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Inactive Let's Play Europa Universalis III: Jerusalem Sancta

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Cassidy, Aug 18, 2012.

?

WHICH IS BETTER AND WHY?

  1. Tripoli (MMU)

    5 vote(s)
    11.1%
  2. Jerusalem (fun2EU)

    13 vote(s)
    28.9%
  3. Ikko-Ikki (fun2EU)

    4 vote(s)
    8.9%
  4. Norway (MMU)

    5 vote(s)
    11.1%
  5. Pskov (MMU)

    3 vote(s)
    6.7%
  6. Copt Egypt (fun2EU)

    9 vote(s)
    20.0%
  7. Navarra (fun2EU)

    3 vote(s)
    6.7%
  8. Riga (MMU)

    3 vote(s)
    6.7%
  1. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
     
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  2. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  3. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
     
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  4. TripJack Prestigious Gentleman Hedonist

    TripJack
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    jesus is most displeased with cassidys sloth
     
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  5. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
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    You're not Humanity Has Risen, Tripjack.

    ======================================

    [​IMG]

    Era Coloniae

    Wheel of Time

    [​IMG]

    After the depletion of the gold mines of Sus, for Jerusalem most of Morocco has become a ppoor shithole filled with heathens living in hovels and ready to rise again and again, for because of how fast they breed like berber farm animals, they'll obviously never run out of rebels. The only exception was the Canaries, with their rich sugar cane and a population small enough to be easily put under control. In fact, the rest of such towelhead hovel was so worthless the Emperor, in a gesture of kindness, donated all of it to Guyenne. They only need the Canary Islands as a base towards the future colonization of the New World, probably much richer than the North African holes.

    There was one thing that the Imperium of Jerusalem needed to seek such ambitions immediately.

    [​IMG]

    In 1546, the first step was taken. After years of neglect it was clear that the shipwrighting industry of the Empire was not up to the task of developing vessels sturdy enough to cross the vastness of the Atlantic and reach the New World. Therefore a policy of excellency in such field shall be sought regardless of the currently greater land focus. A new age is beginning for the Empire of Jerusalem.

    [​IMG]

    By the mid of the 16th century, Jerusalem took the first steps to become a colonial Empire, but more was needed, a new way of life, a new direction and the conditions for expeditions to map the vast unknown expanses of the world for the cause of the one holy empire.

    [​IMG]

    The heretical Roman Empire, the Frenchs of Guyenne, Jerusalem, the heathens of Iberia, the rising British Empire and probably others were leaving their ownregions as secondary concerns and pursuing wealth and power over the New World. It won't be easy for Jerusalem to take a slice of these new lands while retaining their supremacy over the Levant.

    [​IMG]

    The beginning of the long colonial dream also was marked by growing prosperity over the kingdom, in spite of them being somewhat backwards, something very dangerous, particularly due to certain heretical neighbors more than willing to challenge their supremacy.

    [​IMG]

    The new world is where the future lies, not the old world, not those lifeless deserts save for towelheads and snakes. It's just not worth to fight for such a worthless goal against the Khanate.

    [​IMG]

    When some libruls and most likely 5th column of the heathens, heretics and equal scum requested for the institution of a Senate in the Imperium, the Emprah said nothing, instead he gestured for Commissar Draco to come, and the commissar gladly pointed his new musket at the LIBERAL HORRIBLE CREATURES and then, of course:

    HERESY! *BLAM*

    Despite technologically backwards compared to her neighbors, Jerusalem was still evolving, and as the mid of the century approaches, a major development would lead to the retirement of the classical knights crusaders, even though their heroic deeds of course will never be forgotten, and introduce a new kind of mounted crusader:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    The Crusader Hussars of Jerusalem. Originated from Serbians who fought against the heretical and decadent Eastern Roman Empire and from a lot of Polish crusaders who saw in Jerusalem hopes of a better life after their clay was taken by the Orthodox Lithuanian Hitmen, their lances shall pierce through heathen, heretic and traitor alike and their charges will lead Jerusalem to victory!

    : x

    [​IMG]

    The Emperor wisely stated that Jerusalem needed a long age of peace to prosper internally, something many agreed with for there have been more than enough wars in the previous century, during this peace of the mid 16th century, slowly the last territories conquered were finally being integrated, and Jerusalem grew stronger. With Karbala eventually secure in their hands, it was time to extend the best day of every Serbian life from Iraq to Karbala.

