treave
Arcane
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2008
- Messages
- 11,370
First Post
So. Where do I begin? Maybe I should start with why I’m making this post here. It’s simple. For some reason, this is the only website I can access. No, I’m not complaining about it, nuh uh. I’m feeling lucky that I’m able to get online at all, especially when it shouldn’t even be possible. Cross-dimensional internet, ha ha ha, what a joke. Perhaps it’s thanks to that weird-ass ISC chip I scavenged, but… nah.
Anyway, back to more serious matters. I’m posting this here because I’m asking for your help. Believe it or not, right now I am stuck in another world. Yeah, a different world with magic and stuff you only see in fantasy. Well, I don’t really know much about all that crap because I’ve only been here for… let’s see… two days? And holy fucking hell am I eager to leave. I’ve had better tasting week-old fast food from the bins, that’s how shit the food is. There’s a cot, but I’ve slept on cleaner goddamned newspapers too. As they say, judge a country by how it treats its prisoners, and right now I can say this country has a very bad jail, the worst I’ve been in by far. And I’ve been in my fair share back in our world, so I know what I’m talking about.
Yeah, I’m in prison. I didn’t do nothing wrong, probably, except stumble drunk into some glowing blue portal and accidentally falling on top of some pretty princess. Might’ve got a bit handsy here and there when I had the chance, but who wouldn’t? Sure there was a fair distance between the summoning circle and the princess but hey, momentum is momentum. And I was drunk.
Anyway, anyway, getting serious, for real, this time. I need help. Yeah, I’m stuck in another world so it’s not like I’m expecting you guys to call for the cops or the army or anything. I just want some opinions on what I should do. I mean, I’ve sorta screwed up my life so far doing only what I want, so I figured it might be a better experiment to ask what other people think I should do instead. Not like I actually give that much of a shit, no offense, but I’ll try my best to care.
So, let’s see. Yeah, I should give you guys a bit more information about my present conditions, shouldn’t I?
Right. I’m in a pretty standard jail cell. Rough, packed earth for a floor. There’s some straw and a bug-packed cot, and a tiny hole to relieve myself. The wall’s solid rock, I’m not digging through that any time soon. No holes in it either. Ventilation down here is pretty crappy, let me tell you that. And I mean that literally too.
The bars are set pretty firmly into the ceiling and the floor, and the door’s the type that swings open outwards. All made of iron, I think. Or at least a rather hard metal. The lock is built into the door, not external.
Speaking of which, there are three guards here. Haven’t spoken to them yet. Yeah, somehow I can understand their language. It’s something to do with the portal, apparently. That’s how I know I got dragged here for outraging the princess’s modesty. Anyway, they’re playing cards at the moment. I can’t really distinguish between them so I’ll just call them Guard A, Guard B, and Guard C.
Guard A seems to be the most senior of them all, a middle-aged man with a great big bushy beard, and he’s the one with the keys. Guards B and C look like they’re in their thirties, both with notable facial hair too. Guess shaving’s not part of their uniform. They’re playing cards right now.
Besides that, to my left and right I can see, through the bars, the adjacent cells. The cell on my left has some skinny guy, and the cell on my left has what I think is a woman. Well, she’s got long hair and what seems to be some curves that I can see through those rags, so that’s what I’ll assume. I have been wrong before, granted, but not often.
So, Codex, what should I do?
Try to pick the lock? I'm not confident about my skills, but hey, this is a primitive fantasy world and a crappy jail, I don't think the locks are going to be that hard. I might be able to scrounge up something in this cell to jiggle that latch. Not sure how I'm going to sneak out of here but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Should I talk to the guards instead, try to make friends with them so that they don't kick my teeth in, find out how long I'm going to be here for and if they're going to take my head off?
Maybe talk to my fellow inmates? They don't seem to be chatty, but I guess I could try and persuade them to spill.
Or should I just say fuck it and start watching the porn I stored on my phone instead? I still have some battery to spare, I guess. Yeah, I actually do have to find a way to recharge this phone or it's going to be a real shitty stay, but whatever.
I'm not really hoping for much, so just say whatever comes to mind and I'll see if it's doable.
