He stands before the Stairwell of Awesome Communication, glowing with arcane might. He has even remembered to put his pants back on, after the Ilmadia fight. He ascends.
He meets his rival, the strange blue-skinned priest. He is about to offer him thanks for offing Arundel when the gentleman begins to exposit:
It is now his time to demand answers of his enemy.
"So. I have a question that has been burning inside my mind every since I learned who you are. I want you to answer this one, very simple question, and I want you to answer it completely. No lying. No evasions. No bullshit. You ready?"
"Sure," Poquelin says, nonplussed by this reaction to his Evil Revelation.
"You're retarded, right?"
"What?"
"You got kicked out of Hell for being too stupid, yeah? That's it. That's my question."
"What?"
"Well, there's your terrible management structure, which requires all six of your squabbling lieutenants to cooperate in order to ask you to clarify an order, much less ask for help if some walking avatar of death started hunting them down."
"I don't believe in open offices."
"There's the fact that you've apparently been conscious of all my movements over my multi-month campaign to kill them, but you didn't bother to do anything about it. And it's not like this would have required effort on your part. You literally could have walked ten meters out your door and asked one of the priests to send out a 'stick together' order. That would have completely hamstrung my efforts. If you really wanted to throw a wrench in my plans, you could've asked them to cast True Sight if people around them suddenly started to die. But you didn't."
"I prefer to give my people autonomy."
"Let's move on to your high-level goals. You have--you
had--legions of giants, salamanders, orogs, bandits, and mindfucked clerics. You had a full squad of high-level mages. In addition to your armies, I'm going to guess that you're able to open stable intraplanar portals."
"Good guess."
"For your victory condition, you need to make your way to a temple in an undefended town at the border of a loose confederacy of city states."
"What? I never mentioned that I'm trying to reach Jerrod's--"
"It's a portal to hell. You guys are always about the portals to hell," the Sufferer shrugs. "Besides, the entire introductory cinematic was about Jerrod's Stone, and it hasn't yet been mentioned since." He glares at Poquelin. Poquelin looks down sullenly.
"Okay, yes, it's about the portal to hell."
"So, while I was slowly trudging through this place for the better part of a year, why didn't you just . . . win? Was there something stopping you?"
"I was, uh, 'building up forces'--"
"I heard you the first time, and that's
still ridiculous. You
had forces. You had a diverse six-corps army of unholy destroyers, every soldier in it inexplicably four times as strong as he should be and thirty times stronger than me when I started this whole mess. Given that Hrothgar took everyone in Easthaven remotely resembling a warrior on his expedition, the entirety of Easthaven's defenses are one retired cleric. I'm sure he's one mean old man, but you could have stomped him flat with around 0.1% of your army."
Poquelin frowned. "Are you done?"
"Not even close. The mettle of a man can be judged by the worthiness of his rivals. Your archnemesis was Yxunomei. Think about that. This was the foe you spent untold eons struggling against. Presumably the two of you are intellectually well-matched. Leaving aside the part where she was a level 25/25 cleric/mage who prepared a grand total of two spells to defend herself against an anticipated assault, let's take a broader view. She was an apparently ancient demonic general whose forte was logistics and strategy. Her big plan for a campaign in a place called
Icewind Dale was to recruit multiple armies of cold-blooded reptiles. And even though she had an artifact that gives powers of divination, she still refused to parlay with an enemy who ended up killing her and her personal guard without breaking a sweat."
"Yeah, about that. Can we fight yet?"
"You claim the two of you were cast out by your superiors because your personal vendetta was disruptive. Isn't it more likely that you were both exiled for gross incompetence?"
"Speaking of which, I know you've faced down armies of jotuns, eldjotuns, greater undead, sorcerers, demons, golems, and an enormous, ancient dragon, but can you handle . . .
this? SQUIRRELS, ATTACK!" Poquelin shouts, beginning the battle.
There isn't a whole lot to this fight. Poquelin attempts to hit me with elemental effects I'm immune to; I cast mislead and smack him with the Black Blade. After a round or two of this, he gets upset and opens a portal to Easthaven--you know, like he should have done sometime during Chapter 3. The Sufferer follows.
