[NSFW] OpenXcom Piratez. Grrrl power, ahoy!

[Radech]

#6 never inhales, but there's always smoke around her.

Let's call her Jill?

 

[Endemic]

I'll wait for the next wave of cannon fodder squaddies.

 

[Demo.Graph]

I'm pinging to note that update is half-written and will be ready soon(tm).

Cross my heart.

I've been on a week-long business trip, wading through bikini babes, drinking like a true Russian and getting ovations. Still need some R&R after that.

 

[Demo.Graph]

Chapter 6. A little in the head

Ambient (Really Slow Motion - Deadwood)

Spoiler

I was rummagin' through the gear that those Academy hoes left behind. Look.

Spoiler

Doesn't seem like they'd stop following us.

Nope. Who's that Dr. X?

One of the Academy bigwigs we ran away from... Did you do something with the captives?

Not yet. I was organizing the loot.

Cap'n, I need you over here!

Coming!

You're doing good. But don't make dem prisoners wait too much.

She runs away.

Drat.

What is it?

Academy bus is over the Europe again. Maybe a regular mission, maybe not.

Call the gals. Send them packing. I'm joining them as soon as I can.

Are we intercepting this one as well?

Yes. We'll trail them until they land some place convenient and jump on 'em.

What about Chef?

Spoiler

We're going in without her.

Soon, somewhere in the wilds.

Ambient (Celtic Music - Part of the Pack)

Spoiler

Awright, gals. We did it before. Remember, hit and run.

Danger!

Wall on wall formed almost spontaneously.

Gals prevailed in a quick scuffle. Four failed to down her enemy, but Lucia helped.

Jill crashed her target in one strike.

Two more!

It was three. Jill downed another one in one strike again.

Guess I'm not that old after all.

Cointoss exchanged blows with the enemy. They went rolling in the dirt, but uber constitution prevailed.

Karen downed the last one.

And all was over in three minutes.

Spoiler

Girls got the loot. Then Lucia flew the bus back to the hideout, while Cointoss and Karen, dazed, rolled all over the prisoners.

Brainers ran in hangar as the bus landed.

Brigid, you're the acting captain. BAAARF.

Ew. Benefits of favoritism?

Benefits of humanities.

BAAARF. Sorry to interrupt you, missus... whoever you're. BAAARF.

Somebody, take her out of here! And me too.

She faints. Chef runs in.

The heck is going on?

Aww, did you miss us?

Not you, hun. What's happened?

A brawl happened. Unpleasant but not deadly.

I'd say, they both have light concussions. They'll be good in a week or so. Somebody, help me get them to the bunks.

Spoiler

Wait. We'll get them. For you we brought another 7 prisoners.

What? We don't have any free cells!

Spoiler

It's more of those academy chicks. Just do what you did the last time.

Oh.

And what's the heck with you two?

We're discussing Annie's cunning plan of turning prisoners into money.

Yeah.

Show them your rage, gal.

That I will. Don't untie them. Leave them in the bus, I'll... [she looks inside] Ugh. What's the stench?

Cap'n.

Too bad. They might go on a discount.

Spoiler

Several days later, in the medbay.

Ambient (youtube - Moon River Relaxing Kalimba)

Spoiler

So. How is it?

Still dizzy. Karen has a tougher time.

Well, yeah. She vomited so much yesterday, Lucia wanted to fuel the bus with it.

What? But it's... Oh. Poor gal.

You probably want some head protection next time.

We'll find something.

I think I saw some styrofoam in one of the passageways.

I was thinking about something else.

Rubber?

Our future.

That's commendable.

Oh, shut up. I have trouble concentrating without your nitpicks.

I can see that.

My dream brought us here and I suspect that someone uses us in their interests.

Perfidious, no doubt.

I said shut up. So. That someone led us to this base. That someone had persuaded fancypants to give us money. That someone is going to come to us sooner or later and ask for something in return.

I'm pretty sure we won't be able to promise any future babies.

Mum's the word!

And we're still being hunted by our former owners. You're likely hunted as well. Nobody is going to help us unless we find some security in the zone.

Spoiler

Or, more likely, we have to create that security. And we won't be able to do it as a team three dozen strong. We need some incentive to attract more bodies.

