Official Codex Discord Server

  1. Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.
    Dismiss Notice

Reality Roundup 25 Years Later

Discussion in 'Golden Era Games' started by Cleveland Mark Blakemore, Feb 5, 2018.

  1. Cleveland Mark Blakemore Golden Era Games Übermensch Developer

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Parrots:
    7,376
    Location:
    Australia
    Calvin.png

    1994 : Ian Currie Depicts Cleve Blakemore as a balding, senile short man with early onset dementia.

    iancurrie.jpg

    2018 : Ian Currie is a balding, senile short man with early onset dementia.

    2018 : Defying all the basic laws that govern human biology, Cleve Blakemore without steroids or chemicals has doubled both his muscle mass and bone density to levels rarely seen even amongst olympic powerlifters or the world's strongest men from Norway. He increasingly looks like a 12 year old boy and extensive recent physical evaluations show he is effectively aging in reverse, a kind of real life Benjamin Buttons. Reflexes and grip strength are described by GP in recent written report as being "unlike results seen in even the fittest 25 year olds. Subject moves at times faster than the human eye can track his movements." Report by physician in early November says that Blakemore is muscled in places that actually do not have muscle on standard anatomy charts, including hip flexors and upper back muscles that do not appear in anatomy studies in conventional texts. Color has recently returned to his hair after completing Grimoire, restored to a rich dark brown color normally only seen in youth.

    580 kg (1278 pounds) hack squat in late December actually fractures support rod on Nautilus machine at Genesis gym in Ringwood. Genesis training staff issue formal notice forbidding Blakemore from using cheater plates on the many Nautilus machines he trains with at the full machine stack, citing "unprecedented stress" on their equipment that may damage this expensive hardware.

    Cleve Blakemore on paper is apparently 54 years old but shows every sign of having recently emerged from puberty given overall physical data. French anthropologists once suggested that Neanderthals did not finish puberty until their fifties.

    cmb-2018.png

    Body composition analysis by trained staff accurate to 1% tolerance shows that without question, Blakemore is not a human being and probably never was. It is just becoming too obvious to ignore now.

    NeoHybrid.png

    Nearly 49 kilos of muscle mass, in excess of most comic book superheroes in graphic novels.

    NeoBones.png

    Bone density is close to that of granite. A real life unbreakable. If a double decker fully loaded passenger bus hit this man at 90 miles an hour, it is highly unlikely anyone on that bus would survive the impact.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2018
    • Salute x 37
    • Brofist x 35
    • Funny x 17
    • incline x 13
    • Prestigious x 5
    • Informative x 5
    • retadred x 5
    • Participation Award x 3
    • WTF am I reading x 3
    • nice x 2
    • Fabulously Optimistic x 2
    • butthurt x 2
    • :M x 2
    • hopw roewur ne x 1
    • Cheers!! x 1
    • Edgy x 1
    • FAKE NEWS x 1
    • Friendly x 1
    • Racist x 1
    • "It was Aliens" x 1
    • Old x 1
    • Excited! x 1
    • Doggy x 1
    • Balanced x 1
    • M: x 1
    ^ Top  
  2. Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis

    Darth Roxor
    Joined:
    May 29, 2008
    Parrots:
    1,870,714
    Location:
    Djibouti
    but it says kg
     
    • Funny x 11
    • incline x 2
    • it is a mystery x 2
    • Bad Spelling x 2
    • Acknowledge this user's Agenda x 1
    ^ Top  
  3. Infinitron I post news Patron

    Infinitron
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Parrots:
    73,441
    Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    Looking good there, Cleve.

    Google Image Search best guess: jaw :obviously:
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2018
    • Prestigious Prestigious x 6
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • nice nice x 1
    • Salute Salute x 1
    ^ Top  
  4. Nerevar Learned Patron Repressed Homosexual

    Nerevar
    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2017
    Parrots:
    286
    Location:
    Balmora
    Jesus don't mean to blaspheme but you are looking quite hale and hearty for your age and youthful.

    Are you a relaxed individual? Are you eating plenty of butter and wholemeal bread? What is the secret?

    And don't say genetics.
     
    • Yes Yes x 2
    ^ Top  
  5. VentilatorOfDoom RPG Codex Staff

    VentilatorOfDoom
    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2009
    Parrots:
    7,964
    Location:
    Deutschland
    pound is the ostralian word for kg you noob
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Informative Informative x 2
    ^ Top  
  6. Cleveland Mark Blakemore Golden Era Games Übermensch Developer

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Parrots:
    7,376
    Location:
    Australia
    Correct. Skeletal muscle mass is actually 107 pounds, a ridiculous comical figure that is normally only seen in caricatures of humans in comic books. The incredible hulk would look like a slender, frail and effeminate bitch in comparison.
     
