Putting the 'role' back in role-playing games since 2002.
Donate to Codex
Good Old Games
  • Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.

Let's play err, play & watch: David Wolf, Secret Agent

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
The Shit Games Liberation Front returns with another awesome LP of an awesome shitty game! However, unlike the usual "let's LP a modern shitty game", I've instead decided to LP a shitty game... from 1989. (in before skyway "it's pre-1990 so of course it's shitty")

David Wolf was developed by Dynamix as one of the first "interactive movies" (a term that would come to be loathed by gamers looking for substance over graphicwhorism in their games). Like almost all such interactive movies, David Wolf has lots of movies and very little interactivity. Unlike subsequent interactive movies, it was also an EGA game, running at 320x200x16. And by 16 I don't mean 16-bit but SIXTEEN COLORS. You will soon see why this is not a game you would use in stead of Crysis to demonstrate the beauty of computer graphics... though, believe it or not, at one time it was. This was one of the first games to use digitized graphics so extensively (it came out a few months before Mean Streets). It's a very strange game to play nowadays, because its absolutely superb MT-32 soundtrack has, like most MIDI soundtracks, aged very well if you play it on the module it was composed on, and this makes the contrast with the absolutely terrible graphics even more jarring, especially in a game where most of the gameplay consists of staring at pretty graphics. When you're not staring at pretty digitized graphics, you're playing through crude action-y bits using Dynamix's 3Space technology (same engine that powered Red Baron, Betrayal at Krondor, and a few others).

There can be no doubt that the graphics were the game's primary focus at development. The game's main menu (which can be brought up at any time) lists 5 action scenes. These are the only gameplay sequences. Any one can be accessed at any time, including the last one on your first playthrough. What's the point of successfully completing one of these scenes? You get to watch the "movie" bit until the next action scene starts. If you're actually reading the text, watching the movie bit after an action scene takes longer than playing through it. To be perfectly honest, the only reason I played through the game was to listen to the soundtrack, and it only occurred to me to make an LP about a third of the way when I realized that the hilariously terrible story and writing would make for great LP material (that, and my Heart of China LP is having trouble due to a) the HUUUUUUUUUGE quantity of dialogs and b) trying to sort out all the alternate paths so I can show as many of them as possible). If you thought the cheesiest James Bond movie was too cheesy, wait 'til you see this.


UPDATE 1: DOVER

agent_001.png


agent_002.png


agent_003.png


Welcome to the gorgeous graphics of the EGA era.

agent_004.png


Any and all similarities to Ernst Stavro Blofeld are purely coincidental.

Tvasto.png
David Wolf must not be allowed to interfere.

Tvasto.png
Our agent tells us that he is testing one of Peregrine's new toys near the Cliffs of Dover.

FACT: Peregrine comes from the latin Peregrinus, which means "one from abroad".
FACT: There is no British intelligence organization called "Peregrine".

Tvasto.png
I want him eliminated... PERMANENTLY!

agent_005.png


Any and all similarities to James Bond are purely coincidental.

agent_006.png


agent_007.png


agent_008.png


agent_009.png


agent_010.png


agent_011.png


The shadowy figures appearing next to the portraits are all related to the various action scenes, one way or the other.

agent_012.png


OK, so this one may not be, though that depends on your definition of "action scene"...

agent_013.png


agent_014.png


agent_015.png


agent_016.png


agent_017.png


Secret agent, gun, girl, kissing. If this isn't a James Bond parody then I'm Wyrmlord's alt.

agent_018.png


Tfenton.png
Wolf, may I present the latest in aerial combat, the MK1 Hawk.

Any and all similarities to Q are pur- ah fuck it.

Twolf.png
You brought me all the way out here to test a new kite?

Tfenton.png
Hardly a kite, Wolf.

agent_019.png


Twolf.png
No wet bar?