Pretty ones?

If need be.

Boann will be elated.

Now, don't interrupt me. We need more bodies. So I'm introducing ranks. With wages. Here's the rough sketch.

Spoiler

We six are the main proprietors. I'll make up some ownership scheme later.

Don't you want to include us in this "ownership scheme"?

Don't you brainiacs want to stop milking us off?

Such passion. I told you, getting information network is expensive and we need those subscriptions and lab consumables. When you subtract all the expenses...

Yes or no?

No. Maybe. Go on.

So you're still paycheck partners.

I'd prefer pillow partners. The abbreviation is the same.

We also need to offer people something besides stupid money. Something that would make us different from all the mooks'n'gooks that shit all over the wastes. We need to offer them a goal in life.

Pillowing you?

Cointoss headshots Brigid with a pillow.

Give it back. Good. We'd turn ourselves into a free haven for all the unwanted and oppressed, for all who run from tyranny of the Star Gods and mediocrity of the governments. When you join us, all crimes against the oppressors will be forgiven. You'll get a chance to begin anew and create another life, a life lived according to our ideals. We'll become a haven of free will, free thought...

Free sex!

If you don't shut up I'll definitely whore you out!

Tough words for one not able to stand straight.

And we'll stand strong and proud. And stuff. Here, I've sketched some areas of our cultural development.

Spoiler

You wrote it all down while you was in bed?

Yah.

That explains why it's so fucked up.

Maybe you have to be a lil' in the head to have a proper vision. So, what do you think?

I think it's the most outlandish idea I've heard in a long time. It might just work.

Great. I'll ask somebody to make some posters. And you, I want you to add details.

Details?

A rough outline won't do. We need a proper pirate code with property laws, retributions... and an explanation why too much free speech might lead to an oral punishment of a kind. And you're guilty.

No.

Yes. You're the one who specializes in humanities, aren't you?

Yes.

I knew you'll agree. Now come here.

Technical

I've played through this update before you gave me your callsigns. They'd appear properly in the next update.

 

[Radech]

Just to clear up any possible misconceptions, upon further review it was revealed that the two unfortunate souls to unfortunately depart in Jill's company, did so voluntarily and premeditated, as forensic evidence shows that the hits inflicted upon the lower back of their cranium, were self-inflicted. Furthermore farewell notes were discovered on the bodies of the deceased, wherein the deceased contemplated the heavy toll on their conscience, caused by living as bigoted troglodytes in [current year].

tragic indeed.

 

[Helly]

Lucky you, we already have a new version of both XPiratez and OXCE. I'm sure there won't be any game-breaking bugs this time (spoilers : some have already been found, but those have already been corrected and an additionnal version released)

 

[Demo.Graph]

Chapter 7. A Rat Rattle

Ambient (Battletoads and Double Dragon - Stage 2, 3 - dendy cover - на баяне)

Spoiler

What do you want so late?

I want to propose you a pirating adventure.

Meaning?

I've intercepted some comms from a local tribe of ratmen.

Who's that?

What do you mean "who"?

Don't mind her. [Jill lights a smoke] She's been sleeping at classes.

Sod off!

Ratmen are a stable mutant branch. Small, petty, bad short-term memory.

Like gobs?

You may say so.

Do they vibrate?

I suggest you to raid them, not shank them!

Are they rich like gobs?

They're thieves, smugglers and squeaky little shits.

Spoiler

So they're somewhat rich. Occasionally. They got a stash with them right now.

Is it far?

Two hours tops.

Does captain know?

She's asleep. I didn't want to bother her. And you're the second pilot. It's your call.

So it comes to three of us still standing.

Yep.

So, gals. What do you think?

I've heard they're good shots.

We did good last times. Pretty sure we'd throw these maggots around. And they should have more chips than pimps or nursies do.

I'm in!

Jill?

I'm in. But let's be cautious, aha?

Ahoy.

Ambient (Battletoads & Double Dragon - Tail of the Ratship (Remix))

The bus had touched the ground when the comm went live.

They saw you.

Windows.

See one! What a freak!

Move!

There were more than one.

Gunfire!

I dash!

Only darkness seemed to save her from bullet spreads from at least four directions.

Back! Back!

Fuck!

