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Completed Let's Play Crusader Kings Deus Vult (God wills it!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Ivar the Boner, May 20, 2013.

  1. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 21 Imram Who's Father Was Killed By Cumans - Spicing up our civil war.

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    1173 was a strange year in which signs on earth and the sky seemed to announce disasters and unusual events. Pasants recall the huge numbers of locusts swarming from the Wild Fields and destroying crops and grass, which forecast Cuman raids. There was a grand eclipse of the sun in the summer and shortly after, a comet appeared in the sky...

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    Well, we have a civil war, or "realm duress". Which means our vasalls will keep revolting even if they have 100 loytalty and there is nothing we can do about it. I'm allright with that because Jerzy's excommunication was really anti-climatic (only people who declared war on us then were... pagans) so maybe this time we will have some real problems for a change. And since we are North Best Poland or Potato-Hitman Commonwealth that travelled back in time it's only fitting to have realm duress because civil war was pretty much normal state for Rzeczpospolita. Nobles were equals and every noble had a right to revolt if he felt opressed (or when they were told to do things they did not wanted to do) and even common soldiers had a right to make confederation and revolt if they did not got paid (which was pretty much all the time*). But Imram is strong willed, zelous guy so he will not take any shit from his vasalls and they can expect to get their land raided at any sign of rebelion.

    *Fun fact, yearly wage of Polish Winged Hussar was around 100 Złoty (in 17th century) and cost of Hussar's horse was two or three times as much, and they were sometimes loosing three horses in one battle. That's a fucking dedication to your craft, maaan. But they were recruited from richest nobility (Elite status of this formation is a myth though, only requirement was equipment which was expensive as balls) so they were not doing this for money. Only formation that was pretty much guaranteed to get paid were German mercenary infantry (which led to legends about their loyalty, which are actually true, fuckers sometimes had to be killed by army that rebelled because they did not want to join rebellion and refused to disband because they got paid). In shittiest situation possible was in-famous Lisowczycy Mercenary Group, which did no received ANY money EVER, they had to loot shit to survive which led to horrible scenes during 30 years war (they were hired by Emperor) and destroyed our reletion with Russia forever (They were send to have fun is Russia during period called "Dymitriada" or "Wielka Smuta" (1610-1612). And if u no potato then look up Rebrandt painting "The Polish Rider" - that's "Lisowczyk".

    Enough of history lesson by a guy who has no fucking right to do history lessons. Now, let's go down the toilet, shall we?

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    I'm going to accept that. Pereyeslavl is reasonably powerful and have claims on us. I don't want any war until we go out of "realm duress".

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    Oh, and we somehow managed to inherit crapton of claims on Sweden. Which may lead to some inverted deluge in the future.

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    And we are friends with our brother Budziwuj, oh cute. I actually wonder if "friendship" mechanism overrides "realm duress" (friends will never declare war on you). We are going to take a risk and give our brother county of Smoleńsk.

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    Kaiser is really getting his shit together. He acually starts to look scary.

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    Trolololo...

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    And we got 'suspicious' trait because we were spying on our wife. It actually can save our asses becuase this trait makes us better at intrigue so we can control more land. Now we run at 80% efficency instead of 50% and controlling too much land makes loosing "realm duress" harder.

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    Wańko, this is most uneventful civil war ever, let's do something for God's sake, I'm bored.

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    Like what?

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    Let's attack Cumans... because Cumans killed my father.

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    As you wish sire, I shall send word to your marshall.

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    ... What? he's Cuman so it counts!

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    What's with our marshalls getting wounded all the time?

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    Death by old age my ass!

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    Cumans... killed my marshall.

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    And we conquered Moskva!

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    We don't have anyone we could give it to and we lost our marshall but whatever. We will give it to our daughter when she grow up or something.

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    Prince of Pereyeslavl got horribly murdered (he also had realm duress) and we are no longer allies so Hungary asked us for alliance. We accept because Hungary is traditional Brotato of all things Polish.

