Putting the 'role' back in role-playing games since 2002.
Donate to Codex
Good Old Games
  • Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.

Completed Let's Play Crusader Kings Deus Vult (God wills it!)

Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 8 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia) - That's his whole title now.

kronikarz.jpg


"...And then our Duke was accepted back in catholic church after standing for three days naked before the gates of Rome, whipping himself till he bleed and screaming "EEP! EEP! EEP!"

We have bit of a problem now. Our realm stability is at -3, we are at huge debt again AND we are rivals with one of our vassals (count of Chełmińskie). Jerzy is too awful to deal with this fast and I don't think we will be able to recover from this situation during his rule (even though he's still young). So, we are going to sit the fuck down until we regain some stability. It will probably take couple decades so let's press start and see what happens (I will inform you only about most important events).

UO0001.jpg


That's... nice!

UO0002.jpg


That's important event. We have third son, and his name blown my fucking mind.

UO0003.jpg


Pope asked us to grant bishop place in our court and he gave us sceptical dude. He's fucking trolling us. Also, our mom (Sibyl de Montgomery) decided to leave sinking ship and run away to county of Vladimir Volynsky.

UO0006.jpg


Tutons started to be teutons. We decided to "bear the grudge" and we gained 'hostile' trait (-1 diplomacy +1 martial).

UO0007.jpg


Holy crap, that's going very fast, especially since we got only one "u broke, spend shit to mantain stability" event and this time our spending actually worked.

UO0008.jpg


One of our swedish pets finished education (our wife must have brought whole fucking court with her) and she have level 4 diplomatic education. Making her our chancellor allowed us to gain loyalty with with rebellious vassall who is our rival.

UO0009.jpg


What the fuck?

UO0010.jpg


I hope this "SPQR" is just for show because republics in this game are broken as hell.

UO0011.jpg


Our vassal, Count of Chełm declared war on egypt again. I told Egyptian Sultan that I don't know this guy and he can do with him whatever he wants. CHEŁMINSKIE IS ON THE MARCH! EGYPT BEWARE.

UO0012.jpg


Chełm joined up with Poznan and they are going to fuck up whole middle east!

UO0013.jpg


Oh, our heir died. Fortunately we have two more sons.

UO0014.jpg


UO0015.jpg


Holy shit, Countess of Opole captured Jerusalem.

UO0016.jpg


We have quite a lot of piety so we can spend some of it to improve our stability. Pushing church "a little" gives us only 50% chance of improving stability but option that ensures stability improvement also have a chance of giving you 'sceptical' trait. And we don't want it anymore. Fortunately, pushing church a little worked and now we have 0 stability.

UO0017.jpg


UO0018.jpg


We payed homage to our new king. He suck even more than we do.

UO0019.jpg


... Our bishop comitted suicide.

UO0020.jpg


Our court looney decided to leave to... Transylvania. Fitting.

UO0021.jpg


Our new bishop is depressed... Also, our financial situation become stable. We can now start long process of rebuilding our infrastructure. I'm very, very surprised we managed to recover so fast.

UO0022.jpg


Some time passed and few things happend. We gained more stability (we are at +1 now), we were forced by our liege to join crusade (and he took most of our soldiers so we can't wage any war), Poles got kicked out of Jerusalem by turks and our Duke gained some intrigue skill so we revoked bishopric of Galindia.

UO0023.jpg


jerzy.jpg


Are you a wizard?

wizard.jpg


UO0024.jpg


It turned out she is a wizard. We had to burn her and we gained trait 'zelous'.

UO0025.jpg


Now we are getting all kinds of good events.

UO0026.jpg


Well, some bad things also happens. Our 5 years old courtier commited suicide.

UO0027.jpg


Our reputations is great and our son could use some land so this is this is perfect moment to kill few pagans. Unfortunately our liege took most of our troops with him on a crusade...

UO0028.jpg


We will have to use our vassals. But we should be fine if we do this fast enough.

UO0029.jpg


Our regiments are all over the place so we will have to join up in Sambia.

UO0030.jpg


We order Sędzimir to attack Zemgallians with 3 thousand man while rest of our force gathers in Sambia. Sędzimir (I think he's sonf of our bro) is completely worthless at combat so he may have some problems.

UO0031.jpg


He won, but lost 622 men.

UO0033.jpg


Our liege accepted Zemgallians peace offer and we had to re-DoW them.

UO0034.jpg


UO0035.jpg


UO0036.jpg


We captured Zemgalia and it costed us only around 50 prestige (because DoW during truce) and now our son have some land of his own (county of scalovia, because this was worst shithole we had).

UO0037.jpg


God no longer hates us!

UO0038.jpg


And Zemgalia converted!

UO0039.jpg


We can make another quick war and gain more land. I decided to declare war on chiefdom of Aukshayts. Unfortunately they have small castle so sieging it takes a lot of time without shitton of troops. Before we managed to capture it our fucktarted king accepted 3 peace proposals and we blowed away 300 prestige for no fucking reason. Fucker is going to pay, dearly.

UO0046.jpg


YOU... Silly, silly king!

On the other hand, come on, we were ridiculously lucky in this update. I can get over loosing all this prestige because all my vassals suddenly decided that I'm best person ever and they all love me. I prepared for DECADES of reganing stability, but no, game decided to spam me with good events and we managed to get our shit together very quickly... And we burned a witch!
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 9 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia) - War with the worst slavs.



UO0001.jpg


As you can see, pretty much whole eastern Poland is personal property of Duke of Mazovia. We started this trend a bit early, shit like that happend a lot in Poland but in 17 century, not in 12. Our counties are a bit poor and backward but it's not like Kraków is fucking Venice either. After last update's "game luvs u" events spam, Mazovia is in pretty good shape, all we have to do right now is to wait for Crusade to finish (Poles got kicked out of Jerusalem and potato-crusadrers are stuck near Cairo) and then declare WAAAGH!! on eastern worst slavs.

UO0002.jpg


Actually, disregard me I suck cocks. Potato-crusaders run out of beer and they are back. Now we have to grab some Polotsk's titles and then kick them out of Lithuania.

UO0003.jpg


Hospitallers took back what poles lost and crusade is over. Cairo is still potato though.

UO0005.jpg


jerzy.jpg


Wańko, just take a look at this map, county of Podlasie is part of duchy of Mazovia, why worst slavs don't recognize our right to this piece of land?

kronikarz.jpg


This is not 'NAM my liege, there are rules. Nobody cares about this "de jure" thing.

jerzy.jpg


I decided to challenge their right to Podlasie anyway. Let's see what they do about it.

We "grabbed" title of count of Podlasie. It costed us 150 prestige but gave us claim and casus belli against Polotsk (and this claim will be inherited).

UO0006.jpg


Prince of Polotsk is depressed, romantic guy. He's probably too busy writing poems to care.

UO0007.jpg


We have another looney! this time it's our nephew!

UO0008.jpg


Since we have positive stability we can round up some extra taxes. I decided to get just a little bit of taxes (+400 gold and 50% chance of loosing 1 stability). And we gained money and did not loose any stability. Yay!

UO0009.jpg


Our royal swedish pet died.

UO0010.jpg


We decided to marry some random german chick just for her stewardship.

