The Imperial Herald
Voice of Truth and Reason
Prosperity-Net, Commlink, RK-Jack and Loyalty-Chip Broadcast
VICTORY IN EURASIA! COMMUNISTS SURRENDER TO ALLIED FORCES!
Following months of holy war, righteous purging of partisan cells and deprogramming of brainwashed victims of communism, the impoverished masses of the Soviet Union have finally put down their inferior weapons and surrendered unconditionally to the Celestial Empire, Luso-Brazilian Star Empire and Polish-British Commonwealth. This grand victory, which has not only dealt a decisive blow to the red menace but also put a definite end to their vile doctrine here on Earth, is now being commemorated at the annual Imperial Peace Ceremony.
Held in the sacred homeland of the Yamato race, the glorious proceedings are attended by dignitaries from the entire civilised world, and as to be expected, a plethora of enlightened and cultured events have been arranged for the esteemed participants. Spectacular military parades, displays of marvellous new technology, awards for meritorious service and mass executions of Soviet war criminals merely mark the beginning of the exciting events planned for
Victory Week, the new Imperial holiday implemented by our Heavenly Sovereign in honour of our triumph.
Aside from the joyous celebration, the ceremony also took on a sombre tone today, as His Imperial Majesty personally honoured the victims of the massive attack orchestrated by "comrade" Grigorovich, launched mere moments after the surrender. Contrary to what one would expect, this attack was not carried out against our own forces, but rather against the very countrymen of the General Secretary herself, directly violating the
Treaty on Lawful Usage of Trans-Newtonian Weapons which the Soviet Union had made such a show of pursuing.
In what can only be described as the greatest atrocity in the history of mankind, the deranged dictator set off a series of nuclear detonations in the remaining strongholds of the Soviet regime, butchering hundreds of millions of USSR citizens and demonstrating once and for all the complete disregard for human lives which constitutes the very core of communist ideology. Although Imperial High Command had taken every precaution against the launch of nuclear weapons, our brilliant Hōshō Meson Cannons could not prevent a genocide in which no actual missiles were launched. As subsequent Kempeitai investigations have revealed, all of the nuclear weapons were in fact planted and detonated on ground by the few remaining fanatics in the KGB, the ever-loyal lapdogs of Grigorovich and her murderous accomplices.
Despite the massive scale of the scorched earth campaign, speedy humanitarian aid and relief work from Imperial, Luso-Brazilian and Commonwealth forces has allowed hundreds of millions of former Soviet citizens to survive the ordeal, all of whom have no doubt experienced a rude awakening as to the true nature of their former master. The Central Committee also severely underestimated the technological superiority of the Empire, for although much attention was given to assassinate Soviet scientists and wreck the research complexes of the regime, Kempeitai Special Forces have managed to penetrate several of the irradiated Soviet labs, fully shielded from radioactive contamination by their advanced suits of Mitsui Power Armour. Even now, they are busily securing data, salvaging equipment and uncovering endless shocking truths of Soviet cruelty and incompetence.
In addition to definite proof of the Soviet mind control experiment
Project Communist-Consciousness, meant to "unite" all of humanity by means of intrusive communist brainwashing broadcasts, as well as large-scale fabrications, as in the case of the
Setun-170-TN ternary optical computer, confirmed to be horribly inferior even to the outdated
Hello Kitty Fun Station Mk2 for children of ages 2-5 released back in the Second Year of Imperial Restoration, allied forces have also secured detailed data on the much-lauded
Soviet FTL research.
Unsurprisingly, these achievements of the Soviet intellectual elite, plagued as they were by totalitarian make-believe and socialist warp-thinkery, have been confirmed to be as much a bluff as the
Setun-170-TN. The Soviet FTL engines, while sometimes capable of engaging in crude and unreliable inter-system travel, truly pale in comparison to the scientifically sound prototypes developed at the University of Kwazulu. Together with the amazing breakthroughs of UAC on Phobos and Deimos, our mastery of the field has thus already surpassed the pitiful efforts of the communists, proving once again the superiority of free market capitalism over socialist planned economy.
As the masses enjoy their final liberation from Soviet tyranny, the victorious Imperial Assault Infantry is now marching south to subdue the remaining partisans in the Irkalla Collective, tasked by His Imperial Majesty the Emperor to stamp out the last corrupting influence of the Cairo Pact in Eurasia. Given the timely intervention of both the League and Hegemony, it is only a matter of time before the Cult of the Sleeper is completely purged from existence.
However, the true war is not yet won!
Possibly hundreds of thousands of Red Army officers, Soviet commissars and KGB agents have taken up refuge in outer space, and others still have been confirmed to hide among the fractured states of Kwanztania, carrying on their evil opposition to Imperial authority, dedicated solely to undoing the great work we have accomplished. In order to realise our goal of perpetual peace, these enemies of freedom and prosperity must all be exterminated.
Worst of all, the mass-murderer Grigorovich is still alive, and one can only imagine what the mastermind behind the thermonuclear genocide must look like, modified as she is beyond recognition, wired straight into the blasphemous datalinks of the abominable xenocreatures on Titan. Much unlike the optimistic image of the "comrade" published by Vox Dei, the Imperial Herald has secured a far more appropriate depiction of the monster:
Note: artistic rendition
More alien and machine than human, and with agendas no member of our holy species could ever comprehend, the murderous enemy is still out there, watching, waiting, plotting to destroy our way of life! We may have crushed its means of constructing weapons and raising armies on our doorstep, but as long as the beast lives, it will constantly devise new ways to disrupt our harmonious peace and concord. Rest assured, citizens: the Celestial Empire will not rest until the blasphemous freak known as General Secretary Grigorovich has been found, cornered and utterly destroyed!
Hail Greater EURASIA!