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Thief fan missions and campaigns
- Thread starter SCO
- Start date
Same.
cowking
Scholar
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2016
- Messages
- 115
Some great one liners in that LP.
"Well he sounds like a pompous, stuck up doodolidoo, so... you know, not that it matters cause I'd be robbing him anyway"
"Have a hug"
I'd love to see a LP like this for Rogue Spear though. Virgin tears of blood.
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I was like 7 years old when I first played Thief: The Dark Project and I didn't even know what a stealth game was or how they worked. It was the first game I got along with my computer (gift from my father). I used to go through the levels in normal difficulty slashing my way through with the sword and ocassionally the fire arrows. It took me almost a year to complete the game because I didn't understand English at all and you can tell the hard time I had guessing what The Eye told me in the Haunted Cathedral level to do. Undercover was hard too because I didn't have a clue on how to open the cell with the talismans. And then oh boy, BruderMurus Brother Murus happened. Luckily the final levels were not as tough. I replayed TDP years later on expert difficulty with a better understanding on the stealth mechanics and it was like playing a new game entirely.
H3H3
Novice
Nice story. I, myself, honestly didn't even know how to play TDP on my first run (on normal!). So a few months later, I came back to it and actually enjoyed it (with the exception of the Bonehoard). Plus, I was really stupid back when I first played it.
Damn you kids. When I got my first computer, I had access to two games:
And some kind of graphical simulation that would draw you a Mandelbrot set very slowly (think "over a few hours").
And some kind of graphical simulation that would draw you a Mandelbrot set very slowly (think "over a few hours").
forumvisitor#451
Cipher
I got my friend excited for Thief few years ago - he was a typical graphicswhore, but was excited from my gameplay stories. I told him to go with Thief 2 and ghost it. He called me to go fuck myself after 4 hours of first mission.
H3H3
Novice
The first mission? You must be joking. That was easy. Even I was able to complete it. 
Yeah but ghosting as a first timer.
Thief is pretty damn hard for beginners without ghosting or even going for Expert difficulty. It is just that some of us (well, not you young'uns) have had more than eighteen years of practice to git gud.
Playing Snobs: Part One right now, and holy shit... this is an obvious amateur mission (was the author's first FM) and does a lot of things wrong, but it also shows huge amounts of creativity and is a lot of fun to go through just to see what crazy stuff the author put in.
- there's a tiny guard doll in a child's bed, which is pretty cute
- the child herself is outside and holding a balloon; it is a very glitchy balloon
- the bar is filled with patrons doing nice little custom animations, very cool. There's even a violinist there!
- you get rope arrows that allow you to get to places that weren't meant to be accessible; fun times
- Garret has a house in a village. Also a fiancee. Who was kidnapped and now Garrett has to bring a precious necklace to the kidnapper. I really don't know why Garrett goes along with it because usually, he'd just free his fiancee and steal all of the kidnapper's valuables in the process. Here you actually have to bring along the valuable necklace, heh
- There are many cool custom items in there. Some of them look silly, but that fits the mission's style
- The values of the loot are beyond ridiculous. You have to steal 15k in total. You start by taking 4k of your own money from your stash, but I soon had 14k without knowing where I picked it up. When I opened a chest in the upstairs rooms of the bar (there was a fat noble in it and a readable that implied he had a valuable item with him, likely hidden in the chest) my loot value went up from 14k to over 20k. Yeah. You can get thousands of loots from single chests. This is beyond ridiculous!
- this is a readable on somebody's nightstand:
- In the bathroom next to that bedroom, there's a naked woman in the bathtub. The water is the funniest about it. One straight diagonal water-spray effect going right into her face.
So yeah. If you want some whimsical, utterly silly fun, play Snobs.
- there's a tiny guard doll in a child's bed, which is pretty cute
- the child herself is outside and holding a balloon; it is a very glitchy balloon
- the bar is filled with patrons doing nice little custom animations, very cool. There's even a violinist there!
- you get rope arrows that allow you to get to places that weren't meant to be accessible; fun times
- Garret has a house in a village. Also a fiancee. Who was kidnapped and now Garrett has to bring a precious necklace to the kidnapper. I really don't know why Garrett goes along with it because usually, he'd just free his fiancee and steal all of the kidnapper's valuables in the process. Here you actually have to bring along the valuable necklace, heh
- There are many cool custom items in there. Some of them look silly, but that fits the mission's style
- The values of the loot are beyond ridiculous. You have to steal 15k in total. You start by taking 4k of your own money from your stash, but I soon had 14k without knowing where I picked it up. When I opened a chest in the upstairs rooms of the bar (there was a fat noble in it and a readable that implied he had a valuable item with him, likely hidden in the chest) my loot value went up from 14k to over 20k. Yeah. You can get thousands of loots from single chests. This is beyond ridiculous!