UO0011.jpg


We made her our steward and it made our income jump from 19 to 33 (she don't like us much so she will probably steal all our money, just you fucking wait)

UO0012.jpg


It's new year and Jerzy decided to declare war on worst slavs during winter, because that's great idea.

UO0013.jpg


EMO prince will defend his vasall, but we shall crush him!

UO0014.jpg


UO0015.jpg


Nobody likes worst slavs so people are sending us money to kill them faster.

UO0016.jpg


jerzy.jpg


Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?
Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?
Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,
Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?


10.jpg


There is only like, three russians there, sire.

jerzy.jpg


Shhh...

UO0017.jpg


UO0018.jpg


Grorious victoly. But now we have to deal with Polotsk. But Polotsk is in shambles so we should be fine.

UO0019.jpg


jerzy.jpg


I'm merciful god. Wańko, send prince of Polotsk white pace offer... and then order our men to siege Jaćwież, just in case.

UO0020.jpg


It wasn't necessary. Poet prince accepted our offer.

UO0021.jpg



Roses are red, Poles are too,
I accept your peace,
Fuck you.


UO0025.jpg


And then poor bastard had to pay 300 gold coins to get peace with our king, ohohohohohohohoho... And I noticed that Slupsk is no longer part of poland and is ruled by some Gaelic dude, whatever.

UO0026.jpg


We decided to give our barons some more power gaining 40 prestige and loosing 1 stability.

UO0027.jpg


And then we spend 151 prestige to get claim on county of Sudovia.

UO0028.jpg


UO0029.jpg


Our friend, count of lower silesia, wants us to join him in heresy. Well, we were excomunicated once already so we tell him to go fuck himself.

UO0030.jpg


It's a new year, so it's time for new war with worst slavs. Since we have truce with prince of Polotsk and NOT count of Sudovia, we should be fine.

UO0031.jpg


In fact, prince of Polotsk is one who's breaking the truce defending him, ohohohoho.

UO0032.jpg


hussarmatija.jpg


My lord, Polotsk actually have army this time!

jerzy.jpg


Crap!

UO0033.jpg


I planned to do this cheaply, using only 3 thousand men, but Polotsk decided to put up a fight this time.

UO0034.jpg


We gathered additional soldiers and we are sieging Sudovia hoping for quick victory.

UO0035.jpg


UO0036.jpg


jerzy.jpg


We have what we wanted. Wańko! send Svyatoslav white peace offer!

UO0037.jpg


UO0021.jpg



Roses are red, Poles go home,
You want white peace?,
How about no?.


UO0001.jpg


We could gather our forces and beat him into submission. But that would cost us some money, so we decided to hide behind polish king instead...

War lasted for few month and then Svyatoslav signed white peace with king of Poland. We got what we wanted so everybody is happy now. Unfortunately we also gained fierce rivalry (it's completely random) with one of our vasalls. Now we will have to spend some money to keep him in line.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 10 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia and Prussia) - MAZOVIA STRONG (In other words - let's kick them while they lay and then some SCIENCE!).



I forgot to inform you that our marshall, Orban the Invincible died fighting russians in the last days of war with Polotsk. Good night sweet Orban.

UO0001.jpg


We still need at least two more counties to form Lithuania (we have 8 out of 19).

UO0002.jpg


We could, in theory, grab one or two more counties (our reputation should allow us to do this). But we need to deal with two things first. First of all, we had to grant our third son, Sulistryj, county of Podlasie se we won't suffer so much ineffficency. And now we will have to do something about our rebellious vassall - Count of Memel... our nephew (not the schizophrenic one).

UO0003.jpg


We won't be able to revoke his title, he's too disloyal to give up. We have to either spam him with money (which we don't have, at the moment) or declare war on him and take his title by force. He's allied with count of Danzig (our other vasall) so this could easily lead to civil war for no good reason. I decided to keep bribing him.

UO0004.jpg


We have send this disloyal bugger 200 gold and he calmed down. We will have to keep sending him gifts from time to time but that's not end of the world, at least he should keep building upgrades in his county thanks to this (or have shitton of money prepared when he rebell).

UO0005.jpg


Yup, he's building small castle so he decided to spend money we are sending him. I CARE ABOUT U, DO NOT BETRAY ME

UO0006.jpg


News at 11. There are some christians left in Iberia.



They are fucked anyway.

UO0007.jpg


Damn, our steward wife died.

UO0008.jpg


We decided to marry Godgifu in hope that godgifus money when we make her our steward.

UO0009.jpg


We have new king! we pay homage to him because its not yet time to part our ways with kingdom of Poland.

UO0010.jpg


We were building roads to speed up culture conversion of our counties and hey, apparently it's working.

UO0011.jpg


We have a lot of piety so I decided to get us some jews for additional income and pogrom events.

UO0012.jpg


Prussians got tired of fucking teutons and rebels took over Marienburg. Go prussians!

1_180.jpg


bilde.jpeg


UO0013.jpg


Our excomunicated, rebellious, bastard, heretic friend who wanted us to also become heretics, now want's us to betray our liege. We told him to seriously fuck off.

UO0014.jpg


UO0015.jpg


Yup, we have proper Prussia now. I wonder if teutons will still be bothering us if we reconquer Marienburg (we have a claim).

UO0017.jpg


Ok, it's this time of a year. It's winter (traditional time to fight worst slavs) and we grabbed ourselves claim on county of Beresty (I think it's what we, poles, know as Beresteczko, site of one of the largest battles of 17 century during Chmielnicki Uprising in Ukraine, we won but that's was pretty much only thing we won during this uprising and we got fucked anyway). Funny things is, they are part of Principality of Galich, which technically, doesn't exist because prince of Galich don't have any land, but they are at war with us anyway, go figure.

UO0018.jpg


jerzy.jpg


Powstań, Lechu, powstań! Lechu, a pisany porzuć dzban!
Patrz w słoneczko Beresteczka, hajdamaków gnaj!



10.jpg


We outnumber them 10 to 1 my liege, I think we got this... I'm getting tired of his bullshit.

UO0019.jpg


jerzy.jpg


COURAGE MEN! FIGHT WITH HONOR!

10.jpg


Jesus, there is 33 thousand of us and only 900 of them, will he shut up?

UO0020.jpg


GRORIOUS!

UO0021.jpg


And he was forced to accept our peace offer. Unfortunately our Polish allies decided to loot Beresty, fucking douchebags.

UO0022.jpg


Then we created bishopric there, and gave it to a dude with silly name.

UO0023.jpg


Ok, Principality of Galich DOES exist, and is BALLSY AS FUCK - They are going to attack 15 thousand poles in Beresty.

UO0024.jpg


Galich lost, and signed peace with our king.

UO0025.jpg


Ok, I suck at math, we have 9 out of 19 counties we need to form Lithuania. 10 is 66% of 19? dunno.

UO0026.jpg


Let's see if it is.

UO0027.jpg


UO0028.jpg


UO0029.jpg


Yeah, "Liberated". We are saving Curonians from themselves (Actually, this is mathematical experiment so I guess it's allright)

UO0030.jpg


UO0031.jpg


No, it's not enough. Or we have to be independent, I don't know. But we created title of Duchy of Courland, which is like, King of Almost Lithuania or Duchy of Most of Lithuanians, Emperor of A Lot Of Stuff... no matter, it gives us prestige.