Tfenton.png
Please Wolf.

agent_020.png


agent_021.png


agent_022.png


agent_023.png


Tboor.png
Yes... yes...

agent_024.png


agent_025.png


agent_026.png


agent_027.png


agent_028.png


Trouble ahead!

agent_029.png


agent_030.png


The little joystick icon (even though I set the controls to keyboard only...) indicates that an action scene is about to start.

agent_031.png


Wow, actual gameplay! The goal is to shoot down the enemy gliders without running into one of them, into the cliffs, or into the water. This is a little trickier because your altitude is constantly dropping, and because adjusting the angle makes the altitude drop even faster.

agent_032.png


Wolf also makes some atrocious one-liners (hey that reminds me of someone) whenever he downs an enemy.

agent_033.png


Unlike the other action scenes, you don't get a game over if you lose this one. Wolf ends up in hospital, but then recovers and the story proceeds. Since I'm no pussy, however, I easily dispatch all the gliders. And my reward is: cutscene!

agent_034.png


agent_035.png


agent_036.png


Tboor.png
What will I tell Mr. Vasto?

agent_037.png


agent_038.png


agent_039.png


FACT: Viper is the evil organization. Rhymes with...

agent_040.png


agent_041.png


agent_042.png


agent_043.png


In case you haven't noticed it already, the beat panel here should be indication enough that the story does not take itself too seriously. Which is a good thing.

agent_044.png


agent_045.png


Notice how the black guy's pretty cool about it all.

agent_046.png


agent_047.png


Yeah, that sounds convincing...

agent_048.png


agent_049.png


agent_050.png


agent_051.png


agent_052.png


For some reason I can totally imagine David Warner voicing Vasto.

agent_053.png


agent_054.png


agent_055.png


This should be turned into a smugface.

Tvasto.png
I should have known better than to trust Boor.

Tstock.png
I'll handle Wolf. I have the perfect bait for my dear old friend.

agent_056.png


Creepy pedophile detected.

agent_057.png


agent_058.png


agent_059.png


Any and all similarities to BLA BLA BLA PRISONER OF ICE BLA BLA BLA.

agent_060.png


agent_061.png


agent_062.png


agent_063.png


agent_064.png


agent_065.png


agent_066.png


Twolf.png
Radar absorbent materials make it very difficult to detect by radar.

Tmarch.png
You've been doing your homework.

Tmarch.png
The Shadowcat is more than difficult to detect, it's radar invisible.

Twolf.png
And?

Tmarch.png
And, it's been stolen.

Hardly a surprise, since we heard Vasto talking about it minutes ago...

Twolf.png
Stolen! How?

Tmarch.png
The SF-2 was taken during its final test flight.

agent_067.png


Black guy now has a name.

agent_068.png


In before racist Codexian jokes.

Tmarch.png
I'm afraid it's true... and there's more.

agent_069.png


agent_070.png


agent_071.png


Tmarch.png
O'Neal's technical expertise is irreplaceable. Her absence will seriously hurt our program.

agent_072.png


I'm taking bets on whether Bond and the Bondgirl Wolf and "Dr" O'Neal will have sex by the end of the game movie.

Tmarch.png
Control yourself, Wolf. This is serious.

agent_073.png


agent_074.png


agent_075.png


Tmarch.png
We must retrieve the Shadowcat before Vasto has another chance to use it.

agent_076.png


agent_077.png


agent_078.png


I have to admit the above part cracks me up.

Tmarch.png
Wolf, please be serious. The President is depending on our agency.

Twolf.png
Do we have any leads?

Tmarch.png
Yes, a rather obvious one. Garth Stock was seen with Dr. O'Neal at the Sur La Mer Casino in Monte Carlo. Stock paraded her right past Horowitz.

Twolf.png
Stock knows Agent Horowitz!

Twolf.png
You want to send me into an obvious trap?

Tmarch.png
I'm afraid we have no other choice. Stock is our only lead to the fighter.

agent_079.png


agent_080.png


Tmarch.png
You'll be leaving for Monte Carlo immediately. Go to the Sur La Mer Casino.

Tmarch.png
Our man Horowitz is dealing blackjack. He can fill you in when you get there. Good luck, Wolf.

agent_081.png


There's a mole inside Peregrine!

Tagent.png
Yes. Monte Carlo. Immediately.

Tagent.png
That's right, the Sur La Mer. At one of the blackjack tables.

Tagent.png
Yes, the dealer's a Peregrine Agent.

Tagent.png
No. That's all.

To be continued...
 
Joined
Apr 4, 2007
Messages
3,585
Location
Motherfuckerville
It's funny because the black actor's last name is White...just like Micheal Jai White a.k.a. Black Dynamite.