Bullets knocked at the bus as if it was raining.

I can't lift my 'acking 'ead!

Ratmen! I told you!

I'm getting us out of here!

Wait!

What?

A parting gift!

Gotcha!

Go already!

Fuck!

Spoiler

An hour later.

Are you out of your mind?! Did you gave us a touchdown in a middle of a firing line?

I have no idea! The info seemed good!

We've hired you for a professional intelligence job, not the minimum wage one!

They were supposed to be...

They were supposed to be piece of cake! And you were supposed to provide us with reliable intel! You've told us!..

They're not like gobs at all!

Ratmen. I told you.

Quiet! That walk was my responsibility, so I'm the one talking! [she took a breath] And I say it was a mistake. We should've prepared better. Better intel. More people. Bigger guns. [she took another breath] And we'll do it better next time. Now, you all go and rest. All's ended up nicely. Nobody's hurt.

Should I tell the captain?

No. I'll do it.

Sure?

I'm sure I won't ever come to that establishment again.

Technical

I find it kinda hard to write speeches for a believable Karen. Because I don't quite get all the hype. I'm thinking about diluting it with some generic bitching.

Also, guys, what's that obsession with tired and unsatisfied MILFs? Are you all fastfood employees or is it some kind of hatefuck kink I don't understand?

 

[Luka-boy]

Technical

Also, guys, what's that obsession with tired and unsatisfied MILFs? Are you all fastfood employees or is it some kind of hatefuck kink I don't understand?

Spoiler

What's so hard to understand about a hatefuck kink?

 

[Demo.Graph]

Chapter 8. A pirate I was meant to be

Next day at the prison

Ambient (Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder - Solo Acoustic Guitar - Arranged by Kent Nishimura)

Spoiler

I'll ask again. How did ya capture that girl?

The pimp and his cronies did that!

And how did they found her?

I told you, I don't know!

A pretty girl like you must have a way to know what's going on around her.

You talk like you know a lot about our job. But I don't know! Me and the other girls were moved there only recently.

Spoiler

Liar! [pinches her nose]

Aw! It's true! Let me go! Let me go!

She told us ya was one of her torturers. Speak!

My nose! My nose!

Speak! Or I'll break it!

They made me do this! They told me they'll count it against my debt!

Didn't seem like you did it reluctantly!

I had to! I had to! Let me go!

Hmpf.

Oh, god, thank you.

Aight. Let's try that again. How did she turned out in your brothel?

I've heard they brought her handcuffed and unconscious one night. I didn't seen it! They put her in the basement, not in our rooms.

And?

And there was gossiping! But nobody knew nothing!

"Nobody knew nothing!" You keep telling me you don't even know the name of the city you were in!

But it's true! My parents traded me for food from the priest and he sold me to!..

Ugh. You're useless.

I told you! I don't know anything! Let me go!

But I can't. Not anymore. I've wasted my time on you. I need a compensation.

You talk like one of us again.

[SLAP SLAP SLAP]

Wait! Wait! [SLAP] I have some money!

[SLAP] I'm pretty sure!.. [SLAP] It won't be enough!.. [SLAP] You bitch! [SLAP]

It will be! It will!

[SLAP SLAP] Now look what you've done. [SLAP] My hands got all red and itchy. [SLAP] Should I whip you now?

Spoiler

We have one in the storage, taken from the same brothel. Nobody used it yet. Too kinky.

No! Wait! I'll talk to other girls for you!

[SLAP] Go on.

I'll persuade them to give up their savings if you'll let us go.

And if it won't be enough, [SLAP] you'll work that dirty [SLAP] whore [SLAP] mouth of yours. [SLAP] Until it will be.

I will, I will. [sniff] Don't hit me anymore.

A little while later, outside the cells.

That did sound like fun. Did you spank her boobs?

Oh, shut up, will you! I feel so dirty.

Her ass then.

Ugh!

You know, next time you can try nonphysical coercion. It won't leave your hands swollen.

I'll think about it.

Cheer up. You might even come to like it. In time.

Ugh!

Spoiler

Next day in the still

Ambient (Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel - Fingerstyle Guitar(Kent Nishimura))

Spoiler

Lis'n up, gals! Chef! Chef! Give everyone some booze!