    [​IMG]

    And thus, once again the unique culture of the Crusaders was given another chance of becoming able to survive in the coming centuries, and once again the durka durka savage culture is righteously removed from the premises like a stick of kebab.

    [​IMG]

    Unum Imperium, Unum Populum, Unum Imperator!

    Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Führer!

    DEUS VULT!

    GOTT WILL ES!

    [​IMG]

    In 1552, the "Caesar" of Jerusalem, the glorious founder of the Imperium and obviously first emprah, finally died of old age. Long live John III, one of the greatest administrators and generals to ever step upon the Holy Land! May he carry on the glory of the Hohenzollern dynasty as the rulers of two Empires with infinite wisdom and grace.

    [​IMG]

    In February 1554, in the hopes of securing lasting peace, finally, after much failed diplomacy, a royal marriage with the Eastern Roman Empire was secured, which will hopefully ensure Jerusalem won't have to divert their focus from the colonization program to teach these heretics another lesson.

    [​IMG]

    The last thing Jerusalem needs to improve their scientific progress is for every wise man to be accused of HERESY!

    [​IMG]

    Because of how stability is fleeting, to facilitate the improvement of the same measures were passed to reduce the burden of ruling over such a vast empire. The mid 16th Century was for Jerusalem a time of peace and progress, and the second Emperor never faced more than the same old hordes of traitors, heretics and heathens butthurt about Jerusalem ruling over their lands and rebelling.

    [​IMG]

    Long live Emperor Amalric IV! He is better for what he is.

    After over a decade of efforts and gathering of brave pioneers, there was but one step left, and as soon as their ruling became more sophisticated again, it would be done.

    [​IMG]

    In 1557, Jerusalem, after their land forces achieved glory after glory, now realized their future was over the seas as well, and thus gradually there would be a move towards a balanced treatment of both army and navy, with neither side being favored, as in this new colonial age, both will be equally important.

    [​IMG]

    One year later, Jerusalem would once again reaffirm their stance that best offense is defense, specially for a technologically backwards military. Let them come, if they dare to defy Jerusalem.

    During the same year, the decline of Eastern Rome was formalized:

    [​IMG]

    For is there a greater sign of decline than to lose a war against Georgians?

    Some lewd rumors claim an individual known as Glyphwright masturbated seven times nonstop upon hearing the news of the victory of Georgia against the Roman Empire, then cried because he would rather have a wife than his hand.

    [​IMG]

    However, all the diplomacy done to prevent Rome from seeking war against Jerusalem has been proved not only futile in face of the Georgian victories, but also bad for Jerusalem who decided to sacrifice prestige over fighting in this pointless conflict. And by doing such, certainly gained the hostility of Rome again. Yet the truth is that due to Rome's superior technology diplomacy is by and far the best way to ensure the prosperity of the Imperium.

    [​IMG]

    Protestant missionaries begin to spread their view of Christianity to the depths of once heathen lands. Hopefully they will be successful, although the Reformation has become nothing, grinded into dust, and at this moment there is no region of the world with a protestant majority, or any country that embraced the reformation in any significant manner. Nevertheless, despite nominally Catholic, Jerusalem has printed the first German and Arabic versions of the Bible in this century, regardless of the Church's views on such an act.

    [​IMG]

    Amalric IV however never was a man of much social talent. Despite quite good administratively and a good leader of soldiers, he has again and again proven himself awkward, oblivious at times to social etiquette and even apparently unable to gather the basics of human interaction. He was obsessed with military strategy to a point he wanted to define every minutiae of the Jerusalemite armies himself, and had some eccentric habits as well. Were he born a few centuries in the future, he would be called aspergers and shitpost in Internet forums, but right now he is the EMPRAH, even if his faults can temporarily hurt Jerusalem, they shouldn't cut down on the status of the Empire.

    And most importantly, soon the preparations to support explorers of the seas and land to map the world would be finished.

    The Colonial Age is at its dawn.
     
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  6. TripJack Prestigious Gentleman Hedonist

    TripJack
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    :salute:

    i thank jesus every day for this
     
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  7. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  8. marooned Liturgist

    marooned
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    A good read as always, Brother Cassidy.

    Can't wait to see the colonization goodness.
     
