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NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

Discussion in 'General Gaming' started by Jaesun, Mar 15, 2011.

Page 704 of 1352

Brzęczyszczykiewicz Arcane

Joined:

Oct 13, 2012

Messages:

1,161

Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17576

Whisky said: ↑

Infinitron said: ↑

http://www.amazon.com/Baldurs-Gate-Eleanor-Clark/dp/B0013FI0Y4

O_o
Click to expand...

It can't be worse than the real Baldur's Gate novel.

Fucking Abdel.
Click to expand...

Indeed real BG novels are really something:
Abdel Adrian by the time of book was already sellsword for years
Gorion let him out of Candlekeep because he was big and not very bright
As in he couldn't remember his own surname
Gorion gets killed by random thug with crossbow
Abdel forgets Gorion last words day after his death
(his as in gorion)
he then meet Xzar and Montarion
they go to the friendly arms inn
they meet Jaheira and Khalid
Khalid is abusive husband
Abdel is immedietaly attracted to Jaheira
Khalid is macho in that book
Jaheira tries to cheat on khalid with abdel
but he is too stupid and punches her instead
Khalid dies to some random slime
They meet Xan who is warrior in book
Xan dies to spider
Then we get half page long description of that fat laty death in spider forest
half page of gore
Sarevok is wizard in that book
Angelo is enemy of Sarevok
Even thought sarevok is cornered by army he still gets one on one duel with Abdel
oh and Abdel get his hands "history of dead three" in the book
he can't read it so instead he watches pictures

And that is only first one!

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DeepOcean Arcane

Joined:

Nov 8, 2012

Messages:

5,853

Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17577

Coriolanus said: ↑

DeepOcean said: ↑

Ninjerk said: ↑

LundB said: ↑

Coriolanus said: ↑

This "CoD bros" culture is completely alien to me, where I'm from playing video games is automatically linked to being an extreme nerd and manchild.
Click to expand...

From what I've heard from friends living back in the Kwa, over there it isn't really a nerd thing or a manchild thing. It's just a series that just about every guy between 10 and late 20s has played at least one game from. It seems to be more in the sports game niche than anything else, completely mainstream.
Click to expand...

Yep. :/
Click to expand...

How I feel nostalgia for the time where gamming as a whole was considerated a nerdy thing.
Click to expand...

It's awful, when you pretty much have to keep this hobby secret from everybody except your closest friends or be labeled a weirdo.
Click to expand...

But, at that time, I still had a hobby, now hipsters and dudebros stolen most of it.

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Machocruz Arcane

Joined:

Jul 7, 2011

Messages:

3,234

Location:

Hyperborea
Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17578

Maybe computer games were considered nerdy. But most boys I knew or knew of had an Atari or NES at some point, even the athletes and trouble-makers. Super Mario and Tecmo Bowl were played by all sorts of people. Arcades had an even more diverse crowd.

Never felt any kind of stigma, but then I was able to move between social circles fairly easily. Either sociopath who mimics group behavior, or one of the few truly balanced human beings
Brofist x 1
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JarlFrank I like Thief THIS much

Joined:

Jan 4, 2007

Messages:

25,137

Location:

Secret Lab of the Warrior-Magus of Esoteric RPGism

Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17579

Brzęczyszczykiewicz said: ↑

Whisky said: ↑

Infinitron said: ↑

http://www.amazon.com/Baldurs-Gate-Eleanor-Clark/dp/B0013FI0Y4

O_o
Click to expand...

It can't be worse than the real Baldur's Gate novel.

Fucking Abdel.
Click to expand...

Indeed real BG novels are really something:
Abdel Adrian by the time of book was already sellsword for years
Gorion let him out of Candlekeep because he was big and not very bright
As in he couldn't remember his own surname
Gorion gets killed by random thug with crossbow
Abdel forgets Gorion last words day after his death
(his as in gorion)
he then meet Xzar and Montarion
they go to the friendly arms inn
they meet Jaheira and Khalid
Khalid is abusive husband
Abdel is immedietaly attracted to Jaheira
Khalid is macho in that book
Jaheira tries to cheat on khalid with abdel
but he is too stupid and punches her instead
Khalid dies to some random slime
They meet Xan who is warrior in book
Xan dies to spider
Then we get half page long description of that fat laty death in spider forest
half page of gore
Sarevok is wizard in that book
Angelo is enemy of Sarevok
Even thought sarevok is cornered by army he still gets one on one duel with Abdel
oh and Abdel get his hands "history of dead three" in the book
he can't read it so instead he watches pictures

And that is only first one!
Click to expand...