All right, all right, gals! Take one, take two! Alcohol is vital to our survival, so take plenty!.. Dinosaurs didn’t have any and look what happened to them. Take nine!..

Awright erryone! Now drink and shut up! BLOODY SHUT UP I SAY!

Right. As you know, we've had an unsanctioned excursion recently...

[whistles and catcalling]

...That led to some extraordinary plumbing maintenance. So I'm glad to tell you all that the washroom on the second floor works again.

[woops and waahs]

Yep. And Lucie had vowed to keep it... how shall I put it... nice and lucid for the next month.

[more whistles]

...

Now. That trip had also showed one thing very clearly. We have a problem with manpower.

Womanpower?

Bryanna?

And womanpower as well. Captain also asked me to work out the consequences of that trip. So I've been datamining for the last 60 hours almost without any sleep and...

Cut it.

...And I believe that you gals won't be able to handle the load of the future missions alone.

[boos]

No! Listen! You need time for R&R...

I don't! I like bashing stuff!

You will. You'll also need time to heal sooner or later. And right now every wound means we get a hole in the crew.

We also have obligations before our sponsors. They were docile so far, but they would surely ask some head bashing favors from us soon. I don't want to be asked to do something at a time when everyone is too drunk or wounded to man the craft.

Yes. So I have an idea. We can get some mercenaries. On the black market there're lowgrade mutant males aplenty. We'll be able to hire 'em in pretty much limitless numbers.

Dime a dozen?

Not exactly like that but they do come cheaply. We've also managed to get noticed by some goblins...

Don't look at me!

...and they'd blabbered enough for us to get some reputation amongst the unwashed but muscular masses.

Are we sure we want to admit outsiders to our private facilities?

Your "facilities" are not so private, ma'am.

And yours are so filled with goblin snot they could've been a public washroom.

What did you just said, bitch?

I said that somebody should clean up your tubes prop'ly!

Enough! Bry?

So, males carry some risk with them. There's an alternative. I've heard that there's a self-help network for ubergals somewhere. They look after lost souls and try to find them a new home. They're secretive and we might need a lot of time to contact them, but there's a chance we'd be able to get a lot of uber gals to join us.

What's the catch?

No males allowed.

So it's a choice that changes our fate forever?

Well, if you want to go all fairytale... Yeah.

I'm against males. Their run around waving their egos everywhere and get in your business and when they get stuck you can't get rid of them with mere wrenching.

Oh, gal...

What? Oh... Oh! I didn't mean that! You perv! I mean they're lousy engineers, that's all!

You seem to have a lot of experience with their tools.

No, I'm not!

Gals! Gals! We have to make a decision! Are we ready to invite the males for convenience even though it might scare other gals away? Or do we bide our time and try to become all female piratez? Are we ready to accept other people in the team at all? I want you all to give it some proper braining. We'll meet to vote in three days. I want everyone to decide and decide properly.

Spoiler

(Fe)males?

DECISION TIEM

Here's music to help you make a choice. (Curse of Monkey Island "A Pirate I was meant to be!")

The choices are mutually exclusive.
A. Gals are superior! Grrrl power, ahoy!
This choice would allow us to hire an unlimited amount of uber gals after a long research time. They're strong, fast, tough, have boobs and are awesome. They make good melee fighters and so are great for capturing pops to ransom later.

B. We need a male touch It's a man's world! And I want a meatshield to protect my precious body!
This choice would allow to hire an unlimited amount of male "slave soldiers" (SS) after a medium research time. They cost about 30% of a gal (with gear) and are a complete equivalent of rookies from vanilla X-COM. This choice would also provide us with an early large transport in a spirit of Skyranger (12 seats, slow, no aircraft weapons, but has a minigun embedded tactical missions). SS have little AP, so they're lousy kidnappers, but okay shooters.

AP in X-COM

In case you don't know, X-COM works on an action point (AP) system. Moving and melee strikes cost a fixed amount of AP. Shooting costs a percentage of a total AP budget for a unit. So units with many APs move farther and strike more often, but shoot as fast as everyone else.
There're exceptions of course.

C. Delay the decision! We have our prestigious little crew and it's enough! Invest in what we have!
I'll research an opportunity to hire female peasants - they're rookies that shoot badly. This research is fast and would allow to spend brainer time on getting better gear sooner. It won't block the first two choices, we'll postpone them.

