Let's check out this colourful bunch.
A tiny robot, a robot with a monocle, a robot with a tophat, a rather nondescript robot and some kind of combat droid right in front of the door.
187th Legionbuilt, Surly Company, reporting!
Soundtrack - War Pigs
Uh, Horatio Nullbuilt, v5. A pleasure.
Horatio Nullbuilt, sir? (Never heard of any servicebot with THAT designation). Still, it's good to see another Urbanian, sir. After things got FUBARed back home, I figured Surly Company was all that was left.
ó_o
Urbanian? What are you talking about?
B'sod. Finally meet a friendly and he's as cracked as Primer. No offence, sir, just hoped... well, nevermind that. How can I assist you, sir?
Surly Company? Urbanian? What are you talking about?
Umm... well, sir, I'm not sure quite where to start. I had you figured as one of us, seeing as how you came up as a friendly on my IFF.
I could see you as a member of the *surly* company, boss, but as a *friendly*? Nah.
Zoomie's got some mouth on him, huh, sir? (Always do, those fly-boys).
FLY-BOY GITZ
Look, why don't you just give me a quick rundown?
Well sir, can't see the harm, even if you are a decoy. War's over, after all. Was over before Surly Company even deployed. See, we're Urbanian robots. Long time back, Urbani and Metropol got to fighting over something, who knows what. The Metropolitans fragged our civilians, and Legion told us to strike back. Word was, some big airship of ours was supposed to knock out Metropol's defences, and we'd just come in and mop up. But the Metros took our airship down with their own heavy hitter, some giant named Goliath.
Curiouser and curiouser. What's that, Horatio? Isn't Metropol tagged as 'HATE' in your programming?
I see.
Anyway, Surly Company was all that was left, so we deployed, 200 strong.
What happened then?
Well, it's a long march from Urbani, sir, and most of us, well, most of us broke down on the way. All said and done, the only ones who made it were me, 113th and a signal bot called Primer. The rest are all out there in the Dunes somewhere.
I'm sorry.
War's war, sir. If it didn't crash hard, they wouldn't have built us in the first place.
If it makes you feel any better, Horatio cut Goliath's finger off.
Well, sir, someone ought to stick a medal on your chest.
Why are you in line?
Seeing as how I'm on the outside now, sir, I figured I had to go pay restitution for shooting up the enemy HQ. Yes, sir, that big tower in the centre of the city.
The blast marks on the tower door are probably his, then.
Okay... so why haven't you paid? It sounds like all of this happened a long time ago.
Years ago, sir. But the courthouse has been locked down the whole time. I figure they'll open it up eventually, and then I can clear my name.
What if it doesn't open?
Well, sir, I know all about 'hurry up and wait'.
What happened to the 113th and Primer?
After we got to Metropol, we tried to put up a fight, but couldn't do much. They fried 113th, and my rifles jammed. Primer surrendered on our behalf. After dressing us down, they took all my big guns and sold 113th's shell to some scrap dealer. Primer was never the same. He encrypted parts of his own logic so he wouldn't have to think about losing the war any longer. Then he disappeared beneath the city. And me, I came here.
How did the war end?
For Surly Company, it ended when we staggered in here and surrendered. Beyond that, sir, it's all above my pay grade. Truth is, sir, we never really knew what we were fighting for, let alone what the Metropolitans wanted. So I can't say for certain that Metropol *won*. But I'm pretty sure Urbani lost, what with all the civilians being dead and the army being beaten.
How do you know you even have to pay something?
Just seems logical, sir.
What if I could pay your fine for you, or get it cancelled?
Well, sir, then I'd be much obliged, and I'd probably just leave town. Can't say that I much like being in the enemy territory.
And how are we going to do that, boss?
I'll figure something out... can I try opening that door?
Belay that, sir. The authorities told me that no one goes in till the doors open on their own.
But aren't we on the same side?
Affirmative, sir, but since I'm on civ div now, my programming requires me to submit to local authorities.
I inspected the damage. All you did was ding the metal.
Well sir, until someone shows me the law that says I don't have to pay, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Good bye.
Over and out, sir.
War never changes.
That would be all for the 187th for now, but we'll be back with him soonish.
Some new stuff we can ask the info kiosk about.
Back to the courthouse!
This little bot just buzzes.
The others, however
Oh, don't mind Cornelius. He's been bitter since the First Great Rolling Brown Out.
Bitter?! I'll show you bitter, you back-biting bot-snatcher.
I think I like these guys, boss.
I don't.
What's in that building?
Why, Arbiter's court, of course. Why else would we be here?
I need to see Arbiter.
We all do, my dear friend. But the courthouse is locked, and first come, first served.
Why are you waiting in line?
Justice! I am here for justice! To prove that *I*, Cornelius Factorbuilt, created this marvelous machine: Rex. Rex *Cornelius*built.
Ignore him, my dear friend. (Candidly, he's 1023 flops short of a kilo, if you catch my drift). The machine's name is *Oswald*built. Rex Oswaldbuilt.
This is over a name?! Why not just let Rex decide?
Oh, no.
Ridiculous!
This is about pride!
This is about principle!
So, uh, boss... would you fight over *me* like this?
You could call yourself Crispin Crispian for all I care. As long as you still pulled things off ledges for me, that is.
Glad to know I'm loved.
How are you going to decide who gets Rex?
Through the law, fool, the law!
Please excuse my brother. (He can barely remember Pi to the 23rd digit, let alone his manners).
Four.
I rest my case. Suffice it to say, old chap, we await the reopening of the courthouse. Or, more precisely, we await a summons from Arbiter, who will decide our case.
Who will say whose contribution was more important. Who will say, in fact, that *my* contribution was more important.
