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Completed Let's Play Crusader Kings Deus Vult (God wills it!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Ivar the Boner, May 20, 2013.

  1. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 8 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia) - That's his whole title now.

    Show Spoiler


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    "...And then our Duke was accepted back in catholic church after standing for three days naked before the gates of Rome, whipping himself till he bleed and screaming "EEP! EEP! EEP!"

    We have bit of a problem now. Our realm stability is at -3, we are at huge debt again AND we are rivals with one of our vassals (count of Chełmińskie). Jerzy is too awful to deal with this fast and I don't think we will be able to recover from this situation during his rule (even though he's still young). So, we are going to sit the fuck down until we regain some stability. It will probably take couple decades so let's press start and see what happens (I will inform you only about most important events).

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    That's... nice!

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    That's important event. We have third son, and his name blown my fucking mind.

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    Pope asked us to grant bishop place in our court and he gave us sceptical dude. He's fucking trolling us. Also, our mom (Sibyl de Montgomery) decided to leave sinking ship and run away to county of Vladimir Volynsky.

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    Tutons started to be teutons. We decided to "bear the grudge" and we gained 'hostile' trait (-1 diplomacy +1 martial).

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    Holy crap, that's going very fast, especially since we got only one "u broke, spend shit to mantain stability" event and this time our spending actually worked.

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    One of our swedish pets finished education (our wife must have brought whole fucking court with her) and she have level 4 diplomatic education. Making her our chancellor allowed us to gain loyalty with with rebellious vassall who is our rival.

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    What the fuck?

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    I hope this "SPQR" is just for show because republics in this game are broken as hell.

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    Our vassal, Count of Chełm declared war on egypt again. I told Egyptian Sultan that I don't know this guy and he can do with him whatever he wants. CHEŁMINSKIE IS ON THE MARCH! EGYPT BEWARE.

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    Chełm joined up with Poznan and they are going to fuck up whole middle east!

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    Oh, our heir died. Fortunately we have two more sons.

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    Holy shit, Countess of Opole captured Jerusalem.

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    We have quite a lot of piety so we can spend some of it to improve our stability. Pushing church "a little" gives us only 50% chance of improving stability but option that ensures stability improvement also have a chance of giving you 'sceptical' trait. And we don't want it anymore. Fortunately, pushing church a little worked and now we have 0 stability.

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    We payed homage to our new king. He suck even more than we do.

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    ... Our bishop comitted suicide.

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    Our court looney decided to leave to... Transylvania. Fitting.

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    Our new bishop is depressed... Also, our financial situation become stable. We can now start long process of rebuilding our infrastructure. I'm very, very surprised we managed to recover so fast.

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    Some time passed and few things happend. We gained more stability (we are at +1 now), we were forced by our liege to join crusade (and he took most of our soldiers so we can't wage any war), Poles got kicked out of Jerusalem by turks and our Duke gained some intrigue skill so we revoked bishopric of Galindia.

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    Are you a wizard?

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    It turned out she is a wizard. We had to burn her and we gained trait 'zelous'.

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    Now we are getting all kinds of good events.

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    Well, some bad things also happens. Our 5 years old courtier commited suicide.

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    Our reputations is great and our son could use some land so this is this is perfect moment to kill few pagans. Unfortunately our liege took most of our troops with him on a crusade...

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    We will have to use our vassals. But we should be fine if we do this fast enough.

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    Our regiments are all over the place so we will have to join up in Sambia.

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    We order Sędzimir to attack Zemgallians with 3 thousand man while rest of our force gathers in Sambia. Sędzimir (I think he's sonf of our bro) is completely worthless at combat so he may have some problems.

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    He won, but lost 622 men.

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    Our liege accepted Zemgallians peace offer and we had to re-DoW them.

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    We captured Zemgalia and it costed us only around 50 prestige (because DoW during truce) and now our son have some land of his own (county of scalovia, because this was worst shithole we had).

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    God no longer hates us!

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    And Zemgalia converted!

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    We can make another quick war and gain more land. I decided to declare war on chiefdom of Aukshayts. Unfortunately they have small castle so sieging it takes a lot of time without shitton of troops. Before we managed to capture it our fucktarted king accepted 3 peace proposals and we blowed away 300 prestige for no fucking reason. Fucker is going to pay, dearly.

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    YOU... Silly, silly king!

    On the other hand, come on, we were ridiculously lucky in this update. I can get over loosing all this prestige because all my vassals suddenly decided that I'm best person ever and they all love me. I prepared for DECADES of reganing stability, but no, game decided to spam me with good events and we managed to get our shit together very quickly... And we burned a witch!
     
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  2. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 9 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia) - War with the worst slavs.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    As you can see, pretty much whole eastern Poland is personal property of Duke of Mazovia. We started this trend a bit early, shit like that happend a lot in Poland but in 17 century, not in 12. Our counties are a bit poor and backward but it's not like Kraków is fucking Venice either. After last update's "game luvs u" events spam, Mazovia is in pretty good shape, all we have to do right now is to wait for Crusade to finish (Poles got kicked out of Jerusalem and potato-crusadrers are stuck near Cairo) and then declare WAAAGH!! on eastern worst slavs.

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    Actually, disregard me I suck cocks. Potato-crusaders run out of beer and they are back. Now we have to grab some Polotsk's titles and then kick them out of Lithuania.

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    Hospitallers took back what poles lost and crusade is over. Cairo is still potato though.

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    Wańko, just take a look at this map, county of Podlasie is part of duchy of Mazovia, why worst slavs don't recognize our right to this piece of land?

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    This is not 'NAM my liege, there are rules. Nobody cares about this "de jure" thing.

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    I decided to challenge their right to Podlasie anyway. Let's see what they do about it.

    We "grabbed" title of count of Podlasie. It costed us 150 prestige but gave us claim and casus belli against Polotsk (and this claim will be inherited).

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    Prince of Polotsk is depressed, romantic guy. He's probably too busy writing poems to care.

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    We have another looney! this time it's our nephew!

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    Since we have positive stability we can round up some extra taxes. I decided to get just a little bit of taxes (+400 gold and 50% chance of loosing 1 stability). And we gained money and did not loose any stability. Yay!

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    Our royal swedish pet died.

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    We decided to marry some random german chick just for her stewardship.

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    We made her our steward and it made our income jump from 19 to 33 (she don't like us much so she will probably steal all our money, just you fucking wait)

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    It's new year and Jerzy decided to declare war on worst slavs during winter, because that's great idea.