Technical

Wiki and people on discord state that B is harder than A. I don't think it's necessarily the case. I think that the choice is more about style.
A is more choppa. It allows for the more unique piratez gameplay.
B is more dakka. It would lead to a more vanilla X-COM experience. It will be easier for me to form squads for gals and move to squad-based audience choices earlier.
I think I'll make new players (in case I'll get some!) to choose male "clans" so that if their rookie gets killed, he could be replaced.
On the other hand, I'm not sure I'm ready to roleplay this.

Spoiler

But I'll manage.
In both cases uber gals and male soldiers would become available later in the game (I've read that male prisoners can be enslaved with later tech and gals obviously can be acquired during missions).

Since the choice might affect new readers as well as existing ones, the voting is going to be layered.

There're 9-11 votes.
2 NPC votes. The leader of the runts,

votes A. The brainer,

votes B.

4 votes, 1 for each gal. Baud, Luka-boy, Azira, Radech.
1 vote for

. Should someone choose her before voting is over, he may vote for her. If not, she abstains.
1 optional vote for a prisoner gal that should join us soon, if someone chooses her. If nobody does, she doesn't participate.

2 votes for brainers,

,

. If somebody decides to vote without choosing a gal, I'll distribute their votes proportionally among these two.
1 vote for captain Cointoss. I'll join the majority or break ties. If all else fails, I'll toss a coin.

Luka-boy, an additional decision for you.

DECISION TIEM

That little brat, Four, keeps picking on you in front of everyone. She says that you wear a lingerie on your face. While it may or may not be true, attracting attention to that is really rude. And you can't even file a complaint on her! Maybe something has to be done?
1. Yes, I'll wait for an opportunity to fuck her up properly.
2. No, the pup is harmless and we're the same crew. I'll talk it out with her.
If you choose 2, state whether you're going to threaten her, bribe, swoon or something else.

 

[Azira]

A and 1.

 

[Demo.Graph]

I've clarified the text. The last one is for Luka only.

 

[Azira]

I've rectified my vote then.

 

[Radech]

B While I generally prefer choppa over dakka, that minigun sounds tempting, also a pirate should prioritize her ship.

 

[Luka-boy]

A - Men are only worthwile as servants and sex slaves. And in the future maybe we´ll get one of the events where you recruit a male hero that will be worthy of a Codexer name.

2 - With a twist.

Spoiler

Lucia will seemingly try smooth things out with her, even complimenting her haircut! Then will badmouth her behind her back every chance she gets while preparing an "Accident" that will trap Four in the Hellerium detritus shaft below the Extractor for a few hours. That´ll show the bitch!

Might even become the inspiration for a nice new initiation ceremony for new Gals

 

[baud]

A. Gals are superior! Grrrl power, ahoy

sounds more fun this way

 

[Demo.Graph]

Since nobody else seems to be interested and we have a clear majority (even counting ligtbane's vote from the first page), poll's closed. Gals it is.
The result was predictable.

Spoiler

 

[Demo.Graph]

Chapter 9. No Man but Ironman

Ambient (Leonard Cohen - Tower of Song)

Spoiler

Lis'n up! We have a mission from our benefactors!

Spoiler

So they woke up after all.

Yes. Thankfully, it's nothing too serious. Brigid.

We got contacted by the military of Canada of all places.

Canada?

Yes. The feudals up north on the other side of planet. Crazy sick people, they have night when it's day over here... They've noticed that their neighbours from California Republic...

Who?

Do you know anything? Like, anything?

No, wait, the question is legitimate. I'll tell. Calis they're... They're almost like Canadians. Not as sick cuz they live in a warm climate, but a little crazy from all the overheating. Or maybe it's their culture. They've probably been a big center of thinkers some time before the great war. They developed all kinds of social engineering technologies: advertising and propaganda, virtualtech, new drugs. Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixture dementia fuit. Today not that much thinking has left but freaks remain... Anyway, Calis had built a radar post not that far from their official border. Canadians suspect some foul play. And they can't destroy the outpost personally, since their airforce is monitored by neighbours nonstop. That's where we come into play.