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    Ok, our wife is ill (-5 fertility) and we have only daughters. We have to kill her.

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    Die you cunt!

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    CUMANS DID THIS!

    But nobody believes us and we are now "kinslayer".

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    We decided to marry Agathe von Bonngau because she's young and lustful (but she doesn't like us much so we have to shag her quick).

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    Aw yisss.

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    What the fuck, we have realm duress for pete's sake!

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    Game is trolling us.

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    And we converted Moskva to catholicism!

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    We have a son!

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    Ok, finally something is happening.

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    He shall pay!

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    Count of Danzig decided that he want to be independent. Well, he won't be.

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    We had to re-vessalize him and now he's at 100 loyalty (and still rising). Oh, cruelty of civil war.
     
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  2. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,796
    Location:
    A Dark Place
    Best Potato FTW :lol:
     
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  3. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 22 Imram Who's Father Was Killed By Cumans - Imram puts an end to civil war.

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    Another one!

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    And this time it's duke of Courland.

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    Let's teach him a lesson in humility!

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    Goddamit, our steward decided to leave. Well, that's really bad since her replacment have stewardship of 9 (she had 16).

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    And our nobility watched Braveheart to many times and demand right that never existed.

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    -FUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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    We vassalised duke of courland.

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    And now we are his son, Paweł, who is 1 year old and can control only 2 counties by himself. We have 0 efficency and we are forced to give shitton of land to people until we grow up.

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    This is as good as it going to be. We don't have any male courtiers and I don't want to make my current vasalls any more powerful (they all have 2 counties each) and I even gave Moskva to my sister (As Imram wanted). Well, at least we don't have realm duress anymore ohohohoho.

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    Because we don't have a marshall (last one left our court during battle with count of Danzig) some random dude joined us. I decided to make him a count of yatviagi instead of making him marshall because we have terrible efficency.

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    Go me!

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    We tried to convert Kiev by force but it didn't worked this time.

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    Another dude joined our court and we gave him Podlasie. We will have to get all this shit back when we grow up.

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    Sure, we could use some allies.

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    Another "u no have marshall?" event. This time I actually wanted to make new guy a marshall but then I noticed he have martial skill of 1.

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    We made him count of Sudovia.

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    Ohh, our Little Princess of Moskva, is building Templar House, zelous little thing.

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    And we have our first medium castle. It will be also last for a while (remember when we had 130 gold income? yeah, good times).

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    Ok Kiev, this time you better convert!

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    Yes! I actually don't know if it's worth to "force convert" Orthodox counties, but Best Poland was not build on tolerance, it was build on potato.

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    Our rebelious vasall declared independence. That's actually good because I was tired of this dipshit so I can get rid of him now.

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    I checked and half of our vasalls are "rebellious" it's basically game's way to say "it's time to implode now". Only thing we can do now is to wait till we grow up, revoke as many titles as we can, and tell rest of our vasalls to go away.
     
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  4. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 23 Paweł Piast - Joys of medieval childhood.

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    We have -3 stability and rebellious vasalls everywhere. But we don't have realm duress yet so not all is lost!

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    Another revolt, fortunately it's just a Polotsk

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    God wills peace among christians. Deus vult!

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    Ok, enough peace, fuck 'em up!

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    And then enemy "spies" destroyed our regiment in Polotsk.

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    And we had to siege it again and then force this idiot to becom our vassal again. I don't on what right he declared war on us (he had no claims, 100 loyalty and wasn't rebellious) but everything is fine now. Oh and now Paweł is "stressed".

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    Yeah, we had heretic vasall but I hoped he will behave, but no.

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    That's our goddamn uncle!

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    Sillly uncle.

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    Oh, thanks.

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    Galindia is taken but we are getting our asses kicked at Orsha.

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    Well, we still have "3000 polish".

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    WTF uncle, what's your problem? I decided to let him be count of Smoleńsk and DID NOT tell him to abandon his claims on our kingdom becaus I want prestige, LOTS of it and this dodgy peace deal should give us some.

