Let's write down the Unwritten Tales

The Book of Unwritten Tales is a German adventure game published in spring 2009. As far as I know, it hasn't been translated into any non-Übermensch languages yet, but it's a really awesome game with cute artstyle, humour that usually hits the spot and 3 different player characters. Puzzles aren't that hard, especially since you don't have to do too much pixel hunting: you can highlight all interactable objects on screen with the simple press of a key.

I still got a few weeks of holidays left until university starts again and I'm bored, so, I thought, why not replay this game and do a LP on the Codex? I know, I still got an unfinished LP lying dormant somewhere, but I don't feel like LP'ing a strategy game right now and this one is much more LP-worthy anyway since most of you guys can't play it since it's German-only.



This is the menu. It looks like a book. How fitting. Let's start, then.



The loading screens are quite funny. They got phrases like "rolling a 20" and "hiding the bugs".

And onward to the INTRO:

Some goblinoid guy is scribbling something into a book.



Apparently it's about some war and evil and classic fantasy cliches. You know, the typical shit. He also seems to have found some artefact. But THEN



Fugly bastard wants something from him. Gnome-goblin-thingie doesn't say anything, so he abducts him. His mother is a witch-queen or something and she has ways of making him speak. As he and his fat ogre-like croonie drag him out of the house, they're seen by Princess Ivo, our first hero:



The bird is her pet and she can understand what it says.
Peep! Peep!
No, of course I'm not going to do anything stupid! Yes, we should get help! Go on, go back home and tell mother, she'll know what to do!


While the bird flies back home, Ivo looks at that dragon the bad guys are going to fly away on...



So much about not doing anything stupid.
Well, we'll just use that rope...



...to swing over to the other side. Let's have a little chat with the gremlin-goblin-whatever guy.



Who are you?
My name is...
It doesn't matter, I have something important to tell you! It's about you, me, the Alliance, everyone!
I don't really care about the Alliance...
Doesn't matter! It's important for everyone! I'm an archaeologist and historian, you know.
And these guys want something you have?
Exactly!
All right, I'll just go and rescue you, okay?
No time, no time!



Take this ring and go to archmage Alastair in the city of Seefels! He will then go to my house and find the book - then he will be able to find IT!
So what about you?
Me? Don't worry about me. I won't tell them anything. I'll resist their torture for a few hours. A few days, if it has to be. Oh, all the pain! All the humiliation!
Sounds like a plan.
What, are you crazy?? Rescue me as long as there's a chance!!
But the lock looks solid. I might cut the cage free, let it fall down and hope that it breaks apart on the ground, though...
Sounds like a good idea, try it!
Eh... the chances of that actually being successful are about one to a million.
Yeah, excellent, do it! It's my only chance!
Well, all right then...



These ropes hold the cage to the dragon... hmm, looks real sturdy, I can't get them open with my bare hands. If I had a sword, however...

Yeah, a sword would be nice to have, indeed. Let's try climbing on the top of the dragon...

It's too far above. I can't reach it.

Okay then. Let's ask McGuffin the goblin-or-whatever-he-is.

Well, the guys up there probably are armed.
Yeah, but how do I get up there? I can't reach the upper platform!
No problem, take this!
A whip?
Yes, it has always helped me in my adventures.

Let's use the whip to get to the upper platform, then.





When I stay at the edge of the platform, they can't see me from inside the commander's room!

Let's be careful, then. We can't sneak to the swords without the ugly evil guy seeing us, so we have to do something different. We take the flag-mast standing right next to our position. Let's try...

I could get the sword off its stand, but I couldn't fetch it with that stick alone...

Okay then. There's a box of stuff right next to us, too. And there's a fishing hook in it! Let's combine the stick with the fishing hook...





This was... elegant.

And now we have a sword! Yay! Now we can just use this on the ropes that hold the cage.

Hey! McGuffin!
Yes?
Before I free you... what do they want from you, anyway?
An artefact! It's very important. We need it. And well... actually, I don't even have it. I just read about it in a book. It's important that the evil guys don't get it.
Sounds banal.
The war between good and evil is NEVER banal!
Yeah, whatever. I'll just cut you loose, okay?
Yes, I'm ready. But... if I don't survive this... or they find me again... YOU will have to fetch the book. I've hidden it in my SECRET BASEMENT. You'll have to go back to my house, open the secret basement, get the book, and bring it to the archmage!
You mean... in that case, a young sexy elven woman will be the hero of the story instead of an old gremlin?
Stop talking and just cut me loose.

