In Progress GOP nominees iron mans Baldurs Gate - Part 15

[Hellraiser]

A true American and patriot just died at the hands of that communist pig. His sacrifice shall not be forgotten.

 

[The_scorpion]

One death. How many more to go ?

yeah... i'm not usually complaining about the lack of casualties on these LP's, but in this particular case... where's mah TPK?

 

[JagreenLern]

One death. How many more to go ?

yeah... i'm not usually complaining about the lack of casualties on these LP's, but in this particular case... where's mah TPK?

I for one, hope that their is much GOPnik slaughter ahead.

And farewell Michael Moore, I was a thousand times more leftist than thou! Get it?

 

[torpid]

This update is gold -- there are so many good lines. "We need an increase in wages and better equipment"; "over my magic missiled corpse!" Michael Moore, "the Michelin man of the Left" And you capture the "poor people are so selfish" sentiment pretty well, too. And everything ties in neatly to Obama's master plan.

 

[WetWorks]

Part 8

So what are we....

Hold up a second! I feel a major disturbance in the force, it's like a million voices raged out in unison and then everything turned ugly.

Yeah i had that too, at first it was all white.

Dat waz sum seriouz scary shit!

And then all sort of combinations of blue, grey and brownish.

It still is.

I had kinda like a big scary ungodlike nightmare about lots of flashing pictures of female body parts and those there chinese fellas with purple hair and stuff kinda.

Don't worry it's all over now.

Nah, things still look kinda ugly.

Where were we?

Perry is dead. We looted his corpse for valuables and then chucked it in the river. Now were getting a new guy.

Who are we getting?

Ron Paul.

Hello there folks!

Oh brother, not this guy!

So, what's going on?

Nothing Ron! Why couldn't they have sent Ron Hubbard instead...

Mr. Paul, we should inform you that we are working against the evil of the dark one. Are you with us? What are you're thoughts on our fine nations future?

Well for one, i think the state is a huge grotesque apparatus, that should largely be dismantled.

Hmmm, not too bad.

We should stop regulating businesses and let the free market run things.

Yeah man! Right on!

We should also decriminalize drugs.

Fuck yeah! Wait! What did you just say???

This would largely rid us of a lot of black crime, since most of the black folks in prison are there because of drugs.

So not only do you want junkies to murder your familiy with rusty needles, but you also want to free the black machete-wielding rape gangs? I knew you were nothing but trouble!

We should also abolish state subsidies of the banks. No more bail outs to the big companies.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!?!?! That is the fucking cornerstone of democracy you are talking about there, buddy!!! The freedom to choose to support big business.

They should likely have prosecuted them as well.

You are fucking sick in the head, little man. Prosecute them? These corporations are not only too big to fail, but also too big to jail.

Get him Fox news!

Speaking of prosecution... Maybe we should impeach President Bush and the people that instituted torture and foreign war ventures.

Fuck you comrade!!! HAHAHA!!! Look at you!

Yeah, you look really evil and unchristian.

And let's not forget that we in general, should not be policing the world with our military.

LOOK BUDDY, YOU ARE A COMMIE. LOOK AT YOURSELF!!!!

Israel should no longer be the beneficiery of aid from us.

Holy shit! You just blasphemed! Fox news is gonna come down hard on you.

I don't really care. These things needs to be said.

Woah! That's spot on Fox news!

You are a pinko devil-woshipper Ron. I hope you die!

Maybe we should move on. Let's go mop up that mine area.

Hey look! It's some young punk tagging up this here rock!

That's certainly not proper behaviour, but it's no big deal.

That little bastard is defacing someone's potential private property!

Good, here comes a police officer now.

Hehe, can't wait to see that cop wailing on that property terrorist.

WOW! Is that motherfucking Hitler??? You sir, are wanted for the murder of six...

Maybe that whole "smear Ron Paul" thing wasn't such a good idea.

Better change that image back Fox News, we kinda had to kill a cop because of it.

The nominees heads back to Beregost for some coke and hookers.

