Gondolin
Arcane
How far behind Rome are you in Land tech?
-
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Inactive Let's Play Europa Universalis III: Jerusalem Sancta
- Thread starter Cassidy
- Start date
Kashmir Slippers
Magister
Is the western Arabian coast worth keeping? Now that you have converted it to Christianity, it might be beneficial to release it as a vassal. It would take a lot of rebels and long marches off of your hands. It might help your tech costs too.
Cassidy
Arcane
This ain't magna mundi.
Blame 80 years before coring, 45% inflation, Muslim shithole provinces and a long history of narrowmindedness for it.
Blame 80 years before coring, 45% inflation, Muslim shithole provinces and a long history of narrowmindedness for it.
TripJack
Hedonist
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Messages
- 5,132
eklektyk
Erudite
Exquisite. 
LusciousPear
Savant
Impale the popamole
newcomer
Learned
- Joined
- May 23, 2012
- Messages
- 919
Less rebel, less headache. Sometimes releasing is much more better than grabbing everything, especially if the released country becomes your ally
I wish I also have that option in CK2
Cassidy
Arcane
India sub Jerusalem
Some Somalian niggers have caused enough trouble already for Jerusalem. Time to send them to Davy Jones' Locker, courtesy of the brave explorers.
Finally, by the beginning of 1586, as the final step to be taken since the gradual dissolution of the INQUISITION, and shocking many, the Emperor approved a law that removed all laws against heretical Christian denominations. Nevertheless, traitors will still get their due as in TRAITORS! *BLAM*
Upon exploring South Africa, Classis Exploratoris detected a very valuable region, one that is definitively worth being colonized, far more than anything they found in the New World so far, and the niggers there are very tame and isolationistic, to make things better.
As the heathens are no longer the majority in the Canaries, a new ambition arises for the Emprah. Fuk the Kwanstain there are richer places to conquer elsewhere.
Thus, the entire fleet of Jerusalem sets sail for a long trip.
In September 1588, after reducing drastically the number of Orthodox heretics through other means than the easier *BLAM*, everything was set to ensure Cyprus would have its culture improved.
Still, the Crusaders are an endangered culture, for there is much to be done yet before they could pull the same over Jerusalem itself and REMOVE KEBAB FROM THE PREMISES.
Scandinavia is at war with the decadent Rome, and they seized the only African colonies from the decadent empire. It will be better for Jerusalem that they lose this war, and better as well if it lasts for a long time. Hopefully they won't make the immense mistake of bringing niggers to Malmo or Stockholm.
It was only in 1590 that at last everything was ready for the conquest of the Indies. Six thousand hussars and six thousand crusaders embarked as everything was being prepared.
Of all potential targets, none was more attractive than the incredibly wealthy and small Pegu, whose most valuable province of Pegu would pay off immediately from its immense wealth of spices, while the other could just be given for free for a local kingdom as it is worthless.
THE SPICE MUST FLOW!
There were like four thousand poorly equipped and unprepared soldiers in Pegu. This will be a cakewalk next to the previous wars Jerusalem faced.
Although many died from overconfidence, as they believed an immediate assault would be successful. Now victory won't take long to happen, and Jerusalem will be the first CULTURALLY European nation(unlike Georgia) to forge a colonial empire over the Indies and acquire access to an immense supply of spices, other than those they already got in Mecca and southern Persia.
Then in May 1591, even as the news of this newest conquest were spreading, a great tragedy struck the empire, but the Emprah, being a hardened man, carried on, even if his coldness and lack of emotional engagement over the death of his own son didn't help much with the infamy.
By the end of the year the conquest was completed.
DEUS VULT!
Why fight more, now that they got one of the wealthiest parts of the Indies for themselves?
And thus Jerusalem simply signed a peace treaty with the allies of this fallen heathen kingdom.
And sold the other less valuable province to a local kingdom that was not involved in the recent conflict, while luckily a new heir came, securing the Hohenzollern dynasty over Jerusalem. Perhaps they should move further and explore more of India, ignoring the undeveloped wilds of Kwa altogether, for a province like Pegu will actually speed up their technological progress, where colonies won't, and they need it.
Some Somalian niggers have caused enough trouble already for Jerusalem. Time to send them to Davy Jones' Locker, courtesy of the brave explorers.
Finally, by the beginning of 1586, as the final step to be taken since the gradual dissolution of the INQUISITION, and shocking many, the Emperor approved a law that removed all laws against heretical Christian denominations. Nevertheless, traitors will still get their due as in TRAITORS! *BLAM*
Upon exploring South Africa, Classis Exploratoris detected a very valuable region, one that is definitively worth being colonized, far more than anything they found in the New World so far, and the niggers there are very tame and isolationistic, to make things better.
As the heathens are no longer the majority in the Canaries, a new ambition arises for the Emprah. Fuk the Kwanstain there are richer places to conquer elsewhere.
Thus, the entire fleet of Jerusalem sets sail for a long trip.
In September 1588, after reducing drastically the number of Orthodox heretics through other means than the easier *BLAM*, everything was set to ensure Cyprus would have its culture improved.