UO0032.jpg
.

Ok, that's it for this episode. We conquered Beresty from evil Orthodonts and made proper bishopric there, and then we commited genocide for SCIENCE!. bye.

UO0033.jpg


Oh, and we will have to go independent soon because we make Poland look silly.

%25C4%2587ikin.JPG


Bye.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 11 Jerzy the Not So Sceptical Anymore (Actually Not Sceptical At All, Not Even A Bit...Nope. Also Duke of Mazovia, Prussia and Courland) - Birth of EPE (Evil Potato Empire) also we stare at our duke (ohohoho) and wait till he dies.



UO0001.jpg


Oh, come one we just invited them here. We will let them stay for a while and make us some money.

UO0002.jpg


We got some problems. Zhmud is in hands of Duchy of Lower Lorraine.

UO0003.jpg


And those are these guys. I'm not afraid of them attacking me, but it will make conquering Zhmud real pain in the ass since we will have to pay them a visit in Germany to have warscore high enough to take Zhmud.

UO0004.jpg


But that's not Jerzy's problem since he's 56.

UO0005.jpg


News at 11. Mecca is owned by Templar Order. OHOHOHOHOHO.

UO0006.jpg


We have grand-grand son and he has my name! OMG THE GAME KNOWS!

UO0007.jpg


UO0008.jpg


Our rebellious vasall is excomunicated. Things is, he's friends with Antonio... Antonio the Pope.

UO0010.jpg


Ok, that's really, really bad. King of Poland vassalized Duchy of Lower Lorraine. We can only hope that Poland will implode soon and we will be able to break free (King is too powerful for us now to beat him alone EVIL POTATO EMPIRE IS BORN THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPEND IF HALF OF EUROPE WOULDN'T DOGPILE ON US, true story).

UO0011.jpg


Suddenly, count of Zhmud become independent (Another Gaelic guy, what the fuck). I think its our chance to grab some more of Lithuania. Jerzy is old (63) and I'm scared shitless of sucession in middle of a war but we have to try.

UO0012.jpg


We grabbed claim on his title (and it costed us all of our prestige).

UO0013.jpg


And then quickly gathered some soldiers to beat his army and take his land.

jerzy.jpg


Wańko, tell my men to carry me into the battle. I would like to end my life like real man...

UO0014.jpg


jerzy.jpg


... Don't fucking drop me!

UO0015.jpg


Holy crap, we killed poor bastard in battle.

UO0016.jpg


UO0017.jpg


UO0018.jpg


And we liberated Zhmud from random Gaelic dude!

jerzy.jpg


First Słupsk, now Żmudź, buggers spread like a plague!

UO0019.jpg


And then we made our bishop a feudal count... just because.

UO0020.jpg


Now Poland looks less silly and we SHOULD be able to create Kingdom of Lithuania when we save enough money. Thing is, King of Poland have claim on Duchy of Mazovia and I'm not sure I wan't to go independent yet. Especially after Leopold von Isoldgermanytoslavs became vasall of king of Poland, silly duke.

UO0021.jpg


Nope, we still can't. We created duchy of Samogitia to dry our tears. We run out of pagans for our mathematical purpouses so I had to use calculator and I think we need 12,54 counties to create Lithuania. Goddamn, shit's specific.

UO0022.jpg


More news at 11. Empire of Fake Romans is no more! All hail Empire of Fake Bulgars (They are ruled by greeks).

UO0023.jpg


Jerzy is getting old, to be honest I hop he dies quick because his heir is not getting any younger either.

UO0024.jpg


We have another crusade. This time for Burgos.

UO0025.jpg


FINALLY... I mean... JEWS DID THIS!

kronikarz.jpg


Duke is dead... etc, etc. But bury him this time, don't throw him into a ditch like his father and brother.



UO0026.jpg


We spewed money at people to shut them up and this is our new duke. He's grandson of Jerzy. I must have missed when his father died but fuck him, Gosciwuj is ok.

UO0028.jpg


And we finally have some daughters, one of them is Lithuanian though,I hope it's not contagious (Gosciwuj is Polish and his wife is Hungarian so I don't even).

Ok, we have to cut this update a little bit early because of my system of naming episodes. So, till next time.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Oh get over it. Just continue as an Imperial vassal :P

Actually, our liege is very merciful god, so being his vassal is not such a pain. He used our troops only twice, and he very kindly asked us to give them to him both times. And I don't even remember when was the last time we had to pay any taxes. But Mazovia is big girl now, she needs to learn to do her own things, without constantly hiding under a skirt of mommy Poland.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 12 Gościwuj the Wrathful - Deadly conflict between heirs of Po and Lithu begins! (And some Russians got caught in the middle).



kronikarz.jpg


Your grandfather died, Gosciwuj, and it is God's will that you take rule over Duchy of Mazovia.

gosciwuj.jpg


... Soon to be kingdom.

kronikarz.jpg


King of Poland may not look kindly upon his vasall becoming equal of his.

gosciwuj.jpg


... Or a better of his. I'm also Piast, I have same right to rule as he does. And I'm not going to interfere with his rule. I'm going to make christian kingdom in this barbarian land. King of Poland will not dare stopping me from fulfilling God's will!

kronikarz.jpg


Or a fools errand. How exactly are you planning to create a kingdom here?

gosciwuj.jpg


Poland became too powerful, we need to send Pope a message that new power arised in the east and we can be counterwieght to Land of the Po...

kronikarz.jpg


Our holy ancestor! The Legendary Po!

gosciwuj.jpg


Yes, the Po... but we need:

UO0002.jpg


gosciwuj.jpg


County of Jaćwież.

UO0003.jpg


gosciwuj.jpg


And West Dvina. Then we shall regain what is rightfully ours, land that once belonged to brother of the Po - Lithu!

kronikarz.jpg


Lithuland?

gosciwuj.jpg


Lithuania!

UO0001.jpg


Dream is born and the sword is sharpened...

UO0004.jpg


Polotsk stands on our way to glory and they finally have a prince who is not complete fuck up. But we can't back down now, we are too close to fullfil God's will (Or total train wreck, which is arguably same thing).

UO0005.jpg


childbirth.original.jpg


My liege! you have a son!

gosciwuj.jpg


But is he... is he?

childbirth.original.jpg


Healthy?

gosciwuj.jpg


No, what I ment is... is he?

childbirth.original.jpg


Lithuanian? No, my liege, he's not.

gosciwuj.jpg


Oh, what a relieve... because my daughter...

childbirth.original.jpg


Yes, we know sire. We already isolated her...

UO0006.jpg


There is only one way to celebrate this glorious event properly. We declare war on Polotsk.

UO0007.jpg


Or we declare it on thieir vassal and they declare it on us... effect is the same!

gosciwuj2.jpg


RISE SONS OF LITHU! I SHALL LEAD YOU TO GLORY!

kronikarz.jpg


But you are a coward my liege!

gosciwuj2.jpg


No, I'm just pretending to be one to gain more intrigue...

kronikarz.jpg


Oh...

gosciwuj2.jpg


Seriously Wańko, you don't know shit about politics...

