http://i.imgur.com/vTvAnZ8.jpg - "involved into" -> "involved in"
http://i.imgur.com/1wouLZD.jpg - "It happened too fast" -> "It's happened too fast" if you want to convey immediacy.
http://i.imgur.com/YHOVRd0.jpg - "from what you've heard Decanii usually commanded" -> "from what you've heard, Decanii usually command"
http://i.imgur.com/fhqKKmy.jpg - "If you can take your money from me, they are truly yours" -> "...from me, it is..." (NPC speech) Also, the line "The door opens" caught me by surprise, since you never say that the door is closed behind the player. Does the girl slam it shut?
http://i.imgur.com/gWIzVq4.jpg - 1) "didn't know that your friends will end up dead?" -> "...would end up..." 2) "Well, it's life" -> "Well, that's life" sounds better 3) "you're lying in a pool of your blood" -> "...a pool of your own blood" also sounds better
http://i.imgur.com/qKl1oEZ.jpg - "I told you I'll take care of you." -> "I told you I'd take care of you." (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/y3c150S.jpg - "extract revenge on" -> "exact revenge on"
http://i.imgur.com/ntoXQA1.jpg - "left nothing, but crumbling towns" ->"left nothing but crumbling towns"
http://i.imgur.com/YTzX9ja.jpg - "comes to an abrupt end, when" -> "comes to an abrupt end when"
http://i.imgur.com/kYbpN0s.jpg - "I take it, you don't know" -> "I take it you don't know"
http://i.imgur.com/LPwtu54.jpg - "growing up" is a childhood thing and looks weird here. Maybe just "growing" or "growing rapidly"?
http://i.imgur.com/VCE7VtF.jpg - the "result" caption is repeated, and the part in yellow has a typo. Presumably meant for deletion.
http://i.imgur.com/V1T83X3.jpg - "wound. he" -> "wound. He"
http://i.imgur.com/OpEm0R4.jpg - "have an unfinished business" -> "have unfinished..."
http://i.imgur.com/lsAqKF6.jpg - "So, why I shouldn't kill you?" -> "...why shouldn't I..."
http://i.imgur.com/9Z9Ib8x.jpg - "sweating profoundly" -> not wrong at all, but "sweating profusely" is much more common
http://i.imgur.com/9Ij0NUW.jpg - "and sadly, the last of the Magi as the order fell when" -> "...the last of the Magi, as the order..."
http://i.imgur.com/QewLwk5.jpg- "a magus... as thou art, who hast" -> This phrase is a bit unwieldly: "a mage as you are, who have". I'd change it to "as thou art, who hath". Or maybe the unwieldiness is intentional?
http://i.imgur.com/ASGISwP.jpg - "match the penetration power of armor-piercing bolts or brutality of barbed arrows" -> "...or the brutality"
http://i.imgur.com/HsQ6mJO.jpg -> "a map you acquired" -> "a map you've acquired" - really minor
http://i.imgur.com/KNzAEKP.jpg - "The trick... is not the rarity though" - "However, the trick...". Using "though" like that is out of character for a loremaster, I think. Also, is "kobald" meant to be cobalt, using the old German spelling?
http://i.imgur.com/lYUyrOc.jpg - "do his biddings" - not wrong, but the common phrase is "do his bidding".
http://i.imgur.com/xG1sswF.jpg - " 'speak', " -> " 'speak,' "
http://i.imgur.com/XBqyBYQ.jpg - 1) "pre-occupied" -> "preoccupied" is the common form and looks less awkward 2) "nothing to be done, but wait," -> "nothing to be done but wait,"
http://i.imgur.com/Sw6Y6go.jpg - "the Maadoran's Palace" -> drop the "the"
http://i.imgur.com/Fpk0crV.jpg - "within reasons" -> "within reason"
http://i.imgur.com/s4QbQmC.jpg - 1) "the new arrivals are dealt with a surprising speed" -> "...dealt with with...", I'm afraid. Or "...processed with..." 2) "traders... goods... vultures... them... collectors... they... cutthroats... including their lives" -> "...including their victims' lives." The "their" goes all the way back to "traders", which is too much of a distance for easy reading. 3) "much like a drowning man grasps at straws" - strange mental image... soggy straws? Maybe "clings to a splinter of driftwood" or something of the kind.