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    EMO prince will defend his vasall, but we shall crush him!

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    Nobody likes worst slavs so people are sending us money to kill them faster.

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    Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
    Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?
    Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?
    Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?
    They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
    The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
    Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,
    Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?


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    There is only like, three russians there, sire.

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    Shhh...

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    Grorious victoly. But now we have to deal with Polotsk. But Polotsk is in shambles so we should be fine.

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    I'm merciful god. Wańko, send prince of Polotsk white pace offer... and then order our men to siege Jaćwież, just in case.

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    It wasn't necessary. Poet prince accepted our offer.

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    Roses are red, Poles are too,
    I accept your peace,
    Fuck you.


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    And then poor bastard had to pay 300 gold coins to get peace with our king, ohohohohohohohoho... And I noticed that Slupsk is no longer part of poland and is ruled by some Gaelic dude, whatever.

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    We decided to give our barons some more power gaining 40 prestige and loosing 1 stability.

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    And then we spend 151 prestige to get claim on county of Sudovia.

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    Our friend, count of lower silesia, wants us to join him in heresy. Well, we were excomunicated once already so we tell him to go fuck himself.

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    It's a new year, so it's time for new war with worst slavs. Since we have truce with prince of Polotsk and NOT count of Sudovia, we should be fine.

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    In fact, prince of Polotsk is one who's breaking the truce defending him, ohohohoho.

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    My lord, Polotsk actually have army this time!

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    Crap!

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    I planned to do this cheaply, using only 3 thousand men, but Polotsk decided to put up a fight this time.

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    We gathered additional soldiers and we are sieging Sudovia hoping for quick victory.

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    We have what we wanted. Wańko! send Svyatoslav white peace offer!

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    Roses are red, Poles go home,
    You want white peace?,
    How about no?.


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    We could gather our forces and beat him into submission. But that would cost us some money, so we decided to hide behind polish king instead...

    War lasted for few month and then Svyatoslav signed white peace with king of Poland. We got what we wanted so everybody is happy now. Unfortunately we also gained fierce rivalry (it's completely random) with one of our vasalls. Now we will have to spend some money to keep him in line.
     
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  3. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    MOAR :salute:

    I approve of Potato-held Cairo. Now guard the Sphynx's nose from Worst Muslim!
     
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  4. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 10 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia and Prussia) - MAZOVIA STRONG (In other words - let's kick them while they lay and then some SCIENCE!).

    Show Spoiler




    I forgot to inform you that our marshall, Orban the Invincible died fighting russians in the last days of war with Polotsk. Good night sweet Orban.

    [​IMG]

    We still need at least two more counties to form Lithuania (we have 8 out of 19).

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    We could, in theory, grab one or two more counties (our reputation should allow us to do this). But we need to deal with two things first. First of all, we had to grant our third son, Sulistryj, county of Podlasie se we won't suffer so much ineffficency. And now we will have to do something about our rebellious vassall - Count of Memel... our nephew (not the schizophrenic one).

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    We won't be able to revoke his title, he's too disloyal to give up. We have to either spam him with money (which we don't have, at the moment) or declare war on him and take his title by force. He's allied with count of Danzig (our other vasall) so this could easily lead to civil war for no good reason. I decided to keep bribing him.

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    We have send this disloyal bugger 200 gold and he calmed down. We will have to keep sending him gifts from time to time but that's not end of the world, at least he should keep building upgrades in his county thanks to this (or have shitton of money prepared when he rebell).

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    Yup, he's building small castle so he decided to spend money we are sending him. I CARE ABOUT U, DO NOT BETRAY ME

    [​IMG]

    News at 11. There are some christians left in Iberia.



    They are fucked anyway.

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    Damn, our steward wife died.

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    We decided to marry Godgifu in hope that godgifus money when we make her our steward.

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    We have new king! we pay homage to him because its not yet time to part our ways with kingdom of Poland.

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    We were building roads to speed up culture conversion of our counties and hey, apparently it's working.

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    We have a lot of piety so I decided to get us some jews for additional income and pogrom events.

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    Prussians got tired of fucking teutons and rebels took over Marienburg. Go prussians!

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    Our excomunicated, rebellious, bastard, heretic friend who wanted us to also become heretics, now want's us to betray our liege. We told him to seriously fuck off.

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    Yup, we have proper Prussia now. I wonder if teutons will still be bothering us if we reconquer Marienburg (we have a claim).

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    Ok, it's this time of a year. It's winter (traditional time to fight worst slavs) and we grabbed ourselves claim on county of Beresty (I think it's what we, poles, know as Beresteczko, site of one of the largest battles of 17 century during Chmielnicki Uprising in Ukraine, we won but that's was pretty much only thing we won during this uprising and we got fucked anyway). Funny things is, they are part of Principality of Galich, which technically, doesn't exist because prince of Galich don't have any land, but they are at war with us anyway, go figure.

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    Powstań, Lechu, powstań! Lechu, a pisany porzuć dzban!
    Patrz w słoneczko Beresteczka, hajdamaków gnaj!



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    We outnumber them 10 to 1 my liege, I think we got this... I'm getting tired of his bullshit.

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    COURAGE MEN! FIGHT WITH HONOR!

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    Jesus, there is 33 thousand of us and only 900 of them, will he shut up?

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    GRORIOUS!

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    And he was forced to accept our peace offer. Unfortunately our Polish allies decided to loot Beresty, fucking douchebags.

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    Then we created bishopric there, and gave it to a dude with silly name.

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    Ok, Principality of Galich DOES exist, and is BALLSY AS FUCK - They are going to attack 15 thousand poles in Beresty.

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    Galich lost, and signed peace with our king.

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    Ok, I suck at math, we have 9 out of 19 counties we need to form Lithuania. 10 is 66% of 19? dunno.

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    Let's see if it is.

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    Yeah, "Liberated". We are saving Curonians from themselves (Actually, this is mathematical experiment so I guess it's allright)

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    No, it's not enough. Or we have to be independent, I don't know. But we created title of Duchy of Courland, which is like, King of Almost Lithuania or Duchy of Most of Lithuanians, Emperor of A Lot Of Stuff... no matter, it gives us prestige.

    [​IMG].

    Ok, that's it for this episode. We conquered Beresty from evil Orthodonts and made proper bishopric there, and then we commited genocide for SCIENCE!. bye.

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    Oh, and we will have to go independent soon because we make Poland look silly.