Still a better plot than Dragon Age 2.

Books by me: German: Die Kleine Gelbe Kröte | English: Christmas Presents
Anthologies with stories by me: English: Space Pirates | Deluge (also on Smashwords) | Unicornado! (ebook on Smashwords) | Strangely Funny III (my story has a Jinni in it so it's Andhaira-approved) | Fantastically Horny (yes it's fantasy erotica) | How Beer Saved the World 2 German: Funny Fantasy
Mods and stuff: Thief FMs: Shoes and Dresses, Tower of Jorge, The New Sheriff, In&Out (Collab with FrenchDecay and marbleman)

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Whisky The Solution

Joined:

Feb 22, 2012

Messages:

8,555

Location:

Banjoville, British Columbia

Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17580

The really scary thing is...

I wonder if killing off Khalid and having Jaheira fall in love with the MC in BG2 was inspired from that...

Oh, and apparently Xan manages to survive that spider death and appears in BG2 novel. And Minsc has hair in it. (Actually, it's really funny how the first novel focuses on unpopular characters. I love how the author thought Montaron was a really cool dude.)

Yandros-Penetretator said: ↑

whisky...why you dont kill your self ?
Click to expand...

Cleveland Mark Blakemore said: ↑

The Neanderthals were cheese eaters.
Click to expand...

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Infinitron I post news

Joined:

Jan 28, 2011

Messages:

82,843

Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17581

Perhaps it was an attempt to portray the "Bhaal genes" as a kind of mental retardation? The child of the God of Murder is a dumb murderous oaf - makes sense.

Honestly it sounds like the author to decided the books would be an experiment in writing a story from the perspective of an INT 3 barbaric oaf character.

^ Top
Unkillable Cat LEST WE FORGET

Joined:

May 13, 2009

Messages:

19,898

Sep 22, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17582

Don't be unfair to Groo - he is an INT 4 character.

Thiaf (2014) - this game wouldn't be worth your money even if it shipped with a brewery and a brothel.
Click to expand...

^ Top
DalekFlay Arcane

Joined:

Oct 5, 2010

Messages:

11,516

Location:

New Vegas

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17583

Ex-Biowhore Jen Helper explains her thoughts on combat in RPGs in a Kickstarter update for her dead man walking "Ambrov"...

My Thoughts on Combat - Jennifer Hepler
So, first a disclaimer. I am currently a story consultant for Loreful, and if I join the team full time, it will be as lead writer, with no more input into the combat design than, say, a character artist or voice actor. (Just as my sole contribution to combat on Dragon Age II was to submit a bug saying the wave fights were tedious.) So, me telling you my thoughts about combat isn’t really any different than the crazy guy in the bar saying, “Now, let me tell you a thing or two about politics…” But people seem to keep harping on some things I said about combat many years ago, or more precisely, things they think I said about combat, so I’m going to set the record straight.

The videogame industry has a serious problem with non-completion of games. Only between about twenty-five and fifty percent of people who buy a game actually play it to the end. (I have much more precise numbers but they are proprietary to Bioware, so I’m going to be vague, but believe me that these numbers are real, even if they don’t represent you and your friends). I’m sure some of those players who don’t finish have external reasons – Xbox red-ring of death… leaving for college… car accident… – but the most frequently cited reasons for not finishing a game, far and away are:

1. Getting “stuck” on a combat the player couldn’t get past.

2. Getting bored with the grind and never picking it back up again.

Non-completion of games is a huge problem. As a game developer and wife of a game developer, and friend of game developers and friend of wives of game developers, I know how hard people work to make these games. It is an effort of hundreds of people working nights and weekends, destroying their health and sacrificing family time and sometimes their marriages in order to get this entertainment into the hands of players. Roughly two-thirds of whom never even finish!

Think about that. If that were the statistic for movies, it would mean that of every couple who walks into a movie theater at least one of them will leave before the end of the movie. In reality, how many movies have you walked out of in your life? And how many games have you left unfinished? What would be seen as a staggering failure in one form of entertainment is accepted as inevitable by ours, but the two most common reasons for abandoning a game are both related to combat and both incredibly easy to fix.

