snookered up after all that time inside the truck so that it looked more like an angry raccoon than the hair belonging to a former beauty queen like Bubbles.
“Why did you have me stand in the back of the truck, mommie” Bubbles demanded to know, but her voice was very squeaky.
“Oh Bubbles” her mom said, again. “You know we don’t have much money these days.”

And Bubbles kind of accepted that answer. Her mom had told her again and again how, once upon a time, the Threadbares had been a family be reckoned with. A family with a sense of pride and tradition, spawning many a great pokemon masters and breeders. You needed someone or something beaten to a pulp with the kind of hurt only a Machamp could bring? You wanted to breed a Pikachu with a Magikarp, just for kicks? You didn’t mind to stand in the shadow of someone far greater than yourself? You came to the Threadbares. And you damn well came to them with a loaded wallet and an open mind about in-breeding.

“It’s your fathers fault, Bubbles” her mom said, releasing her daughter. She swallowed. “Well, we can talk about this later. Why don’t we go take a look at our new home? It’s not much” she continued, “but it’s home for now.”



“Thankfully, we haven’t lost all the pokemons in our control, but still… moving furniture and cleaning up is only so much. Run along now. I’ll call on you once dinner’s ready!”

And so Bubbles went by the enslaved pokemons, up the stairs, down the corridor and into the second door on the left. This was her room and she was grateful that the pokemons had finished with her room first of all. She took a look around. A pink clock was nailed to the wall. It didn’t seem practical but she supposed she would get used to it in due time.



Checking her computer, she found an old health potion dad had given her. Apparently, it would “come in handy some day.” She didn’t know what on earth he possibly meant but then again her father was a lunatic, mother told her most of the time and so there was a great possibility the potion would never, ever be used. Bubbles tucked it into her bum bag, thinking she would probably be able to pawn it for some good money if the potion turned out to be of no use.

She returned downstairs and found her mother dangerously close to the TV.



Bubbles ran to her mother as fast as she could. Whatever was on the TV was surely important!



“Well, no matter. It was just another news feature on your father, dear.”
“But, but, why did you…”
“Because, sweetie” mom said, hugging Bubbles, “your daddy’s a lunatic and you should see all the mistakes he have done so you never repeats them. Okay?”
“O-okay” Bubbles answered.
“That’s a good girl” her mother said in a cheery voice. “Now, who’s up for toast?”

To be continued!
Next on Let’s Play Pokemon Emerald, we actually get to the point and pick a damn pokemon! See you then!

Feel free to slap me in the face. Did you like it? Did you hate it? What did you like? What did you hate? What do you want more/less? Give it to me!

tl;dr

I'm confused. Is it the correct time or not?

Bizarrely I always wondered about the true story behind the Pokemon games...

Ok... so I didn't. But this is making a relatively entertaining read. Just get to the pokemon selection already!

what you're missing is the cpt. shepard factor. bubbles better be grabbing collars left and right if this is going to go anywhere

I want this thread finished, but after the very last post I think it is well deserving of a sticky in Retardo Land.

NAME HIM BONER
FORD THE RIVER
USE THE PEPPER SPRAY

Let's Play Pokemon Emerald! NOW WITH EXCITING PICTURES!!!



Welcome back to Let's Play Pokemon Emerald! This is Littleroot Town and it has exactly three houses and six or seven inhabitants. I keep forgetting. Like all the starting locations in Pokemon there is absolutely nothing interesting you can do here except start the game and get the fuck out as soon as possible, so let's hurry things up! By the way, notice that our house is on the right side. If we would have chosen to play as a boy we would have had the left house! Choices! Consequences! In your face! Ain’t that right, Bubbles!

“Mommie?”
“Yes, dear?”
“There’s a strange man outside the window yelling my name.”
“Oh, that’s just the narrator, sweetie.”
“What’s a nare-ate-whore?”
“God, dearest.”
“God?”
“Yes, sweetie.”
“Who’s God?”
“God is a very special person, dear. He’s your closest friend and he’ll be with you all day and all night for as long as you’ll live, watching over you and making sure you are safe.”
“Even when I’m naked?”
“Even when you’re naked, sweetie.”
“That sounds creepy.”
“Yes, dear. Now eat your toast.”