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    Bye.
     
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  5. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Poland
    Update 11 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia, Prussia and Courland) - Birth of EPE (Evil Potato Empire) also we stare at our duke (ohohoho) and wait till he dies.

    Show Spoiler




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    Oh, come one we just invited them here. We will let them stay for a while and make us some money.

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    We got some problems. Zhmud is in hands of Duchy of Lower Lorraine.

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    And those are these guys. I'm not afraid of them attacking me, but it will make conquering Zhmud real pain in the ass since we will have to pay them a visit in Germany to have warscore high enough to take Zhmud.

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    But that's not Jerzy's problem since he's 56.

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    News at 11. Mecca is owned by Templar Order. OHOHOHOHOHO.

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    We have grand-grand son and he has my name! OMG THE GAME KNOWS!

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    Our rebellious vasall is excomunicated. Things is, he's friends with Antonio... Antonio the Pope.

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    Ok, that's really, really bad. King of Poland vassalized Duchy of Lower Lorraine. We can only hope that Poland will implode soon and we will be able to break free (King is too powerful for us now to beat him alone EVIL POTATO EMPIRE IS BORN THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPEND IF HALF OF EUROPE WOULDN'T DOGPILE ON US, true story).

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    Suddenly, count of Zhmud become independent (Another Gaelic guy, what the fuck). I think its our chance to grab some more of Lithuania. Jerzy is old (63) and I'm scared shitless of sucession in middle of a war but we have to try.

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    We grabbed claim on his title (and it costed us all of our prestige).

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    And then quickly gathered some soldiers to beat his army and take his land.

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    Wańko, tell my men to carry me into the battle. I would like to end my life like real man...

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    ... Don't fucking drop me!

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    Holy crap, we killed poor bastard in battle.

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    And we liberated Zhmud from random Gaelic dude!

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    First Słupsk, now Żmudź, buggers spread like a plague!

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    And then we made our bishop a feudal count... just because.

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    Now Poland looks less silly and we SHOULD be able to create Kingdom of Lithuania when we save enough money. Thing is, King of Poland have claim on Duchy of Mazovia and I'm not sure I wan't to go independent yet. Especially after Leopold von Isoldgermanytoslavs became vasall of king of Poland, silly duke.

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    Nope, we still can't. We created duchy of Samogitia to dry our tears. We run out of pagans for our mathematical purpouses so I had to use calculator and I think we need 12,54 counties to create Lithuania. Goddamn, shit's specific.

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    More news at 11. Empire of Fake Romans is no more! All hail Empire of Fake Bulgars (They are ruled by greeks).

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    Jerzy is getting old, to be honest I hop he dies quick because his heir is not getting any younger either.

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    We have another crusade. This time for Burgos.

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    FINALLY... I mean... JEWS DID THIS!

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    Duke is dead... etc, etc. But bury him this time, don't throw him into a ditch like his father and brother.



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    We spewed money at people to shut them up and this is our new duke. He's grandson of Jerzy. I must have missed when his father died but fuck him, Gosciwuj is ok.

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    And we finally have some daughters, one of them is Lithuanian though,I hope it's not contagious (Gosciwuj is Polish and his wife is Hungarian so I don't even).

    Ok, we have to cut this update a little bit early because of my system of naming episodes. So, till next time.
     
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  6. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Not only a Potato Empire, but an Evil one? Massive :incline:
     
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  7. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
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    It's only evil because we will have to fight it to break free (or not, I don't actually know have crowning yourself a king while being vasall works in CK).
     
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  8. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Oh get over it. Just continue as an Imperial vassal :P

    Also,

    MOAR :incline:
     
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  9. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Actually, our liege is very merciful god, so being his vassal is not such a pain. He used our troops only twice, and he very kindly asked us to give them to him both times. And I don't even remember when was the last time we had to pay any taxes. But Mazovia is big girl now, she needs to learn to do her own things, without constantly hiding under a skirt of mommy Poland.
     
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  10. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Location:
    Poland
    Update 12 Gościwuj the Wrathful - Deadly conflict between heirs of Po and Lithu begins! (And some Russians got caught in the middle).

    Show Spoiler




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    Your grandfather died, Gosciwuj, and it is God's will that you take rule over Duchy of Mazovia.

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    ... Soon to be kingdom.

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    King of Poland may not look kindly upon his vasall becoming equal of his.

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    ... Or a better of his. I'm also Piast, I have same right to rule as he does. And I'm not going to interfere with his rule. I'm going to make christian kingdom in this barbarian land. King of Poland will not dare stopping me from fulfilling God's will!

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    Or a fools errand. How exactly are you planning to create a kingdom here?

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    Poland became too powerful, we need to send Pope a message that new power arised in the east and we can be counterwieght to Land of the Po...

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    Our holy ancestor! The Legendary Po!

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    Yes, the Po... but we need:

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    County of Jaćwież.

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    And West Dvina. Then we shall regain what is rightfully ours, land that once belonged to brother of the Po - Lithu!

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    Lithuland?

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    Lithuania!

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    Dream is born and the sword is sharpened...

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    Polotsk stands on our way to glory and they finally have a prince who is not complete fuck up. But we can't back down now, we are too close to fullfil God's will (Or total train wreck, which is arguably same thing).

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    My liege! you have a son!

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    But is he... is he?

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    Healthy?

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    No, what I ment is... is he?

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    Lithuanian? No, my liege, he's not.

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    Oh, what a relieve... because my daughter...

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    Yes, we know sire. We already isolated her...

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    There is only one way to celebrate this glorious event properly. We declare war on Polotsk.

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    Or we declare it on thieir vassal and they declare it on us... effect is the same!

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    RISE SONS OF LITHU! I SHALL LEAD YOU TO GLORY!

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    But you are a coward my liege!

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    No, I'm just pretending to be one to gain more intrigue...

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    Oh...

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    Seriously Wańko, you don't know shit about politics...

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    Quick annexation.

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    And now we have to force Polotsk to sit the fuck down and acknowledge new master race.

    [​IMG]

    Get them Ivan! our "leader" have 3 martial but guy who's leading Polotsk forces has 1, so it's like Barbie fighting Miley Cyrus.

    [​IMG]

    Shit, Ivan beat them before Nikita joins in!

    [​IMG]

    FAK U IVEAN U FIRED!

    [​IMG]

    Now it's our bishop's turn. He need to save Zemgalia from evil Orthodonts!

