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Inactive Let's Play Europa Universalis III: Jerusalem Sancta

WHICH IS BETTER AND WHY?

  • Tripoli (MMU)

    Votes: 5 11.1%
  • Jerusalem (fun2EU)

    Votes: 13 28.9%
  • Ikko-Ikki (fun2EU)

    Votes: 4 8.9%
  • Norway (MMU)

    Votes: 5 11.1%
  • Pskov (MMU)

    Votes: 3 6.7%
  • Copt Egypt (fun2EU)

    Votes: 9 20.0%
  • Navarra (fun2EU)

    Votes: 3 6.7%
  • Riga (MMU)

    Votes: 3 6.7%

  • Total voters
    45

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
You're not Humanity Has Risen, Tripjack.

======================================

CWrHy.jpg


Era Coloniae

Wheel of Time

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After the depletion of the gold mines of Sus, for Jerusalem most of Morocco has become a ppoor shithole filled with heathens living in hovels and ready to rise again and again, for because of how fast they breed like berber farm animals, they'll obviously never run out of rebels. The only exception was the Canaries, with their rich sugar cane and a population small enough to be easily put under control. In fact, the rest of such towelhead hovel was so worthless the Emperor, in a gesture of kindness, donated all of it to Guyenne. They only need the Canary Islands as a base towards the future colonization of the New World, probably much richer than the North African holes.

There was one thing that the Imperium of Jerusalem needed to seek such ambitions immediately.

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In 1546, the first step was taken. After years of neglect it was clear that the shipwrighting industry of the Empire was not up to the task of developing vessels sturdy enough to cross the vastness of the Atlantic and reach the New World. Therefore a policy of excellency in such field shall be sought regardless of the currently greater land focus. A new age is beginning for the Empire of Jerusalem.

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By the mid of the 16th century, Jerusalem took the first steps to become a colonial Empire, but more was needed, a new way of life, a new direction and the conditions for expeditions to map the vast unknown expanses of the world for the cause of the one holy empire.

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The heretical Roman Empire, the Frenchs of Guyenne, Jerusalem, the heathens of Iberia, the rising British Empire and probably others were leaving their ownregions as secondary concerns and pursuing wealth and power over the New World. It won't be easy for Jerusalem to take a slice of these new lands while retaining their supremacy over the Levant.

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The beginning of the long colonial dream also was marked by growing prosperity over the kingdom, in spite of them being somewhat backwards, something very dangerous, particularly due to certain heretical neighbors more than willing to challenge their supremacy.

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The new world is where the future lies, not the old world, not those lifeless deserts save for towelheads and snakes. It's just not worth to fight for such a worthless goal against the Khanate.

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When some libruls and most likely 5th column of the heathens, heretics and equal scum requested for the institution of a Senate in the Imperium, the Emprah said nothing, instead he gestured for Commissar Draco to come, and the commissar gladly pointed his new musket at the LIBERAL HORRIBLE CREATURES and then, of course:

HERESY! *BLAM*

Despite technologically backwards compared to her neighbors, Jerusalem was still evolving, and as the mid of the century approaches, a major development would lead to the retirement of the classical knights crusaders, even though their heroic deeds of course will never be forgotten, and introduce a new kind of mounted crusader:

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The Crusader Hussars of Jerusalem. Originated from Serbians who fought against the heretical and decadent Eastern Roman Empire and from a lot of Polish crusaders who saw in Jerusalem hopes of a better life after their clay was taken by the Orthodox Lithuanian Hitmen, their lances shall pierce through heathen, heretic and traitor alike and their charges will lead Jerusalem to victory!

: x

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The Emperor wisely stated that Jerusalem needed a long age of peace to prosper internally, something many agreed with for there have been more than enough wars in the previous century, during this peace of the mid 16th century, slowly the last territories conquered were finally being integrated, and Jerusalem grew stronger. With Karbala eventually secure in their hands, it was time to extend the best day of every Serbian life from Iraq to Karbala.

