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Let's LARP the Emperor's Finest - a wh40k IF

Discussion in 'Choose Your Own Adventure Land' started by Holy Cow, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. Kayerts Arcane

    Kayerts
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    879

    Yeah, it's tricky. Root's got a few options here:

    A) "I regret only that I have but one guardsman to give for my Emperor," remarks Matthaeus, bravely tossing the corporal's screaming body into the mutants and charging in the opposite direction.

    B) Matthaeus notices the flicker of shadow a moment too late. The mutant's claws are snaking toward him, impossibly fast--only to be stopped by the body of a brave corporal, who gives his life that his Spiritual Liege might live. The Brother-Librarian dispatches the mutant with a swing of his staff, then looks to his fallen comrade in arms. The man is convulsing, likely about to turn. "Any last words, guardsman?" he inquires, raising his force-staff to administer the Emperor's Peace.

    "Now . . . I will never . . . be an Ultramarine," the corporal whispers, his face full of regret.

    C) "Good man," Matthaeus says, clapping the corporal on his back and knocking the wind out of him. "Hold fast. There is only one maneuver that can save us now." The Brother-Librarian pulls out a small rectangular object and seems to fall into a trance, reflecting in it. The corporal is left alone, facing the six dark shapes in front of him.

    Swearing softly, he levels his bolt pistol. Well, he'll do his best.

    He takes aim. They come.

    BLAM!

    One mutant falls, claws clutching at the empty air that suddenly fills the center of its forehead.

    BLAM!

    Another mutant halts, stopped dead by a blast that separates the left side of its chest from its body.

    BLAM!

    A third mutant goes down, snarling as the corporal's shot severs its legs from under it. But now the three last mutants are almost upon him. It was a good try, but he won't have time to reload.

    Matthaeus's voice rings out behind the corporal. "Multiple--"

    A huge metal cannister drops from the sky, crushing one of the creatures.

    "Simultaneous--"

    A second drop pod erases all evidence that another mutant had ever tainted this world.

    "And Devastating--"

    A third drop pod annihilates the last of the mutants.

    "Defensive deep strikes!" Matthaeus proclaims triumphantly, as a fourth drop pod lands and turns the corporal's body into a grease stain. A brave-looking Ultramarine steps out, looking sheepishly back at the the drop pod. "Was that one of ours?"

    "No worries, brother," said Matthaeus, "To each of us falls a task, and all that Steel Rain requires of guardsmen is that they hold the line and die standing."
     
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  2. Endemic Arcane

    Endemic
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    I'll go with option 2 as well.
     
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  3. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    Location:
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    PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria
    So we've basically completely abandoned the relatively serious CYOA with a few cheesy pop culture references sprinkled about ('five rounds rapid'? that one hurt) and have basically gone balls deep into self parody?
     
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  4. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    That remains to be seen. Root has yet to write the upcoming update...
     
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  5. ironyuri Guest

    ironyuri
    I think Codex voted for balls deep into self-parody some time around the REDEEMUH part. So root's just working with what he's got really...
     
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  6. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria
    Thought for the day:
    A FINE MIND IS A BLESSING FROM THE EMPEROR - IT SHOULD NOT BE CLUTTERED WITH TRIVIALITIES.
     
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  7. Baltika9 Arcane

    Baltika9
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    D. Not too cowardly and not too brave. I doubt the bookkeeper survived this long in battle or in bunkers.
     
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  8. Esquilax Arcane

    Esquilax
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    Oh, if we pick B, could we sort weapons out with Limpwrist McFaggot?
     
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  9. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

    Self-Ejected
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    This sounds about right
     
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  10. Bloodshifter Educated

    Bloodshifter
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    Location:
    Somewhere with dead bears
  11. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    B.
    BLESSED ARE THE GUN MAKERS.
     
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  12. Endemic Arcane

    Endemic
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    I'll go with D.
     
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  13. Gondolin Arcane

    Gondolin
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    Location:
    In the Playground, reading LPs
    D
     
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  14. Helly Translating for brofists Patron

    Helly
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    変態の地獄、Rance様と
    Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Shadorwun: Hong Kong Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker
  15. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    D is admirably reasonable.
     
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  16. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

    Self-Ejected
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    Of course, picking reasonable options in 40k usually leads to hilarious death...
     
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  17. Jaedar Arcane Patron

    Jaedar
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    Project: Eternity Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    Imma go with A. Mechanicus can only mean hilarity.
     
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  18. Azira Arcane Patron

    Azira
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    Copenhagen, Denmark
    Codex 2012
    Wait what? We have property for sale?!

    C
     
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  19. Random Word Arbiter Patron

    Random Word
    Joined:
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    MCA Project: Eternity
    I've always wanted to own a bridge.
    Maybe if we kill off a character every update we'll get an opportunity to kill off Matthaeus. Umm, I mean, For the Emperor!
     
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  20. Jick Magger Arcane Patron

    Jick Magger
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    PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Serpent in the Staglands Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Bubbles In Memoria
    Thought for the day:
    A LOGICAL ARGUMENT MUST BE DISMISSED WITH ABSOLUTE CONVICTION!
     
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  21. oscar Tacticular Staff

    oscar
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    D. Tactics and strategy should be quite fun.
     
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  22. Commissar Draco KKKodex WCDS Commissar Patron

    Commissar Draco
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    Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Divinity: Original Sin 2
    Is this mixed sex regiment? if yes we should try C.... A and D is tempting but both are rather priority targets.
     
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  23. Kayerts Arcane

    Kayerts
    Joined:
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    879
    I feel like it would be difficult even for us to get killed inside A) Mechanicum bunker, surrounded by thick walls and elite Deathwatch battle bros. Although I'm sure we're up to the challenge.
     
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  24. Esquilax Arcane

    Esquilax
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    Haha, well, the Black Hold mission was the easiest of the five, and we saw how that went. :troll:

    A seems to be the best fit for our character, and I'm sure we'll find action soon enough regardless, so I'm voting for that. I also believe that these choices are based on a ranking from safest to the most dangerous, like the choice before our ill-fated Black Holds mission.

    A) Mechanicum bunker
     
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