Hello my young patriotic friends!

Reagan! How we've missed you!

Yeah, we all love you so very much!

Can i maybe kinda offer you sir mr president Reagan man an alaskan tonguebath kinda?

Hello there Mr. President. Nice to meet you.

Yo retard-reaganz!

You are doing fine my bald eagles, you have uncovered the first steps in the evil ones plan. Now you must pull out your american shovels and dig further into the soviet dirt, to uncover all of the treachery.

Beautiful, sir! Tell us more.

Only men and women of true american moral fiber and virtue can fight this blight upon our sweet home. Do it for Jefferson! Do it for Washington! Do it for McCarthy! Do it for apple-pie! Do it for the contras!

*sniff* getting all misty here Mr. President.

Speaking of sniffing, why do i smell feces?

Oh, seems mr president reagan made a poo-poo in his diaper.

Where is Ollie? He told me he would be here with my crack! I need my crack and they need their guns.
Gorbachov? What are you doing in my underwear?

Ermm... maybe we should give the President some alone-time, looks like he needs a nap and a good burp.

Dude stankz of da shit anywayz!

This is where that ungodly liberal sodomite was staying!

Hello there Mr. Barney Frank, first openly sodomizing member of congress!

Oh no! It's the scourge of the unions! The champions of all that is good and pure!

"Scourge of the unions", i like that.

He is gay? I find that shocking.

That a member of congress could be gay?

No, that anyone would ever touch that guy with their genitals.

I surrender. I have done nothing wrong! I'll tell you everything! Obama has released all of the criminals from prison so as to halt trade and keep the police busy. They are camping out in a wood up north!

Datz a gud plot.

Will you let me go now?

No! In fact: By the power vested in me by the almighty loving god and saviour of mankind and forgiver of all of his sins and wrongdoings, i hereby sentence you to death for the crime of cornholing.

Plese have mercy!

Burn in a an anus-singing hell, communist sodomite!

Next time: *bau-bau-bau* another one bites the dust

 

[Smashing Axe]

Great implementation of Ron Paul, hope he stays for a while longer.

 

[GarfunkeL]

I so hope you have SCS installed, then the next part will be hilarious.

 

[WetWorks]

Never did get around to stratagems. What am i missing?

 

[Derper]

Good vittles, love, and kissin'

 

[Yeesh]

Awesome.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Never did get around to stratagems. What am i missing?

Makes most of the fights much more challenging. Wizards and clerics cast much more smartly and buff themselves. Groups of enemies alert each other, making the old "pick them one-by-one" impossible. Meaning that the bandit camp fight is lethal as fuck as you get the four named NPCs coming your way as soon as one of the bandits makes the alert - plus all the bandits and hobgoblins. Fun for the whole family and so on.

But it makes ironmanning a lot more frustrating.

 

[WetWorks]

Seems a bad fit for iron manning, though a big epic bandit camp battle would be fun.
As it is now all it takes in one sloppy moment where i don't prepare for combat and nominees are likely to croak.

 

[WetWorks]

Part 9

So douchebags, lets go get those ex-cons that Obama let out of prison!

Well, not yet we have some unfinished business along the countryside.

What about the local people that will suffer because of these freed criminals?

Guess they shouldn't have voted for Obama then, should they?

The nominees travel south in search of bloodshed and popular support.

Jebus Christ, itz OWS-ghasts!

Motherfuckers are occupying the forests too???

I think they live here. Maybe they migrate during seasons of discontent?

Maybe kinda bears live here too. Are OWS kinda short for bears?

A cat and mouse game takes place.

be careful! Those protesters can stun you with their reasonable questions!

Yeah biatches! A levelz, an u gotz a levelz too alaska-pussybear, u knowz wat dat meanz!

I got a level too, can i join?

Keepz ya pink dickz ta yarself, rummers!

13 more liferz, dat aint too bad.

HEY! Where the hell is my after-level screesnhot??? Fucking Fox news again!

