BioWare Devs Give In to Fans, Make Mass Effect 3 a date sim

[Jaesun]

http://social.bioware.com/forum/1/category/103/index

Galactic News Network: Breaking Story

Earth -- The citizens of Earth watched in horror yesterday morning as the Reaper armada blew through all Alliance resistance and landed in the twenty largest cities in the world, crushing monuments and setting themselves in a position to destroy all humanity at their leisure. Reports from the Council indicated that the Reapers had similarly positioned themselves to obliterate all intelligent races, from the timid hanar to the proud turian empire.

But what came next shocked everyone. The Reapers explained that they returned every 50,000 years to witness evidence of the true power of love.

And as all you viewers by now know, the Reapers have chosen Commander Shepard, formerly of the Alliance military and most recently associated with terrorist organization Cerberus, as the organic whose romantic exploits they will watch to determine the fate of every living creature in the galaxy.

Councilor Udina has asked that Commander Shepard put all past differences with the Council aside. "This is a romantical shitstorm," the Councilor stated in a press conference earlier today, "but for all of our sakes, we are praying for you, Commander Shepard. Send your fleet in. Send it in hard."

In a rare public announcement, the Illusive Man briefly asked that Commander Shepard successfully demonstrate his romantic acumen "for yoomanity," asking also that Shepard focus his interest in a pro-human direction, ideally with Miranda or, if necessary, Ashley.

Updates, as we receive them:

06:15 CST Commander Shepard, concerned about Tali's immune system, asks whether her getting sick could be contagious and infect other people. Tali appears hurt. In response, the Reapers vaporize the volus homeworld.

06:32 CST Commander Shepard brings Jack, with whom he had a fling, and Tali, whom he is currently attempting to date, to meet his ex-girlfriend, Liara T'Soni. The Reapers forcibly indoctrinate the entire vorcha species and drop them across several elcor colonies.

07:15 CST Commander Shepard attempts to choose a gift for Tali and goes with "flowers". After Tali explains the effect of flower pollen on her system, the Reapers liquefy the entire salarian species en masse.

07:46 CST Commander Shepard finds Tali and Legion arguing and ejects Legion out the Normandy airlock without pausing to listen to the context of the argument. Tali drags Shepard up to his cabin. As a reward, the Reapers bathe Earth and other human colonies in unique radiation that evidently halts the aging process and allows humans to see both infrared and ultraviolet frequencies.

08:12 CST Commander Shepard informs Tali that he is ending the relationship because he'd "Rather have sex with someone who won't die from it." He then finds Ashley and suggests that he slept with Tali not because of Dem Hips, but because Tali supported him in the fight against the Collectors while Ashley just chewed him out on Horizon, and you know who would have backed Shepard? Kaidan. Only Kaidan ain't here right now, because Shepard left Kaidan to die in order to save Ashley... and maybe that was a bad choice. The Reapers torture the entire batarian species to extinction. Reports indicate Shepard may have deliberately tanked that one.

08:35 CST Commander Shepard has indicated that he still has romantic feelings for Liara and is approaching the final confrontation with the Shadow Broker. The fate of humanity may rest on whether Shepard successfully hits that Interrupt. Stay tuned.

 

[Freelance Henchman]

i dont even

 

[Lesifoere]

But Jaesun, they're including male/male romance options in ME2. Bioware is thinking of you!

 

[MMXI]

No. The Mass Effect trilogy will end with Shepard seducing and sleeping with the Reaper Queen.

 

[Exmit]

No. The Mass Effect trilogy will end with Shepard seducing and sleeping with the Reaper Queen.

ooohhhhh and in the end Shepard will be the bad guy and reapers are the good ones who want to save the universe from shepard who wants to be a dictator and wants to run it for himself.

Now it makes perfect sense, we got you bioware - no plot twists for you

 

[Jaesun]

No. The Mass Effect trilogy will end with Male Shepard seducing and sleeping with the Reaper King.

Fixed that for you.

