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Let's Play Magna Mundi: Pakistan Ascendant

Giant douche or turd sandwich?

  • Sikhism

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  • Religion of Peace

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Joined
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Messages
935
Location
The President of France
Part 1: The New Khan.

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Baluchistan. A rugged and harsh country. The gateway to India. There is little promise here. The men are fierce, but they squabble and feud with each other. The varied tribal leaders are experienced, stern men, but they are individually of no significance to the outside world. There are very few major settlements. A handful dot the Indus river, but they are more tributaries than subjects. It will take a great leader to unite the Baluchi tribes and lead them to glorious war against the settled peoples. A greater leader still, to make something lasting out of such a war.

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At the center of all this is Shahak Khan. Although he has been crowned Shah of Baluchistan, many tribes do not formally or practically accept his authority. He has but a few followers, and his fellow monarchs all look down upon him. Worse still, many ignore him entirely. This does not befit the Khan of such a proud people, but Shahak Khan is old. He is heading into his sixties, and he was never the greatest of leaders to begin with. There is no clear heir. When Shahak Khan dies, Baluchistan will most likely erupt into all out tribal warfare. Then, all lies in the hands of God.

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Baluchistan is a relatively small country, especially for the swift Baluchi horse nomads. The bonds of family and honour hold true for those tribes that are not feuding or fighting each other. At the very least, Shahak can know who his friends and enemies are. The foe with a blade at your throat is less deadly than the friend with a knife in your back.

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A product of the harsh lifestyle of the nomad, Shahak Khan is at least the equal of the other Khans. Were he a lesser man, his reign would have been short lived indeed. His title, Shah of Baluchistan, is more a product of being slightly more powerful than every other Khan. The balance of power is fragile, but so long as Shahak lives it will hold.

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Though he is still strong despite his old age, the Shah's sword is weak, and his quiver empty. Not enough men, never enough men. A few thousand should be sufficient for now. If the the tribes will not submit they will be destroyed. Shahak sends word to all the tribes under his authority. An army is to be assembled.

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And after that? The civilized lands are rich and prosperous. Their fat, decadent rulers know little of the harsh ways of the nomad, until they are made subject to that lifestyle by conquest. When the tribes are united, what could stop them from pouring forth and claiming all that they set their sights upon as their own? The Baluchis are strong, and the settled peoples are weak. Still, they have strength in their own way. There are many obstacles, but that makes the plunder all the more worthwhile.

To the East lies India. A decadent land of many Sultans and Princes, populated by city dwellers and farmers of both Muslim and Infidel stock. Delhi and the other great cities of India, are prizes handed down from God himself. Perhaps, when God wills it, a great and terrible Khagan will lead his tribes to that city, forging a fearsome blood-born Empire for the Baluchi people. Shahak is old, but there is never a shortage of bold and ambitious men.

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Of more immediate significance are the great Khans to the North and West. Those who, though the efforts of they or their forefathers, have brought all the tribes of their lands under their rule. Many have abandoned the nomad's life for that of the civilized monarch. They are strong and rich, ruling the Eastern heartlands of Islam. Khorasan is of considerable interest, as the Khan of Khorasan holds lands that rightfully belong to the Baluchi people. Other notables are the Khans of the Qara Koyunhu Turks and of Samarkand and Transoxiana. All are potential allies and likely enemies.

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The Khan decides to make friends. Khorasan are destined to be enemies of the Baluchis, as long as they hold Baluchi land, although the Khan does not wish to press his claims yet. Friends or enemies, Shahak must remain wary of his treacherous fellows, lest he awaken one night with a dagger in his neck.

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Shahak enters into a coalition with Chagatayid Khan and the Qara Koyunhu. An alliance of paper and deceit. They are not to be trusted.

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Suddenly, the Khan finds himself in a position of some regional power. Both friends and enemies are forced to take notice of this rag-tag assembly of harsh mounted tribesmen.

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The tribes are crying for blood. The Khorasani Khan holds lands that are rightfully Shahak's. Shahak is eager for war, but he is old and beginning to tire. His ability to rule is being called into question, despite his recent diplomatic success.

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Raiders and warriors to the core, why should the tribes care for some written pact with a faraway Sultan? With thousands of loyal fighting men already at his command, Shahak's diplomatic maneuvering can only be considered a sign of weakness and cowardice by the tribes.

