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Let's Play Magna Mundi: Pakistan Ascendant

Giant douche or turd sandwich?

  • Sikhism

    Votes: 2 100.0%
  • Religion of Peace

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    2
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
935
Location
The President of France
The conquest of Bihar and the crushing defeat of the Vidyanegroes has shaken the balance of power amongst the Hindus. If the Djinn are willing, then the Infidels will fall swiftly to the might of Andhaira. His inanity is comparable to Allah’s divinity. His sexual conquests with both women and goat are unparalleled, except by those of his forefathers. Now that Bihar is firmly beaten, and the coalition of the Bihari, Vidyanegro and Rajput Kings is broken, the Rajputs are the most immediate target. For too long a complete annexation of Rajputana has eluded the Shah. Rajputana will become Andhairaputana, and the rest of the Hindus will tremble at the sound of Baluchi boots.


eu3game2011-03-2921-30-37-08.jpg


The Shah begins an update of equipment and tactics amongst the Andhairavid cavalry. Traditionally, the Andhairavid cavalry has been made up of Baluchi nomads, armed with sword, lance and bow. They are a fusion of Arabic and Turkic cavalry traditions. With the conquest of Hindu lands, an enormous recruiting pool has opened up to the Shah. Most of the Hindus make for poor horsemen, but the Rajputs are excellent riders. Loyal Rajputs, mostly Sikh or Sunni converts, are recruited to bolster the Baluchi lancers. They are swift and ferocious, making them ideal for hit and run assaults. A headlong charge into enemy ranks is no longer viable, as firearms and elaborate infantry formations begin to obsolete traditional cavalry tactics.


eu3game2011-03-2921-34-30-16.jpg

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Meanwhile, ITZ just HITZ Potato and Prussia, so now they’re both in the SHITZ.


eu3game2011-03-2921-34-51-74.jpg


The Armenians have declared independence from the Khan of Persia. It would appear the war with Transoxiana took its toll, even though they won decisively.


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The Shah allows for a brief period of peace. The war with the Bihari Hindus was extremely bloody. After a few years of respite, the Andhairavid reserves are full, and the people of Delhi are clamoring for another glorious conquest. By the chin of the inane Djinn, Andhaira will bring the wealth and splendour of Rajputana to the citizens of Delhi! :salute:


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The Shah orders both the Delhi and Sindhi Hordes onwards into Rajputana. The two main Rajput forces are immediately engaged and annihilated. Their nomadic ancestors would defecate themselves in shame and anger, before disemboweling themselves with their own rotten teeth Clearly the Rajputs have forgotten the ancient way of Goat and Sword.


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Alas, spreading the inane love of Andhaira has its consequences. Just as the Andhairavid government was beginning to taste sweet incline, the conquest along the Ganges has strained it to the point of outright decline.


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The Rajputs fail to organise any strong resistance to Andhairavid occupation. One by one their forts, townships and cities fall to the invincible armies of the most inane of Emperors. Soon, all of Rajputana lies within the Shah’s iron grip.


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Rajputana is no more. This land shall be henceforth known to all as Andhairaputana. May the Andhairavid dynasty expand and triumph for a thousand more years!


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There is no Rajput, there is only Andhaira.


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Immediately after the war, the Shah seeks to consolidate his total dominance of North India. The city of Allahabad, God’s City, must be conquered and reclaimed for the Dar al-Islam. The Hindus of Allahabad have been helpful and well meaning towards the Shah, but Allahabad is not their city. It is Andhaira’s, as are all cities, countries, and peoples!


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The triumphant soldiers of inanity march through the streets of Allahabad. This conquest has disturbed the King of Gondwana, who considered the Hindus of Allahabad under his royal protection. Andhaira will have to vanquish the Hindus of Gondwana as well. No matter, they are already at war with the Vidyanegroes, who seem to have recovered surprisingly fast. The Gondwana Hindus will be crushed, and then the Shah can prepare for his next expedition against the infidel.


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A stinging defeat is dealt to the infidel forces. The King of Gondwana quickly realises his folly, and eagerly signs a truce with the Shah. Allahabad has been reclaimed for Islam.


