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1eyedking Gnomescom 2016, August 16-21

Discussion in 'General Gaming' started by Ed123, Aug 13, 2016.

?

Which city is most deserving of another firebombing?

  1. Berlin

    21.4%
  2. Hamburg

    4.8%
  3. Munich

    2.4%
  4. Cologne

    21.4%
  5. Frankfurt

    11.9%
  6. Essen

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  7. Dortmund

    2.4%
  8. Stuttgart

    2.4%
  9. Düsseldorf

    2.4%
  10. Bremen

    2.4%
  11. Brian Fargo (KC)

    28.6%
  1. Ed123 Arcane Patron

    Ed123
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    Each year, the games industry is rocked by a number of major trade conventions, where eagerly-awaited exclusive AAA titles are unveiled and the all the big names hawk their wares to excited fans and journalists. Gamescom is not one of these. Invariably hosted by Europe's most boring country, the event is plagued by middling and irrelevent publishers specializing in niche genres like RPGs and tactical wargames, whose wheezing manchild fanbase forego events like E3 out of fear they might encounter women or minorities. For those of us who aren't pimple-faced anoraks, there is the prospect of more important titles showcasing detailed gameplay footage that would be too mundane for a major convention.

    Here's some of the potential content for this year:

    TIER 1 PUBLISHERS

    Microsoft, Sony and Activision won't be making a big splash at such a third-rate event, but in Microsoft's case they will be demoing Gears of War 4, Forza Horizon 3, Halo Wars 2, ReCore and Sea of Thieves, whilst Sony will be pushing their dreadful VR headset with shovelware like Batman: Arkham VR, Battlezone, EVE Valkyrie, Bound VR and other assorted garbage. Activision, meanwhile, will be showing more footage from the sci-fi-themed Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, which has proved unpopular with its target demographic due to the lack of muslim civilians to murder.

    Blizzard will be timing their live stream to begin at around 5:30 BST on the 16th. There will almost certainly be footage of World of Warcraft: Legion and Overwatch, but rumours of Starcraft HD reveal are also swirling around like shitty water draining down a public toilet in Düsseldorf - https://gamescom.blizzard.com/en-gb/

    Electronic Arts' show begins at 6:15 BST on the same day, with promise of sports games (who cares), some Star Wars reveals, plus Battlefield One and Titanfall 2 footage - https://live.ea.com/

    Also on August 16th, notorious has-beens Bungie Software will be making an announcement relating to their upcoming Destiny expansion, Rise of Iron, at 6:30 BST - https://www.twitch.tv/bungie

    Crapcom have apparently whispered to the castrati gaming press that Resident Evil 7 will have a proper unveiling at some point during Gamescom, though details are sketchy.

    Ubisoft, a publisher of worthless tripe kept afloat solely by handouts from state governments to hold on to local business, will be showcasing South Park: The Fractured But Whole, Tom's Clancy's Ghost Recon Wildlands by Tom Clancy, not to mention Star Trek: Bridge Crew, and Eagle Flight, which might be interesting were they not VR crap. There will also be a behind the scenes look at Michael Fassbender's ass in Assassin's Creed Jaesun IDtenT J_C and other shit games nobody is interested in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-XfD1rCuC4

    TOTAL FUCKING LOSERS

    Failed businessman Brian "The Knife" Fargo and the motley crew of talentless, overpaid neo-nazis at InXile are in maximum damage control mode after a jewish partisan leaked that a console port of Torment: Tides of Numenera will be shown at GamesCom. Having confirmed beyond any reasonable doubt that the game will be another dismal failure for the company - currently haemorrhaging funds and blacklisted by every reputable publisher in the industry - the leak spurred publisher Techland (allegedly run by Polish sex-traffickers) to clamp down on press access.

    Much like cockroaches, Paradox Interactive have always made a point of turning up in Cologne. There should be a highlights stream live at - https://www.twitch.tv/paradoxinteractive/profile

    Julian Gollop, who famously stole credit for creating the original UFO: Enemy Unknown from his taller, smarter brother Nick, is promising a detailed look at Snapshot Games' upcoming "World-based Strategy" Phoenix Point.

    Harvey Smith, notable by way of Deus Ex: Invisible War for beating Warren Spector to the punch in proving that Deus Ex devs are overrated hacks, will likely reveal more of Arkane Studios' Dishonoured 2, at least if their dom Zenimax permits them to.

    Mount and Blade II: Bannerlord will do its best to pretend to be interesting, even though it has the same ridiculous combat system as Mount and Blade 1, which only lunatics and idiots enjoyed.

    Scam Citizen was recently rocked by the revelation that Chris Roberts' much hotter wife, Sandi Gardner, will be demurring from social media appearances due to continuing harassment from certain unnamed figures (Derek Smart and Something Awful). As a poor consolation prize, from August 17th, gameplay footage will be streamed at https://www.twitch.tv/starcitizen

    LINKS


    On the official Gamescom youtube channel, you can watch two effeminate teutons blabber incomprehensibly as they fantasize about their wives having sex with Syrian refugees:



    I will consider updating this thread as more details become available, but only if the Codex administration (who officially endorse everything I've said in this thread) are nice to me in shoutbox.
     
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  2. Infinitron I post news Patron

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    Grab the Codex by the pussy Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2016-08-12-gamescom-2016-conferences-schedule-live-streams

     
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  3. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    I stole most of the OP from that already you dunce.
     
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  4. LESS T_T Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    LESS T_T
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    Codex 2014
    Paradox Twitch stream schedule (CEST): https://www.twitch.tv/paradoxinteractive

    They'll be showing character creation of Tyranny, and announce expansions of Cities and EU IV.

     
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  5. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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  6. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    Late:
     
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  7. WhiteGuts Arcane

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    Is this what germans do when they can't conquer the rest of Europe ? Make infinite sequels of shitty games ?
     
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  8. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Infinitron I post news Patron

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    Grab the Codex by the pussy Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    Blizzard stream is live:

     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2016
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  10. abnaxus Arcane

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    Voted Cologne.
     
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  11. Infinitron I post news Patron

    Infinitron
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    EA stream is live:



    Not watching this, but post if there's any BioWare RPG stuff (seems like there won't be)
     
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  12. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    EA sturm has started
     
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  13. Morgoth Arcane

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    Chick and a "funny" nigger moderating.

    Not watching.
     
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  14. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    The football shit never ends :negative:
     
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  18. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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  19. Infinitron I post news Patron

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    Grab the Codex by the pussy Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker
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  20. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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  21. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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  22. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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  23. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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  24. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    Netherrealms still can't make attractive women
     
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  25. Ed123 Arcane Patron

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    Brian "THE LIAR" Fargo
     
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