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Every man has gotten to where he is through blood and war. Those are what define men, not petty politicking or civilized indulgences. The character of the tribes is defined by conflict and struggle. Conflict with each other, conflict with foreign peoples, and above all conflict with nature. Perhaps this might change one day, when the tribes of Baluchistan prosper. For now, the Baluchis expect a Khan, not a Diplomat.

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Combat, victory, and survival against adversity. Those are what matter. The tribes of Baluchistan have, through the seemingly endless strings of raids and tribal wars, developed the skills and techniques by which they can survive their brutal lifestyle. As all nomads are taught, copulation with a goat can restore the vitality of even the most bloodied and exhausted man. His soul will be filled with the love that only a goat can give. Goats are precious to the nomad. Abundant goat harems are kept, but marching these alongside nomadic armies is difficult. Equally difficult is finding goats in foreign settled lands, where the locals might kill or evacuate their valuable goat herds.

This is a problem that has vexed many nomadic peoples, for goats are vital to them. The Baluchis need not worry about separation from the beautiful creatures. Through years of collective experience, techniques have been developed to keep goats in the field, and to more effectively scavenge for goats. This greatly improves the health and morale of any Baluchi army.

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Shahak Khan attempts to pursue negotiations with the tribal leaders of Northern Baluchistan, rather than risking a bloody campaign in such difficult terrain. The tribal leaders refuse to accept Shahak as their Khan. This damage to his already declining authority is compounded by his hesitation to war.

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Shahak, enraged beyond the point of self control, chooses to make an example out of some of the more unruly Baluchi tribes. They are slaughtered. Surrounding tribes fall into line, but the Shah begins to slide into ill health.

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While this goes on, independent bands of nomads raid in and out of India, creating external tension.

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The raiders meet with many victories though. Some tribes are made ambitious by their new wealth, while others look to Shahak to lead them in their attacks.

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Age begins to tighten its grip over the Khan's old heart. A particularly bad fever forces the Khan to cede some authority to local tribes, lest they attack in his moment of severe weakness. As life begins to slip from his fingers, so too does power begin to slip from his grasp. The succession is brought into question. Without any particularly competent or influential children, the Khan lacks a strong heir.

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Another Baluchi Khan will likely seek to claim the title of Shah. God forbid, a foreign Khan may come into possession of the crown. Events further from home only add to this growing worry.

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Finally, after a severe fit of coughing, God gathers up the old Shah into his arms. An enormous power vacuum is left in his place. The tribes all prepare for war, an obvious eventuality they think. The minor tribes ally with the major Clans. The war is short, and the winner was an unexpected candidate, so say the least.

Riding hard down from the mountains, a few hundred horsemen manage to destroy army after army, winning many battles against the Baluchi tribes. At the head of this tiny warband was the son of an obscure mountain Khan. None could best him in single combat, nor could his army be bested. All who spoke to him were befuddled and entranced by the almost divine way in which he spoke. All who fought him were either destroyed or subjugated. In later Baluchi legends, his father is none other than God himself. All successive Baluchi monarchs would derive legitimacy from his dynasty. It would be his legacy that would give the Baluchis what their traditional Khans could never give them. An Empire.

After much fighting, all of the Baluchi tribes are forced to put aside their personal feuding to face this strange and seemingly invincible invader. In a glorious clash along the Indus river, the invader's army is entirely destroyed. In hindsight, one could consider this defeat as intentional. So amazing, so awe inspiring was the sight of the invader in battle, that the tribal leaders were compelled to his service. With fire in their hearts and loot in their eyes, they swear unquestioning devotion to the invader and his dynasty.
The invader humbly accepts each individual oath of loyalty. A speech is delivered to the Baluchi Nomads. It is said that this speech was so stirring, that it removed the fear of death and pain from all who heard it. Many centuries later, those who read of the speech are often brought to tears, even despite the apparent lack of meaning in the words. This self made monarch is crowned both Shah and Khagan of Baluchistan. In his simple white robe and taqiya, he mounts his steed and gallops off, all of Baluchistan riding hard behind him. Only God knows where he came from, or why he came to Baluchistan. Perhaps it was divinely ordained, it is such mystery that makes his legend so enthralling. As he rides on, the thousands of nomads at his back all raise a single cry in unison, shouting to the heavens the name of their Shah.

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"ANDHAIRA! ANDHAIRA! ANDHAIRA!"
 

Vaarna_Aarne

Notorious Internet Vandal
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
34,585
Location
Cell S-004
MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
Infantryman said:
Andhairavid Empire... I can't stop laughing :lol:. You really should adopt some special national ideas apart from Goatphilia, like DISCUSS :lol:.
Oh, we have plenty of little details discussed for you. (I kinda helped Faggot with stuff, I made the flag file for example)

EDIT: Also, Andhaira's introduction was absolutely awesome. I still laugh at it.
 