What exactly do we have to do?

We have to disable the equipment and dispose of the team, make sure that outpost is completely unoperable.

We get in, capture everyone and take everything that's not walls. Canadians had promised to pay for any prisoners at the slave market price. We might get some good money. 'specially if we get any brainiacs. So let's try to do it without damaging the goods.

There's a catch, though. Canadians say, there's some kind of droid defending the door.

An advanced one?

Unlikely. Those cultists are rather savage. But you better get a handcannon or two with you.

I'll take it. Erryone else, gather your stuff, we fly in an hour. But before that...

We got to talk dem males. You 'ad plenty of time to think 'bout it. Spew it out. One by one. Chef!

It's said that you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.

So?

We aren't making an omelette here. We don't need eggs. No males.

Agree. Purity first.

I don't know. Purity is overrated.

And your vote is?

Males are overrated as well!

Karen?

But I don't understand what did she meant when she said we don't need no eggs! We need them! I need them! I like my ovaries, thank you very much!

[groan]

Your private parts are not in danger here, Four.

What do you mean not in danger? Maybe you don't know biology as well as I do, but I do know that I'm full of eggs and not intend to change it, no ma'am!

Enough, Four. Karen?

I really want to make a contact with other ubers. Maybe help them. No males.

I want boys.

A-a-and we have a special opinion here!

You, girls, don't know what you miss. Men aren't only fun, they can be easily turned into our protectors. Bullet catchers. Pack mules.

Can't we do with field robotics?

Can we? I don't remember seeing any around here.

Well, not right now. But I'm working on getting some.

Who needs boys when you have toys!

Right. It's decided then.

Don't you want to hear our votes?

They already have a majority.

And captain's word. So, Bryann, try to get us a contact of that self-help society you've been talking about. Let's see what they do.

It won't be soon.

I'm not in a hurry.

Ambient (Deep Forest - Hunting)

Spoiler

Spoiler

Canadians say, those guys sit tight in their tower and never go out. And it's only half a dozen of them or so. So the only thing we need is to get in and bash everyone inside.

Spoiler

The bus crawled between the low mountains and landed a couple of ridges away from their target. Quick jog through the dark and gals had reached an awkward little tower. Something was standing near the door. A statue?

Let us pass!

Do you hear me?

Well, hello there, ironman.

Maybe he needs a riddle solved? His ego stroked?

Step aside, willya?

What?

In one swing captain had crushed the scarecrow. It went down the hill, clanking.

What a letdown.

Move!

There were shrieks from above and some random shots down the ladder shaft.

Get ready!

Ready!

Gals, do you need any help?

On my mark!

Right. I'll go for a walk then.

Mark!

Piece of!..

Shit!

What?

Someone wasn't home after all. I'll get him.

Wait!

What?

They downed all the fanatics without me. I'll help you with that one.

Right, come... But he's still mine. If this tower is the only phallic object I'll see in a while...

BLAM

Spoiler

 

[Luka-boy]

Any worthwhile loot, Cap'n?

In the very early game, even the shittiest ranged weapon can be useful in a jiffy.

 

[baud]

They developed all kinds of social engineering technologies: advertising and propaganda, virtualtech, new drugs. Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixture dementia fuit. Today not that much thinking has left but freaks remain...

 

[Demo.Graph]

Any worthwhile loot, Cap'n?

In the very early game, even the shittiest ranged weapon can be useful in a jiffy.

1 spraygun, 2 varmint rifles (unresearched, so no idea about their efficiency), 1 bandit smg (same), 3 las chargers and several small or rusty pistols and shotguns.
I'm not sure we'll be able to get ammo for them, since I still don't have merchant contracts. And each of those has only 1 or 2 clips (and I don't want to use end mission ammo bug; if it still works).

Who needs guns when we have looks that kill!

 

[Luka-boy]

Yeah, nothing really good but that's to be expected.

In this very early game, the SMGs can be fine as a backup if for whatever reason you want to shoot a few rounds at an unarmored target point blank instead of meleeing them, and the varmints can be useful to get some long range shots if you get certain bug hunts.

Rusty pistols I found useful a little bit later once you can restore them. They can be an okay weapon for rookies in the early game until you get more ammo for heavier pistols.