UO0008.jpg


UO0010.jpg


UO0011.jpg


UO0012.jpg


Quick annexation.

UO0013.jpg


And now we have to force Polotsk to sit the fuck down and acknowledge new master race.

UO0014.jpg


Get them Ivan! our "leader" have 3 martial but guy who's leading Polotsk forces has 1, so it's like Barbie fighting Miley Cyrus.

UO0016.jpg


Shit, Ivan beat them before Nikita joins in!

UO0017.jpg


FAK U IVEAN U FIRED!

UO0019.jpg


Now it's our bishop's turn. He need to save Zemgalia from evil Orthodonts!

UO0020.jpg


Ok, TIME OUT!... If anyone asks, we won.

gosciwuj2.jpg


We showed them...

kronikarz.jpg


Yeah...

UO0021.jpg


We granted Zbyszko Piast county of Jaćwież. Now we will wait, and next year we shall counquer West Dvina.

UO0022.jpg


There is no valhalla shitty enough for him.

UO0023.jpg


I was quite worried that my 14 intrigue wife hates me. Well, someone in court died and apparently she is to blame, so we decided to behead her. No we need new wife.

UO0024.jpg


We will marry Polish chick to minimize our kids chances to catch Lithuanism (I might be slightly too closely related to her for comfort, but whatever).

UO0025.jpg


UO0026.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


Another year, another war!

UO0027.jpg


UO0028.jpg


UO0029.jpg


UO0030.jpg


UO0031.jpg


Quick annexation.

UO0032.jpg


And now we have to force Letigallians to sit the fuck down and acknowledge new master race.

10.jpg


Like with Polotsk?...

UO0033.jpg


White peace, I'm allright with that. But now...

UO0034.jpg


UO0035.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


WE LITHUANIA NAO!
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 13 Gościwuj the Wrathful. War of the Potatoes.



UO0001.jpg


Right now, we are just a hat of Poland. Our blood relation with king of Poland won't help us much so we need to find allies, fast.

UO0002.jpg


Mecca no longer belongs to Knights Templars and nobody want's to be our allies. I asked Denmark, Sweden, France, England, Hungary, Bohemia and Poland. Everyone told me to fuck off.

UO0003.jpg


Well, it looks like we have to manage on our own. If Poland won't attack us we should be fine (we have +175 relations with them, if it even means anything in this game).

UO0004.jpg


Oh, now he wants alliance. Well, ok.

UO0005.jpg


I hope it won't be inbreed freak. Katarzyna is... a daughter of a brother of our grand father... I don't know how this shit is called. She's related to us for sure.

UO0006.jpg


We have a son, and he don't seem to be deformed

UO0007.jpg


Oh for fuck sakes they are back. We will decline but if they will keep bothering us we will have to give them Memel (telling them to go away costs 50 piety). Even though CK 1 and CK 2 really want's you to believe that, in middle ages you couldn't just pull crown out of your ass and be a king, you had to be crowned either by a Pope (making you enemy of Emperor) or by an Emperor (Making you Enemy of Pope, OR pull off Poland and be crowned by Emperor and then start stirring shit up in HRE to not end up like Bohemia and be bros with the Pope). Since there is no emperor of any kind anymore in our game, we have to LARP that we were crowned by a pope and getting excomunnicated will make us look silly.

UO0008.jpg


This is another way to convert provinces to your religion and I'm surprised we didn't get any of those earlier. We have option to try to convert province by force, which has 40 % chance of sucess but puts county in 'revolt' status.

UO0009.jpg


But it worked! Scalovia is catholic now. Now we have a little problem. Lithuanism spreads, since culture of kids depends not only on culture of parents, but also on culture of county they are being rised in, we havce quite a lot of Lithuanians now. Our capital is polish, so royal line, in theory, SHOULD stay polish. But if this gets out of hand, and we will have Lithuanian heir, we will have to revoke ALL our vasalls titles and start giving them to Lithuanians (which we can do since with king title we can control whooping 17 provinces ourselves). It may be hard to believe but I have absolutely nothing against Lithuanians. Thing is, I don't know any Lithuanian songs so it will make my LARPing harder.

UO0001.jpg


Poland is still at war with Polotsk (Same war we started) but they are finally getting upper hand. I'm not very happy about this.

UO0002.jpg


Yeah, Poland is clearly winning. But, this war is going for quite a long time and king of Poland don't have any claims on Polotsk so I'm not sure what he's hoping to get from it.

UO0003.jpg


Oh, and say hello to Cumans. Unfortunately, we have a chance to border them before Mongrels come.

UO0004.jpg


And I declined Teutons one to many times and we have heretics in Memel... which actually give us more money but leads to bad events.

UO0005.jpg


Crap, our heir is ill.

UO0006.jpg


And he died.

UO0007.jpg


Now Władysław is our heir.

UO0008.jpg


We hained some piety (piety speeds up process of loosing bad reputation) and I think it's time to get some more land. Polotsk lost it's capital to Chernigov but we still have claim on this place so we declare war on Chernigov.

UO0009.jpg


UO0010.jpg


Git 'em!

UO0011.jpg


UO0012.jpg


UO0013.jpg


Our marshall showed some badassery.

UO0014.jpg


UO0015.jpg


UO0016.jpg


Unfortunately, our warscore is too low so we will probably have to haul asses to Chernigov.

UO0017.jpg


Yes, it is too low... and we can't get to them because Cumans won't let us pass. So we stick Lithuanian flag in Polotsk and now we wait for Chernigov to lose their other county or for some "religious road" to them (Religious eniemies, like Cumans, won't let our armies pass).

UO0019.jpg


What the... our vasall declared war on us.

UO0020.jpg


UO0021.jpg


UO0022.jpg


What a strange person.

UO0023.jpg


UO0024.jpg


Thanks for prestige!

UO0025.jpg


UO0026.jpg


And we introduced West Dvina to teachings of our lord Cathol!

UO0027.jpg


War of the Potatoes!

wop.JPG]


gosciwuj2.jpg


I did not ask for this. Brother will have to fight brother because of Zelibrat's lust for power.

UO0034.jpg


Unfortunately, we are broke and we can't take initiative. AI can't go broke so it don't give a fuck, but we need to keep an eye on our treasury.

UO0036.jpg


But we can capture their enclave in Lithuania (or is it exclave? I always had problems with difference between those two)

UO0037.jpg


Potato's on the move!

UO0038.jpg


But thy got straight into a trap.

UO0039.jpg


We have some money now so we can try to save West Dvina.

UO0040.jpg


And then we lost regiment sieging Aukshayts because of "you meet mercenary regiment..." (this time Mongols, what the fuck) and they killed my army there. But there are good news, vasalls of Polish king are bailing out. We signed peace with - Cairo (county), Cairo (duchy), Kaliskie (county). And all of them actually agreed to pay us tribute.

UO0042.jpg


Now Lowe Lorraine want's peace and we have pretty big battle at Kujawy which we will probably lose because our army composition is much worse.

UO0043.jpg


No, we actually won!

UO0044.jpg


We are chasing their main army while some of our soldiers kill polish regiments in the north and siege polish king's counties there. King of Poland managed to take control of few of our provinces (and destroy our infrastructure there, crap) but we are taking them back.