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    Yes it did, so all is well.

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    Goddamit uncle!

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    First let's kick out some jews and then calm our uncle down.

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    Maybe he want's us to gain shitton of prestige? maybe that's his way of saying "I care about you nepew"?

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    Now we are prestigues as fuck thanks to domestic violence.

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    Years have passed and Paweł can marry. He is 'charismatic negotiator' which is not my favourite education but it's better than nothing (or martial one). In next episode we shall start revoking titles, not many though because our intrigue is less than good.
     
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  5. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 24 Paweł Piast - Being king is no fun at all.

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    We married Małgorzata Arpady who is polish for some reason (She has hungarian last name). She's decent and not related to us at all this time.

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    Paweł don't have any sons yet so we have to change our law to salic primogeniture (otherwise known as "wimmyns ain't getting shit") right now son of our sister is our heir (and he is not of our dynasty).

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    And all is well now, Piskla is our heir (He is from "Herman" line of Piasts so he can inherit in my house rules).

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    Silly sister, thought that shitting out kid will make her more important than me!

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    Crusade finally ended and Constantinople is in hands of Hungary.

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    Well, that was quick. Too bad we can't divorce her, I just hope that rivalry don't screw up heir popping.

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    Our sister (also known as Sweet Little Princess of Moscow) become rebellious. She's depressed though so I hope she will hang herself soon.

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    My liege, you can start demanding land I gave to your vassals as your regent.

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    Why take something from catholics while we can liberate land from heretics Wańko? Bishopric of Mstislavl for example, it should be ours.

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    Your wisdom is legendary my lord.

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    Now even our Archbishop is rebellious. I decided not to do anything about it because if we Lithuania is to go down the toilet I want "spolooosh" to be heard in Ireland.

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    We forced bishop of Mstislavl to give us all his land and money and then signed peace with Pereyeslavl.

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    Et voile! now everybody is happy!

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    Capturing Mstislavl allowed us to create duchy of Smoleńsk. We granted this title to our uncle because all the prestige kicking him gave us.

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    We captured this placed only few months ago and just take a look how prosperous it is now. God is on our side!

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    We have a chance to raise our realm stability and since it will cost us only 100 prestige I will take it.

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    Astrologers proclaim the Month of the Peasant.

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    Dear Brother,

    Since I was made countess of Moskva I was fascinated by pagan tribe of Cumans living south of me in Bryańsk. Please kill them.

    Your sister Elzbieta.


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    We forced Evil Cuman Trive of Bryansk to give us their land.

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    Then we created duchy of Muscovy and granted it to our sister making her Sweet Little Duchess of Moscow.

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    And now we look like cancer of eastern europe.

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    Our wife is pregnant!

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    Aww shit, it's a daughter.

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    It's not your fault Paweł!

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    You see? everything is fine now, don't you hang yourself you twat!

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    Noo!

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    We payed this miracle-worker to heal us but it didn't worked.

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    Ok, this time it worked. We are no longer ill but still depressed.

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    Sir, maybe war would cheer you up? we could attack Preyeslavl.

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    I don't know Wańko. I... I mean, we could try...

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    ... I just noticed that one of our vasalls owns part of Iceland.

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    Are you happier now, my liege?

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    No... not really.
     
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  6. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 25 Paweł Piast - Dark and brooding forests of Lithuania breeds very hardy men (or very depressed).

    Show Spoiler




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    "From childhood's hour I have not been
    As others were; I have not seen
    As others saw; I could not bring
    My passions from a common spring.
    From the same source I have not taken
    My sorrow; I could not awaken
    My heart to joy at the same tone;
    And all I loved, I loved alone."

    Oh, Wańko it's you, please come in.


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    Sire, people of Lithuania are worried about you, they even oranized some pogroms to cheer you up.

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    That's very nice of them Wańko, give some alms to the poor. Now, please leave me.

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    As you wish sire.

