Completed [LP CYOA] I'm a High Tech Hobo Who Stumbled into Another World While Out Scavenging For Parts

[treave]

First Post

So. Where do I begin? Maybe I should start with why I’m making this post here. It’s simple. For some reason, this is the only website I can access. No, I’m not complaining about it, nuh uh. I’m feeling lucky that I’m able to get online at all, especially when it shouldn’t even be possible. Cross-dimensional internet, ha ha ha, what a joke. Perhaps it’s thanks to that weird-ass ISC chip I scavenged, but… nah.

Anyway, back to more serious matters. I’m posting this here because I’m asking for your help. Believe it or not, right now I am stuck in another world. Yeah, a different world with magic and stuff you only see in fantasy. Well, I don’t really know much about all that crap because I’ve only been here for… let’s see… two days? And holy fucking hell am I eager to leave. I’ve had better tasting week-old fast food from the bins, that’s how shit the food is. There’s a cot, but I’ve slept on cleaner goddamned newspapers too. As they say, judge a country by how it treats its prisoners, and right now I can say this country has a very bad jail, the worst I’ve been in by far. And I’ve been in my fair share back in our world, so I know what I’m talking about.

Yeah, I’m in prison. I didn’t do nothing wrong, probably, except stumble drunk into some glowing blue portal and accidentally falling on top of some pretty princess. Might’ve got a bit handsy here and there when I had the chance, but who wouldn’t? Sure there was a fair distance between the summoning circle and the princess but hey, momentum is momentum. And I was drunk.

Anyway, anyway, getting serious, for real, this time. I need help. Yeah, I’m stuck in another world so it’s not like I’m expecting you guys to call for the cops or the army or anything. I just want some opinions on what I should do. I mean, I’ve sorta screwed up my life so far doing only what I want, so I figured it might be a better experiment to ask what other people think I should do instead. Not like I actually give that much of a shit, no offense, but I’ll try my best to care.

So, let’s see. Yeah, I should give you guys a bit more information about my present conditions, shouldn’t I?

Right. I’m in a pretty standard jail cell. Rough, packed earth for a floor. There’s some straw and a bug-packed cot, and a tiny hole to relieve myself. The wall’s solid rock, I’m not digging through that any time soon. No holes in it either. Ventilation down here is pretty crappy, let me tell you that. And I mean that literally too.

The bars are set pretty firmly into the ceiling and the floor, and the door’s the type that swings open outwards. All made of iron, I think. Or at least a rather hard metal. The lock is built into the door, not external.

Speaking of which, there are three guards here. Haven’t spoken to them yet. Yeah, somehow I can understand their language. It’s something to do with the portal, apparently. That’s how I know I got dragged here for outraging the princess’s modesty. Anyway, they’re playing cards at the moment. I can’t really distinguish between them so I’ll just call them Guard A, Guard B, and Guard C.

Guard A seems to be the most senior of them all, a middle-aged man with a great big bushy beard, and he’s the one with the keys. Guards B and C look like they’re in their thirties, both with notable facial hair too. Guess shaving’s not part of their uniform. They’re playing cards right now.

Besides that, to my left and right I can see, through the bars, the adjacent cells. The cell on my left has some skinny guy, and the cell on my left has what I think is a woman. Well, she’s got long hair and what seems to be some curves that I can see through those rags, so that’s what I’ll assume. I have been wrong before, granted, but not often.

So, Codex, what should I do?

Try to pick the lock? I'm not confident about my skills, but hey, this is a primitive fantasy world and a crappy jail, I don't think the locks are going to be that hard. I might be able to scrounge up something in this cell to jiggle that latch. Not sure how I'm going to sneak out of here but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Should I talk to the guards instead, try to make friends with them so that they don't kick my teeth in, find out how long I'm going to be here for and if they're going to take my head off?

Maybe talk to my fellow inmates? They don't seem to be chatty, but I guess I could try and persuade them to spill.

