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The Codex kills Kennedy: JFK reloaded

WetWorks

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In a thread i made in GD about JFKs assasination, someone pointed my attention to "JFK reloaded".
This little tasteful gem of a game is a simulator where your goal is to imitate Lee Harvey Oswalds murder.

Of course this highly controversial game claims to be for educational purposes only, and who am i to disagree with that and consider it raw exploitation.

Therefore prestigious Codexers will here attempt to murder the President of Kwa, and i shall document it in gory detail. Furthermore we shall enter a little Q&A with the assasins as discern their motivations.

I assure you, everything will naturally be done in good taste. Should you disagree with me, feel free to gun me down next time me and my motorcade passes through your neighbourhood.

(Due to an image conversion fuckup, images suck)

Wyrmlords gambit

wyrmie.jpg


intro.gif


2.gif


Very educational

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Nice view.

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And heres the man himself. Of course this is the wrong angle to gun him down from, better to get him in the back.

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This is more like it. Soon the shoots are gonna ring out over dealy plaza.

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Wyrmlord scopes in...awaits the right moment....and...

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BOOM! Da prez seems to be gripping his throat!

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Another shot and this time it looks like a headshot! Notice the aesthetic cloud of blood.

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Whoops! In Wyrmlords eagerness he guns down a secret service dude. At least he died in the line of duty (and the line of fire).

10.gif


The motorcade speeds of in the distance, but Wyrmie is pretty sure he got him good!

11.gif


Luckily the "game" comes with its own sports-like instant replay thingie. Here we will examine things from the Zapruder perspective.

12.gif


Apparently there is no blood when hit in the neck/back?


14.gif


BOOM! HEADSHOT!

13.gif


Looks like that's gonna need stitches.

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Here's another shot (har-di-har-har) of the killing wound

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Next up is the evaluation. Looks like Wyrmlord had some luck with the ricochets today, since the limo sent the shot on the right course. Bullet took the full tour of da Prez's innards. Still no kill though.

20.gif


Killing shot turned out to be another ricochet! For shame wyrmlord!
Well, at least he got him.


21.gif


The third and completed wasted shot (Secret Servicemen aren't worth a bullet).
Another evidence of Wyrmlords poor shooting abilities (and not the narrators incompetence).


22.gif


Here's another tasteful morsel. The pointboard where you compare your results to Oswalds. Looks like main objectives completed.

23.gif


Lot's of negatives though. Could be worse.

fatdick2.gif
Son, we got you an you might as well admit to it. You killed the president of the Kwa!

wyrmie.jpg
Yes sir, yes i did. Guilty as charged i'm afraid.

fatdick2.gif
Why on earth would you go and do a thing like that?

wyrmie.jpg
No particular reason, really. Though i can assure you it wasn't politically motivated! No siree!

fatdick2.gif
Then why the hell did you do it? If it wasn't the mans politics?

wyrmie.jpg
Well it's like this sir; You have to follow the conventions of soceity. We humans have no right to question the traditions that make up our institutions. It does not matter how awful your soceity is tradition and power is in place for a reason, and we don't posses the faculties too decide over such things.

fatdick2.gif
So you killed him over his support for civil rights, son? Isn't that politics?

wyrmie.jpg
Actually i don't have any politics, i am completely apolitical. I take my cues from my intellect and reason.
Did i mention i'm apolitical?


Next time on Codex kills Kennedy: Humanity Has Risen!!!!
 

WetWorks

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Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
Codex kills Kennedy part 2:

Path of the righteous man


HHR.png

In this episode we take a look at the motivations of our very own Humanity has risen!




fatdick2.gif
Take me through the steps son. What went through your mind when you killed the president?

HHR.png
I know what went through that goddamn pagans mind; a bullet!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

fatdick2.gif
Easy there son. You might choke on that pious laughter some day. Come on, walk me through it.

1.jpg



HHR.png
I could see the convoy of cars and hear the roar of the crowd, and i kept thinking that this was some kind of idolatry. All these people worshipping a false god.

2.jpg



HHR.png
So i took a look through the scope and all i could see was that smug papists smile. Sitting there waving to the crowd like he wasn't some kind of
vile popeblower! I felt all the more determined then.


3.jpg



HHR.png
I waited till he got round the bend, took aim, said a prayer to the almighty under my breath...

4.jpg



HHR.png
...and then i put a holy bullet in that filthy irish head! Never seen a head come apart like that before!

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HHR.png
I fired one more shot, but i was so giddy with having seen all that heretic gray matter that i think i missed.

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HHR.png
And lastly i fired one more shot but i missed again, but nevermind, me and Jesus got him.

fatdick2.gif
What?

7.jpg



HHR.png
Yeah haha! That'll teach that berliner to keep away from a godfearin' Texas. Him and his pretty wife....Why can't i have a wife like that?!?

fatdick2.gif
Possibly because you are a deranged fanatic who shoots people?