Alright then, let's cut the bastard loose... we'll use the sword on the ropes, aaaand... CUTSCENE TIME!!!






Cutting those ropes destabilized the whole construction... we're also falling down! At least we're above a snowy place, which means that we won't get hurt too much once we hit the ground.

Aaaand... now comes another intro with credits and stuff. Also the game's title.



That's it for now. Next update coming either tomorrow or later today. Probably tomorrow.

Intriguing. Do continue.

Yes, please.

Nice. You've been waving all those fancy looking German adventures in front of our eyes for long enough, be good to see one all the way through.

It's your duty to translate for us to the bitter end

Apply some nude patch before continuing, sir.

Man what an ugly overload of banal cliches. In everything. Art design, PC + companion design, storyline.

This is so unoriginal it's almost original again.

Yup, welcome on the peak of german humour. This is going to be painful.

seen by Princess Ivo, our first hero:

Click to expand...

It's heroine ... unless you know something that we don't

actually most of the codex *hopes* you know something that we don't



Art/graphics look pretty good.

Introducing Hero #2: Wilbur Wetterquarz the Gnome



Wilbur was asleep again while working and, as usual, dreaming of being a hero.

I see, you're heavy at work, heh heh! What have you dreamt of this time? Were you a knight in shining armor? Or one of these strange wizards again?
Err...
Well, I actually have a job for you! You should get my rat-hunting robot to work so it can hunt that little critter hiding in the hole below the bar. It's eating all the hops, and I need those to make beer. Go, hunt the rat like a real hero!



I've never heard of a hero who had to hunt rats.
Heh heh. Finish your work, then you can go home and dream of being a real hero. And while you try catching that rat, I'll go on testing the beer. I'm already at barrel 2030...

Alright, catch a rat. Typical hero's job, isn't it? Let's see then...



Apparently it always flees into its hole when we get too close to it. Hmm...
There's a crowbar on the bar, so we'll just fetch it.

Yeah, you can always make good use of a crowbar!

Shut up, Gordon.
Close to where we've been sleeping sweeping the ground, there's a bit crate. Wilbur says it must've arrived while we've been sleeping busily working. Trying to open it is pointless - we're not strong enough for that. Oh well, let's forget about it then.

Er...

Yes, Gordon?

How about using the crowbar?

Hm. Why not. Good idea. Let's use the crowbar!



Hnnnnf...



A gnomish home robot of the type X-100. Useful for work at home and in the garden! Looks like he's out of fuel, though.

Out of fuel, eh? So we probably have to "feed" it. Let's just have a little chat with our beer-drinking boss.

How's the beer-testing going?
Oh, it's a complicated thing actually. First you think it's okay, then it has an earthy aftertaste... well, I always say, from one mug alone you can't judge a beer, heh heh!
So... I'm supposed to get the robot to work so it hunts the rat, right?
Yep. Shouldn't be too hard for you - you're a gnome, and gnomes have a knack for technical things!
Well, I'm more interested in magic instead of technology...
There should be a manual in the box, just read it and follow the instructions. Shouldn't be too complicated!

Ah, a manual. Yes indeed, we did recieve a manual after opening the crate.


Okay, let's check... hmm... River Elfish... Succubish... ah, here, Dwarfish! To get the robot to work, you will have to feed it with the stinking remains of your disgusting existence (please no broccoli or brussels sprout). Now, about the rats... ah yes, to make him hunt a critter, you'll have to feed its DNA to the robot. Suitable for this are: hair, blood, sweat, snot, or... *ahem* other stuff.

Other stuff? Are we supposed to collect rat cum or what? Er, whatever. Let's look for the fuel first. The stinking remains of our disgusting existence... I think that means we should look for leftovers in the kitchen.



I call it: The history of Dwarven Food. The last three weeks. By Wilbur Wetterquarz.

Okay. Let's fetch the leftovers of three fucking weeks (eww). We'll also take some trash out of the trashbin. Trash and really old leftovers probably qualify as the remains of our disgusting existence, I would guess. I think we should maybe cook it in the slimy pot on the bottom of the screen.

But nah, there's some mutated slime in there. Wilbur refuses to use the cauldron as long as the slime's inside. We can take the coffee can on the stove, though. It's even still warm.

