Completed [LP CYOA] I'm a High Tech Hobo Who Stumbled into Another World While Out Scavenging For Parts

Let the butthurt flow!

 

I'm surprised no one else went for the B4 giant net launcher. It's pretty simple: If our maneuverability sucks, we just need to make the other person's maneuverability suck even more, and in a shitty melee we top out because our armor is harder to damage. And it's easier to land a big net than a precise shot on someone.

 

Bar Crawl

The unmistakable, familiar stench of alcohol-laced vomit – or perhaps the other way around – floods my nose as soon as I step into the noisy bar. I had heard that this place was popular with independent gladiators and wannabes alike. Given the strict deadline and the whole checklist of things I have to do to prep my potential gladiator for piloting the machine, this place is my only shot. Dodging the drunks like a skilful waitress, I make my way to the counter.

The bartender gives me the briefest of looks before turning his portly frame back to his work.

“Hey, man, I need something,” I begin. Surely he knows who I can approach. He’s a bartender in an arena city, after all.

“If you need a drink, pay up and name your poison. If you need something else, door’s that a way.” The bartender’s response is quick and practiced, hinting at a lifetime of spouting the same line to people asking for things.

“Drinks, well…” I have no money to spare. Any allowance I get from working at the Junkyard goes right back into boarding and meals, unfortunately. It’s mandatory. Then again, I haven’t had any money for a long time, so it’s nothing new to me.

Mr. Bartender sees through my poverty-stricken self and snorts. “Door’s that a way, then.”

I don’t think I can expect any more words from him. I’ll just have to do this myself. Casting my gaze around the bar, I try to find someone who looks like they will hear me out.

***

A. A good-looking young man in the company of what seems to be a couple of ladies of the night. They seem to be having a jolly old time. Perhaps I can reel him in with promises of future riches and glory.

B. An old lady with a wrinkled face that looks like it’s been carved from steel. She’s sitting in the corner of the bar, being given a rather comfortable amount of personal space by everyone else. She would clearly be past her prime, but that might be all the more reason she would hear me out.

C. The little serving girl being harassed by a bunch of drunks. Not that I’ve much hopes from her as a pilot, but I know how stories like these go; if I help her out, she’ll lead me to some super strong hidden talent. Probably.

D. There’s a… cow tethered to the back door for some reason. It seems to have strangely intelligent eyes. Could it be? But no, I’ve been sober for so long, there’s no reason I would be seeing things here. Right? But even a cow can pilot magic armor, if I work on it...

 

An avanteur, a has-been, a magical girl and an intelligent cow. Might as well start drafting plans for a prosthetic arm.

I'm leaning towards a B>D vote right now. As I see it, our two goals for this match are (1) winning and (2) giving a favorable presentation of our product so that the Junkyard supports our R&D initiative. In this case, someone with experience might be the smart choice, especially since our suit of armor is an experimental design and will require its pilot to adapt quickly.

As for the cow, uh, how can we not want her?

 

Do we know of anything at all that correlates with having a shitload of mana?

I’m inclined to the spark of determination in the cow’s eyes, but granny reminds me of when we first saw Zhang Jue. Then again, if hidden talent is about mana then that’d be what we ought to go for for good cannons; experience is possibly a drawback with this totally new-fangled contraption that handles much differently.

C > D

 

...you're right.
B>D.

All aboard the Grandma Zhang train!

 

D. There’s a… cow tethered to the back door for some reason. It seems to have strangely intelligent eyes. Could it be? But no, I’ve been sober for so long, there’s no reason I would be seeing things here. Right? But even a cow can pilot magic armor, if I work on it...

It must be bovine providence!



The cow is the perfect Isekai companion. The most loyal one of the Overlord bunch too, if not the most capable.

The grizzled veteran calls to me, but the description makes it sound like she's been a lot more down on her luck than I thought I'd be willing to take on board. Eh, beggars and choosers.
The magical servant girl... actually fits the plucky teenager archetype, so I am not averse to that. Were it not for the power of tropes though (which we don't know if they are in effect), I'd place her chances slightly below the animal's...

 

Listen, who needs armoured mechas when you have MAGICOW??

D>B.

 

Yeah, it's definitely the cow.

 

And people thought it was silly of me to root for the shovel.
A shovel will come in handy if we pick the cow...

B

 

C>B
The magical girl! And even if she loose, we might be able to guilt her into taking care of the protag, who will be recovering from a bad case of (literal) disarmament

 

C>B

Serving girl is more likely to know enough gossip about what arena fighters are willing to take a chance, and as long as we can get the drunks off of her she should be willing to answer a question and steer us in the right direction, so our total lack of social graces shouldn't be a barrier to getting her to help us. A is fail because we're a smelly hobo and that man is trying to enjoy the company of hot girls, and when it comes to B it's a bit of a gamble. On the upside of things B is available and looks like a possible expert. D feels like we're trying to turn the CYOA into a giant meme (armored cows shooting laser beams).

 

A is right out. If he's got money for booze and whores, he doesn't need anything from our hobo.
B looks promising if she doesn't just kick hobo ass for disturbing her.
C is the low hanging fruit. This one you have something to offer to.
D is a long shot. If it works and the cow wins, you're golden. If it works.

B>C

 

I serve Codexia.

A - 0
B - 5/3
C - 1/3
D - 6
(With/without conditional votes)

Show Spoiler Hide Spoiler

Kipeci - C>D
Baltika9 - D>B
Nevill - D
Tigranes - D>B
ERYFKRAD - D
Azira - B
baud - C>B
Absinthe - C>B
Grimgravy - B>C
Esquilax - D
Kayerts - D
Nahel - B

 

Gentlemen, we are on the precipice of COW. Will you heed the call?

 

You had me at cow. D all the way.

 

Bovine Right Absolutist Hobarchy.

D

 

Hooooly cow.

 

Sphere diplomacy, here we are again.... The cow will probably win but I still vote B.

 

After giving it some more thought, I realized that not picking the cow is something that I will later regret, like skipping out on the Brown Wedding, or not marrying Sekhenun.

Flopping to D>B.

 

I'm still sulking about not getting the finger technique..

 

I never understood your fascination with fingerbanging.

 

Man, I'd forgotten about that. But I can't help but suspect that making a cow fight this early either results in this CYOA becoming irredeemably stupid "do it for the lulz" shenanigans with nowhere to go or our hobo losing an arm. Basically D feels like we'll be ending the CYOA a lot sooner. Considering what we have riding on this and the sheer impracticality of this working, D also feels like a sphere diplomacy vote.

Yuhe Finger, Brown Wedding, and picking Yunzi vs the couple are probably all missed opportunities though. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we were to do that CYOA again. We'd probably trade old mistakes for fresh ones.

 

Look, if the cow loses, it's not our fault, so the cow should be the one that's punished. Except, we picked the cow because we were told to pick someone by the Guildmaster's daughter, so this is all her fault really.

 

So the cow it is then.

Hoo boy.