How does she know that? Also, lol @ all the enemies I just ran past mystically disappearing. Did the tornado she created tear through every other room too?
Thanks, loading screen. Also look at that unbelievably low res background picture.
We really have.
Fucker tries to stop her, she says she's doing it alone, they agree to go together. They've had this EXACT conversation about three times.
A villain delivers insane ramblings over an unseen intercom while we do some boring gameplay-stuff! Brilliant! This is only the 500th time this has happened in this game!
Comstock is about as convincing as a bad Disney villain.
The boring mechanical dudes arrive in Space Marine style drop pods now. It's like the devs are trying to squeeze in one last dose of retardation and boredom before the finale.
Wow, that tip would have been nice to have known at the start of the fucking game. Except I did but the game keeps throwing me this message every single time one of these things appears.
Just like Fucker has the ability to tell the date from doors, Elizabeth has the ability to know exactly where any given vehicle is going.
Oh, well this is a fun ride. Not awkward at all.
This is what the devs said after they finished the game, stepped back and saw the horror they had created.
THAT'S WHAT THE GAME STARTED WITH!!! AMAZING!!! 11/10 MTN DEW SPONSORED THE GODFATHER OF GAMES
This line is bizarre. Meant to be flirtatious, angry, what? The voice actor just drawls it out like every other line in a desperate attempt to collect his paycheck and get the hell out of there.
Ah, at last, combat! Just what we needed!
What is the purpose of these hooks? They never seem to be used for anything other than allowing Fucker to leap onto them. On that note, why don't our enemies have claw-hands like ours?
Let me explain this, because it's hilarious. Basically, I was on an enemy ship fighting some of the shitty enemies, when the ship with Elizabeth on it started drifting too far away for me to reach. The ship I was on then fell to the side, which is the animation all ships play when you defeat the soldiers on them. Elizabeth started calling out more enemies and more ships were attacking the Elizabeth-ship, but I was stuck on here. Became very quickly obvious that I was supposed to have gone back to my own ship, but now I was stuck on this one. I wasn't even trying to break the game, it's just such a piece of shit that a fuck-up of this scale occurred on its own.
See? She's over there getting attacked by new enemies and I'm stuck here with no way out.
Sure looks exciting over there.
Screenshot doesn't show it, so I'll try to explain. I thought I could get back to my own ship by leaping off the ship I was on and respawning back where I was supposed to be. But, for reasons that are just beyond me, I FELL SIDEWAYS. I stepped off the ship and, instead of falling downwards, I MOVED SIDEWAYS, FLYING SIDEWAYS PAST COMSTOCKS SHIP AND INTO THE ETHER. Eventually, I did respawn but it was back on the buggy ship I jumped from.
Eventually I was able to reach my own ship by jumping sideways and steering my body so that it crashed into the cabin of the ship. Sweet. Falling was still broken, though, as jumping caused me to fly over my enemies and away into the clouds. The problem was eventually fixed when I died and Elizabeth respawned me safely on my own ship.
I had more fun with that glitch than the entire rest of the game combined.
We've fought about 5 ships and they've all been very boring battles, so you'd think the game designers would know that enough is enough but no, here's some more.
Good thing these ships are indestructable.
3 years later, we arrive at the airship.
That's convenient! Skylines!
Elizabeth uses her Comstock-sense to take us to him.
I have a theory that the model designers modelled everything in the game with their eyes closed. Look at this enemy. Someone thought that was a good idea.
The drop pods with mechanical dudes inside are blocking the path. Fortunately, there's a huge switch that detaches the pods, causing them to fall. We press it and have to wait about 6 hours while all the pods drop and, of course, ships appear out of nowhere to attack us!!! Exciting!!! Truly the Casablanca of videogames
If we crouch here (lol at her face), the enemies never reach us. So I just sat here and waited as an army of enemies boarded the ship but never bothered to actually come and attack me. Made even funnier by Elizabeth and Fucker's frantic "OH MY GOD HOW LONG LEFT?!?!?!?! HOW LONG CAN WE HOLD OUT?!?!?!" while casually sitting down.
Boring Skyline ride, more bullshit
If you're still awake, congratulations, you deserve some kind of award for staying conscious through all this boring shit.
God, what the fuck is this? Why are they bringing in new plot points at this point of the game?
Also, they were "draining her"? Like the enemies in Sailor Moon drain people? What?
Let me guess: "NO FUCKER IM COMING TOO"
The rolleyes emote just isn't intense enough to convey what I feel here.
We're in Santa's Grotto!
Nice, talking about Fucker like he's not even there. Also why is he sponging her hand. What a freak.
Jesus, who did the animation for this? That isn't how humans move.
1000 points if you have any clue what he's talking about.
JUST LOOK AT THE POSES, THE ANIMATION
I don't even have a choice. Can't move, stuck in this spot. I waited like a full minute before pressing F, and they run out of dialogue after about 10 seconds and just silently grapple without changing facial expressions.
THAT'S IT! COMSTOCK, I LOVE YOU!
YEAH, YEAH, TASTE THE WATER, TASTES LIKE SHAME DOESN'T IT
Comstock is the most fragile human of all time and dies. Eizabeth decides to put a lot of faith in what he said.
Obviously? We established on the VERY FIRST TEAR we went into that having your memories scattered causes your nose to bleed, we've been though about 50 realities so why is this a shock?
Fucker suggests destroying the Siphon. What's the Siphon?
YEAH, WHAT'S THE SIPHON. HELLO, I AM THE PERSON PLAYING THIS GAME, WILL YOU BOTH PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME YOUR PLAN
What a loser, she can't even understand her future-self's card.
Also, yes, that is the entire Comstock scene. It really is that underwhelming, though I'm not sure what I expected.
Where did the Vox get ships? Why are they attacking me?
Fuck it, we know why, it's because we haven't had a boring battle in at least 10 minutes so we're overdue.
They're musical notes. C-A-G-E. It's a song to get the songbird to do whatever you want.
So, at no point in her entire life, trapped in a tower with fuck-all to do, did Elizabeth EVER play those notes in that order?
Yeah, he's got an ace track record for it so sure.
Hmm, arena, lots of skylines, tears with weapons, endless source of enemies.
Guess what?
I'm not going to post all the screenshots because they're immensely boring, but rest assured the battle went on for so long that I was prepared to quit the game and come back to it later. This screenshot shows the songbird attacking a zeppelin, it's really dumb. Just forget about this whole scene.
She runs to the bow of the ship so we can recreate that scene from Titanic.
WHAT
IS
THE
SIPHON
WHAT IS GOING ON
It's like watching Fist of the North Star!
Anyway, the explosion of the Siphon (?!?!?!) causes us to crash, lol. Elizabeth saves us with her Fabulous Secret Powers.
lol songbird got fukkin owned
Oh, joy, we're in the only place even more boring than Columbia.
When will it end.