Or should I just say fuck it and start watching the porn I stored on my phone instead? I still have some battery to spare, I guess. Yeah, I actually do have to find a way to recharge this phone or it's going to be a real shitty stay, but whatever.

I'm not really hoping for much, so just say whatever comes to mind and I'll see if it's doable.

 

[baud]

[Jk] Wait for the emperor to appear in your cell from a secret passage to escape some assassins.

Try to pick the lock, it will surely end well.

 

[Baltika9]

Chat up your fellow prisoners, bro, see what's what over here.

Spoiler

You're back!

 

[ItsChon]

Chat up the prisoners, maybe we can fuck the girl (probably an accused witch right) after we get out of this joint.

 

[Kipeci]

Your battery will run out even doing nothing, might as well blast porn while you can to get over Princess Blue-Balls. The guards may relent when they realize that they have such a man of culture and discerning tastes imprisoned, too!

 

[The Brazilian Slaughter]

Talk to our fellow inmates, let's get some help in this coming jailbreak.

 

[lightbane]

Oh hey, treave is back! Oh wait, it's a shitty isekai thing.

First, summon that cheat menu that all Isekai protagonists show up with. See what you can do.
Second, ensure that you're not in the world of that overrated My Shield Hero or whatever is called thing.
Third:

Talk to our fellow inmates, let's get some help in this coming jailbreak.

This.

 

[a bear named spigot]

chat up our prisonmates

and welcome back

 

[Nevill]

Just like the old days, except five years older. Let's try it.

Talk to the guards. Of the lot, they are the ones more likely to know what you've been summoned for. Maybe you could leverage that to ask for a four stars cell!

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Talk to the prisoners then.

 

[Egosphere]

talk to inmates

 

[True Ukrainian]

Hypnotize the guards with the porn on your phone.

 

[Grimgravy]

Chat up our peers.

 

[treave]

Status

Amazingly, that status menu thing you guys were talking about worked. I managed to open up some sort of… AR display. But probably magical, because I sure as hell don’t have any implants in my eyes, unlike several other junkers I could mention. This is what it showed me:

Level: 1
Class: Peasant
Strength: 10
Dexterity: 10
Endurance: 10


Skills:
Blessings of the Summoned Lv.1 (The possessor gains the ability to automatically understand common languages)


What the hell is this, a video game or something? There doesn’t seem to be anything else I can do with the menu at the moment. I’m not sure why I’m considered a peasant, and I don’t know what those stats mean. Is 10 low? Average? High? There’s no hand-holding button I can tap that tells me everything I need to know about the menu, so I’m going to have to figure this out as I go. There’s nothing else I can do with this thing at present.

I tried talking to the other prisoners. The (probably) woman ignored me. Used to that though so it’s cool. When you can hardly manage to bathe every other month, female attention is something you rarely get.

Skinny guy, on the other hand, was chatty enough once you got him talking.

His name’s Dirk, and he says he’s a revolutionary. He was arrested for painting big slogans in blood (animal, presumably) along the palace walls, calling for the people to wield power. When I asked him about his revolution, it turned out that he was leading a revolution of one. To be honest, I think he’s actually insane. He can’t go three sentences without breaking into song. Sings about as good as a frog skewered under a fat lady’s heel, too. At least I managed to get an info-dump out of him, through his torturous melodies.

Right now I’m in the capital of this place called the Kingdom (soon to be Republic, if you believe Dirk) of Syagrius. There’s a few other countries around, and Dirk offered to sketch me a map of the region by pooling our shit together to use as paint, but I declined. Syagrius is one of the smaller countries around and appears to be considered a minor power. This kingdom is, of course, ruled by a king, with the usual set of power-hungry nobles you’d see in any random fantasy story.