    [​IMG]

    Ok, TIME OUT!... If anyone asks, we won.

    [​IMG]

    We showed them...

    [​IMG]

    Yeah...

    [​IMG]

    We granted Zbyszko Piast county of Jaćwież. Now we will wait, and next year we shall counquer West Dvina.

    [​IMG]

    There is no valhalla shitty enough for him.

    [​IMG]

    I was quite worried that my 14 intrigue wife hates me. Well, someone in court died and apparently she is to blame, so we decided to behead her. No we need new wife.

    [​IMG]

    We will marry Polish chick to minimize our kids chances to catch Lithuanism (I might be slightly too closely related to her for comfort, but whatever).

    [​IMG]

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    Another year, another war!

    [​IMG]

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    [​IMG]

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    Quick annexation.

    [​IMG]

    And now we have to force Letigallians to sit the fuck down and acknowledge new master race.

    [​IMG]

    Like with Polotsk?...

    [​IMG]

    White peace, I'm allright with that. But now...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    WE LITHUANIA NAO!
     
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  11. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 13 Gościwuj the Wrathful. War of the Potatoes.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Right now, we are just a hat of Poland. Our blood relation with king of Poland won't help us much so we need to find allies, fast.

    [​IMG]

    Mecca no longer belongs to Knights Templars and nobody want's to be our allies. I asked Denmark, Sweden, France, England, Hungary, Bohemia and Poland. Everyone told me to fuck off.

    [​IMG]

    Well, it looks like we have to manage on our own. If Poland won't attack us we should be fine (we have +175 relations with them, if it even means anything in this game).

    [​IMG]

    Oh, now he wants alliance. Well, ok.

    [​IMG]

    I hope it won't be inbreed freak. Katarzyna is... a daughter of a brother of our grand father... I don't know how this shit is called. She's related to us for sure.

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    We have a son, and he don't seem to be deformed

    [​IMG]

    Oh for fuck sakes they are back. We will decline but if they will keep bothering us we will have to give them Memel (telling them to go away costs 50 piety). Even though CK 1 and CK 2 really want's you to believe that, in middle ages you couldn't just pull crown out of your ass and be a king, you had to be crowned either by a Pope (making you enemy of Emperor) or by an Emperor (Making you Enemy of Pope, OR pull off Poland and be crowned by Emperor and then start stirring shit up in HRE to not end up like Bohemia and be bros with the Pope). Since there is no emperor of any kind anymore in our game, we have to LARP that we were crowned by a pope and getting excomunnicated will make us look silly.

    [​IMG]

    This is another way to convert provinces to your religion and I'm surprised we didn't get any of those earlier. We have option to try to convert province by force, which has 40 % chance of sucess but puts county in 'revolt' status.

    [​IMG]

    But it worked! Scalovia is catholic now. Now we have a little problem. Lithuanism spreads, since culture of kids depends not only on culture of parents, but also on culture of county they are being rised in, we havce quite a lot of Lithuanians now. Our capital is polish, so royal line, in theory, SHOULD stay polish. But if this gets out of hand, and we will have Lithuanian heir, we will have to revoke ALL our vasalls titles and start giving them to Lithuanians (which we can do since with king title we can control whooping 17 provinces ourselves). It may be hard to believe but I have absolutely nothing against Lithuanians. Thing is, I don't know any Lithuanian songs so it will make my LARPing harder.

    [​IMG]

    Poland is still at war with Polotsk (Same war we started) but they are finally getting upper hand. I'm not very happy about this.

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, Poland is clearly winning. But, this war is going for quite a long time and king of Poland don't have any claims on Polotsk so I'm not sure what he's hoping to get from it.

    [​IMG]

    Oh, and say hello to Cumans. Unfortunately, we have a chance to border them before Mongrels come.

    [​IMG]

    And I declined Teutons one to many times and we have heretics in Memel... which actually give us more money but leads to bad events.

    [​IMG]

    Crap, our heir is ill.

    [​IMG]

    And he died.

    [​IMG]

    Now Władysław is our heir.

    [​IMG]

    We hained some piety (piety speeds up process of loosing bad reputation) and I think it's time to get some more land. Polotsk lost it's capital to Chernigov but we still have claim on this place so we declare war on Chernigov.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Git 'em!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Our marshall showed some badassery.

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    [​IMG]

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    Unfortunately, our warscore is too low so we will probably have to haul asses to Chernigov.

    [​IMG]

    Yes, it is too low... and we can't get to them because Cumans won't let us pass. So we stick Lithuanian flag in Polotsk and now we wait for Chernigov to lose their other county or for some "religious road" to them (Religious eniemies, like Cumans, won't let our armies pass).

    [​IMG]

    What the... our vasall declared war on us.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    What a strange person.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Thanks for prestige!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    And we introduced West Dvina to teachings of our lord Cathol!

    [​IMG]

    War of the Potatoes!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    I did not ask for this. Brother will have to fight brother because of Zelibrat's lust for power.

    [​IMG]

    Unfortunately, we are broke and we can't take initiative. AI can't go broke so it don't give a fuck, but we need to keep an eye on our treasury.

    [​IMG]

    But we can capture their enclave in Lithuania (or is it exclave? I always had problems with difference between those two)

    [​IMG]

    Potato's on the move!

    [​IMG]

    But thy got straight into a trap.

    [​IMG]

    We have some money now so we can try to save West Dvina.

    [​IMG]

    And then we lost regiment sieging Aukshayts because of "you meet mercenary regiment..." (this time Mongols, what the fuck) and they killed my army there. But there are good news, vasalls of Polish king are bailing out. We signed peace with - Cairo (county), Cairo (duchy), Kaliskie (county). And all of them actually agreed to pay us tribute.

    [​IMG]

    Now Lowe Lorraine want's peace and we have pretty big battle at Kujawy which we will probably lose because our army composition is much worse.

    [​IMG]

    No, we actually won!

    [​IMG]

    We are chasing their main army while some of our soldiers kill polish regiments in the north and siege polish king's counties there. King of Poland managed to take control of few of our provinces (and destroy our infrastructure there, crap) but we are taking them back.

    [​IMG]

    Ok, we took our land back and now we offer peace demanding Aukshayts.

    [​IMG]

    And don't give me this "it's just a flesh wound" bullshit...

    [​IMG]

    And Polish king accepted. We won first War of the Potatoes. But we are at huge debt now.
     
