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In Progress LP Big World BGT

Storyfag

Perfidious Pole
Patron
Joined
Feb 17, 2011
Messages
15,894
Location
Stealth Orbital Nuke Control Centre
Truth be told, if you *really* hate Bone Hill (and I see why you would), skip the remaining stuff when you reach Chapter 7.

Your suffering is entertaining to read though.
 

CappenVarra

phase-based phantasmist
Patron
Joined
Mar 14, 2011
Messages
2,912
Location
Ardamai
oh boy

can i suggest cutting future updates to 1/5th of this, up to 1/3rd the most? i'm afraid my poor brian can only take so much derp at once

oi m8 hottest take here maybe you should put the bait in glassware and pottery so the rats don’t fockin eat it woah spiciest mama mia mega mind blown 100 finger pointing boom
my thoughts exactly :lol:

Turned out some thieves from Garrotten had moved into town and setup shop down in the sewers
"garrotten" jesus motor-oil-sanctified denton on a pogo stick :lol: do they garrotte all visitors or is all of their ga famously rotten? questions questions

All of its voice clips are ripped from Planescape: Torment, specifically Ignus’ soundset.
wow, much original, such modding skills i tremble in awe... no, wait: it's a prelude to throwing up

South a ways, this hilariously out of place weapon rack contains
K8Xi250.png
ahaha nigga they literally ripped the Staff of Lazarus from Diablo ahaha
23_ArchbishopLazarus_1.png

i heard you like real-time-with-pause your mind will be blown by this stolen asset from real-time-without-pause :lol:

In fact, he fed us some of the falsest information in the entire mod. He was so unhelpful, his unhelpfulness reached an incompetence critical mass and a part of me is screaming for eternity on the brink of his Uselessness Event Horizon’s time dilation.
i feel for you dude; have you considered drinking heavily? works for me approximately 100% of the time

Glorious Hand
:nocountryforshitposters:
the Hand of Glory will not have it's name butchered on my watch... hey: butchered, perhaps they'll rip the Butcher assets from D1 and insert them in the mod next?

PFFFFHAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY CHRIST ON A CROSS YOU GUYS THIS IS SO FUNNY AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY YET
at this point, it would not surprise me the mod "author" was inserting his RL daughter-from-another-father, that's nothing compared to other shit we've seen
 
Last edited:

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Dropping in real quick to point out that I've fixed all the NPC soundset videos in the old updates that wound up broken because Streamable is a piece of shit that doesn't understand the meaning of "long term hosting." Also touched up some of the older ones that were just me recording the game and replaced them with h i g h f i d e l i t y rips of the source audio, straight from the game data.

And since I'm here...

oh boy

can i suggest cutting future updates to 1/5th of this, up to 1/3rd the most? i'm afraid my poor brian can only take so much derp at once

I've mainly been setting them around this length as consolation for the time it takes me to actually deliver, but I'll keep you in mind.

i feel for you dude; have you considered drinking heavily? works for me approximately 100% of the time

Would that I could. Alcohol doesn't react well to my brain medicine. Or... The other way around. Whatever, you get the picture.

at this point, it would not surprise me the mod "author" was inserting his RL daughter-from-another-father, that's nothing compared to other shit we've seen

Not to spoil the surprise, but it's really less funny in a "this is weird and disgusting" way and more funny in a "this is hilarious when you contextualize it in the metanarrative" way. But now that you've brought it up, I'm going to have to go digging around to see what I can find about the dev because you've made me curious. And that's a dangerous state of mind.

Truth be told, if you *really* hate Bone Hill (and I see why you would), skip the remaining stuff when you reach Chapter 7.

Your suffering is entertaining to read though.

My only thought is to entertain you, but if these are the only bits of feedback I'm left with when the time comes, I might flip a coin. Or actually set up a proper poll. Fuck if I know.
 
Self-Ejected

Kazuki

Self-Ejected
Joined
Aug 11, 2014
Messages
850
Location
Indofood
While it amusing watching this LP on Original Baldurs Gate, it will be more fun if you play it on Baldurs Gate 1+ 2 Enchanced Edition with EE Mod Install Tool.

It's BGT but for EE and suffice to say when i try to install and playing it with the recommended compilation it's the most funniest game i've ever play.

If you think Saerilth is worse you have never seen Sandrah yet.
 

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Your proposition is mildly tempting, but as an original edition purist, I've weighed my options and I don't really see the new EE content as anything that can't be covered in a bonus update. Else aside, I'm already familiar with most of Big World's bullshit, and it'd just be a miserable experience for everyone if I had to go back and re-record all the footage and teach myself an entirely new set of mod idiocy curveballs to anticipate.

TL;DR I was on the fence about whether or not I should cover Siege of Dragonspear once BG1 is over, but now I'm going to do it, just for you.
 
Self-Ejected

Kazuki

Self-Ejected
Joined
Aug 11, 2014
Messages
850
Location
Indofood

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Big World Edition already broke Original Edition Purist rule but okay

Principally I agree, semantically it's still technically the original engine without EE's added fluff or altered cutscenes. Also I think there are some mods in my load order that haven't been properly ported to EE yet, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, this is a high-skub topic that's really kind of beyond the scope of this thread. Sandrah's on my hit list, that's the big takeaway here. Also, since I usually like to post here with content and I don't really have an update ready, here are some high quality rips of the maps from The Secret of Bone Hill, or at least the ones I couldn't reliably identify as full-on recyclejobs from the base game.

As has been pointed out several times in this thread, Bone Hill played fast and loose with assets from other isometric games. Most of the time, it didn't work. Provided here are high quality rips of the most grievously offensive maps and some of their adjacent cousins, so as to best represent this flagrant misuse of spritework.

RESTENFORD:
d1nVqCS.gif


RESTENFORD, CASTLE OF THE BARON:
YrOS9hC.jpg


CATLE OF THE BARON, 1F:
vvSyGKq.png


CASTLE OF THE BARON, 2F:
LhspL1X.png


SIR BILLYBOB'S FARM:
MfkH3Dx.jpg


RESTENFORD, BURNT OUT GUARD HOUSE:
nhJcXcR.png


BURNT OUT GUARD HOUSE 1F:
uavGyef.png


BURNT OUT GUARDHOUSE B1:
7JIlkZz.png


RESTENFORD, TEMPLE OF PHAULKON:
FujhwoB.gif


TEMPLE OF PHAULKON, INTERIOR:
S39bj1u.png


TEMPLE OF PHAULKON, GRAVEYARD:
ZxTaVlo.png


BONE HILL PROPER, CAVERNS:
5jI8rlQ.png
 

d1r

Busin 0 Wizardry Alternative Neo fanatic
Patron
Joined
Nov 6, 2011
Messages
3,576
Location
Germany
Yeah. That's BG1 and BG2 big mods for you.

Complete recycling of every bg1 map asset out there. Can't really blame them though, creating maps for Baldurs Gate is like drawing a painting, and this takes a huuuuge amount of time. Still, a huge turn off, and a reason to stay away from the big BG quest mods.
 

Strange Fellow

Peculiar
Patron
Joined
Jun 21, 2018
Messages
4,013
Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag.
Oh hey, looks like I missed some updates while imprisoned for wrongthink. Very surprised you still haven't given up, but as long as this LP lives, keep it coming :avatard:

He was so unhelpful, his unhelpfulness reached an incompetence critical mass and a part of me is screaming for eternity on the brink of his Uselessness Event Horizon’s time dilation.
:lol:
 

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Quick update on the state of things since I've been off the grid for a bit, Big World fucking murdered my computer. I've spent the last two weeks trying to fix it, and while I think I've narrowed down the issue, there's no way to be super sure, so I've jammed my Windows hard drive into a secondary machine I had lying around the house which isn't really an ideal setup.

QsCtfsV.jpg

TL;DR, Update 11 is about a quarter written, but I'm not going to be able to deliver it by the end of October. I've been delivering a bare minimum monthly schedule, but this time life actually got in the way instead of me just being a lollygagging asshole, and frankly I'm a little pissed about it. Expect a real update within the next week, and I fucking mean it this time.

In the mean time,
since I don't want to leave you without some jollies, here's a very poorly thought out marketing strategy. Have a merry Halloweener

 
Last edited:

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Ah, you're here. Good. We've got a problem. A big one. The controller chip for my LP delivery system has given up the ghost! I can't make another one, and my workflow is too complicated for a workaround. Simply put, I'm running out of sanity. No sanity, no LP. This is crucial to our survival.

This is where I'd have put the contents of the last post, but this update wound up taking just a bit too long to write, and I had to tell you guys something. The important takeaways are that I have a replacement computer coming in the mail (I'd have continued fixing the primary machine, but I have other shit that needed to get done yesterday) and the screenshots for this update are going to look just a bit worse than usual because this temporary machine can't do 1080p. So, uh, apologies in advance?

fUfx3Ii.png


Oh, right. The game. Last time, we returned to Realmspace from the soggy, polyp-infested bowels of Gygax's brainchild.

You might recall our companion, Gavin, who didn't return with us. He was adamant about stopping by the temple to get an assignment from his superior, but obviously that didn't pan out. It's only fair that we do so in his stead.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: We don't require any assistance at the moment.
xzgZvZL.png
: Then I will bid you farewell. Before you leave, know that there is a madman by the name of Bassilus who roams the wilderness killing any innocents that happen along his path. If you were to... dispose of him and bring back his holy symbol, there is a large reward offered. It is a grisly task, but sometimes there is little choice.

Yes, you read that correctly. Gavin was repeatedly pestering us about a vanilla quest. I still can't decide if I should fault the mod for being unimaginative, or praise it for trying to blend in with the vanilla game. And no, the quest doesn't change if you have Gavin with you.

EZgjY2v.png


Time to cash in some of our spoils of war. In spite of all the money we blew on enchanted crap back in Bone Hill, we still have just enough cash for this insanity.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Sounds like a worthwhile offer.
avkUHlZ.png
: Then consider it done. I'll have it done within moments... I have a mold of armor that is just in need of special material for its padding... There, all done!

This nets us

Wyvern's Scale said:
6nvyg87.png
: This armor was crafted for Archwizard Hank by Taerom Fuiruim, reknowned blacksmith of Beregost. Fashioned from the hide of a dead wyvern, the armor is as cumbersome as scalemail but provides the protection of magical platemail and imbues the wearer with resistance against certain poisons.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: 2
Saving Throws: +5 bonus vs. death
Poison Resistance: +25%
Dexterity Penalty: -5%
Speed Factor Penalty: +3
Physical Resistance Bonuse: +15%
Arcane Casting Time Penalty: +2
Stealth Penalty: -50%
Weight: 20
Not usable by:
Bard
Monk
Druid
Mage
Thief

I've mainly been keeping this cuirass on the backburner in favor of the more AC-heavy items we've found in previous updates, but after rereading the description I'm thinking of possibly bringing it back if only for the poison resistance.

Of course, we're not done with Taerom quite yet.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: I have this piece of iron ore, which I believe is tainted. It is the cause of the iron crisis along the Sword Coast.
QlquGX7.png
: The order of the prerecorded footage and common logic dictates we haven't seen this dialogue yet, but I still feel like we've been through this somehow.
avkUHlZ.png
: Pass it here. Hmm. Strange indeed. The iron has certainly been tainted with some compound. I don't suppose you have any clue what that might have been?
OVANUSQ.png
: As a matter of fact, yes. I have this vial here which I found in the same mine as the ore.
avkUHlZ.png
: Ah, excellent. But it is beyond my abilities to examine this. Take it to Thalantyr. He should have no trouble in discerning its properties. In the meantime, I will see what I can do to counteract the properties of this ore. I should be able to reduce the effects of the compound.
OVANUSQ.png
: I have already taken a sample to Thalantyr, and he agreed to examine it.
avkUHlZ.png
: Then I will contact him and discover what he has found. You have my thanks for bringing this to my attention.

This nets us 750 XP.

5Ne4mHX.png


Still screwing around and tying up minor loose ends before getting back on the plot train. If I recall correctly, I promised to take a look at Bentley Mirrorshade if I ever stopped by the Friendly Arm again.

gaZwl1H.png


His inventory is mostly unremarkable, though he does have his own personal brew.

JMjBSYh.png


Keep this exchange in mind. It's all dreary vanilla game jazz we're already familiar with, but it'll come back to haunt us.

FFYmlBm.png


Just nearby is this rotund peddler of unusable goods. Keep him in the back of your mind too, because he'll also come up later.

2BfbUb0.png


Great Galloping Ghosts of Galipoli, it's the plot! Did you think we'd be back with it? Because for a while, I didn't!

wKu8q22.png


That's right kids, it's the Bandit Camp. And it only took us three pages and the better part of a year.

EJQyjGZ.png


Yeah, there's just not much to say here, I was still on autopilot from Bone Hill when I recorded this. On my honor, the combat will be a lot more interesting once we're done with this area.

m9nwIo3.png


This roided-up group of assclowns is down where Tazok would be if you somehow found a way into the camp without Tranzig's map.

g9iOw3p.png


We've walked away from this whole experience with several thousand GP in bandit scalps and low-tier equipment, by the by.

bL8d9F0.png


Even on full autopilot maximum cheapness copout mode, this fight is annoying.

Fy7OhTH.png


Chiefly because of this. Confusion can eat my dick.

In a bag by the entrance to the tent is the

Ring of Dwarven Bone said:
4QCSVaq.png
: These rings are commonly found among one of the more twisted orcish clans in the north. Orc shamans would gather dwarven remains, take some bone, and carve a ring out of it. They then enchanted it with darker magics that would grant its wearer a boon of strength.

STATISTICS:

+1 to Strength

Not Usable By:
Good Characters
Wizard Slayer

Not bad to keep around, but its alignment restriction limits its use.

QQsE50F.png


Remind me to invest more in trap detection.

Jkii7Fi.png


We're very nearly done with the main quest, but there's so much more insanity to cover in BG1 it makes me dizzy.

l8C0b4L.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: What are you talking about? The letter said they wanted me dead.
UlqdIjr.png
: It said "a band of mercenaries." That could be anyone. Or do you think you're the only enemy these people have made? The Nashkel mines I can understand. We get paid, we get praised, and now that the coast has good ore again, I can stop looking for an enchanted nail file. But...
OVANUSQ.png
: You use a nail file?
UlqdIjr.png
: ...well, yeah, I do rough work. Lot of wear and tear. Ever had to scratch an itch with a ragged nail? It hurts.
OVANUSQ.png
: You use a nail file.
UlqdIjr.png
: Look, don't change the subject. This is a hidden base. Nobody knows about the place, nobody's offering us anything to investigate. All we're looking at is a pat on the back. What's the point?
OVANUSQ.png
: The point is to kill everyone and loot the place.
QlquGX7.png
: Understatement of the century. We're currently carrying somewhere between an arsenal or a bonded warehouse's worth of equipment, and almost all of it is vendor trash.
UlqdIjr.png
: Anyone worth assassinating will have something to swipe. That doesn't mean you don't charge for the job.
OVANUSQ.png
: Who are we supposed to be charging?
UlqdIjr.png
: Here's what to do. Let the Fist catch wind of it and wait for the call. "Brave adventurers needed to investigate hidden Cloakwood base." Oh, look at that, we're way ahead of you and my, look at the size of your purse. In the meantime, we find ourselves some good old ruins and have a treasure hunt.
OVANUSQ.png
: *You* want to go on a treasure hunt?
UlqdIjr.png
: Well...no. I assumed you would. That's why I suggested it. Not that I'm saying I wouldn't go. Already threw my lot in. Might as well.

eacZDJd.png


Time to blow this low-rent hot dog stand.

ws0fI4t.png


It's roughly at this point in the game that the Shitty Portrait Assassins come back with a vengeance. Almost every area we've already visited by now will have assassins placed at the entrance. These goons are at the Friendly Arm.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Whoa what's this about me being a killer of innocents?
KE7YQeV.png
: Do not feign ignorance lout! You raided a village and killed all who lived there. Who knows what else you have done in your evil ways.
QlquGX7.png
: Hey now, I haven't even been to Gullykin yet. Don't give me ideas.
OVANUSQ.png
: That is wrong. I never raided a village or killed anyone. You must have me confused with the someone else.
KE7YQeV.png
: Enough of your lies. You are beyond redemption in the Light. Come my friends justice will be swift and final!

We probably could have taken on Najara here legitimately at this point in the game, but again, autopilot. This was half an hour after finishing Bone Hill and I could barely form coherent thoughts.

DIbsOD7.png


For what it's worth, if we had, it wouldn't have been an easy fight. Najara is flanked by two "Guards" that can cast mid-level priest spells and some guy named Valius. The guards are equipped with generic armor and weapons that range between +2 and +3. Najara and Valius drop some of the most useful items in all of Big World BG1, chiefly

Najara's Plate Mail +3 said:
RZLbHxI.png
: This is Najara's personal armor.

STATISTICS:

Special:
+1 to strength
Armor Class: 0
Dexterity Penalty: -10%
Speed Factor Penalty: +3
Physical Resistance Bonus: +15%
Arcane Casting Time Penalty: +3
Stealth Penalty: -60%
Weight: 18
Not Usable By:
Evil alignments
Bard
Druid
Mage
Thief

and
Small Shield +5 Divinity said:
gH6B1Dl.png
Small Shield +5 "Divinity":
An eerie glow emits from this shield that is nothing but divine. Evil creatures can not even pick it up no matter how strong they are.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class Bonus: 6
Arcane Casting Time Penalty: +1
Stealth Penalty: -10%
Weight: 3
Not Usable By:
Evil alignments
Bard
Druid
Mage
Thief

and
Helm of the Flame said:
VLFT4FC.png
: Helm of the Flame, "Emberwilde's Helm" This is the helm of the rouge Phoenix guard Emberwilde. Once the commander of the guard itself he abandoned his position when seduced by the lure of riches and fame.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: +1 bonus
Constitution: +2 bonus
Special: Protects Against Critical Hits
Weight: 2
Not Usable By:
Mage
Bard
Thief

(Also, while equipped, the color channels on your character are overridden to red and yellow.)

as well as a Full Plate Mail +1 because the crown of "strongest armor in the game" no longer means anything. Also, I haven't really been keeping track of the bounty notices dropped by the Portrait Assassins because they aren't very interesting, but they're all modded and explicitly use "cancelling" as a code phrase for "killing" for reasons beyond the ken of mortals. Here's the notice dropped by Najara, as it's the most interesting one.

Scroll said:
j29DA4V.png
: BOUNTY NOTICE

Najara:

A bounty has been placed upon the head of Archwizard Hank, the foster child of Gorion.

Archwizard Hank has laid waste to a village, leaving none alive, including women and children.

Archwizard Hank and the bandits that follow, are to be cancelled immediately.

P.W.

The idea of the Iron Throne having to hire traditionally virtuous types out of desperation is an interesting concept and I'll give props to the mod for timing the encounter right after we smashed the Bandit Camp, one of the Iron Throne's biggest sources of swords for hire, but the encounter is still pretty broken.