Let's go back and stuff some of the garbage into the robot...



It works! It works! Now we only need some rat DNA in order to make the robot hunt the rat. Let's check the rat's hole.



The rat has eaten through the wood! Some of its fur has stuck on a splinter of wood there... I'll better take it!

All right, rat-fur! Not enough to make a fursuit of, but enough to feed the robot with DNA.




It's hunting the rat, and... hits the bar. But at least the rat's got scared and ran out of the house! Hooray, quest solved! We've done something really heroic! We've chased a rat away!

Hey, boss! I've solved the rat-problem!
Yep, I've seen it! It's quite amazing what kinds of machines you gnomes can build. That rat won't return for quite a while, heh heh.
So, is my work finished for today?
Sure! You can go home now, I'll see you tomorrow!

And that's it for this update. Next update Wilbur will go on a *real* adventure, as a cage with a certain gremlin in it is going to land in the middle of our town and the gremlin gives him an important task...

If you want another update today, you better bring on the comments.

: x

Thanks for the update. Now, MOAR!!!

Tell us true, Jarl: will there be gnome-on-elf sex in this LP, yes or no?

Brother None said:

Tell us true, Jarl: will there be gnome-on-elf sex in this LP, yes or no?

Click to expand...

No.
The third hero of the game will use some incredibly awkward pickup lines on the elf chick, though.

Bring it on!

Gremlin looking for someone to find his artefact, Take 2




Another day is gone... and again, I haven't rescued any princesses, haven't fought any dragons and haven't slain any orcs. Well, I've chased a rat away, but not alone... a robot helped me. I think it will still take some time until my statue will stand beside that of Knight Thilo in the hall of heroes... but I will manage it!

Our heroic adventure is closer than we think, actually. On the way home, something unexpected comes from above...







Hey, you there! You have to get me out of here! I've been kidnapped by evil guys!
Eh?
Believe me, I have the key to something that could decide the war! Here, take this... [rummages in his pocket] This ring is the key!



Errrr... didn't he give that ring to princess Ivo? What the fuck? Maybe he just showed it to her and didn't hand it over because he thought he could deliver it himself. Well yeah, too bad his cage didn't burst when it hit the ground...

Deliver it to the archmage in the human city of Seefels! This is our only chance!
But...
I already hear the dragon approaching, take it!
I...
Do it, faggot.

And just as Wilbur takes the ring, the dragon comes and snatches the cage. The gremlin is captured again, and the fate of the world rests in the hands of Wilbur Wetterquarz the gnome... who doesn't even have any idea how to reach the city of Seefels.



I can't possibly travel to the sea, where the city of men lies, on my own. I need some help! I think I should ask my boss, or maybe my grandpa who used to fight for the alliance...

Hmm, grandpa used to be a soldier? Sounds good. He might be just the one to ask for advice regarding our world-saving quest.



Ahh, home sweet home. Let's take a look around. How about that chair? It looks like a normal chair, but it might be important! Let's see what happens if we repeatedly examine it.



It's a chair.
This chair is entirely uninteresting.
It's still a chair.
This chair is not going to help me in my quest. Not now and not later.
IT - IS - A - CHAIR. Really.
Okay, if you say so. It's a horse.
A nice, big, white horse.

You talking about me, son?
Er... what? No, actually it's just a chair. Who are you?
Just call me ANDYMAN! I'm a majestic white horse. I also have a huge horn. On my head, I mean.

Get the fuck out of here, Andyman. Why is it that when anyone mentions a majestic white horse, you appear? Anyway, let's get on with our quest. What about that big metal door?



This gate is part of pa's living room optimation unit. It's kinda like a parking house for rooms.

What this means is that we can use the levers on the left to open different rooms. Let's try the lever on the right first... it opens the kitchen. Let's open the cabinet and see what's in there.



Ah, super fertilizer! Might become useful, so we take it. What about that machine on the right?


Apparently it's an automatic mill for cereals. There's still some corn or something in there. Let's take it. Apparently it's barley.
Other pick-uppable things in the kitchen are a blue bottle of Master Merlin's Magical Kitchen Cleaner, which is kinda like the medieval fantasy version of Cillit Bang.

Do you see how grimy that penny is? Just dunk it into a tub of Cillit Bang, and it's shiny as new!

Yes, Barry, thank you, but I don't think we need to clean any pennies in that game. Thanks for the tip, though, if I ever need to clean a penny, I will buy some Cillit Bang.