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  12. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 14 Gościwuj the Wrathful. Kaiser is back, Pope of Grassland and Brotatos.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Our kingdom is bigger, but many of our provinces goot looted and have dysentery. We were forced to lower our church donations to get out of the debt quicker.

    [​IMG]

    Oh, and we are still at war with Chernigov. This silly "cold war" may last for a while because I don't think that Cumans are going anywhere and we won't be able to reach rest of Chernigov for some time.

    [​IMG]

    We looted polotsk (lowering it's value) and then demanded it in peace treaty, but offered them 132 gold as a tribute. They accepted our offer.

    [​IMG]

    I'm so sneaky...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    My liege, I bring grave news. Your beloved wife killed herself...

    [​IMG]

    Oh, well... find me a new steward... wife, then.

    [​IMG]

    King of Poland is in deep troubles. He have some sort of civil war and people dogpiled on him. He's even at war with TRIBE of Norway (Yup, king of Norway is pagan).

    [​IMG]

    Scalovia converted to ways of Potato but kingdom of Lithuania is still ethnical clusterfuck. We have Poles, Wends, Lithuanians, Latgallians, Russians and Prussians. Lithuanians are actually minority, which was also true for historical Grand Duchy of Lithuania (only 20% of population was Lithuanian).

    [​IMG]

    Our heir matured. We married him to polish woman and gave him county of memel and title Duke of Samogitia.

    [​IMG]

    Our reputation is slightly better and since we have claim on Orsha I decided to declare war on Polotsk.

    [​IMG]

    Or on their vasall, doesn't matter.

    [​IMG]

    We send Neachtainn (Goddamn, from where all those Gaelic dudes come from?) to take Orsha. Neachtainn is quite good leader (14 marshall) and he outnumber Russians slightly so I think we can count on him.

    [​IMG]

    Army of Polotsk decided no to fight us and siege Mińsk instead and we took Orsha without fight.

    [​IMG]

    And now Orsha is ours.

    [​IMG]

    MINE!

    [​IMG]

    But Prince of Polotsk is not going to accept this fact unless we beat the crap out of him.

    [​IMG]

    We were loosing this battle badly, but then "flank" phase came and we started to gain upper hand. Then Prince of Polotsk offered to yield his claims on Podlasie. So no one can doubt that, this time, we actually won with them.

    [​IMG]

    Some time passed, and Poland spitted out Teutons, so Pany Pruskie should no longer ask us to give them Memel.

    [​IMG]

    Ways of Potato spread to Podlasie!

    [​IMG]

    We are running out of improvements to build so I decided to have another war even though our reputation is still slightly tarnished. This time we declare war directly on Prince of Polotsk.

    [​IMG]

    We have to take Mińsk. But do not think that it's just a war of aggresion, oh no. It's matter of honour! Prince of Polotsk calls himself "Prince of Lithuania" and that's an outrage! W have to force him to end this madness and give this title to whom it belongs - to ME... but we will also take Mińsk.

    [​IMG]

    Gosciwuj is sieging Mińsk himself while Nechtainn is going to attack Smoleńsk. Since I want to grab two titles this time we will ned higher warscore.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    We took Mińsk and Polotsk tries to save Smoleńsk. They don't have a chance since Nechtainn's regiment outnumbers them badly.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Plotsk's army is beaten and Smoleńsk is taken. It's time to make peace with "no longer prince of lithuania".

    [​IMG]

    Vladimir refuses to give up his title. We will have to pay him a visit in... Estonia and there is no horse people there to stop us! (In order to take Mińsk, we have to go to Estonia, defeat prince of Polotsk who is also duke of Lithuania and have capital in Smoleńsk, CRUSADER KINGS!)

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    We had to conquer all his provinces to force Vladimir to give up Mińsk and his ridiculous title. But we did it, no we are King and Duke of Lithuania (also Mazovia and Prussia we gave Samogitia to our heir basically making Samogitia a Dauphinate).

    [​IMG]

    Oh, that's interesting. We are going to agree, we are not planning to expand in king of Poland's territory anyway, so why not ally with them?

    [​IMG]

    Awwww shieeet, that's why he suddenly changed his mind (I tried to form alliance with him before and he declined) he's at war with fucking Kaiser. And Kaiser is BACK.

    [​IMG]

    Why the fuck are you attacking Norway when you are at war with Germany? But we decided to help this poor bugger.

    [​IMG]

    ... Kaiser gon get excomunnicated. Well, we can't excommunicate Kaiser yet, Deryab of Grassland (Best. Pope. Name. Ever.) don't have enough prestige.

    [​IMG]

    Mieszko did not ask me to help him fight Kaiser but I'm going to do it anyway. I mean, we are polish, and there is something called polish unity... I can beat the shit out of king of Poland but NO ONE ELSE CAN!

    [​IMG]

    Mieszko is not Zelibrat, we need to help our brothers! DECLARE WAR ON HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE!

    [​IMG]

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    You cannot has!

    [​IMG]

    We "liberated" Meissen from Germans.

    [​IMG]

    And took tribute from Bavaria.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    War with Kaiser forged friendship between Gościwuj and Mieszko. And then we liberated Brandenburg.

    [​IMG]

    I think Mieszko got this now (he brought some troops from Norway) so we ask for white pace with Kaiser. We don't have any claims in Germany so we can't get anything out of this war (other than prestige)

    [​IMG]
     
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  13. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,787
    Location:
    A Dark Place
    MOAR!
     
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  14. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 15 Gościwuj the Wrathful. How the east was won and fake horse people.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Since Deryab become a Pope we got Beresty back and now we have more land than we can control. I decided to give my third son, Masław, county of Kurs and Duchy of Courland.

    [​IMG]

    Żmudź saw the glory of Potato and switched it's culture to Polish.

    [​IMG]

    Apparently Mieszko was excommunicated, we asked Deryab to lift excommunication, after all, Gościwuj is 'master theologian' (not that he have to be even fucking literate, we OWN the poap, maan).

    [​IMG]

    And now Zemigalia. That's pretty strange culture change route...

    [​IMG]

    Something like that, completely ignoring other counties.

    [​IMG]

    We have a lot of money and nothing to do with them. It's time for another war, we have claim on Pińsk but count of Pińsk is vassal of Hungary so we will have to also fight them.

    [​IMG]

    I'm not very afraid of Hungary anymore. They become much less powerful after couple civil wars.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    We won at Pińsk but Hungarians are sieging polish territory so we will have to help them (Poles, not Hungarians).