- this is a readable on somebody's nightstand:
- In the bathroom next to that bedroom, there's a naked woman in the bathtub. The water is the funniest about it. One straight diagonal water-spray effect going right into her face.
So yeah. If you want some whimsical, utterly silly fun, play Snobs.
Update: finished Snobs 1, now playing Snobs 2.
It has hot dogs as loot items.
Not food.
Loot.
10/10
EDIT:
Okay, no. It actually SUBSTRACTS money from your total loot amount because it makes you pay for the hot dogs.
It has hot dogs as loot items.
Not food.
Loot.
10/10
EDIT:
Okay, no. It actually SUBSTRACTS money from your total loot amount because it makes you pay for the hot dogs.
I'm about to finish ruins of originia, maybe this will be my next FM...Update: finished Snobs 1, now playing Snobs 2.
It has hot dogs as loot items.
Not food.
Loot.
10/10
EDIT:
Okay, no. It actually SUBSTRACTS money from your total loot amount because it makes you pay for the hot dogs.
Have some screenshots of the two Snobs FMs!
Probably the worst nude model in Thief FMs:
Beware! For some of these items you actually have to pay the price listed here! (like the hot dogs)
This guy is advertising Joe's:
This is the Hotel's fitness room:
This is the creator of the FM herself, sitting in front of her PC, dromeding:
AND THE BEST FOR LAST
SERIOUSLY GUYS
THIS IS THE BEST FM EVER
BECAUSE...
Probably the worst nude model in Thief FMs:
Beware! For some of these items you actually have to pay the price listed here! (like the hot dogs)
This guy is advertising Joe's:
This is the Hotel's fitness room:
This is the creator of the FM herself, sitting in front of her PC, dromeding:
AND THE BEST FOR LAST
SERIOUSLY GUYS
THIS IS THE BEST FM EVER
BECAUSE...
IT HAS ACTUAL ICE CREAM CONES !!!!!!!!
H3H3
Novice
Next on my must-play FMs:
The Snobs series
The Snobs series
Yandros
Savant
Today in "FMs that shouldn't exist but for some reason do"
Thanks to Unkillable Cat for recommending this FM about 7 years ago in this here thread.
(You still owe me a review of The New Sheriff now that it's offcially out I'm the one who made it, btw)
Thanks to Unkillable Cat for recommending this FM about 7 years ago in this here thread.
(You still owe me a review of The New Sheriff now that it's offcially out I'm the one who made it, btw)
- Joined
- May 13, 2009
- Messages
- 27,190
"The New Sheriff"
It's short, it's silly, it allows you to shoot floating cats in the butt.
T2 FM of the Year, 10/10, Lifetime Achievement yaddayaddayadda...
It's short, it's silly, it allows you to shoot floating cats in the butt.
T2 FM of the Year, 10/10, Lifetime Achievement yaddayaddayadda...
"Due to his bowel movement problem, Mr Oh Dear constantly has a feces hanging down under his butt."
I'd never thought I'd say this, but A Servant's Life is so far beyond the line of good taste even I think it's too much.
I'd never thought I'd say this, but A Servant's Life is so far beyond the line of good taste even I think it's too much.
Squadafroinx
Novice
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2017
- Messages
- 35
Am I the only one or almost every John Denison's FM have that weird "this guy" feeling? I mean, there is always a torture room or/and a prison concealed somewhere 
This is... wow. This is the first time I actually finished this FM because the first time I played it, it bugged out on me due to the many scripted scenes.
And... wow.
My own missions are more than a little weird. The New Sheriff had floating magical animals and a cooking Trickster who wanted to cook a naked woman. Shoes and Dresses had a lot of obvious foot fetish content.
I've also played crazy and silly missions by other authors. I've posted screenshots of the Snobs FMs here, and those have some crazy stuff in them that is quirky and charming in its weirdness. KFort has made missions such as Bloodmist Tower, which features a Hammerite priest with a holy water font sprouting from his head.
But never have I played anything like this. Nothing out there, not a single other FM compares to A Servant's Life.
- "Mr Oh Dear's feces" is a food item. When you right click while it's selected, Garrett eats it. During the course of the mission, I have found over 100 of these.