    • Funny Funny x 13
    • Salute Salute x 3
    • incline incline x 2
    ^ Top  
  7. Lazing Dirk Arcane

    Lazing Dirk
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2016
    Parrots:
    1,865,263
    Location:
    Shooting up your ride
    I was wondering why this was in here, then realised Cleve's life is probably the longest-running RPG of all time
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    • Brofist Brofist x 5
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    ^ Top  
  8. Cleveland Mark Blakemore Golden Era Games Übermensch Developer

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Parrots:
    7,376
    Location:
    Australia
    Both arms taped at 20.5 inches, a figure that is normally impossible even in men using steroids for decades. Was doing preacher curls with 320 pounds x 7 reps last Thursday.
     
    • incline incline x 3
    • Prestigious Prestigious x 1
    • [citation needed] [citation needed] x 1
    • Fabulously Optimistic Fabulously Optimistic x 1
    ^ Top  
  9. Cleveland Mark Blakemore Golden Era Games Übermensch Developer

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Parrots:
    7,376
    Location:
    Australia
    GP noted in his report that comparing physicals done in 2015 and Jan 2018, my eyes had changed from light grey to nephilim blue. LDL cholesterol levels were equivalent to six week old infant. No current reading exists for 54 year old man with these cholesterol levels other than me. GP said pupil dilation response was below average in 2014 exam, is now far above average.
     
    • incline incline x 4
    • Prestigious Prestigious x 1
    • [citation needed] [citation needed] x 1
    ^ Top  
  10. octavius Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    octavius
    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2007
    Parrots:
    12,199
    Location:
    Bjørgvin
    Are we watching evolution as it happens?
    Is Cleve the first Homo sapiens superior?
     
    • Yes x 6
    • Funny x 3
    • incline x 2
    • it is a mystery x 2
    • Prestigious x 1
    • Fabulously Optimistic x 1
    • Excited! x 1
    ^ Top  
  11. Cleveland Mark Blakemore Golden Era Games Übermensch Developer

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Parrots:
    7,376
    Location:
    Australia
    Blood profile still indicates some problems with insulin resistance, to be expected if superhuman sits in study chair for 25 years working on a computer game and eating Cheetos. I am going to paleo diet (the only correct diet for Neanderthals) this week and rejecting even the most moderate carbs from now on.
     
    • Prestigious x 4
    • incline x 2
    • nice x 1
    • Despair x 1
    • Old x 1
    • Excited! x 1
    • Doggy x 1
    ^ Top  
  12. SausageInYourFace Arcane Patron

    SausageInYourFace
    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2013
    Parrots:
    2,708
    Location:
    In your face
    Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Bubbles In Memoria A Beautifully Desolate Campaign Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
    It seems now is the right time to finally do your Matt Barton interview, set some records straight and not only talk about games but also about fitness and nutrition.
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 10
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Prestigious Prestigious x 1
    ^ Top  
  13. Crispy LG4lyfe Undisputed Queen of Faggotry

    Crispy
    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2008
    Parrots:
    1,866,747
    Location:
    Future Wasteland
    I just turned 50 in December and recently had my blood pressure checked. It came in at only 122/80 which is considered normal for a 30-35 year old man.

    Maybe I'm 1/4 'thal or something.
     
    • Old x 8
    • Salute x 5
    • incline x 3
    • Yes x 1
    • Rage x 1
    • [citation needed] x 1
    • Friendly x 1
    ^ Top  
  14. Metro Arcane Beg Auditor

    Metro
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2009
    Parrots:
    25,693
    So when is Grimoire going to be in an indie bundle? Also that's clearly a hair piece.
     
    • Funny x 6
    • butthurt x 2
    • decline x 1
    • STOP! posting x 1
    • retadred x 1
    ^ Top  
  15. Elex Scholar

    Elex
    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2017
    Parrots:
    1,051
    my cholesterol is perfect too.
    maybe it’s connected with playing RPG?
     
    • Yes x 3
    • Agree x 2
    • Fabulously Optimistic x 1
    • it is a mystery x 1
    • Balanced x 1
    ^ Top  
  16. Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis

    Darth Roxor
    Joined:
    May 29, 2008
    Parrots:
    1,870,714
    Location:
    Djibouti
    suddenly it makes sense

    Cleve is injecting ELEX
     
    • incline x 26
    • Funny x 9
    • Yes x 3
    • Prestigious x 1
    • Makes you think... x 1
    • Informative x 1
    • it is a mystery x 1
    ^ Top  
  17. taxalot I request a spice shipment immediately. Patron

    taxalot
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2010
    Parrots:
    6,769
    Location:
    Your bank accounts
    Codex 2013 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015
    You are still a disgusting human being.
     