    [​IMG]

    Hungarians outmaneuvered us evading Gosciwuj army and attacking us at Pińsk.

    [​IMG]

    But, even outnumbered, Neachtainn is doing well (and help is coming).

    [​IMG]

    He won.

    [​IMG]

    And then took Pińsk! One badass Gaelic dude.

    [​IMG]

    Now we have to force king of Hungary to sign peace with us.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Deryab to the rescue. He called for Peace of God. We decided to respect his decision.

    [​IMG]

    But king of Hungary did not. He didn't get excommunicated though. But how the fuck did he got -5779 prestige?

    [​IMG]

    Teutons pretend they are actually fucking useful. Well, maybe they are but I don't really need any mercenaries

    [​IMG]

    We easily could sign white peace and be done with it but we don't have anything else to do so we can at least force Hungarian king to yield his claims on us (He have claims of Pińsk and Polotsk).

    [​IMG]

    But after some medieval diplomacy we forced Hungarian king to give up his claims.

    [​IMG]

    And then we had to grant some titles because high inefficency.

    [​IMG]

    We run out of improvements to build and I don't think it's because we are backward. Either I'm looking at the "tech map" wrong or we are good on castle tech for example.

    [​IMG]

    Or even on plate armours. Actually, we are good on fucking everything. We are Modernthuania.

    [​IMG]

    Gosciwuj is 53, soon he should be summoned by our lord Cathol so we could start another war of aggresion (sucession should lower our bad reputation a bit).

    [​IMG]

    County of Turov will be our next target. It's owned by 7 years old, stressed kid who is vasall of Hlynov so it should be a quick war. Conquering Turov will open road to Kiev for us, and Kiev should be one badass province. Kiev was richest place in whole eastern europe untill Mongols raped the shit out of it multiple times. Looting Kiev was favorite sport of eastern europeans but we always made sure that SOMETHING is left after looting. Well, Mongols did not and Kiev never regained it's status after invasion. But Kiev belongs to Cumans, and conquering Turov will make dem horse people our neighbours.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    They don't want to fight and try to buy a peace. Not a chance, especially since this kid have some claims on us.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    We conquered Turov and forced it's previous owner to shove his claims up his ass.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Than we signed white peace with Hlynov thanks to random event.

    [​IMG]

    And now we border Evil Tribe of Pagan Cumans (tm) who can field almost as many men as we can.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Sire, khan of Cumans send his regards to you as his new neighbour...

    [​IMG]

    Cumans? they are not only pagan, they are also goddamn impostors and fake horse people!

    [​IMG]

    Watchu talkin' 'bout Gosciwuj?

    [​IMG]

    We are Polish! We are directly descended from one and only, true white horse people! Sarmatians!

    [​IMG]



    [​IMG]

    Ku powieści tej nakłoń ucha,
    Ludu wierny mój, a posłuchaj
    I miej wiecznie przed oczami,
    Kimżeś między narodami


    [​IMG]

    Not another fucking Nero wannabe...
     
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  15. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 16 Gościwuj the Wrathful. CRUSADE!

    Show Spoiler


    [​IMG]

    Wanko, do you think this is motherfucking game? We can't have some dirty asiatic pagans riding around on horses pretending that being nomad is something they come up with. I'm old but we must act! I'm writing down my last will. Which will be called "No peace till Crimea"

    [​IMG]

    Crimea belongs to Imperium Bulgariae, Cumans did not conquered it my liege...

    [​IMG]

    Oh, then... "No pace till Caucasus"

    [​IMG]

    Caucasus is far away...

    [​IMG]

    So what? This is matter of honour!

    [​IMG]

    Stupid fucking idea is born, and the sword is sharpened.

    [​IMG]

    Sudovia liked this whole "descended from sarmatians" idea so much that they turned Polish.

    [​IMG]

    And then Polish King decided to attack Kaiser. Well, you started it, you finish it, we are busy looking scary because CUMANS ARE WATCHING.

    [​IMG]

    Potato-On-A-Horse idea spreads, Auksztota is now polish!

    [​IMG]

    But jews don't like this idea and people want to kick them out. Gosciwuj with his piety can allow himself to have few moneylenders here and there, but he's zelous (we might have to start kicking them out after sucession).

    [​IMG]

    And then Gosciwuj heard God calling him to crusade. We gained 'crusader' trait which sucks because it don't give you anything and only makes crusader expectetions higher (we will loose piety until crusade is over), and I'm not going to haul my ass to Spain while we border super-powerful pagans. Or you know what...

    [​IMG]

    Wanko, bring me my bishop...

    [​IMG]

    My king, our Lord Cathol wants you to take up the cross and drove infidels off the holy land!

    [​IMG]

    ... Burgos.

    [​IMG]

    ... Yes, the second holy land.

    [​IMG]

    Listen, what if I attacked Cumans, pretending that they are Saracens and drove them off Kiev, pretending it's Burgos, and then mak a pilgrimage around Galindia, pretending its Jerusalem. Would God be allright with that?

    [​IMG]

    Well, if you put some mony on top of that, I think that would be cool.

    [​IMG]

    Deal.

    Later that year in Galindia:



    [​IMG]

    They have more soldiers than we do, but it is God's will! (sort of).



    [​IMG]

    We give cross to first regiment and send it at Kiev hoping that God is on our side!

    [​IMG]

    Sure as fuck he is!

    [​IMG]

    But the Cuman devils are many so we need more soldiers.

    [​IMG]

    Army of God is formed and we prepare to strike at pagans with fury (Or take our shit back because we didn't prepare ourselves for this war at all and Cumans are already taking Turov).

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Fear not, it's part of a plan to weaken Cumans!

    [​IMG]

    And battle begins! they outnumber us by 5 thousands, BUT ARMY OF GOD CANNOT BE BEATEN!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Regroup!

    [​IMG]

    What a fucking train wreck...I mean, next time God will grant us victory!

    [​IMG]

    We try to regroup at Mińsk but Cumans are following us.

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, let's go broke during a war, why not.



    We formed Better Army of God (tm) and we attack Cumans at Mińsk!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Our marshall died and then we got our asses handed to us so we had to retreat.

    [​IMG]

    Then we formed This Time For Real Army of God (tm) and we prepare to strike at Cumans at Orsha.

    [​IMG]

    Another glorious battle begins!

    [​IMG]

    With honour men! Strike at the pagans and let your warcry be "SLAUGHTER, SLAUGHTER, SLAUGHTER!"