Later that day, Bubbles finally dared to venture outside her house. She immediately met up with God!

“But I thought you were a fat guy!”
“I’m God, Bubbles. I take just about any form. Yesterday, I was a black man. Today, for a couple of seconds of photo opportunity, I was a fat white guy. Now, I’m a well-dressed 4-chan meme!”
“That seems inconvenient, God.”
“Inconvenient?”
“People are fighting because they all have their own idea of what you look like, God!”
“All in good fun, Bubbles! I have to test their faith as I see fit!”
“And where did you get this slutty picture of me?”
“Oh, do you like it? I spent quite a second on the Internet finding it. I think it’s a good picture. I think it really brings out your boobies!”
“My boobies?”
“Yes, Bubbles. Your boobies.”
“You’re creepy, God.”
“I know.”

<>

Bubbles needs to find Professor Birch and get herself a pokemon! Let's try visiting his house first and... whoa, he's not here.
"Oh, are you my new neighbour?”
“I sure am!”
“Hm, for some reason I expected someone more... male…"
“What!?”

“Well, go on your way now, hotpants! I’ve got work to do!”
“What a jerk, huh, God?”
Indeed, Bubbles! This is your rival Brendan. He's an even bigger dick than Gary was and promptly sits his fat ass down in front of his computer to masturbate once he's done talking to us.
“Oh my.”
“Yes, indeed. Gary at least always took the time to run away once he was done with us in his several filthy ways. It was a lot like most relationships I’ve had only with a lot more captured exotic animals. Once you start giving it out for free you’re in trouble, Bubbles. Always remember that.
“Okay!” Bubbles immediately exclaimed. “Wait, what?”
“Also, he seems very disappointed that we're a lady!”
“That homo!”
“Well spoken, Bubbles! Too bad he didn’t hear you because he was too busy violently masturbating over Final Fantasy 7.”
“I did my best…”
“You sure did, Bubbles! You sure did! Well, we'll show him in due time, won't we?”
“Yes!”
“And Bubbles?”
“Yes?”
“Try to be a bit more like your Uncle Shepard once in a while.”
“But he’s a bad man!”
“Indeed, he is, Bubbles… Indeed he is…”



“But I didn’t…”
“Now, now, Bubbles… There’s no need to be modest.”
“But I… You KNOW I didn’t… DO ANYTHING! You… He was…”
“Always be true to yourself, Bubbles. It is only natural. Brendan clearly wasn’t up for the job. Video games will do that to a man. Horrible things, really. Isn’t that right, ma’am?”
“Who are you?”
Alright, Birch doesn't seem to be here! Where could he be? Well, I mentioned that there were only three buildings in this so-called town, did I not? Yes, I did. The third one is Birch's lab so let's hassle him at work!

“Oh snap, he's not here. Quick, Bubbles! Ask that nerdy looking paedophile over there!”
“Is he really a paedophile, God?”
“Most likely, Bubbles. I want you to be very careful when dealing with this man. If he makes you uneasy in just about any possible way, just remember what your uncle would have done and channel his fury!”
“Okay… Umm, mister?”
“Yes, ah, Bubbles? How can I, ah, help you?”
“Hey, how do you know my name” Bubbles demanded to know and made a devastating collar grabbing move! “Answer me, dammit!”
“You’re ah like ah messing up my ah clothes ah… but you’re ah feeling up all ah the right ah places ah… The professor told me, ah-ah-haaaa… you were coming, ahhh.”
“The professor? Where is he?”
“He’s out doing ah fieldwork ah…



“Ergo, he’s not here?”
“Yes ah!”
“What the he… uh, nevermind. Thanks.”
“No problem ah!”
"Umm... What's with your hair?"
"What ah do you mean ah?"
"Well, you had hair for a moment there."
"Trick ah o' the light ah!"
"Oh."
"Yeah ah!"
"Alright Bubbles! Let's back away from paedophile now. Back away from the paeodophile!"
"See you ah around, Bubbles ah!"
“Well done, Bubbles! Yes, well done indeed! You will find that collar grabbing is an excellent way of getting information! That nerdy paedophile has pointed us in the direction of "out of town" so that's where we'll be going!”
“Out of town… But God, I’ve never been out of town… May-maybe we should get mom to come with us?"
“Nonsense, sweet cheeks! It’s just a bit into the woods anyway. Don’t worry!”