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And thus, once again the unique culture of the Crusaders was given another chance of becoming able to survive in the coming centuries, and once again the durka durka savage culture is righteously removed from the premises like a stick of kebab.

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Unum Imperium, Unum Populum, Unum Imperator!

Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Führer!

DEUS VULT!

GOTT WILL ES!

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In 1552, the "Caesar" of Jerusalem, the glorious founder of the Imperium and obviously first emprah, finally died of old age. Long live John III, one of the greatest administrators and generals to ever step upon the Holy Land! May he carry on the glory of the Hohenzollern dynasty as the rulers of two Empires with infinite wisdom and grace.

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In February 1554, in the hopes of securing lasting peace, finally, after much failed diplomacy, a royal marriage with the Eastern Roman Empire was secured, which will hopefully ensure Jerusalem won't have to divert their focus from the colonization program to teach these heretics another lesson.

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The last thing Jerusalem needs to improve their scientific progress is for every wise man to be accused of HERESY!

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Because of how stability is fleeting, to facilitate the improvement of the same measures were passed to reduce the burden of ruling over such a vast empire. The mid 16th Century was for Jerusalem a time of peace and progress, and the second Emperor never faced more than the same old hordes of traitors, heretics and heathens butthurt about Jerusalem ruling over their lands and rebelling.

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Long live Emperor Amalric IV! He is better for what he is.

After over a decade of efforts and gathering of brave pioneers, there was but one step left, and as soon as their ruling became more sophisticated again, it would be done.

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In 1557, Jerusalem, after their land forces achieved glory after glory, now realized their future was over the seas as well, and thus gradually there would be a move towards a balanced treatment of both army and navy, with neither side being favored, as in this new colonial age, both will be equally important.

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One year later, Jerusalem would once again reaffirm their stance that best offense is defense, specially for a technologically backwards military. Let them come, if they dare to defy Jerusalem.

During the same year, the decline of Eastern Rome was formalized:

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For is there a greater sign of decline than to lose a war against Georgians?

Some lewd rumors claim an individual known as Glyphwright masturbated seven times nonstop upon hearing the news of the victory of Georgia against the Roman Empire, then cried because he would rather have a wife than his hand.

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However, all the diplomacy done to prevent Rome from seeking war against Jerusalem has been proved not only futile in face of the Georgian victories, but also bad for Jerusalem who decided to sacrifice prestige over fighting in this pointless conflict. And by doing such, certainly gained the hostility of Rome again. Yet the truth is that due to Rome's superior technology diplomacy is by and far the best way to ensure the prosperity of the Imperium.

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Protestant missionaries begin to spread their view of Christianity to the depths of once heathen lands. Hopefully they will be successful, although the Reformation has become nothing, grinded into dust, and at this moment there is no region of the world with a protestant majority, or any country that embraced the reformation in any significant manner. Nevertheless, despite nominally Catholic, Jerusalem has printed the first German and Arabic versions of the Bible in this century, regardless of the Church's views on such an act.

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Amalric IV however never was a man of much social talent. Despite quite good administratively and a good leader of soldiers, he has again and again proven himself awkward, oblivious at times to social etiquette and even apparently unable to gather the basics of human interaction. He was obsessed with military strategy to a point he wanted to define every minutiae of the Jerusalemite armies himself, and had some eccentric habits as well. Were he born a few centuries in the future, he would be called aspergers and shitpost in Internet forums, but right now he is the EMPRAH, even if his faults can temporarily hurt Jerusalem, they shouldn't cut down on the status of the Empire.

And most importantly, soon the preparations to support explorers of the seas and land to map the world would be finished.

The Colonial Age is at its dawn.
 

marooned

Liturgist
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
313
A good read as always, Brother Cassidy.

Can't wait to see the colonization goodness.
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
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Hussariam hastarum frangent Aegyptus et Parthia: Traditores delenda est.

A song about a certain Lithuanian

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Beheading people for promoting progress is more of a heathen pasttime. Of course the emperor puts wisdom above such brutality only arab farm animals feel at ease with.

