Let's play Crimewave

I AIN'T






EVEN






MAD






LP COMING SOON. BE READY.

I remember completing this game...

Just look at those sunglasses. You can see his a dude who takes no shit..

Phelot! Bro! Go forth to kick ass and chew bubble-gum.

Shit, this looks promising!

MOAR!!!

While the game was fun, I can't see how an LP would work. It was basically a pure side-shooter. Color me intrigued.

Due to technical difficulties, we will not be able to proceed with this LP for a bit. For this very same reason, we will not be able to refund your payment. Please be patient.

LOL, FAGOT...

WHAT technical difficulties?

Please elaborate. Spekkio here makes work games on platform that aren`t supposed to work.

You`ll have all the technical experience of Fair Codexia at your disposal...unless you`re selling us pathetic excuses...

Please be patient, real life caught up to me again and I don't have the time to go through and post all these pics along with witty and humorous commentary you've all come to expect from this glorious website. Rest assured, there are almost tits in this game:



SO LAY OFF THE PHEL-MAN

Next few days. Honest. HONEST!

I remember watching folks play this game in the computer lab in high school, the almost naked lady always got a 'Dayum" from someone. At its time, it was a very violent game.

Where do you buy sweet sunglasses like that? Most shops just have endless supplies of $200 branded generic shit.

Oh man, I so want to see this LP. You better deliver Phel-man !

AND NOW...








A BURNING FUCKING BUILDING!


ACCESS. ACCESS TO AWESOME


SCREAMING MEN. SUNGLASSES. BITCHES. BLACK HOMIES. NINJAS


ARE YOU DREAMING? FUCK NO ITS CRIMEWAVE


AWESOME CITYSCA- Actually, I guess I can stop with the extreme talk since the game more then makes up for it. Basically, this is a crappy side scroller made in 1990 that featured videos of the Prez's hawt daughter tied up and half naked.

PROLOGUE: SHE'S TIGHT


"Poweder room" is code for "I'm horny" Chelsea Clinton never dressed like that.


The young, nubile daughter suddenly runs into RAPE




SO... Our enemy has a name. Eddie.


"Those clowns didn't have a clue what happened"

"We'll be at the warehouse in about five minutes."

MEANWHILE ON THE CRIMEWAVE TELEVISION NETWORK:


MEANWHILE: Lucas "99 Problems" McCabe, an Irish-American of short stature, is on a mission to steal as much cocaine and money from criminals as he can. To save the children.




If I save her...


...She'll have to have sex with me.






KINGPIN?!
"Yes?"




Nothing... With a tough opponent, McCabe retreats to his inner dark sanctum... And thinks in silence for a moment.




McCabe's magic talking tape recorder whizzes and whirls


Being a perv, McCabe downloads nudie pics of the Prez' daughter, Brit. A little known fact: Everytime a President is elected in America, nude photos are taken of their immediate daughters so super secret crime fighters know who to look for if they are ever captured.


"SINGLE! Oh boy! Computer, do you think she'd like me? DO you think I'll finally lose my virginity?"

*BEEP* *BOOP* *BOOP*

"Oh... um... do you think she's been with any black men?"

...

"...Nevermind, let's download her nudie pics!"

"My God..."


"Moar..."


"Moar angles!"


"MOAR!"


"MOAR MOAR MOAR!"





Sexually satisfied, Luke McCabe moves on to track those that took his lover to be.




"Hmmm... I'll need more angles..."


"Moar... MOAR ANGLES. I NEED THEM"


"MOAR MOAR"


*BEEP*

"Um... yes well, I needed a good look... to see if I can figure out what kind of sunglasses he has on. They're not as good as mine... Ahem"







Grimdark smoking... but it gets even better. Didn't I mention drugs before?






AAAAAAAND finally we're at the main game screen. Crimewave features the world's first and ever "Crime Boss Perspective" in which the game plays on via the perspective of Kingpin's super security system... that he has installed in ghettoes and other assorted shitholes. For some reason.

You'll also notice to the right all the shit that McCabe will be stealing from Kingpin including missiles, bullets, $$$, and of course cocaine: McCabe's fuel and source of mad points that grant him extra lives. FUCK YEAH COKE! Actually, thats what the cash does to, but he uses that on hookers and new shades.





"NO PROB KP!" What kind of Kingpin let's his goons talk to him like that? I also like to assume that those are mullets that these guys are sporting along with jumpsuits that say "KINGPIN" just so they remember who they're working for. This is essentially what real life organized crime is like.


And that's it for now. That's right, no actual gameplay yet mostly because this shit is time consuming and because taking screenshots in game is incredibly difficult, but I'm getting them. Next update, you'll find out just how bad games can be... stay tuned for:

CHAPTER 1: WE PLAY THE ACTUAL GAME

You'll never get to the Kingpin. With all the firepower and men they have, the mansion is virtually impenetrable.

This game is unbelievable. MOAR !

When I saw this thread I was like 'being that this is the Codex I bet that thread is about some shithouse crime sim from the mid 90s instead of that SUPER AWESOME side scroller of the same name.' But then I clicked on it and

HOLY SHIT

Those glasses are awesome. This game is so cheesy it stinks through the net. But its a good pain.

Can I ask for screenshots without the dosbox frame?



You can use internal dosbox screenshot utility (ctrl+f5) or use external programs like HypersnapDX or Fraps...

Except of that:

spekkio said:

Can I ask for screenshots without the dosbox frame?



You can use internal dosbox screenshot utility (ctrl+f5) or use external programs like HypersnapDX or Fraps...

Except of that:

Click to expand...

The problem I have is if I take a screenshot in fullscreen, all the colors turn all inverted and rainbow like, no matter what program I use.

I originally started taking them in DOSBOX, but trying to push ctrl+f5 is pretty tough in this game plus it takes it as a png... I know I can convert it, but I'm pressed for time...

Where is the config file that lets you set key mapping in DOSBOX?

Isn't there a pause button for it as well?


Yeah, there probably need to be some avatars from this game even if it is an action game

I'm not sure if you can modify such options in DosBox. If you tried other programs and they didn't work, carry on the good fight even with the DosBox window visible. As long as tits are in, everything goes...