8.jpg



HHR.png
Listen, you are just not looking at it from the right angle. Consider this: Not a sparrow falls to the ground, without God knowing it.
Hence, if God didn't wish me to kill Satans president, he could have easily stopped me.

9.jpg



HHR.png
So it's simple; God wanted Kennedy to die, and i was simply his instrument for righteous justice. Praise Jesus!!!

10.jpg


fatdick2.gif
Wait just a second son! Our ballistic reports indicate that your bullet only hit the President because it was angled off the Limo.
Seems to me that you were a lucky bastard.


HHR.png
Wrong. This actually proves that God wanted him dead! See i am a bad shot, so God corrected my poor skills.
Bang! Two stones with one blow! One takes out a freakish heathen, and the other proves that god exists!
You do know that this technically also proves that i'm innocent?

fatdick2.gif
We'll get back to you on that.

11.jpg


fatdick2.gif
So what about the second shot that wounded a secret serviceman?


HHR.png
He was probably a sinner too. I bet he was a thief or something! Or maybe he had sex before getting married!

fatdick2.gif
Aha...


12.jpg


fatdick2.gif
And your third shot?


HHR.png
Pretty sure that car was possesed by a demon.

13.jpg


14.jpg


Next time on Codex kills Kennedy: JagreenLern!
 

Kz3r0

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Joined
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Messages
27,013
Do you really plan to do this for every Coddexer or only a selected few, and in this case, which ones?
 

WetWorks

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Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
What? Do it for all codexers??? Not in a million years! (which is probably how long it would take).

Will be doing a few more i think, but the "game" isn't really much of a game. Headshots all look the same, Kennedy always drops to the same side, Secret service guy always jumps on the back etc.
It is quickly becoming harder to get some "fun" out of it.

On selected codexers: Those i feel could be fun, could get made. Any suggestions?
 

Kz3r0

Arcane
Joined
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Messages
27,013
WetWorks said:
What? Do it for all codexers??? Not in a million years! (which is probably how long it would take).

Will be doing a few more i think, but the "game" isn't really much of a game. Headshots all look the same, Kennedy always drops to the same side, Secret service guy always jumps on the back etc.
It is quickly becoming harder to get some "fun" out of it.

On selected codexers: Those i feel could be fun, could get made. Any suggestions?
Higher Game
Lyric Suite
SCO



:M
 
In My Safe Space
Joined
Dec 11, 2009
Messages
21,899
Codex 2012
:lol: Awesome stuff.

I remember having fun killing the driver and then picking off as much enemies as possible :D .
 

grotsnik

Arcane
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Jul 11, 2010
Messages
1,671
I...can only assume you're drunk for coming up with this. Splendid stuff!
 

Esquilax

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Joined
Dec 7, 2010
Messages
4,833
GarfunkeL said:
Pretty funny LP, WetWorks, keep it up.

WetWorks is really one of the best up-and-coming LPers on the 'Dex. I fucking died laughing reading through the Pirates! LP.

Keep up the good work, man.

:bro:
 

asper

Arcane
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Nov 14, 2007
Messages
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Project: Eternity
So, did this great educational piece of software convince you that the shot was absolutely possible and that Oswald was the sole killer?
 

WetWorks

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Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
The Codex kills Kennedy part 3

For the people

jagreen.png

This episode features the Codexs perhaps most stalwart communist: Jagreenlern.



jagreen.png
It's true comrade inspector! I killed the great imperialist, and i admit it gladly!
He had it coming! Think of all the crimes against various peoples he has comitted!

fatdick2.gif
Like what?

jagreen.png
Like being an imperialist and comitting crimes!

fatdick2.gif
Such as?

jagreen.png
He was a bourgouise dog who like all such fiends keep the working people downthrodden!

7.jpg


jagreen.png
Just look at that display of imperialistic propaganda!!! Cars and working policemen (imperialist lackeys!) in motion for this single man.
This truly is the decadence of the west. The socalled greatness of capitalism is nothing but a showoff, meant to put the working man in his place.

2.jpg


jagreen.png
So that is why, comrade, that i aimed my proletarian rifle at the man who spoke words made of silk but had actions of an agressor.

fatdick2.gif
I don't exactly get it. Was it because of Cuba?

jagreen.png
What's a Cuba?

fatdick2.gif
Nevermind.

4.jpg


jagreen.png
I believe comrade Lenin said it best: "When a man spirals towards moneyed decay it is up to the people to assasinate him with a scoped rifle!"

fatdick2.gif
I've never heard that quote, my young friend. Where did he say that?

jagreen.png
I don't remember, but i'm sure he would clap his working hands for my actions.

fatdick2.gif
Sounds like something from a demented fortune cookie.
Anyway what happened then?