http://i.imgur.com/gU6xAiu.jpg - "I wanted peace and quiet and what better place to enjoy it than Maadoran" -> "...quiet, and what..."
http://i.imgur.com/6DX46Jt.jpg - "thought that we fight...we have...has a" -> "...were fighting... we had... had a"
http://i.imgur.com/DxpFLY9.jpg - "dreamt to rule" -> "dreamt of ruling"
http://i.imgur.com/jliPI16.jpg - "privelege" -> "privilege"
http://i.imgur.com/3PAj3kX.jpg - "As much as I hate to admit it, but it is" -> strike either "as much as" or "but" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/d94jRGL.jpg - 1) "Ganezzar is": double space 2) "reign them in" -> "rein them in"
http://i.imgur.com/JsxDjL1.jpg - "feels soft to touch" -> uncommon phrasing; might have meant the traditional phrase "feels soft to the touch" instead
http://i.imgur.com/LFfLCi6.jpg - 1) "a couple coins is worth the delay" -> "couple" takes the plural in most cases, so "a couple [of] coins are worth the delay" or "the delay is worth a couple [of] coins"
http://i.imgur.com/0wpthD8.jpg - 1) "lets out a mirthful sigh then turns" -> "...sigh, then turns" 2) "by a long shot but" -> "by a long shot, but" 3) "The more I grow the more money I earn" -> "I grow, the more"
http://i.imgur.com/3XloDK8.jpg - 1) "gold in a Commercium's vault" -> for clarity: "...in a Commercium vault" (NPC speech) 2) "but I hardly notice it what with the Commercium's hand" -> "...notice it, what with..." looks right to me. Hard to tell with a phrase like "what with" though. 3) "let the Houses play their politics I suppose" -> "...politics, I suppose"
http://i.imgur.com/NcH6aDd.jpg - "(comma omitted)" -> I feel like this is an odd thing to say for a merchant.
http://i.imgur.com/WjrNdO6.jpg - 1) "it looks like a gladius but with" -> "gladius, but" 2) "slayed" -> "slew"
http://i.imgur.com/qjjWega.jpg - 1) "haughty nobles and their routines and guards" -> don't fully understand this. Maybe "retinues" instead of routines? Or "on their routines with their guards"? 2) "citizens seeking ruling" -> "rulings"
http://i.imgur.com/Uur6AgP.jpg - "but he the only thing he said" -> "but the..." (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/w8aZwxW.jpg - 1) "Except, Gaelius' legions, of course." -> here I'd strike the first comma 2) "he says finally as if the name" -> "he says finally, as if the name" 3) "if Antidas didn't run" -> "hadn't run" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/rB0OgnF.jpg - 1) "tougher bastard that I thought" -> "than" (NPC speech) 2) "laying low" -> "lying low" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/GWJsacD.jpg - "to find to find" -> strike repetition (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/Ypye4sc.jpg - 1) "by the time we've remembered" -> "we'd" (NPC speech) 2) "given a free reign" -> "given free rein" (NPC speech, but also misspelled)
http://i.imgur.com/saKmfVz.jpg - "whoever's made definitely knew" -> "whoever made it..."
http://i.imgur.com/a6RzyFR.jpg - "the the healer" -> "to the healer"; probably reported a zillion times already
http://i.imgur.com/IvJytnb.jpg - "he sent" -> "he's sent" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/razYotz.jpg - "The don't" -> "They don't" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/dXPBGig.jpg - "The archways... becomes the walkways" -> "...become..." (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/ieyBh9P.jpg - 1) "make better story" -> "make for a better story"? (NPC speech) 2) "I best be going" -> "I'd best..."
http://i.imgur.com/V6RtbX1.jpg - 1) "a few acres field" -> "...of field"? (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/b8j3nMy.jpg - "says one of the man" -> "....men"
http://i.imgur.com/yizF0hJ.jpg - "The man before you is in his fifties, his face is deeply lined and weathered, suggesting..." -> "...fifties. His face..."