I'm hoping for super cheesy death scenes. Hope this game doesn't disappoint.
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
:smug: So I'm off to rescue Miss O'Neal....
 

lightbane

Arcane
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
10,140
:what: Well, it seems that cinematic games were shit since the beginning, at least they're consistent. :yeah:

Looking forward for the next update.
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
I love the ridiculousness of 80's games, they didn't take their stories seriously at all.
 

grotsnik

Arcane
Joined
Jul 11, 2010
Messages
1,671
The villain looks extraordinarily like a bearded Ross Kemp.

Is it wrong to say I like the look of this? It comes across as...really quite charming.
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
racofer said:
Looks better than every Bethesda game released in the past 5 years.
What? Bethesda haven't released anything in the past fiv-

Oh. I see what you did there.

Excidium said:
So next-gen!
I was going to make a joke about Xbox controller, but really, the image speaks for itself.

Blackadder said:
That bloody face...
He makes another few stupid ones throughout the game. But then it's not as if the other "actors" play it straight either.

ironyuri said:
Dude is awesome.
He gets another pretty awesome scene in update 3.

Wyrmlord said:
A very young lovechild of David Lynch and David Cronenberg?
I was more impressed with the way his hair color changes from scene to scene, no small feat on 16-color display. It's like the game is trying to capitalize on the "bad B movie" vibes.

lightbane said:
Well, it seems that cinematic games were shit since the beginning, at least they're consistent.
There have been a few good ones. Mean Streets went for a similar approach, using digitized graphics and a 3D engine for flying around, but it was a much better game thanks to there being an actual game in the first place (thourgh the 3D engine flying was the worst part about it). I think Mean Streets' biggest advantage over David Wolf is that it used 256-color VGA, so the digitized stuff didn't look anywhere near as awful. The RealSound technology was also a dramatic achievement; playing actual speech of the PC Speaker was something unimaginable, though MS lacks a MIDI soundtrack, so David Wolf actually feels much more alive sound-wise. Countdown was also an excellent game, though playing it now it doesn't really feel like an interactive movie, more like a traditional adventure game.

GarfunkeL said:
This looks to be awesomely bad!
grotsnik said:
Is it wrong to say I like the look of this? It comes across as...really quite charming.
Oh the game does have its charm, and it's obvious the designers were not taking the story very seriously. As I said, that's a good thing, because if they'd made it just a little less cheesy, it would've been just terrible. Adding that extra cheese also gave it some charm.

Edward_R_Murrow said:
I'm hoping for super cheesy death scenes. Hope this game doesn't disappoint.
Unfortunately there's only one death scene, when you lose any of the other arcade scenes. I didn't record it, as I had planned on doing a "movie-like" run of the game, but since it's actually quite entertaining I'll go a take some screenshots and do a semi-update of sorts.
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
UPDATE 2: MONTE CARLO

agent_082.png


We find agent 007 David Wolf as he arrives in Monte Carlo by air and gets a car out of the airport.

agent_083.png


agent_084.png


agent_085.png


He's not going to have a boring drive for long though!

agent_086.png


agent_087.png


agent_088.png


Several cars are hot on his trail!

agent_089.png


Welcome to the car chase action. The car kind-of drives itself. It will take the bends by itself, but you can speed up or slow down and forces it off the road on either side. I'm not really sure why you'd want to do either... though driving at the edges of the road has advantages that I will discuss shortly. Anyway the goons behind you also shoot at the car, and too many shots or the car flipping over due to bad driving results in the following cutscene.

agent_253.png


agent_254.png


agent_255.png


agent_256.png


agent_257.png


agent_258.png


agent_259.png


agent_260.png


agent_261.png


Tmarch.png
Yes. I know we're approaching the deadline.

Tmarch.png
Our agent has been killed. All we can do now is hope and pray.

This is something I will never understand. Would it kill our kwans to yield to demands once in a while? I mean I can understand the "we will never negotiate with terrorists!" shtick as long as you HAVE a backup plan, but when it comes down to either paying a ransom or praying... seriously, do you expect God Almighty to just strike down the Shadowcat when it's in mid-flight?

agent_262.png


agent_263.png


Anyway God is obviously on a break (or "in him we trust" was not the smartest choice) because the bomb gets dropped on Capitol Hill.

agent_264.png


agent_265.png


agent_266.png


agent_267.png


This face could make Rance die of jealousy.

agent_250.png


Anyway we can't have the evil terrorists defeat the Mighty Eagle, so we promptly reload the game pick Car Chase 1 from the game's main menu and do it properly this time.