There is also a scissors which we take with us. So, now we got: barley, kitchen cleaner, fertilizer and a pair of scissors. Let's use the next lever. That one will reveal our very own bedroom.


We'll just take the tennis bat (which doesn't have any strings in the hole anymore) and the backpack. Too bad we can't take the teddy bear. How about the next room, then?

I won't touch that one, it's my sister's room. She likes building armed robots and made it clear that she likes her privacy...

And the other one?

That's the lever for my parents' sleeping room. It's got a lock on it so I can't use it.

Ah. Too bad. What's up with that bronze ball on the floor, though? Huh.

It's my mechanical flying fish, Nemo! The only piece of machinery I've ever constructed by myself.


And it's still working! A solid piece of gnome engineering.

It sure is. If we try to catch it, Wilbur just says that he can’t reach it, though. We might need to find a way to get it… but let’s go downstairs first and pay a little visit to grandpa.

Wait! Who’s there?
It’s me, grandpa!
I don’t think so! What’s the parole?
Atomic First Strike, Sir!
Correct!
I’ve met a gremlin outside, grandpa. He’s given me a ring, and it’s important that I bring it to the human city of Seefels.
A ring? Have you checked it for contamination?
Contami-what? Err…
Curses? Hexes? Enchantments? Rigged explosives?
Errrr…
But of course you have, sonny. Nobody would take a ring from a gremlin without checking it first.
Heh. Sure. Anyway, it’s important to bring it to the human city of Seefels. It might win us the war, the gremlin said.
Win us the war, eh? Hmm… then you have to do this, of course! Every man on his post! You know what you have to do?
Err… no.
Alright. Here’s the plan: you get yourself some proper equipment, then I get you a good transportation, and then you can journey to the city of men!
Me? But… I thought… maybe someone else?
Someone else? This is your chance to become a tragic hero! A hero who sacrificed himself for the greater good of the Alliance! Go, get your equipment, I’ll take care of the rest.
What equipment do I need?
A helmet, of course. You can fight without legs, but without a head you can’t!
Err… without legs?
And you need a map, of course. Hmm, and a parachute, just to make sure you’re safe.

Alright, then. Let’s go fetch out equipment. A helmet, a parachute, and a map.
Now, let’s explore the room and take stuff that might be useful. There’s a silver elven rope, a mechanical arm and a chest of tools (we’ll just take the whole chest). So, among the things we need was a map, eh? I remember seeing a map in the tavern, so let’s go back there.



Outside, we see some sheets on the scaffolding. We’ll just take the one that’s lying on the ground. Might be useful for creating a parachute.



Brewermaster! Brewermaster!
Huh? What’s up?
A gremlin has given me this ring! It’s important that I bring it to the wizard in the city of humans! It might decide all our destinies!
A ring? What’s it supposed to do, then? It’s just a ring!
But…
Think about it, little one. Do you remember any instance where someone gave an important ring to an unskilled little gnome so he could save the world? Things just don’t happen like that!
Hmm, the brewer won’t be a lot of help to me, I guess…

Yeah, he prefers to sleep on his chair. And above the chair is the map that we could’ve used. If we try to pick it up, we wake the brewermaster. So we have to find a way to get the map without attracting his attention, or we have to somehow distract him. Hmm, distract? How about we make the rat-hunting robot go hunt the brewer? Let’s use the scissors we got from our kitchen on his beard, just to get a few hairs…



… and we got some DNA to feed the robot with! Now, into the kitchen. If we examine the cauldron, Wilbur remarks that he might use it as a helmet. But there’s still the aggressive slime in there… hmm, how can you remove toxic mutated slime from a cauldron?

Got a problem with magical mutated toxic slime in your kitchen? Just use some Cillit Bang, and it’s clean again!

Eh? This actually sounds like a good idea, Barry. Let’s try Merlin’s Magical Kitchen Cleaner on the slime.

Merlin’s Magical Kitchen Cleaner? Bah, it’s probably shit compared to Cillit Bang.

Shut up, Barry.
Hmm, apparently the slime is alive and tries to bite Wilbur if we try pouring the cleaner into the cauldron. But, we got the mechanical arm from grandpa’s lab, so let’s use it with the kitchen cleaner to get a longer reach.

Perfect for long-range attacks on dirt!
BANG, and the dirt is GONE!