So. Where do I begin? Maybe I should start with why I’m making this post here. It’s simple. For some reason, this is the only website I can access. No, I’m not complaining about it, nuh uh. I’m feeling lucky that I’m able to get online at all, especially when it shouldn’t even be possible. Cross-dimensional internet, ha ha ha, what a joke. Perhaps it’s thanks to that weird-ass ISC chip I scavenged, but… nah.
Anyway, back to more serious matters. I’m posting this here because I’m asking for your help. Believe it or not, right now I am stuck in another world. Yeah, a different world with magic and stuff you only see in fantasy. Well, I don’t really know much about all that crap because I’ve only been here for… let’s see… two days? And holy fucking hell am I eager to leave. I’ve had better tasting week-old fast food from the bins, that’s how shit the food is. There’s a cot, but I’ve slept on cleaner goddamned newspapers too. As they say, judge a country by how it treats its prisoners, and right now I can say this country has a very bad jail, the worst I’ve been in by far. And I’ve been in my fair share back in our world, so I know what I’m talking about.
Yeah, I’m in prison. I didn’t do nothing wrong, probably, except stumble drunk into some glowing blue portal and accidentally falling on top of some pretty princess. Might’ve got a bit handsy here and there when I had the chance, but who wouldn’t? Sure there was a fair distance between the summoning circle and the princess but hey, momentum is momentum. And I was drunk.
Anyway, anyway, getting serious, for real, this time. I need help. Yeah, I’m stuck in another world so it’s not like I’m expecting you guys to call for the cops or the army or anything. I just want some opinions on what I should do. I mean, I’ve sorta screwed up my life so far doing only what I want, so I figured it might be a better experiment to ask what other people think I should do instead. Not like I actually give that much of a shit, no offense, but I’ll try my best to care.
So, let’s see. Yeah, I should give you guys a bit more information about my present conditions, shouldn’t I?
Right. I’m in a pretty standard jail cell. Rough, packed earth for a floor. There’s some straw and a bug-packed cot, and a tiny hole to relieve myself. The wall’s solid rock, I’m not digging through that any time soon. No holes in it either. Ventilation down here is pretty crappy, let me tell you that. And I mean that literally too.
The bars are set pretty firmly into the ceiling and the floor, and the door’s the type that swings open outwards. All made of iron, I think. Or at least a rather hard metal. The lock is built into the door, not external.
Speaking of which, there are three guards here. Haven’t spoken to them yet. Yeah, somehow I can understand their language. It’s something to do with the portal, apparently. That’s how I know I got dragged here for outraging the princess’s modesty. Anyway, they’re playing cards at the moment. I can’t really distinguish between them so I’ll just call them Guard A, Guard B, and Guard C.
Guard A seems to be the most senior of them all, a middle-aged man with a great big bushy beard, and he’s the one with the keys. Guards B and C look like they’re in their thirties, both with notable facial hair too. Guess shaving’s not part of their uniform. They’re playing cards right now.
Besides that, to my left and right I can see, through the bars, the adjacent cells. The cell on my left has some skinny guy, and the cell on my left has what I think is a woman. Well, she’s got long hair and what seems to be some curves that I can see through those rags, so that’s what I’ll assume. I have been wrong before, granted, but not often.
So, Codex, what should I do?
Try to pick the lock? I'm not confident about my skills, but hey, this is a primitive fantasy world and a crappy jail, I don't think the locks are going to be that hard. I might be able to scrounge up something in this cell to jiggle that latch. Not sure how I'm going to sneak out of here but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Should I talk to the guards instead, try to make friends with them so that they don't kick my teeth in, find out how long I'm going to be here for and if they're going to take my head off?
Maybe talk to my fellow inmates? They don't seem to be chatty, but I guess I could try and persuade them to spill.
Or should I just say fuck it and start watching the porn I stored on my phone instead? I still have some battery to spare, I guess. Yeah, I actually do have to find a way to recharge this phone or it's going to be a real shitty stay, but whatever.
I'm not really hoping for much, so just say whatever comes to mind and I'll see if it's doable.