UO0045.jpg


Ok, we took our land back and now we offer peace demanding Aukshayts.

gosciwuj2.jpg


And don't give me this "it's just a flesh wound" bullshit...

UO0046.jpg


And Polish king accepted. We won first War of the Potatoes. But we are at huge debt now.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 14 Gościwuj the Wrathful. Kaiser is back, Pope of Grassland and Brotatos.



UO0001.jpg


Our kingdom is bigger, but many of our provinces goot looted and have dysentery. We were forced to lower our church donations to get out of the debt quicker.

UO0002.jpg


Oh, and we are still at war with Chernigov. This silly "cold war" may last for a while because I don't think that Cumans are going anywhere and we won't be able to reach rest of Chernigov for some time.

UO0003.jpg


We looted polotsk (lowering it's value) and then demanded it in peace treaty, but offered them 132 gold as a tribute. They accepted our offer.

gosciwuj2.jpg


I'm so sneaky...

UO0004.jpg


kronikarz.jpg


My liege, I bring grave news. Your beloved wife killed herself...

gosciwuj2.jpg


Oh, well... find me a new steward... wife, then.

UO0005.jpg


King of Poland is in deep troubles. He have some sort of civil war and people dogpiled on him. He's even at war with TRIBE of Norway (Yup, king of Norway is pagan).

UO0006.jpg


Scalovia converted to ways of Potato but kingdom of Lithuania is still ethnical clusterfuck. We have Poles, Wends, Lithuanians, Latgallians, Russians and Prussians. Lithuanians are actually minority, which was also true for historical Grand Duchy of Lithuania (only 20% of population was Lithuanian).

UO0008.jpg


Our heir matured. We married him to polish woman and gave him county of memel and title Duke of Samogitia.

UO0009.jpg


Our reputation is slightly better and since we have claim on Orsha I decided to declare war on Polotsk.

UO0010.jpg


Or on their vasall, doesn't matter.

UO0011.jpg


We send Neachtainn (Goddamn, from where all those Gaelic dudes come from?) to take Orsha. Neachtainn is quite good leader (14 marshall) and he outnumber Russians slightly so I think we can count on him.

UO0012.jpg


Army of Polotsk decided no to fight us and siege Mińsk instead and we took Orsha without fight.

UO0013.jpg


And now Orsha is ours.

gosciwuj2.jpg


MINE!

UO0014.jpg


But Prince of Polotsk is not going to accept this fact unless we beat the crap out of him.

UO0015.jpg


We were loosing this battle badly, but then "flank" phase came and we started to gain upper hand. Then Prince of Polotsk offered to yield his claims on Podlasie. So no one can doubt that, this time, we actually won with them.

UO0016.jpg


Some time passed, and Poland spitted out Teutons, so Pany Pruskie should no longer ask us to give them Memel.

UO0017.jpg


Ways of Potato spread to Podlasie!

UO0018.jpg


We are running out of improvements to build so I decided to have another war even though our reputation is still slightly tarnished. This time we declare war directly on Prince of Polotsk.

gosciwuj2.jpg


We have to take Mińsk. But do not think that it's just a war of aggresion, oh no. It's matter of honour! Prince of Polotsk calls himself "Prince of Lithuania" and that's an outrage! W have to force him to end this madness and give this title to whom it belongs - to ME... but we will also take Mińsk.

UO0019.jpg


Gosciwuj is sieging Mińsk himself while Nechtainn is going to attack Smoleńsk. Since I want to grab two titles this time we will ned higher warscore.

UO0020.jpg


UO0021.jpg


We took Mińsk and Polotsk tries to save Smoleńsk. They don't have a chance since Nechtainn's regiment outnumbers them badly.

UO0022.jpg


UO0023.jpg


Plotsk's army is beaten and Smoleńsk is taken. It's time to make peace with "no longer prince of lithuania".

UO0024.jpg


Vladimir refuses to give up his title. We will have to pay him a visit in... Estonia and there is no horse people there to stop us! (In order to take Mińsk, we have to go to Estonia, defeat prince of Polotsk who is also duke of Lithuania and have capital in Smoleńsk, CRUSADER KINGS!)

UO0025.jpg


UO0026.jpg


UO0027.jpg


UO0029.jpg


UO0030.jpg


UO0031.jpg


We had to conquer all his provinces to force Vladimir to give up Mińsk and his ridiculous title. But we did it, no we are King and Duke of Lithuania (also Mazovia and Prussia we gave Samogitia to our heir basically making Samogitia a Dauphinate).

UO0032.jpg


Oh, that's interesting. We are going to agree, we are not planning to expand in king of Poland's territory anyway, so why not ally with them?

UO0033.jpg


Awwww shieeet, that's why he suddenly changed his mind (I tried to form alliance with him before and he declined) he's at war with fucking Kaiser. And Kaiser is BACK.

UO0034.jpg


Why the fuck are you attacking Norway when you are at war with Germany? But we decided to help this poor bugger.

UO0035.jpg


... Kaiser gon get excomunnicated. Well, we can't excommunicate Kaiser yet, Deryab of Grassland (Best. Pope. Name. Ever.) don't have enough prestige.

UO0036.jpg


Mieszko did not ask me to help him fight Kaiser but I'm going to do it anyway. I mean, we are polish, and there is something called polish unity... I can beat the shit out of king of Poland but NO ONE ELSE CAN!

gosciwuj2.jpg


Mieszko is not Zelibrat, we need to help our brothers! DECLARE WAR ON HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE!

bros.jpg


UO0037.jpg


You cannot has!

UO0038.jpg


We "liberated" Meissen from Germans.

UO0039.jpg


And took tribute from Bavaria.

UO0040.jpg


UO0041.jpg


UO0001.jpg


War with Kaiser forged friendship between Gościwuj and Mieszko. And then we liberated Brandenburg.

UO0006.jpg


I think Mieszko got this now (he brought some troops from Norway) so we ask for white pace with Kaiser. We don't have any claims in Germany so we can't get anything out of this war (other than prestige)

UO0007.jpg
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 15 Gościwuj the Wrathful. How the east was won and fake horse people.



UO0001.jpg


Since Deryab become a Pope we got Beresty back and now we have more land than we can control. I decided to give my third son, Masław, county of Kurs and Duchy of Courland.

UO0002.jpg


Żmudź saw the glory of Potato and switched it's culture to Polish.

UO0003.jpg


Apparently Mieszko was excommunicated, we asked Deryab to lift excommunication, after all, Gościwuj is 'master theologian' (not that he have to be even fucking literate, we OWN the poap, maan).

UO0004.jpg


And now Zemigalia. That's pretty strange culture change route...

UO0005.jpg


Something like that, completely ignoring other counties.

UO0006.jpg


We have a lot of money and nothing to do with them. It's time for another war, we have claim on Pińsk but count of Pińsk is vassal of Hungary so we will have to also fight them.

UO0007.jpg


I'm not very afraid of Hungary anymore. They become much less powerful after couple civil wars.

UO0008.jpg


UO0009.jpg


UO0010.jpg


We won at Pińsk but Hungarians are sieging polish territory so we will have to help them (Poles, not Hungarians).