No, not *that* kind of long-range attack, Derek.



We pour the stuff into the cauldron, and the slime melts away like… molten slime. Eh. Let’s just pick up the cauldron. Now we got ourselves a helmet! There’s also a net in the kitchen, we will put that into our inventory too. Now, off to feed the robot! We still got the week-old food leftovers to give him as fuel, so we do that. Now, let’s feed him some of the brewermaster’s DNA, heh heh heh…





The robot chased him into the kitchen, where they fought bittlery… and the brewer won.

The eternal struggle between dwarf and machine! Hah, that was a lot of fun. I have to celebrate this!

And how else does a dwarf celebrate than by drinking beer? Mission accomplished, we got him away from the chair and back behind the bar, where he’s filling himself up again. Now we can easily take the map and will only need a parachute. Let’s ask the brewer.

Would you know where to get a parachute?
Parachute? Heh heh, that was a good one.

Nope, he can’t help us. So… I think we’ll have to do it ourselves! We’ll just combine our backpack with the sheet and with the elven rope, and we got ourselves a makeshift parachute! Now, back to grandpa, we’re ready to go save the world!

Colonel grandpa, I got all the equipment!
Hmm yes… that’s a good helmet, it will protect you well… well, unless the enemy uses dragons, or magical weapons, or hits you on the head. That parachute looks good. Hopefully it’s of high quality. You wouldn’t want to trust your life to something you’ve just put together in a makeshift way, would you?
Err… right.
But I do need something before we can start. I need something highly explosive. Dwarfish beer would be good for that. It’s really strong. And I need a 5-inch-double-square-screwdriver. Get me those things.

Alright then. We got our equipment, but we still have to help grandpa before he can finish our transportation device. We’ll do that in the next update, though. That’s it for today!

Meh, the jokes relied way too heavily on pop culture references for me to be really enjoyable. But please do carry on. Might still be educational.

JarlFrank said:

I already hear the dragon approaching, take it!

I...

Do it, faggot.

Click to expand...

Love gramps too. Crazy bugger.

This is fun!

Is it wrong that I want to have dirty, dirty sex with her?

Also the last two updates have been real gnome heavy.

oldmanpaco said:

Also the last two updates have been real gnome heavy.

Click to expand...

Next update will have the gome, too. After that, it's the elf chick again.

Brother None said:

JarlFrank said:

I already hear the dragon approaching, take it!

I...

Do it, faggot.

Click to expand...

Love gramps too. Crazy bugger.

This is fun!

Click to expand...

Did he actually say "Do it faggot" or was this your addition Jarl ?

Nice (but small) boobs save this game I think.

Do continue, Herr JarlFrank.

Here we are, in grandpa's lab. Now we need to bring him some dwarven beer as fuel, and some... er... mechanical thingie so he can finish our transportation vehicle. Was it a tool? Or was it some kind of gear? I can't remember. But since being in possession of a toolbox doesn't give us the dilaogue option of "I have the tool!", I think it's a gear or something. And where can we find that? Hmm... maybe in some machine? Where can we find a machine?



Oh, yeah, right, the mechanical flying fish! We can't catch it with our hands, though, it's too fast. We can't use the mechanical arm either. So what can we use? Hmm, we have a tennis bat without strings... we have a net... let's combine the net with the tennis bat to get a fish-catching device!



And we got the fish! Let's just use the tools on the fish and we can get the mechanical part we need.

Nope, doesn't work. The fish is still moving and I can't loosen the screws when he does that...

Oh, okay. Oh well. Let's go to the brewermaster then to get the beer. But first, let's take a look at that picture on the wall which we've missed before:



Wilbur's family. They *all* look like psychopaths, to be honest. Would fit right into the Codex. Anyway, back to the tavern. While outside, we'll also put an icicle into our inventory. You never know when you might need an icicle.



