Development Info A Taste of Cyclopean

[Jason]

Tags: Cyclopean; Iron Tower

Iron Tower's second string has put up <a href="http://www.irontowerstudio.com/forum/index.php?topic=731.0" target="blank">a sample</a> of the writing and quest design we'll see in the upcoming <b><a href="http://www.irontowerstudio.com/forum/index.php?board=9.0" target="blank">Cyclopean</a></b>.
<br>
<blockquote>PC Are your men all right back there? Is it necessary to rend the corpse of a witch into pieces?
<br>
ENOS. Corpse? But she is not dead.
<br>
You look back to see two blades flashing in the moonlight, rising and falling like axes chopping wood. The body beneath is red with cut and gouged flesh, but those cuts do not bleed and however furious the butchers’ swings, no part is separated from the body. Finally, you notice her single, now quite human looking eye. It watches you steadily.
<br>
“Turn away,” Enos says. “It is grisly work, and I would not put you out more than we already have. Keep your mind on the path to town and your reward.” Saying this, Enos gently urges you ahead. His voice seems to grow softer. “A reward well earned.”
<br>
The soft rasp of metal against a leather sheath is the only warning of a dirk which slips with still less noise between your shoulder blades.
<br>
You wake.
<br>
[result: lose 4 Sanity]</blockquote>

 

[Darth Roxor]

Four figures, cloaked and cowled against the autumn night ride down a narrow, wooded track

Four figures, cloaked and cowled against the autumn

Four figures, cloaked and cowled

FIGURES, CLOAKED

:!:

 

[hiver]

Im not really mad about horror at all but this one looks like something i could really enjoy.

Writing is excellent, evokes atmosphere of events perfectly while being simple and effective instead of over verbose. The whole thing manages to precisely hit you where it matters and cause right effects.
Such as that moment where the man hack the witch but you catch her eye looking at you.

The integration of the dream into the story as promised - with consequences arising much later on in the story is excellent thing too.

I also liked the use of the word glamour very much.

 

[MetalCraze]

Writing is... uninspiring to say the least.
Sounds like a generic fantasy writing - like the one from that prick Salvatore - in other words too much unneeded filler.

 

[catfood]

I'm a fan of the Cthulhu Mythos so I'm looking forward to this game, perhaps even more so than to AoD.

 

[hiver]

You should read the whole thing Skyway.
As a work in progress its pretty good, considering the horror theme which its dealing with and how horror is dealt with usually - as a cheap BOO+gore crap.

There is also a lot of choices in the original PDF version all with their own consequences. Some immediate like loosing sanity and some we would get to experience later on.

And its only a dream.

 

[Radisshu]

This is definitely at least a few notches above "And run he did."

 

[MetalCraze]

You should read the whole thing Skyway.
As a work in progress its pretty good, considering the horror theme which its dealing with and how horror is dealt with usually - as a cheap BOO+gore crap.

There is also a lot of choices in the original PDF version all with their own consequences. Some immediate like loosing sanity and some we would get to experience later on.

And its only a dream.

I wasn't commenting on C&C - if the story is dark and grim it shouldn't be written in a too "high-literature" language.
And besides I find things like "they were moving their swords and stroking their dicks like *insert a generic overused comparison with something totally unrelated here*" to be very cheesy.

 

[JoKa]

did you ever read lovecraft, skyway?

 

[hiver]

The story is happening in the past so the language used tries to seem archaic in that sense, i believe.

I searched but couldnt find that sentence you are referring to.

For me this sentence:

"You understand then that you are in a dream, but sense that your actions yet have some import."

Is not really necessary. By giving that info to the player you warn him and remind him he is gaming.
I think it would be better just to let the player experience the dream and have all outcomes as a surprise.

Enos unsheathes his sword, a carefully maintained cavalry saber, and rests it across his legs --- to punctuate his words.

is there a need to specify he does so "to punctuate his words"? Would it not be better if that was left out so that the player figures that out for himself?
Its not really difficult to guess, its pretty straightforward and well known "move" so if it is to have any effect it should be left to the player to make the conclusion on his own.

As your heart slows to a steady and regular beat and you begin to more calmly assess your situation, a huge black bird breaks from the foliage directly overhead with a raucous croak, making straight west with all speed.
/ For reasons you do not understand, this is more terrifying than anything else you have witnessed. /

The ending here puzzles me a bit and i feel that rearranging the closing sentence or describing it in slightly different way could work better.

Something like ... its flight leaves/makes you more terrified ... etc
or...
hurried flaps of its wings terrify you more then - etc.

dirk which slips with still less noise between your shoulder blades.

The expresion "still less noise" doesnt sit well with me.


However these are all details easily rectified . Overall i like it very much.

 

[St. Toxic]

The whole piece could use an editor or two. Nothing major against the content, but the presentation seems dodgy in places, and while it's a minor gripe for hiver, others may be more anal about it.

 

[PrzeSzkoda]

Four figures, cloaked and cowled against the autumn night ride down a narrow, wooded track

Four figures, cloaked and cowled against the autumn

Four figures, cloaked and cowled

FIGURES, CLOAKED

:!:

Now we know the real name of Shub-Niggurath.

Cool idea with the dreamscape, although other pieces posted on Cyclopean's forum have got better writing. This thing requires editing. Since the game's still in the very early stages of development, I suppose it's all a draft to be improved upon.

 

[Cthulhugoat]

The whole piece could use an editor or two. Nothing major against the content, but the presentation seems dodgy in places, and while it's a minor gripe for hiver, others may be more anal about it.

I agree.

Good writing overall, looks like a mix of interactive fiction and CRPG dialogue format. My only gripe is with this sentence:

betray me and know the name Shug-Niggurath!

It's too revealing, too early. It's a matter of preference (some might find a direct presentation such as the witch's scarier or eerier), but I'd rather find out about the creature's twisted name in a later event. In my opinion, referring to it as vague, human terms like "dark goat" or "mother of a thousand young" instead and storing the "true name" for a climax or so would add to the suspense and pacing.

 

[Spectacle]

Shub-Niggurath, huh? Where is the teleporter?

 

[hiver]

and while it's a minor gripe for hiver, others may be more anal about it.

hehe

 

[Murk]

nigger wrath eh

 

[OSK]

nigger wrath eh

Lovecraft wasn't exactly fond of black people.

 

[Wyrmlord]

That is not dead which can eternal lie.

And with strange eons, even death may die.

 

[DefJam101]

Could use an editor in certain places to eliminate unnecessary sentences, but overall I think you captured Lovecraft's style very well.


:honorblade: :cthulhu: :

: :etc:

Keep it up!

 

[Wyrmlord]

DefJam has a creepy interest in anti-black literature and art. First Birth Of A Nation. Now H. P. Lovecraft.

Is he...a white supremacist trolling our forum? Or is he a black man who likes to be contrarian? Or is there white man under that dark skin? Or does he take some twisted pleasure in fucked up stuff like that?

I would have easily accepted that he is less self-victimizing than other blacks, but when he is reading books by a guy who describes black men as animals of the jungle, something is DEFINITELY up.

 

[PrzeSzkoda]

DefJam has a creepy interest in anti-black literature and art. First Birth Of A Nation. Now H. P. Lovecraft.

Is he...a white supremacist trolling our forum? Or is he a black man who likes to be contrarian? Or is there white man under that dark skin? Or does he take some twisted pleasure in fucked up stuff like that?

I would have easily accepted that he is less self-victimizing than other blacks, but when he is reading books by a guy who describes black men as animals of the jungle, something is DEFINITELY up.

He's probably Obama.

 

[screeg]

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