Well, thats kinda not too bad, i kinda wonder if i kinda can import more exotic kinda animals kinda now?

Gotz a exotic black mambo raight herez! An lookz! It be growing reelz big too!

Say Newt, how exactly does one handle the OWS, anyway? I mean if i can't stab them?

Well it's pretty simple. You wanna go for some good old american character-assasination.
First, if the protesters are smelly dirty hippies just say that they are unemployed moochers who wants something for nothing.

But if the are clean bunch using cellphones and apple-things, then they are spoiled brats who just want something to be angry about.

Bam! problem solved.

Same things goes with people criticizing capitalism:
If he's unemployed, he is just a bum who isn't doing enough to get a job.

On the other hand, if it's a a guy with a job or even a rich asshole, then just say that they are hipocrites.

You can't criticize capitalism if it gets you a job and IKEA furniture.

The nominees dicks around the countryside some more.

Don't forget to scalp those bandits! It's our tribute to Rick Perry.

Look at that caravan! Maybe it was those ex-cons that did it?

Maybe it was time you shut that commie-noise-hole until someone asked you to open it?

AAARGH! It's more of those union-kobolds!

I still say that 7 xp is a rip-off for those dangerous little fucks!

That's not the only thing that's a rip-off. Look at the numbers here: They are worth 7 xp and there are 6 of us!

So?

So where is that last xp going? I don't see .1666666666666666 on my character sheet, do you?

Wh...you are right! Where the hell are they going?!?!

It's likely an XP tax, the state is sucking our hard earned xps away from us working folks.

Bastards!

It's what the state does, and its why i'm against it.

You know what? I don't care what Newt says! I like you!

Thank you.

Do you agree that corporations are people too?

Well, not really no. But i do like business though.

Then i don't like you. Fuck you!

Deze li'l bluheaded fuckz not worth da trouble! Let's go southerz!

Stop! I have questions for you!

Now who the hell is this?

I don't know. A crack whore?

Awww yeah! Waddap baby? Why u so daown sugartits?

I lost my son in Iraq, and i was just interested in why he had to die?

Oh brother, here we go...

Since Saddam didn't have any nuclear weapons...

Shut the fuck up bitch, Saddam killed all those Kurds with gas.

Well, we were supporting them while he gassed the kurds, and we gave the ok to businesses to sell Iraq components for said gasses.

Shut up Ron! That's completely irrelevant.
Now, just because we didn't find any don't mean they weren't there. Saddam problem gave them to Venezuela, Iran or the american communist party.

Actually, our intelligence community already said that there was no WMDs, that it was an error.

Why are you still talking Ron? No one cares what you have to say.

Now, like i was saying, it was all a mistake but it happens. We are all human and to err is human bla bla.

So my son died because someone made a mistake.

No bitch, your son died fighting Al-Queda.

An Al-queda that wasn't there before we invaded.

And also Iraqi freedom. Yeah, he died for Iraqi freedom.

Shouldn't we have supported Iraq freedom instead of Saddam back in the 80s then?

I can't hear nothing. Your son died for Iraqi children.

Like all those children died during our sanctions and bombings in the 90s or those that die due to collateral damage.

Whose fucking side are you on Ron?!?!?!

You know what, i don't give a fuck. Let's just kill this slag and her friends and be done with it.

Aaaargh....*gulp*...i am....coming to join....you, son...

That's where you are wrong traitor! Patriots like your son go to heaven, critical commie-scum like you go to hell to stare at Gorbachovs birthmark for all eternity!

Yeah! Another level, don't you dare fuck that up FOX NEWS!

Thats right you little Murdoch Fucks! Nobody messes with mitt or I'll go total space jesus crazy on your asses!

Oh fuck! What the hell now?!?!?!

Hey you fuckers, we saw what you did to Iraq veteran-mom!

Yeah!

It's kinda them big elitists people from hollywood DC, with their kinda big money.
Why don't you make kinda more movies about alaska country with the polar bears and the trees and the air?