Over the past decade or two, games have already made great strides on number one. Many (possibly most?) games now offer different difficulty levels, and many (most?) of those allow you to change difficulty on the fly. In Bioware games, there are often load screen hints suggesting that if a fight is too difficult, you reduce the difficulty level so you can get through it. But for people already struggling on the lowest difficulty, those hints don’t help, since there is no lower difficulty to bounce to. It seems like an obvious next step to allow a “skip combat” or “press to win” option that players can select when a particular fight is too tough for them. This way, when you buy a game, you will always know that there is a way to complete it and have a satisfying experience regardless of your skill level.

It is ironic to me the backlash that this idea has gotten from hardcore gamers, many of whom are also hardcore anti-DRM protestors. Ultimately, we are making the same case: once you spend your hard-earned money to buy a game, you should be able to play it any way you want. Anti-DRM protestors don’t like being told they have to be always on-line and sometimes endure long queues to play the games they own; many other players and potential players don’t like knowing that they could spend $60 on a game only to be told they’re not allowed to play past the first boss fight.

The second issue is equally simple to resolve. It’s no secret that games have two types of combat – important fun fights and grinding through mooks. The mook combats are there to serve two functions: They let players practice the skills they will need to get through the more important fights and they draw out the play time, allowing the companies to advertise a game as “60+ hours long!” And sometimes they can be fun. But other times, they are a tremendous drag. And in a game with story, there is no reason not to allow players to select at the beginning of the game (or tied to the difficulty level) to have many fewer of these “speed bump” combats. This would also make the games more appealing to audiences for whom the idea of committing 60 hours to something is cause for stress, not joy. As players get older and have jobs and families and outside commitments, it becomes increasingly important to make sure that games give the most bang for their buck not only for the people who measure “dollars per hour of fun” but for the people who measure “can I have fun with this in the one free hour I have a month?”

The most common objection I hear from other developers about reducing combat in games or making challenging encounters easier to win is “but it’s so satisfying to lose and lose and lose and then finally beat the bastard!” Which is true – there is a rush when you beat an encounter that at first seemed too difficult. But it’s also awfully close to saying “I love beating my head against a wall because it feels so good when it stops.” If you love fights exactly the way they are now, great – that’s what higher difficulty levels are for. But the two thirds of players who never finish most games are obviously not willing or able to get to the triumph – for them, the game is remembered only as frustrating and eventually games in general become too associated with frustration to keep playing.

And for a sequel-driven industry, this is crippling, since low completion rates mean you can’t predict future game sales based on previous ones. Dragon Age II sold fewer copies than Dragon Age: Origins -- but how much was that influenced by lower reviews and some poor word-of-mouth, and how much was from the fact that the vast, vast majority of Origins sales were to people who never finished the first game and had no desire to pick up a sequel? We’ll never know. But we do know that every time the industry has made a move toward making games more open to new players, less challenging, easier to learn and easier to complete, the industry as a whole has grown and thrived.

Our goal on Ambrov X is a 100% completion rate. We want to make a game that is compelling enough that you want to see the ending, short enough that everyone will have time to play it, challenging for those who want it and supportive for those who need it, and that will make sure nothing comes between you and making peace in the galaxy.

Click to expand...

GAMES AREN'T MOVIES YOU DUMB BITCH!!!

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tuluse Arcane

Joined:

Jul 20, 2008

Messages:

11,399
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17584

The best part is that she has correctly identified a problem. There are too many boring fights. Her solution is to add a skip button to fights instead of making all fights interesting or allowing alternate gameplay to avoid fights.

Edit:

And for a sequel-driven industry, this is crippling, since low completion rates mean you can’t predict future game sales based on previous ones. Dragon Age II sold fewer copies than Dragon Age: Origins -- but how much was that influenced by lower reviews and some poor word-of-mouth, and how much was from the fact that the vast, vast majority of Origins sales were to people who never finished the first game and had no desire to pick up a sequel? We’ll never know. But we do know that every time the industry has made a move toward making games more open to new players, less challenging, easier to learn and easier to complete, the industry as a whole has grown and thrived.
Click to expand...

Oh shit this is priceless. Bioware has made 4 sequels. BG2, DA2, ME2, and ME3. BG2 and ME2 both sold well more than the previous game, while ME3 sold about the same, and DA2 was well short.

Yeah must have been the difficult fights in DA:O. What a disingenuous argument to make.