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The Andhairavid Empire has crushed all of the major Hindu states. They still stubbornly refuse to bow to his greatness, but Andhairavid dominance has been confirmed. The only threat to the rule of Andhaira is the mythical Hindu warrior, known only as the Superstar. He has been curiously absent from the recent conflicts. Perhaps he has died in battle, or exiled himself?


eu3game2011-03-2921-54-29-08.jpg


Incidentally, I noticed this little detail. After inspecting some of my earlier saves, it would appear that Uesegi managed to get a 9/6/8 ruler who conquered most of Japan. I’ll post a world map with my next update to show you what’s going on in Asia. Curiously, all of Europe besides Scandinavia is discovered, while everything east of India is Terra Incognita. You’d think I’d have at least a vague idea about the political map of the Far East, considering I rule some of the main Indian trading hubs.


eu3game2011-03-2921-56-02-92.jpg


Not too long after the glorious conquest of Andhairaputana, Shah and Khagan Andhaira VI is carried off to paradise by a phalanx of Djinn. The seventh Andhaira succeeds to the throne. Lovingly referred to as Andyman by his many friends, he is a bright and charismatic young man. His ambitions reach the stars themselves . He is also a most unorthodox Muslim, with an intense interest in foreign philosophies and faiths. He has great promise, but it is yet to be seen if he will live up to his father’s legacy of conquest.


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Meanwhile, the infidel pig-eaters are butthurt. They are demanding that Andhaira VII cease the expansionist behaviour of his forefathers. Presumably they waited for Andhaira VI to die so that they might have a chance of escaping the otherwise inevitable righteous sodomy. Glorious conquest and decadent depravity both run in the veins of every Andhairavid. They will receive their tasteful rape soon enough. Right now however, there are some immediate issues that need tending to, in the aftermath of war.


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Since before even the arrival of Andhaira I, the Muslims and Hindus have fought and traded with each other. This cultural intercourse has lead to the development of strange, unorthodox philosophies and faiths. Most notable of these is of course Sikhism. The first Guru drew his ideas from the rich cultural and ideological heritage of India, primarily that of the Muslims and Hindus. Both Andhaira II and the Guru sought a peaceful resolution to the tensions between the two faiths. Persecution and forced conversion had proven ineffective and profitless. The Andhairavids adopted tolerance and multikult philosophy, instead. Under the enlightened rule of the Shahs, Sikhism prospered as did Hinduism. It developed from a philosophy of pacifism and social work, to a religion noticeably separate from Hinduism or Islam, to a mighty political force in the Punjab. Multan is now safe haven to all Sikhs. The Guru could even be considered second only to the Shah.

The Sikhs have always respected their Muslim overlord, in exchange for tolerance and religious autonomy. The Andhairavids, meanwhile, have become ever warier of the growing political power that the Guru wields. The situation has now reached its climax. The Guru has ordered the construction of a glorious golden temple at Amritsar, in the Punjab. The Shah is not sure why a religion advocating pacifism and social work also encourages extravagant temples and monuments, but that is unimportant. What is important, is that this temple is the most beautiful thing Andhaira VII has ever laid his eyes upon, even as it is half finished. Its radiance surpasses that of the finest goat concubine. So beautiful is this temple, that the Shah feels compelled to either persecute and crush the Sikh faith, or to convert and embrace the moral authority of the Guru (until he dies, at which point the religion will be usurped and twisted, as God intended).


Amritsar_Golden-Temple_2336.jpg


Ultimately, Andhaira VII decides to put this extremely arbitrary, black and white question to a higher power. In other words, Codexia, which is obviously the Islamic paradise of the Koran. What is your verdict Codex? I’m not sure why there is no option to allow the temple to stand, refuse to convert, and maintain the policy of tolerance. The temple is quite pretty, and Andhaira VII is a most inane monarch. Perhaps he was simply overwhelmed by all that religious bling. I leave the choice to my beloved fellow sodomites. When you’ve decided, I’ll fire the event back up with the console. Cast your votes, Codex! The power is yours!
 
