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Glass of Water Quest

Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
179
Location
Nairaland
There is a famous Kurt Vonnegut quote I don't care enough to Google that goes something like, "In the beginning of a story somebody has to want something, even if it's just a glass of water." To that end, Grizgul the Barbarian finds himself in search of a glass of water. Note that he has plenty of access to fresh water from the brooks and streams that dot the verdant landscape of Greenmarsh, but he has literally never seen an object made from glass in his life. So what we really need is the cup.

Rumors tell of a great kingdom of burning sands and ashen fields to the east. Perhaps they melt the sand into goblets there. There is also a fabulously wealthy settlement much closer to the west called Hamtropolis, but they won't let you in the gate without a good reason. Twenty summers of brutal campaigns by the coastal dog-headed Reavers into Greenmarsh have granted you a certain warrior's cunning, but at the end of the day Grizgul is still an illiterate retard. Thus we begin our anabasis with decades of combat experience, a skull full of sawdust, and a powerful thirst.

LIKES:
Axes
Clubs
Slings
Napa leather
Exotic drinkware, in theory at least
Swarthy equatorial women
Chewing snarlweed (Contains the addictive alkaloid cathonine, similar to methamphetamine. Grizgul is unaware of this.)

DISLIKES:
Cowardice
Shields (redundant)
Usury
Division of labor
Secular medical practitioners
Reavers and humanoids with dog heads in general, even civilians

INVENTORY:
x1 Unidentified but fancy-looking small sword recently stolen in a raid
x1 Never oiled hauberk in terrible condition
x1 Worsted wool skirt
x1 Pot helmet
x1 Sling
x20 River stones for the sling
x10 Horse meat & blackberry pemmican rations (1 to 5 years shelf life)
x2 Pouches of snarlweed
x0 Gold. Snarlweed is expensive

THIRST GAUGE:
[----X-----]


Three days ago you decided your drinking gourd was lame and threw it in the midden. Since then, you have resolved not to drink any water but from a glass to make the experience all the sweeter. Time is running out. Nobody in Greenmarsh even knows what you are talking about, and you'll soon need to find a glass or compromise, a fate worse than death.

A. Hamtropolis is a day's march from your camp. It is also totally hostile to people who do not follow its sumptuary laws, so showing up in war panoply instead of peasant rags may get you arrested. Still, it's the "safe" option and even if there are no snifters, maybe you can pawn this fancy sword. (Cost: 1 day, 1 ration, 1 thirst)

B. Deep within the Sodden Mire of Greenmarsh lives an oracle known as the Ukrash Elder. It's a long shot, but the barbarian tribes always go to him in times of great need. The Ukrash's advice could point you in the right direction. Hell, he might even just have a glass to give you after some trivial obeisance like clipping his toenails. (Cost: 2 days, 2 rations, 2 thirst)

C. You didn't spend 70% of your life turning Reavers into cartel gore just to cuck out over a little dehydration. If east be where the glass flows, then east is where Grizgul goes. It's probably way far east, in which case you'll need to cross the Shatlantic Ocean. You'll surely run into a clan of Reavers by the coast, and with a touch of elbow grease you'll be captain of your own sloop in no time. Who cares if the ocean voyage may take months? (Cost: 3 days, 3 rations, 3 thirst)

TIP: Without rations to spend you will begin to starve, though there is no meter. Without water, your thirst meter will increase by one pip daily and kill you at maximum, but there are also other ways to increase/decrease this meter such as sweating too much or being transmuted into a camel by Reaver black magic. Days spent only matter when you are on a timer for something.

 

Nevill

Arcane
Joined
Jun 6, 2009
Messages
11,211
Shadorwun: Hong Kong
DISLIKES:
Shields (redundant)
Fool! If you had a buckler, it could have doubled as a fancy cup!

B. Deep within the Sodden Mire of Greenmarsh lives an oracle known as the Ukrash Elder. It's a long shot, but the barbarian tribes always go to him in times of great need. The Ukrash's advice could point you in the right direction. Hell, he might even just have a glass to give you after some trivial obeisance like clipping his toenails. (Cost: 2 days, 2 rations, 2 thirst)

When in doubt, go for some mushroom fortune telling.
 

baud

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 11, 2016
Messages
3,992
Location
Septentrion
RPG Wokedex Strap Yourselves In Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag. Pathfinder: Wrath I helped put crap in Monomyth
B. Deep within the Sodden Mire of Greenmarsh lives an oracle known as the Ukrash Elder. It's a long shot, but the barbarian tribes always go to him in times of great need. The Ukrash's advice could point you in the right direction. Hell, he might even just have a glass to give you after some trivial obeisance like clipping his toenails. (Cost: 2 days, 2 rations, 2 thirst)

Crom dislike enfeebled magic user, but this might know where to find some glass
 
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
179
Location
Nairaland
It is unanimous then, B it is.

