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CALL OF JAGGED ALLIANCE 2: BLACK OPS(For a Few Collars More)

ironyuri

Guest
Dear Codexians, welcome to my LP of CALL OF JAGGED ALLIANCE 2: BLACK OPS.

I will not be using the V. 1.13 mod as I have no experience with it and feel it would make doing an LP more difficult for me in the long term. I will however be playing JA2 v 1.12 on expert, ironman, tons of guns and realistic.

To complete this endeavour I present to you the cybernegro that will lead a team of fellow cybernegroes to victory over Deidranna, I give you:

COCK COMMANDER SHEPARD

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Our tale begins in the poor South-Mexo-Central-North American Island Nation of Arulco which suffers under the yoke of the bitch from hell, Queen Deidranna:

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Her troops roll into rebel villages to pacify enemies of the foul regime

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Civilians and poor farmers are slaughtered. An outrage.

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Meanwhile, on a rainy night in a shady Prague cafe:

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Enrico: We've got a dire situation on our hands, compadre! Deidranna has cracked down on the coca farmers and as a result, world cocaine supplies have dropped significantly...
Shady figure: Do you have any idea what this means? Commander Shepard won't be pleased...
Enrico: I know... we might just be able to use this to our advantage. Have you brought the dossier?
Shady figure: Yes, sir.

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Meanwhile, somewhere north of the border:


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Shepard: BITCH! What kind of shit did you cut this blow with? Where did you get this shit?

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Hooker: They told me it's all they had... nothing's coming in from Arulco Shep... I mean, Cock Commander...

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Shepard: Arulco, huh? Some political crackers fucking with the Cock Commander's supply... Looks like I'm going to have to collar grab a sucker!


INTRODUCING: THE BLACK OPS TEAM

CYBERNEGROES WITH A TASTE FOR BLOOD

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Shortly:

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Shepard: I hear you're putting an ops team together to collar grab that bitch Deidranna in Arulco. Well, the Cock Commander wants a piece of the action! My team's ready to hit the ground, just say the word... *hangs up*

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Shepard: That was some ride, now let's lock and load bros.

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Ice: We got bad guys here, Shepard...

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Shepard: Looks like you need to stay frosty.... Ice...

:yeah:


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Shepard: COME CLOSER SO I CAN GRAB YOUR COLLAR, SUCKA!

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Blood: I'm taking alot of heat, Commander!

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Shepard: The Cock Commander demands that every cybernegro does his duty! Suppress them! :monocle:

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Ice: Engaging the bad guys, Shepard!

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Shepard: Save some for Shepard!

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Ice: Enemy neutralised, Commander!

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Shepard: You, woman, I'm looking for the Arulcan rebels! Don't even think about fucking with me.

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Fatima: Enrico Chivaldori sent you? Oh my... We had given up hope...

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Shepard: Well you don't need hope anymore, you have the Cock Commander and his band of cybernegroes! Now, show me to this "Miguel".

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Miguel: You... you say Chivaldori sent you? The hubris! We have struggled against Deidranna for months... I have lost many fine comrades and he sends me three negroes? What do you think you can do to help us in Arulco, Commander? Do you think you can achieve what the will of the people cannot?

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Shepard: Listen, Miguel, these are two of the finest cybernegroes ever built. Just point me at Deidranna and step aside, because if you or any of your men get in my way, I won't hesitate to drop you. From now on, you play by the Cock Commander's rules.

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Miguel: ... How dare you! Men, I order you to shoo-

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Shepard: *punches Miguel in the stomach* Stow your shit, wetback. Come on, bros, let's get out of here, we've got work to do...


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Ira: Shepard! Wait! I want to join you....

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Shepard: Ice, Blood... you know the rules. First the Cock Commander, then the rank and file.

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Ice: Yes, commander...

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Blood: ........

Next: The Cock Commander needs an airfield.