I'm looking for a big robot. It floats and has lots of claws and shoots lasers. It stole something of mine, have you seen it?
Indeed. The robot you describe sounds like Scraper, MetroMind's enforcer. Whatever he took is gone forever.
I refuse to accept that.
Oh, he refuses! How delightful!
Do you know where I can find a power source?
Alas, my friend, power is not as abundant in Metropol as it once was.
That mag-anchor MetroMind seized it all. Seized it, and doles it out. And there's hardly enough to around now.
MetroMind keeps all power sources in the great tower, where the council used to meet. If you want to share in it, you will have to pay her in megacycles.
Megacycles?
Yes, megacycles, you ninny.
CPU cycles. Brain power. The kind of power she really wants. Her own low-rate processor was made for running trains, not a city.
Seems the
bourgeois don't like living in this LIBRUL utopia.
Could someone else judge your case?
Of whom were you thinking? MetroMind perhaps? Authoritative, to be sure, but I'm afraid she would claim Rex for the Good of All.
And since the subway schemer...
(he means MetroMind)
... shut down our builder, Factor, he cannot help either!
What about Horatio?
Who?!
Who?!
Me.
And why should we listen to you?!
I've built a robot before, and I have no stake in this.
Yes, yes, very good, but this is a matter of law and logic. (A bit harder than banging together a tin can like your companion). How can we know your reasoning is sound?
What if I could find someone you respect, someone who would be willing to judge?
Well, I suppose there's no harm in looking.
No harm to *us*, anyway. If you want to waste your time meddling in our affairs, then I suppose it is yours to waste.
Very good, then. I am uploading he facts of our dispute to your datapouch. If you can find a suitable judge, let us know.
Right, so here are the facts:
- Design by Cornelius.
- Assembly by Oswald.
- Concept to completion: 4 years.
- Design time: 1 year.
- Cornelius invented new pneumatic drivetrain
- Assembly includes many servos, waldos and crankshafts.
- Cost of parts borne equally by both.
- Basic frame incorporates features of public domain model.
- Cornelius has several other well-known 'bot designs.
- Oswald has not built any other 'bots, but serviced Factor for years.
Let's take a few minutes to consider this, and probe the last robot.
It doesn't respond.
Boss, I'm pretty sure we're going to need to find another way to communicate with it.
Back to the family feud:
Test me.
An interesting proposition. What do you say, Cornelius?
What do I say? I say you are a liar and a thief, Oswald. But as to this... Horatio, as to him, so be it.
Boss, if they make us find seven lost crystals, I'm quitting.
Shh!
Right-oh, consider this: At the Binomial Biennial, seven robots in the Probabilitists' Circle are gathered for a party.
The what circle is gathered at the what what?! Is this some kind of vocab test?!
I said quiet!
Each robot is either a Factorbuilt, or a Sturnweilerbuilt.
Blasted Sturnweilers!
And moreover, each robot is designed with either a quad-core, a linear type, or a multiplex processor architecture.
This is ridiculous.
Pay attention! Factor or Sturnwieler! Linear-type, quad-core or multiplex!
Indeed. Now I will tell you three things about these Probabilitists. First, there are more Factorbuilt robots than Sturnweilerbuilts. Second, every linear-type robot was built by Factor. Finally, Sturnweiler never built a robot with a quad core.
Now listen! Which of the following statements about the Probabilitists Circle cannot possibly be true?
Yay, logic puzzle!
Pfff, banal. If there are more Factorbuilts, there can't be 4 Sturnweilers in a group of 7.
Four robots were built by Sturnweiler.
Good show.
The preceding facts are unchanged. Now answer this: if exactly two Factorbuilt robots have the same type of processor architecture, then which of the following must be true?
This left me stumped for a very longer while doing calculations and exclusions, until I realised what 'exactly' could mean. If "exactly" 2 robots by Factor have the same processor, then no other group can have 3 of them, right?
Factorbuilt robots are in a number of 4 to 6, as they are the majority. This means for all 3 processor groups, only 1 has 2 robots, and the other 2 groups cannot be higher than 1 robot. This leaves the Factorbuilt group in a 2-1-1 formation of variable permutations...
... while the Sturnweiler group numbers 3 robots.
Three of the seven robots were built by Sturnweiler.
Correct. Here is the third question: The facts are still unchanged. Which of the following types of processor architecture might you find in a Probabilitist built by Sturnweiler?
And this one is banal again. If all linear-types are built by Factor, and Sturnweiler never built a quad-core, he can only have multiplexes.
Only multiplex.
Hmpf.
Well, it seems we have underestimated you, my friend. Please take some time to consider, and let us know when you are ready to hear our arguments.
also
Let's get this over with
I'm ready to hear your arguments.
Excellent, excellent. My friend, this is not a difficult case. In the Primordium, it was once said: 'ten people have ten ideas, and twenty idle hands'. Wise Horatio, many years have passed, but the principle remains true. Did Cornelius have the idea for my beloved Rex? I concede he did. But who built him with his own claws and tools? Who hammered and soldered and wired Rex? That would be my humble self. Wise Horatio, a robot's fabrinymic has the suffix '-built', not '-designed'. And Rex is Oswald*built*, no matter who designed him.
Okay.
He makes a good case, boss.
What about you, Cornelius?
Bah. If you're so smart, you can figure this out for yourself. The question isn't *what* built Rex, but *who*. Your little friend there isn't named hammerbuilt, or plasma-torchbuilt. You call him *Horatio*built. Every robot uses tools to build, Oswald was merely a tool - a tool with tools (
first, we need to agree what is an rpg a tool). My *vision* was the creative force. And if you disagree, you can go and rust in the rain.
Hmm, what do you think boss? Who takes credit?
That's right, RPG Codex. Who takes credit?