[LP CYOA] 傳

[Baltika9]

Wait, this can be made even more cheesy? I know I shouldn't, but...
B.

 

[Esquilax]

You don't really want pick-up lines in general. In my experience dudes who use them strike out a lot.

Really? I just tell her that I'm going to put +1 SWORD in her vagina. Works every time, give it a shot.

 

[Nevill]

Why do you do it to us, treave? Baltika9 couldn't have done it to me, but you did.

D.

 

[treave]

Extra cheese might only ruin this blend of Codexian perfection. But it is an option, just like how pineapple is an option with pizza.

 

[Baltika9]

treave, C is where you take this disjointed thing and make it more palatable, right?

 

[Absinthe]

Really? I just tell her that I'm going to put +1 SWORD in her vagina. Works every time, give it a shot.

That one's actually a solid strategy for getting laid, if you ask more politely. Just go to a couple bars, make a little small talk and hit on 30 reasonably attractive women in one night with that line. Odds are one of them will say yes. The only important bit is to make sure you don't really alienate a girl, because when you alienate one girl, you've usually alienated most of the other girls who saw you do that too. But soliciting casual sex at bars is usually acceptable.

 

[Fangshi]

I think this version flows a bit better?

Yes it does flow better but it still sounds like Jing has thirty different people in his head, which I guess he does...

All those short questions at once make Jing sound like a bit of a maniac to be honest.

The 'Do you trust me?' in the first paragraph seems a little out of place too. We go from talking about trust to a competitive angle, if we move things about a bit it might come out a bit better.

How about something like this, same content just a slightly different order:

We have much to talk about and solve between us, but first I want us to complete this together. We're better fighting together than alone. Remember that night against Changfeng? And the fight with the toad demon? Whatever we do, we always end up together. Now, let's finish this gauntlet as we started it. A pair.

Do you trust me? Remember, I did jump off my horse for you. Qilin and Cao'er might refer to you as "third", but you were the one I first proposed to, even if I did not know it at the time. Long ago, I promised you the moon and the stars for your love. I'm still coming up short, but here's a spark to start.

Get up Holy Maiden, this race isn't over yet.

Either I kiss you, or we find a toad demon. And THEN I kiss you. Because I'm not going to leave you. Not again. Though, in truth, I never did. You've always been with me. In my mind...and in my heart."

*whips out the wolfs fang amulet*

“Now if you still want to kill me I understand. My life's in your hands... But I think the Abbot would be terribly disappointed... if I kiss the Abbot right now, will he explode? I'd love to find out, but I need your help, because I'm not sure if he's willing. I need you, I need you to help us do this together. I’ve always needed you all these years. I'd have no one else here but you, Yunzi, now let's go kick some ass!"

Anyway as far as the vote goes go with A. It is beautifully codexian and should be fun to read if nothing else.

 

[a cut of domestic sheep prime]

C>D - Geez, do you boneheads actually think she'll stand there and listen to all that??? He'll get two sentences in before she knees him to the groin and storms off. treave is epic trolling you bros.

 

[treave]

treave, C is where you take this disjointed thing and make it more palatable, right?

I did my best to make it flow.

But none of the lines here are likely to appear in C, sadly. Which is why it is not a filling meal.

How about something like this, same content just a slightly different order:

We have much to talk about and solve between us, but first I want us to complete this together. We're better fighting together than alone. Remember that night against Changfeng? And the fight with the toad demon? Whatever we do, we always end up together. Now, let's finish this gauntlet as we started it. A pair.

Do you trust me? Remember, I did jump off my horse for you. Qilin and Cao'er might refer to you as "third", but you were the one I first proposed to, even if I did not know it at the time. Long ago, I promised you the moon and the stars for your love. I'm still coming up short, but here's a spark to start.

Get up Holy Maiden, this race isn't over yet.

Either I kiss you, or we find a toad demon. And THEN I kiss you. Because I'm not going to leave you. Not again. Though, in truth, I never did. You've always been with me. In my mind...and in my heart."