Post-script: Just incase I didn't make it quite clear, the LP is called Black Ops because I will only be using negroid party members. I may however consider using Slavs, as an argument could be made that they are 'potato niggers', the negroes of Europe. If some of our fine eugenicists and phrenologist Codexers can convince me, I will add some potatoes to Shepard's squad. If I lose squad members, I may have to...
 

ironyuri

Guest
En route to Drassen Airfield, Shepard and his team are waylaid by one of Deidranna's fire teams...

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Ice: Commander! Fire team incoming! We need to find a defensive position.

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Shepard: There's a farmhouse up ahead! Move inside, barricade the door and take up firing positions at the windows!

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Ice: Commander, these civilians have hidden a stash of American dollars under the bed...


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Shepard: We need that money more than they do! Confiscate anything you find, they can consider it repayment when we kick that bitch Deidranna's ass out of this backwater Banana Republic!

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Blood: Commander, Deidranna has declared herself Queen, technically this is a Banana Constitutional Monarchy...

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Shepard: I don't give a shit what the government system of the place is! All we're here to do is grab some collars and tear everything down!

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Blood: .......


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Ice: Commander! They're coming!

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Shepard: Alright. Check your six!

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Shepard: GET SOME MOTHERFUCKERS! I CAN GRAB COLLARS ALL DAY!

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Shepard: Looks like they're running scared! We need to hunt what's left into the fields. Ira, get word to Miguel, the farmer's going to need some bodybags to clean this mess up. Ice, you're on point!

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Ice: They're all over me, Commander! If I make it out of this alive it'll be a miracle!

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Shepard: Ice, you need to chill the fuck out!

:yeah:

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Shepard: GET SOME!

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Shepard: I'm taking out these fuel dumps, the enemy can't use them if we burn them up! Bahahahaaha! *automatic fire*


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Blood: Commander! What about the farmers? They need that fuel!

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Shepard: They should just be thankful I don't declare them hostile. Let's go, we have an airfield waiting for us.


MEANWHILE>............>

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Actually next: THE COCK COMMANDER WANTS AN AIRFIELD
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
Plenty of Black Powers. Damn, I can't wait for Gus and Vicki to make an appearance...and Bubba. And mothafuckin' Magic. You dig?
 

Darth Roxor

Royal Dongsmith
Staff Member
Joined
May 29, 2008
Messages
1,878,406
Location
Djibouti
More like Dymano.

And anyway, second update was not trying too hard as much as first. You may continue :smug:
 

Phelot

Arcane
Joined
Mar 28, 2009
Messages
17,908
Too bad you can't change all the enemies to be white people. Damn white people!

Anyway, nice so far :salute:

EDIT: Of course now all the ads are for Afro-Centric dating services.
 

ironyuri

Guest
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Shepard: Alright. Let's do this quick and clean! Blood, we're moving in from the north through the wire. Ice, take point. We'll herd them toward the gate, you clean them up. Classic pincer movement.

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Ice: Got you, Shepard.

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Shepard: See you on the other side, Ice. Stay cool.

:yeah:

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Ira: Commander, what about me?

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Shepard: You stay the fuck back. The battlefield is no place for women, least of all white trust funders looking for something more exciting than the Peace Corps. If I see you anywhere near the front, you'll wish you were back home with mom n pop.

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Ira: ........

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Ice: Well, I guess they know we're here now... I just hope Shepard had enough time to get into position...

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Ice: How many more of these fuckers can there be?

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Shepard: You think one shot is enough to take the Cock Commander down?! I eat lead for breakfast, SUCKA!

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Shepard: And stay the fuck down!

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Ice: God damnit, Shepard.... I'm running out of bullets here.

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Shepard: Next time I'll smile at you before I shoot, give you a fair chance to see me coming.

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Shepard: Looks like you missed your plane, sucka!

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Shepard: Alright, let's check the bodies for anything we can use. Ira, you say one of the Queen's thugs runs the airport?

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Ira: That's right commander, he won't do anything for the locals without a bribe...

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Shepard: Sounds like work for Shepard.

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Shepard: Daaaaamn, Paco. You're one greasy Mexican... And if there's one thing I hate, it's a greasy taco.