- The readables are legitimately disturbing. I write bizarro novels for a living, but even I found this a little extreme. Let me just give you some of the highlights:
In this screenshot, you see Mr Oh Dear being trapped below an elevator. The guard has pushed the elevator's down button, and now the elevator is pushing down on Mr Oh Dear's head. This lasts for at least 10 seconds in which you listen to Mr Oh Dear wail and scream and watch poop drop down from between his legs.
But this... this is the most insane part of the entire FM.
Remember the readable that mentions Mr Oh Dear constantly having "a feces hanging down under his butt"?
This is the feces hanging down under his butt.
It says "About to drop" when you frob it.
In order to cure his ailment, you have to use a potion of bowel cure ON THE PIECE OF POOP THAT IS HANGING FROM HIS BUTT
THIS IS AN ACTUAL OBJECTIVE
All in all... I rated this "Solid to Good 6.5/10" because honestly, the mansion is quite well-designed and it's not a bad mission, it's just that the story and the readables are so utterly, severely fucked up.
Like, really fucked up.
This FM certainly was... an experience. Really, you have to play it yourself to believe it. The mere existence of this thing is surreal.
Someone put hours of effort into creating an actually decent Thief mission, just to fill it with exceptionally cruel descriptions of torture and poop jokes.
And... wow.
My own missions are more than a little weird. The New Sheriff had floating magical animals and a cooking Trickster who wanted to cook a naked woman. Shoes and Dresses had a lot of obvious foot fetish content.
I've also played crazy and silly missions by other authors. I've posted screenshots of the Snobs FMs here, and those have some crazy stuff in them that is quirky and charming in its weirdness. KFort has made missions such as Bloodmist Tower, which features a Hammerite priest with a holy water font sprouting from his head.
But never have I played anything like this. Nothing out there, not a single other FM compares to A Servant's Life.
- "Mr Oh Dear's feces" is a food item. When you right click while it's selected, Garrett eats it. During the course of the mission, I have found over 100 of these.
- The readables are legitimately disturbing. I write bizarro novels for a living, but even I found this a little extreme. Let me just give you some of the highlights:
* "Mr Oh Dear constantly has a feces hanging down under his butt." This is one of the worst because, honestly, a feces? This rapes grammar just as bad as it does good taste.
* One readable is called "Cruel Fertilization Plans" and describes how the garden of the mansion is not very fertile, and they don't have enough burricks to fertilize the ground with dung. So they're using Mr Oh Dear to help. How do they do that? By putting him on a cart, dragging the cart around the field, and having him drop his poop everywhere. Mr Oh Dear has taken an invincibility potion so he won't die no matter how often he is hit. Every time he is hit on the head, he drops "a feces". They drag him through the fields for 6 hours, constantly bopping him on the head so he can drop his poop and fertilize the soil.
* "Mr Oh Dear has an unlimited supply of feces."
* There are readables containing the rules of life for servants, guards, and Mr Oh Dear. Servants are treated fairly. Guards are, too. Mr Oh Dear is not allowed to be treated fairly. "Mr Oh Dear is considered to be trash, worth less than even rats, and is to be treated as such."
* One readable explicitly states that while he cannot be harmed by weapons due to the invincibility potion, he still feels the pain of being hit. It also states that he is not permitted to cry until the guards who are to beat him have left his cell.
* There are also dinner plans for everyone in the mansion. Guards and servants get sensible rations of burrick meat and bread, but Mr Oh Dear? He only gets burrick rump. Rump is defined as "meat exclusively from the anal region". Also, "if any residue of animal waste is left on the meat, it is up to the cook's discretion to clean it off. Cleaning it off is not necessary." Also, if Mr Oh Dear breaks any of his behavioral rules, he will be punished by not getting any regular food at all. His punishment consists of having his diet restricted to his own poop for weeks. Yes. The poor guy has to eat nothing but his own poop for weeks if he misbehaves. "Mr Oh Dear is required to have at least a day's supply of feces in his cell in case that he is punished."
* Mr Oh Dear is not allowed any visitors, not from outside nor from the staff. The only exception is on his birthday: then, staff may sing Happy Birthday to him for 5 minutes. That is all the human contact he is allowed. He also has to spend at least 6 hours a day cleaning the sewers, and his cell is so tiny "the only movement he can do is taking exactly one step to the left or right. The cell is too narrow to take any more steps, or to sit or lie down."
* There are several readables that explicitly order all guards and servants to treat Mr Oh Dear horribly, and that threaten punishment to anyone who does not treat him horribly. Slipping him some normal food, for example, is not allowed. Guards are forbidden to come to his help if he screams for help, even if he is legitimately under threat.