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Then, in 1564 the miaphysite heretics have shown they never learn. They will be crushed and this time they will pay a much higher price than before for such arrogance! How can they dare to be so devoid of honor, so devoid of everything that separates a man from a farm animal and subhuman sandnigger, to backstab the Empire that allowed them to survive in the first place?

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And as if the ungrateful scum of Egypt wasn't enough, inside traitors also made their move, and for the sake of ensuring continued stability, the Emperor had no choice, being called on the matter just as he led the crusaders against the heretics and deeply disappointed by such decadent nobility showing off again how devoid of honor they are.

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Let them come with their firearms, let them come with cannons. Let them come with anything, but they cannot win because no matter how many new guns they got, they don't have God, and they don't have Hussars being a bunch of towelheads obviously undeserving of such glory. And thus once again they shall see the consequences of their arrogance, this time even greater than before.

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DEUS VULT!

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Their armies were again annihilated, their land taken, their defeat total. This time Jerusalem could get away with a heavier punishment against these heretics.

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By the end of August of 1566, every inch of Egypt was seized by the Imperium, it was time now to make demands that would teach them a real lesson. Obviously the forced conversion didn't work and they are still HERESY! by and large.

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Thus they were forced to cede Delta and Asyut, not because they were particularly valuable, but mostly to show them what happens to those who dare to defy an Empire under God.

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Shortly after the situation at the borders grow tense, but unfortunately the infamy acquired from the recent war and the truce make any attempt to seize an opportunity of using such tensions to crush even more Egypt pointless. For the rest of 1567 there was peace and prosperity.

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Then in 1568, the once again restablished Timurid Khanate thought it could defy Jerusalem and after decades of worsening relations the inevitable has begun. Two vast land empires, once allies but now foes, because cleary there can be only one Empire over the Middle East. With this, the Emperor, personally leading the crusaders, knew what had to be done. They made the greatest mistake of their Khanate's history and they will soon see why.

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Amalric spoke of how the sandniggers should be genocided publicly, and this didn't help at all with the reputation of the Empire. No matter, the Timurids will have their deserved fate soon.

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A radical change happened to the crusaders. Finally muskets were introduced to Jerusalem and all would soon be given the new firearms. These new musketman formations would have an important role in supporting the Hussars of the Empire, which were marching to meet the Timurid hordes, now besieging Iraq and many other border provinces of the Imperium.

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The Emprah personally led the charge of the Hussars ahead of all other forces, for despite knowing their cavalry would be outnumbered, they didn't flinch, and fought valiantly, disrupting the heathens for the Musketeers to finish the job later. The enemy cavarly vastly outnumbered the Hussars and yet took devastating losses upon battle, because the age of Mongols is gone, and they apparently didn't get it that their primitive existence is not conductive to progress and evolution necessary to become a true Empire.

timurids we kill the khan. timurids return to your precious mongolia.

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After the devastating victory at Iraq, the Hussars and musketeers crushed the near entirety of the Hordes like skulls of goats. Victory now is only a matter of time for the sieges to be concluded.

DEUS VULT!

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There are some very wealthy lands over Persia, and now that their arrogance brought them to this, certainly these lands will be better off as part of the glorious Imperium.

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The Musketeers of Jerusalem have no fear, assaulting the heathen forts with courage and strength, no matter how many fall, there are always more ready to continue fighting the good fight.

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One target in particular was greatly sought: the trading city of Fars would give much prosperity to the Empire. But the heathens would need to suffer a crushing defeat before they were to accept giving up something as valuable as a center of trade. The war carried on, heathen fort after fort falling to Jerusalem, until something not related to this war would become the final step towards the new age:

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A new national ideal in the search for the New World, for even while Jerusalem emerged triumphant in war, the exploration of the Atlantic would begin now. New institutions were being established for the goal of training men for the daunting and long task of exploring the entire world and uncovering all its riches. Expeditions would soon begin and the Conquistatori and Explorers shall chart through seas and land in the name of the Imperium.