Easthaven is overrun with cyclopes, which are nothing special, especially given that I had to wreck two maps full of jotuns to get here. There's also a crystal tower here, created from Crenshinibon, a powerful crystal artifact in Poquelin's possession. It will later go on to be the central plot device for the first of R.A. Salvatore's awful Forgotten Realms Drizzt books. Yes, we finally have a good reason to hate Poquelin: his actions here will set in play a series of terrible Lord of the Rings rip-off novels. (The second one is, no joke, going to center around a dwarven mine known for its mithril, which has been overtaken by orcs under the command of an ancient, shadowy monster.)
Eventually I free some townspeople, who reward me by giving me some plot:
Everard's going to help us. If you've forgotten, he was the guy we met at the beginning of the game who ranted about how Jerrod was dumb because dying to close the portal to hell was dumb. I sense an incoming noble sacrifice from a character we don't care enough about to mourn.
Jhonen comes by and hands me his reforged sword. "Hey, thanks again for giving me this thing! I hope nothing bad happened because of that!" he says cheerfully. The sword's +5 in the only sections of the game accessible after you receive it (so, here and in HoW). That's pretty good, but still nowhere near as good as the Longsword of Action.
We're done here, so we head to the tower.
Everard's here. "Bro, give me time to prepare my heroic death scene, k?" "K bro." We head upstairs.
And run into Pomab, who apparently masterminded the destruction of Hrothgar's expedition. Good to know that every mildly unpleasant person we came across in our trek was in league with the forces of hell; I guess having a guy who was merely rude but not evil would've been too much character complexity. Pomab conjures up a bunch of illusions and starts flinging lightning bolts around; it's all fun and games until we destroy his mind and burn his body. I didn't bother to screenshot this fight because it's trivial.
Okay, bros. This is it. I don't remember exactly how this next fight goes, so I cast a variety of buffs and ascend.
We find the crystal shard here but can't do anything about it. Bummer. Oh well, let's touch the mirror for some convenient teleportation antics:
Poquelin unseals the portal and conjures forth two cornugons (mid-level devils). Check out this alternative line from his dialogue tree, though:
"I think it is time you accepted the fact that it is not within your power to stop me. Have you not learned by now?"
"Where would I learn that? There was the time you attacked Kuldahar and I stopped you. And you tried to prevent me from using the Heartstone Gem, and that didn't work out for you, either. Then I slowly hunted down and slaughtered the entire army you had so painstakingly assembled. Then I found your private jerkoff closet and made you abandon that, too. Then I destroyed your last army, killed your stooge, and am in all likelihood going to kill you. But first, I think some otherwise irrelevant character has to make you look even stupider. Everard?"
Everard then throws himself into the portal, resealing it.
The Sufferer turns to Poquelin. "Congrats, bro. The single success you had in your entire campaign has just been reversed. I hope you enjoyed your three seconds of triumph. My one regret is that you aren't really a priest of Ilmater; your incompetence and his impotence are a perfect match."
This begins the final battle. Poquelin reveals his true form, and because that isn't cliche enough, he turns out to be an enormous pit fiend (the most powerful order of devils). His true name, visible only during this fight, is Belhifet. Belhifet is a powerhouse with the titanic strength of 25. (And an intellect of 20.
) He's got 1130 HP, -12 AC, -12 THAC0, and hits 4 times per round for 50-68 damage per hit. Every successful hit has a chance to inflict poison and disease, either with no save or with a massive penalty to save. He can cast a variety of spells and will use Infernal Conveyance every other round, which teleports him short distances at random. He has a variety of resistances (immunity to fire, cold, and poison, 25% resistance to all melee weapons, 50% resistance to magic). His stats are significantly better than 2nd edition Asmodeus, the King of the Devils, or any of the other rulers of hell.
Historical reenactment footage
I didn't take many screenshots of the fight, which I now regret, because I made enough mistakes at the start and had forgotten the flow badly enough that it ended up being quite challenging, probably the best encounter in the game. I'll describe it:
My primary error was this: I remembered that Belhifet casts a dispel magic on you at the start of the fight, so I cast Spell Immunity: Abjuration beforehand. However, I forgot that the central floor of the temple was filled with traps that take >100% Find Traps skill to disarm,
and each of these traps casts Dispel Magic. This effect is apparently a super special Dispel Magic which isn't blocked by by SI:Abj, so down went all my defenses. I stealthed and tried again, except that both cornugons and Belhifet can see the invisible. Still, once I got haste off, I could run around fast enough to rebuff.