Still, the Crusaders are an endangered culture, for there is much to be done yet before they could pull the same over Jerusalem itself and REMOVE KEBAB FROM THE PREMISES.
Scandinavia is at war with the decadent Rome, and they seized the only African colonies from the decadent empire. It will be better for Jerusalem that they lose this war, and better as well if it lasts for a long time. Hopefully they won't make the immense mistake of bringing niggers to Malmo or Stockholm.
It was only in 1590 that at last everything was ready for the conquest of the Indies. Six thousand hussars and six thousand crusaders embarked as everything was being prepared.
Of all potential targets, none was more attractive than the incredibly wealthy and small Pegu, whose most valuable province of Pegu would pay off immediately from its immense wealth of spices, while the other could just be given for free for a local kingdom as it is worthless.
THE SPICE MUST FLOW!
There were like four thousand poorly equipped and unprepared soldiers in Pegu. This will be a cakewalk next to the previous wars Jerusalem faced.
Although many died from overconfidence, as they believed an immediate assault would be successful. Now victory won't take long to happen, and Jerusalem will be the first CULTURALLY European nation(unlike Georgia) to forge a colonial empire over the Indies and acquire access to an immense supply of spices, other than those they already got in Mecca and southern Persia.
Then in May 1591, even as the news of this newest conquest were spreading, a great tragedy struck the empire, but the Emprah, being a hardened man, carried on, even if his coldness and lack of emotional engagement over the death of his own son didn't help much with the infamy.
By the end of the year the conquest was completed.
DEUS VULT!
Why fight more, now that they got one of the wealthiest parts of the Indies for themselves?
And thus Jerusalem simply signed a peace treaty with the allies of this fallen heathen kingdom.
And sold the other less valuable province to a local kingdom that was not involved in the recent conflict, while luckily a new heir came, securing the Hohenzollern dynasty over Jerusalem. Perhaps they should move further and explore more of India, ignoring the undeveloped wilds of Kwa altogether, for a province like Pegu will actually speed up their technological progress, where colonies won't, and they need it.
Cassidy
Arcane
Because it's a worthless low base tax and fish producing province. Next target is over Southeast Asia is Makassar, which is not only rich, but also a center of trade and an one-province minor. Jerusalem seriously need to get a higher average income per province, and then a bankrupcy, years of peace and a level 6 master of mint.
jonnypolen
Liturgist
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2007
- Messages
- 271
Fixed for accuracy.
Gondolin
Arcane
The Emprah wants moar updates.
Kashmir Slippers
Magister
Did something ever evolve from your Protestant sympathies, or did you chose to stay Catholic?
Cassidy
Arcane
The Emprah will *BLAM* everyone for HERESY! if a page 9 doesn't happen after this update.
===============================
Plus India, plus Nihonia, plus heretica, plus aurum ex Africa
Imperium of Jerusalem Theme: Diem Ex Dei
Pegu is vastly wealthy, even with a massive lack of local support for the Empire, its income already is substantial, and for Jerusalem, this looks a much better place to expand upon than the New World right now, and thus a new journey of discovery begins to map the entirety of the East Indies and of Asia until the very end of the continent.
More butthurt towelheads and heretics. The Emperor's reaction to such accusations is as deep as their relevance.
Upon exploring the Indies, another primitive but wealthy civilization in need of salvation is found: Makassar. Not only they are heathen, but they have fallen to Heathen HERESY! as well, meaning that Jerusalem is definitively doing them a favor soon.
In the same island where Makassar lies are several really primitive tribes and more potential wealth of the kind not seen so far in the parts of the New World charted by Jerusalem.
Due to how they currently have no armies, no allies and just one thousand heretical heathens(even worse than plain heathens, of course) besieging without success their city, it is decided that the Conquirator Hussars are more than enough to secure the island as the newest asset of the Imperium over the Indies.
Another textbook easy victory. Now a long siege will begin.
DEUS VULT!
Through contact with other civilizations the wealthiest piece of the New World so far is detected. Grao Para could serve well as the first Jerusalem colony over there, but right now all the focus is over the East Indies.
In January 2nd, 1593, the continued expedition of the Classis Exploratoris discovered a chain of vastly populated islands over the Far East, and after some diplomacy, they convinced the locals to allow them to disembark and moor their vessels in Okinawa. Japan thus was discovered by Jerusalem, and from this first contact trade was established between the two civilizations, and firearms were highly coveted items by the Japanese. Unlike most heathens so far who were, with a few exceptions like Makassar, durka durka towelheads, these people had a different heathen faith with a more mystical practices free of warlike dogmas like jihads and of the typical savagery and dumbfuckery of shitslam. Which means converting them would be more difficult of course because shitty religions are easier to destroy.
Weathered due to the long trip, they decided to start a tour over Japan after the Emperor of Japan and the Shogun authorized their request. More contact is established with this foreign culture and way of life, as with time it comes the realization these islands were not always united, but recently a victorious local equivalent of a feudal lord managed to unite Japan. Obviously, although Japan is quite rich, defying such a populous nation is borderline suicidal and foolish, thus will never be done.