Last edited: Sep 23, 2013

Emulate Android Guide
Brofist x 11
^ Top
felipepepe Codex's Heretic

Joined:

Feb 2, 2007

Messages:

16,637

Location:

Terra da Garoa
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17585

No need to get mad, they won't even get funded, the invisible hand of market is showing a very clear middle finger to this kind of ideas and people.

The updated PDF of the CRPG Book is out, grab it HERE!
フエフエ
Brofist x 7
^ Top
Spectacle Arcane

Joined:

May 25, 2006

Messages:

7,116

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17586

DalekFlay said: ↑

Think about that. If that were the statistic for movies, it would mean that of every couple who walks into a movie theater at least one of them will leave before the end of the movie. In reality, how many movies have you walked out of in your life? And how many games have you left unfinished? What would be seen as a staggering failure in one form of entertainment is accepted as inevitable by ours, but the two most common reasons for abandoning a game are both related to combat and both incredibly easy to fix.

Click to expand...

GAMES AREN'T MOVIES YOU DUMB BITCH!!!
Click to expand...

While I've never walked out of a cinema, there have been many movies I've started watching at home but turned off before they're finished. Hamburger logic is retarded.

Plz rate this post with a parrot, thx.

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Infinitron I post news

Joined:

Jan 28, 2011

Messages:

82,843
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17587

And she's saying these things in an update on Kickstarter, a platform which is almost by definition aimed towards enthusiasts, people who like games so much they're willing to pay for them years in advance. Does she even see the irony in this? Probably not.
Brofist x 1
^ Top
DalekFlay Arcane

Joined:

Oct 5, 2010

Messages:

11,516

Location:

New Vegas
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17588

Infinitron said: ↑

And she's saying these things in an update on Kickstarter, a platform which is almost by definition aimed towards enthusiasts, people who like games so much they're willing to pay for them years in advance. Does she even see the irony in this? Probably not.
Click to expand...

Yes, the very people she is asking money from are the people she considers "others" and not her audience. It's fucking hilarious.
Brofist x 1
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Spectacle Arcane

Joined:

May 25, 2006

Messages:

7,116
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17589

Infinitron said: ↑

And she's saying these things in an update on Kickstarter, a platform which is almost by definition aimed towards enthusiasts, people who like games so much they're willing to pay for them years in advance. Does she even see the irony in this? Probably not.
Click to expand...

I guess they are desperate and are trolling to stir up a storm of nerdrage. Which they will then portray as an attack on Hepler for being a woman, and induce white knights to pledge for the game.

Plz rate this post with a parrot, thx.
Brofist x 3
^ Top
Awor Szurkrarz Arcane

Joined:

Dec 11, 2009

Messages:

21,905

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17590

The two last pages contain some seriously sickening stuff.

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned;
they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen."

^ Top
tuluse Arcane

Joined:

Jul 20, 2008

Messages:

11,399
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17591

felipepepe said: ↑

No need to get mad, they won't even get funded, the invisible hand of market is showing a very clear middle finger to this kind of ideas and people.
Click to expand...

Getting mad at Hepler is like getting mad at a 10 year old for not being able to do calculus. She is unable to comprehend of an RPG that has other things besides story and combat.

Last edited: Sep 23, 2013

Emulate Android Guide
Brofist x 1
^ Top
DeepOcean Arcane

Joined:

Nov 8, 2012

Messages:

5,853

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17592

DalekFlay said: ↑

Ex-Biowhore Jen Helper...
Click to expand...

Really? If that is true, I still don't have much hope for DA III but at least won't make me vomit.

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Ninjerk Arcane

Joined:

Jul 10, 2013

Messages:

12,604

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17593

Isn't mook a racial slur? Someone needs to tell Kotaku.

ok in all seriousness here is some serious help you sound like a fucked up person

Burn bridges with everybody you can until you feel you could say you have begun "a new stage of your life" then tear off the door from your bathroom and place it in a spot where you can see the toilet but arent actually in the bathroom. Settle in on the door (recomend fair supply of water, food only if you must) then repeat the words "I am a liminal exploder" as you look through the doorway. Do this for 3 nights and when you are finished follow all instructions the toilet tells you.

^ Top
agentorange Arcane

Joined:

Aug 14, 2012

Messages:

4,548
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17594

Infinitron said: ↑

Perhaps it was an attempt to portray the "Bhaal genes" as a kind of mental retardation? The child of the God of Murder is a dumb murderous oaf - makes sense.