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
2,815
Location
Third Reich from the Sun
Since there wasn't a religious conquest casus beli with sikhism I say stay with the religion of peace. Peaceful holy war of expansion is the way to glory and an after life with many goats. :salute:
 

Vaarna_Aarne

Notorious Internet Vandal
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
34,585
Location
Cell S-004
MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
We've seen what Islam has to offer, so I think it'd be good to switch to Sikhism. Besides, if you don't, Captain Nemo will sodomize your empire.
 

Calego

Novice
Joined
Mar 26, 2011
Messages
22
Wow, is that ever a lousy event. :roll: MM Team fail.

Might as well go Sikh. If state religion just represents the beliefs of your ruler, and you're so tolerant anyway, it makes sense to eventually have a Sikh Andhaira pop up. The Holy War CB can just be reinterpreted as a holy war of liberation. Like how the Swiss want to liberate all the oppressed folk of Italy, Germany and France by letting them join up as cantons.
 

Esquilax

Arcane
Joined
Dec 7, 2010
Messages
4,833
Fantastic LP, bro. While a lot of people have mentioned conquering India, what about going west into Persia and spreading inanity there? As for converting, I think I'd rather stay Islam because it's more true to the spirit of this LP. However, I have no problems with changing to Sikhism if most people want, because it might make for some interesting events.
 
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
935
Location
The President of France
If you want me to convert or remain Muslim, then vote in the poll. I put it there for a reason, you know.

I've said before that a conquest of Persia is completely possible. Baluchi is an Iranian culture, as is Persian and Pashtun. This means if i get the Liberty, Equality, Fraternity idea, I'll get the nationalism CB to conquer all Iranian provinces.
 
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
935
Location
The President of France
Looks like Andhaira will become a Sikh monarch. 8-4 in favour of Sikhism.

Incidentally, I had a look through the event files, the second option is supposed to be "Destroy the heathen temple,"
It doesn't really excuse the idiocy of the event. A neutral choice to let it stand and not convert would be nice.
 
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
935
Location
The President of France
Here is thy update, Codex. I've been having a few troubles with MM that have yet to be resolved, but I managed to play enough for a decently sizable update. The Khan of Khans will, in time, make all the fields his forefathers set their eyes upon the lands of him and his children alone. Should he fail, then Andhaira VIII will take up that duty, and should he fail, then Andhaira IX. History shall repeat itself as such, until all the Andhairavids are scourged from God’s sight.


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With support from Andhaira himself (The event doesn't tell you, but converting costs you 100 ducats for some reason. :x ) the Sikh Guru and his followers finish the glorious temple at Amritsar. The temple is, upon completion, far more majestic than anything Andhaira could have imagined. In his inane artistic pretention, the Shah saw no option but to either convert, or to scour the Sikhs from the Earth. Andhaira, forgoing his coronation oaths, swears by the teachings of the Guru. The Andhairavids are now a Sikh dynasty, all glory to the one true Sikh deity whose name I do not know!


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A substantial population of the Empire is already Sikh. Many more willingly give up their faith, so that they might return into the glorious embrace of their divine ruler. For some reason no one raises much of a fuss about the whole religious conversion thing. I guess Andhaira really is love.


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The old Islamic religious offices such as the Sheik ul-Islam, founded by Andhaira I himself, are disbanded. This is a great blasphemy to be sure. Andhaira the Great's memory is a sacred body in the Empire. Fortunately, the Shah can simply rely on the ignorance of the uneducated masses. Even if they knew, they would probably only be vaguely outraged for a short time, and would then go back to their farming and sodomy. For the intellectual, well-educated men of the Shahdom, there is always the chopping block.


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The conversion to Sikhism eliminates the Guru as a political adversary to the Shah. Now, he is simply a religious leader, not a political one. Sikhs throughout the Empire are rallying under the visage of Andhaira I. They cry out to the Shah, that his standard must fly over every corner of India, and perhaps, beyond? The common people march up and down the streets, in a vague semblance of military drill, shouting to the heavens.