Oh great, more Hollywood scum. Go back to your mansions and piles of money!

I don't know these people? Were they in Ghostbusters?

*sigh* No Newt, they were not in Ghostbusters. Don't you watch any movies?

Well yeah, kinda, were they the guy in Taxi Driver?

Yeah Newt, they were both the guy from Taxi driver. Idiot.

OH MY GOD! It's Ben Affleck! I loved you as Ryan in that movie with the nuclear explosion! Was that a real nuclear explosion?

yeah!

You people are what's wrong with this country today!

Yeah!

Yo, wat yer beef, cracka?

My beef is that you are all basically war mongering crooks, who do the bidding of your corporate masters!

Come now, only parts of that statement is true. We aren't crooks!

Yes son, this is how things work. When you are older you will understand.
OHMYGOD!!! I can't believe i am meeting Ben Affleck!

Yeah!

Besides, i don't kinda take money from those big elitist people in kinda corporations, i only kinda take money from people kinda dumber than me, you betcha.

I'm guessing that's not a lot of funds then.

Now, if we all calm down i'm sure we can all come to some sort of arrangement. At least one us candidates doesn't seem to be corrupte....

Nuff talkz, taim for sum corporate damage controlz!!!

Get 'em Ben!

Yeah!

Image censored by Fox News

Ouch!

Take that you creationst bitch!

*gurggl*

Image censored by Fox News

Oh my fucking god from a planet far away! Look at all that alaskan blood!!! It's everywhere!!!

And why the hell are there darts sticking out of her alaskan mommy-hole?!? This is the sickest thing i've ever seen!

You pay for dat biatch!

Aaargh!!!

Well at least i got a level. Praise be with the lord of levels. Too bad about Sarah....and Ben Affleck, he was such a hunk.

I'm gonna miss dat bear of hers, and her puzzy.

What do we do with her corpse?

I goes first!

Well i guess we need a new nominee to join up?

Yeah. So it's the whole fucking vote thing again? Stupid democracy!

*POP*

Next time: Buying democracy and Mel Gibson crazies everything up.


(sorry about those missing screenies, but i kinda panicked in that fight. It was a lot harder than i remembered.)

 

[Yeesh]

Oh dear. How many more passably fuckable Republican presidential contenders are there?

 

[WetWorks]

I've always thought

was pretty sexy.

Look at that kinky crooked smile and the warm eyeslits. Don't tell he wouldn't look good in a playboy bunny-suit.

 

[GarfunkeL]

I wonder if you could be sued for libel or slander already, WetWorks :D Keep it up!

 

[GarfunkeL]

I wonder if you could be sued for libel or slander already, WetWorks :D Keep it up!

 

[WetWorks]

Part 10

Donald trump??? What are you doing here? We haven't even had a vote?

Hi gang. Yeah, well i bribed my way in. It's the republican party so money talks.

Why the fuck are you here? I thought you didn't want to be president?

Yeah i stilll don't, you'd have to be an idiot to want that job. But, i just started a new reality show, and i thought i'd promote it a bit.

Let me guess. Meat Loaf is in it?

Of course Meat Loaf is in it! Meat loaf is in anything good. Besides the audience loves that crazy fuck.

How can a dish be in a TV-show?

Nevermind Newt, go back to plotting your next lies.

So, whats the premise of the show?

Oh, no premise really. I just rounded up some of the usual loonies, have them distribute some millions and watch them go crazy over nothing.

So it's like congress?

I'm calling it: "Washed up celebrities do some crazy shit with Donald Trumps money!".

You are just full of ideas, huh?

I also wrote a book. Well to be honest i didn't write it, i just hired one guy to follow me around and pick up my words of wisdom and one guy to write them into something coherent. I'm calling it Donald Trumps guide to life: "Of course i'm not wearing a hairpiece! You wan't a piece of me?!? DO YA, YOU PIECE OF SHIT?!?"

Sounds riveting.

Yeah, anything with my name or picture on it fucking sells like hotcakes. Incidentally i'm also producing my own line of hotcakes. Donniecakes.

