Ivar the Boner
Arcane
Update 21 Imram Who's Father Was Killed By Cumans - Spicing up our civil war.
1173 was a strange year in which signs on earth and the sky seemed to announce disasters and unusual events. Pasants recall the huge numbers of locusts swarming from the Wild Fields and destroying crops and grass, which forecast Cuman raids. There was a grand eclipse of the sun in the summer and shortly after, a comet appeared in the sky...
Well, we have a civil war, or "realm duress". Which means our vasalls will keep revolting even if they have 100 loytalty and there is nothing we can do about it. I'm allright with that because Jerzy's excommunication was really anti-climatic (only people who declared war on us then were... pagans) so maybe this time we will have some real problems for a change. And since we areNorth Best Poland or Potato-Hitman Commonwealth that travelled back in time it's only fitting to have realm duress because civil war was pretty much normal state for Rzeczpospolita. Nobles were equals and every noble had a right to revolt if he felt opressed (or when they were told to do things they did not wanted to do) and even common soldiers had a right to make confederation and revolt if they did not got paid (which was pretty much all the time*). But Imram is strong willed, zelous guy so he will not take any shit from his vasalls and they can expect to get their land raided at any sign of rebelion.
*Fun fact, yearly wage of Polish Winged Hussar was around 100 Złoty (in 17th century) and cost of Hussar's horse was two or three times as much, and they were sometimes loosing three horses in one battle. That's a fucking dedication to your craft, maaan. But they were recruited from richest nobility (Elite status of this formation is a myth though, only requirement was equipment which was expensive as balls) so they were not doing this for money. Only formation that was pretty much guaranteed to get paid were German mercenary infantry (which led to legends about their loyalty, which are actually true, fuckers sometimes had to be killed by army that rebelled because they did not want to join rebellion and refused to disband because they got paid). In shittiest situation possible was in-famous Lisowczycy Mercenary Group, which did no received ANY money EVER, they had to loot shit to survive which led to horrible scenes during 30 years war (they were hired by Emperor) and destroyed our reletion with Russia forever (They were send to have fun is Russia during period called "Dymitriada" or "Wielka Smuta" (1610-1612). And if u no potato then look up Rebrandt painting "The Polish Rider" - that's "Lisowczyk".
Enough of history lesson by a guy who has no fucking right to do history lessons. Now, let's go down the toilet, shall we?
I'm going to accept that. Pereyeslavl is reasonably powerful and have claims on us. I don't want any war until we go out of "realm duress".
Oh, and we somehow managed to inherit crapton of claims on Sweden. Which may lead to some inverted deluge in the future.
And we are friends with our brother Budziwuj, oh cute. I actually wonder if "friendship" mechanism overrides "realm duress" (friends will never declare war on you). We are going to take a risk and give our brother county of Smoleńsk.
Kaiser is really getting his shit together. He acually starts to look scary.
Trolololo...
And we got 'suspicious' trait because we were spying on our wife. It actually can save our asses becuase this trait makes us better at intrigue so we can control more land. Now we run at 80% efficency instead of 50% and controlling too much land makes loosing "realm duress" harder.
Wańko, this is most uneventful civil war ever, let's do something for God's sake, I'm bored.
Like what?
Let's attack Cumans... because Cumans killed my father.
As you wish sire, I shall send word to your marshall.
... What? he's Cuman so it counts!
What's with our marshalls getting wounded all the time?
Death by old age my ass!
Cumans... killed my marshall.
And we conquered Moskva!
We don't have anyone we could give it to and we lost our marshall but whatever. We will give it to our daughter when she grow up or something.
Prince of Pereyeslavl got horribly murdered (he also had realm duress) and we are no longer allies so Hungary asked us for alliance. We accept because Hungary is traditional Brotato of all things Polish.
Ok, our wife is ill (-5 fertility) and we have only daughters. We have to kill her.
Die you cunt!
CUMANS DID THIS!
But nobody believes us and we are now "kinslayer".
We decided to marry Agathe von Bonngau because she's young and lustful (but she doesn't like us much so we have to shag her quick).
Aw yisss.
What the fuck, we have realm duress for pete's sake!