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  9. eklektyk Erudite

    eklektyk
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    mexico of europe
    and badabumpin
     
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  10. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
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    [​IMG]

    Hussariam hastarum frangent Aegyptus et Parthia: Traditores delenda est.

    A song about a certain Lithuanian

    [​IMG]

    Beheading people for promoting progress is more of a heathen pasttime. Of course the emperor puts wisdom above such brutality only arab farm animals feel at ease with.

    [​IMG]

    Then, in 1564 the miaphysite heretics have shown they never learn. They will be crushed and this time they will pay a much higher price than before for such arrogance! How can they dare to be so devoid of honor, so devoid of everything that separates a man from a farm animal and subhuman sandnigger, to backstab the Empire that allowed them to survive in the first place?

    [​IMG]

    And as if the ungrateful scum of Egypt wasn't enough, inside traitors also made their move, and for the sake of ensuring continued stability, the Emperor had no choice, being called on the matter just as he led the crusaders against the heretics and deeply disappointed by such decadent nobility showing off again how devoid of honor they are.

    [​IMG]

    Let them come with their firearms, let them come with cannons. Let them come with anything, but they cannot win because no matter how many new guns they got, they don't have God, and they don't have Hussars being a bunch of towelheads obviously undeserving of such glory. And thus once again they shall see the consequences of their arrogance, this time even greater than before.

    [​IMG]

    DEUS VULT!

    [​IMG]

    Their armies were again annihilated, their land taken, their defeat total. This time Jerusalem could get away with a heavier punishment against these heretics.

    [​IMG]

    By the end of August of 1566, every inch of Egypt was seized by the Imperium, it was time now to make demands that would teach them a real lesson. Obviously the forced conversion didn't work and they are still HERESY! by and large.

    [​IMG]

    Thus they were forced to cede Delta and Asyut, not because they were particularly valuable, but mostly to show them what happens to those who dare to defy an Empire under God.

    [​IMG]

    Shortly after the situation at the borders grow tense, but unfortunately the infamy acquired from the recent war and the truce make any attempt to seize an opportunity of using such tensions to crush even more Egypt pointless. For the rest of 1567 there was peace and prosperity.

    [​IMG]

    Then in 1568, the once again restablished Timurid Khanate thought it could defy Jerusalem and after decades of worsening relations the inevitable has begun. Two vast land empires, once allies but now foes, because cleary there can be only one Empire over the Middle East. With this, the Emperor, personally leading the crusaders, knew what had to be done. They made the greatest mistake of their Khanate's history and they will soon see why.

    [​IMG]

    Amalric spoke of how the sandniggers should be genocided publicly, and this didn't help at all with the reputation of the Empire. No matter, the Timurids will have their deserved fate soon.

    [​IMG]

    A radical change happened to the crusaders. Finally muskets were introduced to Jerusalem and all would soon be given the new firearms. These new musketman formations would have an important role in supporting the Hussars of the Empire, which were marching to meet the Timurid hordes, now besieging Iraq and many other border provinces of the Imperium.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    The Emprah personally led the charge of the Hussars ahead of all other forces, for despite knowing their cavalry would be outnumbered, they didn't flinch, and fought valiantly, disrupting the heathens for the Musketeers to finish the job later. The enemy cavarly vastly outnumbered the Hussars and yet took devastating losses upon battle, because the age of Mongols is gone, and they apparently didn't get it that their primitive existence is not conductive to progress and evolution necessary to become a true Empire.

    timurids we kill the khan. timurids return to your precious mongolia.

    [​IMG]

    After the devastating victory at Iraq, the Hussars and musketeers crushed the near entirety of the Hordes like skulls of goats. Victory now is only a matter of time for the sieges to be concluded.

    DEUS VULT!

    [​IMG]

    There are some very wealthy lands over Persia, and now that their arrogance brought them to this, certainly these lands will be better off as part of the glorious Imperium.

    [​IMG]

    The Musketeers of Jerusalem have no fear, assaulting the heathen forts with courage and strength, no matter how many fall, there are always more ready to continue fighting the good fight.