agent_090.png


So, how do we get rid of the pursuing cars? You may've noticed the car, in typical Bond fashion, has its share of gadgets. It has a mounted machine gun (MG), it can release a trail of oil behind it, and it even has a handful of homing missiles. Both MG and missiles are aimed to the front, so we disperse some oil instead. The key is to release the oil right before a sharp turn, along the outer edge, so the cars slip on it, tumble over off road and explode. It's pretty lulzy.

agent_091.png


This indicates a new threat: enemies from the front. Or... well, one enemy, and we have four missiles.

agent_092.png


It doesn't take long to dispose of him. Some more oil takes care of the cars that keep appearing behind us.

agent_093.png


Darn, running out of oil. What, what does this sign mean? Mmm, I wonder what stunt this reminds me of...

agent_094.png


agent_095.png


agent_096.png


agent_097.png


:yeah:

agent_098.png


agent_099.png


:yeah:

agent_100.png


agent_101.png


Of course what better way to say "smug secret agent" than to park right in front of not one, but TWO no parking signs?

agent_102.png


agent_103.png


Tboor.png
Will you need me to move Dr. O'Neal?

Tboor.png
Yes, I understand. Oh, very tasty bait, indeed.

agent_104.png


In case you forgot, Horrowitz is a Peregrine undercover agent. However, he isn't entirely undercover, since Garth knows he's a Peregrine agent, and Wolf knows that Garth knows. Which makes some of what happens later a bit... silly.

Thorrowitz.png
The air here reeks of Viper agents. Particularly one Garth Stock.

Thorrowitz.png
The hotel has them booked through tonight only.

Twolf.png
Then I'll have to move fast.

Thorrowitz.png
I think so. We've arranged a submarine rendezvous off the docks of St. Germaine.

Thorrowitz.png
Will you need a boat?

Twolf.png
No thanks. My car can handle it.

This is totally not a reference to The Spy Who Loved Me.

Twolf.png
Where can I find Stock?

agent_105.png


agent_106.png


agent_107.png


Twolf.png
Garth Stock. And I thought this was a quality establishment.

agent_108.png


Twolf.png
A bit bumpy and they ran out of Scotch, but otherwise pleasant.

Tstock.png
Traveling alone, I see.

Twolf.png
Yes, temporarily. Although you seem to be in lovely company.

Twolf.png
Miss O'Neal, allow me to introduce myself. I'm...

Tstock.png
Skip the introduction, Wolf. It's only appropriate among friends.

Twolf.png
Ah, friends. Is that what you and Bruno Vasto are these days?

Tstock.png
Interesting that you should mention Mr. Vasto. He brought your name up just the other day. Concerned about your health I think.

agent_109.png


Twolf.png
Better yet, I'll tell him myself. I expect to be seeing your enormous friend very soon.

agent_110.png


Twolf.png
Garth, I see that your temper is still intact. Too bad I can't say the same for your sense of loyalty.

I wanted to comment on the quality of the writing, the highbrow sarcasm and the post-ironic humor, but really, the lines speak for themselves.

agent_111.png


agent_112.png


agent_113.png


agent_114.png


agent_115.png


Twolf.png
Room Service!

agent_116.png


agent_117.png


:yeah: Take that Shepard :smug:

agent_118.png


agent_119.png


:yeah:

Twolf.png
Hold Still while I untie you.

Twolf.png
I'm a Peregrine agent. I presume you're Dr. Kelly O'Neal.

agent_120.png


agent_121.png


See folks, THIS is the game that should be remade with high res graphics. Think of all the smugface portraits that could be extracted!

agent_122.png


Twolf.png
Do you know where they've taken it?

Tkelly.png
They said something about Drax Island in the Mediterranean. There are some papers on the table.

agent_123.png


In case you're wondering, there is no such thing as Drax Island, in the Mediterranean or elsewhere.

Twolf.png
This must be it.

Twolf.png
Come on, we're getting out of here.

Tkelly.png
Hold it. How do I know it's safe?

agent_124.png


No comment.

Tkelly.png
You're the one I'm worried about.

Twolf.png
I promise to be good.

Extra special no comment.

agent_125.png


agent_126.png


Normally I'd be shocked at this surprising and totally unexpected turn of events, but I'm just glad someone put a stop to the avalanche of one-liners.

agent_127.png


oooooor maybe I spoke too soon...