Self-Ejected

Jack

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Insert Title Here
Absolutely hilarious and very entertaining LP.
Bump for a continuation.
 
Joined
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Messages
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Location
The President of France
Of Goats and Men.

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One must wonder how all do not bow down in fear and awe before the might of Andhaira Khan. With hindsight his greatness and power seem obvious. Perhaps the lustful sorcery of the goat herds block his mighty influence. The few tribes within Baluchistan that do not kneel before the authority of the Shah must be brought into line by sword and bow. That is the only language they can speak with any measure of articulacy. Andhaira is fluent in many tongues and dialects.

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Andhaira and his loyal nomads gallop over their lesser tribesmen. Inspired by their white robed leader, the notion of death seemed incomprehensible. The concept of retreat a bizarre blasphemy. The emerald magnificence of Andhaira is impressed upon the remaining tribes. They are assimilated into the Baluchi hordes.

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The mountains of Baluchistan now pay tribute to the Shah, but the world does not yet pay tribute to the mountains.

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The Shah is drawn from glorious battle by the inane diplomatic meanderings of foreign states. The fat, incompetent Sultan of Delhi seeks an alliance. His intent is clear. He seeks to use Andhaira as a puppet. A puppet! Andhaira the mighty and glorious, rightful Khagan of the Baluchis and Shah of Baluchistan, a puppet!? What foolishness. Let the fat Sultan have his alliance. His crown does not bestow immortality. He will die, either at the hands of Andhaira or the hands of God. After that, Delhi will surely make a brilliant emerald upon the Andhairavid crown.

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Many loyal tribal leaders adopted the name of Andhaira, almost as a title, alongside their traditional family names. Andhaira would become the most common name in Baluchistan for centuries to come. Andhaira himself married many beautiful Baluchi women, cementing his legitimacy with the clans. Amongst the most beautiful of his wives was Fatima Andylocue. No images of her survived for more than a couple of centuries after her death. It is said that she was strong and fierce, yet beautiful. Her hair was described as a black mane. Her legs and arms were muscular, and her skin of a pale brown. Some texts involving Fatima can be surprisingly lewd. This provides a rare glimpse into Andhaira's sexual life. One text from the 16th century detailed how Andhaira "(R)ode Andylocue into battle against Rajput war elephants".

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Horsemen from Khorasan! Turks are raiding Baluchistan!

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Hah! Worthless scum. But now the tribes cry out for blood. Perhaps it is just as well that war no longer needs to be sought. Vengeance will be had. The Khan of Khorasan will be humbled, and all the of the Baluchis shall be united under the Andhairavid banner!

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War! The sport of Kings!

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The fat Sultan abandons his "pact" like the miscarriage he should have been. This is not of much significance. The Shah is surely better off without the help of treacherous scum. The cowardice of the Chagatayid Khan is disappointing. The bravery of the White Sheep Turkomans is admirable. They will not come out of this war well, but they honoured their word. They will die as warriors without a cowards guilt. They are better for it.

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The Andhairavid horde numbers some 15,000 men, with one third of that in reserve. They are fast, light and maneuverable soldiers. They are well suited to the harsh landscape of Khorasan. In battle they are magnificent soldiers, but they can still die. Reckless arrogance is the way of the imbecile, not the warrior.

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Victory comes swiftly, but this is merely a prelude. To the west! An army marches into the homeland. By God, they will be halted. Under the leadership of Andhaira I Andhairavid, mightiest of all living men, the Baluchi horde cannot fail. The enemy Khan shall not check Andhaira's glory.

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The Khorasani army numbers some nine thousand men. There are more to come, but best to strike hard now while their forces are divided. With fresh goats and fiery hearts, the great Shah Andhaira and his majestic horde thunder on. The sounds of hoof beats will scourge the enemy from God's sight.

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The victory is hard earned but total. There is still much more to come...
 

kazgar

Arcane
Joined
Apr 23, 2008
Messages
2,164
Location
Upside Down
I was looking forward to the slow spread of brown over the middle east, but then it went all M. Night Shyamalan there with the twist. May the emerald empire shine into history and goats be plentiful for everyone.
 
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
935
Location
The President of France
The tribal gathering event. Until i start consolidating power and heading towards monarchy, i get 3k cavalry and 2k infantry at the start of a war.
 

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