Game is trolling us.
And we converted Moskva to catholicism!
We have a son!
Ok, finally something is happening.
He shall pay!
Count of Danzig decided that he want to be independent. Well, he won't be.
We had to re-vessalize him and now he's at 100 loyalty (and still rising). Oh, cruelty of civil war.
1173 was a strange year in which signs on earth and the sky seemed to announce disasters and unusual events. Pasants recall the huge numbers of locusts swarming from the Wild Fields and destroying crops and grass, which forecast Cuman raids. There was a grand eclipse of the sun in the summer and shortly after, a comet appeared in the sky...
Well, we have a civil war, or "realm duress". Which means our vasalls will keep revolting even if they have 100 loytalty and there is nothing we can do about it. I'm allright with that because Jerzy's excommunication was really anti-climatic (only people who declared war on us then were... pagans) so maybe this time we will have some real problems for a change. And since we are
*Fun fact, yearly wage of Polish Winged Hussar was around 100 Złoty (in 17th century) and cost of Hussar's horse was two or three times as much, and they were sometimes loosing three horses in one battle. That's a fucking dedication to your craft, maaan. But they were recruited from richest nobility (Elite status of this formation is a myth though, only requirement was equipment which was expensive as balls) so they were not doing this for money. Only formation that was pretty much guaranteed to get paid were German mercenary infantry (which led to legends about their loyalty, which are actually true, fuckers sometimes had to be killed by army that rebelled because they did not want to join rebellion and refused to disband because they got paid). In shittiest situation possible was in-famous Lisowczycy Mercenary Group, which did no received ANY money EVER, they had to loot shit to survive which led to horrible scenes during 30 years war (they were hired by Emperor) and destroyed our reletion with Russia forever (They were send to have fun is Russia during period called "Dymitriada" or "Wielka Smuta" (1610-1612). And if u no potato then look up Rebrandt painting "The Polish Rider" - that's "Lisowczyk".
Enough of history lesson by a guy who has no fucking right to do history lessons. Now, let's go down the toilet, shall we?
I'm going to accept that. Pereyeslavl is reasonably powerful and have claims on us. I don't want any war until we go out of "realm duress".
Oh, and we somehow managed to inherit crapton of claims on Sweden. Which may lead to some inverted deluge in the future.
And we are friends with our brother Budziwuj, oh cute. I actually wonder if "friendship" mechanism overrides "realm duress" (friends will never declare war on you). We are going to take a risk and give our brother county of Smoleńsk.
Kaiser is really getting his shit together. He acually starts to look scary.
Trolololo...
And we got 'suspicious' trait because we were spying on our wife. It actually can save our asses becuase this trait makes us better at intrigue so we can control more land. Now we run at 80% efficency instead of 50% and controlling too much land makes loosing "realm duress" harder.
Wańko, this is most uneventful civil war ever, let's do something for God's sake, I'm bored.
Like what?
Let's attack Cumans... because Cumans killed my father.
As you wish sire, I shall send word to your marshall.
... What? he's Cuman so it counts!
What's with our marshalls getting wounded all the time?
Death by old age my ass!
Cumans... killed my marshall.
And we conquered Moskva!
We don't have anyone we could give it to and we lost our marshall but whatever. We will give it to our daughter when she grow up or something.
Prince of Pereyeslavl got horribly murdered (he also had realm duress) and we are no longer allies so Hungary asked us for alliance. We accept because Hungary is traditional Brotato of all things Polish.
Ok, our wife is ill (-5 fertility) and we have only daughters. We have to kill her.
Die you cunt!
CUMANS DID THIS!
But nobody believes us and we are now "kinslayer".
We decided to marry Agathe von Bonngau because she's young and lustful (but she doesn't like us much so we have to shag her quick).
Aw yisss.
What the fuck, we have realm duress for pete's sake!
Game is trolling us.
And we converted Moskva to catholicism!
We have a son!
Ok, finally something is happening.
He shall pay!
Count of Danzig decided that he want to be independent. Well, he won't be.
We had to re-vessalize him and now he's at 100 loyalty (and still rising). Oh, cruelty of civil war.