Tstock.png
A rather fatal one I'm afraid. Now raise your hands slowly!

agent_128.png


Tstock.png
I said, RAISE YOUR HANDS!

agent_129.png


agent_130.png


agent_131.png


The classical window exit! :yeah:

agent_132.png


agent_133.png


Tstock.png
Stop him! I want Wolf DEAD!!!

agent_134.png


agent_135.png


agent_136.png


Welcome to the other car chase arcade. This one's mostly identical: same weapons, same enemies...

agent_137.png


agent_138.png


Well, except for this one. The heli just flies back and forth, spraying the car with bullets until shot down. Fortunately it doesn't take long to get rid of him, and the rest of the ride is uneventful.

agent_139.png


agent_140.png


Hey look, a pier! I can TOTALLY not see where this is going (... I wonder if it would've been more proper to NOT shoot down the helicopter?)

agent_141.png


agent_142.png


agent_143.png


agent_144.png


THIS is why you always drive a Lotus Esprit! :yeah:

agent_145.png


agent_146.png


agent_147.png


Tbrooks.png
Welcome aboard, Sir.

Tbrooks.png
Director March will be linking up via satellite very soon. I'll see you to your quarters so you can get squared away.

agent_148.png


Tmarch.png
We have a plane in Cyprus ready to provide an air drop onto Drax Island.

Tmarch.png
Their security is tight. We've figured your best bet is to land atop their regular delivery truck.

Tmarch.png
It'll be tricky but I'm confident you'll succeed. Get that jet, Wolf!

Off to Cyprus we go.

agent_149.png


agent_150.png


agent_151.png


agent_152.png


agent_153.png


agent_154.png


agent_155.png


agent_156.png


Tpilot.png
Yes, sir.

This guy totally doesn't look or sound suspicious.

agent_157.png


agent_158.png


Tvasto.png
It will be such a pleasure to work with such an exquisite...

agent_159.png


agent_160.png


Totally subtle and highbrow joke.

agent_161.png


agent_162.png


agent_163.png


OK, I was wrong after all, the pilot did take us to our intended destination.

agent_164.png


agent_165.png


agent_166.png


agent_167.png


Tstock.png
That's the sound of your death, Wolf.

TO BE CONTINUED...
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
Edward_R_Murrow said:
2dbt8qg.jpg
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
:yeah:

Crooked Bee said:
I hope you're not. ;)
Well, is this a Bond parody? Answer one question and you'll have answered the other ;)

torpid said:
Were the actors in these kind of games professional actors, or just the developers and their bros?
I had some fun and compiled a list of actors and what else they did on the game. Here it is:

Sher Alltucker (as Newsperson): makeup and casting.
John Burton (thug): art director and background art
Tom Collie (as Lt. Brooks):background art
Brian Hahn (as Dr. Johnson): animation
Cyrus Kanga (thug): 3D models, documentation
Jerry Luttrell (thug): screenplay, marketing/PR
Anthony R. Reyneke (as Dr. Fenton): administration
Kevin Ryan (as Father Brown): design, programming, screenplay (you'll see him again in Heart of China)
Damon Slye (as Horowitz): design, producer, flight model
Jeff Tunnell (thug): executive producer, Dynamix Big Boss

Angela Clement (as Kelly O'Neal), Kevin Dahlstrom (as Tom Boor), Greg Sheid (as David Wolf), Ben Taitel (as Director March), Duayne White (as Garth Stock): nothing else.

Notice how the ones who are credited at the beginning as the "main" actors are the only ones who weren't part of the regular Dynamix team. Funnily enough they're not credited for anything else in either the game or movie industry, as far as I can tell. No idea if they used pseudonyms or who the hell they are.
 

ironyuri

Guest
agent_116.png


What the fuck? Who wears glasses like that indoors with the lights on to answer the do- :rage:


Infact, this game is so terrigoodbad that I think it warrants this:

FUUUYEEAAHH-.png
 

torpid

Liturgist
Joined
Aug 2, 2010
Messages
1,099
Location
Isma's Grove
Nice cleavage on Miss O'Neal!

agent_161.png


:x

Thanks for the actor list Sceptic. So it's mostly the team, plus a few actors who never showed up in any other "film". TV actors maybe?
 

As an Amazon Associate, rpgcodex.net earns from qualifying purchases.
Back
Top Bottom