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    And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
    That I scarce was sure I heard you'- here I opened wide the door;-
    Darkness there, and nothing more.


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    Oh shit, uncle's at large again!

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    Crap, didn't worked.

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    And didn't worked again, what the fuck did he catched?

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    But we calmed uncle down.

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    Sire, council of nobles is also worried and asks about your health. What should I tell them?

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    Ah! what is not a dream by day
    To him whose eyes are cast
    On things around him with a ray
    Turned back upon the past?


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    ... ok.

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    At least in Iceland everything seems to be fine. I actually consider taking it from my vasall when mongols arrive.

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    Ok, we managed to heal this bugger this time. Dude is seriously sickly.

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    "Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
    Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'"

    What the fuck Am I doing with my life?


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    Wańko, let's show our people that I'm still capable ruler, we are going to war!

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    We are going to show how capable we are by beating the crap out of a Count.

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    Now Lithuania starts to look like political entity created by humans and not like something that was dropped on eastern europe from very high altitude.

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    Goddamit.

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    Situation with uncle is resolved but we have bigger problem now. Our wife is our rival and she's stirring shit up in our court. She's spreading rumors about us and lower our relations with council. We need to kill the biatch.

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    We are kinslayer again (pretty much family tradition by now) but bitch was asking for it.

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    We married some french chick and took huge money for it (If we had higher intrigue we could make money killing our wifes and taking duty for marriage since we are kinslayer anyway).

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    Ok, we again had "heretic refuses to pay homage" event and I was sure it's fucking uncle again so I didn't even bothered to take screenshot. But guess what, it's our archbishop this time (yup, he's heretic).

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    I confiscated all his land and titles (Sambia, Memel and duchy of Samogitia) taking huge reputation hit but this "heretic revolts" event was fun first 50 times it happend, I'm quite tired of it now. Then we granted Sambia and duchy of Samogitia to some Bolko guy. But we are keeping Memel because Teutonic Order is already formed so it should be fine (They actually have "king" level title now but still are knightly order).

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    What sorcery is this?! Why Bishop of Mstislavl is suddenly vasall of fucking Denmark?

    Ok, I checked history and Denmark got their own peace deal from our uncle (they are our allies) took his titles and vassalised Mstislavl. Well, nothing we can do about it.

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    It's our vasall!

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    Evil Duke of Chernigov!

    Well, his assasins screwed up and we are alive.

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    I decided to give up claim on Skane to improve our reputation (but I don't think it worked).

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    Our wife died and this time it's natural death.

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    Time for more marriage aid duty! (we should start naming castles after our dead wifes because we are buliding them thanks to marriage aid money)

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    Pope calls to liberate Antiochea. And Evil Duke of Chernigov is "rebellious" now and I don't feel like sending him gifts so we will have to be prepared for revolt.
     
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  7. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    5,796
    Location:
    A Dark Place
    Just take over the rest of Iceland already :D
     
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  8. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    I would rather go on a proper crusade this time. And running away to Iceland would let us escape mongols but not assasins of The Evil Duke of Chernigov.

    Oh, and w can't revoke Iceland anyway, our reputation is seriously bad (-3.0 loyalty with vasalls even after we granted some titles and abandoned few claims) and being kinslayer is not helping either.
     
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  9. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,053
    Location:
    Poland
    Update 26 Paweł Piast - Crusade (this time for real).

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    I was really thinking about joining crusade to Antiocheia but as you can see by yellow borders around Crusader Flag we are already part of crusade for some reason.

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    Antiocheia is here, it's part of some beydom and is vasall of Seljuk Turks. Well, Seljuks stopped being scary long time ago so why not join a crusade? what could possibly go wrong?

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    We mobilized our vasalls forces (they will pay for troops... I will pay for ships) with exception of The Evil Duke of Chernigov because he will rebell any moment now.

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    Now we declare war on Antiocheia.

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    We will send "Kapfgruppe Mieszko" to Antiocheia by land. Turks will NEVER expect us to go there on foot so they won't even know what hit them... and we wont have to pay for transport that way.