 

[KalosKagathos]

No. The Mass Effect trilogy will end with Male Shepard seducing and sleeping with the underage Reaper Prince.

Fixed that for you.

Improved further.

 

[JarlFrank]

No. The Mass Effect trilogy will end with Male Shepard seducing and sleeping with the underage Reaper Prince, the Reaper King, the Reaper Queen and the whole Reaper Royal Family in a single night, concluding his orgy with a one-liner about his sexual prowess.

Fixed that for you.

Improved further.

Perfected.

 

[DraQ]

Perfected.

*ctrl+f "herm"*
*0 matches*

Not perfected enough.

 

[Havoc]

Perfected.

*ctrl+f "shemale"*
*0 matches*

Not perfected enough.

fix'D.

 

[racofer]

Shepard is goatse from the future.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

No.

Fixed that for you.

Improved further.

Perfected.

Don't waste my fucking time-ized.

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

No. The Mass Effect trilogy will end with Male Shepard seducing and sleeping with the underage Reaper Prince, the Reaper King, the Reaper Queen and the whole Reaper Royal Family as well as a version of him self from the future in a single night, concluding his orgy with a one-liner about his sexual prowess.

Later future Shepard will give birth to a son who will in fact be Shepard and will be sent back in time thus completing the time loop. For Shepard is both his own father and mother.

Fixed that for you.

Improved further.

Perfected.

The penultimate fix.

 

[Freelance Henchman]

This fucking game isn't even out yet and I already feel like I was raped by a Krogan. FFS

 

[commie]

Shepherd turns out to be Rance.

 

[Excidium]

Still no Dr. Chakwas romance?

 

[MMXI]

Later future Shepard will give birth to a son who will in fact be Shepard and will be sent back in time thus completing the time loop.

You've been watching Red Dwarf.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

All this "Shepard is" shit is making me think about scenarios too. Here's mine.

It'd be cool if Mass Effect 3 could be a crossover with Half-Life and Commander Shepard is actually Adrian Shepard from Opposing Force. He was recruited by the G-Man and put into stasis for further evaluation at the end of that game, but what if he actually was transported to Mass Effect to combat the Reaper fuckness while G(ordon Free)Man is doing his thing on earth? Now they're gonna team up, the G-Man is gonna lay all the secrets face up on the carpet and shit is gonna go down as our boys Gordon and Adrian and Barney Calhoun save the universe from the evil aliens!! Man I should become a writer, shit.

 

[MMXI]

Nah. It's far more likely that, being EA owned, Shepard is... the Avatar.

Oh the sweet, beautiful rage.

 

[CrimsonAngel]

All this "Shepard is" shit is making me think about scenarios too. Here's mine.

It'd be cool if Mass Effect 3 could be a crossover with Half-Life and Commander Shepard is actually Adrian Shepard from Opposing Force. He was recruited by the G-Man and put into stasis for further evaluation at the end of that game, but what if he actually was transported to Mass Effect to combat the Reaper fuckness while G(ordon Free)Man is doing his thing on earth? Now they're gonna team up, the G-Man is gonna lay all the secrets face up on the carpet and shit is gonna go down as our boys Gordon and Adrian and Barney Calhoun save the universe from the evil aliens!! Man I should become a writer, shit.

There is only one GIANT plot hole in that.

Adrian Shepard did not fuck any of the people he commanded around in Opposing Force so it can not be Shepard.

 

[DriacKin]

Shepherd turns out to want to be a dragon.

Fixd

 

[Saark]

There is only one GIANT plot hole in that.

Sounds like proper Bioware writing to me then.

 

[Spectacle]

There is only one GIANT plot hole in that.

Sounds like proper Bioware writing to me then.

if there's only one giant plot hole it's an improvement from the usual Bio fare.

 

[Exmit]

Shepherd turns out to be a dragonborn.

Fixd

proper'd

 

[Crooked Bee]

Nah. It's far more likely that, being EA owned, Shepard is... the Avatar.

Oh the sweet, beautiful rage.

Best plot twist evar.