After almost getting stuck inside a shithouse that was randomly placed in the middle of the swamp, you forge deeper into the Sodden Mire* and approach the Ukrash's camp. Here the flies sting like the briars and seem to exist almost as a solid wall at times. The night is getting dark, and you will likely have to share the camp with the musty old elder. Here's hoping he makes for a solid roomie.

You're just about to sit by the dead fire when a voice croaks out.

"Grizgul... Grizgul, fetch me some water boy, I know you are there..."

"What?! Reveal yourself, welter-witch!" you say, drawing the fancy stolen sword.

"Grizgul, you're standing on my hand son... aaahhh... it hurts..."

You look down and realize the "dead campfire" you were just about to light is the Ukrash himself. Dilapidated by age, the ancient being now stands the height and width of a smallish tortoise. He is so encrusted with the black of the peaty mud that under the moonlight his robes drag like wounded bat wings as he walks. It is the perfect disguise. If he willed it, you would be dead already.

"How did you know it was me?"

"I recognize that smell... anywhere." he says.

INVENTORY:
x1 Unidentified but fancy-looking small sword
x1 Never oiled hauberk in terrible condition
x1 Worsted wool skirt, now with muddy hem
x1 Pot helmet
x1 Sling
x20 River stones for the sling
x8 Horse meat & blackberry pemmican rations
x2 Pouches of snarlweed
x0 Gold

THIRST GAUGE:
[------X---]


It becomes clear over the course of the evening that the elder remembers everyone he ever encounters, even years later as in your case. You haven't been here since before your first Reaver kill, back when Weird Uncle Thraamdreg had the Ukrash officiate his marriage "to do things the old way". This chatter is tiresome and you can deny your thirst no longer!

A. What was that about fetching him some water? Turns out there is a tree strump filled with rainwater just a few enticing steps away. After respectfully doling out a ladle to the old man, you consider taking a sip. This is it. The test that sorts the champions from the chaff. No, no, you won't be a punk. Not now, not ever. The elder gleans your predicament with preternatural sense, then offers to scry the location of the closest thing to a glass vessel within one day's journey.
The inaccurate ritual requires blood (yours) though, so if it cocks up you are now out 2 Thirst instead of 1 with nothing to show for it. When picking this option, roll 1d6. If this option is voted in by the majority, the DC = the number of rolls x3. For example if this option is successfully voted in by three people, they must each roll 1d6 and the total of their three rolls is used against DC9.
(Cost: 1 day, 1 ration, 2 thirst)


B. Need to get around to identifying that sword, so Hamtropolis or the like will be a necessity sooner or later. The elder mentions that you could cover yourself in mud and make like the peat cutters who sell their fuel in the markets there, and offers a warding charm against suspicious guards if you want to go this route. In return he demands your pot helmet and a prayer to the gods. (Cost: 2 days, 2 rations, 2 thirst)

C. A flash of inspiration strikes. The Ukrash Elder deserves better. Much better. You could boil the water from the stump into snarlweed tea and share it with him in an elaborate ceremony for his help. If you happen to get hydrated in the process, how was it your fault? No man is lower than who dishonors his elders. Then you could just dance the night away together, yes, dancing is quite attractive after a hunk of snarlweed. (Cost: 1 day, 1 ration, 4 thirst replenished + You are now mildly tweaking.)

D. Kill yourself. We know that this is always an option, but is it ever the answer?

Suitably foreboding swamp music:



*Technically not a mire.
 

Tigranes

Arcane
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
10,350
A. Grizgul will not resort to petty tricks, at least not until he has shortened his lifespan considerably from dehydration.
 

vazha

Arcane
Joined
Aug 24, 2013
Messages
2,063
A, although I am very keen on a tea-drinking barbarian choice as well.
Good lp, enjoyable read, will be keeping an eye
 

Nevill

Arcane
Joined
Jun 6, 2009
Messages
11,211
Shadorwun: Hong Kong
C. A flash of inspiration strikes. The Ukrash Elder deserves better. Much better. You could boil the water from the stump into snarlweed tea and share it with him in an elaborate ceremony for his help. If you happen to get hydrated in the process, how was it your fault? No man is lower than who dishonors his elders. Then you could just dance the night away together, yes, dancing is quite attractive after a hunk of snarlweed. (Cost: 1 day, 1 ration, 4 thirst replenished + You are now mildly tweaking.)

We are a very refined barbarian.
 
Joined
May 28, 2021
Messages
179
Location
Nairaland
Five votes for A = DC15, which was handily passed by the total of 23. I counted vazha's result as 4 since you only needed one die and 4 was your first one.

The ritual, which was shall we say more invasive than Grizgul had hoped, goes off magically :cool: The hermit is able to successfully scry the nearest location of a glass vessel for containing water which is... Roly Poly Hill. You've passed there a million times. There's nothing there, it's just a hill covered in rock formations that make it look like a giant pillbug.