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    Genius!

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    We give "Kampfgruppe Mieszko" pat on a shoulder and wish them luck on their journey.

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    Kampfgruppe Mieszko reached Antiocheia and engaged worst turks!

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    And then it's leader, Mieszko, died during skirmish phase.

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    But Przecław managed to rally our men!

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    And worst turks were defeated!

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    Antiocheia is taken and we granted it to Przecław because he saved us from complete failure. But crusade is not over yet (and probably won't be for som times) we have to defend what is now ours.

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    ... or not.

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    Well, that was fun!

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    The Evil Duke of Chernigov rebelled! at least he was decent enough to wait for crusade to end.

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    We re-vassalised him so he will probably rebell again but we can't afford to confiscate his land so we will have to live with it.

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    Now it's uncle's turn. I won't inform you on any further rebellions because I think we will have lots of them since we hav few 'rebellious' vassals.

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    Oh and then Chernigov declared war and we have realm duress and EVERY vasall is rebellious. Right now I'm trying to put those rebellions down but I think it's pointless because they just keep rebelling.

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    Nobody panic I got this shit!

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    Wheew it's over for now. Chernigov, Polotsk, Podlasie and Vitebsk rebelled but we put them back in line. We lost 5 (I'm serious) marshalls during this revolt though, my vasalls are badass at martial skills so they were raping my armies even when outnumbered. Fortunately we have ridiculous amount of soldiers so we could afford to get raped here and there. Oh, and it' hillarious when random count rebells, proposes to yield his claims and pay tribute to go free but then, when he manage to capture one of your counties he start demanding all your money as a tribute. But it's over now, they will soon start revolting again but I think we have few months of peace now.

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    Oh, that's unexpected.

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    We accepted and now random polish woman in Finland is our vassal.

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    Cuman khanate is imploding and my vassals are expanding in completely random directions. I can't stop them... I just hope that count of Jaćwież will not revolt (he owns part of Iceland).

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    Fuck, our steward robbed us. And he robbed us from money which we didn't have and put us at -2000 gold.

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    We extorted money from jews and then sold our daughter to get out of debt.

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    Lithuania prospers again. We just had to show some strenght of will and even our vasalls calmed down. Now its time to take Mstislavl back!

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    At first I decided to leave it alone for some time because Danes are our allies and king of Denmark is our friend...

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    But then I realised that we are not declaring war on Denmark but on Mstislavl and what Danes will do about it is their business. We didn't start the fire...

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    We vassalised bishop of Mstislavl and now we have to force Danes to sign peace with us by killing armies they are sending at us (I don't feel like hauling my ass to Denmark).

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    I offered him white peace but he declined insisting to pay us 3309 gold of tribute.

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    He is a true friend.
     
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  10. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Update 27 Paweł Piast - Splooosh?

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Our heir, Piskla matured and we need to give him some land.

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    Another random Pole wants to be our vassl. We refused, he's waaay to far away from us.

    [​IMG]

    We shall take Pskov from Cumans and give it to my beloved son.

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    We conquered Pskov and Duke of Chernigov declared independence (he gon get raped).

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    Oh for fucks sake...

    [​IMG]

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    But I'm soo not into it...

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    Run! save yourself, we are all doomed anyway!

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    We had some more revolts and then Poland declared war.

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    We managed to put down small rebellion and now we have depressed king and 25 thousands poles sieging Kujawy.

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    King of Poland finished sieging Kujawy and is marching at Płock. Our plan is to defeat him there, take Kujawy back and then fight on his territory. Unfortunately Paweł is leading our army so we have high chanc of getting horribly raped at Płock.

    [​IMG]

    They lost a lot of men to attrition and decided to fall back.

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    They fall back to Kujawy and now we are about to fight 21 thousand men led by guy with martial skill of 16. Our king is leading our forces and he have 2 martial and our dudes started commiting suicides before battle even started.