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Another horde tried, but now it was too late for them, they have already lost.

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DEUS VULT!

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In 1572, with the fall of Hormuz, the Empire finally have conquered enough fo the heathen lands to achieve their objectives.

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And thus the Imperium has gained far more valuable land than the shitholes they donated to Guyenne, and most importantly, secured a center of trade for themselves. Now, with peace again, the time was ripe to focus all attentions of the Empire towards the coming expedition to the New World. What wonders await the Imperium, how much of it is already colonized by others and how large could this New World be? Soon these question will be answered as the Ordo Conquistator is concluding the training of its first members, and in a few months, the expedition towards the uncharted waters of the Atlantic Ocean and beyond shall begin.
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
But I must ask: why do you want to colonize America instead of conquering India and the Far East?

What is stopping Jerusalem from doing both?

I dedicate this update to The Brazilian Slaughter. I already spoiled to him why.

===============

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Expeditiones: Conquirator ex Jerusalem

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To further weaken the hordes, arab patriots were funded to seize Basra, deemed worthless by Jerusalem because of its ppoor stink nature and lots of hovels meaning it will probably not even pay off the increased stability and research costs were it to be conquered.

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In August 1573, two thousand brave men were called, led by the first graduate of the Ordo Conquirator, Fulk Melissinos to embark upon the greatest journey ever in the history of Jerusalem: a journey to the New World. What wonders and dangers await?

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Their transports would be protected by the small Classis Exploratoris, a flotilla led by the first great explorer of Jerusalem: the French navigator Hugues de Lhery, who proved himself during the first training courses towards this important task. Until land was found, the men of Ordo Conquirator would have many days waiting while in travel over the seas and through uncertainty.

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Near the Christmas of 1573, the first signs of a new land were found after a long jounrey over the Atlantic. Their mission was coming to a conclusion. The Conquirators were ordered to explore the shores and check whether or not this land was ripe for colonization. They would have one hell of a surprise.

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This is why this update is dedicated to The Brazilian Slaughter... or should I say The Georgian Slaughter?

:M

Looks like this part of the New World is at its initial stages of colonization by the most unlikely of the existing powers. Who could imagine that Georgia would reach this far. Thus the flotilla went south, hoping to find empty lands.

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Further down, they located unclaimed lands inhabited only by very primitive peoples. This couldn't be better, if only the Canaries were already a core province of Jerusalem to allow the immediate colonization of such lands. But because it will take two decades for that to happen, instead the Explorer decides it is time to uncover something closer, and thus they head back to Africa, undergoing repairs at the Canaries to then explore the west African coast southwards.

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They found a perfect territory for a try at colonization proper. Completely devoid of human life, Trarza would be the most likely project to succeed for Jerusalem, and even then, the odds were not that great.

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Nobody Expects the End of the Crusader Inquisition!

In September of 1574, finally Jerusalem took the final step to look towards a future of progress and evolution, by wiping an instution that has long outlasted its utility to the Imperium. With every relevant province already having a majority of Christians and the matter of critical important speeding up advance is, the Inquisition became a burden, and finally, after much effort, it has been completely eradicated. Meanwhile, the exploration of Africa continued.

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By October, the Ordo Conquistator was suddenly surprised as they landed on the Grain Coast, when suddenly legions of wild "men" of black skin, drenched in blood, wielding spears and machetes, charged at them without any kind of provocation.

History would record this as the first contact of the Empire with a particularly inferior kind of being somewhere between a man and an ape: the NIGGER. And the way such contact happened would pave centuries of future relationship between the two peoples, as clearly such wild niggers cannot deserve any place than slavery, and so it shall be, lest the Congoid buttsex apocalypse happens.

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Over 140:1 casualty ratio is what happens when the excellently trained Conquiratores of Jerusalem are put to a fight against a horde of wild niggers with spears and machetes outnumbering them at over 2:1.

Over four thousand less niggers in the world.

:incline:

After Trarza was relatively safe, the rest of the nigger animals cowed hiding, the journey continued down south.