My secondary error was getting cocky: I wanted to finish off all of Belhifet's allies as an extra humiliation before delivering the coup de grace on him.
I will unmake all your works and bring ruin to all who stand by you. Only then shall you be granted the mercy of death. I made it through the cornugons without too much trouble, but the iron golems' poison clouds were pretty annoying.
Wait! Wait! I'm feeling merciful! You can die now!
Around this time, both of the golems are sitting at injured status (50-75% HP), and I'm running low on magical immunity. Belhifet's annoying tendency to teleport around the room after a few seconds makes it hard to take off too much his HP is once, which is an issue, given that I rely on short-term weapons immunity spells to close with opponents. Belhifet can't really be tricked by Mislead spells. But casting Mislead and then Time Stop let me backstab him for three rounds, which at 7 attacks per round got him down to badly injured. (He has well over a thousand HP.)
I try to get off my other Time Stop spell, but he interrupts that with a damage spell--I'm immune, but I still go through the "hurt" animation, which breaks casting. I spend a stoneskin beating down another of his golems, but he's got one left, and I'm running pretty low on ways to close with the enemy.
I try hitting and running on Belhifet for a while. This yields slow progress, and usually costs me. Belhifet hits very hard and seems to either cause disease or poison on hit, with either no save or a very low one. Fortunately, I have stockpiled virtually every poison- or disease-curing potion in the game, as well as a few regeneration potions, so I can keep on this way for a while.
The bigger issue is haste--the golem's poison clouds force me to run through the middle of the map to kite him, and I occasionally trip one of the traps.
I have the brilliant idea of casting Mordekainen's Sword, only to be reminded that it's unenchanted in IWD, and all enemies in this encounter are immune to nonmagical weapons. I try to put aside the magic sword, but summoned weapons are not droppable; I have to wait for it expire.
Once my own sword is back, I slowly wear Belhifet down to "nearly dead," i.e., he only has 300-400 HP left. Given that I do less than 20 damage per hit, that's still not enough to go all-in against him. And it's then that he summons 8 shadow monsters. They're low-level melee fighters--mostly shadow lizardmen and shadow goblins--but if they surround me, I'm dead. I try a few strategies against them, but eventually resign myself to playing it cautious until they unsummon. It takes a while; I get caught up once and have to dimension door to escape.
So now I'm down to my last stoneskin (from a contingency), and there's still Belhifet and a golem on the board. Belhifet's flinging spells at me, and I'm dodging them all. On the other hand, I'm actually starting to run low on Elixirs of Health (which cure poison and disease), and the damage from Belhifet's direct attacks is pretty brutal on its own.
It's then that the Sufferer remembers he picked up Lover, a nasty returning throwing dagger, from Icasaracht's hoard. I don't have any skill with daggers, but my base THAC0 is ridiculous enough that I can do without. Melee is an overly risky option at this point. I start plinking away at ~12 damage per hit, twice per round, taking pot shots while the golem catches up to me. It's slow going, but the outcome is inevitable: after taking off his last 150 HP this way, Belhifet falls.
GG.
Fight analysis:
Like the Luremaster fight, this one would've been trivial if I'd remembered how it went. I had somehow forgotten all about Belhifet's poison/disease abilities (not sure if they added those in EE?). I think the ideal strategy here was probably to summon a mislead decoy and chain-cast Time Stop to set up backstabs on Belhifet, ignoring his minions. Avoiding the traps obviously would've been a good move. Also, given the sheer tankiness of enemies, preparing redundant protections for melee slugfests (extra stoneskins, extra mirror images, extra Protection from Weapons spells) would've been a better fallback.
I definitely thought I was boned at a few points, mostly due to reaching junctures where I thought I'd expended too many spells to pull off the win. Without my ridiculous potion packratting, I probably would have in fact been boned; I used something like 20 "cure"-type potions in this fight, tons of healing potions, multiple regeneration potions, and so forth. Falling back on the dagger was a desperation move; I might have been able to beat Belhifet anyway if I'd just zerged him, but I'd been trying to win a battle of attrition for a while, and I was starting to exhaust even my prodigious potion supply.