    [​IMG]

    We got horribly raped.

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    Rape continues and there are revolts everywhere (rebelling vassals, revolting counties).

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    And then Paweł got captured in battle and killed.

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    Awww shieeeet...

    [​IMG]

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    At least we no longer have realm duress...

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    And then I thought "it's time to make a screenshot and explain what is going on" but to be honest, I have no idea.

    [​IMG]

    Well, no shit?

    [​IMG]

    That's only reason why I keep fighting. What I'm trying to do right now is to beat the crap out of polish king and then sign white peace with rebells, letting them go... and be raped by mongols. But I want my shit to be intact so I need to beat polish king.

    [​IMG]

    That's how I see the game now.

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    I'm going to decline, I wan't him to give up his claims.

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    Ok, we forced polish king to sit the fuck down. Now we have to check which vassal we want to keep and which can go.

    [​IMG]

    This don't look as bad as I thought it is.

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    I granted some titles I confiscated during this civil war and we are now in ok-ish state. Most of our counties are either revolting or have plague so our income will be shit for a while. Funny thing is, Evil Duke of Chernigov did not rebelled and decided to stay loyal.

    [​IMG]

    And then I tried to diplo-vassalize guys who declared independence from us during civil war and only Danzig, Polotsk and Chełmiński refused. BEST POTATO CANNOT BE BEATEN!

    And now we have to finish this update because Piskla is adult and I couldn't end it earlier because I had to clean up this horrible mess.
     
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  11. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Update 28 Piskla the Restorer - At least we don't have realm duress RIGHT?!

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Piskla achieved two amazing feats. First of all, he saved best potato from falling apart. Bu he also inherited as only "polish" heir of Paweł. All his brothers and sister are either hungarian or italian and his family looks like some social experiment. We lost half of our soldiers during this war and king of poland is to blame.

    [​IMG]

    Now even Polotsk agreed to be our vassal again. Piskla is true restorer, thanks to him we once again control our core polish provinces - Iceland and Antiocheia.

    [​IMG]

    Well, Iceland don't have polish culture (and won't have because Lithuania don't have trade route with Iceland) but no one will argue that it's core province of Best Poland.

    [​IMG]

    Damn, our daughter died.

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    ... Then we granted Kiev to our sister and she immidiately revolted. But she will calm down soon so if anyone asks it didn't happened PISKLA IS RESTORER GODDAMIT!

    [​IMG]

    Shit.

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    Everything is fine now. Lithuania entered new era of peace and prosperity under wise rule of Piskla the Restorer who soon shall be called 'The Great'.

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    We even have two sons now (both of them polish) so sucession is safe as never before.

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    Piskla's dimplatic genius brought Prussia back under fair rule of Best Poland.

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    Danish king is proud of a son of his best friend and will happily become allies of Only True Potato again.

    [​IMG]

    Where the fuck have you been when Poland attacked us?

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    Well, this clearly mean that soon we'll be rich.

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    Oh... bummer.

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    Question is, can others see this new friend?

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    Yes, they can. It's king of Denmark.

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    I shall leave at once to find the Holy Grail!

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    God help us...

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    Great moment to be looking for holy grail.

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    But mongols are just chilling for now.

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    And we only have only four courtiers becuase everyone else decided to leave.

    [​IMG]

    Vasall broke free, fortunately it's Kexholm so I don't really care.

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    And now our sister tries to be independent. And I'm not okay with that because she owns Kiev and I wan't it back.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

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    Now we must capture Turov and then attack Kiev.

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    Men! Capture it quick I have a feeling that Holy Grail is here...

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    Curses! It's not here. Men, we must march at Kiev, that bitch is hiding it!

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    [​IMG]

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    It's only a flesh wound!

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    Unfortunately miracle worker failed to heal us (I don't think that even divine intervention could help this guy).

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Gosh, it's not here either... I'm confused!
     
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  12. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Update 29 Piskla the Restorer - Piskla is trippin' balls.