And now, that magical time has come. That incredible, post-Update 10, new recording footage time. It's time for

JOURNAL CLEANUP

Before we move any further with the plot, it's time to tie up some loose ends, or at least set some of the gears in motion for the tying thereof.

guRgKot.png


The head priest at the Temple offered to enhance Ben Stiller's flail, but we don't actually have his flail to enhance. Let's take care of that.

qj7mR5e.png


As a bonus, we can kill two birds with one stone here.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Then I hope this will help for me. I found this letter south of here, and would like to deliver it. Do you know where Mirianne lives?
NSXp0bX.png
: This may help, but if I were you I'd keep a low profile nonetheless. Mirianne lives in a house just north of master Thunderhammer's shop, you can't miss it.
OVANUSQ.png
: Thanks.
QlquGX7.png
: End dialogue. Reset. You know the drill.
OVANUSQ.png
: Do you still have Will's flail?
NSXp0bX.png
: Certainly... But to take it out of pledge you have to pay. 1000 gp plus interest for default.
OVANUSQ.png
: Here you are, take it out.
NSXp0bX.png
: With pleasure, I don't need it.

This grants us

Will's Battle Flail said:
GBCT96O.png
: The flail is a sturdy wooden handle attached to an iron rod, a wooden rod with spikes, or a spiked iron ball. Between the handle and its implement is either a hinge or chain link. The weapon has been enhanced magically, effectively forming a bond between the weapon and its wielder.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 1D8
THAC0: +1
Special:
When Will wields his flail, his is able to
create 5 poisoned bullets
Damage type: crushing and piercing
Weight: 10
Speed factor: 8
Proficiency Type: Flail
Type: 1-handed
Requires: 13 Strength
Usable Only By:
Will

While we're at it, we also buy

Meraera's Dagger +2 said:
6Pg1L6V.png
: An elven scholar-mage of the Olin Gisiae ("secret keepers") enchanted this dagger. She bound it with the essense of a minor demon and charged it to return to its thrower. Arcane runes wind around the hilt, but whatever meaning they possess is a well-guarded secret, like so much of Olin Gisir lore.

STATISTICS:

Combat abilities:
– Returns to the wielder's hand when thrown
– 1 extra attack per round

THAC0: +2
Damage: 1d6+2 (1d6+2 melee)
Damage type: missile (piercing)
Speed Factor: 1
Proficiency Type: Dagger
Type: One-handed
Requires:
4 Strength
Weight: 3

Not Usable By:
Cleric

from the bartender, because we can never have enough rebounding throwing daggers, as well as

Guril Berries said:
zTj7DdS.png
: Guril Berries are traditional remedies in Faerun, and are used for various applications. They are especially popular to alleviate sufferings of the special type, which is why these berries are often offered by stores in vicinity to courtesans.

which we'll need shortly.

0JBHKaf.png


Might as well turn this in since we're in the area. Unfortunately nothing particularly interesting or modded happens here.

juCM7EA.png


But, the vanilla reward of a Ring of Protection allows us to forge this nonsense.

Dialogue said:
avkUHlZ.png
: "The Eyes of Truth", as others would call it. Fine equipment of modest protection. You say you are looking to enhance it? I believe it is possible, but I would need several more items. A Ring of Princes, an opal, and, 5,000 gold to shoulder the cost of labor.
OVANUSQ.png
: I am agreeable to that. Here is a Black Opal, the ring you have asked for, and the Helm.
avkUHlZ.png
: All right, everything seems to be in place. Let us begin the work!

This grants us the

Watcher's Helm said:
Wnsmxc5.png
: It is unclear if these magic headpieces were created by clerics of Helm, god of guardians, or if they acquired their name by a more convenient circumstance. Whatever the case, they are highly prized by guards and sentries. Needless to say, bandits have also taken to wearing them, proving the old proverb that 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander'.

This helmet has been enhanced by the blacksmith of Beregost, Taerom Thunderhammer.

STATISTICS:

Equipped Abilities:
Immunity to blindness & deafness
THAC0 +1 bonus
Armor Class Bonus: 1
Protects Against Critical Hits
Weight: 3
Not Usable By:
Bard
Mage
Monk
Thief
Kensai

An all around step up from the lowly Helm of Infravision, though not quite as broken as the Helm of the Flame.

d8KIUi0.png


One last stop while we're still in Beregost proper. You might recall our German friend from earlier in the LP, and you might also recall that I've never properly gone through his mod's questline. We've picked up the pure iron he wanted, so let's see what the unflinching wisdom of the Machine Translator has in store for us this time.

Dialogue said:
HHzZQwf.png
: I'm supposed to have a rabid goblin bite my ass! Archwizard Hank, I didn't expect you here.
QlquGX7.png
: What
OVANUSQ.png
: You're not in the best mood, are you? What's going on here?
QlquGX7.png
: I was flying by the seat of my pants with these dialogue options. Option 2 translates roughly to "Nice to see you too, Breagar." and emanates a sardonic tone that resonates with me a bit more.
HHzZQwf.png
: What's going on here? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? THAT CURSED IRON IS LOST! BARASHNARZABURLAH! One should work with it! Pah! I don't laugh!
avkUHlZ.png
: I can't do magic either, Breagar! Either you take what I have here ...
HHzZQwf.png
: ... Damn filth that crumbles under your fingers ...
avkUHlZ.png
: Or you go out and find your iron yourself!
HHzZQwf.png
: Pah! If you're not careful, I'll do it too and leave you alone with your crap!
avkUHlZ.png
: Go ahead!
HHzZQwf.png
: Just keep going!
avkUHlZ.png
: Get away!
HHzZQwf.png
: Just watch out!
OVANUSQ.png
: We have solved the mystery of the Nashkel mines.
HHzZQwf.png
: And did you survive? Did you ... did you find iron too?
QlquGX7.png
: I'd mock the idiocy of "did you survive" but I don't know how accurate of a translation that is.
OVANUSQ.png
: We actually have that. Looks!
HHzZQwf.png
: Have you thought about it, Archwizard Hank? 100 gold pieces!
OVANUSQ.png
: 200 and no gold piece less!
HHzZQwf.png
: 100.
QlquGX7.png
: We could keep bargaining, but we can't raise the price any higher than an extra 100 and we make more on selling off mundane vendor trash.
OVANUSQ.png
: Well, it's 100 gold pieces.
QlquGX7.png
: What a defeatist attitude.
HHzZQwf.png
: By Moradin's hammer! You know how to grasp an opportunity! Here, my hand on it! I'm very busy, Archwizard Hank. Thanks for your help with this.

This nets us a paltry 300XP and an updated journal, even though the previous entries didn't properly display.

f0xe30i.png


Braegar/Breagar also permanently locks himself in a "smithing" animation.

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Let's converse with our magical sword while we're here.

q8HmdZp.png


The sword is only capable of responding with things Ignus said in voice clips.

Dialogue said:
UlqdIjr.png
: What kind of sword are you?
cQt0gGE.png
: Yes. (*laughs*)
UlqdIjr.png
: What does that mean?
cQt0gGE.png
: The flames hunger for the blistering of flesh.
UlqdIjr.png
: You must be a cursed sword.
cQt0gGE.png
: I am yours til death comes for us both.
UlqdIjr.png
: How thrilling.
cQt0gGE.png
: Yes, my master.

It's Bone Hill content, so it's not like I expected a truly elucidating conversation.

zSvjJfa.png


We're done with the Smithy for the moment. I figured I'd stop by the Jovial Juggler while I was here to try and cash in my bandit scalps, but Officer Val was nowhere to be seen.

9WcJ0KT.png


Coming here wasn't a total waste, though. For one thing, there's Gurke, whose quest I've maybe completed a grand total of two times because combing the Cloakwood for tasloi isn't exactly my idea of fun. But I'll do it this time around, just for you.

YjVc3gB.png


And then there's this lunacy.

Dialogue said:
DhZjKvP.png
: (Before you say a word, he smiles mysteriously, as if he knows your intent, and speaks in a low drawl.) Curiosity killed the cat! (Surprised, you take a few steps back, your hand rushing to your weapon.) Relax, friend. (He drinks a wine glass, with a calm smile on his face)I too was an adventurer once... perhaps I was referring to my own curiosity? (You realize your reaction may have been a bit too dramatic, even you are surprised. Other patrons in the inn are nervously watching you. You looked at him again, from the contours of his appearance, he seems to be a half-elf, he seems to wear no armor, you only see two blades around his waist for protection, he does not seem to be a threat.)
OVANUSQ.png
: I apologize... you startled me.
DhZjKvP.png
: Come! Some drinks to ease the tension, my treat! Bartender! Mugs of your sweetest mead for my new friends!
OVANUSQ.png
: My thanks! Who are you?
DhZjKvP.png
: Ha! Jumping straight to my life history, eh? Maybe should conduct interviews, write things down, no?
QlquGX7.png
: No, definitely not.
DhZjKvP.png
: I don't suppose you have any paper? You should cultivate the habit! Well, simply put, I was an adventurer, like you I expect, with many tales to tell from many places... again like you I'm sure. However, that life is behind me now, I now own an inn... not in this neighborhood of course!He mischievously winks at the bartender). As a innkeeper, I wish to provide beverages both local and exotic, and this is the reason I that has brought me here.
OVANUSQ.png
: So...
(You try to say something, but he interrupts you.)
QlquGX7.png
: This is the only option.
DhZjKvP.png
: I know adventurers are always looking for quests and all. Is that why you are here? I mean I have nothing to share in the way of news or rumor, I have little interest in what happens here. What you will get from me, are little quests... well... not all the way to quests, more like tasks. As I mentioned before, I'm here looking for beverages, but this place has become fairly lawless, and travellers such as myself are... welcomed by robbers! Ha ha ha!
So, if you are willing, I qould like you to help me buy or find some brew, I'll pay you enough, and supply you with a few special brews I've collected. I also collect magic items. I cannot sell you any yet, but if you have unwanted items, you can sell them to me, I will acquire them for a fair price. Perhaps one day, if our business relationship has blossomed into somthing more, you can also buy from me, but let me say I am very reluctant to let go of my collection, so prices will be high. Now that's over with. Everything clear? Anything else I can do for you?
OVANUSQ.png
: I'd like to see if you have something to buy, I might also have some items to sell.
DhZjKvP.png
: I will offer high prices for your wares, but to buy what I have, you will have to pay high prices as well.

tDByqSc.png


The Traveler sells slapdash-quality direct ports of all the quickslot "use on command" items from Planescape: Torment. All the Cranium Rat stuff, Clot charms and Bone trash. Shit you'd find in that game either for free as mob loot or for reasonable prices at a merchant, and none of the ported versions for sale here at the Traveler have been beefed up in any way to make them worth the stupid high prices he commands. I haven't tested whether or not he'll actually buy stuff for higher prices than other merchants, so the true extent of the space he's wasting on my hard drive and your brain cells remains to be seen.

nSOIGHE.png


I really need to replay the unmodded game, because I can't even remember if this guy is modded or not. Its been too long.

I'm going to do it, I've tracked down a copy of BGEE specifically so I can do Siege of Dragonspear for the thread, but also so I can refresh my memory on just what the hell was and wasn't a thing. Too much is blurring.

Also, can somebody please tell Lilura that the word she's looking for is "Definitive?" I finally got caught up on that in-joke a couple months ago and that's really been bugging me. Like, I get where she's coming from, but she'd save herself a lot of grief if she just switched to "definitive."

So yes, I'll try to make my BGEE experience as definitive as possible, in spite of the fact that my desk literally has no room for an oldstyle LCD monitor even if I wanted it to.

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Oh right, the game.

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Next up on the chopping block, the Archeological Dig.

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The hell...?

Dialogue said:
kzbumPF.png
: Boo says it looks like Dynaheir's handwriting! My witch will make sense of it in no time!
ZWf2eUT.png
: Witch? Well, my enthusiastic friend, you are welcome to keep the parchment. If you have a learned scholar, perhaps they could take a look at this. It might be important and shed light on some intrigue.
kzbumPF.png
: Dynaheir! Look! We have found writing!
0O3ttcv.png
: *squeak*
wBa5IxV.png
: Minsc, where didst thou find this parchment, torn from mine journal?
kzbumPF.png
: With this dark looking elf! Boo says he is a great warrior...
QlquGX7.png
:
uBWBw4V.png
Well shit, I guess we're dealing with this quest too. Also, I've probably minged about this already, but the mods never seem to agree on how to characterize Minsc. He wobbles somewhere between "literal child" and "better ranger than Aragorn." Granted, the vanilla game wasn't exactly consistent with these things either, but it was never quite so obvious.
ZWf2eUT.png
: Ah, I see that you are a Hathran scholar. Perhaps you can help me.
wBa5IxV.png
: I have the solution to thy puzzle, good elf. This page was torn from mine journal. I was a captive of gnolls for a time, and they have stolen it from me. Hast thou found but one page?
ZWf2eUT.png
: Just one, m'lady.
QlquGX7.png
: :mlady:
ZWf2eUT.png
: But the presence of one page is the indication that the whole journal might be nearby or carried off by someone of their number who escaped.
wBa5IxV.png
: Archwizard Hank, 'tis quite important to recover the journal.
OVANUSQ.png
: Of course, let us give the thieves a chase!
ZWf2eUT.png
: Archwizard Hank, I will gladly help, as you have helped me earlier. I was going to patrol hereabouts, regardless. We can search the area quickly enough, if we split forces. What say you?
OVANUSQ.png
: Sounds like a good plan! Let's do it!
ZWf2eUT.png
: Well met! Let us convene here after a day of searching.

Drizzt gives us the

Torn Parchment said:
j29DA4V.png
: Page

This piece of parchment is torn along one edge, as if ripped from a larger book. The surface is covered in fine, spidery writing which seems to change shape even as you look.

There is no discernable pattern, rhyme, or reason to the symbols, although they do not appear to be magical.

This looks to be important. You should probably keep it on your person.

08DanJT.png


And after a few minutes, these goons show up.

Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: Stay thy hand, Archwizard Hank. I do not see malice in these creature's eyes.
kzbumPF.png
: Gnolls! Minsc hates Gnolls! Right, Boo? They took Dynaheir!
wBa5IxV.png
: Stand easy, Minsc. Archwizard Hank, if thou art willing, allow me to trade a few words with the gnolls.
OVANUSQ.png
: The Old One... Aren't Rashemi male wizards called the Old Ones?
QlquGX7.png
: Wait, what??? There are no male mages in Rashemen. What the fuck are we talking about?
wBa5IxV.png
: Indeed, Archwizard Hank, a Rashemi wizard is called Vremyonni - the Old One, but I know not why a countryman of mine would orchestrate mine demise. 'Tis either a renegade, or the name is but a coincidence.
QlquGX7.png
: https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Vremyonni Okay, apparently this has precedence, but the article only cites three sourcebooks, the Rashemen article contains no mention of them, and there's absolutely no indication that they hold anywhere near the same political power as the Wychlaran. Also looking this up forever stained my brain cells with this heinous bleedover of reality into fantasy. Thanks, Big World.
OVANUSQ.png
: I guess. Well, what does the Old guy want? Does he want to talk to you, or kill you?
vkDh7ed.png
: The witch's book shows us that the killing is wrong!
QlquGX7.png
: ...I mean, on the one hand I guess it's a valid question with many layers of interesting potential for fictional analysis, and on the other hand *why*...
wBa5IxV.png
: Curious. Tell me, my good gnoll, how hath it come to pass that thou and thy companions acquired that conviction?
vkDh7ed.png
: The Old One ordered to find the witch. Hound said - we sooner find her by scent, and all we had was the witch's book. So Hound ordered me to rip it apart and divide between others... I did. Then me and my pack saw the light. Instead of hunting the witch, we came to warn her.
wBa5IxV.png
: 'Tis as I have suspected. A priest of Mystra blessed my journal, Archwizard Hank, and placed a ward on it that any creature of evil disposition would'st turn around for a time in its nature should'st it try to open it without mine permission. Breaking the journal must have made the enchantment more potent as the foursome was affected, and it still did not wear off.
QlquGX7.png
: Who's the real evil here, the Gnolls who steal a simple journal or the maniac who changes the intrinsic fabric of their being as punishment? What can change the nature of a Gnoll?
OVANUSQ.png
: Uhm... well, thank you, gnoll, I suppose. Do you happen to know where we can find Dynaheir's journal? Does the Old One have it?
vkDh7ed.png
: We keep the book - when we find it. Others have it. It showed us the light - maybe it shows the light to others? Or protects us against the Old One?
OVANUSQ.png
: If you have faith in it, the book will help you. Go in peace.
QlquGX7.png
: I'm adding "cargo cult" to Dynaheir's growing list of war crimes. Also we get 2000 XP for this.

LEa8UE4.png


Down here is yet another loose end we've yet to tie up, chiefly

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This quest. I've been breezing past a lot of stuff I know for sure is untouched vanilla content and providing highlights when NPCs have something to say about it, but this is one of those things where either a mod vastly expanded it or I just never completed it properly. I'll let you guys be the judge.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Who is this Brage you speak of?
lDS1OkF.png
: Before this curse befell him, he was Captain of the Guard in Nashkel. I am his cousin, Laryssa. For all the bonds of love and blood, save him from his present agony if there be a way to do so.
XaoOqCY.png
: I pray you left a trail of crumbs to lead us all back again. The others did not, so they have decided to stay. Shall we try to find the way home together? I pose to you a riddle, the answer to which I once knew, but now cannot perceive. Remind me, and we shall all return unto the day. Fail, and stay with me in the dark, forgetting whence we came...

It has neither mouth, nor teeth, yet, it eats its food steadily. It has neither village, nor home, nor hands, nor feet; yet it wanders everywhere. It has neither country, nor means, nor office, nor pen; yet it is ready for fight - always. By day and by night there is wailing about it. It has no breath, yet to all it appears,.
QlquGX7.png
: Unicellular micro-organisms. I can't recall the name off the top of my head, but I remember there was one species in particular that's so prolific that if you supposedly removed every macroscopic organism and structure in the world, you'd wind up with a dense cloud of the damn things. They're in your body right now, breaking down your lunch.
OVANUSQ.png
: Death
XaoOqCY.png
: The end of night, where the light shines unto mine eyes and I can see clearly once again! What hath I wrought!? 'Tis horrible, HORRIBLE! I will welcome the block that must await me at Nashkel! How could I live with what I've done! Please, thy must guide me to the town that I might pay for my crimes! I fear I can keep my senses for only so long, and I must not be allowed to do this again! Too many good people have lost their lives to me! Please...
UlqdIjr.png
: Wait, so all your other victims got that riddle wrong? Hell, you're innocent. They deserved it.
OVANUSQ.png
: We'll see you back safe as we can, though I don't see how killing you will help those that have died. We shall take you to the temple of Helm in hopes that you may be healed.
XaoOqCY.png
: I fear I can do nothing for those I've wronged whether I live or die, and I still know not what led me to this. It's like a foul presence in my mind! I can only imagine that I have finally succumbed to battle fatigue. Take my weapon, that I might not harm another! Use it if thy wish, though I'd rather it be destroyed. Innocent blood on everything! I'd only just acquired the sword. Such a waste this has been. Take me to Nashkel, I can bear this no longer.
QlquGX7.png
: And so, we do just that.
XmpC9tE.png

haENK1P.png
: Calm yourself Brage. Helm sees all that he wishes, and knows much of what you do not. It was your hands indeed that did many a foul deed, but it was not your will alone. Intent is vital, and yours was influenced without your knowledge. Justice will be done, but with atonement, not punishment.
wBa5IxV.png
: Atonement, not punishment... Thou art a wise man, Nalin. As wise as any Othlor in my land. I trust that thou hast learnt a valuable lesson about justice today, Archwizard Hank.
XaoOqCY.png
: But my crimes... my family... I don't want to go on!
NA: If you are returned to the garrison, yours will be the only willful killing that has occurred about this matter. It would be a waste of your life which, fractured though it is, can still contribute much. Helm will see you through. As for our intrepid friends here, I shall exceed the reward offered by Oublek. After all, it was the same task of bringing Brage to justice. The Temple is in your debt for the return of its lost son.