Unfortunately, Dirk was downright useless for any knowledge beyond that. All he could talk about was how the wonderful people and country of Syagrius didn’t deserve to be under the rule of a single king, power to the people, and so on and so forth. I tried asking about why they’d open up a portal to my world and grab some random homeless schmuck in the first place… though, to be fair, I don’t think they were expecting someone like me. Unwashed, unshaved, stinking of alcohol. Well, serves them right for not checking where they’re opening their portals. Anyway, only thing Dirk could tell me was that there was this “Demon King” thing all the way out East, but it’s apparently so irrelevant an issue that it’s only a rumour here in Syagrius - there's no evidence of a demon invasion as far as he knows. Even so, he conjectures I could be a hero called to fight the great evil or some such nonsense. Frankly, he's not giving me a high opinion of his intelligence in the first place. Dirk reminds me of Big Dick Greg and the Boys.

Man, let’s get back on track. So it’s been three days now over here. Looking at the time-stamps of the posts on my thread, time itself seems pretty fucked between dimensions. Can’t do anything about that, not without the proper parts, ha. My phone’s probably going to run out of charge pretty soon, and that would be pretty boring, wouldn’t it? I’m going to have to find the parts necessary to build a basic hand crank generator. I don’t want to rot in this cell either, I’d rather be homeless and free.

Should I try to pick the lock and flee alone? Try to organize a jailbreak and free Dirk and the woman (?) and anyone else I can find in these dungeons?

Or should I talk to the guards, try to get them to bring me the parts for that generator? Perhaps they could tell me why I’m here in the first place, being legitimate employees of the palace should give them more insight than some random self-proclaimed revolutionary in my neighbouring cell.

Or maybe I should just demand to see the king. After all, they must have called me for a reason, and if my head hasn’t been chopped off yet they might want me alive for that same reason. I just hope it's not some sort of ritual sacrifice.

Regardless, I’m not going to sit around here and wait for the battery to run out, yeah. Imagine losing on-demand access to porn.

 

[Nevill]

Is 10 low? Average? High?

If it were high you wouldn't be here now, would you?
It's no SPECIAL. So probably "just a bit higher than that of a basement rat's" would be a proper assessment of our stats.

Demand to see the King!

Blame everything on faulty summoning and require assistance (and treasury access!) to fix the problem.
Why run away hungry and alone when you can run away with your advance payment?

Edit: should probably bold/color votes or something, for ease of counting.

 

[Egosphere]

Pick the lock, flee alone

 

[True Ukrainian]

Demand to see the king

Also throw your shit at the guards. You have to show dominance in prison.

 

[treave]

It's good to be back, and wow am I rusty at this. Lemme know if you guys want a conversion to a more "standard" style with proper choices, or if I should continue with this style as an experiment.

You guys are also free to ask for details from our protagonist. Like "Who's Big Dick Greg", and things like that. This one is more free-form so you can also suggest entirely new choices. Within reason of course.

 

[Baltika9]

Escape alone, then shave, shower and get a change of clothes to lose the trail.
Who's Big Dick Greg and who are his boys?

 

[ERYFKRAD]

'ang on a minute here, can you muck about the walls, see if there's another way out than the door in front.

 

[The Brazilian Slaughter]

Talk to the Guards

Ask who this Big Dick Greg is, this may end up relevant.

 

[Grimgravy]

Talk to the Guards

Big Dick Greg and the boys? What exactly are you in to?

 

[Baltika9]

Anyway, only thing Dirk could tell me was that there was this “Demon King” thing all the way out East, but it’s apparently so irrelevant an issue that it’s only a rumour here in Syagrius - there's no evidence of a demon invasion as far as he knows. Even so, he conjectures I could be a hero called to fight the great evil or some such nonsense

By the way, if anyone tries to drag you into this drama, just say no. There's only one way that story will end: with you taking care of other people's problems for free. Fuck that noise, take care of number one right now.

 

[ItsChon]

Demand to see the king. Change my mind to talk to guards.

We'll ask for the girl prisoner as one of the necessary ingredients in whatever the fuck they summoned us or. Oh, and who's big dick greg?

 

[lightbane]

Go with what works treave. You know, the title reminds me of that manga How I stalked some dude... Zenithian sword. Alas that one is still dead. Also:

Talk to the Guards
+We can demand to see the king once we know whether our new job will be a living sacrifice for another ritual or not.