    Show Spoiler




    [​IMG]

    Well, Lithuania is in pretty simillar situtation like during Imram's regency, but the difference is this time we can't just wait it out this time. Piskla can live to his seventies and his schizophrenia won't just go away. Our income may look fine but that's because we our taxing the shit out of our vasalls. Without scutage we will earn only 18 gold per month and that's not enough for... anything basically. But there is nothing we can do now so let's just keep playing.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    W managed to heal Piskla's ilness. We could let it turn into consumption and make this fucker die sooner but our heir is too young.

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    Actually, no. He's better than his father already, but what's done is done.

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    And now my vasalls want elective monarchy. This can screw up my house rules of sucession so I'm not going to accept it even if it leads to another civil war.

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    Well I kinda don't believe it since they wanted to fucking change my laws five minutes ago.

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    I don't want any more vassals. You can get "realm duress" even when one province count revolts so no, thanks.

    [​IMG]

    Where the fuck are mongols?

    [​IMG]

    Cumans killed them. That was worst invasion ever.

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    Our not-Kiev-owning-sister declared independence. Well, she didn't straight up declared war on us starting realm duress so she can go in peace.

    [​IMG]

    And again our steward robbed us from money we didn't even had.

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    [​IMG]

    Fuck, Piskla strangled his heir (and duke of vitebsk but who gives a shit about duke of vitebsk). Piskla, jeezus chryst, calm down.

    [​IMG]

    Oh, and our brother is a Leper. Our family is cursed.

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    Apparently, strangling your own son is okay and we gained trait 'just'.

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    Piskla instituted church supremacy and now clergy power won't give us any money or troops. But it also lowers our chances of being excommunicated (But seriously, sombody should call an exorcist).

    [​IMG]

    Noo... oh, it's this guy Piskla strangled so whatever, he can be bastard. He's dead anyway.

    [​IMG]

    New victims of Piskla - our chancellor and count of Jaćwież.

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    Count of Polotsk rebelled. I will beat the crap out of him and then let him go because I won't be able to keep vasalls loyal with Piskla running around killing people at random.

    [​IMG]

    Or we can take 1000 gold as a tribute from polotsk and then diplo-vassalise them. That will also work.

    [​IMG]

    ...Thanks God.

    [​IMG]

    Oh sweet child o' mine, please don't become fucking madman.

    Oh, And Piskla stays as a "Restorer" because he DID saved Lithuania and shortcomings of his personality are no ones business. He died as a national hero. Too bad he didn't farmed more piety, he could become saint patron of stranglers or something.
     
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  13. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Arright, it's bumping time.
     
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  14. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Did you ever wonder what goes bump in the night?

    Show Spoiler
    : x
     
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  15. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Here' have another one.
     
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  16. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Just lending a helping hand...
     
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  17. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    The more, the merrier!
     
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  18. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
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    Le bump.
     
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  19. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Humpty bumpty...
     
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  20. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
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    Have another one!
     
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  21. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    I think that our Kwisatz Haderach breeding program is not really working that well and after looking at other rulers I can't blame it on DVIP balancing events. Pretty much all kings have all skills around 15, sometimes with one skill reaching 20. We were lucky when our Duke/King had any skill above 10. That's probably because culture of our wifes was more important to me than their skills, but at least it made almost all of Lithuania polish now (with some russian provinces in eastern part, no other cultures are left). Oh, and I hope that mongols will be back because seriously, they arrived, declared war on everyone around them and then got annihilated by Cumans who don't even have half as much soldiers as we do (even with Piskla as a king).
     
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  22. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
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    Get your shit together, then!
     
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  23. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
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    Also, a bump.
     
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  24. Storyfag Arcane

    Storyfag
    Joined:
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    T-3
     
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  25. Ivar the Boner Arcane

    Ivar the Boner
    Joined:
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    It can't be because we had few kids with chicks of our dynasty. We were not that closely related to them and it was trend that started late (and our rulers sucked from very beginning).
     
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