NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

Probably in response to the E3 Tomb Raider video. Dem devs sure love heaping the pain on teenage girls.


Also, neat they're announcing the day0 DLC while the game isn't even gone gold yet. Classy

 

And they're right, it's one of the strongest selling points the industry ever came up with, better than feelies and discounts. Just read comments from gamers who like this system, it almost always ends with that quote. "It's EXTRA content that you don't have to buy, why are you whining? "

 

I don't get splashing stuff on the screen. Some things might make sense, head wound or something. But water splatter from barrels now? How is that going to obstruct your view? Is there a single guy to thank for all this stupid stuff?

 

It's a pity. I was kind of hoping it wouldn't be this derptastic since I've always had a soft spot for titties Tomb Raider. Day-0 DLC? Check. Linear tunnel level? Check. More shootan than platforman? Check. Cutscenes every 3 seconds? Check. Quick-time events? Check. "Awesome" canned execution moves from a teenager? Check.


Lara, what have they done to you?

 

I'd still hit it

 

Looks like they are totally copying Uncharted then, where you have an action/shooter level and then a puzzle/platformer level - rinse & repeat until final boss. And naturally, cutscenes ahoy, as otherwise player's aren't emotionally engaged.

 

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2012/06/07/pc-gaming-e3s-dirty-little-secret/

 

Now you are aware of her hairy face.

 

Eh. Young Lara is one hot piece of tail. But the game itself looks awful.

 

Looks like living BDSM show not Tomb Raider. The amount of punishment they gave a female character in that one piece of gameplay sickens me

 

It'd be interesting to hear what our resident white knight hiver thinks of the pummeling the helpless girl receives in that video.

Personally I think it's a goddamn shame they squandered the oppertunity to make a semi-open sandbox style survival-slash-platformer out of it. Exploring a far cry style island with some interesting climbing bits and pretty ruins/vistas would be awesome. Have the player decide between various objectives (hunt for food to have more health, scavenge fuel/equipment from shipwrecks, explore mysterious ruins for a way off the island etc) every day, then pick the hiking route from base camp to the objective with some light stealth/shootan with the local wildlife, then 3d platforming/puzzle once you get there.


Instead we get uncharted with tits.

 

Eh? At least she isn't a pretty face any more, but an adventurer meant to receive abuse. Why would it be any different if it were a man receiving all that environmental punishment?

 

Yeah not sure what the crying is about. Just earlier a guy took a fucking arrow to his eye. But some female breaking a few ribs. OH SHIT ABUSE

 

Not impressed. Looks like a third person shooter. I think Underworld will be the last real Tomb Raider game for me.

Also, DLC exclusivity makes me want to hate it. Underworld had 360 exclusive DLC too, never found its way to PC, I may not be missing anything, it may be shit, but it is still a kick in the balls.

 

I remember there's a couple of missions in Operation Flashpoint which are a bit like that. You basically start with the rest of your army at a beach that is being invaded. Your leader gives the order to retreat, but while trying to get away with your guys, they're all shot. Now there is actually a quicker way to finish that level, but when I first tried it it took me hours and hours. I ended up running and hiding around most of that island, dodging patrols of large enemy groups and tanks, picking off guys who were on their own. Throughout the whole thing I was conscious of my ammo, my injuries, and changing my plan when my route became blocked. Of course, games like that are too intelligent for the general audience today, or at least that is what publishers think.

 

Guy taking an arrow to the eye -- 0.5 seconds + surprised grunt

Lara falling down the BDSM tree, hitting every branch on the way (quite literally) - several minutes of closeups, sobbing and whining.

I'm not quite at the point where I'd say it offends me. But judging from the amount of screen time it received the development team sure seem to enjoy pummelling the girl.
But hey. Maybe some of the random bad guys will be black and armed with machetes. The subsequent rule34 would catapult this into the kkkodex best gaem evar.


But I'm still mighty butthurt. The Tomb Raider series was a guilty pleasure of mine where you endured the thankfully infrequent QTEs to enjoy the platforming, exploration and pretty vistas. Turning it into another goddamn cover shooter is borderline criminal.

 

Another White Knight... How nice.

So this is oficiall RPG, Platform games, and shooters are all one Pop a mole cinemtic emotional engagements?

Also Not enough Tits to feel

 

I can believe Jackie Chan survive being wounded in belly riding down stream falling into cabin on plane so hard it almost breaks glass going down waterfall with a parachute and then hitting a few pinetrees and then breaking ribs by falling down through trees... I can even see some comedy in that. Lara Croft? Ehh, not so much.

Pretty much. White knight? She is not a real person to defend from something (or someone). But it does't mean I can't feel a bit sick seeing a woman get a beating only a professional stuntsman could survive, surely done because someone in a dev team find it aesthetically acceptable and "cool".

 

tl;dr -- I don't mind Lara getting falcon punched in her uterus. I mind said falconpunching taking precedence over climbing around ruins, outrunning boulder traps and shooting endangered animals.

 

The bad guys are supposed to be pirates, so...

 

Oh. I'm quite protective of my Lara. I still remember how hideous her screams were in the previous games whenever she fell from a great height, or onto spikes or something gruesome like that. I never enjoyed those moments.

 

I don't mind what happens to Tomb Raider series at all, but what they show is certanly more dumb than solving puzzles and making carefully thought out platforming combos.

 

WHERE IS MY FUCKING ANCIENT-RUIN-FILLED-WITH-TRAPS-AND-PUZZLES EXPLORATION GAMEPLAY

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A TOMB RAIDER GAME
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT RAIDING TOMBS
FFS

 

I enjoyed this video and the scene with tree brutally raping her almost gave me boner.
(Except they made fucking TR a cinematic, emotionally engaging experience filled with QTEs and covers)
Won't be surprised if yet another ugly cunt from IGN will go fight the oppresive patriarchal society, after seeing this.