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Over there other niggers lied. Arguably more "civilized" than those who met their deserved fate at Grain Coast, but the signs of their savagery and animal nature were too obvious. What separated the "civilized" Mali from the rest was irrelevant in the eyes of Jerusalemite Explorers. Meanwhile, despite the low odds, the colony of Trarza was successfully establish, becoming thus the first colony of Jerusalem.

The Empire continued to prosper during the later quarter of the century, but little they knew of how precarious their situation was no matter how powerful Jerusalem seemed.

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Because the old enemies have decided that they wanted Aleppo. Let them drown in their own blood, for regardless of superior technology, Jerusalem shall win!

DEUS VULT!

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Over the Canary Islands came good news in face of the very difficult war ahead. Now there was no province left in the empire, other than those recently conquered from the Timurids, where the religion of "peace" was a majority. Aware of the major superiority of the heretical legions, Immediately after the declaration of war new units were being trained, in the hopes that superior numbers could overcome the technological gap between the two forces.

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Marching towards Beirut, this new army hoped to face the Romans together with the other army in a way that would crush them.

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It was in April 1576 that the first major decisive battle has begun, and this time Jeursalem would really need God's blessing. For no matter what, they shall give no inch of land to the heretic!

DEUS VULT!
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
Time for a new page.

By the way I got a save game in Mare Apertum (the MMP2 improvement done by copx) with a Sweden that managed to unite all Scandinavia, occupying all of Norway, Iceland and Denmark, while also seizing, thanks to an alliance with Muscovy, all Finno-Ugric provinces from Novgorod. Obviously all this map painting got them a huge infamy, so I released most of the conquests as puppets to be retaken once the circumstances(and the horrible administrative efficiency in particular) were to get better. Also, I edited the save to add cores for Finland over the all provinces of the Finno-Ugric culture group: Karelia proper minus Olonets(because it was already too full of Russians to be worth), all of Finland, Lappland and Estonia, and then of course released the Grand Duchy of Finland as a vassal to prevent Sweden from being dogpiled in badboy wars.

Which of course means that once this LP is finished, Finland will be a new poll option in the next Let's Play.

As for the 40k doomstack, trust me: the technological disadvantage of Jerusalem is so severe compared to the Roman Empire they actually are under the risk of losing the battle despite their numerical superiority. This is a ridiculously tough war, no matter how big Jerusalem currently is.
 

marooned

Liturgist
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
313
Georgia, seriously? What are the European powers doing?

Good luck with Rome. Looks like your neighbors are prone to backstabbing issues.
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
I love how Jerusalem, despite ruled by the von Hohenzollern dynasty, is very

: x

in this alternate history.
==========================

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Defendite Hierusalem! Vincite Roma et Traditores! Abante!

Glory for Potato

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Being now a powerful rival of the decadent Roman Empire, the Kingdom of Georgia has provided indirect support for Jerusalem just as the decisive Battle of Jerusalem carried on. Were Jerusalem to fall, the consequences would be not only bad, but disastrous, they cannot be allowed to win this fight! The Romans were outnumbered but they had a massive advantage in technology and a vast force of cavalry. The Hussars charged bravely against the enemy cavalry, despite being outnumbered by it, while the dozens of thousands of musketeers of the Imperial Guard boldly advanced to relieve the siege.

Not only they had more cavalry and better weaponry, but their training, tactics and coordination of units was superior as well, and thus the blood was shed again for the Holy Land, and even in spite of their numerical superiority, the defenders suffered heavy losses, but they never gave up, and through overwhelming mass supported by the bravery of the Crusader Hussars they gradually gained ground, and continued fighting no matter how many of them have fallen to the cannons and superior weaponry of the enemies, no matter how entire formations were crushed and slaughtered, they would show to Rome they could revert the tides of this war.

One of the most important decrees of the Emperor during this conflict was the institution of the Imperial Commissariat to oversee the morale of the armies of the Imperium of Jerusalem and have no mercy for defeatists, deserters, cowards, traitors and HERESY! *BLAM*

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(Are they supposed to have machineguns?)