One wonders howcome you went bankrupt all those times.

Sometimes i do to, but then i have Meat Loaf wear a tutu and sing the national anthem while wearing a fake pair of tits. That always seems to cheer me up.

Speaking of my crazy TV-show. A couple of the contestants have "escaped".

So?

We should get them. My producers have promised a reward.

Shouldn't you be paying the reward, since they are your employees?

I don't care about them really, if they die it would make a good episode. A really touching one, you know? ratings through the roof!

Who's missing?

It's the big two. Mel Gibson and Meat Loaf.

Who are they?

Shut up Newt!

If there is financial compensation i don't see why we shouldn't be able to find them.

Great. Let's get going, you bums!

HEH! You're a Half-orc, Donnie? For some reason, I'm not surprised.

Oh dear! Random Encounter!

Excuse me, but are any of you Meat Loaf?

What about you? Are you Mel Gibson or Meat Loaf?

Time to pay the Kobold-tax.

Woah! Bearz!

I feel this is a sign from the beyond! It's Sarah Palins ghost trying to tell...

They are 650 XP a piece! Get 'em!

Sarah Palins ghost is gonna be pissed off!

Yeah well, what's she gonna do?

Yah man, she be dedz! Dere be no weirdz aeonz, war deadz may diez.

Where's my portrait you bastards?

U be 2 ugly fa picture.

AHHH!!! It's Palins Ghost Bears come to haunt us!

Were they Meat Loaf?

Now that you mention it, that one on the left kinda looked like Meat.

Stop sirs and madam! I'm sorry i'm gonna have to ask you for a bridge toll.

What the fuck is this! We ain't payin no toll, you troll!

I'm sorry, but this here bridge is pretty expensive in repairs. Last year we had 4.2 accidents cause of bad maintenance. Since then the Dark one has instructed us to Tax anyone who wants to cross.

Hmm, perhaps this is somewhat reasona...

Tax? TAX??? We aren't paying no goddamn taxes you damn thieves. We all know were this supposed tax is going! Right in the dark ones coffers!

I assure you sir, the cost is minimal and neccessary if we want to keep this bridge in shape.

We don't negotiate with Taxcollectors, you piece of bridge! If you want our money you'll have to take it from our cold dead hands!

We have no intentions of violence, but we must ask you to pay this tax!

There you go again with the T-word! Some people never learn! To arms against the opressors!!!

Pretty expensive stuff for a brige inspector. I knew those bastards were corrupt!

Who getz dat nice glovyz?

Let Newt get them, he's a fat little tub of lard that needs all the edge he can get.

Thanks.

HEY!!! I'm no tub of lard!!! Well okay, maybe a little.

The crew bounces around the cliff/cave area for a while, kills some blue-headed freaks and some carrion crawlers.

By Reagans illegal weapon sales! incoming bear!

It's the wrath of the Palin!

bearz wentz ova da maountinz, bearz wentz ova da maountinz, bearz wentz ova da maountinz, an den it died horibalz!

Fucked up the images again Fox News?

Gettinz sick of da bearz!

Nice little city, though it could do with a huge billboard with yours truly on it.

They've got Kobolds, Gnolls and Palin Bears in the vicinty. I don't think they need more trauma.

The nominees find themselves westwards, in front of the majestic Fox News Corporate Building.

Well i'll be fucked in the Iowa straw polls! It's the Fox news HQ!

The Mekka of us American conservatives! Praise be unto Rupert Murdoch and all of his offspring. May he guide us into the light.

Well, i don't know about you but i aim to have a litle "chat" with our socalled friends.

Don't you fuck this up Rommy. These are the good guys!

They are scoundrels through and through. I have not forgotten the image-smear campaign.

Me fucking neither. Those bastards should pay. In dollars preferably.

I prefer justice.

you can't buy shit with justice.

I likez dose guyz. I metz Hannity one of dose timez. He wuz gud lookinz!