    [​IMG]

    One target in particular was greatly sought: the trading city of Fars would give much prosperity to the Empire. But the heathens would need to suffer a crushing defeat before they were to accept giving up something as valuable as a center of trade. The war carried on, heathen fort after fort falling to Jerusalem, until something not related to this war would become the final step towards the new age:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    A new national ideal in the search for the New World, for even while Jerusalem emerged triumphant in war, the exploration of the Atlantic would begin now. New institutions were being established for the goal of training men for the daunting and long task of exploring the entire world and uncovering all its riches. Expeditions would soon begin and the Conquistatori and Explorers shall chart through seas and land in the name of the Imperium.

    [​IMG]

    Another horde tried, but now it was too late for them, they have already lost.

    [​IMG]

    DEUS VULT!

    [​IMG]

    In 1572, with the fall of Hormuz, the Empire finally have conquered enough fo the heathen lands to achieve their objectives.

    [​IMG]

    And thus the Imperium has gained far more valuable land than the shitholes they donated to Guyenne, and most importantly, secured a center of trade for themselves. Now, with peace again, the time was ripe to focus all attentions of the Empire towards the coming expedition to the New World. What wonders await the Imperium, how much of it is already colonized by others and how large could this New World be? Soon these question will be answered as the Ordo Conquistator is concluding the training of its first members, and in a few months, the expedition towards the uncharted waters of the Atlantic Ocean and beyond shall begin.
     
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  11. Gondolin Arcane

    Gondolin
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    Excellent victory!

    But I must ask: why do you want to colonize America instead of conquering India and the Far East?
     
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  12. Kashmir Slippers Augur

    Kashmir Slippers
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    I find it funny how all of the Timurid's generals had stupidly high shock values and little else. AI's gonna AI.

    Good show in spite of that!
     
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  13. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
    The Spice most flow!/From the west
     
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  14. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
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    So does this mod come with a historical map or is it alt history only? Looks kinda fun.
     
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  15. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
    There is an historical map also. Haven't tried it out yet but the all the events should be available.
     
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  16. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
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    What is stopping Jerusalem from doing both?

    I dedicate this update to The Brazilian Slaughter. I already spoiled to him why.

    ===============

    [​IMG]

    Expeditiones: Conquirator ex Jerusalem

    [​IMG]

    To further weaken the hordes, arab patriots were funded to seize Basra, deemed worthless by Jerusalem because of its ppoor stink nature and lots of hovels meaning it will probably not even pay off the increased stability and research costs were it to be conquered.

    [​IMG]

    In August 1573, two thousand brave men were called, led by the first graduate of the Ordo Conquirator, Fulk Melissinos to embark upon the greatest journey ever in the history of Jerusalem: a journey to the New World. What wonders and dangers await?

    [​IMG]

    Their transports would be protected by the small Classis Exploratoris, a flotilla led by the first great explorer of Jerusalem: the French navigator Hugues de Lhery, who proved himself during the first training courses towards this important task. Until land was found, the men of Ordo Conquirator would have many days waiting while in travel over the seas and through uncertainty.

    [​IMG]

    Near the Christmas of 1573, the first signs of a new land were found after a long jounrey over the Atlantic. Their mission was coming to a conclusion. The Conquirators were ordered to explore the shores and check whether or not this land was ripe for colonization. They would have one hell of a surprise.

    [​IMG]

    This is why this update is dedicated to The Brazilian Slaughter... or should I say The Georgian Slaughter?

    :M

    Looks like this part of the New World is at its initial stages of colonization by the most unlikely of the existing powers. Who could imagine that Georgia would reach this far. Thus the flotilla went south, hoping to find empty lands.

    [​IMG]

    Further down, they located unclaimed lands inhabited only by very primitive peoples. This couldn't be better, if only the Canaries were already a core province of Jerusalem to allow the immediate colonization of such lands. But because it will take two decades for that to happen, instead the Explorer decides it is time to uncover something closer, and thus they head back to Africa, undergoing repairs at the Canaries to then explore the west African coast southwards.

    [​IMG]

    They found a perfect territory for a try at colonization proper. Completely devoid of human life, Trarza would be the most likely project to succeed for Jerusalem, and even then, the odds were not that great.

    [​IMG]

    Nobody Expects the End of the Crusader Inquisition!

    In September of 1574, finally Jerusalem took the final step to look towards a future of progress and evolution, by wiping an instution that has long outlasted its utility to the Imperium. With every relevant province already having a majority of Christians and the matter of critical important speeding up advance is, the Inquisition became a burden, and finally, after much effort, it has been completely eradicated. Meanwhile, the exploration of Africa continued.