    [​IMG]

    Grorious.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Our morale sucks badly and we had to retreat again. Now we will let our regiments rest and bring more troops from Kujawy and Plock.

    [​IMG]

    Cumans are being eaten by attrition and we still have fresh troops in western parts of our kingdom.

    [​IMG]

    We made Fearghus our new marshall and we prepare to bring soldiers from Kujawy and Płock. God is on our side!

    [​IMG]

    It might look like we are loosing but... Nah, we are loosing.
     
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  16. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 17 Gościwuj the Wrathful. CRUSADE! part 2.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Well, the game crashed (first crash of this series). But unfortunately it crashed after autosave so I can't pretend this train wreck didn't happend.

    [​IMG]

    We lost around 20 thousand men during initial stage of our CRUSADE! so I'm planning to wait some time (for our treasury to fill a bit) and then send more soldiers to fight (we still have 80 thousand men).

    [​IMG]

    Our second son died, I don't know how it happend so I'm going to blame it on Cumans.

    [​IMG]

    We had to sell our library becaus we are broke (Official propoaganda of Gosciwuj said we lost library not because we are broke, but because defenders were throwing books at Cumans during siege of Mińsk) I decided to mobilize my vasalls troops (14 thousand men) to keep Cumans at bay untill we have enough money to fight with our own troops. My only son left is leading this army, but it is God's will to fight Cumans so he will be protected by Divine Shenanigans (tm).

    [​IMG]

    We formed Sequel to God's Army and my son is leading it.

    [​IMG]

    Unfortunately, my son have martial skill of 5 and is crazy. At least he's zealous.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    NO! Anyone who will spread news that Cumans wanted peace will be hanged!

    [​IMG]

    Sequel to God's Army engaged Cumans at Mińsk.

    [​IMG]

    This is where fate of whole Middle-Earth will be decided. Attack my hobbits, attack!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Our looney won with 'brilliant strategist' with martiall skill of 19.

    [​IMG]

    Now he have to take Mińsk back.

    [​IMG]

    Mińsk is liberated and Władysław the Mad can continue his trail of destruction (Also, Cumans didn't loot our provinces, they are very polite nomads).

    [​IMG]

    Our insane son engaged Cumans at Turov and Gosciwuj starts praying.

    [​IMG]

    One of our vasalls was captured and executed during battle (unfortunately it wasn't our son). But we won this battle and now Władysław prepares to take Turov.

    [​IMG]

    We liberated Turov and order Mińsk regiment to defend it while Władysław strikes at Kiev.

    [​IMG]

    Turov is secure and now we siege Kiev.

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    We took Kiev but Gosciwuj, who is defending Turov, is in deep troubles so we have to send Władysław to help him.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

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    He arrived in time!

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    Now we must strike at Cumans while their morale sucks.

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    Unfortunately there was too many of them so we had to fall back.

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    For fucks sake attack Cumans not Jews!

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    I will take money, thanks.

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    Holy fuck!

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    We formed God's Army the TV Series and we prepare to strike at Kiev again (Cumans regained it).

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    Now we shall march at Chernigov (Fuck Turov, there is 14 thousand Cumans there).

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    Bastards cut off my leg!

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    But we won! and 20 thousand of our soldiers are marching at Turov.

    *sound of 20 thousand men marching at Turov*
     
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  17. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Poland
    Update 18 Gościwuj the Wrathful (Or Gościwuj Cumanicus). CRUSADE! part 3.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    We captured Chernigov and our second army is almost at Turov.

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    Cumans took Kiev back but that's ok. Soon we will retake Turov and their army will be trapped.

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    Unfortunately our second army don't have any leader (I think that having annonymous commander is worse than having commander with martial skill of 1).

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    We got attacked in Chernigov and because of poor morale I was forced to retreat (I wanted to retreat to Turov but fucktards decided to go to Terebovl).

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    Crap, bastards suddenly have 37 thousands men in Chernigov.

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    We are forced to mobilize all we have.

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    Battle of Chernigov continues!

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    We lost, but we were badly outnumbered.

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    Gosciwuj is sieging Kiev while rest of soldiers are fighting Cumans at Turov.

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    Due to crappy morale and lack of any leadership we were forced to retreat. But Cumans lost more men than we did.

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    And now we send another army at them, basically trying to meatgrind Cumans.

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    I hope Cumans will have enough of this soon because we are running out of soldiers.

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    Now we must attack Chernigov and send this army some kind of leader.

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    We have more soldiers but no leader and we are attacking Khan himself.

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    We won and Cumans lost 10 thousand men!

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    They attacked us with another stack but we managed to hold our ground (killing 7 thousand Cumans).

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    We took Chernigov and now Cumans try to meatgrind us.

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    Now we continue our trail of tears. I think we killed their army here and we still have 20 thousand men in reserve, but that's all we have.

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    Khan of Cumans decided to accept our peace offer, we gained Kiev and Chernigov and fullfiled Sort of God's Will! and we lost 30 thousand men during this CRUSADE!.

    [​IMG]

    Lithuania gained some land (and we even managed to make money during this war, thank's to chapter house event) but we are running at 60% efficency and I'm afraid of creating vasalls during war (we are part of crusade) because I heard it's bugged (even official CK FAQ says not to do it).

    [​IMG]

    Great we can have peace with Almoravids!

    [​IMG]

    We don't have any courtiers trustworthy enough to give them titles so we had to give counties to people who are already my vasalls. I gave Chernigov to count of Pińsk and Turov to count of Beresty.

    [​IMG]

    I planned to assasinated my son, Władysław, because he's crap. But he's ill, severly wounded and crazy, he have life expetancy of 5 minutes anyway (Knowing my luck he will inherit kingdom and live till his fucking eighties).

    [​IMG]

    ... Ok.

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    Thanks... I guess. I will spend this gold on glory of God!

    [​IMG]

    ... And to kill my son.

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    Shit I missclicked and tried to kill wrong dude.

    [​IMG]

    Good night sweet prince.

    [​IMG]

    But we got 'kinslayer'.

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    This is our new heir. Imram, son of Masław, our not-fucked-up third son (Who got killed by Cumans).

    [​IMG]

    And then we created Archbishopric of Samogitia to atone for our sins.
     
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  18. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Poland
    Update 19 Gościwuj the Wrathful (Or Gościwuj Cumanicus). Another war with worst slavs (And we didn't start it this time, I promise).