- There are several overly long cutscenes/conversations where Mr Oh Dear is suffering abuse at the hands of the guards or due to malfunctioning machinery. These scenes are drawn out for way too long. While you watch these scenes, you will see pieces of poop drop from his bum.* One readable is called "Cruel Fertilization Plans" and describes how the garden of the mansion is not very fertile, and they don't have enough burricks to fertilize the ground with dung. So they're using Mr Oh Dear to help. How do they do that? By putting him on a cart, dragging the cart around the field, and having him drop his poop everywhere. Mr Oh Dear has taken an invincibility potion so he won't die no matter how often he is hit. Every time he is hit on the head, he drops "a feces". They drag him through the fields for 6 hours, constantly bopping him on the head so he can drop his poop and fertilize the soil.
* "Mr Oh Dear has an unlimited supply of feces."
* There are readables containing the rules of life for servants, guards, and Mr Oh Dear. Servants are treated fairly. Guards are, too. Mr Oh Dear is not allowed to be treated fairly. "Mr Oh Dear is considered to be trash, worth less than even rats, and is to be treated as such."
* One readable explicitly states that while he cannot be harmed by weapons due to the invincibility potion, he still feels the pain of being hit. It also states that he is not permitted to cry until the guards who are to beat him have left his cell.
* There are also dinner plans for everyone in the mansion. Guards and servants get sensible rations of burrick meat and bread, but Mr Oh Dear? He only gets burrick rump. Rump is defined as "meat exclusively from the anal region". Also, "if any residue of animal waste is left on the meat, it is up to the cook's discretion to clean it off. Cleaning it off is not necessary." Also, if Mr Oh Dear breaks any of his behavioral rules, he will be punished by not getting any regular food at all. His punishment consists of having his diet restricted to his own poop for weeks. Yes. The poor guy has to eat nothing but his own poop for weeks if he misbehaves. "Mr Oh Dear is required to have at least a day's supply of feces in his cell in case that he is punished."
* Mr Oh Dear is not allowed any visitors, not from outside nor from the staff. The only exception is on his birthday: then, staff may sing Happy Birthday to him for 5 minutes. That is all the human contact he is allowed. He also has to spend at least 6 hours a day cleaning the sewers, and his cell is so tiny "the only movement he can do is taking exactly one step to the left or right. The cell is too narrow to take any more steps, or to sit or lie down."
* There are several readables that explicitly order all guards and servants to treat Mr Oh Dear horribly, and that threaten punishment to anyone who does not treat him horribly. Slipping him some normal food, for example, is not allowed. Guards are forbidden to come to his help if he screams for help, even if he is legitimately under threat.
In this screenshot, you see Mr Oh Dear being trapped below an elevator. The guard has pushed the elevator's down button, and now the elevator is pushing down on Mr Oh Dear's head. This lasts for at least 10 seconds in which you listen to Mr Oh Dear wail and scream and watch poop drop down from between his legs.
But this... this is the most insane part of the entire FM.
Remember the readable that mentions Mr Oh Dear constantly having "a feces hanging down under his butt"?
This is the feces hanging down under his butt.
It says "About to drop" when you frob it.
In order to cure his ailment, you have to use a potion of bowel cure ON THE PIECE OF POOP THAT IS HANGING FROM HIS BUTT
THIS IS AN ACTUAL OBJECTIVE
All in all... I rated this "Solid to Good 6.5/10" because honestly, the mansion is quite well-designed and it's not a bad mission, it's just that the story and the readables are so utterly, severely fucked up.
Like, really fucked up.
This FM certainly was... an experience. Really, you have to play it yourself to believe it. The mere existence of this thing is surreal.
Someone put hours of effort into creating an actually decent Thief mission, just to fill it with exceptionally cruel descriptions of torture and poop jokes.
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I actually played this some years ago. Couldn't believe it myself. The mission is quite good though... but sure is a kind of guilty pleasure. At least you can cure mr. o' dear and end this circus of terror... I went back to see how did I rated it, and I gave it a 9/10, and I played it on December 10th of 2012... Guess I was impressed by the boldness of it.
I admit to being a prude, but I found the mission genuinely disgusting in a not-even-a-juvenile-joke way, and not only never finished it, I scrubbed every trace of it from my HD.
The author has done some rather good missions, though. Rust Belt Prison is nice, and some of the Love Story missions are good too.
The author has done some rather good missions, though. Rust Belt Prison is nice, and some of the Love Story missions are good too.
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