"Andhaira is love! Andhaira is love! There is only Andhaira, for Andhaira is love!"


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The Shah begins a general reform of Andhairavid forces, with a focus on developing infantry and artillery tactics. The Andhairavid cavalry remains much as it was, although the use of firearms instead of the traditional nomad's bow is becoming more common. Superior modern artillery is introduced, but artillery still remains mostly a tool for sieges.
Andhaira looks to the Ottoman Empire and their splendid Janissary Corps. A similar kind of infantry, uniform, tightly disciplined and equipped with firearms, is adopted. Regional troops such as ferocious Pashtun raiders from Kohistan are still used, but they are irregulars. The solid gunpowder formations of the West will form the mainstay of the Andhairavid army from now on.


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Another look at the Sikh religious bonuses. Not only am I now supremely multikult, but the 10% manpower bonus is very significant. Sunni Muslim states gets a -20% manpower penalty, so Sikhism is massively superior at face value. The leader fire bonus is also nice, seeing as I'm relying on masses of infantry now.


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I get a slightly different version of the Guru event. This leads me to believe that the Sikh event chain is rather shit. The Golden Temple event wasn't very good either. For some reason I have the option to ban the religion I just converted to. The only difference here is that supporting Sikhism costs 25 ducats, rather than 5. I'm assuming this event is available for Sikhs to help spread Sikhism, but it could just be bad design. It might also have something to do with my multikult, similar to how I could ban trade with the Muslim world when i was still Sunni. I decide to pay the 25 ducats, in the hopes that it might help spread the new faith.


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On the bright side, the Sufi Order and Muslim merchant events now sort of make sense.


eu3game2011-04-0400-55-25-10.jpg


Oh shi-

The bastard Khan of Samarkand has declared war on the Andhairavids (in fact, correct me if I'm mistaken, but I think this is the first time someone has actually declared war on me during peacetime in this LP. Religion of Peace indeed. :M ). He is a mighty ruler, but the glorious Sikh Empire of Andhaira can only triumph in the face of such a despicable heathen adversary! The Khan demands that the Shah embrace the so called "Religion of Peace". His carcass will be put on display outside Amritsar! (or it would, if the game let you execute monarchs) Sikhism is the true Religion of Peace! The Shah will shove his pacifism down their filthy Uzbek throats. Still, this declaration comes as something of a surprise. War with the Transoxianans has been some time coming, and the Shah was expecting conflict with the Muslim heathens, but not so soon. They may overrun some border defenses. Regardless of what happens, this will most certainly be a bitter conflict.


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Andhaira succeds in marching his men swiftly enough to prevent an Uzbek incursion into the Punjab. So swift is his reaction, he even has time enough to occupy some Transoxianan land. The old seat of the Ghaznavids is occupied. Meanwhile, the Sindhi Horde is keeping the Uzbek scum at bay in Baluchistan.


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After some brief skirmishing along the border, a large force of mountain tribesmen marches into Sistan through Khorasan. The Sindhi Horde moves to engage this raiding force, sending more than ten thousand souls to a fiery damnation (Do Sikhs actually have a hell of some sort?)


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The Khan of Samarkand, of the Durranid dynasty, is an able commander of men, admittedly even more so than the Shah. What he lacks however, is competent computer AI. He brings his main force to attack the Shah at Kohistan. He is solidly beaten, and is forced to flee to Ghazni. The Shah follows, but if a decisive victory is not won then he does not plan to pursue. If his men didn't starve in the desert, then they would be ambushed in the mountains. The main Transoxianan force must be completely destroyed before the Shah can march on Samarkand.


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As expected, a decisive victory is not won ( I'd like to note that the Transoxianans are land tech 20, meaning they lack gunpowder troops. Presumably shitty rolls and shittier generals are why we're inflicting roughly even casualties) at Ghazni. The Shah retreats to Kohistan, while the Sindhi Horde remains in Baluchistan.