Jerusalem was the first CULTURALLY European country to discover Japan, and that 2nd of January will thus enter History forever. The tour of the Classis Exploratoris is charting most of the Japanese Islands, and once done will proceed further north, to discover the northern end of the Asian continent.
In June, finally a major breakthrough in tactics. A critical one that will reduce the gap between them and the heretical forces of Rome and Georgia, while making the conquest of the savage heathens even more trivial than before. While during the initial introduction of muskets pikes were still quite common and even outnumbered the earlier firearm, now firearms are becoming the most common infantry weapons with blades serving only as sidearms.
While the siege of Makassar and the tour over Japan continued, in a very unexpected way, the wild and heathen niggers of Mali declared a Jihad against the Imperium. How foolish. They will get their due reward soon.
Because this will be very convenient, because they got something that the Imperium and every civilization always covets, and they will have it taken from them. The sour taste of the depletion of the gold mines in Sus will be gone soon.
The small contingent in Arguin, after a military access treaty signed with Scandinavia, retreats into the now Scandinavian colony to the north, because the machete rape gangs would soon outnumber them to such a degree they wouldn't manage to win. The Fleet of Jerusalem moves to gather reinforcements with that Scandinavian colony as a rally point.
The captain feels that the end of the continent is about to be located as the Classis Exploratories navigates through the treacherous cold waters near the Arctic, ever wary of icebergs and of what could be a prisoner of ice unknown by them. They are making good progress, and once done they will then head to southeast Asia to continue charting the unknown.
A ten thousand strong army embarked on Classis Hierusalem towards a long journey to put the nigger muslims in their place, because really, the only thing worse than a muslim for the average crusader is a NIGGER MUSLIM, and soon they will meet their fate.
In 1594, they arrived, and prepared to crush the wild subhumans besieging Trarza while the fleet sailed north to engage their ramshackle logs called a "fleet".
By the end of January in the same year, finally the "end of Asia" was located, and beyond, only a vast ocean which was believed to eventually reach into the New World like the Atlantic. Eventually, once there was time for such, an attempt to travel all across the world from west to east would be done, and the fact the Earth is not flat but spherical was more than known by the Imperium at this point.
The nigger inferiority was proven over the Battle of the Canaries, and soon their pathetic fleet will meet the same fate of such invaders.
Did you ever see a successful nigger swimmer at the Olympics? Did you ever see a successful nigger pirate or sailor?
I guess not.
[/kodex kool kredit]
DEUS VULT!
I think the casualty numbers speak for themselves. Afterwards, it was a complete curmbstomp and unchallenged victory for Jerusalem that would humiliate the wild apes.
And then there would be peace again, if only...
TIMURIDS RETURN TO YOUR PRECIOUS MONGOLIA
Assaults are launched immediately. The ramshackle excuses for "fortifications" of the niggers fell quickly, and they continued losing. This had to be finished soon however, because another legion of heathens marched upon the Holy Land, and there were many of them and few ready to defend it.
And because that was not good enough, some dicks decided to attempt framing the Emperor for an alleged heathen cult within the Court. It all ended with lots of *BLAM*, but the stability of the Imperium was harmed.
In September, finally the long siege of Makassar was over, and the new Jewel in the crown of the Empire would thus happen.
DEUS VULT!
Nine thousand of the Imperial Guard, surrounded by heathens, boldly charged one of their forces besieging Fars.
The Canaries are finally recognized as rightfully belonging to Jerusalem. This means of course that now Jerusalem can effectively begin the colonization of the New World as soon as they find it desirable.
The brave fighters of the Imperial Guard wiped out nine thousand heathens, but now a larger heathen force advanced against them, and thus they were resolute to fight to the end.
They "lost" the battle, but the enemy suffered devastating casualties, although now all was in vain, for their legions were all around the Imperial Guard, and vastly outnumbered them as they retreated towards a heroic last stand in Fars.
Even in face of their immense horde, and knowing they stood no chances of victory, they fought bravely. Of course, those who didn't got their due fate as cowards and deserters *BLAM*
More heathens band together against the Empire of Heaven, let them all burn in the eternal fire for they shall all be crushed!
Eventually, Jerusalem utterly crushed Mali, but they unfortunately couldn't take all of their gold right now because of infamy. Instead they took half of their gold and demanded for them to release another insignificant nigger land just for the sake of weakening them.
fukc the heathens we are rich we have gold now because of tupac
Thus ten thousand embark to the daunty goal of stopping the advance of a legion of heathens who total number is near or greater than one hundred thousand, and they will win, because:
DEUS VULT!
It is time to teach the heathens a lesson that will ensure they will never dare again to defy the will of the Imperium. They have done such for too long, their mere existence is an insult to the emperor, and soon their delusional "victory" will become something they will cry about as they wither. These "jihads" make it very clear: there will be no peace for Jerusalem until Islam is eradicated from the entire world! DEATH TO ISLAM!
DEUS VULT!
Gondolin
Arcane
A siege of 43593 days? :D
A mere 119½ years. 
[EDIT] Did they have leap years back then? If yes, those weren't taken into account.
[EDIT] Did they have leap years back then? If yes, those weren't taken into account.
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