 

[Demo.Graph]

Chapter 10. Not a Kitty.

Ambient (Jimmy Sax - No Man No Cry (live))

Spoiler

These six hour flights...

Yah, my legs are as numb as junkie.

Maybe now you'll see my point about males.

Being?

We could've ordered them to give us massages.

We can force Four to touch you any way you like.

What?

Nothing. Sleep, little one.

Whoducalllittlermrmmm...

We could've sent them on these long missions and had fun at the hideout instead.

It's much more fun here.

Really? Where?

Our trips into the unknown, over the horizon... It's so romantic!

Hmpf.

Speaking 'bout horizon. We're getting down.

Finally. I can't wait to stretch.

Nobody goes anywhere.

What?

We have a profit opportunity.

Now?

What? Now what? Yaaawn.

I've found some mention of shamblers in the feeds.

Who?

Snow shamblers. An ursine strain, long fur, prefer cold climate, pretty rare.

And valuable. Their hides cost a lot on the black market. Gobs and purebloods like to wear them for style.

Oooh. Are they in our wardrobes as well?

No.

I swear, some of those fur collars are seriously ursine.

Those are dyed dogs.

Whatever dem be, go grab dem when we land. We're going someplace cold. And some bigger melee weapons. Those shamblers are huge. We be flying in half an hour.

Spoiler

But my legs!..

Would really appreciate some paid attention. And we don't have any money. So don't be late.

Aye, aye, capn!

Pst. Pst. Hey, Karen, pst-pst!

Wha?

What the hell is ursine?

Bummed if I know. I hope it's not some kitty.

What? Why?

I like them.

Have you seen any?

No. But their pictures are soooo cute!

Six hours later. Lucia is the first one to leave the bus.

Ambient (Age of Wonders 2 OST - air song)

Ugh. That's some cold.

And height.

Damn. And wind.

And there's a gigaship up there!

Yes. Nobody goes up the slope or you'd get blown away.

So? Where's dat ursine thing?

Somewhere below. Boann said they like to hide in the ravines.

Can't blame 'em.

Several hours later. Lucia had noticed the beast first and called the others.

Damn it's big.

Spoiler

And hairy.

We could've had a lot of those if you'd agreed to invite boys.

Where's Cointoss and Karen?

They'll come in a mo. And where's Chef?

RAWR

Incoming!

RAAAWR

Shit! Shit!

Shambler striked Chef, but missed. She reaction-hit him, but the club glanced off the thick fur.

Chef!

Aieeee!!

Get off her! [WROOOM] (Jackyl - The Lumberjack, 2:12)

RAAAAWGR

AHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hah...

What. The.

The hell do you do! We needed his hide and you've minced him!

He attacked you!

And?

And did you see him? He has antlers, like a damn deer!

Aaand?!

And I reckon I got carried away!

Right. Don't do this again.

I saved your life!

Yes. Thanks. Don't do it that soon next time...

Did we miss anything?

Ew. What the hell is that?

That is a wrong way to cook stroganina.

Drat. The second shambler was seen somewhere to the south. Maybe we'll be able to capture that one. Split in pairs, hundred meters apart and move.

Several hours later the blizzard got calmer and the gals spread further apart.
Ambient (Age of Wonders 2 OST - air song)

Hey, Four.

Wha?

That was a brave move.

Sure.

I wouldn't have done it better.

...Thanks.

You have some guts.

You've just said that.

...In your hair.

Really?.. Hm. Yummy.

Uuuh... Yeah.

Will you help me to carry this chainsaw? It's heavy.

What? No!
Something roared behind the hill.

Hear? That sounded important!

Yah, yah. [she looked at the rapidly retreating Lucia] I'll catch up soon!

The second shambler was somewhat smaller. Gals surrounded him and played tag among some dwarf trees.

I'm here!

RAWR

Drat!

Get that! Get that! Get that!
Lucia and Jill showered the shambler with strikes. They mostly missed. Blows sprung off the shambler's fur and limbs. A hectic brawl continued for some time. Four had finally appeared out of the blizzard.

Let me! Let me! [WRRRR]

No! Shoo!

RAWR

Bloody furburger!

And she downed the beast with an ax butt.

Definitely not a kitty.