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Several months pass. Both Andhaira and Durrani Khan reinforce. The Uzbek filth manage to outmaneuver the Shah, attacking the Sindhi Horde while the Shah is in Kohistan. The Shah sends his cavalry ahead to aid the Baluchistan defenders. The Shah’s gambit is ultimately a success, giving him enough time to reinforce the Sindhi Horde. The elusive decisive victory is not won, but it is a blow severe enough to send the subhumans flying back into their mountains.


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Pro Patria :salute:


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Both sides reinforce, in preparation for another bout of brutal fighting. Durrani inexplicably decides to march into Kandahar, directly between the Delhi and Sindhi Hordes. With some maneuvering, the Shah manages to catch him in a pincer attack. Durrani, however, pulls his men back with relatively few casualties, inflicting heavy losses on the Shah's forces through ambush and attrition. Andhaira is forced to retreat, realizing that his maneuver failed.


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Fight the good fight! (with your voice on the radio.) Believe what is right! :salute:


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Galvanized by a sudden surge of fighting spirit back home, Andhaira's men rain bloody fury on the Uzbek subhuman sodomite savages At long last, after years of harsh fighting, the Transoxianan army is crushed. Durrani is forced to flee for his citadel in Samarkand, waiting for his inevitable defeat. The Shah is a man of good manners, so he will not have to wait for long.


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Andhaira allows his men a few months to reinforce. After the two Hordes are suitably replenished, the bloody march to Samarkand begins. The Sindhi Horde forces up through Kandahar, while the Shah takes his men through Kabulistan and the Afghan mountains.


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The Shah's Baluchi scouts bring word of an enormous rebel force outside of Samarkand. Andhaira is determined to seize the great city, if only as a symbolic victory. No way around it then, the rebels must be crushed.


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The push continues. Both the Sindhi and Delhi Hordes meet at Karshi. They have been severely diminished, but these brave soldiers must endure for just a few more months. Soon, Samarkand will fall to Andhaira and his Sikhs, and then, the Uzbeks suitably humbled, there can be peace.


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The rebels seize Samarkand. Andhaira spots his opportunity. If the rebels are beaten in the field, then their small garrison force will not last for long.


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The battle is another bloody victory, but it is a victory regardless. Samarkand is ripe for the taking. Timur must be spinning in his grave right now.


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Finally, at long last, the great city of the Timurids falls. The war, despite fierce bloodshed and hardship, is a complete and utter victory.


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The peace is far too lenient, in the Shah's opinion (If it wasn't 3 infamy per province I'd have taken Kabulistan and Ghazni), but it is enough. Hopefully the Uzbek subhumans will learn something from this. If not, then at least next time they will not be quite so troublesome.


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Oh God, the WE, it hurts, it hurts so bad. :M


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Meanwhile...

By the magnificent bronzed testicles of Christ’s second lover, holy shit! I only noticed this at the end of the war. I kept getting generic Sikh religious events, but that would have forced me to split this war into two updates so I left them out. Presumably that is what caused this extremely rapid conversion. As you can see, the entire Empire is now Sikh. Not only that, but most of my religious minorities have vanished! The Shahdom is now united in faith under the glorious reign of the Andhairavids. Many brave soldiers died in this war, and many more must die if Andhaira's love is to spread across Asia. There is only Andhaira, for Andhaira is love.
 

Calego

Novice
Joined
Mar 26, 2011
Messages
22
Best CB ever. :D

I thought the half infamy for Holy War was for defenders too. Maybe that's a Divine Wind thing? Oh well, having the Hindu Kush as a natural border is pretty cool.
 
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
935
Location
The President of France
I haven't actually figured out how to get that CB to work, bros. I've got the localization working and there's a new CB when I try to declare war, but it's completely blank. I'm going to desperately try to get it working by next update, but there's always the option to just make another CB Andhaira only and change the localization for that.
 

Vaarna_Aarne

Notorious Internet Vandal
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
34,585
Location
Cell S-004
MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
You've got to figure out the way war_name is typed out for the numbering script.

I propose the name of a Andhaira is Love! war would be _th Andhairavid-XXX War of Peace.
 

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