"Are you sure?"

"I see a great many glass vessels filled to their brims... entire lifetimes of water in glasses, I am sure. But the way is locked... when you arrive at the mouth of the Roly Poly, speak this incantation: OPEN SESAME!"

INVENTORY:
x1 Unidentified but fancy-looking small sword
x1 Never oiled hauberk in terrible condition
x1 Soiled worsted wool skirt
x1 Pot helmet
x1 Sling
x20 River stones for the sling
x7 Horse meat & blackberry pemmican rations
x2 Pouches of snarlweed
x0 Gold

THIRST GAUGE:
[--------X-]


Roly Poly Hill is just past the edge of Sodden Mire so you arrive by dusk to bellow "OPEN SESAME!" at every mouthlike formation you can find. Just as you start to curse the elder's deception, a gaping maw opens in the ground. Directly beneath you. Tumbling down. As your impotent screams ring out into the twilight, you realize you have never taken three wenches at once and now you never will.

But death is not to be. A massive splash resounds and Grizgul is lying on a shore made of his coveted glass, then the elder's vision begins to take shape: it was here under Roly Poly Hill thousands of summers ago that the earth vomited forth torrents of molten rock which turned into black glass when they touched a subterranean river. There are numerous deep pits in the glassy shore filled with water, from which you are free to drink! Great success! Thirst completely quenched, gauge set to zero! You may now choose one of the following feats:

  • Immaculate Hydrohomie - Your iron will has paid off, and now you have an affinity for your half-bloated state. Add +2 to all combat rolls as long as your thirst gauge remains below half.

  • Man's Worst Enemy - Word about a certain terrifying barbarian has gotten out and the Reavers are shook. Reavers will now avoid you no matter their numbers, giving you the opportunity to strategize against them from afar. Whenever Reavers are encountered in the story, you should try making proactive suggestions about if/how to deal with them.

  • Golden Boy - The next time you arrive at a populated area, a youth will appear and request apprenticeship. What kind of person signs up to be an apprentice barbarian is another matter though.

Not only is there obsidian-flavored water down here, but sections of worked wall (and the fact that you just fell down a slapstick Pharaoh trap) indicate that Roly Poly Hill hosts an ancient tomb. While Roly Poly Tomb may make a good camp, you can't exactly take an entire cavern floor with you as your drinking gourd. Thus the hunt continues. 28 gold picked up off the ground. You are at a fork in the cave:

A. Luckily it's not pitch black on account of the hole in the ceiling, plus the looming cavern entrance to your left. A few moonrays trickle in from there and reflect off more gold coins on the floor deeper inside. The walls are natural stone and obsidian. You didn't lose anything in the fall, but you don't have a torch so caution might be key. You go into the brightest and presumably safest left door which has gold coins and moonlight. (Cost: ???)

B. The right path is much darker so you'll probably have to backtrack, but the masonry here is impressive. You could swear there's a glimmer of something just beyond the threshold. Treasure? Grizgul hopes it's an axe. There is also a dull moaning sound emanating from this path, but it could just be in your head. It probably is, that was a long fall. Oh and lookie there, a cute little rock lizard just skittered off to the right. They taste like chicken. That settles it, in we go. (Cost: ???)




Lava tubes formed 700,000 years ago in Flagstaff, Arizona.
 

vazha

Arcane
Joined
Aug 24, 2013
Messages
2,063
golden boy for more interacshuns & B obviously, bring on the moaning danger
 

baud

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 11, 2016
Messages
3,992
Location
Septentrion
RPG Wokedex Strap Yourselves In Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag. Pathfinder: Wrath I helped put crap in Monomyth
Golden Boy

B. The right path is much darker so you'll probably have to backtrack, but the masonry here is impressive. You could swear there's a glimmer of something just beyond the threshold. Treasure? Grizgul hopes it's an axe. There is also a dull moaning sound emanating from this path, but it could just be in your head. It probably is, that was a long fall. Oh and lookie there, a cute little rock lizard just skittered off to the right. They taste like chicken. That settles it, in we go. (Cost: ???)
 

Ranselknulf

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Nov 28, 2012
Messages
1,879,485
Location
Best America
PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire Make the Codex Great Again! Grab the Codex by the pussy Insert Title Here RPG Wokedex Strap Yourselves In Codex Year of the Donut Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag.
B

Immaculate Hydrohomie
(Avoiding reavers seems dishonorable, and who wants a fagget apprentice following you around, unless its a fairy apprentice and this goes berserk style ofc)
 

Nevill

Arcane
Joined
Jun 6, 2009
Messages
11,211
Shadorwun: Hong Kong
  • Man's Worst Enemy
B. The right path
 

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