*whips out the wolfs fang amulet*

“Now if you still want to kill me I understand. My life's in your hands... But I think the Abbot would be terribly disappointed... if I kiss the Abbot right now, will he explode? I'd love to find out, but I need your help, because I'm not sure if he's willing. I need you, I need you to help us do this together. I’ve always needed you all these years. I'd have no one else here but you, Yunzi, now let's go kick some ass!"

Yes, this sounds good.

 

[a cut of domestic sheep prime]

But none of the lines here are likely to appear in C

CCCCCCCCCCCC
edit: CCCCCCCCC

 

[Nevill]

D>C - Geez, do you boneheads actually think she'll stand there and listen to all that??? He'll get two sentences in before she knees him to the groin and storms off. treave is epic trolling you bros.

I will deter to Lambchop's judgement, as I always do in times of crisis.

Flopping to C.

 

[Baltika9]

I dunno man, just the charming bastard Jing saying stuff like that, with his skills, seems very awkward to me.
I mean, how the fuck do you make seven different guys' pickup lines mix? Fuck it, A.

 

[a cut of domestic sheep prime]

 

[treave]

she'll stand there and listen to all that

Of course she will. Wouldn't you? I certainly would.

 

[Nevill]

Geez, do you boneheads actually think she'll stand there and listen to all that???

Lambchop, she just might if she goes in shock after the first two sentences.

 

[Baltika9]

Dude, C is the original plan that would have pissed her off anyway. Let's take a chance on this wonderfully awkward, scizoid smorgasbrod.

 

[Absinthe]

Lets ask treave about that. Treave, I assumed C was more the general outline provided by Nevill and asxetos. What's happening in C?

 

[a cut of domestic sheep prime]

she'll stand there and listen to all that

Of course she will. Wouldn't you?

Nope.

I

certainly would.

And what would you do after you heard it? Come on, bro. Don't you know it's wrong to troll the ?


In all seriousness, I think we need to see the dialog option in C before we vote.

 

[Ganymede]

To me it's more satisfying when feelings are communicated simply.

From a dramatic angle you're right of course, but then Jing's always had a deep-seated insecurity underneath his bravado; one that stems from abandonment issues regarding his true parents and an oftentimes harsh childhood as the Prince's whipping boy. Having just finished off the Shaolin elders in the most elegant, cool-as-a-cucumber way only to crack and blurt out this incredibly clumsy clusterfuck also fits the character and can only lead to great comedy.

A

 

[Baltika9]

How about something like this, same content just a slightly different order:

We have much to talk about and solve between us, but first I want us to complete this together. We're better fighting together than alone. Remember that night against Changfeng? And the fight with the toad demon? Whatever we do, we always end up together. Now, let's finish this gauntlet as we started it. A pair.

Do you trust me? Remember, I did jump off my horse for you. Qilin and Cao'er might refer to you as "third", but you were the one I first proposed to, even if I did not know it at the time. Long ago, I promised you the moon and the stars for your love. I'm still coming up short, but here's a spark to start.

Get up Holy Maiden, this race isn't over yet.

Either I kiss you, or we find a toad demon. And THEN I kiss you. Because I'm not going to leave you. Not again. Though, in truth, I never did. You've always been with me. In my mind...and in my heart."

*whips out the wolfs fang amulet*

“Now if you still want to kill me I understand. My life's in your hands... But I think the Abbot would be terribly disappointed... if I kiss the Abbot right now, will he explode? I'd love to find out, but I need your help, because I'm not sure if he's willing. I need you, I need you to help us do this together. I’ve always needed you all these years. I'd have no one else here but you, Yunzi, now let's go kick some ass!"

Yes, this sounds good.

Is this what A will look like? Because I like this much more than the original Turbodweeb Confession.

 

[Nevill]

It is beautifully codexian and should be fun to read if nothing else.

You are Evil personified, Fangshi. When did you add this one?

Flopping to A.

 

[Elfberserker]

AAAAA

Shock and awe baby!
We went full YOLO with kissing option and changin course at this point brings only disaster.

Once action has been decided, there is only but one option to take. CHARGEEE!!!

 

[a cut of domestic sheep prime]

 

[Baltika9]

 

[Esquilax]

You either YOLO or you don't. No in between.

A