Spoiler

Everyone but Chef got some additional stat improvements. Chef had missed more missions on a sick bench.

Technical

I was lucky so far. No wounds, even without save scumming. All reaction firing in ch. 7 were misses even though there were a lot of those; I was ready to accept some wounds just to show that some missions shouldn't be attempted without preparation. Tower had researchers who seem to be lousy shots - they didn't even manage to do reaction fire before getting clubbed. And during shambler mission I've eyeballed positions of gals in a way that beasts spent almost all their AP on running. I've reloaded to check and they're able to one shot gals sometimes. So yeah, that was a really lucky streak.

And I had no idea that chainsaw is that cool.

 

[Demo.Graph]

There was a lag in updating.
I got myself a firstborn son, saved him from the evil fairy, drank a lot, went on a business trip to Argentina, met their president, drank a lot, laughed at Ukraine and Biden, drank a lot, moved to another office... You get the gist.
But I was able to overcome all those obstacles to proper gaming.
Except the first one.
I'm not dropping this LP. But updating will probably be slow for quite some time. Shitposting is one thing, writing a proper update is another.

That said, happy holidays!
Ambient (All I Want for Christmas Is You - Cover by A-YEON)

 

[Major_Blackhart]

Gonna watch this with interest

 

[Demo.Graph]

Chapter 011. One Dirty Job

Ambient ([FFVII] Turks' Theme - [HD])

Spoiler

Darling, I have a small gift for you.

Spoiler

I thought boys don't like to discuss the size.

Gahahaha. That gift will wait for you to get in a proper mood. I'm talking about something else now. Something extra.

I'm listening.

I happen to know that one of my regular customers is willing to give all the extra attention he has to a pair of kidneys. Or two. And there's a bunch of tinheads who don't need those.

Is this it? You want me to do your extra dirty job?

You misunderstand. It's not a problem of extra people. It's a problem of unfulfilled demand for extraordinary goods.

Extraordinary kidneys?

For all I know they might be orange.

I'll think about it.

Don't take too long. I suspect those guys are straining those organs to their fullest. Jack out.

Spoiler

Are we trading organs now?

Are you eavesdropping?

It seems I am.

Mr. Jack just wants a bunch of guys killed.

Oh, it's all right then. Good hunting. And by the way...

Yes?

Bryan hanged out in the net again.

And?

Her cult nonsense gathers up steam. I think we might persuade several educated girls to join the team.

For a fee?

Obviously.

I thought our lab is unique enough for brainers to get in a line just to look at it.

They're too educated to work for nothing.

Well, let's hope that those kidneys fetch extraordinary price.

Are you really going to smear us in blood as well?

Do I have a choice?

Spinning it as if we're forcing it on you, aren't we?

Aren't you?

Homo homini...

Ambient (Dung Defender (Extended Version) - Hollow Knight OST)

Spoiler

Remember, they can't see crap in the dark. We be in bushes. So hit and retreat.

Yes, mom.

A sentry was mugged without anyone reacting.

Another one went to the bushes. Some unlucky strikes later he went down.

Gals had hidden and prepared.

And dashed!

Victory!

Jewelry, meat and booze, everything a gal can ask for.

Later at the hideout

Spoiler

What in all hells is going on here?

What?

This noise! Its interrupting my calculations!

The prisoners woke up.

What?

See for yourself.

That's the last batch.

Move them out. Now.

Last I checked, you're not the captain here.

But I'm trying to make an image of ourselves on her orders... Please.

I was going to move them in an hour.

Thanks. Capt'ns orders?

Yes.

Are we selling slaves again?

Not slaves. Spare parts.

Crap.

Yeah, crap.

Same time in the next block
Ambient (Hollow Knight - Dung Defender - Rock Remix by MAT)

Hello, darling! How're our common acquaintances?

I've asked my people to accompany them to your people.

Are they... alive?

Less chance for necrosis this way.

Indeed. I'll make sure you'll be remembered as a good supplier. Are you satisfied with their cargo?

Quite.

Good. I've sent you info about their caravans. You would do me a real favor if you contact them again in your spare time.

Spoiler

Are they barred from the market?

Quite the contrary. We stand for the free and fair trade after all. You may sell their shit here as much as you want.