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________________________________________

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Shepard: Alright, let's move into sector B. One of the locals says that Deidranna's got a factory in the area, we should investigate it once we clear the town. Blood, you're on point.

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Blood: He never saw it coming...

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Shepard: Blood, Ice, clear the alley to the left. I'll head toward the factory. Ira, sit tight and don't fuck up.

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The enemy tries to sneak up on Blood, Ice takes him from the flank.

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Blood moves to occupy the cantina, takes out a straggler.... Meanwhile:

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Shepard: Come to Shepard, motherfucker! HEADSHOT!


{I seem to have missed taking a screenshot here, but Shepard was pinned down by two enemies in the patch of trees as above. He took several shots and was at 30/83 HP when Ice managed to take out the prone enemy, I got Shepard bandaging himself while Blood moved in to eliminate his other attacker. Shepard went full Rambo and nearly paid the ultimate price here....}

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Shepard: Ah shit... they got me pinned down, I'm taking fire! Where the fuck are the chest high walls when you need them?

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Ice: I got your back, Commander! Blood, move up!

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Shepard: This looks like the factory... God damn, she's using children as slaves... This is the kind of shit the Cock Commander just won't stand, motherfuckers!

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Shepard: If this is a private company, I guess you can call this a hostile takeover, bitch! Bahahaha! *automatic fire*

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Ice: Commander, she's dead, you can stop shooting!

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Shepard: .... I .... Damn that felt good. Shit, I think I opened one of those wounds... fuck, the Cock Commander aint got time to bleed, we need to take the final sector before the Queen can bring in reinforcements! Let's move, people!
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
...u shd've punched her bro. what a waste of bullets.
 

ironyuri

Guest
Just a note:


Any character sheet inconsistencies are because I've had to restart after savegame corruption, now that I've got the GOG copy working properly and reloading my games properly, it shouldn't be an issue anymore. Will have the final Drassen assault up later this evening.
 

m_s0

Arcane
Joined
Jun 18, 2009
Messages
1,289
More like Dymano.
potatoseal.jpg


these two need fixing:
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Ice: Well, I guess they know we're here now... I just hope Shepard had enough time to get into position...

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Ice: How many more of these fuckers can there be?

carry on :salute:
 

ironyuri

Guest
Drassen Mine: Final Assault

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Shepard: Alright, people, we've got to hit Deidranna's forces hard in the final sector. If we don't fuck this up we might even have time for some sleep.

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Shepard: Take up positions in the church, that's where we're supposed to meet Miguel's contact!

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Ice: We got incoming, Commander!

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Shepard: Take them down!

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Shepard: If we stay in here we'll be sitting ducks, get the fuck out and stay low! Blood, circle around the church while I flank north!

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Blood: I got you right where I want you...

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Shepard: Motherfucker! Can't a cybernegro get a drink in god damned peace?

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Shepard: The Cock Commander is always on target.

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Shepard: Listen up, motherfucker! I don't give a shit what the people think. They don't like me? They can tell it to my gun. Just make sure they remember who kicked the Queen out of this shithole of yours!


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Ice: Commander, we've got 'em on the run. Better relocate to the church til morning.


__________________________________________________________



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Shepard: Alright, motherfucker! Miguel and his men want supplies and fuel before they even think moving against Deidranna and don't you even think about talking to the Queen's men. I've never grabbed a holy collar before, but this sure as hell might be a good time to start!

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Shepard: Alright. Ice, Blood, now we've got a cash flow we can start push further into the interior. Ice, start putting together a militia to keep the Queen out of this backwater. Ira, you do the same at the airfield. Blood, check the equipment and see if you can patch us up... As soon as we put this town in order, we've got a pilot to find.

MEANWHILE>...........>

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Lindblum

Augur
Joined
May 3, 2011
Messages
659
You should have beaten the shit out of that factory owner.

She doesn't deserve bullets.
 

SoupNazi

Guest
That happens to me whenever someone from the team dies and I don't remove them from the list.

Also bump.
 

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