    Show Spoiler




    Oldest known Polish medieval song (between 10th and 13th century). It was sung before battles by polish knights... and not only, one polish chronicle says about bishop being outraged when rebelious peasants started singing it. It was hip as hell back then, yo.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    War with Cumans is over, Lithuania entered new era of prosperity but we need more land. Wańko, tell my marshall to prepare attack on Lyubech.

    [​IMG]

    That's this province here, they are part of Principality of Chernigov but we can reach them this time so it's not a problem. And after we conquer Lyubech we will be able to usurp Duchy of Chernigov.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    This might be slight overkill but we are rich so who cares.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

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    Fools, they are going to regret this decision!

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    Wounded while fighting evil Orthodonts!

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Now we have to teach Peryeslavl a lesson!

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    We decided to sign white peace with Chernigov but there is still Pereyeslavl to deal with.

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    They are no match even for wounded Gosciwuj.

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    Courege men! Help is coming!

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    At Polish camp in Smoleńsk.

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    Sire, Prince of Pereyeslavl send his messanger and is proposing white pace... we are outnumbered sire!

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    Show me this treaty... Allright, now Impale prince messanger and send message to Smoleńsk castle that I'm going to stick this peace treaty in Prince of Pereyeslavl's ass when I catch this swine!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

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    Shieeet...

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    I'll be back kacapy jedne!

    [​IMG]

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    Unfortunately Gościwuj is ill and severly wounded and he no longer can lead our armies. Lithuanian forces will have to manage without his uplifting speeches.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    And it finally happened. King is dead, long live the king!

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    We spewed money at our vasall and we must continue war with worst slavs as a kid (since Imram is not adult yet it's ok to continue this update).

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    We won some random battle but now we must wait for rest of our soldiers to arrive because we are getting our asses kicked here to be honest.

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    Crusade ended end Burgos now belong to Bohemia.

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    We lost half of our soldiers because of sucession but we managed to kick Pereyeslavl out of our shit and take some of their shit. Unfortunately we were not able to get any land from this war. We only had claim on Smoleńsk and Smoleńsk now, somehow is in hand of polish king. We got tribute of 43 gold coins though, yay.

    [​IMG]

    And we had to give some land to people because Imram have poor intrigue, and even then we are running only at 60% efficency. We are severly weakend because of this succession but things should be fine after Imram matures.
     
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  19. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 20 Imram Who's Father Was Killed By Cumans - Second War of the Potatoes.

    Show Spoiler

    [​IMG]

    I'm still getting these "local chapter house offer assistance" (there is no crusade and we are not even at war) events, since it gives you 8000 gold for free I decided to save and reload every time I get it (it makes it go away) because it seems like a bug.

    [​IMG]

    You just noticed it? Constantinople is in hands of Turks for more than 50 fucking years, they even converted it to Islam.

    [​IMG]

    We decided to finance new crusade. I would actually be happy to go on a crusade but I don't trust Poland (We are no longer allies).

    [​IMG]

    Well, ERE (Technically Bulgars but it doesn't matter if game calls them Bulgars or Byzantines because no one ever used name "Byzantine Empire" in middle ages anyway) is at war with Turks and they are controlling Byzantion now so it might be pretty short crusade.

    [​IMG]

    Imram (It's extremely strange name by the way) is now adult and can marry, he haven't finished his education yet though.

    [​IMG]

    We married him to random polish chick. She's also Piast but I don't know her parents so it should be allright.

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    Ok, Imram is not Gosciwuj and because of crusade expectations we started to lose piety every month. We need to kick out few jews.

    [​IMG]

    Wańko! send regiment of soldiers to Zemigalia and get rid of Jews there!

    [​IMG]

    Why you look so angry my lord?

    [​IMG]

    Because... Cumans killed my father.

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    Revenge will be yours, my lord, but first let's kick out some jews.

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    I don't trust polish King. He have claims on us and refused our alliance proposal three times.

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    We can't trust him. His father was honorable man but Józef will not hestitate to strike at us at first sign of weakness.

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    - Is his face stuck like that?
    - It's because Cumans killed his father.
    - Oh...


    [​IMG]

    Yes! Midas Touched - Level 4 stewardship education.

    [​IMG]

    But we suck at stewardship anyway. Well, fuck.

    [​IMG]

    I hoped that his intrigue will be better but no such luck. I decided to give Galindia to our brother Budziwuj (dude we almost killed due to misslick), and now we are at 70% efficency and I'm ok-ish with that.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    We can wait for Józef to strike at us... or we can to strike at him first, beat him and force him to abandon his claims on Auksztota.

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    That's true, but we have to remember that our neighbours hates us and they can attack while we will be busy fighting king of Poland.

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    Then, with God's help, we will crush all our enemies at once!

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    Second War of the Potatoes!

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    [​IMG]

    They were trying to siege Czersk but we raised our troops there and told them to fuck off.

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    Then we attacked at Sieradz, we have claim on it (I don't know how we got it) but I'm not going to fuck with provinces west of Vistula river (but we will capture it for warscore)

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Battle at Kraków. Józef forces (I'm not going to call them "polish forces" because WE are polish forces, we are North Best Poland) are led by Duke of Lower Lorraine.

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    [​IMG]

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    Biatch slapped.

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    Smoleńsk (our main goal) is taken. No we have to force Józef to give up his claims on Auksztota.

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    BETRAYAL! Now we have realm duress, fuck.

    [​IMG]

    But we captured Kraków.

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    Józef accepted to give us Smoleńsk and abandon his claims. Now...

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    Bring me the head of count of Chełmińskie!

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    Fucker who sparked civil war gon get raped.

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    Now we have to haul our asses to Hungary because this bugger is also count of Nitra.

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    We took all his titles and gave it to our second brother.

    [​IMG]

    Now we are at 40% efficency (realm duress lowers intrigue) and we will have to live with it until realm duress thingy goes away. I don't want to give any more land, and it's bad idea anyway since vasalls will now keep revolting for no reason.
     
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  20. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,787
    Location:
    A Dark Place
    This thing needs a bump. My PC can handle the amount of images, but my laptop at work is a different story.
     
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  21. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Yeah, sorry for that. I will try to spam some bumps (and probably get banned).
     
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  22. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Powiedz wdzięczna kobzo moja
     
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  23. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
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    Umie lico duma twoja?
     
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  24. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
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    Cóż może być piękniejszego
     
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  25. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
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    Location:
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    Nad człowieka rycerskiego?
     
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