http://i.imgur.com/r6KpvkP.jpg - "the longing usually reserved for the loved ones" -> "...for loved ones"
http://i.imgur.com/9vLJgyy.jpg - "look like they've been doing it for a long time, yet still around, which..." -> I would suggest "...doing this ... time. And yet they are still around, which..."
http://i.imgur.com/J8FDRDv.jpg - 1) "find a plenty" -> "find plenty" (NPC speech) 2) "keep the Slums from growing any bigger than it is" -> "...than they are" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/FFPPeUL.jpg - "the only wealth I had to offer for I am as you see a humble man" -> "the only wealth I had to offer, for I am, as you see, a humble man"
http://i.imgur.com/mbQBMax.jpg - "power crackled the air" -> "power crackled in the air" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/0B5bL06.jpg - "the Slums isn't... it. It has" -> "aren't... them. They have" (NPC speech). Treating "the Slums" like a singular seems intentional, but it doesn't sound natural at all.
http://i.imgur.com/rXwlvnW.jpg - " 'Kill him, he shouts" -> " 'Kill him!' he shouts"
http://i.imgur.com/0VjIt5q.jpg - "worth the trouble, if you were" -> strike comma
http://i.imgur.com/EO2uFAb.jpg - "I've got played" -> "I've been played" sounds more natural
http://i.imgur.com/OoR5z9Z.jpg - "Let's say, I believe you" -> can strike comma
http://i.imgur.com/Uq3EtdE.jpg - "He nearly shat himself, when we had a little chat" -> strike comma
http://i.imgur.com/0jfrtI0.jpg - "think that", "corpse. Suddenly" -> looks like two instances of double spaces
http://i.imgur.com/BrrTWb6.jpg - 1) "sent you... who had led", "were assigned", "discovered" -> if all active quest objectives are directly relevant to the present, it should be "has sent you... who has led", "have been assigned", and "have discovered" 2) "The word on the street is that" -> can strike the first "the" to sound more natural
http://i.imgur.com/e6VHgRL.jpg - as above: "had a falling out" -> "has had...", "reached the crater" -> "have reached...", "discovered" -> "have discovered"
http://i.imgur.com/xBrCaXz.jpg - 1) "ancients vats" -> "ancient vats" (NPC speech) 2) "there were always rumor" -> "...rumors" (NPC speech) 3) "have a proof" -> "have proof" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/IzNkWPK.jpg -> "Let's get it to it then" -> "...get to it..."
http://i.imgur.com/sVERbFI.jpg -> 1) "trust the Imperial Guards and the recent" -> "...Guards, and..." 2) "didn't improve" -> "haven't improved" (NPC speech, very minor) 3) "He made a deal" -> "He's made..." (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/v03m5Dz.jpg - 1) "two walls blocked" -> "two walls block" 2) "Perhaps, too well," -> strike first comma
http://i.imgur.com/va2KDpF.jpg - 1) "distict. The" and "pot hanging" both look like there's a double space. 2) "hanging over fire" -> "... over [the/a] fire"
http://i.imgur.com/2a8AK2o.jpg - "Let's not split hair" -> "...split hairs" (NPC speech)
http://i.imgur.com/UQGFf5M.jpg - "cemetary" -> "cemetery"
http://i.imgur.com/OPOVWoH.jpg - "Perhaps, now is not a good time" -> strike comma
http://i.imgur.com/ZqNnVKs.jpg - "thugh" -> "thug" 2) "If you're still here, when I'm done..." -> strike comma
http://i.imgur.com/0P4RyTY.jpg - "You came" -> "You've come" (NPC speech, very minor)
http://i.imgur.com/gfvgOZy.jpg - "now that you did" -> "now that you have"
http://i.imgur.com/CAu8KKa.jpg - "down. he" -> "down. He"
http://i.imgur.com/Lv7ZZaF.jpg - "The contents... was never... It" -> "...were never...They" (NPC speech)