This nets us 1000GP and a journal update regarding "Captain Brage's Curse" which doesn't display under quests.

mUYTejb.png


This guy is loitering over in a dark alcove.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: We have talked to Mrs. Brumstein.
Q6EwwIi.png
: Oh, that good woman. I have led the search for her son.
OVANUSQ.png
: I will continue the search. Can you give me some hints?
QlquGX7.png
: Who the hell goes up to strangers and asks for hints
Q6EwwIi.png
: Aaron and Marina were ambushed near the waterfall in the Cloudpeaks, we know that. And according to the tracks we suspect it was the Gnolls. They pushed Marina down the waterfall, she may have fought back too much. Aaron was taken to the west, as far as I could read from the tracks.
OVANUSQ.png
: Did you notice anything strange?
Q6EwwIi.png
: Listen carefully now, my friends. I'm not in the temple of Helm for nothing. I'm here because I saw something out there. At night, you can see a figure by the waterfall. A bright white shape! I do not know how you treat with something like that, but I choose to pray for divine help before confronting ghosts and undead.
QlquGX7.png
: You'd think that with how normalized the undead and raise dead services have become in Realmspace, it'd actually be scarier if somebody stayed dead. Not a spicy take, I know.
OVANUSQ.png
: Why did you stop the search?
Q6EwwIi.png
: The mountains are large and I only had a handful of farmers with me. Most of them had no experience with the wilderness and wanted to return to their fields. You can imagine how much help they would have been in a fight.
OVANUSQ.png
: Thank you. That's all I need to know.
Q6EwwIi.png
: Go with the blessing of the gods.

Time to ask around about Brage, because why not?

iUgpVkt.png


Dialogue said:
2Se1FVf.png
: Ah, but why did you let him hide in the temple! Priest Nalin already confirmed that he was under no spell when you brought him in. Brage said he gave you his sword - I have to ask you, please go to Nalin and let him prove there is nothing strange about it, so this talk of Brage being innocent deep down can stop at last. I mean, what *else* a man has to do to prove that he's a murderer than the slaughter Brage committed on his own family and comrades?!

xSkCeF3.png


Nalin already established earlier that he knew Brage was under some kind of influence, yet because we talked to Oublek and were compelled to "find more evidence," we can now present him with the Cursed Berserking Sword +3. All of this just adds an extra layer of pointless mystery, leading me to believe a mod tacked it on.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: (Show him the right sword) Here it is.
haENK1P.png
: ...This is cursed. A cursed sword, Brage. This is what was laid into your trustful hands.
XaoOqCY.png
: C... cursed? It was a different evil then, that lead my hands and thoughts to slaughter? Ah, do not raise such faint hope in the heart of a fallen warrior. Not with all the blood on my hands.
QlquGX7.png
: How did we present the sword to Nalin? Did we wrap it in something? I guess the same question could be posed for how we handle any cursed equipment.
haENK1P.png
: 'Faint'?! This, my friend, changes *everything*. 'Tis was not your long years of fighting that turned you cruel and numb against the pain of others. You will have to atone for what you have done, but not for why you have done it. Not if Archwizard Hank succeeds in proving the trickery!

HD079tb.png


Time to talk to Brage.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Brage, what happened that night?
XaoOqCY.png
: Is the talk not full of it already? Didn't you hear it being told in the barracks, in the inns, did not Oublek tell you what I did with these hands? Why would you have me tell you how I butchered my family, my dear wife and daughters... My comrades, coming for my rescue! How I slaughtered and destroyed a whole caravan, with innocent people who barely managed to avoid the bandits on the road? How I even... I even chopped on an already dead man until there was nothing left...
OVANUSQ.png
: Something triggered you going berserk. What do you remember of what happened before?
XaoOqCY.png
: Before? Nothing special happened before. A drunk reported a dead body on the roads. Said that it looked like a merchant, with lots of wares still on him. I... I got intrigued to investigate this. If the corpse indeed was not plundered, then it couldn't be the bandits doing the killing. If it were the merchant I was looking for, I needed to make sure the wares were safe, at least. I ordered a new sword a while back. Iron crisis and all, I waited a long time for a reliable sword from far Waterdeep.
QlquGX7.png
: Goddamn Waterdhavians. It's always Waterdhavians.
XaoOqCY.png
: And indeed, it was the merchant we were waiting for. I went through the merchandise and found a sword, addressed to me. I took it... The rest is a blurr. I remember doing what I did, but why... why I do not know.
QlquGX7.png
: "Blur" is a verb. "Blurr" is a noun and refers to the Autobot who was voiced by the Micromachines guy. Try again.
OVANUSQ.png
: Well, we already know the sword was cursed.
XaoOqCY.png
: Cursed... It doesn't change the horrible memories in my head, nor the deeds I have done.
OVANUSQ.png
: You don't remember anything else? Anything special? Any hint on what happened to that merchant?
XaoOqCY.png
: With all the bandit activities, finding a dead body is nothing special nowadays, unluckily. But seeing the pushkart still full with wares... That indeed was unusual. First I thought it must have been an animal attack. But it was a blade that did this. This merchant was killed by bandits, but they left his wares untouched. Well, they are no longer. First thing I did after picking up that sword was to destroy everything laying on that road... This, my friend, is all I can tell you. Please, leave me be. I need to attone for my sins.
QlquGX7.png
: This isn't getting us anywhere, so we head out.

IckZvug.png


Dialogue said:
lDS1OkF.png
: I... Thank you dearly that you brought him into the temple's protection and not handed him to the authorities. He did all those killings, and for that might have deserved to be hanged. But his mind was clouded. If there is anything I know, then that he was completely out of his mind. The Brage I know is a kind, truthful, loyal man. Never he would raise a weapon against weak or innocent. And most of all, not against his own family. Which brings us to why I am here. I noticed you showed a certain... interest in proving Brage's innocence. You can imagine that this is to my interest, as well. I did a bit of investigation, and indeed found something. I located the drunk whos report about a non-robbed corpse on the roads started the whole ordeal, and through him I identified others who were on the way that night. It seems there was a merchant on the roads - one with a very shady reputation. The man stated he only bought from this merchant because he noticed him at the Nashkel Carnival before. But the scroll he bought was cursed! Knowing that Brage's new sword was cursed, too, this merchant presents himself in a very interesting way. I will try to follow his lead. But it might well be I am wrong, so best you continue with your own investigations. I thank you in Brage's name for your help.

HcuhClX.png


We'll get deeper into this later. Right now we have an archeological dig to investigate, and this whole ordeal has kind of sidetracked us.

UiPgyVs.png


Oh, right. You.

Dialogue said:
ZWf2eUT.png
: A vicious group of gnolls had it. I do not know if it makes more sense to you than to me, but they were claiming fealty to someone they called 'The Old One'. Here is the journal.
QlquGX7.png
: The Cargo Cult gnolls? You bastard! They were innocent!
wBa5IxV.png
: I am most grateful to thee, Drizzt Do'Urden. Allow me to offer thee this scroll as a token of mine gratitude.
QlquGX7.png
: I'm pretty sure she just offers him the Torn Parchment from earlier, but I could be wrong, maybe she gave him something valuable. I don't really care, I'm more concerned about whether or not slaughtering gnolls under the effect of a magical cargo cult alignment shift should count towards making Drizzt a fallen ranger.
ZWf2eUT.png
: I was glad to assist. Fare thee well!

Y'know what? Fuck it. "Aiding and abetting involuntary manslaughter," I'm adding it to the warcrime list. (Gnollslaughter? Whatever.) Drizzt gives us

Dynaheir's Journal said:
vrnlvYI.png
: Hathran Coded Text

This heavy tome is filled with Dynaheir's fine, spidery writing. If you glance over her shoulder, the characters seem to change shape even as you look.

There is no discernable pattern, rhyme, or reason to the symbols, although they do not appear to be magical. Thayvian agents would pay dearly to know the contents...

The journal isn't bound to her inventory in any way, so we can do what we want with it.

ENITNVu.png


Sleepy time.

NtZontI.png


Dialogue said:
41BFapw.png
: You there! State your business, but don't move from where you stand! I don't want to have to sic the boys on you!
OVANUSQ.png
: Stay your wrath, we are just passing through and mean you no harm!
41BFapw.png
: No? Good then. Sorry for the rough greeting, but it has surely been slow digging with bandits harassing us nightly. Charleston Nib, at your service.
OVANUSQ.png
: Well met sir. What exactly is your goal here? You look to be excavating a tomb of sorts.
41BFapw.png
: You are partially right, though it's not a tomb, but an ancient settlement. It is also all that remains of a primitive race long since extinct, and we know little about their culture save that they seem to have destroyed themselves in war. Perhaps today we will learn something more. We are just about to break through into an inner chamber, perhaps the dwelling of the village shaman himself. Mayhaps you could be of assistance to us? We need but keep the camp secure a short while longer. Your very presence would probably dissuade anyone from attacking us, though I do not know the force behind our misfortune. They seem to take great pleasure in minor sabotage and kidnapping, though some of the missing men may have just run off from fear. Nothing is ever stolen, which is odd for bandits, but they must still be the cause. Will you help us?
OVANUSQ.png
: It would be an honor to help you learned people in your quest for knowledge.
41BFapw.png
: Gracious we are! Now we stand a chance of completing the most exciting day of our dig! We're going to try for an entire new room today, possibly the shaman or chieftain quarters! We could find any number of relics within. Move amongst the men as you will, as your presence will no doubt reassure them.

sBC91pR.png


You know what happens next. Or maybe you don't.

Dialogue said:
oCx4djP.png
: First, my name is Gallor. Second, we never had this conversation. I'm the "partner" of that old mister Charleston you met, except I'm none too thrilled about the non-profit aspects of the whole thing. The old man seems to think we should donate all our findings to some museum, whereas I am ever so much more practical. I should think certain people would pay dearly for the magical treasure we are about to unearth, and if they would be so eager, who are we to stand in their way? I would like you to steal the item and "remove" Mr. Nib from my little equation. You up to the task?
QlquGX7.png
: We could do this, but I don't like leaving loose ends.
wBa5IxV.png
: Thou only mention theft in thy dishonest task, but in truth thou would make us murderers of Charleston and his men. Archwizard Hank surely would disagree to committing such atrocity.
QlquGX7.png
: Actually, we've already done the same for less, but let's not give the man ideas.
OVANUSQ.png
: I would have to kill many of the working men if I attacked Charleston. It would be a veritable slaughter, and I want no part of it.
oCx4djP.png
: Blast you! You are playing just as safe as the old man! So be it. I will find other means to acquire a fair measure of profit from this fiasco! Best you continue on whatever errand you be on.

a4g1HiM.png

5DCNSSU.png

plJ0YpG.png


I'm not sure why Charleston's dialogue bugs out once we hit the end of the chamber. He's supposed to be geeking out about how ancient the room is.

Dialogue said:
bt2rgEU.png
: Hey bossman, I don't feel so good. How old is the air in this place?
41BFapw.png
: A good question young man. I would guess that we are the first people to walk this room in nearly five thousand years. The very gods of Netheril would have been young at that time.
bt2rgEU.png
: Is so... is so cold in here... I feel... strange. I hear... I hear a voice... in my head... I hear the hollow voice, but it is but a mumble! Speak up! Speak up and guide mine hands! RAAAAAAAAGH!! You... I see what you are! There is power to be had from your death! Your blood will quiet the voice! BLOOD WILL QUIET!

sGcmhn2.png


The diggers are scarcely a threat.

7H4U83H.png


By the by, if you're playing along (for some reason) and looted the altar before talking to Charleston, now is when he'll take the Idol of Kozah from you and obliterate it from reality forever. So don't do that.

Dialogue said:
41BFapw.png
: It's sad really. I had sought to bring a little life back to a long extinct people, and look what I wrought. Certainly some things are better off remaining dead. Here is your pay for the time you have spent here. Your services are no longer required. Everyone pack up! We are leaving this accursed place!
QlquGX7.png
: this ends the dialogue, but he immediately initiates dialogue with us again.
41BFapw.png
: If you don't mind, I have another quest to offer to you. Near the Firewine Bridge we discovered an entrance to the remaining dungeon part of the city ruins. Unfortunately, there are evil spirits inside, but it shouldn't be too much trouble for you. I want you to go there and clean it out - that would give me the opportunity to begin a new exploration.
OVANUSQ.png
: Sure, we can take them on, no matter what the 'spirits' are.
41BFapw.png
: Thank you. I have the scroll containing the seal that will allow you to get inside. The entrance is protected by a ward, made by my friend, a mage, to keep out any accidental passers by. You know what I mean, now. So take this scroll, you will be able to pass through the entrance unimpeded.

Charleston gives us the

Spell Scroll said:
j29DA4V.png
: Charleston Nib's Scroll
This rolled-up scroll contains a short note about the location of some ruins under the Firewine Bridge. The ruins are locked by an unnamed mage's ward, but the scroll should act as a key with the ability to deactivate any magical wall.

and promptly vanishes from existence, allowing us to loot the Idol of Kozah unhindered.

pMouWQ1.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Speak your gibberish as you will, the end will be the same. Die, you unnatural beast!
6S6Xxz2.png
: Sssstormss shall bring doom to theeee... Idollll so commandsssss... Echlah tuln no osa KOZAH!

YZKujnI.png


The Doomsayer is flanked by two Doomguards, making an otherwise trivial fight slightly annoying.

NneNXHr.png


All of my glitzy weapons hit for beans, but plain old magic missiles hit every time.

fPE4X30.png


This goes on for something like ten minutes.

AkPV3L3.png


Have I mentioned that I've lost somewhere in the range of ten pounds since I started this LP?

I drink, like, three goddamn sodas a day and eat anywhere between "too many sandwiches" and "enough fast food to make shitty youtube cooks stain their underwears" and barely move from my desk, and yet somehow I'm losing weight.

They say you lose something like a third of your body mass shortly after you die. Most academics chalk that up to all the gases and excrement releasing from the body, but some folks suppose there's an unaccountable percentage that comprises what we'd call "the soul." Maybe I'm getting a head start on that.

kqXDJWE.png


Time to bop over here real quick. There's nothing particularly modded or interesting, so I'll give you the briefest of highlights just for completion's sake.

acW7HwR.png


Goons. They're annoying.

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You've seen my cat, you should know I'm not a fan of this side quest.

uL9l3Mi.png


Treehuggers? Treehuggers.

EQ4yLRE.png


Save the trees or something. We kill these two. It's worth a pittance in XPs.

c7mYOqL.png


It's high time we took a trip to the circus, but we'll reserve that for next time.

NEXT TIME:

F02oWYA.gif


And as always, I leave you with more words from our "Sponsors..."

 
Last edited:

CappenVarra

phase-based phantasmist
Patron
Joined
Mar 14, 2011
Messages
2,912
Location
Ardamai
I really need to replay the unmodded game, because I can't even remember if this guy is modded or not. Its been too long.

Bjornin is vanilla dude

and, man, those modded items shown are horrible

did they allow spellcasting in armor, but increase casting time for heavier armors? how is that even remotely non-idiotic?

also, percentage dex penalties - what is this even supposed to mean in AD&D?
 

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
I know what you’re thinking. Yes, you! You, in the rafters, the woodworks, the bombed out husk of Pruitt-Igoe where the dreams of the projects and the souls of so many strong, healthy Chumericans were thermodynamically annihilated like so much meat in the gastrointestinal tract. You’re thinking I’ve betrayed you.

“Where in the nine hells have you been, Archwizard Hank!?” You scream from the burned-out rooftops of Notre Dame, hard as it is for me to hear you with that mask muffling your voice, “don’t you know a wizard is never late???”

And to that I say, goddamnit, you’re right! I am late! It’s the last day of the year, what kind of monthly update am I pulling on you? This is barely December anymore, and it’s long past the point where I could call this a belated Christmas present. I’d also tell you that you’re quoting Tolkien out of context, and the real spirit of Gandalf’s correction is that he arrives whenever he damn well feels like it, but whatever; that’s not really the point of this esoteric narrative. The point is that I’m more than just a wizard - I’m an Archwizard, versed in the sorcerous technomancy of The New, skilled in the hexadecimal weave that perforates our airwaves and clogs our pipelines like a yarn ball made of ethernet cabling. When the Call of the Cables beckons, I answer, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to escape its hellish grasp on my person.

But that’s not what you came here to read. You gathered here under a common banner - a fellowship of our own damn selves - to demand a better Chumerica. My fellow Chumericans, I have a dream. A dream in which no svelte young man shall ever again walk down the street deprived of the sweet taste of a delicious Charleston Chew, a dream in which no blue-blooded Chumerican shall ever again be deficient in Vitamin B12 or Magnesium, a dream in which every household has at least one desktop computer. That dream has a name, and it is Big World!

Bjornin is vanilla dude

and, man, those modded items shown are horrible

did they allow spellcasting in armor, but increase casting time for heavier armors? how is that even remotely non-idiotic?

also, percentage dex penalties - what is this even supposed to mean in AD&D?

Thanks for re-affirming reality. I was leaning towards the correct assumption, but my brain is fucking collapsing in on itself so it’s getting harder and harder to tell.

Arcane casting penalties are somewhat inconsistent. Sometimes armors will work like Jan’s leathers and won’t apply any sort of penalty, sometimes they flat out won’t let you cast *at all,* and sometimes they’ll display the message that spells are disabled but in reality your casting time is just penalized a bit. Or at least that’s how it works from what I remember, I’d have to do some proper testing to be sure. Also I have absolutely no fucking clue what the DEX percentages entail, my best explanation is that some of these armors come from a newer edition sourcebook/splatbook somewhere and the descriptions are copy/paste jobs of the crunch from the book with minimum effort taken to make it sound sensical in the context of BG.

l5Qj6sN.png


Anyway, the circus. You might recall from *way* earlier in the LP that we need to buy a rabbit for an ogre.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Do you sell rabbits? Can we buy one?
Sxq8rX3.png
: Oh, I should warn you, sir. My rabbits are the noblest animals north of Amn and not exactly cheap. The best costs up to 10 pieces of gold!
QlquGX7.png
: This is very obviously meant to be a joke, but with the way Big World trivializes gold, it's less a genuine "haha" and more a bitter, defeated "HAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAAHA FUCK YOU"
OVANUSQ.png
: I think I can still afford that. I'll take one.
Sxq8rX3.png
: An excellent choice, Lord!

This nets us

Rabbit said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.15.10_AM.png
: A little, white rabbit. It is not as fluffy as Jumper, but which rabbit ever could be?

6z9Gphy.png


Just across the way is this guy, peddling similar wares. If the previous guy weren't explicitly named "Rabbit Breeder," I'd be inclined to believe it's a clever red herring tactic on behalf of the mod, but alas, it's likely just two mods with very similar agendas.