    [​IMG]

    By October, the Ordo Conquistator was suddenly surprised as they landed on the Grain Coast, when suddenly legions of wild "men" of black skin, drenched in blood, wielding spears and machetes, charged at them without any kind of provocation.

    History would record this as the first contact of the Empire with a particularly inferior kind of being somewhere between a man and an ape: the NIGGER. And the way such contact happened would pave centuries of future relationship between the two peoples, as clearly such wild niggers cannot deserve any place than slavery, and so it shall be, lest the Congoid buttsex apocalypse happens.

    [​IMG]

    Over 140:1 casualty ratio is what happens when the excellently trained Conquiratores of Jerusalem are put to a fight against a horde of wild niggers with spears and machetes outnumbering them at over 2:1.

    Over four thousand less niggers in the world.

    :incline:

    After Trarza was relatively safe, the rest of the nigger animals cowed hiding, the journey continued down south.

    [​IMG]

    Over there other niggers lied. Arguably more "civilized" than those who met their deserved fate at Grain Coast, but the signs of their savagery and animal nature were too obvious. What separated the "civilized" Mali from the rest was irrelevant in the eyes of Jerusalemite Explorers. Meanwhile, despite the low odds, the colony of Trarza was successfully establish, becoming thus the first colony of Jerusalem.

    The Empire continued to prosper during the later quarter of the century, but little they knew of how precarious their situation was no matter how powerful Jerusalem seemed.

    [​IMG]

    Because the old enemies have decided that they wanted Aleppo. Let them drown in their own blood, for regardless of superior technology, Jerusalem shall win!

    DEUS VULT!

    [​IMG]

    Over the Canary Islands came good news in face of the very difficult war ahead. Now there was no province left in the empire, other than those recently conquered from the Timurids, where the religion of "peace" was a majority. Aware of the major superiority of the heretical legions, Immediately after the declaration of war new units were being trained, in the hopes that superior numbers could overcome the technological gap between the two forces.

    [​IMG]

    Marching towards Beirut, this new army hoped to face the Romans together with the other army in a way that would crush them.

    [​IMG]

    It was in April 1576 that the first major decisive battle has begun, and this time Jeursalem would really need God's blessing. For no matter what, they shall give no inch of land to the heretic!

    DEUS VULT!
     
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  17. TripJack Prestigious Gentleman Hedonist

    TripJack
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    40,000 man doomstack?
    :excellent:
     
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  18. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
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    Time for a new page.

    By the way I got a save game in Mare Apertum (the MMP2 improvement done by copx) with a Sweden that managed to unite all Scandinavia, occupying all of Norway, Iceland and Denmark, while also seizing, thanks to an alliance with Muscovy, all Finno-Ugric provinces from Novgorod. Obviously all this map painting got them a huge infamy, so I released most of the conquests as puppets to be retaken once the circumstances(and the horrible administrative efficiency in particular) were to get better. Also, I edited the save to add cores for Finland over the all provinces of the Finno-Ugric culture group: Karelia proper minus Olonets(because it was already too full of Russians to be worth), all of Finland, Lappland and Estonia, and then of course released the Grand Duchy of Finland as a vassal to prevent Sweden from being dogpiled in badboy wars.

    Which of course means that once this LP is finished, Finland will be a new poll option in the next Let's Play.

    As for the 40k doomstack, trust me: the technological disadvantage of Jerusalem is so severe compared to the Roman Empire they actually are under the risk of losing the battle despite their numerical superiority. This is a ridiculously tough war, no matter how big Jerusalem currently is.
     
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  19. Gondolin Arcane

    Gondolin
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    Georgia colonized Southern America? :D

    And look at the stats on their king!
     
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  20. marooned Liturgist

    marooned
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    Georgia, seriously? What are the European powers doing?

    Good luck with Rome. Looks like your neighbors are prone to backstabbing issues.
     
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  21. exe Augur

    exe
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    Colonising Georgia, how surreal.
     
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  22. TripJack Prestigious Gentleman Hedonist

    TripJack
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    filthy mongoloids ruining america
     
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  23. Kashmir Slippers Augur

    Kashmir Slippers
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    That Georgia is too funny.

    Bump.
     
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  24. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
    Liberal will be pleased with this!
    Bump
     
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  25. jonnypolen Liturgist

    jonnypolen
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    I need moar! Bump!!!
     
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