Yeah, he is so dreamy. Almost like Ben Affleck!

Next time: Fox News and the crazies!

Wait! Wasn't Mel Gibson supposed to be in this episode?

 

[Yeesh]

Abandon hope. And Santorum.

 

[WetWorks]

Intermezzo


The Great Debate

We here at Fox News welcome you to this republican presidential nominee debate 2012.
It's an honour to have you with us today, where will ask tough and serious question of our candidates. I'm Bill O'reilly...

...and im Glenn Beck. We welcome you sweet america!

When all is said and done, we hope this debate will help you decide which candidate embodies the right qualities to become our new commander in chief. Now sit back and let's meet our nominees. Don't forget to shut the fuck up.

First off, i'd like to introduce Newt Gingrich, former republican whip and a distinguished speaker of the house of representatives. Nicknamed "the waffle" by fellow congressmen. It's good to see you Newt!

Thank you, Bill. A pleasure to be here on the only neutral news outlet in the country.

Thanks Newt. We appreciate that.

Our second nominee, is Herman Cain, former Chairman of the Federal Reserve in Kansas, and also former CEO of Godfather Pizza. Unknown to many he has a masters degree in computer science and served as an advisor to two-time failure Bob Dole.

Good to see you Mr. Beck and Mr. O'Reilly! Always happy to be on Fox news.

And we are thrilled to have you, blackie!

She is the Tea party candidate, and a mother of five + 23 orphans. A former senator who was voted most likely to be locked up in mental institution.

Hello Bill. A slight correction, it was "locked away in a lunatic asylum".

Oh, sorry. We'll kill that research minion. Fucking little bastards sucks!

The Rich guy from New York, who takes up a lot of tabloid space and reality-show airtime. Failed Businessman and avid golfer Mr. Donald Trump!

It's a pleasure to be here. Might i add succesful author to my resume. Buy my book if you want to get rich like me, everybody!

Might we impose on you to say your famous words Mr. Trump?

Sure, Glenn. You're fired!

Hahahaha. Precious! Thank you Mr. Trump.

Next up is the winner of Iowa, filthy heathen and current favourite Mr. Mitt Romney. Hi Mitt!

Fuck you!

Mitt is the guy we all hate to have to love, a filthy dirty pagan who believes in aliens and a rich mamas boy. Welcome to the debate Mitt!

Up yours, you piece of shit!

Our final nominee is Ron Paul, the crazy little asshole from Texas, who wants you to be raped by drugged up ex-cons! He also wants to kill all the jews and sucks the cock of that Ahmajizzidad-guy from Iraq or whatever. Fuck you very much Ron Paul!

Thank you Mr. Beck. I'm pleased at this opportunity to correct those misconceptions you just mentioned.

Good for you Comrade.

Now with our introductions done, we are almost ready to begin the debate.
But let's get a few formalities out of the way: We will conduct the proceedings by asking a lot of individual questions, and if another nominee has something to add he may ask to question the comment.

We would like to thank our sponsors at Goldman Sachs, without whom you would all be living in poverty. Goldman Sachs: excreting money unto the average Joe for decades.

Now, this first question goes to Mr. Cain.

Sure, i feel privileged to be the first.

Can you win this race? I mean, you being a jungle-bunny and all?

Bill, the past election of fellow jungle-bunny Barack Obama proves that the american people...

But Obama is more white than you. He's kind of a mixture, while you are pure chocolate?

Let me say this: In america it's not the brown, yellow or white colours that matter. It's the green!

*CLAP*

Except of course if you are an indian. 'Cause fuck those red bastards!

Speaking of fucking. Is there any truth to those rumors about you boning anything that moves?

Awww yeah i fuckz em a... I mean certainly not. I'm a happily married man.

I wanted to ask you something in relation to this?

Sure, Glenn. I'd be most happy to answer.

Some people accuse you of "acting white" for the cameras? Is there any truth to this?

Absolutely not. I'm as white as a black man can be.

You have a comment, filthy pagan?