In the end, the Battle of Jerusalem in the year of the lord 1576 was an incredibly costly victory, but not yet pyrrhic, for if the retreating armies of Rome could be routed, then the casualty figures would turn up against them. It was a show of the ultimate sacrifice that over ten thousand men gave their lives for the Empire, for Jerusalem. During the final stages of the battle, the Romans thought they were actually winning this battle, thinking that no army would ever refuse to rout and retreat, but this was not any army, this is the Imperial Guard, and only in death does end to the Emperor end. Drowning the morale of the superiorly equipped Roman legions over their own bodies, their hussars charging bravely even after half of them fell, they eventually broke the will of the legions to fight despite their vast advantages in all but numbers. The numbers of casualties resulted from *BLAM* of deserters are fortunately negligible. Immediately, the Imperial Guard and the Imperial Hussars marched forward to crush the retreating legions, for if they are completely wiped out, then this will be a great victory, no matter how many patriots must die for Imperium.

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Over twenty thousand heretics wiped out, this devastating loss for Rome has greatly bolstered the morale of the men in spite of the both numerically and technologically superior legion they had to fight against, and now there was a growing hope Jerusalem can emerge unscathed from this war.

DEUS VULT!

With the help of the Georgian subsidies, the army of the Empire is undergoing further expansion.

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TRAITORS! TRAITORS! HERESY! *BLAM*

Once the Romans are raping their women, burning all they have and crucifying they, they should remember they could have done something to stop the Roman Empire instead of being despicable heretics and traitorous enough to ambush and entire force of Hussars marching to defend their own land. No worries though, that won't happen although for such traitors, a very deserving fate awaits once the war with Rome is over.

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Marching to battle, Amalric IV died when his horse fell and he went down head first into a rock a mole popped out of place when digging up. Or to put it briefly, the emperor was killed by popamole. Long Live kingcomrade IV! May the new emprah be ready for the daunting challenge ahead of putting an end to Roman aggression no matter the costs.

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Then, while the new units were rallying to disrupt the devastating Roman advance through Syria, the Egyptian scum have shown they never learn. They will pay for this! If only infamy was low enough they'd pay very highly for being such dishonorable and ungrateful dregs.

Hammah and Aleppo have fallen, and now the city of Damascus was under siege by another Roman Legion as vast as the one that once besieged Jerusalem. Despite their loss of dozens of thousands, they have more than enough reserves and themes, even if the complete slaughter of an entire legion didn't help with the morale of their decadent army and home support for the war. Thus the Imperial Hussars, now numbered fifteen thousand thanks to the generous temporary support of Georgia that made funding such a massive cavalry possible, and the Imperial Guard, advanced together to break the siege of Damascus, and they would win, no matter how many of them fall, they will win!

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Thirteen thousand better equipped Roman companion cavalries were part of the siege together with about the same number of infantry. Led by the Hussars, the counter-attack has begun under the leadership of the skilled general Henry Le Tellier, who masterfully coordinate the musketeers to fire in the most effective manner possible as their human wave advanced without regard to anything other than victory, no matter how many must make the ultimate sacrifice for it. Henry Le Tellier would have achieved far more if only the technology of Jerusalem was better, but his skills were decisive in offsetting the advantage of the heretical Rome, as was the unrelenting bravery of the Hussars, who inflicted devastating losses against them.

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The casualties were still unfavorable for Jerusalem, but this time the battle was far less imbalanced regarding losses, thanks to the crushing impact of the Hussar charge against the Roman soldiers, who had several of their units driven into retreat after witnessing the immense Crusader army fighting in perfect coordination. What the brave Jerusalemite crusaders lacked in technology they have more than made up in determination to achieve victory. Once this army is routed, then the casualties would be much greater for Rome.

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DEUS VULT!

Yet, despite all these two decisive victories at Jerusalem and Damascus, the Imperium knew their chances were not good, while they wished for peace to improve their economic situation and eventually catch up in their lagging sciences, and thus they hoped that, in a combination of diplomacy and such far less favorable outcome than what the heretics predicted, they could persuade them to peace once all their occupations over Jerusalem were assaulted and retaken, and thus the Imperial Guard, knowing well time was against them, hurried to mass assault Aleppo and Hammah.

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Motivated by their recent victories, they charged without fear and there was no need of a Commissar musket being used against deserters this time, as after only seven days the garrisson finally has fallen in face of the vast numerical superiority of the Imperial Guard. Now they must hurry to Aleppo, there is no time to be lost!

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Just because there is no longer an Inquisition dedicated to exterminating authentic HERESY! this does not mean such traitors will go unpunished. Soon their time will come, specially because they ambushed and slaughtered one thousand hussars unprepared for a fight, which is as treasonous and heretical as it is a display of cowardice of such degree that makes them worse and less human than the most primitive African ape. Once order can be restored they will be made a very nice example of, perhaps not as brutal as the punishments involving skinning of traitors and salting during the reign of those during Sybilla's glorious reign, who the heretical dare to call as the "Blood Queen" and to compare with an obscure Slovak countess named Elizabeth Bathory, but they will get their due fate.

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In April 4th, 1577, the last conquest of the Romans was undone, while the weary armies of Jerusalem prayed, for many has fallen, and Jerusalem had to make such great sacrifices to fight for their sovereignty that now there were no longer fresh reserves ready to replace the fallen, and to make everything worse, the legion besieging Beirut slightly outnumbered the armies at the recently freed Aleppo, for they knew the consequences should Beirut fall any time soon. Well aware of how precarious their situation was, the Emperor and his diplomats called a meeting with the dishonorable Romans to negotiate a peace treaty "favorable" to Rome, but in practice one that will do no harm for Jerusalem in the long term.

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Let them bask in the prestige of "victory" after having over fifty thousand men crushed, over fifty regiments wiped out, for even if they have "conceded defeat" to Rome, there is no question about who won this war despite the official lies every heretical and heathen empire is based upon. Facing an army that strategically outnumbered and was devastatingly superior in technology to theirs, Jerusalem nevertheless emerged unscathed, and thus the sacrifices of countless thousands have not been in vain. Nevar forget these heroes who emerged victorious, against all odds, for it is thanks to them that Jerusalem was not lost during one of her finest hours since the times the Mamluks and Syrians threatened to crush her. Never forget the hussars who charged against numerically superior armies and turned the tide of battles seemingly impossible to win. 05/25 NEVAR FORGET

:salute:

DEUS VULT!

Yet, while the war against Rome was at last over, the war against the traitors and heretics wasn't yet, neither war the war against another Egyptian backstab, and a vast legion of such traitors has recently seized most of the lands conquered from the Timurids, and an equally vast legion of over a dozen thousand heretics and traitors besieged Gaza right now. Let them have their deserving fate!

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Despite numerically superior, those who stand for HERESY! have no morale and no honor, and thus were swiftly defeated.

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A brilliant and brutal mass execution was enacted upon such worthless traitors. It was simple and terrible, an example to all those who dare to betray the Imperium. Underwears and blindfolds of iron were forged, and then while both were red hot, the scum was forced to wear both, painfully burning their eyes, their balls and their dicks for several minutes as their screams echoed through the entire Levant, then they were all thrown into a massive, deep pool filled horse shit, left to agonize there for some more time, and then finally all the shit was set on fire, including those responsible for betraying Jerusalem and instead of fighting for Jerusalem, for their very clay, skipping draft and fighting against her. This symbollic, cruel and merciless execution was more than deserved considering the circumstances.

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The traitors near the border with Egypt were given a bit more leniency: they were immediately thrown into a pool of shit then burned together with the rest of the shit. Let the old and new shit be forever removed from the premises of Jerusalem. After this, such humiliating and symbollic method of execution, despite expensive and not always practical, was finally formalized as a punishment for the most severe crimes like rape, mass murder of innocents, treason and HERESY! with the length of the same and whether or not to include red hot iron underwears and blindfolds depending on its severity.

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No leniency would be given however to the several dozens of thousands of heathens besieging the Persian conquests of the Imperium. They may think they are too numberful to be defeated, but soon they will learn how great of a mistake they have done and wish they were executed the same way the traitors of Gaza were once their sentence begins, from how even more horrible and painful it shall be.

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Due to the threat of defection such masses of traitors presented, Jerusalem finally managed to negotiate a peace treaty with Egypt by the Christmas of 1578. In face of the Christmas traditions and pagan imports(THERE IS NO PAGAN IMPORT *BLAM*), the former inquisitors who devised the "burn the shit" method of execution already devised something even worse.

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And during the next year, the need of being ruthless and cruel to an almost over-the-top way was once again confirmed. NO MERCY FOR TRAITORS.

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They marched forward to crush the most dangerous of all traitors: those who wanted to defect to the heathens. Time for a delayed Christmas Tree.

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Land technology went through further evolution, the Hussars were given portable pistols that will allow them to *BLAM* one heretic while impaling another with their pikes, increasing their flexibility as they adopted part of the Caracole Cavalry tactics, while still retaining their focus on melee. Meanwhile, the colony of Trarza was prospering, even during the war, where it was never affected.

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By July it became clear that Trarza was a shithole devoid of any valuable natural resource. Thus came a simple conclusion about what was the most valuable asset of that province. The niggers may be incredibly dumb and violent, but like pack mules or farm animals, they are strong and can be tamed. Thus Jerusalem took a small part into the growing slave trade over Europe, Africa and Central Asia, although the emperor wisely decreed it was strictly forbidden for those living in the Mainland to employ such slaves, and they were exclusive for working over the colonies. There is no need to have both niggers and sandniggers in the already overtly MULTIKULT Jerusalem.

Eventually, with time recruitment made the Jerusalemite army back to its full strength, although, for economical reasons, many units raised during the war against Rome were disbanded. Now it was the time to purge traitors and heathens from Persia.

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No matter how many, like all traitors, they shall fall.

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While Persia was being cleansed, a merchant asked for support to start up another expedition. The Emperor agreed although right now Jerusalem had to wait for the Canary Islands to become core territories so they could begin their own colony over the New World.

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The Empire, having abolished the Inquisition, always pursued a policy of relative tolerance, which led many Jews to ask for permission to settle over their lands as refugees. The fact it is Jerusalem also had a lot to do with their choice of asking first here than elsewhere.

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Despite their numbers, the heathens are driven into further and further retreat and slaughtered like pigs and dogs, because they hate the two animals for some dumb reasons probably related to how their false prophet resembles both. Good thing Jerusalem did a great job to remove the innocence of Muslims from Aleppo to Aden.

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Christmas wasn't that far away when the traitors were at last defeated, and so it was a better moment than ever to try the new execution method. thousands of these traitors were strung upside down on imported Christmas trees, then their balls were cut off and hanged on the branches because there can't be a Christmas tree without balls, their guts were opened and then their intestines removed and stitched together with each other making for another fine decoration, and finally, each of them was impaled with a red hot poker with a star-shaped hilt, to the last one on the very topside, where the poker went and the star shaped hilt stood above the tree as a finishing touch.

Next time so many traitors show up, a wicked German suggested as well to try an idea called "the human centipede" as a method of slow and horrible execution, but hopefully all this brutality will serve a purpose in scaring the shit out of the shit. If they hate Jerusalem this much, either do nothing about it other than baaw, return to their precious mongolia, or face fates far more worse than death if they dare to act like traitors.

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And thus, in April 1585, all order was restored over Jerusalem, all traitors cruelly and mercilessly given their deserved fate and Jerusalem's first colony was approaching self-sufficiency. Once again vast legions of enemies, both inside and outside, were crushed, and now, as the 16th century ended, Jerusalem was finally set upon this new Colonial Age.

DEUS VULT!
 

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