Anyway, let's get the beer:

Master brewer, do you have some Dwarven Strongbeer?
Strongbeer? Nope, that one has been illegal ever since the explosion at the brewery mountain...
You mean the volcanic eruption?
Heh heh, nope. That wasn't a volcano, someone just did something horribly wrong in the strongbeer brewery. Ah, I still remember when dad first took me to that brewery... it was great. You can't imagine how drunk we were!
Hmm... I think I can.
Anyway, since that event, Strongbeer can only be legally used in war and alchemy. We're not allowed to have it in taverns anymore. Aah, how I miss its strong taste!
But... you know how to brew it, don't you?
Of course! I'm the brewermaster! First, you blah blah blah (a LOT of complicated beer brewing related stuff that I can't be arsed to translate). That's the simple part, then it becomes more complicated...
Err, okay, I think I just drop the idea of brewing it on my own... could *you* brew some for me?
I could, but I won't. It's illegal.
So? Not many dwarves visit us up here, anyway. Who would notice? Also, don't you want something special to celebrate your victory over the robot?
True, I'd really like one. Okay, I'll do it, but you have to bring me the ingredients. Some barley, some hops, and some crystal-clear mountain water!

Barley, hops, mountain water. Should be pretty straightforward. We already got the barley and can give it to the brewer. The mountain water shouldn't be too difficult either: outside, we picked some icicles. We just have to put them into the teapot we've picked up in the beginning, then put the teapot on the hot stove in the kitchen.



Shouldn't take long till the icicle is melted. The stove is still warm. Ah, there we go! Now we got some crystal-clear water!

Perfect. Now for the hops. Where can we find hops? Let's ask the brewer, he should know. He's a brewer, after all.

Do you know where I can get some hops?
Nah, no idea. The rat has eaten almost five bags of mine, so I can't give you any.
Hmm, the rat...

Hmm, the rat? Okay then. Let's check the rat's hole.

Hmm, there's something round in there... I hope it's not rat poo. *grabs* Ah, it's one pice of hop! Not much, though... definitely not enough to brew beer.

Not enough, eh? Well then, why don't we go back home and make use of our super fertilizer! We put the single hop into the flowerpot, then pour the fertilizer over it...



That seems to be a really good fertilizer!

Yeah, it is. We definitely got enough hops now! Back to the brewer.

Ah, yes, that's good stuff. I hope you didn't take any of *my* hops, though!
Er... indirectly, I did.
Let me just go and brew the beer...



And there we got the beer! Now we only need to get the mechanical part that is in our mechanical fish. Let's get back to grandpa's lab. There's a vice down there, so we put the fish into it. Now it shouldn't struggle anymore if we try to open it up with our tools.



Yeah, we got it. Now we should report to Colonel Grandpa. We're ready to go to the city of humans!

Here's the beer and the mechanical part! I had to destroy my flying fish to get it...
War always requires sacrifice, my son! Your fish was a hero. One of the best. We shall always remember him. Anyway, you're ready for the takeoff now.
Err... takeoff??



Yes! I've aimed it at the city of humans.
Aimed it?
Yes, actually it should've been used to shoot bombs, but I am quite sure that it will also manage to transport you to the human city.
You are "quite sure"? That... doesn't sound very safe. Can I go out and... think about it?
You're doing something very brave and heroic there, my boy! We will all remember you as a great hero. Here, I got something for you.
Your old pilot glasses? Thanks, grandpa!
*closes the window-hole and starts the machine* Off you go!

*BANG*

Good luck!

And now, CUTSCENE TIME



THE OMINOUS FORTRESS OF THE EVIL GUYS



Er, here's the gremlin professor, mother.
Good. Does anyone else know about the artefact?
Er... actually, yes. An elven girl.
WHAT?
Er... well, I don't think she'll be of any danger to us. The archwizard doesn't know anything. And we shall, of course, keep an eye out for the girl.
Good. Let me interrogate him now...

TENTACLE RAEP INCOMING OHMIGODZ

And in our next update, it's elfchick time again. Bring on page 2 so I can do the next update!

ghostdog said:

Brother None said:

JarlFrank said:

I already hear the dragon approaching, take it!

I...

Do it, faggot.

Click to expand...

Love gramps too. Crazy bugger.

This is fun!

Click to expand...

Did he actually say "Do it faggot" or was this your addition Jarl ?

Click to expand...

While 90% of the humour is translated from the original game dialogues, I do occasionally add my own inputs to make it more Codexian.

So nah, he didn't actually say it.

Wilbur's family. They *all* look like psychopaths, to be honest. Would fit right into the Codex.

Click to expand...

The little girl especially. She's going to kill somebody with that wrench someday.

Let's get back to grandpa's lab. There's a vice down there

Click to expand...

There could be. Who knows what grandpa's doing there all day long.

oldmanpaco said:

Is it wrong that I want to have dirty, dirty sex with her?

Click to expand...

Wrong? Nah. It just makes you a pedophile.