UO0011.jpg


Hungarians outmaneuvered us evading Gosciwuj army and attacking us at Pińsk.

UO0012.jpg


But, even outnumbered, Neachtainn is doing well (and help is coming).

UO0013.jpg


He won.

UO0014.jpg


And then took Pińsk! One badass Gaelic dude.

UO0015.jpg


Now we have to force king of Hungary to sign peace with us.

UO0016.jpg


UO0017.jpg


UO0018.jpg


Deryab to the rescue. He called for Peace of God. We decided to respect his decision.

UO0019.jpg


But king of Hungary did not. He didn't get excommunicated though. But how the fuck did he got -5779 prestige?

UO0020.jpg


Teutons pretend they are actually fucking useful. Well, maybe they are but I don't really need any mercenaries

UO0021.jpg


We easily could sign white peace and be done with it but we don't have anything else to do so we can at least force Hungarian king to yield his claims on us (He have claims of Pińsk and Polotsk).

UO0022.jpg


But after some medieval diplomacy we forced Hungarian king to give up his claims.

UO0023.jpg


And then we had to grant some titles because high inefficency.

UO0001.jpg


We run out of improvements to build and I don't think it's because we are backward. Either I'm looking at the "tech map" wrong or we are good on castle tech for example.

UO0002.jpg


Or even on plate armours. Actually, we are good on fucking everything. We are Modernthuania.

UO0003.jpg


Gosciwuj is 53, soon he should be summoned by our lord Cathol so we could start another war of aggresion (sucession should lower our bad reputation a bit).

UO0004.jpg


County of Turov will be our next target. It's owned by 7 years old, stressed kid who is vasall of Hlynov so it should be a quick war. Conquering Turov will open road to Kiev for us, and Kiev should be one badass province. Kiev was richest place in whole eastern europe untill Mongols raped the shit out of it multiple times. Looting Kiev was favorite sport of eastern europeans but we always made sure that SOMETHING is left after looting. Well, Mongols did not and Kiev never regained it's status after invasion. But Kiev belongs to Cumans, and conquering Turov will make dem horse people our neighbours.

UO0005.jpg


UO0006.jpg


UO0007.jpg


They don't want to fight and try to buy a peace. Not a chance, especially since this kid have some claims on us.

UO0008.jpg


UO0009.jpg


UO0010.jpg


UO0011.jpg


UO0012.jpg


We conquered Turov and forced it's previous owner to shove his claims up his ass.

UO0013.jpg


UO0014.jpg


Than we signed white peace with Hlynov thanks to random event.

UO0015.jpg


And now we border Evil Tribe of Pagan Cumans (tm) who can field almost as many men as we can.

w2x9tbj5hn6.jpg


kronikarz.jpg


Sire, khan of Cumans send his regards to you as his new neighbour...

gosciwuj2.jpg


Cumans? they are not only pagan, they are also goddamn impostors and fake horse people!

kronikarz.jpg


Watchu talkin' 'bout Gosciwuj?

gosciwuj2.jpg


We are Polish! We are directly descended from one and only, true white horse people! Sarmatians!

tumblr_mbuz4ggkDQ1rpr103o1_1280.gif




gosciwuj2.jpg


Ku powieści tej nakłoń ucha,
Ludu wierny mój, a posłuchaj
I miej wiecznie przed oczami,
Kimżeś między narodami


kronikarz.jpg


Not another fucking Nero wannabe...
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 16 Gościwuj the Wrathful. CRUSADE!

gosciwuj2.jpg


Wanko, do you think this is motherfucking game? We can't have some dirty asiatic pagans riding around on horses pretending that being nomad is something they come up with. I'm old but we must act! I'm writing down my last will. Which will be called "No peace till Crimea"

kronikarz.jpg


Crimea belongs to Imperium Bulgariae, Cumans did not conquered it my liege...

gosciwuj2.jpg


Oh, then... "No pace till Caucasus"

kronikarz.jpg


Caucasus is far away...

gosciwuj2.jpg


So what? This is matter of honour!

UO0001.jpg


Stupid fucking idea is born, and the sword is sharpened.

UO0002.jpg


Sudovia liked this whole "descended from sarmatians" idea so much that they turned Polish.

UO0003.jpg


And then Polish King decided to attack Kaiser. Well, you started it, you finish it, we are busy looking scary because CUMANS ARE WATCHING.

UO0004.jpg


Potato-On-A-Horse idea spreads, Auksztota is now polish!

UO0006.jpg


But jews don't like this idea and people want to kick them out. Gosciwuj with his piety can allow himself to have few moneylenders here and there, but he's zelous (we might have to start kicking them out after sucession).

UO0007.jpg


And then Gosciwuj heard God calling him to crusade. We gained 'crusader' trait which sucks because it don't give you anything and only makes crusader expectetions higher (we will loose piety until crusade is over), and I'm not going to haul my ass to Spain while we border super-powerful pagans. Or you know what...

gosciwuj2.jpg


Wanko, bring me my bishop...

torquemada1.jpg


My king, our Lord Cathol wants you to take up the cross and drove infidels off the holy land!

gosciwuj2.jpg


... Burgos.

torquemada1.jpg


... Yes, the second holy land.

gosciwuj2.jpg


Listen, what if I attacked Cumans, pretending that they are Saracens and drove them off Kiev, pretending it's Burgos, and then mak a pilgrimage around Galindia, pretending its Jerusalem. Would God be allright with that?

torquemada1.jpg


Well, if you put some mony on top of that, I think that would be cool.

gosciwuj2.jpg


Deal.

Later that year in Galindia:



UO0008.jpg


They have more soldiers than we do, but it is God's will! (sort of).



UO0009.jpg


We give cross to first regiment and send it at Kiev hoping that God is on our side!

UO0010.jpg


Sure as fuck he is!

UO0011.jpg


But the Cuman devils are many so we need more soldiers.

UO0012.jpg


Army of God is formed and we prepare to strike at pagans with fury (Or take our shit back because we didn't prepare ourselves for this war at all and Cumans are already taking Turov).

UO0013.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


Fear not, it's part of a plan to weaken Cumans!

UO0014.jpg


And battle begins! they outnumber us by 5 thousands, BUT ARMY OF GOD CANNOT BE BEATEN!

UO0015.jpg


UO0016.jpg


Choo-%252B-Choo-Train-e1343675759341.jpeg


gosciwuj2.jpg


Regroup!

torquemada1.jpg


What a fucking train wreck...I mean, next time God will grant us victory!

UO0017.jpg


We try to regroup at Mińsk but Cumans are following us.

UO0018.jpg


Yeah, let's go broke during a war, why not.



We formed Better Army of God (tm) and we attack Cumans at Mińsk!

UO0019.jpg


UO0020.jpg


UO0021.jpg


Our marshall died and then we got our asses handed to us so we had to retreat.

UO0022.jpg


Then we formed This Time For Real Army of God (tm) and we prepare to strike at Cumans at Orsha.

UO0023.jpg


Another glorious battle begins!

gosciwuj2.jpg


With honour men! Strike at the pagans and let your warcry be "SLAUGHTER, SLAUGHTER, SLAUGHTER!"