Honestly it sounds like the author to decided the books would be an experiment in writing a story from the perspective of an INT 3 barbaric oaf character.

Click to expand...

Except Bhaal became the god of murder by outsmarting the other two gods

Considering the Khalid being abusive to Jaheira and having her fall in love with the main character part, I think the author was just writing the story he LARPed in-game.

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ ʕ ͡·ᴥ ͡· ʔ
Brofist x 1
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Cowboy Moment Arcane

Joined:

Feb 8, 2011

Messages:

4,394

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17595

Spectacle said: ↑

Infinitron said: ↑

And she's saying these things in an update on Kickstarter, a platform which is almost by definition aimed towards enthusiasts, people who like games so much they're willing to pay for them years in advance. Does she even see the irony in this? Probably not.
Click to expand...

I guess they are desperate and are trolling to stir up a storm of nerdrage. Which they will then portray as an attack on Hepler for being a woman, and induce white knights to pledge for the game.
Click to expand...

Pessimistic as I am about the state of the world, even I doubt there's $400k+ worth of whiteknight indignation out there.

Let's Read Freesia, where you are the last thing holding a schizophreniac's mind together. And rape.

hiver said: ↑

and btw im moar like The Smiling Knight, instead of some silly whiteknight you fucking delusional twat.

Click to expand...

Roguey said: ↑

It's both funny and pathetic how so many of you seriously respond to such lazy trolls.

Click to expand...

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Night Goat The Immovable Autism

Joined:

May 6, 2013

Messages:

1,865,091

Location:

[redacted]
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17596

Cowboy Moment said: ↑

Pessimistic as I am about the state of the world, even I doubt there's $400k+ worth of whiteknight indignation out there.
Click to expand...

I'm sure the white knights would throw down that much if they had a moderately attractive woman to be their Dulcinea, but the Hamburglar? Not gonna happen.

root: like NG legit knows he's a troglodyte of sorts and he doesnt't care if shit goes to shit, cuz there's considerations to be made

Sankarihauta: you are absolutely evil night goat
Brofist x 1
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Ninjerk Arcane

Joined:

Jul 10, 2013

Messages:

12,604

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17597

Look at the distribution of backers, there's a few people that think its worth thousands of dollars. I wonder if BSN has gotten a hold of it yet.

ok in all seriousness here is some serious help you sound like a fucked up person

Burn bridges with everybody you can until you feel you could say you have begun "a new stage of your life" then tear off the door from your bathroom and place it in a spot where you can see the toilet but arent actually in the bathroom. Settle in on the door (recomend fair supply of water, food only if you must) then repeat the words "I am a liminal exploder" as you look through the doorway. Do this for 3 nights and when you are finished follow all instructions the toilet tells you.

^ Top
Awor Szurkrarz Arcane

Joined:

Dec 11, 2009

Messages:

21,905
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17598

http://sculptor-cheung.blogspot.com/2013/09/metal-slug.html

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned;
they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen."
Brofist x 3
^ Top
Gondolin Arcane

Joined:

Oct 6, 2007

Messages:

4,240

Location:

In the Playground, reading LPs

Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17599

Awor Szurkrarz said: ↑

http://sculptor-cheung.blogspot.com/2013/09/metal-slug.html

Click to expand...

Holy shit. Are those WWII models for sale?

Take your gold, you greedy old son-of-a-bitch. Take all of it, no need to say thank you. Because this is for every developer's decision based on market research. This is for every unasked-for innovation. This is for every piece of marketing bullshit that claims human beings are all too stupid to understand basic maths and that removing core elements isn't dumbing down. This is for every excuse, every lie, every justification for making bad games, bad RPGs, and getting rich off the profits from them. - grotsnik

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Spectacle Arcane

Joined:

May 25, 2006

Messages:

7,116
Sep 23, 2013 Stats Ignoring

#17600

Xor said: ↑

For some reason I thought PowerPC came out in the 80s rather than 1992, but 21 years ago is still pretty ancient in the computer world. In 1992, the pentium wouldn't come out until a year later and people were still using Windows 3.0.
Click to expand...

Not when it comes to processor architectures, which last for a long time. PowerPC is one of the newer architectures, "pretty ancient" is something like MIPS from 1981 or x86 from 1978. We're talking about the base architures here, not individual processors.

Plz rate this post with a parrot, thx.
Brofist x 1
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