    • Shit x 19
    • butthurt x 8
    • Agree x 3
    • Disagree x 3
    • [citation needed] x 3
    • Friendly x 2
    • Acknowledge this user's Agenda x 1
    • Up Yours x 1
    • incline x 1
    • Yes x 1
    • Racist x 1
    • cuck x 1
    • retadred x 1
    ^ Top  
  18. Jenkem Cipher Patron

    Jenkem
    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2016
    Parrots:
    1,624
    Location:
    '`,'`,`',
    Make the Codex Great Again!
    Is this a preview of the Grimoire manual?
     
    • Funny Funny x 11
    • Excited! Excited! x 2
    • Yes Yes x 1
    • it is a mystery it is a mystery x 1
    ^ Top  
  19. taxalot I request a spice shipment immediately. Patron

    taxalot
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2010
    Parrots:
    6,769
    Location:
    Your bank accounts
    Codex 2013 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015
    It's not coming out.
     
    • Shit x 6
    • Funny x 3
    • Despair x 3
    • [citation needed] x 3
    • butthurt x 3
    • Brofist x 2
    • Agree x 2
    • Acknowledge this user's Agenda x 1
    • rolleyes x 1
    • Yes x 1
    • Hoo x 1
    • :M x 1
    • M: x 1
    ^ Top  
  20. Werdna's Revenge Savant

    Werdna's Revenge
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Parrots:
    616
    Location:
    Canuckistan
    Looking way better than the average RPG developer :salute:
     
    • Agree Agree x 7
    • [citation needed] [citation needed] x 1
    ^ Top  
  21. Sacred82 Dumbfuck! Dumbfuck

    Sacred82
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2013
    Parrots:
    2,508
    Location:
    Retardo Mode
    you should know better Cleve


    picture downloaded to porn folder
     
    • Funny x 8
    • Excited! x 4
    • Yes x 2
    • Acknowledge this user's Agenda x 1
    • incline x 1
    • Prestigious x 1
    ^ Top  
  22. YES! Hi, I'm Roqua Dumbfuck

    YES!
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2017
    Parrots:
    2,088
    The last time I went to the doctor she told me I am pre-diabetic. I was taking cholesterol pills for years but since I decided not to go to the doctors anymore I have been out for years by now. Its pretty funny how doctors use your health as hostage to get you to waste your time to go in and wait around forever in their waiting room and then again in the exam room before they'll renew prescriptions. Health, Health care, and living in general are all overrated. I'll take a double-quarter pounder with cheese over health any day of the week. Short of running into an inferno to save people - living unhealthy is the only loophole in getting out of this whole living fiasco somewhat honorably. There is now a whole movement to protect people like me from being shamed by the healthies. I'm not officially fat yet, but I sure am far from skinny or the young stud I used to be. Its a lot more work than people give me credit for. For the last 5 or 6 years I've shoved everything in my mouth I want (and almost none of it has been anything remotely healthy) and have only put on about 30 lbs. Possibly 35 if I have to take a nice big shit.
     
    • Brofist x 2
    • Salute x 2
    • Acknowledge this user's Agenda x 1
    • STOP! posting x 1
    • Interesting x 1
    ^ Top  
  23. Crispy LG4lyfe Undisputed Queen of Faggotry

    Crispy
    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2008
    Parrots:
    1,866,747
    Location:
    Future Wasteland
    lol I'm going to out-live Roqua.
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
    • Prestigious Prestigious x 2
    • Fabulously Optimistic Fabulously Optimistic x 2
    • Yes Yes x 1
    ^ Top  
  24. Cleveland Mark Blakemore Golden Era Games Übermensch Developer

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Parrots:
    7,376
    Location:
    Australia
    SCP Foundation refuses to move me from Euclid to Keter class until I demonstrate some clearly non-physical ability. I submitted myself for trolling SJWs power but they said that is so easy even they can do it.
     
    • Brofist x 7
    • Funny x 6
    • :M x 2
    • Agree x 1
    • Edgy x 1
    • Friendly x 1
    • Doggy x 1
    ^ Top  
  25. Saduj Arcane

    Saduj
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2012
    Parrots:
    1,073
    This thread reminds me of my favorite Cleveland Mark Blakemore comment of all time, which also falls under the category of commenting on the appearance of an old enemy. It was an exchange in the Grimoire Manastorm Kickstarter comments:


    Joel Hulsey on September 20
    I remember ol' Cleve from days gone by. I would have hoped that he would have gotten counseling in the 20+ years. Sadly, it's obvious he hasn't. You can almost see him spewing spittle at his 15-inch monitor as he sits in his shack. It's so funny!

    Cleveland Mark Blakemore on September 20
    @Joel

    It's true what they say about married couples looking more alike as they get older. I can't tell you and your wife apart anymore. It looks like one big androgenous blob running together.

    (Note: At the time, the other guy's avatar was a picture of him and his wife.)

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
     
    • Funny Funny x 25
    • :M :M x 2
    • Prestigious Prestigious x 1
    • Balanced Balanced x 1
    ^ Top  

(buying stuff via the above buttons helps us pay the hosting bills, thanks!)