UO0024.jpg


Grorious.

UO0025.jpg


UO0026.jpg


Our morale sucks badly and we had to retreat again. Now we will let our regiments rest and bring more troops from Kujawy and Plock.

UO0028.jpg


Cumans are being eaten by attrition and we still have fresh troops in western parts of our kingdom.

UO0029.jpg


We made Fearghus our new marshall and we prepare to bring soldiers from Kujawy and Płock. God is on our side!

UO0027.jpg


It might look like we are loosing but... Nah, we are loosing.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 17 Gościwuj the Wrathful. CRUSADE! part 2.



UO0001.jpg


Well, the game crashed (first crash of this series). But unfortunately it crashed after autosave so I can't pretend this train wreck didn't happend.

UO0002.jpg


We lost around 20 thousand men during initial stage of our CRUSADE! so I'm planning to wait some time (for our treasury to fill a bit) and then send more soldiers to fight (we still have 80 thousand men).

UO0003.jpg


Our second son died, I don't know how it happend so I'm going to blame it on Cumans.

UO0004.jpg


We had to sell our library becaus we are broke (Official propoaganda of Gosciwuj said we lost library not because we are broke, but because defenders were throwing books at Cumans during siege of Mińsk) I decided to mobilize my vasalls troops (14 thousand men) to keep Cumans at bay untill we have enough money to fight with our own troops. My only son left is leading this army, but it is God's will to fight Cumans so he will be protected by Divine Shenanigans (tm).

UO0005.jpg


We formed Sequel to God's Army and my son is leading it.

UO0006.jpg


Unfortunately, my son have martial skill of 5 and is crazy. At least he's zealous.

UO0007.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


NO! Anyone who will spread news that Cumans wanted peace will be hanged!

UO0008.jpg


Sequel to God's Army engaged Cumans at Mińsk.

maslaw.jpg


This is where fate of whole Middle-Earth will be decided. Attack my hobbits, attack!

10.jpg


UO0009.jpg


Our looney won with 'brilliant strategist' with martiall skill of 19.

UO0010.jpg


Now he have to take Mińsk back.

UO0011.jpg


Mińsk is liberated and Władysław the Mad can continue his trail of destruction (Also, Cumans didn't loot our provinces, they are very polite nomads).

UO0012.jpg


Our insane son engaged Cumans at Turov and Gosciwuj starts praying.

UO0013.jpg


One of our vasalls was captured and executed during battle (unfortunately it wasn't our son). But we won this battle and now Władysław prepares to take Turov.

UO0014.jpg


We liberated Turov and order Mińsk regiment to defend it while Władysław strikes at Kiev.

UO0015.jpg


Turov is secure and now we siege Kiev.

UO0016.jpg


UO0017.jpg


We took Kiev but Gosciwuj, who is defending Turov, is in deep troubles so we have to send Władysław to help him.

UO0018.jpg


UO0019.jpg


UO0020.jpg


He arrived in time!

UO0021.jpg


Now we must strike at Cumans while their morale sucks.

UO0022.jpg


Unfortunately there was too many of them so we had to fall back.

UO0023.jpg


For fucks sake attack Cumans not Jews!

UO0024.jpg


I will take money, thanks.

UO0025.jpg


Holy fuck!

UO0026.jpg


We formed God's Army the TV Series and we prepare to strike at Kiev again (Cumans regained it).

UO0027.jpg


UO0028.jpg


UO0029.jpg


Now we shall march at Chernigov (Fuck Turov, there is 14 thousand Cumans there).

UO0030.jpg


UO0031.jpg


Bastards cut off my leg!

UO0032.jpg


But we won! and 20 thousand of our soldiers are marching at Turov.

*sound of 20 thousand men marching at Turov*
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 18 Gościwuj the Wrathful (Or Gościwuj Cumanicus). CRUSADE! part 3.



UO0033.jpg


We captured Chernigov and our second army is almost at Turov.

UO0034.jpg


Cumans took Kiev back but that's ok. Soon we will retake Turov and their army will be trapped.

UO0035.jpg


Unfortunately our second army don't have any leader (I think that having annonymous commander is worse than having commander with martial skill of 1).

UO0036.jpg


We got attacked in Chernigov and because of poor morale I was forced to retreat (I wanted to retreat to Turov but fucktards decided to go to Terebovl).

UO0037.jpg


UO0038.jpg


Crap, bastards suddenly have 37 thousands men in Chernigov.

UO0039.jpg


We are forced to mobilize all we have.

UO0040.jpg


Battle of Chernigov continues!

UO0041.jpg


We lost, but we were badly outnumbered.

UO0042.jpg


UO0043.jpg


Gosciwuj is sieging Kiev while rest of soldiers are fighting Cumans at Turov.

UO0001.jpg


Due to crappy morale and lack of any leadership we were forced to retreat. But Cumans lost more men than we did.

UO0002.jpg


And now we send another army at them, basically trying to meatgrind Cumans.

UO0003.jpg


I hope Cumans will have enough of this soon because we are running out of soldiers.

UO0004.jpg


Now we must attack Chernigov and send this army some kind of leader.

UO0005.jpg


We have more soldiers but no leader and we are attacking Khan himself.

UO0006.jpg


UO0007.jpg


UO0008.jpg


We won and Cumans lost 10 thousand men!

UO0009.jpg


They attacked us with another stack but we managed to hold our ground (killing 7 thousand Cumans).

UO0010.jpg


We took Chernigov and now Cumans try to meatgrind us.

UO0011.jpg


Now we continue our trail of tears. I think we killed their army here and we still have 20 thousand men in reserve, but that's all we have.

UO0012.jpg


Khan of Cumans decided to accept our peace offer, we gained Kiev and Chernigov and fullfiled Sort of God's Will! and we lost 30 thousand men during this CRUSADE!.

UO0013.jpg


Lithuania gained some land (and we even managed to make money during this war, thank's to chapter house event) but we are running at 60% efficency and I'm afraid of creating vasalls during war (we are part of crusade) because I heard it's bugged (even official CK FAQ says not to do it).

UO0014.jpg


Great we can have peace with Almoravids!

UO0015.jpg


We don't have any courtiers trustworthy enough to give them titles so we had to give counties to people who are already my vasalls. I gave Chernigov to count of Pińsk and Turov to count of Beresty.

UO0016.jpg


I planned to assasinated my son, Władysław, because he's crap. But he's ill, severly wounded and crazy, he have life expetancy of 5 minutes anyway (Knowing my luck he will inherit kingdom and live till his fucking eighties).

UO0017.jpg


... Ok.

UO0018.jpg


Thanks... I guess. I will spend this gold on glory of God!

UO0019.jpg


... And to kill my son.

UO0020.jpg


Shit I missclicked and tried to kill wrong dude.

UO0021.jpg


Good night sweet prince.

UO0022.jpg


But we got 'kinslayer'.

UO0023.jpg


This is our new heir. Imram, son of Masław, our not-fucked-up third son (Who got killed by Cumans).

UO0024.jpg


And then we created Archbishopric of Samogitia to atone for our sins.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 19 Gościwuj the Wrathful (Or Gościwuj Cumanicus). Another war with worst slavs (And we didn't start it this time, I promise).



