Crispy™ Crispy is becoming violent and should retire

[H. P. Lovecraft's Cat]

I think Crispy is going through a divorce or something, he sounds extremely unhappy.

A divorce from his hand? Noooo don't do it crispy, you also need your hands to build PCs!

 

[H. P. Lovecraft's Cat]

Crispys hand objects! Anyways leave me alone. If I smoke this son bitch I will be fuckin immortalized. ONE TWO FUCKIN POOOOO

 

[H. P. Lovecraft's Cat]

Crispys hand objects! Anyways leave me alone. If I smoke this son bitch I will be fuckin immortalized. ONE TWO FUCKIN POOOOO

You are doing God damned fuckin amazing. Never doubt yoursef king

 

[mediocrepoet]

I think Crispy is going through a divorce or something, he sounds extremely unhappy.

Didn't know RealDolls™ could leave you.

 

[Crispy]

Didn't know RealDolls™ could leave you.

You know, I called the factory with a special request to make one with your mother's face on it, but they told me they were incapable of producing such an extraordinarily ugly product.

Broke my heart.

 

[mediocrepoet]

Didn't know RealDolls™ could leave you.

You know, I called the factory with a special request to make one with your mother's face on it, but they told me they were incapable of producing such an extraordinarily ugly product.

Broke my heart.

Sorry, bro. Want to borrow mine?

 

[H. P. Lovecraft's Cat]

Crispy is gonna mind her place. Getting really tired of bitch boy trying to fuck with me. Crispy, the games you play ain't difficult and the men you fuck wick aren't exactly pushovers. Maybe you should shut the fuck up before you offend the wrong person. Chill, back off. Last warning.

 

[H. P. Lovecraft's Cat]

Crispy You're gonna grow up and stop taking privs away from these threads. You think you have power but you nothing. I will rip the life of something innocent and film it and JAM IT IN YOUR FUCKIN FACE. Chill.

 

[BobTheWizardFromWichita]

Crispy You're gonna grow up and stop taking privs away from these threads. You think you have power but you nothing. I will rip the life of something innocent and film it and JAM IT IN YOUR FUCKIN FACE. Chill.

Young serbian man, go back on your meds.

 

[Apostle Hand]

why dont you get a life sdg sniff some coke and fuck some whore

 

[Apostle Hand]

youll fuck her three hours just smear some coke on your dick

 

[Cheesedragon117]

He needs fewer bad habits, not more.

 

[Apostle Hand]

what is life without some bad habits

 

[Andnjord]

Didn't know RealDolls™ could leave you.

You know, I called the factory with a special request to make one with your mother's face on it, but they told me they were incapable of producing such an extraordinarily ugly product.

Broke my heart.

Sorry, bro. Want to borrow mine?

Why do you have a sex doll with your mother’s face?

 

[YourMomsHouse]

I feel like an innocent and naive Puritan stumbling across two homosexuals high on poppers and taking turns to nail each other in the ass after smearing menthol and weed-based lube on their dicks.

 

[mediocrepoet]

with your mother’s face?

That's not all it has.

 

[Mortmal]

I ignored the signs, not wanting to burden poor old Crispy even more, but there are indeed clear indications that he's becoming too aggressive and his sanity is slipping. Editing posts and using language unbecoming of a respectable gentleman on a prestigious site like RPGCodex—my heart bleeds, but I must agree: Crispy should have his mod privileges removed.

 

[Crispy]

Repeat offenders are not treated kindly.

Stop whining about this.

 

[Mortmal]

Repeat offenders are not treated kindly.

Stop whining about this.

You're making a big fuss over a garbage thread posted by an alt, the kind we've seen recycled hundreds of times. As someone else pointed out, the guy will probably just go play Fortnite anyway. But let’s be honest, the real reason you’re reacting like this is because you’re bitter, bored, and angry, and looking for any excuse to exert the tiny bit of power you have, like a petty office manager clinging to relevance. At this rate, you’re on track to antagonize almost everyone on the Codex, which seems to be the one thing you truly enjoy here — and probably the only thing that still gives you a hard-on — because it’s definitely not gaming, a subject you clearly know very little about.

 

[Crispy]

You're making a big fuss about me putting behind spoiler tags your stupid A.I. spam. Calm down, Francis.

 

[Mortmal]

You're making a big fuss about me putting behind spoiler tags your stupid A.I. spam. Calm down, Francis.

and insulting me

 

[BosanskiSeljak]

THE APOCRYPHA OF THE FIFTH BANWAVE
“Speak not the name of Crispy, lest your post be merged with the void.” —Fragment 11:17, The Broken BBCode Scrolls

Transcribed by AutoModerator-K2 from the Glyph Archive of New GD

---

In the time before tags, before the Reboot, when avatars still moved and the Shoutbox echoed unfiltered, there was Cripsy.


A forum prince born of the Obsidian Schism, Cripsy rose swiftly during the Early Codex Period, posting cunning replies beneath the old Tree of Updates, back when men still gave +1s unironically and Codexian warriors debated THAC0 with religious fervor. He was known by many names:
• Cripsy the Petulant
• The Archbrat of Backseat Moderation
• Hashtagless in the Land of Tags
• He Who Replies First, Reads Later


His reign began during the Fourth Tagocalypse, wherein he famously declared “I think combat is overrated in RPGs” inside the Iron Refuge of Turn-Based Purists. The backlash was immediate. 7,000 posts of furious quoting erupted, and the sky turned red with infobox edits.


Cripsy survived—barely.


It was during the Fifth Banwave that his downfall was sealed. Atop the Broken Watchlist, he proclaimed Disco Elysium the “future of the genre,” just days after being seen brofisting a post that said “dialogue trees are colonialist.” This was considered a heresy second only to recommending Mass Effect in the year 2021.


He was dragged before the Tribunal of Declinebros.

“You post like an IGN intern trying to LARP as a 2006 GAF user,” spat the High Lorekeeper.

“Your arguments are sound, but you deliver them with the smarm of a man who drinks oat milk by choice,” intoned the Hobo-King of Retardo Land.

“You once said Outer Worlds was 'fine,’” whispered a small frog on the council.

And thus, he was cast down—not banned, but worse: infinitely visible, yet no longer heeded.


He wanders still, muttering in every RPG watchlist like a wraith who can’t find the Quick Save. Every now and then, someone will “lol” react to one of his posts—not out of joy, but out of pity. It sustains him, barely.


Meanwhile, the true Codexians remember. They pass his tale on to initiates in the spoiler tags of unmarked threads, muttering:

“Beware the Archbrat, for he doth return at the worst of times, always defending the least worthy game with the most smug of tones.”

---

Post Scriptum
Cripsy is rumored to be composing a 30-part retrospective on Tyranny, but only part 1 (“Why Choice is a Lie”) has been published since 2019. It is stuck in his Drafts folder, next to an unopened PM from Infinitron and a broken tag titled #subtleDecline.


May you never be quoted by him.
May your Watchlist remain clean.


✝ Sent from a Sacred Chromebook buried beneath the Dusty Old Posts of 2015 ✝