You might also remember this guy from the Friendly Arm Inn, though I'd forgive you for forgetting.

Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: Many men have taken great comfort from little things. Is it not so, my dear Minsc?
kzbumPF.png
: Minsc knows that not everyone is as fortunate as him to have a miniature giant hamster as a friend. A normal hamster is better than nothing.
DzkfpVH.png
: Yes, my lovely pets are always an enjoyable sight!
OVANUSQ.png
: Sure, show me your pets.
DzkfpVH.png
: My animals are all healthy and young. Look at the fine fur... No, boy, you stay away from there.
QlquGX7.png
: If you spoke to him in the Friendly Arm, the dialogue would end right here, leaving you unfulfilled and unsolved, wondering what "boy" he's referring to. Now, however, this kid is nearby.
136fLWI.png
: I didn't touch anything! I was only looking!
DzkfpVH.png
: Do you think I am blind? I see your hands reaching for one of the hamsters!
136fLWI.png
: I only want to pet them! They are so sweet...
DzkfpVH.png
: Keep your hands away from there!
136fLWI.png
: I wished mommy would buy me a hamster...
DzkfpVH.png
: Humph. Childish children. Don't own enough money, but want to have one of the pets. I have to fight at least one of them off every second moment! That boy is more persistent than the usual ones, though. Seems he would do a lot for a hamster. Well, no money, no hamster, it's as easy as that. But... What do I see! You took a hamster! You are a thief!
OVANUSQ.png
: I didn't do such a thing, I swear!
DzkfpVH.png
: But here it is! I see it on your bulky Rashemen friend here! Now it went hiding in his clothes!
OVANUSQ.png
: Ah, you mean Minsc's hamster. No, that one is surely not from you.
DzkfpVH.png
: I don't know what this is today. First that stupid boy, and now this. I will go and move my shop to a completely new place! This is the opportunity. I'll go to my friend's farm for a prized rabbit and then it's on to Baldur's Gate! Out of my way!

And with that, he storms off.

hDlQcbb.png


OVANUSQ.png
: Do you have any idea where he went to?
136fLWI.png
: He said something about going North, and how he looks forward to staying in his favorite room in the Friendly Arm Inn for a while. I've never been to the Friendly Arm Inn! My mom won't let me go further than the Belching Dragon.
OVANUSQ.png
: You seem to want to have a hamster pretty much.
136fLWI.png
: Yes, very much. I don't have the money, though. I guess I am off to play then.

What a wretched existence.

dYseQs0.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: What's this all about?
tLnUDfz.png
: She's a witch. She'll use her magics to poison the children of this town. She'll butcher the livestock and she'll seduce the young men, make them her puppets. She must be killed!
OVANUSQ.png
: What are you talking about? Why the prejudice against a magic user? You said it yourself that you're a mage. After all, aren't you going to kill her with your "magic word?" Get a hold of yourself, you idiot.
tLnUDfz.png
: Are you mocking me! No one mocks the great Zordral. You will pay four your insolence!

I'm really just including this exchange because I like it a lot...

o9sBD8a.png


...And also to act as a liminal zone between the exterior of the carnival and this dialogue.

Dialogue said:
kzbumPF.png
: Archwizard Hank, Minsc has noticed...
OVANUSQ.png
: What is it?
kzbumPF.png
: Minsc likes the company, but eight paws are a bit much on Minsc's skin.
OVANUSQ.png
: You have two hamsters now?!
kzbumPF.png
: Heheh... They are chasing each other now.
OVANUSQ.png
: Minsc, this is serious! So we *did* steal a hamster, like the vendor said. We have to give it back!
kzbumPF.png
: Minsc likes this idea. Minsc will show Archwizard Hank the hamster. Here... no, this is Boo. Wait. Here... no, this is also Boo.
OVANUSQ.png
: Minsc, are you sure it's two hamsters?
kzbumPF.png
: The hamster is very good at hiding. Minsc has to put this down... and this...
OVANUSQ.png
: No, Minsc, your armor stays on!
QlquGX7.png
: Dear Loki, NO!!!
kzbumPF.png
: Here it is! See? Now Archwizard Hank can see the hamster. The hamster stays with Minsc until we find the vendorman. Minsc will not give it to anybody else than the vendorman. Boo wouldn't like it.

This nets us

Hamster said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.17.23_AM.png
: This is the hamster from the pet vendor that "stayed" with Minsc, or rather Boo... You have the strong suspicion that it has the opposite sex than Boo, and from what you recall concerning little rodent reproduction frequency having them both together might lead to consequences very soon.

Oh god. I'm not prepared for unforeseen consequences.

YE4LPbR.png


*Ahem,* anyway, this lady is just outside the wizard tent.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Can I help you in any way?
8VLbeiS.png
: Sure, you could give me 1000 gp or so. Haha! Little joke. But I *do* need money. Do you have a job for me? I mean a decent one. Don't you even think about offering me something else! I am a lady of good honor, after all. I mean something like... like... buy you something... cook you a meal... wash your clothes - I mean your spare ones, not the ones you are wearing right now! Don't you even think about taking them off! Or watch your children... You don't have any children, by any chance, no?
OVANUSQ.png
: There is a mother with two little children near the "Belching Dragon," seeking a babysitter.
8VLbeiS.png
: Oh, that's, er, great. Listen, I'm not really looking for a *job* you know. You wouldn't by any chance lend me some money, no?
QlquGX7.png
: I really don't know what the point of any of this is. None of it is logged as a quest, and I don't remember it from the vanilla game, so it all seems like mod gibberish to me. I'm reasonably sure you can't find a babysitter for the woman in Nashkel who clogs the feedback box, not that that won't stop me from looking.
OVANUSQ.png
: I could do that. How much do you need?
8VLbeiS.png
: Oh, just what you want to spare... I don't need it for long.
OVANUSQ.png
: How about 20 GP?
8VLbeiS.png
: Yes, that would be great! I just got gold! Hey, I got some go-old! Ha! Did you see her face? I won. Here you go, your gold back. Thank you for lending it to me!
OVANUSQ.png
: What was that? You barely held it in your hands!
8VLbeiS.png
: I didn't need it longer. I bet with my friend, who is standing over *there*, that a complete stranger would give me money. We bet 2 gp that I would succeed. Now it's mine! it's mine!
QlquGX7.png
: Do I even need to say anything at this point? If you know how money works, you know how dumb this is.
8VLbeiS.png
: Hey, last time we bet she won, so it's only fair. This is a carnival, right? So enjoy yourself!

0wHIz4o.png


Time to have a chat with the sketchy Potions merchant. You know his sales pitch, so I'll save both of us the hassle of a transcription.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: We are looking for a merchant who offers cursed items and potions. He was last seen here at the carnival. Your potions look an awful lot alike, so better talk quickly.
XiXHqWG.png
: What?! How dare you... Ah, but I am wiser than to
provoke such heavily armed people like you. Yes, I bought the
potions from a travelling merchant I hardly know... but that
doesn't make *me* a criminal! My potions aren't cursed,
they're just, well, special. I don't know the man, I swear!
Well, the only thing I can tell you is that he went to the
black lotus tent last time he was here, but whether for his
own joy or to look out for more buyers I can't tell. He left again, though, and went west - I do have sources of my own, especially for such a delicate thing as a business relation. My 'sources' lost his trail somewhere west of town. If ever he'll turn up again, I will tell you, I promise! But for now, please leave my tent. Unless you want to try one of my very special potions, of course. As I already said before, the violet one will make you very, very strong.
QlquGX7.png
: We're going to have to pick up on this quest at a later date.
OVANUSQ.png
: If it does what you say, I'll gladly take it.
QlquGX7.png
: You know how the rest of this exchange goes. We buy both of his potions, because it never hurts to have a quick stat boost in a bind.

yzcy6Av.png

j6wCjj5.png


Dialogue said:
fG6VK6D.png
: Oh... well... you see, I *am* a "pickpocket extraordinaire" and... oh dear... would you please let go of my arm?
kzbumPF.png
: IT'S NOT NICE TO STEAL!
QlquGX7.png
: I haven't really pointed it out until now as up until just recently I've been doing these prerecording sessions with the game audio mostly muted to maintain what few shreds of sanity I have, but the BG1 NPC project overrides all game music with special "NPC themes" whenever they chime in for basically anything, kind of like the romance themes in BG2 except a thousand times more annoying. Minsc's theme is "California Revisited" from Fallout 2, and it sticks out like an amputated thumb, both due to its habit of lingering after he finishes talking and due to it following a radically different composition style.
fG6VK6D.png
: But how am I supposed to make a living? (By Mask, my arm really hurts!) *whimper*
kzbumPF.png
: Ahh, Minsc feels his blood begin to boil. His head begin to swirl. His fury begins to rise. Oh, yes, a most powerful berserker rage engulfs Minsc! AND THEN HE'LL CUT YOU DOWN LIKE A WEED, YOU LITTLE PURSE-CUTTER!!!
fG6VK6D.png
: *gulp* Mask, have mercy on me! I... I... I see the light! I do, I swear! I'll never steal again in my life! Here take it back! Take it *all* back! Now please let me go! Pleeaaaseee!
kzbumPF.png
: Go then, but remember, Boo will tell Minsc if you try something like this again. And Minsc shall come after you!
fG6VK6D.png
: Yes, sir! I swear, sir!... Goodbye, sir!

gAMhU6c.png


This merchant is special. Kind of.

hboWb6O.png


He's yet another vendor of dubiously useful foodstuffs. We can get both

A Bag of Grain said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.18.54_AM.png
: This bag is full of mixed grains with only unedible parts removed. Coarse as it may seem, it can be made into hearty food.

STATISTICS:

Weight: 20

and

A Bag of Turnips said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.20.09_AM.png
: This bag is full of crispy turnips. There are enough to satisfy even an ogre's appetite.

STATISTICS:

Weight: 20

y5tLcnt.png


Just outside the tent of the food merchant is this joinable NPC.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Well met and welcome. We can always use another hand. And some music would indeed be good!
9eNrp1U.png
: You can? Many thanks to ye. I was getting so very tired of this carnival.

Keiria Silverstring leaves a particularly horrible first impression as a mod NPC, and if I didn’t already have a bard, I’d bring her along for the rest of the ride as I’m almost certain she’d have an inane comment for everything we say and do.

Starting off strong, she comes with her own set of special snowflake NPC items which only she can use because she’s just that special. Chiefly, there’s

Keiria Silverstring's Studded Leather Bard Armor +1 said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.21.06_AM.png
: Keiria has maintained close ties to her elven heritage and as a result has been able to obtain a few elven enchanted items by her kin. One of those items is this leather armor. It provides her with good leather +1 protection and allows her the ability to cast spells while being worn.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: 6
Speed Factor Penalty: +1
Physical Resistance Bonus: +5%
Stealth Penalty: -20%
Weight: 15
Usable Only By:
Keiria Silverstring

As well as

Keiria Silverstring’s Light Crossbow of Speed said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.23.54_AM.png
: This light crossbow has no more abilities than a normal Crossbow of Speed. The only difference is its color as Keiria strives always to remain fashionable, even on the battlefield.

STATISTICS:

Damage: +1 (missile)
THAC0: +2 bonus
Special: 1 extra attack per round
Weight: 5
Speed Factor: 1
Proficiency Type: Crossbow
Type: 2-handed

Usable Only By:
Keiria Silverstring

Evidently, the paint is made of unobtainium, because even thinking of touching it is impossible. Of all the special snowflake NPC items, this might be the special-est.

bPnTpCh.png


Keiria’s stats are actually more than overqualified for a Bard. These are stats I wouldn’t mind rolling as base stats on a PC, though maybe as something with a bit more stopping power than a goddamn bard.

Also, you know what a new mod NPC means. A new biography and soundset to gawk at!

Biography of Keiria Silverstring said:
When asked about her past, KEIRIA SILVERSTRING divulges that she comes from a musically talented family. Both her father and mother are long time members of the Harpers. Keiria has gained much of her outlook on life from her parents and their association with the Harpers. She is a very talented songstress and actress. She has appeared in venues from Silverymoon to Athkatla. However, aside from her charming personality, half-elven beauty and long flowing red locks, Keiria is also a very adept fighter and can hold her own in any battle. She even prefers the life of adventuring to life on the stage. She says it makes her feel alive to experience adventure and danger.

I checked to be sure, and yes, this is a very literal interpretation of what it means to be a Harper. There’s a line on the Wiki about “preserving culture and the arts,” but generally speaking they’re not a music society.

Also her soundset is awful or something. Have a listen:



This has some of the best acting we've encountered from a mod NPC so far - so much so that I'm beginning to suspect it's dialogue from another CRPG recorded through a shitty microphone. The biggest thing holding this back is its awful mic quality; it's one of those godawful early/mid-2000s mics with no noise filtering and garbage sound quality, so it creates this constant hiss and makes the actor sound like she's trapped in a tin can.

QLMuQgT.png


At any rate, none of that really matters, because there’s another mod NPC just a few paces away. Yes, really.

0SxYPlg.png


This guy looks a little closer to our speed than an elf bard.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Welcome to ye. Always looking for a good hand at magic!
QlquGX7.png
: Actually, we’ll soon reach a point where we’ll never need a backup spellcaster ever again, but sure whatever.
N9gMBqJ.png
: That’s fine... very fine indeed. I’m a fair hand at magic and I like to tinker a bit. I won’t disappoint ye!

p0ZcFnF.png


Bye, whore

qDI1r60.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: I have no need for your assistance at this time, though I may call upon you in the future.
QlquGX7.png
: We probably won’t.
9eNrp1U.png
: Very well. I shall hang around here for a little while and start writing about our adventures.
QlquGX7.png
:
hVd3T3n.jpg

I dunno guys, I tried. I tried harder than I probably should have.

DG7duyg.png


Right then. Out with the old, in with the older. Skeezer Lumpkin VI has an absolutely insane INT score, but his proficiencies as a thief are left wanting. He more than compensates for this though with the length of his

Biography of Skeezer Lumpkin VI said:
When asked about his past, SKEEZER LUMPKIN the VI reveals he is from the gnome settlement on Krynn, beneath Mount Nevermind. However, for the past 75 years, he has been living in Athkatla in Amn. He has spent his whole life trying to find the perfect combination of technology and magic. He feels this could result in the ultimate tinker creation, though he has yet to achieve this. He has shied away from the normal way of the tinker gnome in search of a greater understanding of magic. His creations so far have resulted in limited success. One of his earliest creations he created when he was a boy was one named “The Automatic (Systematic) Articulated Mop and Spring-Loaded Broom-Driven Pie Tin Flier and Egg Dropper” (or ASAMSLRDPTFFD for short). It would send eggs flying at very high speeds, but had no real purpose. One of Skeezer’s greatest desires in all of Faerun is to see the beautiful skyships. He has heard a great many tales of such ships and wishes nothing more than to see one being presented in Baldur’s Gate.

If you couldn’t tell by now or didn’t read the whole thing, Skeezer is very obviously trying to ape Jan Jansen’s style. Unfortunately, Skeezer can’t hold Jan’s jock, both in terms of usefulness and as an entertaining character.

Here’s his soundset:



The audio quality is par for the course from what we’ve heard by now. It’s very obviously the mod author doing his best “old man” voice, and most of the time it’s just kind of sad and pathetic. Old people don’t have to sound like this, Christopher Lee was pushing 80 when he did The Lord of the Rings and setting him as the soundset for CHARNAME was probably one of the better decisions I’ve made in my life.

And before I forget, Skeezer comes with his own set of special snowflake NPC items:

Skeezer Lumpkin’s Mage Robe said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.26.57_AM.png
: This powerful Mage Robe offers protection from all forms of physical attack while at the same time increasing one’s magical resistance and saving throws.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: 5
Magic Resistance: +5%
Saving Throws: +1 bonus
Weight: 6

Only Usable By:
Skeezer Lumpkin VI

Skeezer Lumpkin’s ‘Dwarven’ War Helmet said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.28.01_AM.png
: Skeezer was given this helmet by his good friend, Gothmog Stonehearth, a dwarven skald of the Stonehearth clan. Skeezer and Gothmog became good friends after Skeezer had saved Gothmog’s life one night. Gothmog was ambushed by a patrol of duergar, who made their way to the surface one moonless night to seek out prey. When Skeezer saw this, he thrust his staff onto the ground, causing the sky to become as bright as any brightly lit midday sky. This of course sent the duergar running. From that day on, Gothmog and Skeezer became close friends, and Gothmog had even become interested in his Gnomish friends magical abilities, and perhaps in secret has tried out a few small spells, knowing of course that his clan would frown upon such activities.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class Bonus: None
Special:
Protects Against Critical Hits
Protects Against all forms of panic and
boosts morale
Intelligence Bonus: +2

Weight: 2

Usable Only By:
Skeezer Lumpkin VI

Skeezer’s Staff of Unpredicability said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.28.54_AM.png
: Skeezer created this staff to aid him in his travels. While in the process of creating it he became distracted and lost track of the enchantments that he had placed on the staff. This resulted in a staff that has a very random effect on anything that Skeezer uses it on.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 1D6 + 3
THAC0: +2
Special: Unknown
Damage type: crushing
Weight: 4
Speed Factor: 4
Proficiency Type: Staff
Type: 2-handed

Usable Only By:
Gnome Magic Users

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In case you were curious, nobody in the Black Lotus tent has any leads as to the whereabouts of our shady merchant.

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And with that, we’re officially done with the Carnival for now, and maybe even forever. Time to head over to this forest real quick.

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We can resolve this peacefully, but Big World rewards senseless slaughter, so there’s little reason to do so when the base game is actively encouraging it by presenting you with an asshat like this.

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That said, they’re huge chumps and hardly worth the effort.

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Dialogue said:
UlqdIjr.png
: Fastest dart thrower on the coast?
TrkH6i4.png
: Damn right. Now-
TKSKTMS.png

UlqdIjr.png
: Second fastest.
QlquGX7.png
: I still can’t decide if Vynd is legitimately the best mod NPC or if I have a terminal case of Stockholm syndrome. All of his dialogue is just some variation of “fuck you” and it’s kind of great
TrkH6i4.png
: You’re in for it now, pal!

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Vax opens the fight poisoned, because Vynd tossed a poison dart.

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He has Zal to back him up, but they both go down in the span of a few seconds. A lot of the fights in the vanilla wilderness are like this - comically easy in comparison to the legions of overbuffed munchkin shit that strides across the surface of Big World like a colossus forged of excrement.


Vax also drops the

Spear +3 Dragon Scepter said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.30.41_AM.png
: Named so because of the dragons ornately carved into the shaft of the spear. Its exact origins remain unknown.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 1D6 + 3
THAC0: +3 bonus
Damage type: piercing
Weight: 5
Speed Factor: 6
Proficiency Type: Spear
Type: 2-handed

Not Usable By:
Cleric
Mage
Thief
Monk
Beast Master

Presumably, we’d have had a harder time with him if we tanked all of his unenchanted darts, which we could have managed easily.

Zal drops a generic +1 Wakizashi and Ninja-To, not terribly noteworthy aside from being BG2 items in BG1.

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In contrast, the fight against these generic motherfuckers goes on for five minutes and goddamnit I hate everything

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This old bastard is loitering in the monster-infested wilderness.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: And who might you be, old man?
aXsQ1gr.png
: Well... well, welcome. I am so happy to see anyone but the undead moving about in the area! I am Ordolath and I take my sabbaticals here. You know, sometimes it’s nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of Baldur’s Gate...
OVANUSQ.png
: That’s all really nice, but what in the nine hells do you want from me?
aXsQ1gr.png
: Nothing special, friend, hehe. It was my poor fortune that made me forget my candle when preparing for this trip. Without my candle I am not able to write in my diary or read my books. The nights here are very dark... You just can’t imagine what that means to such a book-lover like me! So I have an offer to make you. If you will spend a few days to help me and bring me my little wax treasure, I will reward you as best I can! And do not believe the reward will be a poor one! Apart from 2000 gp, I can offer you a precious item that I’m sure you will like... So? Would you help me?
OVANUSQ.png
: Sounds interesting, tell us where can we find your house so we bring you that... candle.
aXsQ1gr.png
: Excellent! From the first time I saw you, you appeared to be trustworthy! My house, young friend, is in the northern part of the Gates, not far from Northern Ward. It is a white house behind the blue mage-tower. You can’t miss it. Well, please hurry. I will be awaiting your return impatiently. See you soon!

1IraHHE.png


Vanilla quest. Yawn.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Have you no parents here to help thee? It’s dangerous to be out alone.
znpwRkx.png
: Parents? Yes, I’m here with some rewatives, but they away for a moment and I’m lost. We are thinking of moving here someday, but I don’t know my way awound yet. I can get home ok, but I just gotta get Rufie back. Please, could you help?
OVANUSQ.png
: Certainly little one, I would be glad to aid you. How will I recognize him?
QlquGX7.png
: We could also attack Albert and kill his demon form for way more XPs than this quest is worth, but... Actually I have no justification for why we aren’t doing that. Why didn’t I do that?
znpwRkx.png
: You will? Oh thank you so vewy much! I just know he’ll be alright now! Poor Rufie isn’t used to strange places an’ people. You’re sure to know him when you see him, cuz he’s just the cutest little thing. Here, take this as well. His favorite chew-toy it is. He’ll know you’re a friend if you have it in your hands. Thank you so much again!
UlqdIjr.png
: Notice his lovable speech impediment vanished when you agreed to help. Sneaky little git.

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I didn’t get these guys’ autographs, either. What the hell? I must have been possessed by an incompetence demon when I recorded this.

MrGpHsn.png


Anyway, we’re done with this area for now. Time to bop on over to the Lighthouse because at this point in the recording I think I was high on paint fumes and really had no clue where I was going.

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OH SHIT

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Yep, anywhere from one to two (maybe even three) minotaurs can spawn when traveling along the southern end of the map. They’re worth 3000xp each, so we could hypothetically just hop from area to area killing these guys to level grind if we really wanted to.

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Dialogue said:
0O3ttcv.png
: *Squeak*
kzbumPF.png
: Indeed? Archwizard Hank, Boo says we must beware, because blueskinned women await us with poisoned arrows and enth... enthralling voices... err... what does “enthralling” mean, Boo?
0O3ttcv.png
: *Squeak*
kzbumPF.png
: Oh, I see! Thank you, Boo.

The Lighthouse section of the Sword Coast is one of the more densely modded ones.

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Dialogue said:
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: Oh, please help him!

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The worgs at the entrance aren’t a big challenge.

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Dialogue said:
3QshCEA.png
: Eh? What is this? We heard the sounds of fighting, and here I see three dead wolves and... what? What is your purpose here, stranger?
OVANUSQ.png
: I would ask the same of you, I was told a boy had been trapped here by these creatures.
3QshCEA.png
: Ah, so that would explain this little lad’s abrupt entry into our home, here. It’s a good thing you arrived when you did.
1r0TLnj.png
: Brennan, sir. I... I... I just... I want my mum!
OVANUSQ.png
: Your mother sent me to fetch you. Let’s take you to her.
3QshCEA.png
: Then you’ll be off, will you? Take care. We’ll get back to our business. Mind you don’t get cornered by sirines, either. Worthless wretches make my life out here a living hell.

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Brennan’s mother here refuses to talk to us until her son trundles over to her line of sight. This is somewhat annoying, as if you aren’t paying attention, you might be lead to believe she’s simply broken.

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Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: Thou didst good in helping this poor woman. Now we should’st return to our travails.
QlquGX7.png
:
Wiktionary said:
From Middle English travail, from Old French travail (“suffering, torment”), from Vulgar Latin *tripaliō (“to torture; suffer, toil”) from Late Latin trepālium (“an instrument of torture”) from Latin tripālis (“held up by three stakes”)
This might be the best typo we’ve had yet. It’s an obsolete form of “travel,” yes, but it’s predominantly used to refer to torture.
2dwYYF2.png
: Take this, and thank you!

For doing this, we get some rather... *Petty* rewards, by Big World standards.

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By the way, we can enter the lighthouse now.

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Mods love this map. This won’t be the last time we see it.

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Ditto for here. For those keeping track, this will be the second time we’ve ransacked the summit of Ramazith’s tower without ever having actually been to Ramazith’s tower or even Baldur’s Gate proper in general. Unfortunately, unlike Pelltar’s tower back in Bone Hill, there aren’t any stat boosting tomes or scroll cases filled with late game scrolls here. Just some petty cash and low-level scrolls.

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Uh oh. Unforeseen consequences.

Dialogue said:
kzbumPF.png
: Should Minsc keep the little ones, too? Or maybe I give them to...

Fuck.

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God damnit. If you don’t return the intruder hamster to the merchant immediately, your inventory gets cluttered with 5 more of the little bastards. They all have different icons, but they share the same description. This will keep happening until you return the hitchhiking hamster.

Hamster said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.35.01_AM.png
: This is one of the little hamsters that arose from Boo’s liaison with that nameless hamster.



This is hell.

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We can enter this building on the left, too.

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Granted, there isn’t much point in doing so. Not much is going on inside.

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There’s a basement, too, but it’s equally devoid of intrigue.

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Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: Stand easy Minsc, thy need not be so motherly.
kzbumPF.png
: It is as you would have it. ’Tis my sworn vow to ensure your every need is catered to.
QlquGX7.png
: Who the hell are they talking to?

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Last but not least, the house of the wickie.

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Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: I thought this place was abandoned. What exactly are you doing here?
QlquGX7.png
: Isn’t the answer obvious? He’s maintaining the light. Only he has the privilege of peering within, however.
OKjunDj.gif

3QshCEA.png
: I work for a shipping company that trades along the Sword Coast and further south. The tariffs in Baldur’s Gate are too high for them, though, so they anchor their ships out to sea here and I and my crew row out to refit and resupply them. It’s a meager living, but an honest one.
OVANUSQ.png
: You mentioned sirines. Why should I be so wary of them?
3QshCEA.png
: As you’ve no doubt found in these untamed lands, each valley, forest, mountain, or plain has its own set of beasties. Around here, that monster is the sirine. They don’t listen to reason, and they attack without hesitation. It’s hard to make a living when their sort are around, but what can one do but keep fighting the good fight?
OVANUSQ.png
: As interesting as this is, I have no more time for it. Farewell.

B4F2CoQ.png


There’s a small pantry through the exit behind the Wickie. Nothing of note lies within. The chest in his room contains a set of unenchanted gear. Overall, we’ve robbed him for all he’s worth: *fuck all.*

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The sirines outside love spamming gas.

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Unfortunately, the game hates gas.

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One full reboot later...

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: I see no harm in a little divination on your part. Here is my palm. What does it tell you?
bC4WFqi.png
: Let’s have a look now. Interesting. Though you live a hard life now, your hand tells of a softer existence not long ago. I assume that you have just recently taken to the road?
OVANUSQ.png
: That much is true, yes. Do go on.
bC4WFqi.png
: I thought as much. Lets have a little closer look now. Back down your life line. I see a scholarly influence, and you are well educated. You had a mentor that was a great sage? Perhaps of considerable power as well?
OVANUSQ.png
: My foster father Gorion was a sage, and a bit of a mage as well. Go on.
bC4WFqi.png
: You had a reasonably happy childhood with him, aside from being a little difficult. My my, but you were quite the little hellion. Wonder where that comes from? Let’s see what we can’t learn about you back before this Gorion. Further back I see... I see... Madre de merced! I-see-a-long-and-happy-life-for-you-and-yours. 10 gold please and I’ll be on my way.
OVANUSQ.png
: What? What is it that you saw?
bC4WFqi.png
: I saw nothing! You will live long and enjoy life and I will be going now! Back from me!
OVANUSQ.png
: You must tell me, please dear lady.
bC4WFqi.png
: I have told all I am going to. Stay back from me! Your life is none of my affair!
OVANUSQ.png
: Please, I don’t mean to be rude. Just tell me what your vision revealed.
bC4WFqi.png
: Stay away from me! I warn you, I’ll not let you near me!

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A shame she was caught in the obligatory post-crash autopilot cooldown period, she looked like she might’ve been a challenge.

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Safana is here too I guess. We aren’t really in need of NPCs, so whatever.

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Spoilers: she dies.

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The Treasure of the Cave is ours for the taking, including a +1 CON tome and

Morridin's Cloak said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.39.38_AM.png
: This cloak once belonging to the famous bard Morridin. The cloak, which despite the lavish gold weaved into it, Morridin said was only “...a simple cloak that offers modest protection against the elements”. The cloak, along with many other personal items of Morridin became a topic of discussion among many.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: +1 bonus
Special: +1 charisma
Weight: 3

Usable Only By
Bard

Traveler's Ring said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.40.26_AM.png
: Personal ring of the famous bard Morridin. It is missing a stone. When asked how his ring came to lose its setting, Morridin simply replied, “It fell out while I was traveling.” His ring quickly became known as the Traveler’s ring. Since Morridin never told anyone what the ring did, the exact nature of the enchantments upon it are unknown.

STATISTICS:

Unknown

Usable By:
Bard Only

Morridin sounds like a pretty goddamn boring bard.

zoeoTxE.png


It’s roughly at this point that I realize I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for what I planned on doing.

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Correct side of the map, wrong section of the coast.

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Unfortunately we have to pass through High Hedge to get there, as we can’t just exit north from the lighthouse. That’d be too easy.

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Oh christ.

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Why would anybody think this is a good idea

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Since we’re here, let’s tie up another loose end. Remember the lady that was yelling at the door to High Hedge? No? Neither do I.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: I have spoken to Aiwell about her husband.
gpxuCca.png
: Have you, hm? That’s very noble of you. And I will tell you the same thing I’ve told her - I *cannot* help because I lack the most important ingredients for a cure; I need either belladonna, Guril Berries or the blood of a loved one. If you really want to make the world a better place, you could kill the werewolf and bring me its body. Maybe I can gain valuable insights through an obduction of a werewolf so that the next poor wretch can be saved.
OVANUSQ.png
: Tell me about Guril berries.
QlquGX7.png
: The solutions Thalantyr offers are arranged in order of their relative difficulty to acquire in the game. The easiest solution to get is the least likely to work. This is the “medium difficulty” solution, and the one we’re going with. It has a roughly 50/50 shot of working, meaning you need to reload until it works, but once it sticks the quest is solved peacefully.
gpxuCca.png
: Guril berries are an old remedy. Mostly for certain... intimate sufferings. I do not know if they also help against Lycanthropy, the chances should be about half-half. You should ask around in Beregost. Especially in the taverns. Some innkeeper may have a supply in stock.
OVANUSQ.png
: Tell me about belladonna.
QlquGX7.png
: Belladonna is a guaranteed win, but it’s virtually impossible to find. There are also a hundred mods that add their own idea of belladonna, so even if you find it, this mod probably won’t use it.
gpxuCca.png
: Belladonna is a well-known agent to free people from the curse of the werewolf. Nine out of ten people will be healthy again. However, it does not grow in this area and I have no idea where it can be found.
OVANUSQ.png
: Tell me about the blood of the loved one.
QlquGX7.png
: This is a “gotcha” option for lazy people because the source is right outside. It will basically never work.
gpxuCca.png
: As I said, this is pure speculation. In some romantic tales werewolves transform back into the original shape when they realize that they have drunk the blood of their kin, or a loved one. But the chances that this is true are one of ten at best.
OVANUSQ.png
: I do not think that’s to my taste.
gpxuCca.png
: And why are you wasting my time then?
QlquGX7.png
: End dialogue, rinse, repeat. Tell us about the Guril Berries.
OVANUSQ.png
: I have spoken to Aiwell about her husband.
gpxuCca.png
: Have you, hm? Well, I still need one of three things for a cure: either belladonna, Guril berries or the blood of a loved one.
OVANUSQ.png
: Good. I’ll see what I can do.
gpxuCca.png
: Good. Come back with either the ingredients or the corpse, however, keep in mind that I can only brew one of the three potions for you due to the other substances that are required for the potion. Good luck!
QlquGX7.png
: The arbitrary restriction on the number of potions he can brew is mainly just a dick move so the mod can soft lock you out of a peaceful solution if you pick the “gotcha” option.
gpxuCca.png
: Hello again, Archwizard Hank, how can I help you today?
OVANUSQ.png
: I have brought you Guril berries.
gpxuCca.png
: Guril berries, huh? Well, I’ll see what I can do with that.

ykkIBTp.png


This grants us the

Potion Against Lycanthropy said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.41.57_AM.png
: This potion contains mainly Guril berries.

vJIGzBa.png


The domicile of the werewolf is just a short trek north.

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Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: (Throw the antidote to him)
oo1SDjD.png
: (The werewolf snatches at the flask flying towards him)
(For a moment confusion is written on the face of the werewolf, and then...)
5eQEACN.png

VzdnIV0.png

QlquGX7.png
: For the record, I had to reload to get this. If you fail, this is what happens instead:
THE WAY OF PAIN said:
OVANUSQ.png
: You’re safe. We have set you free from Lycanthropy.
sYt3aTd.png
: From the werewolf disease? What are you talking about... Aiwell! I must reach her!

Z5mkl9O.png


At the intersection of the domicile of the werewolf and the High Hedge lies this interloper.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Tell us what happened.
NqglgpU.png
: My friend Melicamp, a fellow apprentice to Master Thalantyr, accidentally turned himself into a chicken when he tried to cast a polymorph spell. Right after that, Master Thalantyr’s cat chased Melicamp out the door in a crash of meowing and feathers. I searched for him but I haven’t been able to find him. I’ve found plenty of normal chickens, but not one of them seemed to be my friend. Melicamp hasn’t been seen for a while now and I am very worried about him. Master Thalantyr was extremely upset when he learned what had happened to Melicamp and fired me on the spot. He thought I had something to do with the accident. It was not my fault and I lost my apprenticeship! Truly an injustice has occured here!
OVANUSQ.png
: What would you need us to do?
NqglgpU.png
: I need you to find Melicamp, Master Thalantyr’s other apprentice. He can not have gotten very far from here if he is still alive. Find him and return him to Master Thalantyr. He will know what to do and may be able to reverse the effects of the polymorph spell that turned him into a chicken. If you rescue Melicamp, Master Thalantyr may even reinstate my apprenticeship!
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes, we will help.
NqglgpU.png
: Great! Please let me know the moment you find him! I’ll be waiting here.

CwKr6dy.png


Dialogue said:
llKjcFq.png
: I am very much indebted to you, Lord. My husband is saved and I never could have done it without your help.
sYt3aTd.png
: The last days are like a nightmare in my head. Aiwell has already told me what happened.
llKjcFq.png
: We should relax a few days, sweetheart. Let’s go to Baldur’s Gate.
sYt3aTd.png
: A good idea. I think I would become crazy in that house. But I want to give a present to you, sir. Go into our house and open the chest there. Hidden unter it is a secret compartment where you will find a good weapon. May it be of help to you.

This nets us 450 XP, a paltry sum after getting 2000 per kill on the Sirines, but it’s better than no XP. Also, the weapon “unter” the chest is the Sword of Flame +1.

iB477N4.png


We have a heading, let’s head.

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This end of the coast isn’t as interesting as the Lighthouse Coast, sadly. There are Sirines here too, and they’re just as annoying.

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Going to give you a quick highlight reel here since most of this area is just enemy mobs and vanilla NPCs.

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Trolls were a huge pain in the ass in BG2, I can’t even fathom having to deal with them in BG1.

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Some of these encounters just feel like the dev is wiping his ass with your face. Like, really, what the fuck is this shit? Even with the killsword on it’s annoying.

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The game decides to go through this again, and I’m 99% sure I’ve already transcribed it so I won’t bother doing so again.

3FEEXOr.png


Vanilla NPC

ZDDWFZ4.png


Vanilla quest

Ps27oPV.png


This container near the eponymous shipwreck holds Durin's Axe, which isn't really worth an item box as its description is the same as any other unenchanted axe. You might remember it from eons ago as being something we need for a mod quest. Or you might not remember, I’d forgive you for forgetting, it was in an era before time and space.

The shipwreck itself contains the Ring of Folly that Mad Arcand wants, and

Deceiver's Blade said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.43.21_AM.png
: Denat “The Deceiver” was once a very famous bard. He told not only tales of heroes, but also his adventures, he always claimed he was the best swordsman in the realm. At the end of his tales he would dual the best swordsman of his listeners and always wins. His downfall came when he mistakenly used a normal sword instead of this heavily enchanted one.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 1D8 + 1
THAC0: +5 bonus
Special:
Dexterity bonus +2
AC bonus +3
1 extra attacks per round
Damage type: slashing
Weight: 4
Speed Factor: 5
Proficiency Type: Long Sword
Type: 1-handed
Requires: 6 Strength

Only Usable By:
Bard

Jesus tap-dancing H. Christ, this thing is loaded. I’d use it, but Ben Stiller doesn’t have any longsword proficiencies. Of course, that isn’t exactly a permanent limitation.

rykgldR.png


We’re basically done with the Shipwreck Coast forever in perpetuity, so let’s finally turn this in.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes, I have it here.
iMiOL0o.png
: Wonderful, ye did it! So what kind of reward would ye be interested in? We can offer ye your choice among a set of magic tomes that are invaluable instruction manuals to those who fight.
QlquGX7.png
: Blah blah shit reward garbage XP whatever
OVANUSQ.png
: Book of the Wizard Slayer.
QlquGX7.png
: I’ve never actually played Wizard Slayer. The original joke in my head was “lel useless class, useless book” but on reflection I really can’t say if it’s truly useless or not. I think in a situation like Big World where the world is so saturated with magical shit, it probably boils down to how many buffs the Wizard Slayer gets against spellcasters. If I were the type to roleplay in the thread commentary, I’d probably roll up a wizard slayer for this LP because it’d be an easy gimmick. “Burning crusade against all the wizards, cleanse the realm of the magical filth,” that sort of rubbish, but I didn’t want my commentary to directly blend with CHARNAME’s dialogue options. Er, speaking of...
iMiOL0o.png
: Thank ye for helping an old dwarf out. By the way, the merchant who sold us them tomes, Panver the Loremaster, is in the Elfsong Tavern in Baldur’s Gate. Bye and thanks to ye again. Come Zankas lets go, we can rest easy tonight. Tomorrow will be a better day!

LQ1QTcy.png

MKm4lwd.png


Also, I haven’t really been keeping you updated on my spell selections since a lot of these early spells are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but here are some noteworthy ones I’m picking up just because I’m sick of having to cheese fights because I can’t hit anything for half an hour.

dx6dVr6.png


We have another one of these shitty tome mod quests to turn in, if you’ll recall.

to3uiXO.png


Archwizard Hank said:
Not a bad staff by any means, though I’m skeptical of this mod’s ability to deliver on the promise of dragon cultists.

Well, fucking color me surprised. This is the one and only time I’ll ever be mildly impressed with Bone Hill.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Thieves?
2YHZ62Z.png
: Was I not clear? Or is your head too thick to understand a simple sentence?
OVANUSQ.png
: I understand you just fine. That doesn’t mean that I understand what you are talking about.
2YHZ62Z.png
: Really? But you have no problems with walking around using one of our staves.
OVANUSQ.png
: Which staff?
QlquGX7.png
: This is a legitimate question, we have a lot of staves.
2YHZ62Z.png
: So you have stolen more than one? Hmm, Thiszult will be pleased if I return more than just one.
OVANUSQ.png
: What are you blabbering about? And what do you want?!
2YHZ62Z.png
: Insolent pig! You know very well that you hold a lost staff of the cult! For even touching it, I condemn you to death!
QlquGX7.png
: How did they even know we found it?
OVANUSQ.png
: Wait a minute! I found this staff in the bottom of a keep. I didn’t steal it from anyone. If anything, you should thank me for finding it.
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: Bah, claim what you will. I shall return victorious with the staff. Kill them all and return the staff to me!

jV1kl6m.png


The cultists all spam the late-Bone Hill tactic of “Drink Invisibility Potion, Backstab, Drink Potion, Repeat,” and we’d actually be able to take them on legit if I had properly mentally registered that I had debuffs in my arsenal. Bad Archwizard! Naughty Archwizard!

They don’t drop anything noteworthy, by the way.

SMyXT7b.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: The miners went insane and we retrieved the Kozah Idol.
VBfaaCy.png
: Kozah! I do not recognize that name, but it rolls off the tongue in a foul manner. Surely it is an aspect of an evil god or beast.
Eigao15.png
: Let me see that. I recognize these markings. It resembles an aspect of Talos the Storm Lord. It is truly an artifact of evil. It must be destroyed.
VBfaaCy.png
: Archwizard Hank, would you turn over the idol to us so that it may be destroyed?
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes, destroy the idol.
QlquGX7.png
: I’m not entirely sure what happens if you refuse. They could go hostile, but knowing this mod it could just as easily be a “but thou must!” non-choice. I’ll have to look into it.
VBfaaCy.png
: Thank you for your service in this matter. It is a tragedy what happened to the miners. We will take this foul artifact and see that it is destroyed. Choose your reward from among these powerful magic tomes. Great knowledge is before your fingertips. Which text would you have?
QlquGX7.png
: Sir Walorin offers us kit tomes for every vanilla class except the Stormlord of Talos. Which makes sense, but also this mod can get bent.
OVANUSQ.png
: A Priest’s Guide to Helm.
VBfaaCy.png
: As you would have it. Come Lord Chandler, let us return to Baldur’s Gate and prepare a report of the happenings. Perhaps you would like to purchase more Magic Career Tomes at some point in the future? The merchant who sold them to us, Panver the Loremaster, is in the Elfsong Tavern in Baldur’s Gate. Thank you again and may Helm watch over you.

QjqvqIs.png


Alright, enough aimless hobknobbling and thread chasing. Off to Cloakwood we go.

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...Which is what I would be saying, if this insanity weren’t still gnawing at the base of my brain stem.

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WHY

gMkpIet.png


Never fucking mind, we’re taking a detour to fix this immediately

PLT7odZ.png


Wait, what? Since when the hell did Ed Greenwood harass you here?

BG Wiki said:
Chapter Four – The third meeting occurs just in front of the steps to the Friendly Arm if the area is visited during Chapter Four. (AR2300 | 3233.2533)[2]
• This will not happen in the original Baldur's Gate if Beregost was visited during Chapter Three.
• 



In the unlikely case, Beregost was indeed not visited during Chapter Three, in the original game Elminster will stay here until finally talked with, no matter the chapter.
• 



In the Enhanced Edition, he will vanish if the Arm is visited again during another chapter.

In other words, this was technically always here, but it’s highly likely a lot of you are like me and haven’t seen it due to the absurdly specific requirements to meet him here? I’ve been to Beregost in chapter three, so obviously a mod relaxed the activation requirements. Whatever. Here’s a transcript.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: And what have you heard? All good things, I hope.
gJndZZH.png
: That would depend on whom thou would ask, now wouldn’t it? For the most part it would appear that thine actions are well intentioned, and are therefore received as such. Much is as I would have done, though perhaps not using the same method. Likely the clues also point thee in the same directions I would go.
OVANUSQ.png
: I know where I should go, and do not need your help.
gJndZZH.png
: Fear not. I was not presuming to tell thee where to go, for thou art more than capable. I will leave thee to thy travels. Luck be with thee, for thou’ve made some vengeful enemies, some that thou’ve yet to meet, and some as close as thine own heart.

Xy1b8PV.png


Our target is the pet merchant from last update, but here’s someone I somehow overlooked last time.

Dialogue said:
kBRcK8t.png
: But as my lord knows, there is always room for improvement. I have for sale a number of dyes that will turn your garments into something fitting a prince - nay, a king! Or if it strikes your fancy, I also have a small selection of complete outfits to choose from. What say you, my lord? Would you care to have a closer look?
OVANUSQ.png
: Dyes? Outfits?
QlquGX7.png
: Metal Gear? The Patriots? Non-sequitur?
kBRcK8t.png
: Magical dyes, my lord! My profession is to create and sell enchanted dyes that can turn even the most drab and dreadful rags into the height of fashion! And now for a limited time only, I also have a small selection of complete outfits for sale.
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes, I would like to buy something.
QlquGX7.png
: We really don’t, but we’ll humor him.
kBRcK8t.png
: Ah, wonderful, simply wonderful! I have a wide selection of dyes for cloth, leather, hair, even even some paint for iron or steel if it strikes your fancy! What interests you, my lord?
OVANUSQ.png
: I would like to see the clothes.

o5pDfSm.png


Rupert has a number of available items, and these are the only ones that are remotely interesting. His dyes simply change your character’s color channels, a function which is built into the game’s UI by default. There might be options to customize more channels than the two offered by the game, but I haven’t exactly looked as he demands money for this farce. The “outfits” are overrides that change your character model to match the listed class.

oNL205b.png


As detailed here, for example. The use of the quickslot to apply the cosmetic change is a nice courtesy, at the very least.

jtLVdj6.png


Target sighted.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: I am very sorry about the incident, it was a misunderstanding. I hope you understand. I would like to give the hamster back to you.
DzkfpVH.png
: You came here to bring me back a *hamster*?
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes, please take it back. Do I owe you anything?
DzkfpVH.png
: I am no longer selling pet animals. I had a... coincidence with a pack of wolves underway. They also got the prized rabbit. *sigh*
OVANUSQ.png
: That is horrible! You are all right, I hope?
DzkfpVH.png
: On the contrary. I could defend myself, unexpected as it was. Well, could be they were too busy eating my wares... Anyway, this event has stirred my desire to go adventuring. You are lucky you still met me here, before I go off again.
OVANUSQ.png
: You have to take the hamster back. My friend won’t accept anything else.
DzkfpVH.png
: But I don’t want to have the hamster back! You want me to take a hamster for adventuring? How silly is that? All right, fine, if it is so important to you I will take it back. I guess one hamster doesn’t hurt. Hm, strictly speaking I think I should thank you for preventing it from being eaten by the wolves? Hm, no, no. I think you are an ordinary thief, even if you say you didn’t take it on purpose. I see you have more hamsters... Oh, they are really small. Yes, I think I can guess where they come from... You can keep those. I do not trade with animals any more, as already mentioned.
OVANUSQ.png
: What else am I supposed to do with the small ones?
DzkfpVH.png
: This is not my problem. Please, I am sure you know how to handle little hamsters? I have rested enough and will go to more adventuring. Farewell.
QlquGX7.png
: Oh, we know *exactly* what to do with small hamsters.
WjjLLQu.png

At least we’ve stopped the damn things from spawning into Minsc’s inventory.

W9i9aPb.png


Since we’re here, we stop by the best arms dealer on the Sword Coast to pick up a hefty upgrade for Minsc.

Clawhammer Sword of Fire +3 said:
Screen_Shot_2021-11-09_at_5.44.59_AM.png
: This sword was made by the extinct Clawhammer Clan dwarves. They are rumored to have the ability to cast magical spells due to their half elven blood. The marking on the sword indicate it was crafted by Beran Clawhammer, a well known weaponsmith and enchanter.

STATISTICS

Combat abilities: 10% Chance of 1d6 fire damage

THAC0: +3 bonus
Damage: 1D10+3
Damage type: slashing
Weight: 9
Speed Factor: 10
Proficiency Type: Two handed sword
Type: 2-handed

Elves getting it on with Dwarves? Madness!

jCYatKj.png


Right then, where were we? Ah, right, the Cloakwood.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: We are the group of Archwizard Hank and looking for bandits.
dJSnPx6.png
: The name Archwizard Hank is well known to me. Well, I think I will believe you for the moment. To be honest I could even use your help.
OVANUSQ.png
: What troubles you? Tell us.
dJSnPx6.png
: (sigh) I'm looking for my son. Bandits have kidnapped him.
OVANUSQ.png
: What a crime! We will help you.
dJSnPx6.png
: May the gods bless you, good man. I shall pursue my own search. We will meet at the Friendly Arm Inn when you have found out anything.
QlquGX7.png
: This updates our journal with the name of her son, even though we didn't actually obtain that information. Still miles above Bone Hill, but still a bit off.

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Ah hell. I think this is where I’m going to leave you for now, folks. It’s getting to be that time. The cables are calling me, and if I don’t get in at least a thousand ant-years of repose in the hideously profaned sarcophagus of old NICs and GPUs which I charitably call a “bed,” I’m liable to spill my spaghetti. And I don’t think the Codex wants that - I don’t think Chumerica wants that.

Since Current Year is winding down to a close, I’d just like to take this aside to restate just how fucking astounding of an audience you’ve all been. Seriously. Recording the LP and parsing the info in my head for the updates breaks me a little inside, but bringing a little bit of twisted schadenfreude to everyone here every month was just about the only thing keeping me going for long stretches of Current Year. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and have a safe 2021. You’re a wonderful crowd, and I look forward to entertaining you some more next year - next month - next time.

And now as always, a word from our “sponsors...”

 
Last edited:

CappenVarra

phase-based phantasmist
Patron
Joined
Mar 14, 2011
Messages
2,912
Location
Ardamai
Are you mocking me! No one mocks the great Zordral. You will pay four your insolence!

that was a good sequence, yes

keieriareia's stats are pathetically Mary Sue, i can almost smell the pathetic wanker wanking all day long when coming up with them, and then the pathetic bard choice, it's all so... well, pathetic is the word

the gnome thief/illusionist with 12 DEX? what a hipster

hamsters multiplying and you can't even consume them to restore HP a la Goodberry? tsk tsk

This sword was made by the extinct Clawhammer Clan dwarves. They are rumored to have the ability to cast magical spells due to their half elven blood.
:whatho:

i tried to follow along, but it's just so moddishly pathetic i mostly feel pity for you playing it

uhm, can i suggest dropping this and playing Grimoire next year to restore the balance?
 

d1r

Busin 0 Wizardry Alternative Neo fanatic
Patron
Joined
Nov 6, 2011
Messages
3,576
Location
Germany
I liked the hamster quest, and I am getting shivers just looking at all those weird looking spells in your spellbook. Couldn't even be arsed to make them look proper.
 

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
uhm, can i suggest dropping this and playing Grimoire next year to restore the balance?



My friend, the lunacy has only just begun.

I liked the hamster quest, and I am getting shivers just looking at all those weird looking spells in your spellbook. Couldn't even be arsed to make them look proper.

I was probably overplaying it with the hamsters, the concept in and of itself is fine. It's the execution that gets me. Also you're going to love it when the game gives us Dae'Ragh's Aura Cleansing with no strings attached.
 

Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Good people of the past, I come to you as an ambassador of the future. I am Archwizard Hank, the Prelate Principio of the Brotherhood of Big World. I hail from the far-off year of 2021, in the 21st century of your Earth calendar, and I have traveled across the amber waves of space and time to deliver an ultimatum: your recently developed nuclear technology poses a threat to all the nations of Outer Space. If you persist in the research of this destructive technology, we will be forced to launch the Big World Missile, a transdimensional nonlinear space-time warp device of total annihilation.

People of Earth, surrender, or die.

Ahhh, it’s good to be back, and none too soon. I seem to have made a habit of kicking off updates with some kind of apology for their lateness, but honestly, I think it's pretty well established that this is the norm for me. I was in denial at first. "What kind of mad madman updates an LP at this kind of idiotic pace?" Apparently, I do. If it's worth anything, I'm still up to my neck in the cable shenanigans I esoterically hinted at last time - routers, servers and all manner of wires are flying in and out of their proper place over here at Chateau le Hank, and it's made my personal content delivery system a goddamn mess. I had over half of this update finished by the 30th, and on the one hand, I considered crunching it to keep up the monthly pace, and on the other hand, the game content I'd digested over the last month culminated in a twelve hour panic attack nightmare in which I argued with an imaginary internet browser over the ethical and existential ramifications of holding a debate in a cosmological model that allows for infinitely recurring debates across infinitely recurring timelines. So, yeah, after that I figured you could all afford to wait while I gathered the shredded remnants of my sanity off of the floor.

Last time, we just barely breached the edge of the Cloakwood. Under normal conditions, this would be somewhere between the near-endgame or the midgame depending on whether or not you plan on doing TotSC. In Big World, this is just barely scratching the middle of the game, because there’s so much extra trash in the way between here and Sarevok.

IG5AUqz.png


Nothing too noteworthy or new about the encounter we ended last update on...

uVWpKDn.png


Aside from the head druid now using Arundel’s model.

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Up north a ways is this fresh hell.

MpGM9bO.png


Dialogue said:
7a3LxF2.png
: I am Vicgold Otterbight. I am a fierce, bold and decisive Ranger. Please call me Vic! Heed what Magstine tells you. Say, have you seen any ferrets around here?
kzbumPF.png
: These people seem nice, but, this guy seems a little bit mad. Who ever heard of a Ranger’s being friendly with a ferret?
3mV8oeA.png
: An evil force is threatening these woods. Would you consider helping us discover what is happening here?
OVANUSQ.png
: Tell us what is going on.
3mV8oeA.png
: Vicgold and I have heard about an infestation of spiders in these woods. We have been searching for the source of this evil for some time now.
7a3LxF2.png
: We’ve discovered a large amount of dangerous creatures. Beware! You will face great danger throughout Cloakwood forest!
3mV8oeA.png
: Spiders are a part of the natural order and play a integral role in maintaining balance. Someone or something has caused the spiders in these woods to behave aggresively. It has become a very dangerous situation.
7a3LxF2.png
: I even lost my animal companion, Mr. Jingles, he got bit by a spider and then he ran off as I fought the beast. For many days and many nights we searched for him but we have not found him. I still sometimes think about him!
kzbumPF.png
: Psst Archwizard Hank... I told you he was mad!
3mV8oeA.png
: We want you to find out what is disturbing the spiders in these woods. Return here when you have discovered the source of this evil that is upsetting the balance.
OVANUSQ.png
: We will investigate this matter.
3mV8oeA.png
: Go in peace, return with news of what has aggravated the spiders and what is provoking them.

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We’ve been sent to investigate the spiders, so let’s investigate. The Cloakwood is immense, so we’re going to kind of gloss over the bulk of it for this update and get to the side details later.

dpqDb4g.png


I was going to say something about how this mod’s utilization of Minsc’s practical experience as a ranger is appreciated but not really something that jives with the rest of the mod characterizing him as a titanic tard, but now that I think about it, almost all of the times he stops you at the start of a wilderness area it’s not really him advising you, it’s Boo.

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We might as well take Boo’s advice.

tcxHWpl.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: What is it that troubles you stranger?
mISHOrW.png
: Thank you! Thank... you... it’s my brother you see. He and I went into the Cloakwood to clear the woods of the spider colony that infests it. I know it sounds foolish... but my brother had found the sword ‘Spider’s Bane’! The sword was created to kill spiders... and we thought we could become famous... the heroes of Cloakwood, and all that. But my brother hasn’t returned yet... and it’s been more than a week. Please, could you go into the woods and find him for me... my mother would be so shattered if Chelak were to be dead.
wBa5IxV.png
: I am grieved, for I foresee that ’tis as thou fear: the spiders do not keep prisoners. Yet, I myself was a captive of no less vicious critters and survived a while before Archwizard Hank came to the rescue.
kzbumPF.png
: Poor defenseless boy, lost in these woods! We must defend him, Archwizard Hank, we must!
OVANUSQ.png
: We’ll find your brother for you, don’t worry.
mISHOrW.png
: Oh yes! Please search quickly... his name’s Chelak. Be careful.

LzvO0VD.png


Vynd’s ability to detect traps is somewhat lacking. I’ve dumped points into the skill every chance I get, but there’s always that *one* trap that falls under his radar, either because he just can’t see it, because it’s scripted to always fire off, or because he hasn’t been looking for traps long enough for it to show up red on the map before blundering into it.

89vHVoq.png


Did I ever tell you guys about the time my life turned into the Ops Deck of System Shock 2? You know the part, the bit where you have to fumble in the dark to find the computer chips. I was staying the week at a house I was renovating.

ngZN7EM.png


Place used to be the home of a compulsive hoarder, so there were spiders all over the damn place - poisonous spiders, the kinds you don’t want skittering across the floor when all you have to sleep on is a cheap air mattress.

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Black widows, brown recluses, nasty shit. Anyway, my air mattress was in a room we had just about emptied of this hoarder’s shit (mostly boxes filled with newspapers, but occasionally valuable stuff, so we had to sift through all the damn newspapers. This project took about two years. Not fun) and I’m about ready to sift through the final stuff in the closet when the biggest damn black widow I’ve ever seen flies across the carpet.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Hey wait! We’ve come here... to... to benefit from your divine wisdom. Let us speak.
b4g4n8t.png
: You’ve come here to learn from my infinite wissssdom. Sssspeak quickly! My pets...if they try to run, kill them.
OVANUSQ.png
: How have you come to dwell here, in this dreary abode?
b4g4n8t.png
: I am cursssed. The archmage, Jon Irenicus, cursed me for indignities done to him and his wife by me. I loved Jon, but now I hate him, as I hate you and everything. Spiderssss... kill them all.

a42tCcK.png


The only light I have in the room is a desk lamp with a janky cable, and it craps out. I’ve been listening to music while I work on this place, and the music in my headphones is the System Shock 2 OST. My only weapons are my shoes and a swiffer duster.

uMU45fD.png


...Oh right, this game. For a while I was under the impression that Centeol’s dialogue about Irenicus was an awkwardly retrofitted reference on behalf of some mod, but apparently this was actually something patched in to the original game by the devs while BG2 was under development, and the original dialogue referred to him as Jon Icarus. There’s also a Lord Foreshadow-esque reference to a sequel in the journal entry if you charm her, though I don’t really use charm as often as I probably should.

XiEkvaK.png


Else aside, the game has changed, and it’s no longer necessary to charm Centeol to get this, or at least some variation of this.

Dialogue said:
b4g4n8t.png
: My curse - that is all I remember now. I used to be beautiful and powerful. An exotic sorceress, with many powers at my command, and suitors at my door. But I only had eyes for one man, Jon Irenicus. He was a great and powerful wizard, the only man worthy of my affections, or so I thought. Though I lusted for Jon, he cared little for me, for he had another to whom he was married, Lady Tanova.
OVANUSQ.png
: John was married?! I... I think I heard about him. I thought he was in love with Ellesime, and then he lost his er... zest for women’s charms...
QlquGX7.png
: There’s no feasible way we could have heard of Jon in-universe. This dialogue option rests purely on player foreknowledge.
b4g4n8t.png
: Jon lost his zest?! *she laughs bitterly* Please... He had plenty and to spare... for Tanova. So I plotted and schemed, and finally came up with a plan to rid the world of Tanova. When the deed was done, and Tanova lay dead, I was exultant, but not for long. Jon went mad with fury, and using his powerful magics, divined the identity of his wife’s murderer. He arrived at my tower, and I allowed him entry, desirous to finally consummate our love. Jon disabled me with his spells, and then he cursed me to this body, and set spiders to feed me and keep me alive. So you see, if you were my friend, you would kill me.
OVANUSQ.png
: I... I see.

zCL1gbP.png


The loot isn’t really altered in any significant or novel way. Spider’s Bane would be cool if it weren’t striding on the surface of an abyssal sea of far cheesier magical shit.

gsGTwou.png


Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: ’Tis a sad lesson that every young adventurer learns eventually. Being brave doth not make one invincible.
mISHOrW.png
: Poor Chelak!

GOHljdd.png


Towards the south, we come face to face with the “dragon” we were commissioned to kill earlier.

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Even though the rest of the text insists it’s a “dragon,” the head it drops is just a generic Wyvern head. Okay?

7fmDbnd.png


The ring she gives us is a Ring of Protection +2. I’m hesitant to call the ring “free money” since it’s not exactly limitless, but it crops up as a reward often enough that we can comfortably sell off extras for mad stacks without ever really running out of them.

1gyughB.png


Two down, two to go.

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Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Who are you? What is it that you want with us?
OSy7snj.png
: My name is Laskal, and I am the protector of the Cloakwood. I would ask you a question before I take my leave of you. I have a message for those that serve the Iron Throne. Would you be a representative of that organization?
OVANUSQ.png
: We have no connection with that evil group. We are sworn enemies of the Iron Throne.
OSy7snj.png
: Hmm. An enemy of an enemy is a friend. My earlier question was just a test. I am glad to know that you also oppose this organization. They have been a blight on these woods ever since they re-opened the ancient dwarven iron mine. Well, I am glad to know you. Take this, hopefully it will aid you against the Iron Throne. The Iron Throne’s fort is located to the north-east.
wBa5IxV.png
: So, thou style thyself an enemy of the Iron Throne openly now? Well, one cannot hide all in a sack, I suppose, so mayhap ’tis for the best.
OSy7snj.png
: Farewell.

Laskal gives us the

Staff of Life said:
T9u5AAq.png
: White and gold, pulsing with great power this staff was formed at the dawn of time by the first ray of the sun as it glistened off of a pure body of water. Offering little in the way of offense, this staff does provide its wielder with powerful protections.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 2D2 + 2
THAC0: +2
Armor Class: +2 Bonus
Special:
Creates Potions of Healing and Antidotes
Protection from level 1 spells
Damage type: crushing
Weight: 3
Speed Factor: 4
Proficiency Type: Staff
Type: 2-handed

Free potions are always helpful, I guess. Also let’s not gloss over the fact that this staff apparently dates back to the dawn of fucking time.

UIGxAJg.png


And hey, we were just about overdue for some shitty portrait assassins.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes we are treading about in your precious forest you dirty tree huggers! What are you going to do about it?
G4914L0.png
: Oh I will use your spleen for a magical potion and your skull as a talking muppet, telling kids how stupid adventurers really are when it comes to violating nature!

ZtcX6K1.png


Miranda opens the fight by summoning two bears. She has a small army of flunkies at her command that spawn instantly, but most of them spawned just out of view.

tzycYlz.png


She has some mildly devastating outdoor spells at her disposal, but their limited range means we can tank them without much effort.

dbhcsVi.png


The fight was over almost as soon as it had begun, and I hadn’t even put very much strategic thought into it. The portrait assassins get exponentially more powerful the further you get into the game, but so do you, and a sufficiently decked equipment loadout means most of them won’t survive a constant volley of blades to the face. Except the mage assassins that can cast Time Stop, but, y’know, we’ll get to them later.

Miranda and her cohort drop the expected assortment of broken magic shit, including

Armor of Thorns said:
tNstuJb.png
: Upon closer inspection one discovers that the armor is not made from leather at all, but from an intricate weave of vines and thorn bush branches. The armor is a gift from the nymphs to the druids, a token of admiration for their endless protection of the forests.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: 0
Saving Throws: +3 bonus
Speed Factor Penalty: +1
Physical Resistance Bonus: +5%
Arcane Casting Time Penalty: +2
Stealth Penalty: -20%
Weight: 4
Only usable by:
Druid (single, dual, & multi-class)

Gift of the Woods said:
1Ljv3wu.png
: Throughout time druids and rangers have struggled to protect the wild from the ever encroaching civilization. On occasion the dwellers of the wild do grant these zealots with favors to aid them in their endeavors to protect them.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: 0
Special: Increased Attacks
Special: Increased Resistance to Petrification
Weight: 2
Usable Only By:
Druids (Single Class Only)
Rangers(Single Class Only)

Ankh of Acceptance said:
rk7pGWh.png
: One of the nine ankhs of the Sukiem originally kept in the temple at Northkeep, they were lost when it fell, and rediscovered by the Myth Drannor who held them for centuries. When that group dissolved, the ankhs were again lost, and have not been seen since.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: +1 Bonus
Wisdom: +1 Bonus
Special: Paralyze Target Creature
Special: Of the True Neutral
Not Usable By:

Poison Ivy +2 said:
mK6lsdy.png
: Th is a deadly weapon designed by the Shadow Druids to assist them in their protection of the forests and its creatures. With each hit the vines of this club will wrap itself around the target and do poison damage.

STATISTICS:

THAC0: +2
Damage: 1D6 +2
Special:
Target hit by Poison Ivy receives 1 poison damage for 8 seconds
Damage type: crushing
Weight: 3
Speed Factor: 6
Proficiency Type: Mace/Morning Star
Type: 1-handed
Usable By:
Druids
Rangers

The Ankh of Acceptance is the real jewel here. The WIS bonus is always welcome, but overriding any alignment you have to True Neutral makes it utterly devastating if you have a lot of neutral-restricted crap and no way to use it (and you *will* with Big World.)

8DDpIpT.png


The aforementioned flunkies that were late to the party. These are the guys that drop the Poison Ivy club. All of the flunkies are equipped with generic +1 and +2 studded leathers and quarterstaffs.

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We’re on the home stretch.

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Pre-rendered cutscenes make me hard, and Beamdog should be tried in a public inquisition for the heresy of kinkshaming me.

...I’m running out of creative ways to say this.

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Right out of the gate, we’re assaulted by a Hamadryad that insists on delivering its voice line in text float format.

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Please don’t open this can of ideological worms again, Dynaheir. I still haven’t fully bleached my brain from last time.

Dialogue said:
UlqdIjr.png
: ...unusual opener.
wBa5IxV.png
: Hast thou considered what thy path in life may have been?
QlquGX7.png
: He’d probably just be Viconia.
UlqdIjr.png
: Only every single time I had to stare at the floor when a lady walked into the room.
wBa5IxV.png
: Not thy circumstances. Thy path. Thy outlook. If thou wert born a woman into thy traditions, wouldst thou fight them still, or embrace all they offered?
QlquGX7.png
: Right. He’d just be Viconia, the underdark fucking blows.
UlqdIjr.png
: How the hell should I know? Didn’t happen, doesn’t matter.
wBa5IxV.png
: If thou wouldst seek change from those in power, ask first what thou wouldst change had power been thine. Injustice is more easily seen by victims than beneficiaries.
UlqdIjr.png
: Yes, I’m sure they just didn’t realise the damage they were causing when they beat me bloody. Get bent, hathran.

3YmMVCR.png


A few paces east is this hideous bridgemiser.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Ok here is the 300 gold you asked for.
MQPrRju.png
: Nature thanks you. You may have use of this bridge. May the Great Mother watch over you.

CM7PQZT.png


Doing this gives us an odd journal update. Presumably there’s more to this NPC, though I couldn’t tell you what.

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The bridge is dotted with Black Talon Elites.

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This is a fully-realized area with actual encounters and things to do, but, y’know...

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I’ve got another mining operation to smash, so I’m kind of on autopilot. Sorry. We’ll take an in-depth look at what I glossed over later, I swear.

mADQTwG.png


This is it, the crown jewel of the Cloakwood. The final dungeon of Chapter 5.

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Arundel here thinks he can take us.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Arch druid! Ha! Don’t make us laugh.
hBsJmsI.png
: You will regret those words!

PFWBbRE.png


In spite of our bravado, the Archdruid is no slouch. He starts the fight surrounded by bears, which provide a dense ablative barrier of physical DPS for anyone who tries to engage him in close quarters.

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He’s also more than capable of tanking damage like a champ. He’ll hurt you more than you can hurt him if you just charge in swords blazing, so unlike most overland mobs, this requires some amount of tactical thought.

HH39Ct2.png


Time to break things down to a level of tactical granularity we haven’t seen since, fuck me, Update 2? It’s been a long time, but it’s high time we start getting back into the nitty gritty of actually, y’know, putting thought into encounters.

JhNqtjS.png


We’re going to try opening with Call Lightning, but, uh

TWpDdif.png


Yeah. That. It’s actually rare for a spellcaster in Big World to fight you one on one - they’ll almost always have some kind of physical backup, and if they don’t, they’ll summon more. Getting some distance is usually helpful (not that I had to tell you that,) though some AI is actually intelligent and will follow your spellcaster to the far end of the map to ensure you can’t fire off anything unmolested. This is where something like Mirror Image or Improved Invisibility would help - I have the former, and will be getting the latter later.

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Thankfully, these bears are slow and stupid, so I can just stand over here and fire off lightning bolts like a champ.

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Magic missiles are always a good default choice, though they won’t be truly devastating until a little down the road.

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Would you believe me if I told you I’m actually kind of terrible at this game? Like, I’m not saying there was ever any doubt about that, it’s just, y’know, I’m just saying.

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Firing off another lightning bolt just because we can.

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Might as well blow a charge of this wand of frost while we’re at it.
FoEMOoF.png


Well, uh, hm. That definitely did something.

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This piece of shit’s still clinging to life? What the eff

UfDfFQ8.png


It’s Minsc’s time to shine!

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...Except not really. He fragged one of the bears and then proceeded to go on a rampage in some unhelpful direction. This finished the job.

Archwizard trumps Archdruid. Game set. The Archdruid drops

Crown of the Archdruid said:
b54uPFx.png
: This crown was owned by the Leader of the ‘Druids of The Black Woods’ over 13 generations ago. However after an orc invasion crushed this druidic community, this crown has changed its owner very often.

STATISTICS:

Special:
Protection against critical hit
1 extra spell from level 1 to 3
Charm Animal unless save vs. wands
Range: 40 ft
Area: 1 animal
Duration: 10 turns
Weight: 2

Only usable by:
Druid

Heart of the Woods said:
LooZsMO.png
: The carvings on the amulet speak of life and power from the mother goddess. There is one unmistakable runic mark, the symbol of Erreth-Akbe, the great northern druid’s temple. Though clearly ancient the charm still glistens like it was new, its power must lie within its resilience. Upon a closer inspection you note some small signs of wear; perhaps its power is not as eternal as the goddess it pays homage to.

STATISTICS:

Special: Gain Protection from Acid

Usably Only By:
Neutral Alignment


Stormcloud ‘Kraken’s Bane’ said:
p1Ar16I.png
: This leather was fashioned from the charred remains of a dragon struck down by lightning. Last known to be worn by Shrethu Reogher, the warlock. One must hope that he is dead, for if it were removed from him while he was still alive he is sure to come looking for it.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: 0
Saving Throws: +3 bonus
Special: Resist Electricity
Speed Factor Penalty: +1
Physical Resistance Bonus: +5%
Arcane Casting Time Penalty: +2
Stealth Penalty: -20%
Weight: 4
Requires: 6 Strength
Only Usable By:
Druid

Scimitar +3 ‘Yarrow’s Tears’ said:
TJJqVl7.png
: It was just after the fall of the temple of Erreth-Akhe, the Archdruid Yarrow had just returned from a trip to discover his temple ravaged in his absence. The powerful druid pleaded to the Gods for revenge, and then cried; his tears falling upon his scimitar. The tears empowered his scimitar with his grief and longing for revenge.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 1D8 +3
THAC0: +3 bonus
Armor Class: +2 Bonus
Special:
Cast Charm Person or Mammal 3 times per day
Stun target unless save vs. Spell
Damage type: slashing
Weight: 3
Speed Factor: 5
Proficiency Type: Scimitar
Type: 1-handed
Requires: 8 Strength

Usable Only By:
Druid

All of these items are either exclusive to or designed for druids, and considering the dearth of Druid-specific magical equipment in general, it’s not exactly an unwelcome addition.

I9Yhd8I.png


The Black Talon Elites are about as threatening as the guards and bandits from the base game Cloakwood Mine ever were, and in the context of Big World, that’s not saying much.

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These guys, on the other hand, are still somewhat on the tough side.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: You want to know what I always say? “Always kill the mouthy one,” that’s what I always say.
5M1hnFv.png
: HAW! A good saying! I will use your head for a puppet and make it say it over and over while we drink large amounts of mead! Life is pretty good, you know?

U5WGkDT.png


Our crowd control leaves something to be desired, so we’re opening with the Wand of Frost.

Also, I’d just like to take a quick aside to talk about Drasus, because this really pisses me off. In the vanilla game, Drasus drops the Boots of Speed. This is one of only two in the vanilla game you can get - the other is on Lothander, but he’s a slippery bastard. The Boots of Speed are a fucking godsend, because they expedite the most time consuming process in the game: walking. The haste effect is a bonus.

Here, though, well... You’ll see.

w8M2rVT.png


Genthore saves, but the damage still connects because our cheese is the spiciest.

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Might as well activate Ben Stiller’s battle song, for lack of anything better for him to do. I’m still not entirely sure what, if anything, this does.

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Compound guards start pouring out of the woodworks as I rain death from above.

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It’s a small enough area of effect that I can get caught in it if I’m not careful, but it’s worth the risk.

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One of these finishes the job. The remaining enemies are trash.

bHOHznE.png


Dialogue said:
kzbumPF.png
: And we return to Rashemen? Then Minsc shall be honoured as a full-fledged berserker, and evil everywhere will shake the earth with its trembling!
UlqdIjr.png
: Right right, but where do you go from there? They don’t shackle you to a witch for the rest of your life, do they?
kzbumPF.png
: Ooh, do you think they would? I have not thought much of life after dajemma. I hope it is as you say, my friend. Minsc and Boo are great indeed, but Minsc and Boo and Dynaheir are greater still.
UlqdIjr.png
: ...yeah. I’d say you could do a lot better, big guy. But as long as it’s what you want.

Right. So, about Drasus. All of his cohorts drop more or less the same junk they dropped before, but Drasus...

PzsePrz.png


Some sadistic motherfucker went through the effort of not only removing the Boots of Speed from his inventory, but replacing them with the “Old Worn Out Boots” you have to retrieve in the Beregost Spider House quest. This is more than just a middle finger, it’s a middle finger straight up your ass.

IJPp565.png


Y’wanna finger me in the ass, game? I’ll take your goddamn finger up the ass, I’ll take it so hard it comes straight out the mouth and flips you off instead. Fuck you.

Anyway, Drasus drops some other garbage, namely

Medium Shield +2 ‘Heart of the Dragon’ said:
Tcn7Vhg.png
: A relatively unknown knight, Neshum was never to swift of the mind. When traveling through the north he came upon a battle, before him were several warriors and a dragon. Neshum decided that the battle was unfair, and took arms in defense of the dragon. Neshum’s aid was the turning point and the warriors were defeated. Benderesk, the dragon, repaid the knight’s aid by giving him a shield which he bestowed with the strength of a dragon’s heart. Benderesk retrieved his gift some years later when Neshum was hired by the same village as the warrior to rid them of this troublesome dragon.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class Bonus: 4
THAC0: -1 Penalty
Special:
Increased Hit Points
Magic Resistance: +5%

Arcane Casting Time Penalty: +2
Stealth Penalty: 30%
Weight: 6
Not Usable By:
Bard
Druid
Mage
Thief
Monk
Kensai

GWFU1zY.png


As well as this morning star which has an ordinary description, save for the combat ability.

NGCtEes.png


Dialogue said:
0O3ttcv.png
: *Squeak*
kzbumPF.png
: No, I think it beats even that time when Uldon the Unwashed had all those beans and cabbage for supper. But at least we can do something about the smelly villains responsible for this!

Ranger farts. Good to see this game still hasn’t lost its edge. Where’s the fucking bleach?



There we go! Ahhhhhh, yes, pour that directly into my eyes please.

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Right then, level 1 of the Iron Throne mine, here we go.

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The first floor isn’t anything particularly revolutionary.

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The main highlight of this floor is the river plug, and I’m sure most of you are familiar with its purpose.

JiUsLjW.png


Onwards, then, to level 2.

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Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: You are Perwell, right? I’m Archwizard Hank. Your mother is looking for you.
nIMKoj3.png
: Do you know my mother? She is probably already worried sick! Please set me free!
OVANUSQ.png
: At once, kid. I’ll cut your chains.
nIMKoj3.png
: Oh, thank you, sir, thank you thank you thank you! The bandits kidnapped me to blackmail my mom. But now I can escape them!
OVANUSQ.png
: Can you find your own way out?
nIMKoj3.png
: Yes, I think so, but... I know that we are deep in the woods and I do not know the way back home. Can you... take me along?
OVANUSQ.png
: Oh, you can make it, boy.
QlquGX7.png
: I mainly chose this option because I didn’t trust the mod to turn Perwell into an item.
nIMKoj3.png
: That may be... but I would prefer if I could go with you.
OVANUSQ.png
: Very well. I will take you along but I have to finish something here first.
nIMKoj3.png
: Yippee! You are the greatest! I’m going to sneak out of here and wait for you in the inner yard! I’m coming home!

yVua4sE.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes, we are. How did you come by this information, you look to be one of the Throne’s slaves?
4BlOdFJ.png
: Good! My name is Rill, and I’m the de facto leader of the slaves here beneath the Cloakwood. I heard about you, because I’m always careful to listen to what the Black Talons talk about. It seems that the Iron Throne has placed a large price on the head of someone named Archwizard Hank, which would be you, I assume. Enough introductions, we don’t have much time. I need 100 gold. The captain of the Black Talons on the first floor is not known for his loyalty to the Throne. IF you give me the money, I’m sure I could bribe him to look the other way, while I escape with the rest of the slaves. After all, most of the Talons are going to be preoccupied with you. Well, how about it?
UlqdIjr.png
: A hundred gold? We’ll get right on that. Unrelated question; can you swim?
QlquGX7.png
: Vynd, buddy, I love you like a brother and I appreciate you interjecting like this so I have a reason not to skip over it, but a hundred gold really isn’t a lot of money.
4BlOdFJ.png
: N...no, why?
kzbumPF.png
: They keep slaves here?! How can someone be so cruel as to deprive others of fresh air and sunlight? This villainy makes Minsc’s fury rise like the ocean! ONWARD, MY FRIENDS, AND LET EVIL BEWARE!
4BlOdFJ.png
: Thank you, sir. We are glad to have honest men like you champion our cause.
OVANUSQ.png
: Here, take the gold you need, and get yourself and the others away from here as soon as possible.
4BlOdFJ.png
: Thank you! Thank you so much. I wish you well, and hope that you can bring an end to this stinking operation.
UlqdIjr.png
: What does he need a bribe for? We already killed...alright, fine. I suppose we just throw money at people now. Here, have some of mine.
BVhAiL4.png

4BlOdFJ.png
: Ow! Er, thank you.
UlqdIjr.png
: No problem. Want another one?
BVhAiL4.png

4BlOdFJ.png
: Ow. Sir, please...
UlqdIjr.png
: Buy some soap.
BVhAiL4.png

OVANUSQ.png
: Vynd!
UlqdIjr.png
: What? Just following your example.
4BlOdFJ.png
: Um, thank you again, friends. If you’ll excuse me...
UlqdIjr.png
: One for the road.
BVhAiL4.png

4BlOdFJ.png
: OW! Thanks again! And good luck!

7hFKgZq.png


Going to grab Yeslick while we’re here because old Skeezer Lumpkin is dead weight.

Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: All help is welcome. We’ve much to overcome.
QlquGX7.png
: This is just his vanilla dialogue, but I figure not a lot of folks pick up Yeslick since he’s pretty deep in the game and most players have a party they’re satisfied with by the time they get to the Cloakwood Mines, so here’s his dialogue for posterity’s sake.
IctZtQO.png
: That you have, and none would know better than I. These are my mines that the blasted Iron Throne has stolen. Well, they were my clan’s home 125 years ago. Curse me for a fool, I trusted them! Years ago that blasted Rieltar gave me a good trade smithing for the Throne, and then I go and tell him about my old home! About how my clan had the richest iron mine on any coast, and how almost all were killed when we breached a riverbank. Lost most my kin in that flood. Those of us that survived couldn’t bear to go back down. It was a giant watery tomb, and we left it the way she stood. So I go and tell this to my ‘friend’ Rieltar, and he has me chained up! He tortures the location outta me, and now this graveyard feeds the Iron Throne as they bleed the coast dry. If you want to cripple their plans, help me flood these accursed mines once more! They plugged the breach, but knowing hands can loose the flow! We can drown these black-hearted rats in the very mine they’ve stolen! Here be the way!

6NFVGij.png


Ah, Skeezer, we hardly knew ye.

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One quick trip to the Space Hole later, and Yeslick is ready to butt heads with the best of them.

ofOZ0b0.png


And that about does it for the second floor. On to level 3.

9skW7JJ.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: What place is that?
IctZtQO.png
: This be the guardrooms. I trained me militia here, long ago... willin’ lads, good wi’ an axe, all o’ em. I expect the Throne’ve stuffed it wi’ hobgoblins an’ scum like that, so watch yer step.
QlquGX7.png
: I was going to write a Dwarf Fortress joke here, but I’m actually kind of terrible at that game and couldn’t think of anything past “embark point” and “mountain.”

Ett43TS.png


The third floor is where things start getting hot. The place is utterly packed with all manner of hobgoblins, hobgoblin mages, knobgoblins, hobgoblin captains, hobgoblin elites, hobgoblin lord mayors, hobgoblin croupiers, hobgoblin godfathers, hobgoblin godheads, dread hobgoblins, hobgoblin brigadier generals, and ogre mages.

AABtMdX.png


The real challenge is in picking up all the garbage they drop and cramming it into the space hole, because that shit takes like a solid hour.

rvARdJh.png


Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: An uncommon diplomacy in thy speech I hear, cleric.
IctZtQO.png
: If ye say so. Anyhow, if yer land has such valiant warriors... why is it yer magic-folk are in charge? Ta me it makes no sense, none, not a nugget.
wBa5IxV.png
: ’Tis a strange question... I wouldst perhaps say thou art taught to see it unnatural by thy god and his creed. Learning and growing with the Art, to use it fairly and wisely, is a challenge and a duty the Wychlaran accept, just as clerics of thy god know when to slay and when to stay thy hand.
IctZtQO.png
: Respect ye I do, but ye canna expect me ta simply agree with ye that Clangeddin Silverbeard’s teachin’s an’ the word I preach an’ cry ta the skies is wrong, merely with an I-say-so, ma’am. If magic was a just an’ natural thing, surely Clangeddin would preach it along wi’ the axe an’ hammer?
QlquGX7.png
: I have some pamphlets about geomantic sorcery that might interest the participants of this conversation.
wBa5IxV.png
: Thy belief is this? Then let me say this to thee, Yeslick; if thou camest to my lands, thou wouldst see how Rashemen lies in the shadow of the enlightened, yet total, dominance of the Witch-Queen over the land of Aglarond... and the slavery and human misery overseen by the cruel eyes of the Zulkirs of Thay. I wouldst say there art as many ways for thee to be just or malign, as thy heart wishes, by the Art as by the sword... and thy God surely knows this, for why else would he ask it of thee to take up one and leave alone the other?

hvoVzWN.png


Dialogue said:
wBa5IxV.png
: A Dread Lord? ’Tis not a name I recognize, but with the passing of the lords of strife and murder, the Prince of Lies might well have claimed such a title.
4Jodru6.png
: Answer me!
OVANUSQ.png
: Yes we are.
4Jodru6.png
: Say our dread lord’s name aloud in prayer.
OVANUSQ.png
: By the Black Sun of Cyric.
4Jodru6.png
: Good! You may proceed.

5gjpzPT.png


He tried to escape, but nobody’s getting off of this train alive.

LZ3W1w9.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: What’s wrong?
IctZtQO.png
: What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!? Look around ye! The scum’ve taken me shrine... Clangeddin’s shrine... an’ they’ve given it to Mad Cyric! O’ all the filth ta track into me home, ta bring the Mad God’s worship in here... they’re gonna pay, ye mark me words. They’re all gonna bloody pay!
OVANUSQ.png
: Isn’t there anything we can do here?
IctZtQO.png
: Nay... consecratin’ this shrine’d take a lot longer than we have, an’ I’d need all sorts o’ special holy widgets ta do it, too. Not ta mention we’d need at least a week wi’ a scrubbin’ brush an’ some incense or what-have-you ta get rid o’ the stink o’ Cyric. By Clangeddin, what a mess!
OVANUSQ.png
: We will make them pay for this blasphemy, Yeslick... never fear.
IctZtQO.png
: Aye... Aye! DAVAEORN! Yer death is comin’!

AKkLBp0.png


Dialogue said:
IctZtQO.png
: Ye sick fiend... ye’ve made a pain-house out o’ me home! DIE, YE FILTH!
OVANUSQ.png
: You disgusting animal. Unlike the pathetic slave that you’ve tortured, we can fight back!
KbelmHG.png
: Take your best shot.

QqyMZa3.png


I know this LP hasn’t exactly been the most “detailed” coverage of the base game’s content and I’ve been breezing past a lot of the Cloakwood’s proverbial meat, if you will, but bear in mind I’m compressing approximately six hours of raw footage into a format that’s digestible to the sane human mind. After the fiftieth encounter with the same mob of hobgoblin mages and bandits and the seventieth game of inventory management, forgive me if most of this dungeon is just “hey look Yeslick is talking to a guy again”

0awNq4l.png


I mean, how many times can I show you this before you get the idea? It’s bad

JOSggOt.png


Actually, never mind, this is worse.

JBObmDg.png


It’s worth noting, by the way, that hobgoblin spellcasters drop those Potions of Refreshment I told you about way back in, like, Update 1. Remember? The free rest potions I said “aren’t prohibitively expensive?” Yeah, that assessment was written back when I assumed we’d be going full retard with the gold cheats. They cost, like, 5k each, which is fine if you have something like 50k and don’t have anything else to blow your last 10k on (this happens often) but otherwise you have to rely on getting them as mob loot. The potions are in the random encounter table loot, though, so even if you can’t buy them you’ll inevitably wind up with more than you’ll realistically use.

I2NYvPo.png


Final floor, let’s go. This is where things finally get interesting again. Kind of.

4H9onVw.png


Oh, me from September, you card!

nODcybL.png


Approaching this way was a horrible idea. I should have started by prepping buffs at the entrance. This prerecorded footage is nothing but a looking glass into an abyss of misery and confusion. Oh, me from September, you card!

QDMSJbP.png


That being said, I’ve mentioned already that most mages in Big World have some kind of physical assault squad to back them up and prevent spell failure on their end from direct assault and cause spell failure on your end for the same reasons. Davaeorn’s setup is kind of an odd one, because all of his DPS guys are in this killbox they funnel through before he even notices you exist, so he has to compensate by spamming Dimension Door.

Also, the Black Talon Elites in said killbox drop

Potion of Acid Burst said:
88psCQE.png
: By throwing this potion at a target you bathe them in a highly corrosive acid that eats away at them.



Always wear your safety goglies and rubly gluvs

eQ9hSLb.png


Dialogue said:
IctZtQO.png
: One name o’ ours as ye know, at least, mage - Yeslick Orothiar I am, an’ it sickens me ta think ye’re goin’ ta share the same grave as me kin. Prepare fer the Abyss, Davaeorn!
8CIilLq.png
: Well, well... the fool escapes, does he? Then let us see whose graves shall be filled!
wBa5IxV.png
: Dost not take his words lightly, Archwizard Hank. I sense power about him; he is indeed a mighty magician.
8CIilLq.png
: Now that we are introduced, prepare to die!

njJT2Yx.png


Going to turn the battlesong back on because I haven’t been given any significant reason not to

JBhkyGk.png


Most of the fight is just waiting for Davaeorn to run out of dimension doors. Dark Silvia down here is new on the block.

Z0Yz4oL.png


Figured I’d try firing off a Dispel Magic at him, but unfortunately Dispel Magic isn’t really the right spell for the job. In fact, it’s quite horrible. The spell you really want most of the time is Breach, or maybe Remove Magic. Not that you needed me to tell you that.

ntychcA.png


Tried to summon some insects, but he just keeps 'porting in and out of this room.

JUyH7II.png


Eventually I just charge headlong into it, he’ll keep this game of teleport grabass up forever if you let him.

SKtxj1l.png


Firing off yet another Dispel Effects to no avail. It’s not like it’s a tremendous waste of time or effort, the biggest buff he has is Protection from Normal Weapons, and most of our stuff is +2 or higher. Not exactly as scary as, say, Improved Invisibility or Globe of Invulnerability.

2U8c25P.png


He’s dead before I even realize it or have a chance to do anything fancy. Oh, me from September, you card!

pAb8db5.png


Dialogue said:
OVANUSQ.png
: Unless you have another suggestion.
QlquGX7.png
: Option 3 is tempting, but Waterdeep is a scumbucket and nothing good ever came of the place.
UlqdIjr.png
: Nope. I was going to suggest it myself, if things started slowing down. This’ll be my first time in a real Sword Coast city, instead of quaint little shack clusters like Nashkel. I’m actually kind of...
OVANUSQ.png
: Nervous?
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: Excited, alright? I’m excited. I’m allowed some joy in life. Get off my back.

Alright, time to tally up the spoils of war. We’ve finally leveled up, and this is maybe one of the most important levels of all. I’ve teased this, outright told you it'll happen, and here it is.

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Since I’ve (for some reason) been explaining basic concepts of strategy and mechanics that everyone here probably knows, I might as well go whole hog and quote the BG Wiki’s breakdown of what Improved Alacrity does.

Baldur’s Gate Wikia said:
Improved Alacrity has a reputation as being one of (if not THE) most broken spell in the Baldur's Gate saga, mentioned alongside its common partner in crime Project Image. However, this is probably exaggeration. To understand why is to understand how combat rounds are sequenced in Infinity Engine games.
Each round is 6 seconds long, and those 6 seconds are divided into 10 ticks (approximately 0.6 seconds long). The lower the tick, the earlier an event happens in a round. Once all allowed actions have been completed, a creature must wait until the start of the next round to initiate more actions.
Magic Missile begins casting at tick 0 and is fired at tick 1, after 0.6 real world seconds have passed.
Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting begins casting at tick 0 and is fired at tick 8, after 4.8 real world seconds have passed.
Improved Alacrity bypasses the restriction on spellcasters to begin casting at tick 0, the start of a new round. This means that spells which take a whole round to complete will still take close to a round before casting, while spells with shorter invocations can be emptied quite rapidly. Since weaker spells tend to have shorter casting times, Improved Alacrity lends itself well to spells with a casting time of 0 or 1. Even with the Robe of Vecna and Amulet of Power, which reduces casting time by 5, a spellcaster will only be able to cast 6 Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Wilting in a 2 round period. While that sounds impressive, it still pales in comparison to the raw power of Chain Contingency, which is capable of launching three such spells instantaneously (at tick 0).
This brings up the second flaw of Improved Alacrity: competition. As a Level 10 spell that must be memorized in a Level 9 slot, it is competing against other equally viable spells such as Time Stop, Chain Contingency, and Wish. Unlike those spells, it is very inflexible in use. A spellcaster under the effects of Improved Alacrity is pressured to cast as many spells as possible while it is active, and this pressure will influence spell selection toward more situational choices to best make use of the increased speed. -- Added by Heparin

Daer’Ragh’s Aura Cleansing is literally just a level 4 copy of Improved Alacrity. All of the broken, insane shit the level 9 spell does is now at our disposal without any of the downsides of having to waste a valuable level 9 spell slot. Combined with any items that decrease casting time, and we become a walking magical minigun.

As for items, Dave's new lackey Dark Silvia drops, among other things, the

Cloak of the Assassin said:
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: Cloak of the Assassin was created for use by the deadly assassins of the Shadowmasters. It has never been seen just rumored to exist due to some of the incredible things done by this very elite group of assassins. The Shadowmasters are of the highest order within the Shadow Thief hierarchy.

STATISTICS:

Armor Class: +1 bonus
THACO: +3 bonus
Saving Throws: +1 bonus
Special: offers Non-detection and +5 to Stealth
Weight: 3
Not usable by:

Boots of Ensured Quickness said:
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: These boots are enchanted with the assurance that the wearer will always be swift of foot. The origins of these boots is unknown, but their legend spans the centuries with both noble and bloody tales of their usage.

Dark Silvia’s cohort drops the

Elemental Staff of Fire said:
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: This is one of the four elemental staffs of the Chanah’Rea believed to have been forged at the dawn of time when the earth itself was born. This particular staff is of the element of fire.

STATISTICS:

Damage: 1D6 +3
THACO: +3
Special: AC Bonus +1
Special: 3D4 +1 Fire Damage
Special: Project a bolt of fire
Damage: (Projectile)Fire Damage half if save vs. wands
Damage type: crushing
Weight: 3
Speed Factor: 4
Proficiency Type: Blunt Weapons
Type: 2-handed
Not Usable By:

and

Nemmerle’s Chill said:
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: Nemmerle, an evil necromancer, was said to have made many journeys into the realms of fire. Although he boasted of his natural immunity upon his defeat at the hands of Genshur this ring was found amongst his possessions. Upon touching it you get a sharp cold feeling which lasts only briefly. Careful inspection reveals a command word carved into the ring, and a warning that is partially worn away. The part of the warning that is still intact reads “Power over Fire Lasts Firever”

STATISTICS:

Spells: Gain Protection from Cold
Only usable by:
Evil Alignment

We’re two for two on staves forged at or before the dawn of history.

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Might as well pump this guy for information on the way out, just because.

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Nothing too noteworthy stashed in here aside from some mid-level spell scrolls.

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We’re all clear, kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home.

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HNNNGH YES PRERENDERED REFLECTION EFFECTS MAKE ME COOM

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Dialogue said:
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: That was deftly done, Archwizard Hank, ’twas.
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: He ends the dialogue here, but talks to us again. I’ll spare you another screencap.
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: Aye, it be grand ta be out o’ that cell... grand ta be on the road ta findin’ vengeance fer me kin.
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: Nice to be appreciated. I’m glad we got you out when we did.
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: I can only thank ye fer that. I swore I’d hold on fer as long as I could, but... I worried I did not know how long that could be. This old dwarf’s not as young as he used ta be. An’ if Rieltar’s bullies’d had their way, ol’ Yeslick’d have gone ta meet his kin with nothin’ but sorrow ta give ‘em. An’ I’ll be damned if’n that’s gonna happen!
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: In the meantime, can’t you just enjoy life a bit more? All this talk of vengeance is... depressing.
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: Oh, don’t get me wrong now, I like Faerun lookin’ nice as it does, an’ food an’ ale is welcome, an’ comfy beddin’... but I got a grudge ta pay. I guess somethin’ like that can weigh on yer mind, aye?
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: Yes... I know that too well.
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: Death, truly? Even... murder? So young, an’ already ye’re nursin’ a grudge against yer clan?
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: Yes. My foster father was slain... and I want the head of the man who killed him.
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: I’m grieved ta learn o’ it. I say this ta you, then, Archwizard Hank. You help me find Rieltar an’ his thugs an’ let me take payment in his blood, an’ I’ll swear, in th’ name o’ Clangeddin Twin-axes, in th’ name o’ Moradin Soulforger, an’ I invoke Lady Truesilver ta witness me blood-oath here, that I’ll help ye find this man... an’ I’ll do everythin’ I can ta make sure he does not go unpunished. Deal?
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: I accept.

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Welp, I’m afraid it’s on this cliff that I’m going to have to leave you hanging, dear threadgoers. I have to change my pantaloons, but before I go, as always, here are some more words from our “sponsors...”

 

Fedora Master

Arcane
Patron
Edgy
Joined
Jun 28, 2017
Messages
27,806
Have these people ever read any Fearun lore? Will you find the other staves made at the ~*Dawn of Time*~ in the LP? Can you combine them Pantaloons-style into some sort of quarterstaff voltron?
 
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Archwizard Hank

Learned
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
94
Will you find the other staves made at the ~*Dawn of Time*~ in the LP? Can you combine them Pantaloons-style into some sort of quarterstaff voltron?

The staff of life and the elemental staff of fire are probably from different mods. There really are four elemental staves according to Shadowkeeper, and I have absolutely no fucking clue where the staves of water, air and whatever they chose as the fourth one are supposed to be (the fourth is probably earth but it could just as easily be electricity or something) but as of the current prerecorded footage from last month (up to the werewolf island) I have two elemental staves of fire forged at the dawn of time. Not sure how that happened.

I don't really have a finished update on my hands to cap off this post, so here's a wonderful piece of television history
 

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