“We're not going to take that. We're Bubbles the [female] Pokemon Master and nothing can scare us! However, the little girl has a point. There is something going on further into the woods. Bubbles, only by tackling this little girl into a Christmas tree can we find the source of the ruckus!”
“No, I can’t do that!”
“DO IT!”



“Oh no! I didn’t want to do that! I…”
“Get a grip, Bubbles! Once this thread is over, tackling a few girls into trees and bathing in their warm, sticky claret will be the least of your sins!”
“Really?”
“Yes, Bubbles. Now let us press forward!”



“OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME!”
“Oh my!”
“Guys, say hello to world-renowned Pokemon Professor Birch! He probably got the diploma in a box of corn flakes.”
“What guys are you talking to, God?”
"OH SWEET JESUS!"
“Hey, shut the fuck up!"
"GOD!"
"Mmm?"
"Who were you talking to?!"
"Oh, uh, why, the heavenly host of course!”
“Oh. Right.”
“Yes, now let us..."
"HURRY!!!"
"Dammit! Shut up! It seems this dumbfuck is in need of our assistance. He'll give us a pokemon if we help him out. However, we could just take his bag and leave him to his dumbass fate.”
“No, God. That would be cruel!”
“He's being chased around in circles by a fucking raccoon, Bubbles! His whole existence is cruel! Let's have the raccoon put him down!”
"AAAAHHHH!!! OH GOD IT'S EATING MY PANTS!"
“No! I’m going to save this man and you’re going to help!”
“Jesus Christ in a mosh pit! Okay, fine, whatever! But at least snatch all of those juicy money makers when we're done with this heroic bullshit!”
“No, that would be stealing, God! He told us to take one pokemon and one pokemon is all we will take!”
“Ugh… Okay, time to choose our ONE pokemon and save Birch’s ass!”


Bubbles is damn lucky I’m a loving god! Hey, heavenly host? Choose a pokemon for us!

“Oh my. Look at all these pokemons!”
“Yes, yes… whatever.”
“Can you tell me something about them, God?”
“I guess…”


The first one is Treecko, some kind of grass chomping lizard of some kind. It'll evolve into a fatter version. Rumor has it it’s a ninja by night, so it's alright.


This is Mudkip. Of 4chan-memes and other Internet fame. I have no idea but that's what they tell me. Mudkip is lame so please do not make me pick it. It's alright and all but it's damn lame looking. Especially when compared to Squirtle, the original water starter and the baddest motherfucker ever.


The third choice is Torchic. Motherfucking Torchic. Torchmaster T. I recommend we get this one. It's not better than the rest of these or anything but it'll eventually evolve into a FUCKING AWESOME FIREBALL-THROWING KUNG FU MASTER ARCH-COCK OF DEATH!



Or just Doom Cock for short.

There's just something about that that's very much appealing.

Decisions, decisions... Get a move on, people!

sorry duder, but you've got to go with mudkip. there is really no other choice

Oh man, why?!

While this Doom Cock looks like there is a lot of hentai of it this thread is pure fail without you picking Mudkip.

Locue, slowbeef would be proud, but if that's praise is up to you.

Well damn, I suppose that's two votes for Mudkip so far! You know what, guys? You're all total dicks. What on earth am I supposed to do with Mudkip? This is the problem with democracy today, I swear.

Locue said:

What on earth am I supposed to do with Mudkip?

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the conventional wisdom is that you're supposed to really really like him/it