5.jpg


jagreen.png
Well it get's kind of hazy then, must be imperialist influence on my marxist nervous system.
Prolonged exposure to your decadent culture warps the senses and turns the innocent into consumer slaves. In particular i blame Coca Cola.

fatdick2.gif
Well, let me remind you, son. You started firing away like a maniac from that book depository thingie, coming off more as a crazy wacko than a ideologue assasin.

jagreen.png
Purely a response to western influence. The marxist man is a model of mental health, pure and muscular.

8.jpg


fatdick2.gif
Well, there is kind of a problem...

jagreen.png
What?

9.jpg


fatdick2.gif
You did fire quite a lot of shots...

jagreen.png
Yeah, i wanted that capitalistic fiend to die! Long live the partys revolution!

fatdick2.gif
The party? I thought you meant the people?

jagreen.png
They are one and the same thing. You see, people are stupid and cruel and therefore a party must be made that works in proletariats best interests. Therefore we have a benevolent all knowing communist party that rules everything, but actually the party is the people themselves, and therefore the people themselves rule!

fatdick2.gif
Do you even know what the hell all that means? Or are you just some kind of robot with an inbuilt marxist vocabulary?

jagreen.png
The workers control over production is critical in reposnse to decadent western parasitic exploitation.

11.jpg


fatdick2.gif
Anyway, were you deliberatly trying to kill the first lady, lad?

jagreen.png
What? No, i was trying to kill Kennedy and all of his brutal lackeys! And what's with this lad thing?

fatdick2.gif
Well it seems that she found pieces of scrapnel in the first bra, so you came pretty close.
But besides all this, i actually have some pretty good news (depending on your point of view).

13.jpg


fatdick2.gif
See your first shot didn't hit him in any vital areas. Maybe his shoulder, arm, chest and torso is mashed up pretty good and that other guy took a few too,
but they're both alive.

jagreen.png
By Trotsky's icepick! NO!

14.jpg


fatdick2.gif
Oh and you got him on the second shot too son, but only managed to mangle more of his upper body and turn his legs into jello.
Oh, and that other guy, whatisface, got hit again.

jagreen.png
Sweet holy copies of Das Kaital! This must be a mistake!

fatdick2.gif
Dont worry son, if you had counted your shots you would know you had more chances to kill good ol' Kennedy.

15.jpg


fatdick2.gif
See, you got him some more. Basically his arms were more lead than bone when we got him to the ER.

jagreen.png
DON'T KEEP ME WAITING YOU OPPRESSING PIG!!! DID HE DIE OR NOT???

16.jpg


fatdick2.gif
And here your aim turns to cowdung, son. You came pretty close to killing a girl. I guess that's kind of a commie thing huh? Killing girls?

17.jpg


fatdick2.gif
Oh, and don't get me started on that last "shot" of yours! A learning disabled gopher could have done a better job.

jagreen.png
Wait a minute comrade! It's not all bad! I got him pretty good, didn't i? I mean, all those wounds, he's gotta be completely fucked up now, right?
He's gotta step down, right? Maybe Kwa will get someone better? Maybe that Nixon guy he lost the election to? He seemed like a pretty likable guy.

fatdick2.gif
Nah son. Don't sweat it. Kennedy will soon be up and about. I suspect he will be banging starlets again in just a few weeks.
We already have a dozen sexual harassment suit coming from the hospital nurses.
Guess the fellas over at the kremlin should have gone with that Oswald guy.

18.jpg

19.jpg


-58 Kennedy points.

Next time on Codex kills Kennedy: Lyric suite!
 

Kz3r0

Arcane
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
27,013
WetWorks said:
fatdick2.gif
Nah son. Don't sweat it. Kennedy will soon be up and about. I suspect he will be banging starlets again in just a few weeks.
We already have a dozen sexual harassment suit coming from the hospital nurses.
Guess the fellas over at the kremlin should have gone with that Oswald guy.
:rage: :lol:
 

Vaarna_Aarne

Notorious Internet Vandal
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MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
Oh man, the Jagreenlern episode was way better.

Anyway, I eagerly await Lyric Suite, and HHR! (you totally must do him, and remember to include him preaching about proper diet) to kill Kennedy.

Cleve is also an obvious choice, but you have to kill way more than Kennedy due to superhuman Neanderthal aim.
 

Oriebam

Formerly M4AE1BR0-something
Joined
Jul 6, 2011
Messages
6,193
:decline: from your last LP IMO, you have a game planned for a true LP later? (and it's not because of this being a fake LP or making fun of others, the quality of jokes is a bit low, maybe try this concept on other games, maybe it's my low codex lore level)




What's with the gophers and parenthesis?
 

Vaarna_Aarne

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anus_pounder said:
Is it possible to survive those wounds ? Both the governor and JFK sound pretty fucked up in Jagreen's scenario.
You'd be surprised of what people have survived over the years.
 

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