Oldest known Polish medieval song (between 10th and 13th century). It was sung before battles by polish knights... and not only, one polish chronicle says about bishop being outraged when rebelious peasants started singing it. It was hip as hell back then, yo.

UO0001.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


War with Cumans is over, Lithuania entered new era of prosperity but we need more land. Wańko, tell my marshall to prepare attack on Lyubech.

UO0002.jpg


That's this province here, they are part of Principality of Chernigov but we can reach them this time so it's not a problem. And after we conquer Lyubech we will be able to usurp Duchy of Chernigov.

UO0003.jpg


UO0004.jpg


This might be slight overkill but we are rich so who cares.

UO0005.jpg


UO0006.jpg


UO0007.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


Fools, they are going to regret this decision!

UO0008.jpg


Wounded while fighting evil Orthodonts!

UO0009.jpg


UO0010.jpg


UO0011.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


Now we have to teach Peryeslavl a lesson!

UO0012.jpg


UO0013.jpg


We decided to sign white peace with Chernigov but there is still Pereyeslavl to deal with.

UO0014.jpg


UO0015.jpg


They are no match even for wounded Gosciwuj.

UO0016.jpg


gosciwuj2.jpg


Courege men! Help is coming!

UO0017.jpg


At Polish camp in Smoleńsk.

kronikarz.jpg


Sire, Prince of Pereyeslavl send his messanger and is proposing white pace... we are outnumbered sire!

gosciwuj2.jpg


Show me this treaty... Allright, now Impale prince messanger and send message to Smoleńsk castle that I'm going to stick this peace treaty in Prince of Pereyeslavl's ass when I catch this swine!

UO0018.jpg


UO0019.jpg


UO0020.jpg


Shieeet...

gosciwuj2.jpg


I'll be back kacapy jedne!

UO0021.jpg


UO0022.jpg


UO0023.jpg


UO0025.jpg


UO0026.jpg


Unfortunately Gościwuj is ill and severly wounded and he no longer can lead our armies. Lithuanian forces will have to manage without his uplifting speeches.

UO0027.jpg


UO0028.jpg


And it finally happened. King is dead, long live the king!

UO0029.jpg


We spewed money at our vasall and we must continue war with worst slavs as a kid (since Imram is not adult yet it's ok to continue this update).

UO0030.jpg


We won some random battle but now we must wait for rest of our soldiers to arrive because we are getting our asses kicked here to be honest.

UO0033.jpg


Crusade ended end Burgos now belong to Bohemia.

UO0032.jpg


We lost half of our soldiers because of sucession but we managed to kick Pereyeslavl out of our shit and take some of their shit. Unfortunately we were not able to get any land from this war. We only had claim on Smoleńsk and Smoleńsk now, somehow is in hand of polish king. We got tribute of 43 gold coins though, yay.

UO0004.jpg


And we had to give some land to people because Imram have poor intrigue, and even then we are running only at 60% efficency. We are severly weakend because of this succession but things should be fine after Imram matures.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 20 Imram Who's Father Was Killed By Cumans - Second War of the Potatoes.

UO0001.jpg


I'm still getting these "local chapter house offer assistance" (there is no crusade and we are not even at war) events, since it gives you 8000 gold for free I decided to save and reload every time I get it (it makes it go away) because it seems like a bug.

UO0002.jpg


You just noticed it? Constantinople is in hands of Turks for more than 50 fucking years, they even converted it to Islam.

UO0003.jpg


We decided to finance new crusade. I would actually be happy to go on a crusade but I don't trust Poland (We are no longer allies).

UO0004.jpg


Well, ERE (Technically Bulgars but it doesn't matter if game calls them Bulgars or Byzantines because no one ever used name "Byzantine Empire" in middle ages anyway) is at war with Turks and they are controlling Byzantion now so it might be pretty short crusade.

UO0005.jpg


Imram (It's extremely strange name by the way) is now adult and can marry, he haven't finished his education yet though.

UO0006.jpg


We married him to random polish chick. She's also Piast but I don't know her parents so it should be allright.

UO0007.jpg


Ok, Imram is not Gosciwuj and because of crusade expectations we started to lose piety every month. We need to kick out few jews.

imram.jpg


Wańko! send regiment of soldiers to Zemigalia and get rid of Jews there!

kronikarz.jpg


Why you look so angry my lord?

imram.jpg


Because... Cumans killed my father.

kronikarz.jpg


Revenge will be yours, my lord, but first let's kick out some jews.

UO0008.jpg


I don't trust polish King. He have claims on us and refused our alliance proposal three times.

imram.jpg


We can't trust him. His father was honorable man but Józef will not hestitate to strike at us at first sign of weakness.

10.jpg


- Is his face stuck like that?
- It's because Cumans killed his father.
- Oh...


UO0009.jpg


Yes! Midas Touched - Level 4 stewardship education.

UO0010.jpg


But we suck at stewardship anyway. Well, fuck.

UO0011.jpg


I hoped that his intrigue will be better but no such luck. I decided to give Galindia to our brother Budziwuj (dude we almost killed due to misslick), and now we are at 70% efficency and I'm ok-ish with that.

UO0012.jpg


imram.jpg


We can wait for Józef to strike at us... or we can to strike at him first, beat him and force him to abandon his claims on Auksztota.

kronikarz.jpg


That's true, but we have to remember that our neighbours hates us and they can attack while we will be busy fighting king of Poland.

imram.jpg


Then, with God's help, we will crush all our enemies at once!

UO0013.jpg


Second War of the Potatoes!

UO0014.jpg


UO0015.jpg


They were trying to siege Czersk but we raised our troops there and told them to fuck off.

UO0016.jpg


UO0017.jpg


Then we attacked at Sieradz, we have claim on it (I don't know how we got it) but I'm not going to fuck with provinces west of Vistula river (but we will capture it for warscore)

UO0018.jpg


UO0019.jpg


Battle at Kraków. Józef forces (I'm not going to call them "polish forces" because WE are polish forces, we are North Best Poland) are led by Duke of Lower Lorraine.

UO0020.jpg


UO0021.jpg


UO0022.jpg


Biatch slapped.

UO0023.jpg


Smoleńsk (our main goal) is taken. No we have to force Józef to give up his claims on Auksztota.

UO0024.jpg


BETRAYAL! Now we have realm duress, fuck.

UO0025.jpg


But we captured Kraków.

UO0026.jpg


Józef accepted to give us Smoleńsk and abandon his claims. Now...

imram.jpg


Bring me the head of count of Chełmińskie!

UO0027.jpg


Fucker who sparked civil war gon get raped.

UO0028.jpg


UO0029.jpg


UO0030.jpg


UO0031.jpg


Now we have to haul our asses to Hungary because this bugger is also count of Nitra.

UO0001.jpg


UO0002.jpg


We took all his titles and gave it to our second brother.

UO0003.jpg


Now we are at 40% efficency (realm duress lowers intrigue) and we will have to live with it until realm duress thingy goes away. I don't want to give any more land, and it's bad idea anyway since vasalls will now keep revolting for no reason.
 

As an Amazon Associate, rpgcodex.net earns from qualifying purchases.
Back
Top Bottom