Yeah. Cain is obviously lying, you should hear what he says when you're not around. He's all ghetto and shit.

I most certainly am not "ghetto"!

Are too!

Thank you both.

Our next question goes to Newt Gingrich. Newt?

...mjaha?

Explain to the american people why you would make such a great president.

Because i rock!

And?

Ahmmm...and i...like....uhm...money?

Don't you mean: "I Would make a great president because Obama is running this country into the ground with his socialist policies. I support lower taxes and less regulations. We need to help the poor defenseless people against excessive regulation and state interference"?

Yeah, that.

That's a good answer Newt. Don't you people think that?

*CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Mr. Gingrich. I'd like to ask you a tough question. Abortion is really, really, really bad isn't it?

Ummm....errm...no?

Wait, i think you meant to say: "Yeah, i am strongly against abortion!"

Oh yeah right. Yes, i am strongly against that thing you said!

Our next question goes to Ron Paul. Wouldn't you and your sociophatic policies wreck America?

No, i don't thi...

Time to move to another question. Glenn?

Yes Bill! Mrs. Bachman. In the Tea Party there's has been some discontent about the role corporations play in modern politics. Your take on that?

Yes, i agree. it's absolutely despicable to see the amount of influence the corporations have over this democratic president and his cronies.
And i genuinly think the american people are tired of it. That's why we should all vote republican in 2012. Time to get rid of the corruption.

And once elected as president, what laws what you instate to secure us from this supposed corporate influence?

Well, none actually. Because when i'm elected we are on the path of God and corporations would naturally become good citizens. So no need for laws.
And, i don't really believe in regulating our business community, and hurting all the mom and pop stores.

I have a comment to that.

I'm sorry Mr Paul, we don't have time for a comment. We have more serious questions ahead.

Mrs. Bachmann, who do you like best: Wholesome Rebecca Black or filthy, skanky Madonna?

Why, Rebecca Black of course! Me and my husband force our 23 orphans to listen to her all the time.

Wonderful, wonderful. Thank you Mrs. Bachman.

This question is for the godless pagan. Mitt, on a scale of 1 to 5 just how crazy is your religion?

Well, i wouldn't say it's crazy at all, dear bastard. In fact we believe in the Abrahamic god too! So we are just like any other amercian too!

Well, isn't Jesus from some other planet or some shit like that? Isn't that totally out-of-your-fucking-skull crazy?

No.

Well, me and the american public thinks it is. Don't you America?

*CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Thank you America!

You have a comment to Mitt's pyscho-religion, Mr Cain?

Why yes i do Glenn! It's true, Romney is fucking motherfucking crazy. He prays to space-Allah all the fucking time!

There you have it America! Completely crazy!

Mr. Trump. How would you handle diplomatic realtions with China?

Glad you asked me that, Glenn. Those little yellow fucks are our enemy! I have a plan that involves sending a special behind-enemy-lines commando team to China.
The Squad would consist of Gary Busey, Mel Gibson, Meat Loaf and Pinocchio, and they'd only be armed with a few shotgun slugs, a vacuum cleaner, duct tape and a kilo of PCP.

How would that help?

I don't know, but it'd probably make great TV.
I've already got a whole range of action figues lined up of all the contestants. Well, except for Meat Loaf. That fat bastard is too expensive in plastic!

Thank you Mr. Trump.

You know Glenn, there might just be spot for you on the commando team! You're just the right kind of crazy.

Let's go to commercials!

 

[GarfunkeL]

Oh lol.

 

[Yeesh]

He prays to space-Allah all the fucking time!

 

[Hellraiser]

Only men and women of true american moral fiber and virtue can fight this blight upon our sweet home. Do it for Jefferson! Do it for Washington! Do it for McCarthy! Do it for apple-pie! Do it for the contras!

 

[Johnny the Mule]

Gorbatschov hell joke was funny.
Paul faces are a winner, you betcha!
But you cant pull off nigger speak. At all. At least its not working in my head.

 

[Thor Kaufman]

M: